Diamond Tiara's Birthday Wish - 366 Days of Fun

by Theo Vellum

Day 9 November 2nd Sunday: The Mad Doctor

“I blame you for this, Diamond Tiara.” Silver Spoon groans in pain as we wait for the doctor to show up. “My teeth feel like they’ve been brushed with a spiky ball and chain, and driven over by a chariot, while the chariot is carrying the weight of Celestia’s Sun, and it’s exploding.”

“Oh yeah? Well my teeth feel like drilled through with a jackhammer, by a serial tooth killer, who drills them down to little pieces, while I can still feel all the little pieces. In three hundred times gravity!”

“Oh yeah? My teeth feels like I got challenged to an ultimate candy eating competition that ended with the ultimate junk candy showdown. Which I won! Ha!”

“My teeth feel like I had three bowls of broken glass and rusty wood screws for breakfast, and then a boulder for lunch.”

“Wel-”

“Without a fork.”

She remains silent after that. I smile in self satisfaction, only to grimace when I remember smiling hurts. Everything hurts my face. Both of us continue groaning in pain as Dad walks back from the receptionist table.

“Would you two please stop complaining? It’s your own faults for having that stupid candy competition in the first place. You don’t see Dazzle complaining, do you?”

“Mr. Rich, with all due respect, Dazzle is just a cat that somehow runs on sugar. I don’t think even that much would hurt him.” I’ll ignore Silver’s comment about him being just a cat. I’m in too much pain to insult her parrot. She’s lucky Dazzle is sleeping right now. I can’t be held responsible for what he might do if he heard. But then again, Dazzle has been known to pretend to sleep through important conversations in our house. She better watch her back.

The receptionist calls our attention. “Anyway, the doctor is ready for you all. Yes, that includes you too Dazzle. The vet has given up trying to understand you, so you’re ready for an actual doctor now.”

That woke him up, if he was even sleeping in the first place. I see him look to me uncertainly, I give him a quick pat on the head. It’ll be ok, the worst case scenario is braces... Oh, Mother of Celestia, it might not be ok.

---

The doctor was apparently curious about Dazzle from what the vet told him, so he got an x-Ray done on him. He scratches his white mane and looks at it carefully. Apparently he has the normal skeletal structure of a cat, sharp teeth, a couple cavities and a heart as black as his coat. Though he was probably joking on that last one. He seemed pretty satisfied at that point that he’s a normal cat. Which he isn’t, but Dazzle can be good at pretending when he wants to be.

Then he decided to take his blood sugar. Dazzle had to be strapped down so he wouldn’t scratch or do anything horrible when getting the needle. When the doctor sees the results, he spits out his coffee. His gray coat seems a bit ruffled, I'm sure he wasn't expecting that.

“Eighty percent blood sugar?! I’m sure there must be something wrong here, there’s no way he should be sitting in one place, let alone alive if that’s the case!”

“Well, how else is he going to stay so sickly sweet?” Dazzle and I pour on our most innocent smiles, Silver just gags.

“Are you kidding me? He needs to be studied, analyzed, and most of all, dissected to find out what makes him tick!” Did he just say 'dissected'?

“You wanna dissect my kitty?!”

“For science.”

“Um... Wow, look at the time. I guess we will have to come back to our appointment... NEVER! Silver! Get Daddy! I’ll hold him off!”

The crazed doctor leaps towards Silver. I quickly grab the bowl of sugar free gumballs and roll them on the floor in front of him. What comes next is the doctor slipping all over the place and landing on a table of equipment. A scalpel lands near me, and I take it. The madpony is still dazed, so I quickly cut Dazzle loose from the restraints.

“Diamond Tiara! Dazzle! What’s all the commotion?” Dad is running towards us at full gallop. Before he can reach the door, it slams in his face. The madpony locks the door and steps towards us slowly.

“You know, I used to be a great scientist... I used to be respected... But then the board got mad. They said my experiments were inpony. But your cat could get me respected again. Give him to me!”

I give Dazzle a look that I can only assume was filled with worry. Dazzle gives me a confident look though. I think I know what to do.

“If you want him you can have him!” I then throw Dazzle right at the madpony. He of course has his claws outstretched. Dazzle lands right on his head and starts scratching away at him.

“Owowowowow! Get off me you little... Ack!”

The next series of events happened in slow motion. I heard a big slam, Dazzle jumped off the doctors head in fright, and the door to the room suddenly slammed into him. All of this happened in a matter of seconds. The next thing I knew, the madpony was being arrested on charges of attacking a little filly, not to mention impersonating a doctor. I was still confused as to what was going on, but it looks like I just somehow caught a dangerous criminal. To think that I was so close to one and didn’t even realise it. It’s really scary. Needless to say, our checkups were delayed for a future day.

Of course, none of that shocked me as much as how much strength Dad showed when he bucked the door down on top of the doctor. He can be scary when he’s mad.

Day 9 END

Author's Note:

This was a chapter. And this doctor was a guy. Will he come back? Perhaps.

Comments

[Samey90]

So, Dazzle doesn't have sugar in his blood. He has blood in his sugar

[ServingSpoon]

I can't tell if this was a regular pediatrician visit or a dentist visit with all the talk of teeth and cavities.