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Fluttershy has fantasies too, and when her sick twisted journal telling of her imaginary exploits with her friends gets in the hands of Angel, all hell breaks loose. Twilight and Fluttershy shipping. Based off of an episode of Bob's Burgers.
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10/10 "Would fap."- IGN
Dat Pacing Tho.
It is a comedy, so it might be like that for a reason. Funny set-up though, pal.
5554056 Sorry, all of my stories seem to be rushed. I still hope you enjoyed it.
10/10 I must know what poor angel experiences XD
There are 8 dislikes and not one person has commented on what they dislike about the story. Please if you have any constructive criticism to share please share it.
5554381 You don't want to know...
i aplude you my freind10/10
5556190 Ha ha! Thank you! :3
This is kinda rough around the edges but STILL PRICELESS AS SHIT!!!
5556565 Probably needs an editor or something.
An editor might help maybe a prof reader to. Just a suggestion.
I still enjoyed it tho i'll give this chapter a 7/10
As the story says "Incomplete" i suspect you have more in mind so i'll just put this story in my incomplete library.
~Tobben
5566705 I was planning on writing a little more but it will take some time.
5567493
Take the time you need
When it comes to incomplete story's i try to just remember the three T's (Things Take Time)
~Tobben
yeah... That was kinda... bad. Fluttershy calling angel a rat, angel having no idea what "these feelings" are. If he has no idea what these feelings are, how come he is turned on by what Fluttershy has written? Take Angel's arousal out, have him simply not understand. Instead show Fluttershy's panic more. Make Twilight knock at the door, Fluttershy look at the notebook and then have Angel smirk. Have him gesture and Fluttershy say: "Secret from Twilight, noooo, why would you ever think that, but it might be better to give it back to me anyway..." And then Angel jumps onto the door handle and Fluttershy says NOOOO!! Anything! You can do what you want, you can go to that party, anything but show Twilight the Clopfiction I wrote about us!!!" Angel nods and gives her back the book, which she hides. Fluttershy lets out a breath. Than she opens the door where Twilight looks stunned with her mouth open. "Uh... Twilight?" "Clopfiction?" "Oh... you heard that." CLIFFHANGER make the readers wait for the next chapter to hear the resolution. Make the resolution drawn out and have Twilight be shocked at first and tell Fluttershy off and confiscate the Notebook and go. Then on the way home she looks into it. Scene cut back to Fluttershy's cottage:
Twilight: "Saaaaay... that whole mind control thing... ehehe... I mean it's sick and wrong, and I absolutely never ever fantasized about it myself, clopping furiously every night, buuuut... for a good friend like you... if you are sure you wanna..."
THEN have her realize Angel is gone to the pedobeaver.
5669645 You can write something similar to this if you wish, but I'm not interested in editing this story ATM. I'm not exactly a published writer, and I mostly just write what I'm interested in. Personally, I don't care what you think.
5555819 You say you want to know why people downvoted?
5669679 And now, after I spend my time to give you tips, you say you don't care about my opinion? That is rude you know.
First you ask for constructive criticism and then you snub me.
5676728 Sorry, to me the whole thing just seemed very unconstructive. I'm sorry for being rude I was just shocked I guess.
I must say that this is a great story. It is one of those that brings about a lot of laughter. Now if Mr. Beaver can "teach Angel a lesson" that would make things even better. Fluttershy calling Angel a rat is a gross understatement though, I think of him as something far worse. I give your story a 10/10.
5693485 Thank you!
5696795 You're welcome. Don't let the negative comments bring you down.
...I wouldn't mind knowing what happens at Mr. Beaver's party...
This story is bizarre and lacks focus. It seems like it should be part of a larger story, and stops just when it's getting interesting.
That said, it's cute, and I liked it anyway, so you have my thumbs-up.
Everyone needs to read something like this every now and then. That' why stuff like this exists.
Rip in pepe angel.
Don't bother preparing your anus, because it's gunna get rekt anyways.
Rest in pep Angel
2010-2015
He was destroyed by Beaver dong
Hooray for Twishy
Cue George Takai for bit at the start
RIP Angel Bunny, Cause of Death: [EXPUNGED]
I am not going to mr.bear’s party