• Member Since 18th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 11th, 2012

LaxBrony


E

Fel wakes up one day to find himself a pony. He has always loved the thought of being one and now he gets to experience it firsthand. The only problem is, he wakes up on Earth. What will everyone think of a small pony supposedly appearing out of nowhere?

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 15 )

Well, I've never seen a story like this before.

472384

i am in love with your gif:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

472331
That's good right? :unsuresweetie: Because I'm new to this fan fiction stuff :twilightsmile:

472400
Yes, in this case it's good.

Your writing is a bit awkward to read in places. Am I correct in assuming you wrote one draft and didn't revise it much, if at all? This is actually a pretty unique concept, and I feel that it would benefit greatly if you just touched it up a little bit. I'm sure that many of the users on this site would be willing to lend a helping hoof. In any case, I wish you the best of luck in this, and anything else you decide to work on. :twilightsmile:

And one thing that just nags at me, how did he bang his head against the wall without noticing he was a unicorn? That seems like just the thing that would alert someone to a horn on their forehead, either by way of headache or a case of hole-in-wall. :trollestia:

472508
I did notice a few mistakes in parts of my story (mostly things that were supposed to be italicized) but I'm going to assume this is because I copy/pasted from Microsoft Word. As for the horn, I thought about that for a few minutes contemplating weather or not the horn should break but I just went with it. I'll try and see my work through a little more carefully in the future. Thanks for your advice :twilightsmile:

Talking and thoughts should be in new paragraphs.

I let out a slow sight and facehoofed at my own lack of concentration.
“C’mon Fel, FOCUS!” I muttered to myself and looked up at the pencil for a third attempt.

Capitals at the beginning of sentences and names, like you learned in first grade. Grammar is a major problem. You can probably fix these problems with a little effort.

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

"You better start believing in those fanfics Fel. You’re in one!"

Four wall damage detected. keep it up.

great story keep going:pinkiehappy:
i tip my hat to you:ajsmug:

Awsome story so far!!:pinkiehappy:

Decent. That's all this is, nothing special. It'd be better if it were slightly less like blatant wish-fulfillment. In it's current state, it seems almost masturbatory. I'm sure you can improve if you work hard.

>masturbatory

What.

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