Greatings I am Rathbane (muhahaha) just kidding actually a pretty nice guy with a cool sounding name.
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Dr. Spiral Swirl, a psychologist unicorn has set up her practice in Ponyville, and while she does help ponies with their problems, they are quick to learn that she has additional ideas in mind. Using her trusty pocket watch to induce hypnosis she quickly begins turning the ponies of Ponyville into her hypnotized slaves. How many will fall under her spell before she's stopped...can she be stopped?
Awesome cover art by Tinker Tie over on Deviantart
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This is pretty good. This ALSO seems to be one of the few Hypnosis fics about someone controlling others without using sex. Good work. I am favoriting this, and I await more, hopefully soon!
4463884 watch it just immediately turn into a clop because of you
next should be lyra and bonbon
4464524
Nope, not clop!
4464524
Rathbane, this is why you should reply in comments instead of PMs...
Unless that's just how you operate...
4464531
Didn't know I could reply to comments. That's how green I am.
A very nice start! I enjoy the concept, but I feel like I'm rocketing into it. Our hypnotist, who should be the main character, feels like a tool of the plot. That's a common problem to writing, and generally, I leave it alone, but I'll just let you know about it. There's not much depth to her. When did she decide to start enslaving Ponies? It sounds like Octy was her first. Did she just wake up this morning and say "screw ethics"?
Speaking of which, Octavia and Vinyl seemed to fall under her control fast. This is bad writing for mind control in general, but if they were her firsts, that's simply unbelievable. I'm not asking for an epic mental struggle, but hypnosis is a guided journey, not a flip you can switch. It would be much more engaging to see her slowly bring them down, tell them how relaxing her voice is. How easy it is to watch the swaying of her watch and let the world drift away. How they may find their thoughts drifting as well, and that's okay, because it feels nice to drift and relax. And as they relax, they can find her words sinking in so deeply. It feels nice to listen, and to obey. As they sink deeper, they find themselves in a state of perfect trance, where it's so natural to give up control. To give up control and become a hypnotized slave.
...something like that. Just a suggestion. Try and shake up the inductions a bit, too. It felt like you copied and pasted Octavias induction for Vinyl, and that's kinda boring.
Hoping to see Vinyl's sister! Hoping she's not going to wind up being the perfect fix for all these problems!
I don't mind a hero, but someone who swoops in and wins on the first try is dull.
4464640
Wow, thanks for your thoughts on the subject :)
We will see Spiral Swirl's motivations down the line and no Octavia and Vinyl are by no means her first victims, just her first victims from Ponyville.
I will try and do a better job with the inductions in the future thanks for putting me to task on that, and as far as how quickly they fall under her power I mostly attribute it the magic nature of the hypnosis (having grown up in the age of instantaneous mind control villains on TV shows) plus most of Ponyville's got to be a bit mentally weakened what with all the craziness they have to put up with and maybe as a side effect of the want it need it spell ^_^
Hmmm... I'll give this a favorite.
4464812
Thank you good person with the gun toting Trixie. Glad you like Spiral Swirl's look enough to quote it ^_^ I was shooting for something unique there, at least I hope I did.
4464682
Well in that case, give me juicy details
4464640 Thats my favourite part in every story featuring hypnosis^^ Seeing how the 'victim' is taken under^^ Sadly not many stories sepnd much time on that part. That doesnt mean those stories are bad, no. I just wish more stories would put more emphasis (spelling) on the induction.
I like how you think.
Stopwatches are practically cliche now.
4468078
True, but they're a fun cliche to work with ^_^
4464836
Well I do like the design, but I also happen to write for a character called Spiral Dream. Here's a drawing of her:
i.imgur.com/Q9lEkqy.png
The resemblance sorta caught me off gaurd, but I know you didn't mean it. ^^
I really like it, but maybe you could also write what the pony being hypnotized is feeling. Like, how they're getting slowly tired and how more and more tempting it is to just sleep and give in to the good Doctor's voice.
4470168
You'll see just that in the next chapter in the form of a pony that didn't agree to be hypnotized, or was tricked into being hypnotized. Since they're actively being hypnotized against their will and they know it's wrong.
4470866
Oooh, I can't wait!
I love a good hypnofic, but as Angelgrace said, depth and gradual inductions are key. This looks promising so I will keep my eye on it
4471702
Glad it was able to catch you eye.
4464529 Whew, you have no idea how many good stories are ruined by that crap
4463884 its not selfpromote but.... oh forget it
Interesting story. Now two of the elements are hypnotized. I wonder which one will be next.
4768178
Glad you're enjoying it :)
As for future hypnosis victims you'll just have to wait and see ;)
Go ball of yarn! *not very effective*
4769583
Dr. Spiral Swirl used hypnosis. It's Super Effective!
Liking the story so far! If I may make a recommendation, entrancing ponies and leaving triggers is fine, but in my opinion they should at least be used for something, if only for instance advertising Spiral's business. You did well with Vinyl and Rarity in that department, but it always seems like a bit of a waste when they're hypnotized without any purpose or use.
Also just a request, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon next please :3
nice fight Sweetie Belle. too bad you failed
and became a slave 
now time to go look up how to hypnotize someone! 
don't worry you won't become my slave I wouldn't know what to do with you! 
4770210
4770210
Glad you're liking so far. And yes I'll admit there is a lacking in giving the slaves commands beyond the initial enslavement and triggers. But this is more of a stealthy take over so she's more focused on turning them into sleeper agents right now if you will. But don't worry she'll have more commands to give to her slaves in the coming chapters.
4772011
Nice to know Sweetie really has her supporters. And good to know you're a benevolent hypnotist. I just don't think Spiral Swirl likes competition.
4772638 that thought crossed my mind earlier. oh and I gave up on hypnotism since I couldn't understand it
I might try again someday though. 
Not bad so far, I like what I read, keep up the great work. I'm looking forward for more
4789691
Thank you kind sir for your kind words. Glad you're enjoying it.
Yep, this is really going into my favorites. Evil hypnotists rule!
4813630
Glad you're enjoying it.
And really hypnotists in general rule, be they evil or benevolent.
Think Spiral Swirl could try hypnotizing a pony such as... me? O_O
4994235
You never know. She is quite capable with that pocket watch of hers ;)
We'll see about that. 'Phoenix used ball. Not very effective' Can't look at that watch!
5001912
LOL looks like you went to the sweetie belle school of fighting against evil hypnotists ^_^
You'll never hypnotize me, doc! LOL
Well looks like Rainbow's in another Daring Doo plot (sort of
)
5073941
LOL and it looks like it javascript:void(0);won't turn out too well for her unlike Daring Do
Ah, quite good, a nice read. A shame it was slightly short, though, but whatever you feel is best. Hope to see more of this soon.
5077444
Yeah sorry bout the semi shortness to it, but really you can't do all that much with characters being hypnotized at the hospital ^_^ Glad you enjoyed it.
5079653
The thousands of stories on the mind control archive say otherwise. There's ALWAYS something more to do with hypnosis!
5100663
LoL yeah there are endless possibilities on what you can do with hypnosis. It's just the way I've got this mapped out in my head the limit gets a little more endable...uhhh.
So what's this short story that comes next? Following a different character, or what some of her hypnotized slaves are doing?
I... this is probably strange, but the rapid-fire, almost back-to-back inductions present actually made me a little woozy, similar to being a little tipsy.
Fantastic work.
Please, sir, can I have more?
Woo, finally got around to reading this one.
Glad I did!