Princess Celestia never thought she'd ever have a child, given her immortality and there being few who share it with her, but what if this child wasn't a pony? And wasn't even of her own blood? An attempt at getting back into making fanfics. I'm not the greatest so bare with me. ^^;
Edit:It seems some people like this fanfic but do admit that it is a bit flawed. The criticism is nice guys. I appreciate it. =^-^=
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maybe you could space the dialogues of the characters so we may differenciate them. and who or what is celestia going to have as a child?
Ok let me tell you, you have potential but you need to be more descriptive and to get those dialogues separated so one may undrestand them better, part from that, tracking.
Er, I.... I don't know where to begin with this fanfic. It's odd, it's uncharacteristic, but... It's interesting. I want to know where this is going. Moreover, I love how you handled Twilight. It's all very funny.
All right, now that I've gotten that out of the way I can tear this thing to pieces.
It's so gosh darn uncharacteristic! Agh! You took Twilight way too far. Although funny, she's not a light switch. There's a rhyme and reason to her freak-outs. They may be over-the-top, yes, but it's not at the slightest provocation. The same goes for Celestia. I... I don't know how to express my feelings for this, so I'll write a paragraph.
Her royal highness entered, giving a gentle but disapproving look to the mare whose instinct was to bow before her mentor. She looked down at her and unfurled her wings. The purple mare shuddered at her intimidating size, though she knew full well that her intentions were good. The expression on her face lightened, and she almost smiled before speaking. “I heard you were um......kinda panicking.” Celestia spoke the word 'kinda' with the grace only a princess herself could muster. The unicorn found herself nearly moved at these words. She could only find the strength to bow yet again with a single tear in her eye.
See? Can you see my plight now? Where in the world did you find the mindset to make Princess Celestia say the word kinda?
interesting
good start but it is still too early to determine whether the story is good or not
keep going
489499 You'll see in two more chapters. :3 And I edited the first chapter a little, does it look better now?
489535 Ah, I'm sorry.
As I've said in the description, I'm not the greatest so some criticism is nice. I can see where I may have went over the top, I'll try to dim it down to a reasonable level. But if you had to say, what should I do? What would you rather see?
489546 MUCH better I really like where this is going... I really hope you don't go and do something stupid like... I don't know make a cupcakes refference apart from that you are free to go and do whatever you want whit this.
489601 Haha, Cupcakes. I've seen plenty of it. Honestly I don't think it's that fear inducing and is rather overhyped, I've read much worse.
489535 Oh yeah, and that example paragraph. I lost it at the graceful "Kinda" part and the single tear part. XD
489627 Oh nononono, mind me Cupcakes ain't scarry, it is gruesome, the fact that involved my once favorite character Pinkie Pie in it just made it worse... the images would not leave my head until my best friend told me how to get rid of them.
489653 Aww. Well, Pinkie Pie is actually my favorite pony. It used to be Fluttershy, then it became Twilight Sparkle and after "Baby Cakes" which was one of the cutest episodes ever, Pinkie became my favorite.
489535
Oops.
Actually, that was one of my ideas and was wondering if I should go with it. Baby Discord is a cute and funny concept.
490077 Maybe. And you could add some interesting plot to it as well. Maybe some nonsense about Discord belonging in Equestria because Harmony = Balance and no Discord = Only Order, and that =/= Harmony?
490094 I do believe chaos is part of harmony, because what fun is there if everything makes sense?
baby discord peeing on celestia. LOL
keep writing!
D'awwwwww
just imagine a baby discord!
we NEEED a discord emoticon
or Cadence/Chrysalis
LOL I wonder what celestial playing with baby toysl looks like?
This sounds like a really interesting story so far. The concept is utterly adorable. I hope to see another chapter from you soon~!