My Greatest Failure

Ever since he had left Twilight at the wedding rehearsal, Spike had wondered if he should still be Twilight's assistant. However, with the help of Rarity, he plucks up the courage to tell Twilight about his feelings.

*Special thanks to YodaJax10 for his contributions.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 12 )

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J-Russ

J-Russ #1 · May 24th, 2014 · 1 · 3 ·

This really needs some work a lot of parts read like they are out of chronological order like Spike seeing Rarity running to him and deciding to confess his feelings BEFORE he sees her and is surprised to see her.

Angelus Alvus

Angelus Alvus #2 · May 24th, 2014 · · ·

Quite good story.

OmniFox

OmniFox #3 · May 25th, 2014 · · ·

It's "Hope to fly".

Jack Kellar

Jack Kellar #4 · Jun 11th, 2014 · 1 · ·

"Hi, Spike," she said happily as she walked in the door. "It's too bad you weren't feeling like yourself today. We had a great picnic and Rarity wore her favorite hat for you. She says that she is sorry you weren't there today.”
But, Twilight could see that there was something more to Spike’s behavior than she thought. It seemed like there was something that he was hiding from her and Twilight had to find out what it was. She was due to leave for Canterlot to visit Shining Armor and Princess Cadence since they were back from their honeymoon.
"Are you sure?" Twilight asked confusingly. “I can stay for a while if you want me to.”

There's a whole chunk of the story missing in this section. At the very least, one paragraph.

rainbowdash359

rainbowdash359 #5 · Jun 17th, 2014 · 1 · ·

RARITY! THE WORDS ARE 'Hope to fly' NOT 'Hope to die'! Anyways, I loved the story!

King of Kings

King of Kings #6 · Jan 15th, 2015 · 2 · ·

Rarity said as she did a Pinkie Promise. "Cross my heart, hope to die. Stick a Cupcake in my eye.

WRONG! That is not a Pinkie Promise! That is a shameful excuse for a Pinkie Promise (The only reason that I am being so harsh about this is because there are plenty of examples of Pinkie Promises being said in the episode Green Really Isn't Your Color, and it is also said in the episode, The Last Roundup, and it is also said in the episode Princess Twilight Sparkle - Part 1, Pinkie Pride)! HERE IS A PINKIE PROMISE!:
"Cross my heart, hope to fly stick a cupcake in my eye." SLIGHT DIFFERENCE THERE!

twilightsparkle3562

twilightsparkle3562 #7 · Jan 16th, 2015 · · ·

5509319 That has been an error I have been meaning to correct. Sorry about that, its all fixed now.

Aura Zero

Aura Zero #8 · Jan 5th, 2016 · · ·

Well, the story is okay, but there were a few things that rubbed me the wrong way. For ex.

I'm going to tell you only because you are the only one who really cares about me besides Twilight.

Not.true.at.all. All of the mane six care about Spike. Fluttershy thinks he is adorable and interesting, Applejack always shows concern for him whenever he is in trouble or acting up, Pinkie Pie likes everypony and actually considers Spike one of her best friends, and Rainbow Dash considers him a 'cool' dragon.

So that small thing bothered me... As well as Spike calling Twilight mom.

No. Just, no.

Other than those there were a few grammar errors and seemingly missing sections of paragraphs, but overall it can still get a decent rating from me.

7 out of 10 for Sad
10 out of 10 for Slice of Life
6 out of 10 for grammar
7 out of 10 for overall story.
Still worth a like.