• Member Since 7th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 27th, 2022

TwiwnB


30 years old closet brony from the center of Europe. Just happily doing my thing in my corner of the internet.

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Source

The cutie mark crusaders decided to make a little business to earn some money by putting up a lemonade stand. Everything was going well, the fillies were happy, the lemonade was tasting good and math test were passed without much difficulty in a carefree, innocent and beautiful Equestria.

Then Diamond Tiara happened.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 14 )

I don't know what to say, except great job. You've written an exceptional literature that keeps the ponies in character. My only nitpick is the moral. It's not so much a life lesson as it is character study. Not sure if that's what you were going for, but that's the impression I got. Still, it did not stop me from enjoying a good read.

Have a fave, a like, and a little bit of Spike. :moustache: These are the magic words that Thifer created himself. Don't steal them.

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I like it so far

Glad you do :yay:. I was actually afraid the whole thing would feel too rushed or too serious.

3983565

You've written an exceptional literature that keeps the ponies in character.

And then my head got kind of huge for a little second there :pinkiecrazy:. More seriously, I'm happy to see I could create something worth reading. :twilightblush:

It's not so much a life lesson as it is character study.

I can only confirm it's more of a character study of Diamond Tiara and similar individuals than a life lesson.
I'm actually kind of bad making life lessons as I'm unable to know what is right or not. I couldn't say that you should try to understand people like Diamond Tiara (well, my interpretation of the character) because I feel it's their responsibility to show basic respect to others, even if they are bitter. Just as much, I can't really denounce selling stuff I think are useless or even stupid, because the reality is way more complex.
Also, the show already made an anti-bullying lesson and a "don't judge the book by the cover". The show just does it way better than I could. :ajsmug:

The one complaint I have about this story is that the CMC speak far too eloquently for the children that they are, Diamond Tiara I can sort of understand, but small town fillies shouldn't be speaking like grown ponies.

But other than that I really like this story.

That was a very good lesson. Could use some polishing on the final chapters though, Sweetie's speech felt more like she was talking to herself, lost in thought. I had thought she would spell it out for us better when she pieced together things.

Also, straight up attacking a mansion is going to get them in deep, deep, legal troubles for them and their family. Now that makes the money they earn feel like it'd get all used up and they'd end up with 30 bits by the time lawyers got through with them. :facehoof:

The story was pretty good. DT was pretty unique in this story. She was dumb, yet brilliant. I really liked the CMC here, Diamond may get to them from time to time, but they didn't just take the abuse and were used to her tricks. They got a very important life lesson taught to them, one that regardless how it turns out, would still work in their favor. Good story.

That was a good CMC vs DT fic. And like somepony said, there is plenty of time to figure things out.

Btw, loved the evil laugh scene.

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but small town fillies shouldn't be speaking like grown ponies.

My bad... I get the critic, I can only say I'll try to better myself next time (well, if I'm to write children again). I blame my lack of knowledge in english to not blame my poor writing skills :twistnerd:.
But that's a pretty good point.

But other than that I really like this story.

:yay:

3984664

Sweetie's speech felt more like she was talking to herself, lost in thought.

That's an interesting comment, as I didn't expect it :ajsmug:. I tried reading the speech again, but I'm blinded by my own comprehension of it (as I know how I structured it and why I chose those words). I'll need some time thinking about that and what might have created your feeling about it (maybe it has to do with the context of the speech... I'll take some time to seek an answer when I can find time).

The mansion thing at the end... I asked them and they said it had been worth every penny. :twilightsheepish:

Btw, loved the evil laugh scene.

Glad you liked it. I feared it would stand out too much, as I put it in after I had finished the story in order to make it feel less serious and give a little bit of fun to the reader.

***

On general, I'm very glad I didn't screw up that story, as I was feeling I would be the only one to appreciate what I had done. (and now I'm worried about the next story which might very well be way too confusing... but also reassured as if people were able to follow and appreciate this one, then there is hope for the other one.)

I'm already seeing something in the plot.... Maybe ending up in :applecry: but anyway, here's a duckface! :duck:

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I'm already seeing something in the plot....

I would be really interested to know what you thought would be the end at that moment. Not in the "did I surprise you or not", but to see what effect what I've written had produced.

Maybe ending up in :applecry:

It could have actually happened, had I written the ending directly after I was finished with the third chapter, because I was exhausted at the time and not very happy. Paradoxicaly, the funniest ending I thought of was for the whole company to go bankrupt. I just didn't have the time and talent to do it. But it would have been great (made by a real writer that is)... :rainbowlaugh:

here's a duckface!

Thanks, even if I'm not sure what it means, as I'm not very good with english expressions.

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That was pretty funny :pinkiehappy:.
The worst being, I played portal 2 (love portal 1 and 2, those are some of the best games ever made), but couldn't remember that quote. I had to google it to make sure it was a reference directly from the game.

Why is this in the Diamond Cutters group? Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

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Why is this in the Diamond Cutters group?

I don't know who put it there. After a quick look at the group, I guess it is because I adopted a more positive look at Diamond Tiara than given in the show.

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily?

Not this story specifically. I actually tried to submit stories to Equestria Daily two times (the last one being "In her name" and I came to the conclusion that my "mastery" of english is way too bad to make it there one day. Which is quite okay ^^, as there are way better stories than mine for people to read.

What he said. Please explain.

It's because of the short description of the story.

3985871
Nice profile pic. It took me a while to understand how Luna was positioned but that's cuz i'm stupid.

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