If your best isn't good enough,then find a way to level up!
This is a story where Mlp:Fim meets Dragon ball Z in an alternate universe,where the Mane 6 were unable to defeat Tirek and are in dire need of assistance and who better to give that assistance than Earth's greatest hero?! (My first story ever, i'm extremely amateurish to so if you have tips it'd be greatly appreciated! 
Page generated in 0.111 seconds
Total duration
723 users online
849,969 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Haven't read yet, but FUCK THE HELL YES.
This story might be good, provided the Mane 6 don't just sit out the fight and Goku saves the day all by himself.
5960562 I'll try to get them involved, thanks for the feedback
It's good. Maybe you could consider getting an editor, but all of the grammatical errors are very minor. So far you're doing a great job man, keep it up.
5961168 Thank you!
First, a DBZ Joke. "Q: How many Saiyans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A:One, but it takes fifteen episodes."
Now, your pacing is the exact opposite of this. Jesus Rollerblading Christ this moves quickly. The punctuation is virtually nonexistent, and the dialogue comes across as rushed and wooden as a result. That said, this is (presumably) your first story, and as far as first stories go it isn't irrevocably bad. You've got quite a bit of potential for the idea, and a lot of people are willing to see this done. This last bit is more of a guess on my part after seeing this placed in the "Popular Stories" sidebar.
Don't be afraid to draw things out a little bit. Details are a writer's best friend, and it helps to show more than you tell. The people who come to this site are probably aware of what the characters from MLP look like, but anyone not from the show's canon MUST be described. The amount of description is up to you, but the audience must have some frame of reference in your story. You cannot assume that everyone knows the difference between Kakarot and Vegeta.
You can also use details to give your audience a sense of what's at stake. Let's look at this chapter as you have it now. When King Kai is helping Goku feel Tirek's power level, you are showing us why Goku is going to fight Tirek. But you might not want to go with the literary equivalent of "he's got a really big power level, sic 'em Goku." See, warriors with massive power levels, that's just another Tuesday for Goku. But a warrior who STEALS the energy of others to increase his own is much more of a unique threat. Have King Kai show Goku - in by extension, the audience - this aspect of Tirek's power.
Let me give an sample of how this can be done:
Hope this feedback helps you. I really want to see what you can do with the right tips and tricks at your disposal.
Anyone else feel that you could replace "Goku" With "Fuckyou" and it would still work in the English language?
5962303 I really appreciate your feedback Thank you (:
Grammar is getting better, still kind of short. And like I said, so long as Goku doesn't become a mary-sue(a perfect character who fixes everything with out much effort) this story will be fun.
I want to say put Goku on the brink...but I don't think it'd work...
5962366 now that I think about it, definitely
"My name is Goku, I'm insane, from earth!"
...
"He means Saiyan"
.....color text......cant transform.........
GOD DAMMIT EVERY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry just hate it when a character loses there power! because why not right?
also please don't do the color text thing
thanks ^_^
5972690 Okay just for you I won't anymore :P
I heard the xenoverse intro play in my head...idk why5972735 thanks :DDDDDDDD
First, capitalize your "i"s. That's a rule of english. Anytime an "I" is used as a pronoun, capitalize it. Second, SLOW DOWN THE PACE!! I'm gonna keep giving this a chance, but please work on your pacing.
I want to read more of this. I'm far from a DBZ fan, but I think this is "just crazy enough to work."
Please keep going!
5978885 That comment just gave me the motivation to keep going, so i will ty friend
nice story, glad to see that you made a way for Goku to have some trouble in equestria though even in his normal form he is still far stronger than anypony on the planet. I do hope you start to make the chapters longer though.
Another Dragon Ball Z story? I welcome you to the DBZ writers community of Equestrian Saiyans! Your story has been added to the saiyan folder! And wish you the best of luck in writing Dragon Ball E!
The only complaint I realm have is the goku, already along with the other z fighters don't use magic. They use Kia. So goku's energy being absorbed didn't make sense.
shame how it's cancelled. Also it'd be much more interesting with Vegeta because he'd make Tirek fear him beforekilling him, or Future Trunks cause he'd Yamcha him with his sword.
Un-cancel,Pls~
6354045 I'll think about it lel
6366045
Pretti pretti pls.
Pretty sure Goku would OHKO Tirek post Freiza saga onward, but still seems good.
5970444 "Between you and the Nemekian I think I lost my touch at genocide."
No no no no NOOOOO! Tired should NOT BE ABLE TO STEAL GOKU'S KI! TIREK CAN ONLY STEAL MAGIC! YOU DAMN IDIOT!