This story is a sequel to Fluttershy's Cloud Lessons
Rainbow Dash loves to spend time with her pet, Fluttershy. But thanks to her job, she almost never has anymore time with her. Despite this, she will always find time to spend those very special moments with her.
Today, Rainbow Dash gives Fluttershy a relaxing bath session in order to relax their souls. Their bath session is filled with bright and intimate actions that they love to do together. No matter what happens, and no matter how hard her job is being on her or how tired she is, Rainbow Dash will always spend at least some time with her very special pet, Fluttershy.
Note: This story may be a sequel, but it was written before the prequel.
Chapters (1)
Had lights on.
Some might like this, but I'm not so fond of it. Especially since the next bit of the paragraph is:
You don't need the sound effects if you're going on to say she's sighing.
Constructed.
No need for the comma before alone.
Nothing wrong with this. I just thought it was too adorable not to mention.
The word mane is repeated too often in quick succession. You can say hair, too, or describe what the mane feels like so it's less expository and more like something that's actually happening.
Clunkily phrased. Try, "Due to a pegasus' magic, Rainbow Dash's hooves were able to manipulate the durability of these clouds however she wished." Or similar.
Gets repeated WAY too often.
Strictly speaking, it would have to go in the AU category, since it's something that couldn't happen in the canon universe.
(And who the heck took a picture of them shortly after what I'm assuming was her home burning to the ground? Bit of a sicko, that guy/girl.)
Other than that ... y'know, this type of story really isn't my thing, but I did find it really quite cute, and I love how affectionate the pair are together. A stronger sense of the backstory would really help this along, I think.
This was immensely cute and heart warming. That ending though about pulled my heart in half ouo
4760729 Alright, I think I got those errors fixed. Thank you so much for informing me about them. I really appreciate it.
Great! That's what I was aiming for. I'm so glad you loved that bit.
Probably the same one that took that photo of them in the Butterfly Migration. Otherwise, if I do do a prequel, I could probably explain it. But I'm not too sure about doing one yet.
Either way, thanks for the feed back. My only question now is why this story isn't getting accepted into groups that sound appropriate...
4760845
You're quite welcome.
Glad I could be of some small service.
Prequel, please? I'll love you forever!
This was weird but I liked it :D
danmit all , i know of a pic where rainbow has fluttershy on a leash but i can't find it anywhere , i thought i had saved it but apparently not.....
4761831 I know of three different pictures that has Fluttershy on a leash or collar by Rainbow Dash, but neither of those fit well with this story.
4761858 oh really :o ?....
should link....
4762347 http://redapropos.deviantart.com/art/Found-a-Pet-383506211
https://derpibooru.org/474091?scope=scpee266f697485cb41a6c9fd2ba00d711315c26b98b
https://derpibooru.org/560332?scope=scpee266f697485cb41a6c9fd2ba00d711315c26b98b
There you go.
4761197
You and me both.
4762379 that first one was the one i was thinking of....
the second one i recall knowing about as well
the third one not though....
there was no sex in this :l .......
sweet another dream story , wonder if i'll ever make one....
I think I'll just skip this one.
th07.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/200/6/1/affection_by_infinitoa-d6e79qr.png
Source
4762640 How can you possibly skip what only has one chapter with no prequel or sequel?
4762694
I was going along the lines of, "I do not want to read this story, as Fluttershy is being treated like a 'pet' and the depiction of her is unsettling to me."
Nothing against you, but I don't feel comfortable reading a story like this, especially if Fluttershy is treated like a 'pet', as you call it, and it is odd that it almost seems like this isn't weird at all.
I actually thought this was a Dark story at first.
4762716 Well, this story was based off of a dream. It was originally meant to just be a pure Alternate Universe story where Fluttershy was always a pet, and Rainbow Dash didn't even live in Ponyville. But as I was writing it, ideas came up in ways that sounded like it would work without an Alternate Universe.
Right now, it looks like this story is really gonna need a Prequel based on how that like/dislike meter is being. I saw one of those likes change into a dislike, and I can probably bet that's because of the ending.
4762758
Good luck with you on your travels as writer, but as I said before, I am going to have to sit this one out.
I don't even know why I clicked on your title.
4762575 There were some pretty deep intimate scenes.
4762949 but nothing involving sex :l .....
4762995 I think that would cause it to become a mature rating.
4763018 indeed it would....
4760729
Question: What exactly is it that happens in this story that contradicts the canon of the universe. Because I don't think events in the future that are unlikely means non-canon unless it were completely impossible or otherwise ignore past events to make it happen.
4764774
Well, see, this is why I would've appreciated more backstory. I'm thinking of it as an AU because I don't see Rainbow Dash keeping a sentient being as a pet. Especially one who is also her best friend.
What I'm wondering is: did something happen to Fluttershy that left her with an animal-like mentality?
4760729
AU means that the story is based in a universe in which something happened differently that the way it is depicted in the canon universe. Not just something that wouldn't happen there or every relationship fic would need the tag.
Assuming the fic happens in future and assumes everything in the show happened beforehand, it's not AU. Though the character's actions could be construed as out-of-character.
4765340
Well, that's what I was just saying: there's the photograph of Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash after a fire, and I'm wondering when exactly it takes place. Also, why Fluttershy doesn't speak or seem to behave as a sentient (she doesn't speak or display any behaviour beyond that of a well-trained animal) being.
That strikes me personally as a bit of a departure from canon.
4765351
I took it as a future event since this is all happening some point after Scoots has learned to fly and RD & friends aren't keeping in as close a contact.
As to her not speaking (she is shown to understand what's being said just fine) and behaving like an animal - I know people in RL that do that. Sometimes they just enjoy that role and behave "normally" when not with their owner or when in public. Sometimes they can enter that stage through psychological trauma (which in this case could have happened when Flutter's cottage burned - possibly with some of her animal friends, like Angel, inside). It could even be a combination.
I would like to see the back-story, but I have no problems with this as one potential future - even if it wouldn't ever happen in the show.
4765381
Just realised I said "doesn't speak" twice in my last comment.
I guess that's the question I'm looking for an answer to: is it play-acting, trauma, or a combination?
4765427 Sounds like a prequel is definitely an order for this story. So, I'll definitely be doing one, but not right now. Look forward to it if your curiosity is really peaked.
4765786
It is and I shall.
4765786 read the prequal, read the original, and now I am demanding a sequal! Perhaps maybe with a little bit of the og fluttershy coming back, but instead of going full fuctionality, you can keep her pretty dependent and still in need of RD.
5005719 "og Fluttershy"?
Anyway, you're the second person to have requested a sequel, both involving Fluttershy somehow being able to restore her mentality. But the only thing that I've had thoughts for this series was an epilogue chapter for the prequel that would tie up a bit more information that would lead to this sequel.
This was SOOOO adorable, it made me remember why I got into FlutterDash in the first place
PLEEEEEEAAASE write more?
5205646 Wow... a lot of people have been requesting for this story... First a prequel and now a sequel... To think this started off from an idea based on a dream I had...
Sadly I don't have any ideas for a sequel.
But thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed it.
5205662 i might have an idea for you. What would happen if oh, say a villain or something were to come up? How would the Mane 6 deal with it?
5208840 Same way since the Elements of Harmony have been sent back to the Tree of Harmony... let Princess Twilight Sparkle deal with it...
But either way, that would sound like it'd have to be an entirely different story idea altogether.
5209142 just an idea.
I honestly don't know what I just read, but I like it.
I read the prequel to this one before reading this one and I loved both of them. I think a sequel would be nice too, and I even have two ideas for one. Here they are:
1: Something happens that reveals that Fluttershy regained her mentality a few years after the event but before this story as well as her ability to speak but loved being Rainbow Dash's pet so much that she couldn't bear to tell Rainbow Dash.
2: Something happens that causes Fluttershy to regain her mentality like Rainbow Dash being in danger and Fluttershy noticing and snapping out of her state in order to warn Rainbow Dash.
The neat thing about both of these ideas is that Fluttershy can remain Rainbow Dash's pet by choice even after her mentality is restored.