- Member Since 17th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen April 17th
FabulousDivaRarity
I'm a Proud ABDL mommy. Writer of padded pony fics, a lot of fics about Shining Armor and his mom, several about Rainbow Dash and her family, and far more mom stories than you can imagine.
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FabulousDivaRarity · 3.2k words · 53 5 · 2.3k views
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Too good a story to let Murphy get away with this. No suggestions I know you wont need them.
"You see princess, I have taken in a homeless ( ? ) and has no family.
Have another up vote.
Aight, i can't pass up this potential cuteness.
Imma read it.
Not a bad story I just saw a few things I want to point out.
Your tags seem a little overreacted, yet it's tragic, but you didn't go into enough description to make me go OH MY GOSH that's horrible! Yes it's horrible it's just all you said that her mom died giving birth and her dad left her, you could've done a lot more with that.The dark tag was unneeded, dark is when your making a horror story, I saw nothing that needed it. The tags just should've been Sad and Slice of Life.
Another thing is your chapter name, Evolution
I don't get it. It would've made more sense if you'd have done that and added on thier relationship over the years. Plus you need to indent your paragraphs, I know your probably like "I can write however I want!" But look at any book for example, you'll see they have indents in the paragraphs. Last thing I saw was at the start you capitalized pegasus. Overall your story was good, I just think you could've done those things to make it better.
Till the next one
-R
SOOOO CUUUTE!!!!! Taking it off read later and adding it to favourites
I haven't read yet but jugging by the tital its a Scootadop Fav and like
I am smiling like a idiot right now. Such a sweet story.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwww.
A very nice story, made me feel very warm and fuzzy. I would have liked to see Luna sign the form as well, just because that makes it even more awesome with both Princesses putting their names on the line.
D'awwww... that's cute.
I must say, though, that the dialogue between RD and the princesses was a little awkward, though...
The fuck *takes out pistol and shoots my head* Ghost me: Rainbow Dash being sweet caused this
Sweet as a sugarcube.
Right, Sugarcube?
4711034 My fav is How to Preen your Chicken!
You got the tom-colt mom Rainbow Dash, her daughter/sister Scootaloo, and Tank the Tortoise as a family.
I know that you wrote this long before I got the idea to write my Scootaloo story, but this kinda seems like a sequel to mine.
I had loved it if she suddenly called her mom as an accident, and then the adoptions started somehow, but i like it this way too.
one of the very few one chapter fanfics i enjoyed, they mostly like in this one have many time skipps or are just, ...........i don´t know what i should say but i think i could say i find them to vague. (I really don´t know how to say it right now, and that i am German doesn´t help, but i look foward to the sequel.)
Good fluff story, if a bit rushed and one dimensional.
(Besides, shouldn't this have an AU tag?)
Incredibly fast paced story is fast.
So is Rainbow Dash so story is good still.
Hard to say all I want to in fragments.
But seriously, in all honesty, this was a good story and I loved reading it. 10/10
Two things:
1: Da'wwwwww!
2: Normally, I have to consider whether or not to favorite a story. I'm pretty sure it happened on reflex this time
Now, off to read the sequel!
Love seeing Dash scoots slice of life stories! it was pretty much what everyone is waiting for dash to do
Overall you kept it short and simple and to the point, and made it an easy read! Easy on the mind and eyes .
if i could offer some advice for the future, make use of your descriptive words as well as giving us a little more time to soak up the surroundings. It really felt like we were rushing through the story faster than dash at alot of points. An example of some rewording or adding in detail. (in red):
"I can't tell you yet." Dash replied reluctanctly.
Twilight, curious but deciding not to pry accepted her friends request. "Alright..."
Spike hurried down the staircase nearly tripping over a small mound of books twilight had left in her usual afternoon study time. "Did Somepony call my name?" He asked.
also
"Me? What did I do?" Dash asked, a little shocked from her response.
Celestia looked at her warmly, "You reminded me of what's really important, and the charity that lives in every heart."
add some more detail for us to sink our teeth into. it'll help you as an author to help the audience get a clear picture of what's happening, as well as give us emotion for the story. It'll both lengthen your stories in a healthy way as well as make an emotional connection between the audience and the characters.
in other words, help the audience to become involved with the story by evoking emotions.
also one more thing before i quit pestering you
remember with stories usually you want the setting, conflict, rising action, climax and resolution. (man i sound like my old english teachers
) Put a conflict that needs to be overcome. Perhaps word gets out that scoots is an orphan and pony social services try to take her and dash has to make the hard decision between giving scootaloo the home she's always deserved or getting into the wonderbolts, or even trouble trying to prove she's a capable parent. Granted sometimes it's nice to just have a freeflowing story about how a lonely abandoned young Pegasus finally gets a break in life.
But ya, so imagery, length, slow down, let the reader get comfortable, and most importantly, emotion!
a great example that might help with some ideas would be a story i just read actually with a similar storyline: "will you keep my secret?" by xCobaltRainx
Well thats it for me, i wish you luck in your future stories and i hope i helped a little.
Great story! keep up the good work!
and for some reason here's a derpy!
WHO WOULD DARE DISLIKE THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?
I WILL KILL THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5854973 calm down they where pushed into a black hole by yours truly though I probably should have give them to pinkamina and requested cupcakes
4711254 while your smiling like an idiot I'm smiling like thissuperherosource.com/ebay/kickassdeluxe/ru4189ou2.jpg
Wow, so sweet!
Such a sweet story. I enjoyed it so much and it warms my heart when I read a mother/daughter story for these two. Great story.
Normally, I don’t show much emotion, I hardly cry, I hardly show the fact that my heart is warmed by something.
But, Scootalove fanfics always make my heart melt, there’s no point in hiding it. Thank Celestia for writers like you, who write fics to make us all feel better.
Awwww, that's sweet.
You've melted the transistors of an old electric engine, which, trust me, takes some doing.
good story, but if i'm to be honest, my views of you personally kinda soil it
not enough to prevent enjoyment, mind
I always love stories where Scootaloo gets a happy ending.
Now if only she could fly.
9536374
Ikr! They’re the best!
Reading stories from so many years ago brings me nostalgia.
It's just as I remembered the fanfics of those times: simple, direct, easy to understand, and emotional in its own way.
While this went by a litttle quicker than expected, stories like this will always remain a guilty pleasure of mine, and this was nevertheless quite enjoyable! <'3