This story is a sequel to Becoming Twilight
Twilight, though more confident now, finds that she really needs to pay more attention to Spike. This presents a whole new set of challenges in her life but she's used to that right?
Chapters (4)
RandomGreymane
Joined 17th Nov, 2012 ·
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Oh, hey! Sequel fic! Woohoo.
Did you change something about how you do your writing? This feels sort of... less polished than Becoming Twilight. I think this chapter could use another go-over; I've spotted a few missing commas and awkward passages.
Still, good work, looking forward to the rest.
6403064
It is indeed less polished. I'm out of the habit. It's been 6 months really since I've written anything more than an email or something similar.
Also this chapter was written over the last couple of months so it a little disjointed and I didn't edit as well as I could have. I definitely rushed myself with this one and it shows.
But the fact that I got a chapter done at ALL is something important to me. It's been hard to do much of anything lately...
6404114
That is a feeling I can greatly sympathize with, seeing that I'm in the exact same situation of "I need to get SOMETHING out to tell myself I'm still writing."
Don't give up, keep writing and I'll keep reading.
Do try to consider going back and polishing it a bit when you're back into the habit, you'll feel that much prouder for it.
So... what I'm getting is that the prequel is standard "Twilight learns and changes so much in her life, goes on adventures, travels the world... Spike need not apply. She forgets he exists" fare... and the very beginning of this is Spike (rather rightly) being angry that she left him behind when she starts dealing with everyone else?
... Interesting.
Hey! An update. Cool!
Some of the paragraphs are italicized. Are those mistakes or on purpose?
I see that Twilight has some guilt at her abrupt prolonged disappearance, but is Spike 100% cool with her, now? I don't get a vibe there is tension between the two of them, but she still takes time out to feel guilty, and it would be understandable if Spike actually still held resentment or fears he's trying to ignore so they can repair their relationship.
But as it is its mostly a happy joking relationship with Twilight occasionally telling us she feels guilty.
Also, while Spike said "I know people but they aren't close" and then talks or thinks about Big Mac I think I get a bit sad that they've been through things together but supposedly "didn't get close."
8011429
The formatting is quite possibly borked. It should only be Italicized where thoughts are represented. And the odd word for emphasis. But I used the gdocs importer because cut/paste didn't keep the formatting. I'll try and check it over later tonight.
As for tension, things are not okay between them. But that will be revealed further down the road. I know I've continuity errors and other mistakes in this stuff but finding time write, let along to check and edit has been a real problem.
8011445
Sometimes I get a good result with the importer... other times not. Lately more often not.
I suspected there would be some issues later, yes.
I read the prequel but I cannot remember it clearly enough to tell you where there are Continuity issues. But if your goal is to write with not a lot of free time, indeed many revisions would slow things down considerably.
8011509
Honestly I can try and make the time but without going into too much personal detail it's a question always of what's my time worth. Is anything worth it? Motivation is one my my biggest problems. It's easier when I can keep things moving and don't stop. Once I stop though it's hard to overcome the inertia.
My own mind is my worst enemy most days.
I'm enjoying this, and curious to see where you're going with the tutoring.
That said, there is improvement to be had in formatting and punctuation, and it puts a bit of a damper on the reading.
Have you considered asking around the fandom for an editor? You could probably get a prereader or two. That would definitely help on that.
8019809 Replying from my phone so hope I clicked on the right comment.
The formatting is bad due to gdocs importer. It screwed up on the other updates as well. I'll fix those soon. Maybe tonight.
As for a proofreader, the last one that volunteered vanished as soon as I gave him access to the docs. So I'm a little gun shy. It's on my list though, thanks !
8019809
There, most of the basic formatting is sorted out. It looks like the gdoc importer is adding an extra italics tag or the editor is ignoring an italics-off tag when it's right before a paragraph. Either way, removing the added italic markup seems to have solved it.
Very annoying as the gdocs importer used to work flawlessly for my documents. (Of course that was three years ago...)
Off to get some sleep. Health issues for old ponies. ;-)
i really like this fanfictinon series i hope this story continues/finishes.