I enjoy writing. Is there much else to say? Nothing you'd be interested in I'm sure.
Set a week after Rainbow Rocks. A rift forms between Adagio, Aria, and Sonata forcing them to find their separate ways. When Sunset Shimmer and the others offer their friendship, things seem to be looking up. But what happens when an old enemy from Equestria gets involved. Will the magic of friendship be enough to stop a disaster?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nice story, will Adagio wind up doing the same thing? She pretends to become friends with them only to start to have fun and happiness?
Alright, that last chapter had me interested, but now I'm intrigued. It's nice to see Aria and Adagio working together for a change.
interesting that you kept the Shadowbolts who they were as ponies, and not rewriting them as entirely brainwashed characters
I can't decide if I want Adagio to do the same as Aria! I was really surprised Aria found her niche with Fluttershy, I expected Applejack because she's not as soft and fluffy. I really liked the bit talking about what happened at soccer though
I like the ever-changing scenery, but it's a little jarring to do so as quickly in this chapter. Moreover, since it's the exact same font as most of the story, something it's not too easily noticed.
It seems a little ooc for pony-Rarity to cut to the heart of the issue with Lightning Dust, but I guess I always imagined her facing something that wronged her with finesse and poise.
Plot twist?? I like the end for this chapter, it's so open ended and sort of cliff-hangery, but not in so overplayed dramatic lame way
man, you're really good with the Zecora rhymes...
“She'll call you.” HAHAHAHA
Dang it Sunset, why do you do that with your belongings? What's so important you have to send someone else to put away your stuff?
Oh, oh my. I think I see where this is going... The baddies from Equestria side are going to come and make contact with Adagio, which ruins all the goodwill between Dazzlings and Rainbooms, Sunset believes her new friends though (or gives them the benefit of the doubt) and clears their name and defeats Sombra somehow! Don't care if I'm wrong, this is fun!
LOL Pinkie and Double Down.
Oh thank god, I was worried Adagio was coming around too easily. This whole thing is a lot of fun.
Why is Sunset unconscious? Did she hit her head or something?
Aria gets really down on herself really fast... And how did she know Spike's name?
Heh, I wonder if Scoots can fly now...
holy crap, Aria giving a heartfelt goodbye to a very special character... priceless.
“We're total best friends in an alternate universe.” omg
Why just pegasus ponies? I mean, Sombra had no problem changing a unicorn into a Shadowbolt; perhaps Adagio isn't used to the power, since her Equestrian magic is based on song rather than horn?
that's really sweet of Adagio... it felt like she had a little more up her sleeve than she let on you can't just say 2 have wings, and then not say who the other winged pony is!!
"a princess, a unicorn and two ponies" that's so weird to say... are they earth ponies? but what about the second set of translucent wings?? okay, looks like Sonata has the wings, but is Aria an earth pony? ... I'd probably go with something like "a princess and three strange ponies"
sweeeet, Sunset knowing magic Twilight doesn't? you're really earning my like.
This is all happening so fast! But I enjoy the detail and the progression, it's just like a superhero movie coming to a climax :P
Wait, they gave up the Elements of Harmony before Rainbow Rocks even happened.
ARIA NO ARIA!! DON"T GO INTO THE LIGHT ... Do the others awaken too?
Yeah? A doctor? Alright, I can appreciate going old school and not voodoo magicking an instant remedy. I liked the brief Celestia-Sunset thing, I really liked the friendship letter, and I kind of wish more stories did one... (Actually I REALLY like the letter, it's not contrived or forced, and it felt quite like the ones in canon!) Good wrap up of the dark power.
good read. I do feel bad for Double Down, Boogey Nights, and Cut Off though: they're just clumsy, not malicious.
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Thanks for the reviews. Yeah, looking back I can see a few things that I could have done a bit better.
Hrm… the story itself is interesting so far. The main problem is the way it’s told. There’s quite a few spelling and grammar issues as well as cases of awkwardly written prose. I don’t think it would be beneficial to go through every single line (not to mention it would take way too long), so I’ll point out two particularly notable recurring issues.
The first is dialogue. The punctuation and capitalization in the dialogue of this story isn’t done correctly. One of the best things you can ever do to make sure you punctuate dialogue right is to read this. At least 95% of errors in dialogue will be avoided just by reading that, particularly the section on said tags.
The second is that this story is written in present tense narration. Normally, stories are written in past tense narration, so writing in present tense makes the story feel weird and continually pulls the reader (or at least this reader) out of it. Present tense narration can work, but I’ve never seen it work outside of a first person story, which this isn’t.
That's why they are called elements of harmony. They shoot beam of every possible energy and these energies are in harmony with each other. Thanks to that they are unstopable and nothing can block them.
aww man why LD gotta be the bad one
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At the time I wrote this LD was my favorite antagonist alongside Sombra and I just couldn't think of anyone else who would fit the role.
I got curious and read this through in one setting. Conceptually, it's got some interesting stuff in it - I really appreciated the twist with Adagio screwing over Sombra and becoming the villain, thought that was really a nice way of subverting expectations. Grammatically it's got a good share of minor typos, chiefly little things like "pendent" when it should be "pendant". My biggest criticism is that the story feels like it flows too quickly, or that some of these ideas - Lightning Dust, The Dazzlings' reformations, Sombra's plan - aren't as fleshed out as I felt they could have been.
Still, I enjoyed this story well enough. Won't be a favorite of mine but you reformed the Dazzlings in a way that didn't make me call bullshit. I especially liked the handling of Sonata and Aria for this; I might have to borrow the idea for Aria ending up with a pet sometime. XD
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Thanks for reading and the critique. Yeah I wrote this way back in 2014 on Fanfiction.net and just posted it here. I actually wrote this entire story in under a month so looking back I see now that I should have proofread it a few times before I submitted it. I'll admit I had a lot of ideas I wanted to fit into this story and I probably tried to pack way too much into the final result. I actually had played around with the idea of making Aria the surprise main villain and carrying on what I felt was an unfinished arc from the film.
One thing is for sure. I really wish I still had the speed and enthusiasm I had a few years ago with the stories I write now though.
Appreciate the review as always.