• Member Since 12th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Monday

Flutters Is Shy


Howdy

E

Pinkie Pie really should have known better, some folks who could see were startled something fierce by her welcome wagon. That poor little filly had no idea what hit her.

And now she has to live with it.

Inspired by a scene from the story ...And it's freaking cold up here.

Featured for about five minutes on 3/26/15

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 59 )

Really nice, beautifully written, and it made me all warm and tingly inside at the ending. :)

Huh. I haz feels. But not a crushingly sad amount.

5786274
Not meant to make super sad. Just to explore what might happen if Pinkie messed up.

So besides the point that pinkie broke into a house, into a little fillies room....
It was a good story.

5786328 She may be viewed as a good pony by the majority of the town, but she does some out there stuff.

Please continue! :pinkiehappy:

I would be surprised if this doesn't make it to the Featured Box.

I really like this. Please continue!

More! This is to asadable (sad/adorable) to let end so soon!

I noticed some errors here, mainly missing apostrophes, but otherwise, excellent job. I like it, and you've definitely earned a favorite and a follow!

If this is well recieved, I might repeal the 'completed' tag and write up another chapter.

Well better get started cos this is gold. Sad but sweet pure GOLD. :pinkiesad2:

Comment posted by PegaSeraph deleted Mar 27th, 2015

The completed tag should indeed be removed,
this deserves a sequel.
Have a like:pinkiesmile:

5786661 New word? I like:twilightsmile:

Comment posted by PegaSeraph deleted Mar 27th, 2015

Do NOT make this incomplete.
This is a complete work. It's beautiful, with a wonderful character arc that leaves me satisfied.
Too many times have I seen stories that ended perfectly well, made me smile and be happy, then overstay their welcome horribly. I don't want this to be one of them.

What exactly could you do with a story like this, anyway? I mean, Pinkie interacting with the blind would be an interesting way to go, but I mean from the end point of this story specifically. All of Pinkie's internal conflicts have been resolved, and showing how she deals with all of the external ones like the restraining order, or how she tries to be friends with her, might invalidate everything that's happened in the beginning - it certainly won't improve upon the beginning, if nothing else.

Let us fill in the blanks.

:pinkiesad2: Awww... I'd like to see this continue.

Please let her be allergic to vanilla.

This is quite good. I like how Pinkie realizes she did something wrong, feels sincerely guilty, and quickly attempts to make amends. (I wish she were more like that on the show, sometimes.) :fluttercry:

And I am thrilled to hear that you were inspired by a scene from my story. Fav'd and followed!

Ahh the cupcake of sorryness

This is awesome! Liked and faved.
Though it would be nice for a sequel

Awww very sweet story, and a surprisingly good justification of Pinkie solving the problem by B&E'ing.

I will say though, the language you chose for the apology really didn't sound like Pinkie Pie. These two sentences in particular sounded a lot more like something Twilight would say:

Please don't hate, or fear music for what happened to you. Music is a truly wonderful and beautiful thing....

I acted without thinking, putting you in a situation I wasn't aware would frighten you to the extent it did

I can't tell you exactly what to write - Pinke is the most difficult character for me to write, but I can tell what she doesn't sound like

Also, why did you tag the Mane 6 and not Spike or the mayor?

5787886
Honestly? Completely forgot about that. The initial draft had her talking to Twilight and Applejack within the library, like in the Cranky Doodle episode. I scrapped that after I found it to be dragging on a bit. Thanks for catching that, fixing now.

I enjoyed this story greatly. Not sure if it should be continued as it arcs wonderfully but I'm going to follow it just in case.

Hmm, I could see some more workin' out of this... It was a excellent little tale of sad fluff.

Featured for about five minutes on 3/26/15

That made me chuckle for a second. Lol, ya could have just said featured on 3/26/15, but I guess that little note right there was what made me really read this good fic.:pinkiecrazy:

5790080
I love your profile pic.

D'aww... This was really sweet.
Good Job. :twilightsmile:

5787024 I do kind of wanna see Pinkie have a blind best friend though. It's an interesting concept. Maybe a regular sequel to separate rather than a continuation?

5792533 Yes, a sequel might be the way to go (though I was imagining something along the lines of 'spiritual successor. Anything that makes it so that we don't feel obliged to read the two stories together is fine, though). I'd love to see Blind Shot's (Temp name until Flutters comes up with a real one) perspective as she learns to tolerate and even like Pinkie Pie.

5791342 You mean mine?

Thank you, if that's so. It's Foxglove.

5795266
I remember her, from Rescue Rangers. She and Dale made the cutest couple!~

5795319 It's nice to meet a fellow Foxy-Dale fan.

I have some RR fics featuring Foxy (say that three times fast!) up at fanfiction.net if you're interested. The very early ones are long, multi-chapter affairs.

5795545 Send me a pm, I am very much interested. =)

5795620
Well I hope you didn't get in too much trouble...

5795714 Your profile picture is disturbing :fluttercry:

Dawwwwww that was adorable

I would love LOVE to see a continuation of this. :yay:

Pinkie gains a level!
Pinkie wants to learn move 'Stalk' but can only know 4 moves!
Forget: Eat, Sleep, Party or Breath?

5812078
She forgot the move Sleep!

Pinkie learned Stalk!

I wrote a review of this story. It can be found here.

So... turns out she's allergic to vanilla too. :pinkiesick:

Blunt review: they only problem is the that it progressed to quickly, if it was 3 chapters or more would work in my opinion.
The first chapter describes how it happened, chapter 2 tells the "legal battle", chapter three could be chapter one but from the fillies poiny of view of the incident and when she and her family got home and the filly tring to do a "simple task" ends up crying, chapter 4 ends the story not really "problem solved" but does does tell an ending. But thats just me.

5913710

Thank you for taking time out of your day to give an impartial, and informative review.

Oh Pinkie :pinkiehappy: ...You're going to jail :trollestia:

Oh, Pinkie. Hindsight is a bitch. I think most of us have done things with good intentions only for it to screw up and really hurt us in the end.

Persimmon Shot, Straight Shot, and their daughter.

Was her name "Blind Shot"?:trollestia:

This was a good short story. I liked it.

But seriously, though, Pinkie. Listen to me. That wasn't a smart move. If she screamed or anything else, you would have been in major trouble. There is still no telling if she'd tell her parents that the "Music Monster" visited her last night and brought her the cupcake. The Shot's would have plenty of proof that Pinkie violated a restraining order, and that would be bad.

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors.

Name of Story: Flutters Is Shy's Pinkie Pie startles a blind filly.

Grammar score out of 10: 10. Couldn't find anything wrong.

Pros: To me this shows that Pinkie Pie realizes that not everything can fixed with sweet as Spike mentioned by still went along with trying the cheer up the filly.

Cons:

"I just don't know what went wrong," I muttered, copying the favorite phrase of the mailmare who usually ended up breaking the mailbox in front of Sugarcube Corner.

Seems a little mean to refer to Derpy like that, even though we all know Derpy's...well: Derpy.

I should have been able to tell something was off by the fact that her eyes never seemed to focus on anything, or that she didn't seem to be looking at anything in particular.

Wearing dark shades could maybe give a indication of some kind to better reinforce the fact of the filly's blindness.

A small hoof appeared, reaching above the window sill, probing, slowly searching for the cupcake. It finally found it, and pulled it over the side.

A little tumbling round might make looking for the cupcake a bit more believable.

I think you could possibly make this maybe another two or three chapters to possibly explain what happened afterwards, but just my opinion.

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/263561/everfree-incident May not make much sense seeing as there two sequels to this, but I didn't want you to read a 25 chapter and 23 chapter in progress story when you only did one chapter. :twilightsmile:

6034024 Quote from fic : "Pinkie, I don't want this to progress to the point where they feel the need to file a restraining order against you."

Pinkie cannot violate an order that hasn't been filed yet eh.

Login or register to comment