Everything Hates Me: A Bronys Adventure

by Narshlog117

The Final Piece. It's Over.

Chapter Eleven, Vinyl and Pinkie.

After that terrible audial, I went to Octavia and Vinyl Scratch’s house. As I opened the door, I was met by a face-tearing noise. My eardrums pulsated with each beat and my brain was bouncing around merrily.

“Holy shit, what is that noise?” I mouthed, but the synthetic sounds cancelled out mine and went down my throat to jiggle up my insides. I stumbled up to Vinyl’s mixing deck with my hands clasped over my ears and tapped her on the shoulder. This was the first time I could have used the word ‘Jumped’ and be accurate. She shot into the air and then fell back down again, knocking over an amp.

Cartoon physics, what else? I think to myself as she turns down the speakers and stops her records from spinning.

“Sup”

“Hey Vinyl, nice beat”

“Thanks dude…” Awkward silence.

“Shall we get to it?” I ask, pulling out my I-pod and pointing at the various instruments in the corner.

“Sure thing man” This was the eighth time I had been to Vinyl’s house to jam with her and share my music. I plugged it in to the makeshift dock and she scrolled through the menu of delicious ponystep. After a minuets consideration, she finally chose RainbowNukestep.

“Why am I not surprised? You pick the one that’s nothing BUT dubstep?”

“It’s a good number” She protested

“That it is, that it is.” I wander off to the corner and pick up the large red and green electric guitar and reminded myself of the familiar chords and patterns I knew and loved. She went off back to her mixing deck to alter RainbowNukestep and generally mess around with it.

After she was done, I picked ‘My Iron Lung’ by Radiohead and “Wish you were here” By Pink Floyd, just to have a laugh. She liked Radiohead and Pink Floyd, but still preferred her own remixes of the songs I had. I would sing and play lead guitar to them all, and she would make up her own beat and add other instruments to it. It was an ecstatic moment every time, we both loved the music, and we would just let it take us to another world. We would go on like this for hours. She picks a song, I would pick one, then her again, then me, until there was nothing else to play.

We would then work on our own songs, I would write a few lyrics, pick up an acoustic guitar and come up with riffs that suited the mood of the lyrics, and she would tinker with her computer and her records, trying to get as many obscene noises as possible in the mix. So far, we had come up with thirty seven songs, some of them were just rock, some of them just dubstep, some rap and classical as well when Octavia wanted to join in. When she was involved in a song, she would play a beautifully moving piece of cello or piano, and then Vinyl would add a beat, getting faster and faster and then out of the blue, a giant ass guitar solo would appear turning it into heavy metal, or a bass drop throwing it into mind melting dubstep. They both had some suspicions that some of the songs were bout them and other ponies in Ponyville, and when they asked who they were actually about I just gave the same answer each time.

“Where I come from, anything’s possible. Sometimes things just don’t make sense. How do you think I got here? How long is a piece of string? How big is the universe? And is there a fixed path for us all, or is it just a jungle of possibilities? No one knows, and if they did, they would probably go insane” After a while they just came to accept that fact, and continued with the music. When it was all done, we would just chill, the three of us, musicians just talking about ideas for new songs, showing off what we could do and chatting about life. We would go on like this until it was quite late, and then we would exchange goodnights, and I would go back to Twilights. At the end, we would always choose to do Bittersweet by Aviators. It was our favourite because we could all do something we enjoyed in it. Vinyl could have her synthetic noises and the beat, Octavia could play on the electric organ even if it was only a little piece, I could sing and play the acoustic guitar and it would sound great, it would bring memory’s flooding back for all of us. When I was back on Earth, I would listen to this track all the time, and just think. I let my mind wander around, I would just let the mood of the song choose what I did next. I had always really appreciated music, sometimes because it sounded amazing, and sometimes, because the lyrics really meant something deep down inside. We had to cut it short that night, because Vinyl had to go to a club and bust some ear-drums. I would have gone, but I was feeling especially shitty that night, so when she left, I did.

When I got back to Twilights I went straight to my sofa to try and get some kip. I’ll go fishing in the morning. I thought. I can deal with fishing. And eventually I got to sleep. I had a dream again. That one dream. All I can ever remember is falling out of the plane again and that hand. That weird hand would retract into the cloud with a laugh. It stuck with me, that one moment. Nothing else from the whole experience really stayed on my mind but that one small moment of confusion. After that, I would only see myself falling back first, towards the earth and the plane being shredded. As soon as I turned around to face the Earth and lose my baseball boot, I would wake up. Surely it had been a delusion I thought over and over. I HAD been falling to my death. Who wouldn’t have gone a bit crazy in that situation? But each time I said it, it just became even more unconvincing. I tried to forget it all, but it was impossible. There was no escape. I just had to put up with it, and get what sleep I could.

The next morning I awoke to Spike’s snoring once more, and I popped a gem in his mouth to suck on so he would be quiet. It worked for a while, but then he would realise what it was, and eat it. I grabbed my makeshift fishing rod, a bucket of worms and a large knife, and set off outside, out into the wild, wide outdoors and walked for around three quarters of an hour until I came to my regular spot, just off the outskirts of the Everfree Forest, near an old abandoned house with a small post-box. I sat down next to it, threaded a worm onto the hook, and flicked the rod, throwing the bait into the middle of the river singing all the while.

“Nobody knows, the trouble I’ve seen…” I began to sing, but then I got a tug on the rod. A bite! I started to reel it in and then sing the next line of the song, but a familiar pink something-or-other popped out of the post-box.

“HIYA PAL!”

“AAAAHHHHHHHgurglegurglegurgle” I had fallen into the water. I was pulled out by the pink figure and I watched as my fishing rod was washed away. I collapsed onto the bank hacking and coughing, lying on my back.

“OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!?!?!?” I looked up at a panicking PinkiePie.

“Pinkie… I’m ok” I muttered weakly.

“Oh, that’s right! PUMP HARD AND FAST!!!” She then jumped on top of me slamming her forehooves into my chest.

“Fuck-ing-hell-pink-ie-I’m-fine-quit-it!!!” I said, a syllable escaping my lips with each thrust of her hooves. She stopped.

“Now, the kiss of life”

“Wait, what? NO! PINKIE, NO! I’M hurglemufflenurr” She had put her mouth over mine and was forcefully breathing air into me and sucking it out again. I managed to roll to the side, pushing her off me.

“FUCKING HELL PINKIE, ITS OK, I’M ALIVE, STOP KISSING ME!!!!” I wiped my mouth and the rest of my face as well, just for good measures.

“YAY! I SAVED YOU! Oh, I’m such a good friend. Maybe I should become a doctor. OOOO THAT’S LIKE A GOOD IDEA! I could make healing cakes, and cookies that get rid of colds, and…”

“PINKIE, SHUT THE HELL UP, CALM DOWN!”

“OOOOOOOOO I’m gonna be the best doctor EVER!”

“Pinkie”

“Hello, Dr. Pinkie here, how may I assist you?”

“PINKIE!”

“WHAT?”

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT! I WASN’T OUT COLD!!! YOU DIDN’T NEED TO DO THAT!”

“Better safe than sorry” She stated. I just sighed and looked at her. It’s just PinkiePie being PinkiePie. I told myself. Calm down. I then looked at the river.

“My god damn fishing rods gone now… I had a fish hooked as well. Bollocks.” I kicked a rock into the frothing brew below.

“You call that a fishing rod? Pffft, here have this one, I’ve got like, a million” She then pulled out a fully sized fishing rod from the post-box. I looked into it. It was just a normal sized post-box.

“Um… Are you sure?”

“Sure I’m sure” She smiled at me. I was certain nopony sold fishing rods in Ponyville. In fact, I was pretty sure nopony sold them in the whole of Equestria, so where the heck did she get this?

“Ooooookay then… what else do you have in there?”

“Oh just general rubbish” She then proceeded to pull a canoe, a beach-ball, a cat, a piano and a giant rubber duck out of the small container. I looked into it again. Empty. I looked at the back and sides of it. It was still a normal sized post-box.

“Umm, is that all?”

“Nope” She then pulled out another cat, a sofa, lampshade and a 1997 edition of monopoly. “Ohhh, where is it..?” She said sinking her arm into it, then her head as well, then her torso, then all of her went inside it. “Bang, bang, smash, tinkle, MEEOOOOWWWW, smash riiiiip” were the noises I could hear from inside. When she finally returned again she was now in full scuba-diving gear.

“Pinkie, has anyone told you that you are THE most random pony ever with the weirdest sense of fashion and no sense of physics or possibility?”

“Nope”

“Pinkie, you are THE most random pony ever with the weirdest sense of fashion and no sense of physics or possibility”

“Okie dokie loki”

I shook my head. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Oh, this is just where I hang out to get some peace and quiet every now and then, try and relax. Even I don’t have an unlimited supply of energy you know?”

“I do now”

“You’re funny” she giggled.

“I have been told that” She giggled even more at this response.

“Anyway, what are you doing here?” I raised an eyebrow and waggled the fishing rod she had just game me in front of her. “Oh, yeah. Well, I’m going to eat this sandwich over here” She then brought a quadruple decker sandwich full of biscuits, donoughts, small cup-cakes and pickles into view, and went off to sit on the porch of the old abandoned house. I just blinked at her, then decided to give the fishing rod a whirl.

As the new worm plopped into the river as I heard a satisfied munching come from behind me. I looked around and in the distance I saw a familiar yellow mare drift over a hill with a massive group of birds. I smiled and looked the other direction, just the Everfree Forest, nothing special. Tug tug. I looked at the line. Tug tug. Another bite! I reeled it in and, brought out the fish and smacked it over the head with the hilt of my knife and plopped it into a separate bucket of water to keep it fresh. Then I heard a sound, a perfect sound, a sound that lifted my heart and brought my mind no end of pleasure and happiness. A SAXAPHONE! I whirled around to Pinkie and watched in awe at her playing the Alto Sax.

“You’ve got a saxophone as well!? Oh my god, what DON’T you have?”

“Not much” She replied. I was also pretty sure that no one sold saxophones around here either.

“Do you have a spare of those as well?”

“Well of course silly, can you play?”

“I LOVE to play the saxophone, I used to play it all the time before I came here” She rummaged around in the letter box and pulled one out. It was beautifully well made; it was silver and gold and also had red padding. I gave it a blow and years of practice came back to me in an instant. I started to play Baker Street. She joined in, and I didn’t mind that it was pretty much impossible that she knew how to play it, and just continued. I hadn’t played for ages, I just wanted to get the feel for it again, play my favourite songs on it. I then went on to do Mexican Hat Dance, and she pulled out a Sombrero, a poncho, a fake moustache and a real life lizard from the post-box and wore them all, the little lizard bouncing happily on her shoulder as she danced around me. I had to stop and laugh, it was just too ridicules.

“What the heck Pinkie?” She just chortled and continued dancing a crazy dance. When I finished, she collapsed in a heap.

“Ugh, I came here to rest and now I’m dancing. I can’t help myself, I’m just too exited”

“And I came here to fish, but now I’m playing a saxophone to a crazy Mexican pony with a lizard”

“Hoohahahahaha” She waved her legs in the air, and then wiped away a tear of laughter. I sat down next to her and we watched the water trickle by.

“You can keep the saxophone if you like”

“Really?”

“On one condition”

“Oh?”

“You come and see me more often”

I grinned at her. “Deal” I said. She was lying down, spread eagled in the grass, breathing slowly as the wind played with her mane. “Pinkie..? Pinkie?” She was asleep. I smiled at this and just lay down on the grass opposite her, enjoying the scenery.

Life in Ponyville sure was something. I was much friendlier with everypony here now, and they were much friendlier with me. There were always a couple who despised my existence, just because they were like that. There were, and are, always going to be people and ponies like that. It’s just the way they are. I shut my eyes and listened to the wind in the trees, and the nearby animals, thinking about the brony’s dream, that had become reality. Wait a minute, what if this whole scenario is going to be in the actual show!? I wondered. Meh, who cares? Let them see, I couldn’t care less anymore. And then I too, gradually drifted off to sleep.

THE END! FINALLY! NOTHING NOTEWORTHY HAPPENED IN THIS ENTIRE STORY! THE. FUCKING. END.

Author's Note:

well, I hope nobody enjoyed this story, and I advise anyone who did to seek psychiatric help immediately. I apologise sincerely for this monstrosity, but I feel that we need some shitfics to truly appreciate the good ones. See you later faggots.

Comments

[SiIver Spoon]

I can't believe he is still updating this. Why not to work on another story?

[Narshlog117]

5491762 because this one is good and fimfiction just needs more time to properly appreciate it

[Narshlog117]

http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/425918/rip