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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Uh....
Do you perhaps mean Ethereal?
Yeah... Barring Starlight Glimmer, Shining Armor and Twilight Sparkle are probably the most powerful unicorns on the planet. So the fact that one ascended means there's a good chance the other can as well.
Also, I sense a possible spinoff with the whole 'dragons feeling magic' subplot.
I have to say, you've REALLY captured Spike at his best, this time. This is definitely Spike at his finest. As the calm, caring voice of reason, a good listener, helping to pull Twilight/Gleaming Shield out of nervous or paranoid moments while still maintaining his childlike personality. For that, you get a bonus point.
Twilight Velvet is awesome, that is all.
Why am i not surprised?
Somewhere, a scouter is being crushed.
Also the Family interactions with Spike, Velvet, and Night Light were on point. Cute stuff.
Mordenkainens. Heh. Wonder if he'd be proud or irritated to be chalked up to a unit of measurement.
If Twilight and Rainbow get serious, Rainbow better be ready to have a mess of kids, then
I can already see the thousand yard stare
I'll be honest, Shining wanting to be female full-time is kinda disappointing. I mean, being comfortable in a female form is fine, especially with a spouse like Cadence, but it's off-putting. Just my feeling. I know that you kinda hinted at this by saying that it seemed that Shiny might bear more kids, but "I'm willing to bear our children" and "I want to be female full-time" are two different things.
"A month ago, her magic measured at eighty nine hundred Mordenkainens"
I hear he had a magnificent mansion.
Yeeeeeee boiiiiiiii good new chapter. Also, little bit of advice: do not read fanfics while playing Red Dead Redemption. You may be attacked by a bear. And you will get angry.
I want to find out what happened with steelwing
7685874
Yeah. For me, it comes down to foreshadowing. You've spent so much time without strongly hinting at this and now, not only are you wasting potential, you're not even properly "justifying" it.
Allow me to explain:
Based on what we know about gender-identity in humans and characters with human-like psychology, combined with what we can observe about Equestrian society and Gleaming's family, we can conclude that any evidence that Shining was transgendered before the spell would have been clearly visible.
Since we don't see that and since we see Gleaming considering staying female, we can conclude that the spell includes some component to either relax the subject's gender identity instinct or match it to the target gender.
That leaves the second component: We intuitively understand that humans are creatures of habit, even in our thoughts, and that, just as our bodies complain about wasting energy exercising, our brains resist the effort of building the neural networks involved in massive perspective changes. This "cognitive inertia" is an essential part of writing a believable character but it also helps to explain why Gleaming would take this long to recognize things. "I'm a male" would be a cognitive habit.
By "justifying", I mean acknowledging the need to adapt the identity instinct and possibly also making mention of the cognitive inertia. (It's essentially a form of lampshading)
Now, as for the "wasting potential" part:
From my perspective, starting with a seemingly cisgender male and then winding up with a cisgender female seems like a waste because gender is such a fundamental component of our identity.
"Experiencing being the other" or "becoming both" work because I perceive both as examples of the character growing and developing in response to experience... but going from cisgender male to cisgender female (or any other transition from one mutually exclusive "ordinary" to another mutually exclusive "ordinary") feels like you've intentionally chosen to throw out an opportunity for character growth to take the character in a direction that's uncomfortably close to "I don't like thing X about this character. I'm gonna write an AU." but without the courage to come out and say so from the beginning.
(While it is possible to go from cisgender male to cisgender female in a story, it needs a different setup... typically, something in the vein of "Events beyond your control have changed you. The driving conflict of the story will now be to pull your life back together around the new circumstances" but always something without that undercurrent of "Huh. I'm going to cast aside the norm I spent the first half of my life with and jump whole-heartedly into something 'better' because the author wills it." Human-like minds don't like to throw out the comfortable and the familiar without very good cause and, even then, they usually yearn for it.)
After Gleaming mentioned to Spike and her parents of her thoughts of remaining a mare after the pregnancy, you got me to go back to the chapter when Future-Eros came in to do the deed to double-check the wording of something I recalled him saying.
Well played, Habitual. Well played.
7685874
7686726
I think a lot of your dissatisfaction comes from the gap there's been in chapter releases, thus creating the illusion of a sudden decision that doesn't feel justified. For that, I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to go so long between this chapter and the last, but unfortunately, hypermobility and loose joints are a bitch.
Keep in mind that Gleaming has been a mare for six months at this point, and there have been an allusions to Gleaming's decision for the last seven chapters. The people in the comments have been speculating at this for a while, now, and I just finally decided was a good time to push through with it.
Also, @ssokolow, keep in mind that in FiM, a pony's identity is closely tied to their special talent (as we saw in the Season 3 finale). Gleaming's change is giving her a greater sense of 'rightness', or 'destiny', if you will, so I felt it was likely to influence her decision that much more. It's what her cutie mark is telling her!
7686894
I think some of their dissatisfaction comes down to straight up ignorance.
See:
This is patently incorrect. Transgendered individuals can hide it for years. Even from family. Even from themselves! There's a reason most dysphoric folks see one or more psychologists and/or medical doctors to make sure that's even what it is. It's not a realization that happens all at once, and more often than not, the victim of dysphoria will spend a long time appearing to anyone other than their closest family/friends as a perfectly healthy individual of their birth sex.
As someone who's been following this fic for a long time, and who knows several transgendered individuals (including a friend since childhood), I was perfectly happy with the "revelation" and thought it was handled incredibly well both from a literary standpoint and with respect for a very real, often damaging, psychological issue.
7686894 I'm not saying you're wrong , but it's a pet peeve of mine in TG/TF fiction: when the previously not-shown-to-be-transgendered individual (and, let's be honest it's always a male who becomes a female) decides in short notice (often after having sex as a female, and often after a single time) that accepting their new gender fixes everything. Because God forbid someone be bi.
I know that Shiny has shown a willingness to be female in their lovemaking, and I know that she feels the love of her unborn foals, so she'd be willing to do this again, but completely abandoning her male persona just feels wrong; as though having a vagina somehow makes her life better by default.
Don't get me wrong, you're still writing an interesting story and I very much like it, but this just rubs me the wrong way.
7686955
I was referring to how I believe observed human-like behaviour would manifest in the context of Equestria. I'm well aware of the reality in our society. That said, it's late and I should have phrased that differently.
Maybe "we can conclude that at least some "recognizable in hindsight" retrospective evidence that Shining was transgendered before the spell should have become visible to the readers."
My point remains that, regardless of truth or intent, this doesn't come across as a transgendered character but, rather, a character who is implausibly eager to part from a major part of their prior identity, merely because it's what the author wants.
EDIT: ...or an author who changed their mind part-way through the story and wasn't willing to go back and amend the earlier chapters to be more compatible. That's another plausible interpretation.
7686894
True... but you still have to sell the reader on the plausibility of going this far when it's only been six months compared to an entire lifetime. I think you're reading something into Magical Mystery Cure that I haven't and, because you take that interpretation for granted rather than communicating it explicitly, the fic's ability to cause suspension of disbelief is weakened.
Gleam-Gleam staying female? I am all for it, as I like the character more that way anyway
You just had to do that one, don't you?
7687082
I get that. It's a pet peeve of mine, too. That's why I was trying to gradually trying to introduce this idea. If it's rubbing you the wrong way, then maybe I tipped my hand too early.
Shining isn't the one who can feel love. That's Cadance. Shining is feeling the personal satisfaction of protecting someone, because that's what his special talent is. Is that what you meant? If so, I wouldn't assume that she's going to abandon her male persona. I know said in this chap that she wants to "stay" a mare, but as the mate of the incredibly kinky Alicorn of Love, she'll likely be doing her fair share of genderswapping. I probably should've been more clear on this.
I'm not trying to say that either gender is superior to the other, or something.
7687096
7687108
I never know how to respond to comments like these, which is why I almost never do. I don't want to dismiss your criticism, but based on what you're saying (and how you're saying it), I don't think you're going to listen if I try to further defend my reasoning.
But nevertheless, thank you for the constructive feedback. Your viewpoint is noted.
7687174
I'd be quite interested in hearing about your reasoning.
I admit that it won't change my verdict on the story (because I'm always trying to become more objective and readers don't usually dive into the comments on a story for extra context before deciding what they think of it) but it would probably increase my own personal enjoyment of the fic and I'm definitely curious.
7687139 I get that, but it wasn't "I might be female more often", it's "I want to be female from now on". The name change is incredibly significant here; by this declaration, she's essentially saying that, outside the occasional kinky evening, she going to be exclusively female. While the male form might show up, the Shining Armor persona, and therefore everything we know about the character in canon, is effectively dead. She's Gleaming now. That kind of rejection of identity isn't normal and is totally out of character of Canon!Shining Armor.
I'm not saying that protecting her unborn foal isn't significant (or that if things turned out closer to canon, being a father wouldn't also draw out those feelings), but at this point, Cadence's spouse has effectively been replaced by a totally different character. It just really bothers me. I'm not saying that you should rewrite it, or that this ruins the story, but it bothers me.
7687254
Tell you what, I'll address this at some point, okay? It wasn't my intent to imply that Shining Armor as a character is no more. If you're getting that vibe, then others might be, too, and that's not what I wanna convey.
7687288 I'm not in any way saying you're doing it wrong, but these comments are meant for discussion and constructive criticism and I felt that it needed to be said. I still like this 'fic, but I feel I wouldn't be doing the 'fic justice by not mentioning it.
7687298
Oh, I know, and I appreciate it! I just think you bring up a good point. I don't think I'm doing it 'wrong', either, and I'm not gonna go back and change things, or anything. But what you're saying feels relevant to me, and there are ways it could be tied in to later stuff.
Ugh! The whole transgender issue! In a world of magic like the one depicted where gender is seemingly fluid and readily exchanged, ok, fantasy is fine and all. But IRL, except for the obvious species where hermaphrodite is the norm and those who swap naturally, HUMANS are typically born male or female. Seriously, there are feminine men and masculine women. That doesn't mean they're in the wrong body. Call yourself whatever you want, male is male and female in female. I know I'm not changing anyone's mind and nobody is changing mine, so don't bother arguing with me. I've said my peice.
7685412
You know, if the show were to actually canonize the fan theory that all the ponies with name variations of Twilight Sparkle were actually related, I doubt many people would be surprised. Even if it was just through a distant ancestor.
Shining's reasoning for staying a mare is kinda dumb. Well, okay, not dumb, more... insufficient, maybe?
Okay, I know that there is a 99% chance that Shining is going to ascend and become the Princess of Fecundity because at the end of the day this is a pregnancy fetish fic and I'm totally on board with that! But the reasoning she gives for WANTING to stay a mare seem iffy. Like, okay, She feels great. Well, that's probably the immense doses of alicorn magic and all the "no pain" spells. She feels the feeling of protection now that has foals to protect. Well... she can do that as a stallion. Everyone has been nice to her? Well, she's pregnant, and royalty. Of course people are going to be more polite. A better relationship with Cadance and doing more together? Well... shit, man, that's just you being a lousy husband.
I'm sorry, it's just an issue I have with gender swap stories. They always make it so being a woman is so much better than being a man. Women feel closer to kids, women have more fun during sex, women share a stronger bond with their friends. I'm sorry, but none of that is really true. Dads can be just as close to their kids as moms. I know, I know, "But the woman carried them!" Doesn't change the feelings of paternal connection. The only reason people think that is old-school gender roles and traditions. And while the effects of sexual arousal are indeed different, the female orgasm, while longer, activates the same nerves and release the same amount of neurochemicals as the male orgasm. Hell, one study has shown that some men can even have multiple orgasms in the same sex session! And hell, Shining is a soldier! When you go through the same suck and are willing to lay down your life for another man, there isn't a lot stronger of a relationship.
SO... yeah. Still love the story, love love love the way you portray Spike and Shining's relationship, can't wait for the next chapter, but the stated reasons that Shining wants to stay a mare are kind of weak.
Okay, dammit, it's past my bedtime but I'm staying up to clarify my above comment again. Consider this your punishment for the TwiDash.
Alright, the way you have it written now, it sounds like Shining is going to be Gleaming 99% of the time, and only change back to Shining during kinky sex, or at least stay female a LOT more than being male. If that's not what you have going down, then alright. If it is... eh-meh-frugin-mur-mumble... I have to agree with the guys above me. Well, the non-asshole ones, anyway. You haven't laid out enough of a case for Shining to WANT to be Gleaming most the time. I know you listed a bunch above, but those aren't. You haven't given reasons why she WANTS to be female most of the time, You've given reasons why she wants to be PREGNANT. And I know, I know, pregnancy fetish, here comes the Princess of Pregnancy, behold, behold also as a sidenote not against you why the fuck can't there be male alicorns unless they're edgelord or shitty OC's. But you need to lay out a better case for Shining Armor—who has been a male for over 30 years, likely—to want to suddenly be a mare most of the time after only six months.
Now, I hate playing armchair writer, so I'm not going to give options or ideas. Fuck my opinion, it's your damn fic; you write it exactly how the fuck you want it. I'm just saying, as it stands, we understand her wanting to be pregnant, not wanting to be a female
aye luv u, bae
7688916
7687298
7687184
I think you all bring up some good points I hadn't thought of, so let's just say this.
Parents, whether we acknowledge it or not, are extremely influential on their children's decisions, especially when the family is tightly knit. We've heard what Twilight Velvet's thoughts are on this matter, but we haven't heard Night Light's.
I wonder if that's going to play a factor in anything?
7689427 I really like your argument, but there's one aspect that it didn't quite clarify. Assuming that Cadence isn't going to want dozens and dozens of children, there's going many years where Shining won't be pregnant. Why will Shining want to be Gleaming during those periods?
Sorry; I got really interested in Jake The Army Guy's argument. I am now dropping the subject; at least until a new chapter comes out.
7689800
Well, of course. I already assumed they would have more kids, and yeah, Shining would have to be Gleaming for that. But the bits in between? That's where the issue lies. Unless she wants to be pregnant for the rest of her life.
Just last chapter (The Pirate) we had the Freudian slip at the party. This is the first hint to Shining that being a mare isn't just something that he is okay with, but something she wants. This isn't the first hint that the readers have had, but the first hint the Shining has. Then in the very next chapter he is coming out to others that he wants to be a mare. We skipped everything in-between with him coming to accept it himself. The only thing we get to transition between the two events is the one line, “I’ve been talking it over with Cady.” Show, don't tell. You need to show us Shining coming to accept that he wants to be a mare. Jumping from the first hint that the character has in one chapter, to them completely accepting it in the next chapter isn't, "gradually trying to introduce this idea." It's a brick wall.
This is what you wrote in the chapter.
"Gone was the firstborn son of House Sparkle, protector and renowned hero of the Equestria."
7689694 Okay, its a shame i missed this chapter getting posted when it was. While the discussion is over pretty much, with both sides having valid points. You nailed one thing on the head though. Parents influence kids a huge bit, or parental figures. And its true, the lack of, and help with on so many matters.
A good family will support when times are tough, and help through rough patches if only in moral support. And its this I liked along with the chapter. It was very light hearted, but good points of worry and of little aspects to not let the mind dwell on the bigger ones. The other side hasn't weighed in on things, but even spike makes a great foil here, with a very innocent frame of mind, but a good one for the tone and tempo.
7687174 What could only be more frustrating about transgenderism (and the reason why I'm really despising LGBT people lately), is the politicalization of transgenderism and abnormal sexuality. You know, the Social Justice Warrior types you see in various news sources these days who bitch about pronouns? I think you're doing an admirable job so far with the story and not going down that route with talking about society or how things should be and just keeping it a personal story with Shining/Gleam. I think you did tip your hand too early by having it sped up a few months or years too soon, but it's not a story killer and I loved the interaction between Gleam, Spike, and Velvet.
Now if only you could write faster.
7691093
7691240
Annnnd I realize now that that came off more bitter and douchey than I intended. Sorry about that.
Thank you for the complements and feedback. I'm glad you're enjoying the story!
7686894
Sudden? I saw it coming a mile away.
I see what you did there
I think Pinkie would have thought and done that
I loved this chapter it was cute,sweet and funny the dis part made me double take and cracking up.
Bit of a grammatical wobble, but not a bad bit of writing.
Heh, should we expect Gleaming to get so big her tummy lifts her off her hooves?
7709774
Pony pregnancies are typically portrayed as 11 months, give or take a few weeks.
7727284
Well, idk. She IS also getting taller...
You couldn't resist, could you?
stream1.gifsoup.com/view/10777/epic-facepalm-o.gif
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/63/4d/18/634d18d27f64f66890c06136186d2c15.jpg
Indeed.
Late commentor here~
I'm not surprised with Gleaming wanting to remain female at all, and I usually have no problem with characters who want a sex change. But when it comes to Gleaming's predicament I'm skeptical because it seems more along the lines that she's not so much in love with being a mare so much as she's in love with being pregnant. Most if not all the perks she mentioned can be explained as the relational dynamics or the feelings one would naturally experience when they are pregnant and have healthy, supportive relationships with the people around them. Only way to really test her conviction is to change her back to a stallion and let her remain that way for a period of time. See if being back in her own skin for a few months without the hormonal input will give her a clearer perspective on her choice. Then we'd get the definite answer to: Does Shinning Armour really rather life as a mare , full-time?
But the chance of this test being enacted are nearly zero. For one she's made up her mind, misguided or not she's going to stick to it. And further more you'd have to wait until after the children no longer need her milk before you take the teat away from them and change him back. He has to stay that way full-time to get a definite answer. But by the time you get to weening them she'd have most likely already bonded fully to the nurturing mother role, and babies can be smart, they'd probably cry whenever their mother-turned-father shows up because something just seems off to them. That'd shut down the experiment in a blink. Even if Gleaming was still on the fence about things, this and one more thing would more than likely seal the deal. The orgasm spell they put on her womb. Again, that has more to do with being pregnant than being a mare all around, but after at least 5 mindblowing climaxes that's the last thing she'd be thinking about. If she wasn't sold on being a mare before that...