12: Cock-a-what-what?!
I walked into the Everfree, and for some reason, I'm just barely noticing that my clothes hadn't been burnt away. "Why didn't my clothes burn?" I asked Twilight, she looked at me with a confused look, then remembered that I was from a different world.
"Magic fire doesn't burn anything, unless I want it burned" she said, burning a nearby plant, to show me how it works. I nodded, keeping my eye on some bushes, that were rustling in the short distance. When we reached them, I decided to go look in the bush, because, well, I was curious. I was knocked over by something, I felt scales and....feathers? I tried to get up, but I lost balance and fell flat on my face.
"Are you OK Zach?" Pinkie asked, bouncing over to me.
"Didn't you guys see the....the.....thing that knocked me over?" I asked, pointing at the bush, Twilight shrugged her shoulders then walked over to it.
"Well, so far it's Gravity 5, Zach 0!" Pinkie said bouncing, I went to say something, but then Pinkie turned to stone, falling onto the ground face first.
"What the hell?!" I yelled out, looking up, I saw Rainbow, Rarity, and Fluttershy covering their eyes, and AJ was also stone. I turned around slowly, but before I looked up, I saw the body of a dragon. Instinct took over, everything telling me to avoid it's gaze no matter what! I got down on the ground, putting my hands over my eyes, and sinking my head inside my coat. I felt something kick me lightly, and I tensed up, ready to get out of this protective shell and make a run for it. Unfortunately, it kicked me again, but with more force, and a demonic chicken laugh.
I felt myself flying through the air, I started spinning in the air, but then I smashed into a tree, and fell down. I felt myself hit a few branches, and then the ground. "Oh my god!" I yelled out in pain, mainly cause there was a god damned stick in my leg. "When did this become an action movie? I don't remember anything this exciting in my life!" I yelled out, standing up.
"A 2 leg beast, has interrupted my feast!" I heard someone say in rhythmic form, looking down, I saw a zebra.
"Guess they exist too" I said, looking back the way I flew from, I saw a dragon with the head of a chicken chasing Rarity and Rainbow. "What is that thing and why does it act like Medusa the gorgon?" I asked, she looked over as Rarity was turned to stone, and Fluttershy fleeing her cover.
"A cockatrice, to end the nice" he said, in that rhythmic language of hers.
"A cock a what what?" I asked, looking back at the zebra, who was now next to me.
"No time to explain, for there will none to save" she said, running towards it while pulling a potion out.
"Well my mom taught me to not run at cocks, so I'll just hide over here" I said, walking towards a bush. I heard some growling, so I just turned straight around, and started heading towards the dragon, now named cock a what what by me. The zebra was running around it, keeping it's eyes of hers, while she was adding a few things to her potion. Unfortunately, 1 tiny stick is loud enough to catch it's attention.
"Aw shit" I said, looking at it's body and not it's eyes. It started flying towards me, and instinct took over. "HOLYSHITDON'THURTMEI'MJUSTALITTLEKIDSORTA!" I yelled, turning on the dime and running towards what looked like a house inside a tree. I was almost to it, before my old foe decided to strike again. My foot caught on a tree root, and then gravity did it's work, and made me land on top of a rock.
"What are you doing?!" I heard Fluttershy yell from above.
"Mfmfmmmf" I tried responding through the ground, but instead of 'checking for a new bed' it came out muffled. Sadly.
"What would your mother think?! This is the second time I've caught you doing this!" She yelled again, this time I felt greatly confused.
Lifting my head up, she was right above me, luckily she was wearing some jeans. Her legs were slowly turning to stone, but they instantly turned back to their natural fleshy-ness. I looked behind me, seeing an extremely scared cock-a-what-what shivering in Fluttershy's gaze. It turned around, running off towards the others, and I saw some magic light flashing happen over there.
Rarity, AJ, Pinkie, Twilight, and RD were walking towards us. "Thanks Fluttershy" Twilight said, stopping in front of us.
"Well, he knows better, but he just can't handle it" she said, looking at the cock-a-what-what as it flew away.
"It's alright darling, you'll eventually tame him, then he won't turn us to stone anymore" Rarity said, fixing her hair.
"It was not only the shy one, it was the one of two" the strange rhythmic zebra said, walking up behind us and scaring the shit out of me. "If not for him, then there would be no win" she said, pointing at me, making all their gazes turn towards me.
"What?" I asked, they started laughing a bit, then calmed down.
"So Zecora, could you tell us how to cancel vamponyism? Or more correctly, vampirism?" Twilight asked, pointing at me and Fluttershy. The now named Zecora nodded her head, and motioned for us to follow. I lingered behind a little, taking in the weirdness of this forest, thinking about Yellowstone for some reason.
'You'll know it soon enough' I heard Frank say from the inside, making me feel uncomfortable.
"Hurry up slowpoke!" I heard Rainbow say, I sped up a little to catch up with them.
"I'll have you know, I am not a pokemon" I said, making Rainbow land, and give me a confused look.
"Pokemon?" She asked, I reached into my pocket. Sadly, my Gameboy was still on Earth, in my footlocker, probably rotting away with a bunch of garbage.
"I would show you, but my Gameboy is still on Earth, even though I swear it was in my pocket today...." I said, thinking about it for a second.
~~~~~MEANWHILE~~~~~
"Yes! Finally! I got a copy of the yellow version!" Button Mash yelled out triumphantly, staring at the cartridge in his hand. "Wonder who dropped it....oh well! Finders keepers, losers weepers!" He said, walking into his house.
~~~~~Back to Zach!~~~~~
I walked into the tree house I saw earlier, now learning that it was Zecora's house. "Let's see....my witch doctor had a mask like that, and my barbarian had a sword like that, and my wizard had spells that look like those paintings" I said, thinking about my Diablo 3 characters, knowing I would never see them again.
"What are you talking about?" Rarity asked, looking at the stuff I had pointed at. "Are you saying that magic and weird artifacts exist in your world?" She asked again, I thought about it for a second.
"Well, magic does exist, but we call it 'science' when it is just magic. They thought they could hide that knowledge from me!" I said, shaking my fist in the air. I brought it back down, laughing a little, but I stopped when they all just stared at me, confused for the most part. "That's out of the way, so why don't we find a way to get rid of this" I said, pointing to the fangs that we now longer.
Zecora nodded, then headed over to a book shelf, containing many books on remedies and medicine, potions and poisons, witchcraft and spell craft. She pulled out a book on mythical creatures, flipping through the pages, until she came to the page labeled 'vampony'. "To stop the undead, they need, a bed, some sand, and a special band" she said, pointing to the objects on the list. "The sand must be pure, and clearer then her" she said, pointing to the vampony on the page, her name being 'the sucker', known for sucking 306 ponies clear of blood.
"What about the bed and special band?" Twilight asked, Zecora headed over to a shelf, grabbing a band off the bottom shelf. It was a hairband, but it had some words on it, reading: 'To banish the dark, that hides in the soul, and to cleanse those, with the curse of the bite'.
"So it will make me good again?" I asked, she nodded her head, then grabbed some of my long hair, and put the band in, giving me a pony tail.
"And as for the bed, it can be many, but for this case, it has to be this bed" she said, pulling out an orb with mist inside it. The mist started shaping and forming, then a bed appeared, showing that the bed had green sheets, and butterfly shaped pillows.
"That's my bed" Fluttershy said, a blush forming on her face.
"Only the bed of the one who infected the victim, can be to one that will stop it's magic" she said, then she grabbed a map off the wall. "The sand will be found here, and is only available, once a year" she said, pointing at a pond on the map named, 'the crystal pond'.
"That would be today!" Twilight said, pointing at a calender on the wall. The current date read: February 15, 2015.
"Oh, so the pony worlds time is almost exact with human time" I said, remembering that the date on Earth was the 18th.
"I guess so, but we have to hurry! The magic at the pond will vanish in a few hours!" She said, pointing at a clock on the wall. "Fluttershy, get the bed ready, AJ and Rainbow, get to the pond as quickly as possible! As soon as you collect the sand, the magic should stay inside it" she quickly told them, RD and AJ quickly ran out, heading in the direction of the pond.
"What about us?" Pinkie asked, standing next to Rarity.
"Well, you could prepare a party for him, and I don't think he would mind getting some new clothes" Fluttershy said, while looking at the mustard stains on the back of my shirt. "How did you even get stuff on the back of your shirt?" She asked, poking it.
"Uh, got thrown onto someones hamburger during lunch, didn't expect someone so small to lift so much" I said, laughing a little. Fluttershy stared at me wide eyed.
"You eat foods from the Griffin Empire?!" She exclaimed, paling a little.
"Uh yeah, don't you gals al- OH YEAH! I forget, you all eat plants and other stuff, forgive me. Yes I eat meat and yes it's my favorite" I said, Rarity dashed out the door quickly, I could hear her puking all over the ground outside.
"Oh my" Twilight said, backing away from me a little.
"I think I'll just head back to Fluttershy's place now" I said, and just before I stepped outside, my stomach made the dying whale sound. "Shit"
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It's all right.
It was still good :D.
You need to put in jokes for oyur story.
Be quiet you.
5655588 But super, all of this is a joke!
Considering the fact that others make it hilarious when explained
That too
5655851 Yeah.
I know -_-.
It's really good though XD
Huh, this is the first fic I've read where the character doesn't apologize for eating meat and all that jazz.
5657903 Well, considering the fact that 5 years ago, I ate a hamburger with extra bacon, in front of like, 6 people who are against animal slaughter. They chewed me out, and kept asking how the pigs and cows felt, knowing they would be eaten. I told them they were excited, knowing they would become something delicous!
That's pushing it, even on my standards
Shut up Frank, I don't care!
......
Who does care really?
I am.....wondering why their are cock jokes.
XD