• Published 11th Mar 2012
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My Little Wesker - Iamdanny0



After Wesker is defeated, he finds himself in a strange land. A strange land known as Equestria.

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Albert Wesker and Cooking

Author's note: For those wondering why Applebloom isn't mentioning Wesker's cutie mark, she hasn't formed the CMC yet. :) Also, if you want to picture Wesker "inhaling deeply through his nostrils" and "sighing contentedly", think "Complete... Global... Saturation..." :P

Wesker treated cooking as any other scientific experiment, the parameters were easy to establish, the testing environment was about as static as he could manage and all aspects were totally under his control... in theory, at least. He'd returned home from his frankly exhausting book-carting journey and had slumped inelegantly into his bed (sofa) with a myriad of confusing thoughts brought about by Big Macintosh's gentle inquisition running through his mind but he assumed that he was highly suggestible due to tiredness.

Indeed, the idea of you caring about anyone other than yourself is ludicrous, Albert.

Quite, he'd learned very young that the only person you could truly have faith in is yourself. You know your own parameters, your own capabilities, your strengths and weaknesses; you know how you will react in any given situation. If there was one thing that Albert Wesker couldn't tolerate, it was unknowns.

Now he found himself in front of an incredibly hot oven, in charge of cooking both breakfast to wake up sleeping farm ponies and dinner for Applejack and Big Macintosh once they'd all returned from Wesker's welcoming party. He wasn't sure whether he preferred doing manual labour out on the fields or cooking indoors.

"Whatcha makin' Mr Wesker?"

Ah, there was the downside of having Applebloom flitting around him as he tried to create his patented oven-baked deep-dish apple pancakes; he'd accidentally woken her up as he crept down the stairs at an improbably early hour, he'd introduced himself briskly and apologised for waking her before telling her to go back to bed. An order which she'd processed and ultimately decided to ignore.

Wesker answered without turning his head from all the ingredients he needed, neatly arranged on the countertop, next to a pre-heated oven. "Pancakes"

Applebloom cocked her head to the side, "Didn't y'all have pancakes yesterday?"

Wesker closed his eyes briefly, "We did."

Curiosity burned in the young filly's eyes, "Aren't y'all afraid that Applejack and Big Macintosh will be bored by 'em?"

"No. These pancakes are different."

"How?"

Wesker allowed himself the ghost of a smirk as he turned his head slightly to face her, "These are better."

A wide smile broke across Applebloom's face, "Boy howdy, sounds like y'all think they're gonna be swell. How can I help?"

Wesker pondered this question and for a brief moment considered the possibility that Applejack had instructed her sister to sabotage his cooking in order to claim victory in their culinary contest before chalking this up to early morning insanity, his new body did not react as well to waking up early as his previous one had. "Indeed they will be, you can help by chopping these pecan nuts." He felt as though he needed to give a cursory warning in order to remove any responsibility as a guardian, "Be careful with the knife."

Applebloom nodded happily as Wesker slid the pile of nuts across the countertop in order to create a 'workspace' for the young pony, even if she did somehow manage to mess up chopping nuts, they weren't an essential part of the recipe and he could always leave them out; though he'd really prefer not to... "What'll y'all be doin', Mr Wesker?"

Wesker sighed, why couldn't children be more like how he was as a child? Quiet and insular.

Not to mention coldly calculating and utterly amoral, in case you forgot Albert.

He didn't want to reflect on the particular memories that fact brought up and so distracted himself by providing an answer to Applebloom's question. "I will be making the pancake batter and the topping as well as peeling, slicing and cooking these apples."

"That sounds like a lotta work, Mr Wesker."

Wesker's mouth twitched as he began mixing the eggs, milk and pancake mix together before adding a tablespoon of sugar, "Not if you know what you're doing."

Applebloom's tongue poked out between her teeth as she focused on slicing the pecans, "Do ya know what you're makin' for dinner yet?"

Wesker snorted mirthlessly, "One problem at a time. I suppose I'll be going into town to see what ingredients I can find before I experience one of Miss Pinkie Pie's 'world famous' parties. Then I'll cook up whatever I was inspired to create afterwards."

Applebloom peeked up from her attempt to set a world record for most carefully cut pecan nuts, "Y'all don't sound too excited 'bout your welcomin' party, Mr Wesker."

Wesker frowned contemplatively, "You could say that. I've never been the partying type."

Now it was Applebloom's turn to frown, "How'd y'all know?"

Wesker's eyebrow quirked upwards, "I beg your pardon?"

Applebloom had the decency to look mildly sheepish at her bluntness before pressing on, "Applejack told me y'all had no memory of your life before. How'd you know y'all weren't a party pony?"

Wesker was momentarily struck dumb by the young filly's perceptiveness before swiftly rectifying the situation, "Memories aren't always what define a pony's personality, Miss Applebloom, though I can still remember fragments. It just seems to be the case that I never enjoyed social gatherings, perhaps you are right though, I daresay I'll find out this afternoon." That was relatively well recovered, god forbid that he be unintentionally outmanoeuvred by an inquisitive child.

Applebloom nodded sagely, obviously glad to be conversed with on an equal level, "Must be awful t'have no memories, I'm mighty sorry."

The annoyingly persistent twinge of guilt that Wesker felt was quickly chased away by rationality as he nodded once, "That's kind of you to say, Miss Applebloom but not necessary, I am coping as well as I could have hoped." At least that wasn't an outright lie; he was coping with death and being resurrected as a talking pony far better than he ever imagined he would... not that becoming a talking pony had been a common chain of thought in his previous life.

Applebloom remained mercifully silent as Wesker mixed together some cinnamon and the remaining sugar in order to create the topping he would apply once he'd cooked the apples, sprinkled the pecans on top and then poured the batter over the resulting mixture. The cooking seemed to take on the simple flow that he was accustomed to, allowing his mind to wander as he ran on auto-pilot.

Isn't this better than being shot in the face with rocket launchers, Al?

Heh, he definitely couldn't argue that point, though he'd still never seen himself settling down into a simple wholesome life, he'd always seen such an existence as the reserve of the foolish and the unambitious.

Which one are you then, Albert?

It was incredibly obvious which one option he had leant more heavily towards, if he had to pick which one of the two flaws had defined him prior to his death. He'd barely even planned out his plan to become God of all he surveyed, the more he considered it, the more apocalyptically short-sighted he realised he had been. What would've happened to the world economy? How would he have united the disparate pockets of survivors? How would he crush the resistance of those who inevitably opposed him? Perhaps it was a good thing that he had failed, the difficulty of that operation would have destroyed his sanity just as surely as defeat to Redfield had.

During the course of his musings, Wesker finished off the preparation for his pancakes and added possibly the most meticulously chopped nuts in history to the mixture before placing it gently in the oven.

Wesker nodded in a vaguely satisfied manner, "Should be ready in around 20 minutes." He turned towards a beaming Applebloom, "Thank you for your help."

I'm sure I couldn't have coped without you, he thought sardonically.

The wide smile on the young filly grew even wider; a feat that Wesker didn't believe was physically possible. "Ain't nothin'. Ah'm happy t'help, anythin' else ya need?"

Wesker pondered this briefly before realising there was another favour he needed done, "Could you wake up Applejack and Big Macintosh?" He was tempted to wake up Applejack himself so that she could see his expression of smug superiority as her first sight of the day but Wesker figured that he valued his nether regions too highly to risk it, not to mention the fact that he was only half way to winning this competition... if that.

"Yes sir!" The little pony zipped up the stairs at a pace that Wesker would have envied when he was superhuman.

The corners of his mouth turned very slightly upwards when he heard Applejack cry out, "What in tarnation?" Followed by the unmistakable sound of an overly energetic filly bouncing on a bed. No doubt she was probably excited beyond words for her siblings sampling the pancakes that she 'helped make'. Eventually he heard the sound of hooves coming down the stairs, no doubt heralding the arrival of three hungry, expectant ponies.

It was Applejack's voice he heard first, unsurprisingly, "Boy howdy, that sure smells..." She walked into the kitchen and clocked Wesker's self-satisfied visage, "...satisfactory." She finished with a devilish grin.

Wesker returned the expression with a raised eyebrow, "I'm sure you can whip up something for yourself if it doesn't quite meet your standards." He inhaled deeply through his nostrils at the delicious scent of his pancakes and sighed contentedly, "It would be your loss though, Applejack."

Applejack's mouth twisted slightly, torn between annoyance and amusement... and hunger. She sat down at the table just as Big Macintosh arrived in the room with Applebloom riding on his back.

Applebloom seemed to be in fine spirits and it appeared to have rubbed off on Macintosh. The younger of the two was whooping and cheering as though competing in a rodeo whilst the elder was chuckling heartily.

Wesker removed the pancakes for the oven and split them evenly onto four plates before placing each one at a separate placemat on the table, "I believe this puts me halfway towards victory, dear Applejack."

The orange pony merely rolled her eyes in reply before diving into Wesker's pancakes, Applebloom and Big Macintosh followed suit. Applejack eventually saw fit to speak to Wesker, once the pancakes had been roundly demolished with a begrudging, "I'll bet y'all will mess up dinner somehow", causing Wesker to smirk evilly. "So what are y'all gonna do today? You got a while 'til we gotta go to Pinkie Pie's."

"I believe I shall be shopping for ingredients, I do wish to win in style."

Applejack hmph'd, "And ah thought ah was competitive."

Wesker snorted, "You started the contest, Miss Applejack, I am merely standing my ground." This evoked a snicker from Macintosh and a sigh from Applejack. "Now, I believe I will set off towards town and purchase the ingredients I need... then I suppose I shall read the books kindly leant to me by Miss Sparkle."

He didn't miss the conspiritual, knowing look exchanged between the large red pony and the orange, hat-wearing pony as he walked out of the kitchen and onto the dirt track outside. He felt the need to clarify the situation: "I have no interest in her whatsoever!"

The chuckles that permeated after him suggested that he was entirely unsuccessful in quelling their irritating theories.

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