Meet Gleaming Shield
Shining Armor got out of bed, just like he did every morning. He trotted into the bathroom and started the shower water, not even bothering to look at himself in the mirror. He washed himself up, as he thought about the events of the day ahead. He shook his mane free of water, and got out of the shower, draping his towel over him. He took one look one look in the mirror, and screamed.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHH… WHAT THE BUCK?” He screamed, in an extremely high pitched voice. His hair was longer, his body, leaner, and his… thing was gone. Somehow, he was a SHE.
It was at this point that his beautiful wife Cadence came in. “Are you alright dear, I heard scre… who the buck are you and why are you here?” She went from happy to pissed off in under a second. “If my husband is sleeping with you, Celestia help me.”
“Dear, it is me!” Shining Armor exclaimed.
“You’re a female, but not bad makeup job. Too bad that femininity gave you away you slut.” Cadence screamed.
“I am Shining Armor, and I can prove it!” She squealed. She walked up to Cadences ear and whispered something into her ear. Cadence’s eyes went wide as she realized this really was her husband, because no one else knew what happened that day.
“Shining! What happened to you?” Cadence asked.
“I don’t know, I woke up, took a shower, then my wife came bursting in here, calling me a slut and a whore.” Shining said sarcastically.
“I meant what happened to you, how did you become a female?” Cadence asked.
“I don’t know, I cant remember.”
“Well, I know someone who can, but its going to have to wait. I have a royal meeting in a few minutes, then we can head off to ask your little sister for help.”
“Not Twily, she cant see me like this!” Shining squealed.
"What other option do we have dear? just wait here until my meeting is over, ill let the guards know you're sick today, and not to be disturbed. ill come back and get you when i am done, OK?" Cadence asked, looking Shining into her eyes.
"Yes Dear." Shining submitted.
It was about an hour after Cadence left that Shining was getting hungry. He realized he hadn't eaten breakfast, like usual, due to the being a female and all, and didn't think it would be too much trouble to go down to the private kitchen and get himself a snack. He opened the door, and looked both ways down the hall. It seemed clear, so Shining carefully made his way down the stairs. He heard hoof steps coming up so he hid in one of the crevices in the stairwell, keeping as quiet as possible. He saw two guards talking about their wives and their kids. They passed him, and he waited a a good 5 seconds until coming out. Shining went back on his way down the stairs. After 5 more minutes of walking down the halls, he finally came to the private kitchen.
"STOP!" a guard yelled. The guard trotted up behind Shining. "What is your name?" The guard didn't look amused, seeing as this female looked exactly like his boss, Shining Armor, even the cutie mark was the same. But the obvious lack of bulk was too obvious.
"Umm, my name? Its uhh..." Shining couldn't reveal what had happened, not yet. "My name is Gleaming Shield, I am Shining Armor's cousin from Canterlot. He and Princess Cadenza thought it would be a good idea to have me over for awhile. If you do not believe me, go ask Shining Armor, i can bet he would love to see me in hoofcuffs." Shining threatened. As a female, he had made himself, he was now she, and she was Gleaming Shield.
"Very well, but do not cause trouble, good day Miss Shield." the guard said, trotting off.
Shining couldn't believe it, she had actually gotten away with it. She smiled than opened the door. Standing there, staring at him. Was his wife, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.
"Almost had it." Gleaming said, smiling like a buffoon, looking at Cadence. "Hey Honey."
“What are you doing here, I told you to stay in the room.” Cadence yelled.
“Sorry dear, I got hungry.”
“And the Guard? What did you tell him?”
“I told him I was my cousin, Gleaming Shield. Worked like a charm.”
“Well, Miss Gleaming Shield, we have a meeting with a princess, and your little sister.” Cadence smiled, this was perfect payback for last weeks prank of making her bath bubbles overflow. She looked into her husband’s feminine eyes, he was scared.
“Private Ryanstone!” Cadence called into the hall.
“Yes your highness?” The guard that confronted Shining Armor came up to the door, hoof to his forehead in salute.
“I am taking Gleaming Shield on a trip to Ponyville, to meet her cousin Princess Twilight. While I am gone, General Smashemup is in charge, since Shining Armor is sick right now. He is not to be bothered under any circumstances understand?” Princess Cadence commanded.
“Yes your highness, I will go tell the General the news.” Private Ryan marched off into the corridor.
“Come now little pony, we have a princess to meet.” Cadence said, strutting down the hall. Gleaming Shield’s head was hung down low, following Cadence. What would Twily think when she saw him like this? She would probably laugh, and make fun of him. Just like he had done when she was a little filly.
The carriage ride was uneventful, and the royal carriage landed in front of the library of Ponyville, and the home of the newly crowned Princess Twilight Sparkle. Cadence knocked on the door with her hoof and waited, Gleaming Shield was still moping with her head hung low, waiting for the laughter to begin. The door opened, and the two Royal ponies were greeted by a small purple and green dragon.
“Hello Spike, is Twilight in?” Cadence asked.
“Yes, she is actually studying right now, but im sure she wilol be happy to see you. Come on in, I will go tell her.” Spike said, running off. Cadence pushed Gleaming Shield in the door, and shut it behind her.
“Cadence!”
“Twilight!”
“Sunshine Sunshine, Ladybugs awake.”
“Clap your hooves, and do a little shake!” They both said, both of them giggling.
“Cadence, what brings you here?” Twilight asks. Cadence moves to the side, revealing Gleaming Shield. Twilight looks her over, notices her cutie mark, then chuckles.
“Brother what did you get yourself into?” Twilight asked.
“I don’t know!” He exclaimed.
“This is nothing, its only the after effects of Purple Poison Joke. Ever since the blue poison joke incident, and Discord declaring he made the darned flower, he has been making more colors. You must have just touched one, and this happened. Its nothing, it will go away.”
Gleaming Shield sighed in relief. “So I wont be like this forever?”
“No, the purple poison joke’s effects only last up to 24 hours.” Twilight said.
“That’s good that its not permanent.” Cadence said.
“So, until the effects wear off, you can stay here, on one condition.” Twilight said. Just at that moment Rarity trotted in.
“WHO CALLED FOR A MAKEOVER??” Rarity exclaimed. Gleaming Shield screamed, with Twilight and Cadence just laughing.
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That was an excellent story. I like how you ended it with Rarity coming to give shining a makeover. I can't wait for the next story.
this is so cool X3
I really liked your story, although there are some things I would like to point out.
/10 which means that I won't like it, nor will I dislike it.
The story is really short(not like mine is...), and I feel like it could be much longer, with a nicer ending.
At some points it seems a little rushed(not like mine is...), and could use some more dialogue.
This story is good, but could be much better if you made it a little longer and more detailed.
I give it a
Also, this story is a little like I'm NOT a Mare written by Redbook.
Oh wow, forgot that it was incomplete...
This story is going well so far. I'd like to see more
4063485 yeah.... don't expect too long its a oneshot.
4063485 meaning its meant to be a cliffhanger, there's nohing else for me to write here. I might update the one chapter a bit later, but this isn't on my bucket list or anything.
4063119 so I do not expect me to upsate it, althoufh I have a ton of new watches, I really have no where to go forward on this story, I never changed the incomplete to complete. I may add more to it.... but like I saId, its not anywhere near yhe top of my list
XD The ending of this chapter was perfect!
Haha it's the last line that gets me
Iol. this is a fun story
. :3
Great concept, good idea, good story... needs some work though. Nothing a little review and editing can't handle.
This story idea looks a lot like I'm NOT a Mare! by Redbook.
4067100 I have no idea who that is. I found the picture thought: hmm what would happen if shining arnor got turned into female for awhile, then I made a reason he got changed, and added emotion. I wrote this in an hour. If it looks like it, I wouldnt know, Ive never read the story. Just wanted to write it and then I wrote it and shared it.
4067134 oh okay then :)
You should really read it, though.
Good, but felt a bit rushed.
“Yes, she is actually studying right now, but im sure she wilol be happy to see you. Come on in, I will go tell her.” Spike said, running off. Cadence pushed Gleaming Shield in the door, and shut it behind her. Looks like Spike knew what was going on.
The solution was a bit too easy and pat, even if I must admit it sounds like a reformed Discord would make such a plant.
That ending gag was gold, however.
4067318 actually... Spike didnt see gleaming behind cadence. But due to the recent threes a crowd episode. I wanted to add more to it. I wanted to take the feeling that they have wanted to see each other but haven't had the time. Spike knew that, but he went to take a bubble bath after telling twilight. That's what I tell myself though.
4067515 yeah, I thought of flutterguy, and couldn't think anything else, thought of poison joke, and thought of red poison joke (from the foal-a-verse made by super stallion and how they mention the mind erasing green poison joke.)
Twilight knew way too easily that it was Shining Armor... and Rarity coming for a makeover meant that someone warned her in advance..... why do I feel like Twilight is the one who sent the Purple Poison Joke somehow
Dat shield/armour
And that kids, is why Equestria is a hostile territory for any and all guys.
Edit: Forgot best song.
A funny story, maybe a little bit too fast in it's pace.
The end though made me laugh.
4067904 and cadence actually sent a letter to twilight before they left. ;) little writers note
Praise the All Powerful Literature God's For Giving us Transgender Stories.
4068138 Curse the minor devils of fanfiction for not providing a grammar check! Or a spell check! Or a capitalization check! CURSE THE ERROR DEMONS!
Oh...and you don't need all those capitals in your sentence. It doesn't add much weight to what you're typing there.
DG, this is some of your best work...
I look forward to seeing more.
MOAR.
4069017 *facehoof* nick..... nick.... nick.... ugh
WHAT IN THE F***** WORLD?!?! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! MOST FUNNIEST STORY EVER!!!
4070174 for any diehard InsertAuthorHere Fans out there and any miltary fans, I gave ya some references ;)
4070174 for any diehard InsertAuthorHere Fans out there and any miltary fans, I gave ya some references ;)
4067750 I was more referring to the spelling error with wilol to make a funny
Guess you weren't there last night...
4070629 nope ;)
This is just great. 10/10 for funny.
Rushed rushed rushed.
Kinda funny though, but humour can't save sloppy writing. No thumbs up, but no thumbs down.
Execute of a great story... YES!! YES!!! YESS!!! FULL YES!!gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Daniel-Bryan-Yes-Cheer.gif
It was fun and all but the pacing went a million miles an hour
This one could easily fill out 5000 words, and still not be entirely done. There is so much potential for a fun and quirky story here, even one that is several chapters long if you wanted to.
There are also several unanswered questions, questions that desperately needs to be answered. For example, how did Twilight know that it was a Purple Poison Joke that made Shining have a genderflip? Recognising "Gleaming" as being "Shining" is reasonable since they're siblings, but instantly knowing what caused it is a bit of a stretch.
Also, when did Discord tell her about him being the creator of Poison Joke? This is only a minor thing, but still something that you could elaborate on.
Another question is this; what happened the night before? Again, only a small thing, but it would serve as a build-up for what's to come. Have him come home from a long day's work, stop at a flower shop and inspect some flowers, one of them purple, then bring home a bouquet of roses or something. That would tell us how he came in contact with the Purple Poison Joke.
You have the potential for a hilarious story, but you need to work on the execution of it.
4072031 i only expected this to be a oneshot, don't worry, I do have plans for extending the story, but i didn't expect this story to be as popular as it is right now either. I uploaded my last two stories and they didn't get the "welcoming party" that this one did. I know now i need to work more on this story, but don't worry, I have a sequel, that continues where this left off, and a side story (if my friend takes the bet... see THIS ) So I do expect to eventually continue onto this story.
Contractions! Use them! They make dialog feel more natural. Most people wouldn't speak like that.
I tried to read it, and from reading the comments I have probably enjoyed it if I had, but the execution is so rushed it makes the Zerg look slow and what is there (at least for the first few paragraphs) is simple to the point of repetition. Literally. As in every sentence in the first paragraph starts exactly the same.
Don't worry, I'm not going to downvote you for that -I save those for when there is something fundamentally wrong with the story itself- but I'll have to withhold the upvote as well, at least until I can read the whole thing without it making my head spin like a top.
Good concept, and good basis for a more elaborate story, but what we have here is too short, too choppy, and too fast-paced. For example, you could have gotten 1000 words of just what he did before Cadance found him, and a similar length out if him sneaking around the palace.
Also, Cadance feels OOC - she comes off as curt and a bit mean here.
This is something cool, consistent, catchy, yet somehow confusing. Hrmm...
It should be in comic form!
4070388
What?
...Cadence immediately going for 'my husband is sleeping with someone else'?
4075530 well there is a female in his room, and he loves his wife dearly. If you saw a naked (pony standards... just got out of shower) opposite gender in your spouses bedroom, wouldnt you freak out?
4076481
I think the more pressing question entering MY mind would be: 'Why does that pony look so disturbingly like my-? Waitaminute... WTB?!"
In short, conclusion is found dubious at best and holds water like a bucket that's been used for target practice by Patrick Flanigan with a 12 gauge Extrema 2.
Concept is amazing. Grammar, not so good. Pacing is appalling. Within like two paragraphs we get to the plot. There's no build up or anything. And then at the end, it takes like three lines for them to figure it out.
In other words, good enough, but could have been so much better. I would recommend getting a prereader.
Please write a sequel; a setup as good as this deserves to be continued.