Albert Wesker and the Showpony, Part I
Author's Note: Yes, I am actually alive. Have been working in a pub recently and the shifts have been fairly hectic. Just managed to squeeze my writing time into my day off. Hope you enjoy this chapter and remember that I'm not necessarily quoting the episodes word for word anymore but doing them from memory so please don't correct me if I get something wrong cos I'm trying not to re-tread the same ground. It may follow a similar direction though, Wesker doesn't screw up the timeline too much. Short chapter, I know but I have a day off on Thursday so I should be able to write part II then. Fingers crossed. Enjoy, you lovely people. Beta'd by Jack Kellar and Jasontaylorblogs
"Stupidity combined with arrogance and a huge ego will get you a long way."
Chris Lowe
It certainly was a bizarre occurrence for Albert Wesker. Never in his entire life had he ever found anything like it, a fact proven by how he had to die twice and travel to another dimension to top it off.
All in order to locate it... A being whose ego was even larger than his.
He merely stood, dumbfounded, next to an equally aghast Rarity, as this magician rattled off a long list of her positive virtues. Most of which were just prefixes to her name, Trixie.
Great and Powerful Trixie, I think you'll find, Al.
Only once Hell froze over would he call her that.
Still, the idea that this showcase could very well be merely part of the act and after the mare pulled a bunny from a hat, she would then go on to reveal herself as a mildly annoying average citizen, rather than a colossal pain in the hindquarters, provided the former human with some solace. That would really be magic, the magic of acting, a base for the fine art of theater.
It seemed more plausible than a pony quite this insufferable actually existing in real life.
At least you've accepted this as real now, Al. That's a relief.
Of course his brain could never concoct such humiliating scenarios. This had to be real.
Wesker switched off his insular wondering and focused once more on the blue unicorn flouncing across the stage in front of him. "Roll up, roll up. Get in line for the most bedazzling, incredible show in all of pony history! Be part of a one in a lifetime phenomenon as the Great and Powerful Trixie shows her fabulous and unprecedented magical skill!"
He turned to Rarity, "She certainly can't be accused of lacking showmanship, can she?"
Another new arrival cut across the unicorn's reply, earning herself a frosty glare from her. "Sure can't, Al. Shame her attitude stinks so much, ain't really the way to sell yourself to decent folk."
"Thank you for interrupting, Applejack," Rarity said before turning back towards Wesker, missing the tongue that the earth pony stuck out at her back. The blonde mare smirked, but turned away when the stallion of the trio caught her eye mid-act.
"I agree," the snow white mare continued obliviously, "not to mention she's been doing nothing but talking herself up for what feels like forever. Is there even a show to watch?"
Wesker rolled his eyes as the showpony continued reeling in the interested ponies with endless self-aggrandising talk as they strolled across the town centre. "Perhaps this is the show. One hour of magical and stupendous arrogance. Perhaps her cutie mark is the metaphysical embodiment of an unearned sense of self-worth."
Three pairs of eyes gazed confusedly at him – Rarity's, Applejack's and Rainbow's, the latter of whom had only arrived in time for the tail end of his rant.
Wesker sighed. "I mean she is arrogant and that is bad."
There were noises of agreement and faint nods from the three mares in front of him, and it took all of his willpower to not bring his hoof in heavy contact with his forehead.
He was spared having to resist the urge by the sudden arrival of Twilight Sparkle, with Spike atop her back. She seemed to have moved rapidly towards the show, as her cheeks were faintly reddened from surmised physical strain. She smiled tiredly when she noticed her friends directly in front of the stage and, manoeuvering her way through the packed crowd, eventually found herself alongside three of her fellow Elements of Harmony and a certain incognito ex-human. "Hey, everypony... has the show started yet?"
She was met with a collective sigh and a resounding 'no' from all of the present.
Spike scratched his head idly. "Huh. I thought we were gonna be late." Twilight huffed and glared at him as she tried to catch her breath. "What? I'm only a baby, I can't be expected to run all the way!"
"No, she hasn't begun yet." Wesker chanced a glance up at the stage, where the showpony finally seemed satisfied with the size of the crowd in front of her, evident by how she dramatically cleared her throat. "Ah, I think she's finally finished with the sales pitch."
Trixie then retreated back into her portable set.
The blonde sighed in annoyance a second time. "Or perhaps not."
"Come one, come all," said a voice belonging to the now-unseen blue unicorn. "Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie!"
There was a flash of light, a puff of smoke and in an instant the blue unicorn appeared triumphantly on stage, beaming smugly as a chorus of 'ooooo's rose up in front of her.
There was even more showmanship to come, Wesker guessed. "Gaze in awe and wonder as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs feats that have never before been witnessed by pony eyes!"
He was right.
Resist the urge to scream in frustration, resist the urge to scream in frustration....
He silently repeated this mantra in his head, time and time again. There would be a show soon; everyone in show business needed to inflate their act before they performed it. Resist the urge to scream in frustration.
Some fireworks flew from the recesses of her trailer, drawing more gasps of awe from the pin-headed simpletons in the audience.
"What boasting…" Wesker and Rarity caught each other's eyes when they realized they both spoke the exact same two words in unison. The impromptu coordination elicited a faint grin from both. Spike muttered something about Twilight and mustaches before sprinting off in the opposite direction.
Twilight looked concerned, "There's nothing wrong with being talented is there?"
Wesker snorted contemptuously. "Talent and arrogance are two entirely different beasts, dear heart."
Applejack nodded vigorously. "She's a show-off and Ponyvillians don't take too kindly to show-offs." A snort escaped her as Trixie made a bouquet of flowers appear via magic, looking all too pleased with herself.
"Exactly!" Rarity flipped her mane dramatically to the side. "Being able to do lots of magic does not make one better than the rest of us."
Rainbow smirked and raised a hoof as though she were about to make some sort of smug comment, but as she caught Wesker's warning glare, the words died in her throat. "Uhh… Yeah. Magic schmagic." His eyebrow arched skyward. "Uhh… booo!" she pressed on half-heartedly.
Unfortunately, this half-hearted attempt at agreeing with the general consensus caught the attention of the performer. "Well, it seems we have some neiiiigh-sayers in the audience!"
Lovely pun there. God I love this world Al, it's like one big cartoon.
"Do they not know that they are in the presence of the greatest magician in all of Equestria?!"
Wesker cast a sidelong glance at his companions, who were all in various phases of either annoyance or stupefaction, and a thought struck him. "Where is Miss Fluttershy?"
Most of the other ponies continued to look angrily towards Trixie, except for Rainbow. "She's cleaning up her cottage. She's a little bit of a neat-freak, and having someone she just met stay there for a week unconscious has kinda thrown her a bit." Wesker frowned. "Not that it's your fault."
His expression didn't change. "No. It's yours."
Rainbow rolled her eyes, right as Rarity finally spoke up, "Just who does she think she is?"
Spike, who had snuck back into the group mere moments ago, began to say something before being ushered away by Twilight, who spoke to him away from the crowd in hushed tones.
"Do you think that Twilight is bothered by this Trixie character?"
Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked over at Wesker, but were unable to reply, interrupted by another cacophony of fireworks erupting into the air. It seemed that, for Rainbow Dash at least, it was the last straw of her patience; she flew up onto the stage to confront the arrogant unicorn. "What makes you think you're so great anyway?"
The showmare scoffed. "It's very simple: only the Great and Powerful Trixie has magic enough to defeat the dreaded URSA MAJOR!" A series of extra fireworks shot up into the sky and produced a crude outline of a bear that, apparently, was meant to look ferocious. "When all hope was lost, the ponies of Hoofington had no one else to turn to." She flourished her head dramatically and a tiny outline of a blue pony on a broomstick appeared in the sky next to the bear. "The Great and Powerful Trixie vanquished the dreaded Ursa Major with her awesome magic and sent it back to its cave deep within the Everfree Forest!"
The firework representing Trixie shot out purple lines, and the giant bear vanished with a sudden shot of sparks. Most present gasped in shock and awe, loudly praising the magical abilities of the pony before them, including two foals to the left of Wesker and his companions.
The former human's composure slipped. Majorly. "WHAT?"
Everyone present stopped their acts of talking or applauding in favor of staring at the furious blond stallion wearing mirrored shades.
"Are you fucking kidding me? It's a picture of a bear written in magical fireworks! That doesn't prove that she defeated anything! I could draw a picture of me relieving myself on a manticore's head and that wouldn't be any evidence that I've done anything close to it!
"What is wrong with all of you?! Are you really such small-minded simpletons that you take absolutely everything you hear on face value?!" Still seething, the man sharply pushed his glasses back to the bridge of his nose. "Perhaps, if all of you could think for five seconds, you might realise that this is just smoke and mirrors! If she was truly so powerful, then why would she be in a goddamn trailer performing a rickety one-pony razzle-dazzle show?!"
His entire audience, which included the so-called Great and Powerful Trixie, stared blankly at the livid earth pony. Wesker felt a vein pulsing angrily at the side of his head, drumming unchallenged in the dead silence of Ponyville.
The uncomfortable stillness hung as heavily as a cloud over the group of ponies until Albert Wesker caught himself and realised the extent of the scene he had just caused. "Erm… I mean, wow. Golly gosh, that really takes my breath away," he uttered with little enthusiasm.
To her credit, Trixie recovered from the dumb shock before anyone eles. "Th… That's right. Trixie certainly is the best in all of Ponyville. Anypony care to prove me wrong?"
Wesker sighed in relief as his rant was mercifully pushed out of mind by the challenge, which his acquaintances bristled at in turn.
Still, he had the feeling it was going to be one of those days.
Yay! You're back with more Wesker-action! Missed you.
EDIT: Huh. Seems a little bit fast paced. Like the start of the chapter where Wesker and Rarity both are at the stage without the walk there being described; suddenly they're just there. I think some of the readers would've enjoyed Rarity and Wesker conversing about something, like Applejack's and Big Mac's teasing Wesker about Twilight's (albeit vaguely) mentioned crush on Wesker (we all know Rarity would be the first to know from Applejack and then be very inquisitive about it). I don't know, it just seems kinda boring to just have them appear there with no detail as to how.
Also, that outburst of his just seems a little bit 'un-Wesker-like'. Sure, he would have made a really snarky remark, but I think he has a little more control over his temper in these kinds of situations.
EDITEDIT: I realize you've been kept really busy, and we can all respect that, but don't rush out a chapter for our sake.
Oh Wesker, you need to replace the brain to mouth filter every 500 miles
Of course, his brain could never concoct such humiliating scenarios, this had to all be real. Wesker switched off his insular wondering and focused once more on the purple unicorn flouncing across the stage in front of him.
“Come one, come all. Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie.” There was a flash of light, a puff of smoke and in an instant the blue unicorn appeared triumphantly on stage, beaming smugly as a chorus of ‘ooooo’s rose up in front of her.
Hmm... It would seem that the Great and Powerful Trixie can change the color of her coat between paragraphs... Interesting.
Also, continuity aside, I still really like this.
So Weker's gonna have to take down an Ursa Minor? Well. Better hope Cobra Strikes are effective. Or you can just have Twilight take it down. That works too.
2802810
Haha, it's 2 in the morning and I have work tomorrow. Leave me alone.
good one Wesker, good one
stream1.gifsoup.com/view/754962/applause-o.gif
he is gonna decimate her!!!
He may not have magic, but Wesker has a ton of mutated strength to put Trixie in her place
Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he still carried the delusion of becoming a god in front of her Just imagine "...I'm the only god..."
-or-
"Seven minutes. Seven minutes is all I can spare to play with you."
Heh, I got an idea. An Equestria Girls bonus chapter of sorts. It would be hilarious to see Wesker's reactions to his old body being restoered, and if he'll ever want to go back to Equestria.
2802829 IMA say cobra strikes are enough. That shit is AWESOME XD.
2802895 I was actually thinking about that this morning. It would actually make sense Wesker regained all his former (now slowly building up) powers in the human world of Equestria Girls. It would also be funny to see how everyone at the school, including Twilight, would react to Wesker there (considering he's stark raving sexy I'd wager he would draw numerous pair of eyes).
I so want to see Wesker take on an Ursa Minor, and even possibly a Major. With all he's done taking those down will be a cinch.
Lol, silly Wesker. Demanding "evidence" and what not from a show off within a town that can't remember what happened the day before.
2803015 an Ursa Major is far larger then anything he has ever fought, by a wide margin.
2802840
2:00 AM?
Do you live in Europe?
2802927
Eeyup. Nothing could quite replace that feeling of satisfaction you get when the enemy flies across the stage just from the sheer force.
2802989
Hahah! Wasn't quite thinking along those lines, but yes! It works! It'd be one helluva short bonus chapter though, as with all his powers back he'll try to take over the world. I wonder... If given the choice (with his full powers and all), would he try to kill the Mane Six, his 'friends'?
Oh Wesker.
I get the feeling that Wesker is going to be using sarcasm quite a bit. He better be careful though since he might not be able to stop using sarcasm if he uses it too much.
I actually want to see Trixie beat Al. I just think it would be funny to see him lose especially to someone like Tixie.
Ungodly short
But I wait for next update, at least you're making an effort to come back, and that's really all I wanted to see.
Wesker is going to kill Trixie
2803170 Yeah, that's WHY it would be funny.
2803073 I doubt he would kill them just like that. After all, Wesker wasn't wholly evil, he was just misanthropic and went to drastic methods in an attempt to 'save' a world that he thought of as corrupt and flawed, which is the complete opposite of the world of FiM (Equestria Girls included). Honestly, I don't think Wesker would see it as a necessary action, even with his undeniable god complex (although that arguably came later with his dive into madness and an elevated superiority complex).
EDIT: At worst he would have acted extremely condescending towards everyone.
EDITEDIT: He would act so condescending that one of the girls would say "Sheesh... your dad is really mean." to Twilight (he's pretty much old enough to be her dad if her age in EQG (likely 18-19) is anything to go by).
2802739 so, every 20 mins
2803170 Well, Trixie has the chance to best him with her magic. She does seem quite competent with it. More so then regular unicorns.
But it'd be even, what with Wesker's experience and brain power. (Not to mention his endurance and swiftness.)
It'd be interesting to watch. (Though he'd probably take her by surprise.)
Yo Albert, ask her if she even lifts! nopony can lift what you can!
Wesker is just jealous that her ego is bigger than his ego.
Once again you truley deliver a plate full of awsome, thank you!
2803059
Indeed, I'm from the UK.
Hmm - feels rather rushed. Then again, that's probably because, from what you say, you kind've _were_ rushing. You might want to reconsider that. Whilst the occasional chapter here and there can pass by being rushed through (although, preferably not), too many of those will have a significant effect on the overall quality of the story - which, so far, has been positively golden.
Still, glad to see you back and updating - damn RL for interfering with the important things, eh?
2803327 This. Make it so Wesker starts being affected by Equestria, slowly turning into a nice guy, and have this be piece of evidence #1.
2803054 Maybe bigger but not tougher.
Bigger does not mean tougher...most of the time... god damn tyrants...
Wish you luck on future works, and looking forward to it.
Damnit Wesker, you're going to get something killed.
2804220 Obviously.
Wesker never was awesome anyway. Absolutely.
2802859
Other quotes that could work before, after, or during a Trixie vs Albert challenge:
"I expected more of a challenge after all this time."
"I'm just getting started!"
"You're merely postponing the inevitable."
"Times up. How fortunate for you."
"This should be intersting. One on one."
Anything Wesker says is always cooler than it ever could be.
He should challenge her on who can take the most punches to the face!!!
Super healing for the win!!!
If a Ursa Major bleeds, we can kill it.
69.89.31.131/~myfilmvi/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/1predator-original.jpg
Something tells me that if Wesker tries to fight the Ursa Minor and beats it back, there is really going to be a pissed off Ursa Major and Fluttershy for him to contend with.
Rofl, that outburst was funny as hell! I think that Trixie will sure be in for it by the end of this.
Wesker should play with her for seven minutes, then finish her.
Oh god, Weskers outburst had me laughing more than it should have
Glad to see your work again, but don't rush we can wait!
Gotta say, this is the only fanfic that I've read multiple times. I can't explain why but its just so darn enjoyable!
finally!! great chapter, cant wait for part II
I ship Wesker and Trixie and you can't stop me.
Applejack: "She's a show-off and Ponyvillians don't take too kindly to show-offs."
Me: Okay then Ms. Apple Picking Pansy. If that were true, EXPLAIN RD!
Rarity: "Exactly!" Rarity flipped her mane dramatically to the side. "Being able to do lots of magic does not make one better than the rest of us."
Me: Ummm...yeah it does. She can do things you can't, therefore, she is better than you in what she can do and you can't.
I must ask, nay; beg you to please be gentle with her.
Some one put down a towel this is going to be messy.
2924080 I'm a dude... dun duun duuuuuun
If only we could get an update! =D
Re-read the last chapter, I kind of miss the old Wesker's outburst at Trixie. It was a lot funnier. (An memorable)