On the night before the biggest battle the ponies have ever had to face, Rainbow Dash is looking at the stars, afraid of what is going to happen. Pinkie Pie comes along and they both talk a little, until Rainbow Dash finally confesses she wishes not to die in the upcoming battle.
Pinkie Pie decides to comfort her and promises her she will make sure that it never happens. She makes it a pinkie promise.
Her last one.
And then, Rainbow Dash wakes up in a very weird world, where Pinkie Pie is awaiting her.
Chapters (1)
... wow, heavy stuff
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I can't say much there. I wanted to make the story lighter and brighter than it turned out to be.
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. I'm still very bad with english, so I can't try doing any complicated stuff that could require any real language skill from my part. Making something rhyme and doing it right are two different things that I know I would mess up.
It was totally unintentional
Like a (bad?) rapper who would repeat a word or say some totally senseless thing just to ensure the rhyme.
Wouldn't have the time to work on it even if I was talented enough (which I'm not). It already took me more than eight hours to write that story and I've been thinking about it since two or three months (hard to remember). Honestly, my work is already suffering enough from my strange passion for ponies.
ImadethisaccountjustsoIcouldcomment.
Um, first of all. I have no idea why this doesn't have any more comments. This story is really touching, and amazing . . . I rarely cry if a really sad thing happens in a story (or show). But this was so beautifully sad, I nearly did cry.
I've read other great fanfics on this site without an account, but this was the first I had to immediately register just to comment. This was such a unique idea, so intriguing and well-executed. Thank you for the amazing story!
Th-those feels . . .
media.tumblr.com/f2a7bf22bc7228381063228a65a18b4a/tumblr_inline_mmloquLrwM1qz4rgp.gif
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Wow! This... wow!
Don't know, don't care. Your comment is already more than I could have ever expected out of this story (or any story I've written). Getting emotional
, but god!
Thank you for the amazing comment! I'll try to keep my feet on the ground, but thanks you.
I had forgotten how great it feels to get praised, would it be for an objective good reason or not. I had forgotten how important it is for a human soul.
And right now, I don't want to think of the causes or the consequences. I'll just focus on the present time.
And here is how I feel right now
:
Avast Fluttershy
I'll force myself to stop answering there, but at least I could count on Fluttershy to help me express my feelings.
nooo
Go and Save Pinkie pie
(This comment will include spoilers, proceed at your own risk!)
The first time around I read this I wasn't even sure what to comment. This fic has so much combined, and is very well weaved together.
I'll .. hm, I'll try making a structured comment;
Characters
As far as I can tell, the characters were very well presented in this fic. Not knowing much about where it starts, I assume that all the ponies are fearing for their lives, including Rainbow Dash. The opening lines where she admits her fear, and how selfish she feels about how she thinks, could in my opinion fit a brash and brave character in a moment of uncertainty.
Pinkie also seems well portrayed. Still random, still trying to cheer everyone up. The way you present her, almost as all-knowing (I'll return to that), but with weaknesses of her own, makes another interesting character.
Storyline & Worldbuilding
As far as this story goes, it's really interesting. As I mentioned earlier, you've captured a lot of everything here. Say emotions for example, while reading this, the experience varied between many 'emotions'; joy, sadness, curiosity, understanding, sympathy etc.
What I mean is, in a story of 8.6k words, you've got a lot of content that all makes sense.
Returning to the story itself. The idea is interesting and a bit creepy (- at least first time reading, not beeing sure where it was going) to read. We can catch on pretty early on what have happened to at least one of RD or Pinkie, but, not really be sure until the end when it's revealed. I'm going to use the word 'mystery' again here, because, the world is well presented, but the reader can't really be sure what to expect of it.
The idea of Pinkie beeing able to build this world, out from her resting place, is well performed too. She's really using this ability to be Pinkie, and thus doing her best to make a world that would make Dash happy (and, by extent, herself).
So - The entire story is a very interesting, hm, abstract (?) read.
Details
There are things in this fic, that are hinted early on, and are fullfilled throughout the story. That's a detail that makes the world, or maybe fic, even more weaved toghether.
Does Pinkie know about the future? Does she know that when making the promise and wish early on, what it will imply? Because you fitted her wish and promise perfectly at the end.
Or the fact that her own, uh, afterworld, is revolving around her final resting place, and that she is building around it, is another nice detail.
These small things made the fic even more so interesting.
Final thoughts
That got rambly pretty fast, I think at least, uh, well, sorry if I started repeating myself, or stopped making sense, heh, I'll blame it beeing late .. or something.
But really though, this was a great read. I've read it twice now, and, well, the reactions in this comment are written pretty much directly after the second read.
So, thanks for writing this and putting it up for everyone to enjoy!
Faved and Liked ... at least I think it's liked, the like button have 'unpressed' itself twice now
M
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Yay~ You're welcome, you really deserve it.
Haha~ Anyone can count on Fluttershy. ^-^
Keep writing!
Well, you know, whenever you want to.
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When I wrote that promise (out of nowhere I must admit, was kind of instinctive), I thought that I would have to write a sequel about fulfilling that promise.
I'm not good about sequel. Still trying about "mark my words". Still can't do it.
But even if it goes against the whole sense of the story, I would like her to be able to fulfill that promise. Again, because I wrote it on an instinctive reaction.
Oh and... mabye Pinkie Pie will be able to develop her world to a point that she might make it in a very big, great and happy place? Maybe creating life in the process. Who knows... A world created by Pinkie Pie. Might be enjoyable. Even more if it had been built out of the (platonic) love for one of her friends.
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I'll. Mostly because it's a need I have had since my childhood.
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Yay, going into the details. So let's spoil the fun and give some explanations.
So here are a lot of spoilers too. (I'll spoil all the fun by explaining how or why I wrote things a certain way. Just warning).
My only guideline for that part was to go to the point where Rainbow Dash would make the wish not to die, which I've reused from "the truth and the veil". I always thought that the extreme "i'm awesome" (god I'm limited in vocabulary) way of Rainbow Dash would need some sort of psychological explanation. Not obligatory some kind of dramatic story, but just a normal psychological development. I like the idea that she would actually have been a very frightened filly who would have had to overcome her fears by her own means and become that incredible personality, ignoring how much afraid she really is.
Rainbow Dash is a "soldier" in my eyes (opposite to a "warrior", wanted to write a story about it, never found the way). She would go to war, but fears it. She is ready to fight, but doesn't want to hurt. She is ready to die, but really wants to live.
It's very satisfying to read that, because I was afraid I was writing her too seriously, because I was writing about the most serious part of her life.
I know I've got a different read about Pinkie Pie than others would. Not too far away, but still. I love Pinkie Pie not because of how random she is, but because she always seems to be more mature than the others, focusing on what is actually useful or important instead of what looks useful or important in the show. And she has stayed true to her child part who wants to make the life fun.
That would be my main self critic. I couldn't stay focused. The whole seems to hold together, but this is another story that "wrote itself" where I just tried to steer in the middle of a storm. Things happened and I had to choose a way through the waves.
Feels great when writing, but the result can be very chaotic.
It probably comes from the opposition through the potential "sadness" of the situation (lifless world that is more a prison than anything else) and my will to make it as light as possible (Pinkie Pie smiles, they both have fun, they try to take advantage of the possibility of just being able to create everything they want (but life, even if not said directly in the story)).
As said, it was meant to be a love story (not between RD and Pinkie, wouldn't make it that way, probably wouldn't make it at all) through symbolism. Still kind of is, just couldn't make it complete on that side.
To explain:
When you love someone (should I say, because I love someone? Too obvious?), you wish to spend your life with him or her (her in my case, stopping speaking about me there). If that person loves you too, you'll both create a new world together revolving around your couple. If she or he doesn't love you, you need to find a way to make the world you live in (your way of life, how you live, don't know how to say it) interesting enough for he or her to want to live with you and think it will be fulfilling. (not saying it's the only thing, but it's a condition, because every human being want to fill a sentiment of fulfilling. Would walk away if it looks like nothing can never be achieved, if it looks like life is passing by without him or her).
That's where the idea came from. Pinkie tries her best to transform her frightening, black and boring/creepy world in the hope it will become attractive for someone (somepony in that case) to share it with her and keep her company.
That's why, at a certain point, she tries to create the ice-cream, the accordion and in the end offered a flower. The same way we try to offer gift to convince someone it's worth being with us (not talking about the morality of that way of making gift, I know gift can have other way better causes).
That was one thing I wanted to make the story rely upon. I knew how the situation was from the very beginning, through the introduction.
To be quite exact:
Yes she does, the show acknowledges it. In my mind, in the intro, she had seen in the future that RD would die in the battle, due to the death ray. But speaking with Dash, she hears the wish and decides that she will have to be the one dying and change the future.
Which puts her in a situation she wasn't expecting and wasn't quite ready to cope with.
Yes and no. She knew, when she made her promise, that she would have to sacrifice herself.
But then, she didn't exactly know what was going to happen. Which also explains why she didn't accept to die and prefered to build a new world where she could continue to live. She "saved herself" too. Which she maybe wouldn't have been able to without the goal of trying to have RD at her side.
There are four "foreshadowing":
- best birthday ever
- the rock
- the feather
- the sky you can fly in
The biggest hints for Pinkie Pie having died are:
- the big light after RD has seen Pinkie's face
- Pinkie never eats anything (ghosts don't need to)
- Pinkie is the only one creating things
- Pinkie has no injuries (not directly said)
- Pinkie apologizes and is sad about the world (she knows she is dead and stuck in this "afterlife" and sorry she has been selfish enough to bring RD there with her to keep her company. Because she was afraid).
Came from minecraft. At first, the rock with the hole was just a reference to the first cave we all went to hide in to pass the first night. Feels kind of frightening. But it's the beginning to a whole world building. I wanted to show how hard it had been for Pinkie to build this world. That it wasn't always a green field.
And then I came to the grave. At first she was buried near Ponyville, but it never made sense. Couldn't bury her under sugarcube corner (nobody would do that, it's creepy). Couldn't bury her in the fields of sweetappleacres, couldn't bury her in a beautiful and happy play (she wouldn't want a grave to put everypony's mood down).
So I put the grave in the rock farm, back to the roots, in a rock. And the rock triggered the memory of the other rock I had put in. And so I made the connection.
I'm happy you enjoyed it. I came back to the "I'll just write what I want to read and don't care if it pleases people" ("one trick pony"...), but I'm human and it does touch me to know other people can appreciate the same things I do.
Even if for other reasons.
I still need to write the love story I want (as a tribute to a certain person I'm in love with since a very long time now). That's the second attempt that failed in that aspect. Still love the story. In a way, it turned out better than what I had in mind when beginning to write it.
Must stop there, it's time to prepare for work. Back to real life.
im new on here and this story made me get an account. because of this story....i cried.hard. period. i honestly thought i forgot how to cry and all of the other story's on here where people said that they balled out, i didn't bat an eye. but this..masterpiece you've written did the impossible for me, it gave me my heart back. i thought i had took all of my emotions and killed them but here i am, dealing with feelings im not sure how to handle but excited about seeing people notice my change.
) my childhood was absolute hell, all i ever knew was mental,physical ,and emotional abuse. emotional because no matter where i went or what i did i was ridiculed, nothing i ever did was good enough and praise was more than not, sarcastic and on top of that i was talked about by everyone i was around, even by those that were suppose to protect me. 
(life story time!!
physical because at a very young age i said i would be a pacifist and everyone knew it, that made me a target for anything that could be made into a projectile, including hands, and emotional because while i was being talked about by everyone i was slowly listening and got to the point where i hated myself more and more because i couldn't complain i though i cant complain others have it worse, u don't have the right to complain i eventually became suicidal staring a knives wondering how much would it hurt or walking beside the street thinking if i jumped would they be able to swerve out of the way in time? im better now but i still couldn't feel emotions... until now.
so with the bottom of my heart thank you for writing this story and hope to hear from u!! bro-hoof!!!
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Every person that tries his or her best to be a pacifist gets my deepest respect. Even now I'm struggling with my inclination for violence and fascination for heavy weaponry. And I live in one of the most peaceful places on earth.
May you still be or may you not be a pacifist anymore, you still get my respect would it only for having tried.
And in my eyes, it is way more of an accomplishement than any story I could have ever written, or than any success I may have ever had in my life. Just strongly believing in peace and rejecting violence.
I'm sorry.
I know that I can't do anything there, but I do feel sorry.
I've seen some of my friend fall around me, because of drugs, because they failed in their studies, because they fell in love with the wrong person, because of a family that broke up or, more recently, because they couldn't find a job. And there was nothing I could do to help them. I tried, but I couldn't help them.
It may seem pointless, but I really and strongly wish you to get a bright and happy future like I still do for them. One that may surprise you in every possible way. Sounds cheesy but that's what I wish.
And this seems really full of hope. I just wish you the best of life. Not that you might or might not deserve it. I just wish it for you.
You're very welcome. Even if I think I did nothing there. My hypothesis would be that you were ready to open your heart to the world again. So what you're experiencing may very well have been only born from within you, just waiting for a pretext to come out.
I may be wrong there, but that's what hypothesis are for.
Well, you will know what's true way better than I could ever do.
Bro-hoof.
This story was very good. I could feel the love in the story and the fear which are probably the two emotional themes of the piece. With Rainbow Dash you start with the fear and it is obvious. By the end the fear is gone and she gets to show the love she had for Pinkie Pie and we can see her importance to the pegasus. Pinkie on the other hand shows her love for Dash early but then after she dies (unknowingly to us) shows her reaction to fear by dragging Dash along and trying to get her to stay. A tragic feeling end to a great character but then something great happens and Pinkie realizes she has to let go and that she can't keep Dash there because Dash would not be happy. Coming full circle she shows her love again for Dash and puts her back in the world of the living leaving herself alone in a world of her making. The level of true tragedy with that is all about how much she can enjoy such a world.
The love is shown well though at times it can be seen as possible romantic love and not just platonic but I also think that has a lot to do with with us readers that are used to looking for such things. I think it could have easily worked as a romance but that is not what you wanted and it works just as well as a platonic relationship. . You are right in that Pinkie is a special character and this is just another piece that shows her versatility in even a serious format.
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Thanks.
I'm not sure, but it's probably true. I clearly didn't plan the fear/love evolution, but the way you describe it does correspond to what happens. The fear of death and the love of life. And all the ways to express them. Fear of losing somebody, fear of being alone, fear of losing all self esteem.
Actually, thinking about it, it could be argued that the only time true love (on a platonic level) was shown would be when Pinkie Pie decides to release Rainbow Dash. And even that could be argued against.
But it's not the point to discuss that.
I like the use of the word "tragedy", because I guess I kind of wanted to write something along those lines. I've been greatly impressed by the anime "Madoka Magica" (even if it has a few scernaristic flaws) and the review from Jesuotaku on "that guy with the glasses".
But for a reason I can't really find, I can't say that this story is a tragedy. Maybe because of the open ending, where we don't know if Pinkie Pie has sacrificed herself (which isn't my interpretation) or if she is ready to face her new world alone (which was my thought).
The story was supposed, originally, to be about romantic relationship (on a symbolic level). But I couldn't make it work and it finally came to the sense of sacrifice, loyalty, the fear of death and the love for life,
Still, the whole "creating a world for somebody" was born from a romantic thought. "How could I build a world that the other would be willing to share?".
I don't think I made that symbolism work...
I use her a lot, because she offers a lot of possibilities. Infinite powers, serious (she always does what's right) but happy (always smiling). And of course, the flat hairs.
I still think that Rarity and Applejack offer the most potential though. I once thought that my writing process could be compared as having the mane six around me, with Pinkie Pie proposing a lot of things and incapable of staying focused, Rainbow Dash wanting things to look cool, to add explosions and such, Twilight asking how something would make sense or explaining me about some psychological stuff, Fluttershy wanting everything to turn okay and not being frightening.
But when I thought about all that, I couldn't find what Rarity or Applejack would be telling me. I feel like I still don't understand those characters and that I'm missing the obvious.
***
I probably went into way too much details, I'm sorry about that.
Happy that you could find an interest in reading that story and thanks for letting me know.
Yah made this darn stallion cry, eeyup..
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Glad the story could reach your emotions
'We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when!! But I know we'll meet again, some sunny day! Keep shining through, just like you, always do! But I know we'll meet again, some sunny day!
Underrated masterpiece