Never The Final Word (Vol. 1)

by horizon

Lunae Lumen's "The Toughest" (Aegis Shield's "Human Rituals")

Author's Note:

[Comedy]

This chapter is written by Lunae Lumen. It is a continuation of Aegis Shield's Human Rituals (7817 words, [Human] [Slice of Life]).

HUMAN RITUALS SUMMARY: A human in Equestria explains various cultural differences to the ponies he lives with. This microfic is based on a particular line from Chapter 3, in which the human visits a local restaurant with Spike (and discusses the custom of tipping).

Spike and I stood in front of the one ‘foreign’ restaurant in Ponyville. I scratched my head a little at the black and red sign as the last train of the day screamed by. Spike held onto my hair since he was sitting on my right shoulder. I swatted at him a little, then let him slide down my arm as we approached the bouncer.

“Welcome to the Predator’s Lounge,” the lion-bodied bird at the porch said with a snarl. “How tough are ya?!” He leaned at me aggressively, even though I towered over him by several feet.

Pinkie Pie walks into a bar. Poking out from her frizzy mane is the familiar spiral shape of a unicorn's horn.

“Welcome to the Predator’s Lounge. How tough are ya?!”

Pinkie slowly raises a hoof to her head. There is a resounding CRACK as the horn snaps free. With a flick of her hoof, she pops it into her mouth and starts to chew. The crunching sound fills every corner of the suddenly silent bar. Each crunch draws a flinch from every unicorn in the room.

Pinkie Pie swallows. Several unicorns faint.

The nervous bouncer says, "Uh, g-go right in."

"Gee, thanks! Want some rock candy?"

Comments

[Georg]

Pinkie Pie, toughest pink sponge in Equestria

[CoffeeMinion]

That escalated quickly.

[ClockworkMage]

That's one way to make an impression. I wonder if anyone wanted rock candy, though.

[Lancerlot]

Pinkie has invented uni-candy-corn!
< Nightmare fuel for WEEKS!!!)

[KnightMysterio]

Hehehehaha!

[PresentPerfect]

Well, that was good. :D