Beasts and Beings - Stories of Equestria's Inhabitants

by Strongbolt Stonewing

Sporcellus

A Sporcellus (plural being 'Sporcelli') is a rodent-like being which, in terms of looks, closely resembles a guinea pig.

Like guinea pigs, Sporcelli come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and colours. So, I hear you ask, how does this make them different?

Well, while Sporcelli may look like guinea pigs, in no way whatsoever should you confuse the two species.

They actually have the ability of speech and are classified as beings, instead of beasts or animals, because they form colonies.

They're a rather isolated species. They prefer not to mingle or even interact with other creatures if they can. Partly out of fear, and partly out of pride.

You'll find that Sporcelli can be very patriotic, they are incredibly proud of their race for reasons that nobody is able to understand. They believe that they are divine creatures that have a far better society than any others do. And so, hate being related to anything other than Sporcelli.

This is where their bad tempers come in.

What angers a Sporcellus more than anything is when you refer to it as, or compare it to, a guinea pig.

Perhaps this is best explained through a story...

A few miles off of Fillydelphia, there is a forest known as 'Dead Oak Woods'. It's a very secluded place where outsiders rarely trek and so is perfect for a Sporcelli settlement.

We had been exploring-

Well, you call it 'exploring', I call it 'boring'.

What do you mean? We had fun!

We were picking up mud. How is that even remotely fun?

We were not 'picking up mud', we were collecting valuable dirt samples to assist in our research of Dead Oak Woods.

Regardless, they were painfully slow and infinitely tiring activities.

But it was romantic!

How was that romantic?

It was just the two of us together, enjoying each others company and-

Picking up mud?

Whatever! Finish the story!

Gladly. We were out picking up mud when-

Collecting dirt samples!

Nobody cares! Suddenly, we were surrounded by a group of guinea pigs wielding spears.

At first we were a little confused. Then Strongbolt tried to pet one and it jabbed him in the hoof.

For the sake of our younger audience, I won't recite exactly what I said to it. But let's just say the words "Bad Guinea Pig" were involved.

At this point they went nuts, hollering and pouncing, attacking us from all corners. Don't ask me how, but they managed to tie us up and bring us back to their camp.

In fairness, there was literally thousands of them... and they all had chainsaws... and bazookas... and they wore bulletproof vests.

No they didn't-

Shiera, please, don't interrupt.

But you-

So! We were taken to the Sporcellus camp. Where our fate was to be decided.

Originally, they wanted the death penalty.

But luckily, Sporcelli are very gullible and I convinced them to change their minds.

By some miracle, the Sporcelli believed that we were actually wizards who made potions out of mud.

At first, they weren't too sure, but then I presented them with a gift...

A gift? Is that what you call it?

I told them that the jars of dirt we had collected had magical powers and, if cooked for 30-40 minutes depending on the wattage of your microwave, could be used to make Sporcelli invincible. Obviously, they were tempted by this offer, however, some were a little sceptical.

So, we told them that if we could just go home and pick up our microwave, we'd prove it to them.

They allowed us to leave. And we never went back.

They were tricked by Strongbolt, now that is embarrassing.

Chances are there's an angry Sporcellus tribe out there waiting for an invincibility elixir that's never going to come. Who says lying isn't useful? I don't what they were thinking with this Element of Honesty malarkey.

Comments

[Prince_Staghorn]

...Suddenly King Deception's story about being attacked by angry talking guinea pigs makes a lot more sense. For the Record, this is King Deception and his royal advisor, Charlie

fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/094/d/7/king_deception_by_adistroughtwolf-d60egnd.png

[alehhandro]

Daaaamn! I laughed myself off my chair! This story gets was too little credit!!!