She's looking at you. Yes you. And she is judging you with her eyes. There is no escape.
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Twilight Sparkle discovers that she broke the rules of time and space, sending her niece back in time to save said niece from a horrible future. Now, Twilight Sparkle has to figure out what is going on, but the sudden appearance of her niece from the future causes no end of trouble, causing everything in the present that Twilight Sparkle knows and loves to fly apart.
Twilight Sparkle is hoping that she can put everything back together.
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Damn, this is great, full of feels, and it's barely even begun!
I'm pretty much not a fan of the subject matter. "Cadance moves on with someone else who's immortal." is just... well all bad feelings on Shining Armor's pathetic mortal behalf. I realize it's not as cruel or as simple as "Shining was never really that important, Cadance's permanent husband is the real important one," but it's hard not to feel that way.
For everything else, the subject is interesting and it's written well enough. Maybe it will even touch on Shining's feelings about that.
6294856
Shining Armor is a major character in this story.
6294856
Also, it isn't as simple as you make it out to be.
6294862
Well then, frustrating or not, i'm in it for the long (or short) haul!
shit... all aboard the feel train
it was sad to read, just pure sad... and the fact that this non so little foal is more or less the pink nightmare of ponys make it even more hard.
well, sign me up for this story, it will be a strange but funny ride for sure.
i.imgur.com/EZPDtTA.png
A neat start. I'll stay tuned.
Kudzu, you really must start sending home permission slips for the feel trips. I didn't even pack a lunch.
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What's her alternative? Never feel love again just because of "respect" for someone who by definition can't be affected by it, and would in all likelihood want her to find love again?
And I begin following yet another kudzuhaiku story.
s.qwant.com/thumbr/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn.alltheragefaces.com%2Fimg%2Ffaces%2Flarge%2Fneutral-poker-face-no-text-l.png
Well... looks like it's...
global3.memecdn.com/time-for-a-feel-trip_o_1071590.jpg
wow veeery interesting so far :D and very unique concept here ^^like it ;P
oh Gods if there where only more Discord / Cadence Ship Fanfics xDD
there are only two that i know of so far ^^ this included though
random concepts... I love it!
Well, this is concerning.
I'll be honest, there are times when the prose is quite redundant. Like this bit:
We get it. She's young. You don't need to layer it on quite that thick.
Also, there are times when Adora seems to break her childish voice to better deliver exposition.
Still, I'm very intrigued. I look forward to seeing where you go with this.
6296405
She's a child over 100 years old and tutored by immortals.
Oh, this is going to be fun. I wonder who is going to be more surprised at Adora's story, Discord, Cadance, Or Shining Armor? I sense many brains exploding over the implications here. This will be awesome.
Hrm, on the other hand, I wonder how Fluttershy will take all this?
I'm gonna make an extra batch of popcorn for this one.
6296405
Also... Roald Dahl and William Steig both used expanding repetition to great success... I am rather fond of the style, and it is my indulgence. For this... I am sorry. I am just really very fond of the style and it saddens me that nobody uses it very much any more. I realise that people don't like it, and editors now chop it away, but I cannot help but feel that the world has lost something.
I find it whimsical and fun.
Even from just the description, I am sincerely worried... And also curious. Extremely curious. I shall read this posthaste!
UPDATE: Read first chapter, and i love it! Well done, my good sir. Well done. Of course, I try to show up with constructive criticism, so here're my thoughts.
My only concern is that the pacing seems just a *tiny* bit off, if the perspective is solely from Twily there. The flow is great to me, but Twilight is a very descriptive character when we try to write from her POV, 1st-person or otherwise. I assume she would have to skip over details when she first sees Adora Belle (d'aww), therefore cannot take very much in besides the hulking mass of pink rushing towards her, but before there might be more of a detail-oriented mind (which could analyze the type of screams from outside, her level of protection in the castle, what spells she imagines she would need to fend off the unknown attacker, etc.) , while afterwards, she would be more analytic and try to pick apart the situation, including her surroundings and Adora Belle's body language, although I know that would be difficult to write in itself as this would probably be going on in the back of her mind rather than the forefront. She wouldn't necessarily be aware of it, and I think you did a great job with that in her feelings and what she allowed herself to notice - especially the Fluttershy bit. That was smooth. Anyway, the best way I can imagine to figure this out would be to simply slow down when she's noticing everything, and speeding up when she's forced to do otherwise.
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Have fun.
*munches more popcorn* Can you write faster?
It's hard for me to figure out anything of what is leading where yet. This is fascinating so far.
6298583 Dude, I don't think Kudzu could write faster if he was directly wired to his computer and words appeared at the speed of thought.
6298583
He's got at least five active stories right now as it is. I think he's writing fast enough all things considered.
Actually, Discord being selfish isn't so bad (to a degree, of course) if you look at it like this.
Slight nitpick... even though Spike has occasionally acted like girly things were gross, he is actually pretty huggy. In S1 and 2 especially, taking his own initiative to latch onto the girls in hugs.
I guess he is young enough that he might not "admit" it, though.
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He's pouting because Twilight didn't save him.
6298769
6299012
I'm quite aware of how crazy prolific Kudzu is as a writer. He got an average words per day over 15k for a full year, if I recall correctly. Most of that was The Chase. I also know he's currently doing a massive amount of planning things out behind the scenes, hence the reduced rate of visible updates. I stopped trying to remember how many rather involved storylines he has going at the same time because he keeps it a moving target as some take a rest and whole new ones start up.
Keep being awesome, Kudzu. Hope you publish something more than fanfiction before long.
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I am actually waiting to see if I have a for realsies writing job.
I don't know yet. The wait is killing me. The pay is lousy and it is the writing equivalent of working in a salt mine.
6300860 What little I know of the writing world, that sounds right on target unless you get notoriety and recognition going for yourself. Best of luck that starting somewhere is also the start of a successful journey in short order.
6300878
Pay really is bad though. One cent to seven cents for most jobs, with a few hundred words required.
With better contracts though, you can get ten cents per word with 1000+ word contracts.
Crank out five or six of the short 500 word projects a day and money can be made.
This is really horrid stuff. Like creating product descriptions for Chinese products and translating horrible Engrish into legible English, making the product sound appealing, etc.
Or getting contracted by a company to write out a 1000 word product information pamphlet and why their sewage flow regulator is sexy as hell and should be bought.
There is also taking a journalists notes from a place like comic con and turning them into a readable story, like for a news blog or an e-zine.
Thing is, I can actually write out 5k to 10k words a day... so I might be able to scare up enough pay to make this work. Having spoken to a person about this, most of these sorts of writers struggle to get out a single 500 word project in a day and the more reliable writers get out maybe 1k to 2k words a day. These guys that get 1k words a day get contracts... I could get a contract.
6300918 My the muse be with you, Kudzu.
Nice Asimov reference.
It may just be me, but Adora Belle feels a lot like Climbing Ivy after she was shown some love.
the ending was nice... i do want to see how cadance and discord will react to adora when they see her
Uh... the rules for time travel weren't that clear. Either you can't change the past/create a paradox and bad things will happen if you try to change it (but changing it back is fine) or you can change the past and Twilight is too neurotic to trust herself to do it without erasing her own memory.
6304599
That's not the rules.
The rules are... Twilight might feel a sneeze. Or a tickle. Or have something weird happen. And that is all I have to say on the issue.
Edit: It will not always be made clear when the timestream is being manipulated.
Sneezing? Nightmare pink boa constrictors? Time travel? The readers getting to figure out what happened when with which of the said time travel?
Oooh, I love this already. You might say my happiness is... Adora Belle.
*ba dum tssh*
Side note, though, I think the pacing in the last two chapters was perfect. Thank you for listening to my rant of advice. It means a lot, my friend.
6304599
Also...
Daaaaaaayum. You are clever.
So Adora is an object now?
In regards to following the proposed time travel shenanigans, would the author recommend the passengers on this ride be sober or drunk for the duration?
6304726
Just remember your towel.
Hold on to your butts...things are about to get trippy.
I am going to be honest here...... I just started reading this and I am now awaiting chapter 4..... The entire time I was reading this I was overcome with a sudden feeling of sorrow and sadness, reading what Adora recalled of the future and the things that happened have unsettled me greatly.
I am greatly intrigued with this story though.
She really needs to talk to someone about this
Wouldn't the more confusing paradox be in the fact that she basically told herself her own idea? She clealy wouldn't have been likely to figure it out otherwise.
There could also be a split in time and space that caused anything after adore's appearance to be completely different from what she knew, in this life, princess cadence and discord may not even get together.
Assuming my last point doesn't work out as it does, the fact is that what happens after this point would be the current adore would eventually die and princess cadence would get with discord; another adore would be made and wouldn't have a clue about the original(?) adore.
... As usual, Spike's observations (and his inability to figure out exactly what's going on with himself, emotionally) are utterly fascinating to me.
This is very interesting... and Discord, Cadance, or Shining Armor still haven't yet made an appearance, which will make things... chaotic. Possibly painful, even.
6318049
Spike brings up a very important point though. What if he came back to a time or a place where he didn't exist and asked Twilight for help? He's not a pony. He's a dragon. Would he be welcomed or shunned? Would he be loved?
For a baby dragon, this is a tough thing to think about.
I've always wondered, where exactly does Spike shop, how often, and how much does he buy at any one time? How did they happen to have enough nachos, etc. to make an 'Adora' sized portion (I'm assuming we're talking about 2-5 gallons, give or take a few cups). In every story it always seems that Spike's kitchen (Library Tree or Castle) seems to be very well stocked. Just one of those complete non-sequiturs that has no bearing on anything in the current story and/or chapter.
(*Makes mental note to write story where kitchen runs dry... right as random royalty shows up*)
6318068 Now I want someone to writed a story about Spike going to an alternate universe where he doesn't exist to try and get the local Twilight to help him!
I would do I myself but I know I would never finish it...
6318068
Unfortunately, evidence within the show itself points to shunned and avoided if his arrival didn't cause an outright panic...
6318257 my head canon is that he buys at markets and has a garden in the castle. maybe he makes the nachos himself?
good luck