• Published 28th Nov 2013
  • 1,397 Views, 38 Comments

The Eternal Sunshine of A Spikeless Mind - Eventide Indigo



[based of the Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind] If you love someone, you let them go. Even if that means dealing with the pain of forgetting and being forgotten.

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Prologue

“I beg your pardon, but do I know you, darling?” Rarity queried sweetly, her voice lathered in honey-like tones as they always were when addressing a stranger.


How utterly strange.


A peculiar, sickly sinking feeling greeted my gut at her words. It would bring a cheerful grin to my lips if it were Pinkie speaking to me, as I was well aware she loved a good prank, but for a respectably prim and proper mare such as Rarity…


It seemed positively unthinkable that she would joke about such a thing. Especially while maintaining such a disturbingly straight face. Despite the unsettling stirrings in my chest, I gave an empty laugh.


“Ha, nice one, Rarity.” I grinned, though I could feel the corners of my lips fall ever so slightly as her face remained stoic and unamused. Her head cocked to the side, causing a single lock of her voluminous and silky violet mane to collapse over her right eye. She irritatedly brushed it away with an indignant snort.


“I’m afraid I don’t remember who you are, mister, um..?”


“Spike,” I said quietly, my eyes widened in pure bewilderment. Had Rarity been drinking? It was quite unbecoming of this alabaster unicorn to ever step hoof into a bar, but I’m sure that anypony -- even the most elegant and astute of them -- to have one too many a glass of red wine in the wake of a crisis.


“Well, Mr. Spike,” she began curtly, “I’m ever so sorry I can’t recall meeting you, but I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to catch up if we cross paths again. But not now, darling, I simply must run along now, I’m already late for an extremely important meeting.” She flashed me an apologetic smile as she turned crisply on her heel and trotted away, her glossy tail bouncing playfully behind her.


“Ta-ta, then!” she chimed over her shoulder. I urged myself to do something… anything. And yet, I watched as my arm raised limply in a dazed wave, and my lips failed to utter a ‘goodbye’.


It was a crisp-aired autumn afternoon -- heavy with the musk of fallen leaves and winter’s bated breath -- that Rarity forgot me. As my eyes followed her figure down the street, I realised that it was I, and only I, that she had lost in the mists of her mind. She sang a joyful hello to everypony she passed, laughing kindly along with them and calling them lovingly by name.


Mere days ago we had held a private picnic, and in preparation for her arrival, I had gathered a lovely, fragrant bouquet of scarlet carnations. I had wordlessly led her to a meadow, a grassy glade that was always awash with the twitters of nature and forever basked in sunlight’s glow. It was a field that I had, for many years, retreated to when it times of doubt or worry -- it soothed me like no kind words ever could. My heart was instantaneously appeased by even the faintest whiff of the meadow’s scent -- a delicate perfume of fresh morning dew and lavender, which grew in abundance throughout the lush, emerald glade.


And when she opened her eyes…


When she opened those glistening sapphire eyes, I could have easily testified that I was the happiest dragon in the world.


I presented her with the carnations, which she accepted gratuitously. I was astonished to find that her pallid face had flushed more than mine as she accepted those flowers. We had remained there, in the company of the chirping sing-song of the birds above us and the beautiful sprays of lilies and buttercups, long after the picnic basket had been emptied and the last, plump piece of the blueberry pie had been consumed.


We stayed there, simply talking and enjoying one another’s company, until the first rosy hues of dusk painted the wispy cirrus clouds that drifted along above us and the sun began its descent.


And as I escorted her to the lantern-lit doorstep of the Carousel Boutique, she planted a single kiss on my cheek -- more sweet than any carnation or earthly gift I could have granted -- and promptly said goodnight.


And that was the last goodbye I ever had.


“Spike, you’re home late. What took you so long?” Twilight asked ponderously as the last book she had enveloped in her magic influence was shoved into its proper place on the shelf. A frown of stern disapproval at my tardiness and lack of warning persisted upon her lips, but I could sense her relief upon my arrival -- however delayed it may have been.


“Sorry, Twi. I was feeling a little down, so I stopped by the meadow.” I sighed dejectedly. Every ounce of mock-motherly scolding melted from her face, replaced by a look of loving concern.


“Oh? What’s got you down, Spike?” she asked, biting her lip with worried concern.


“I-it’s Rarity. I bumped into her today at the town market, just in front of the old windmill, and when I said hello, she..” I trailed off, biting back tears of bitterness I hadn’t known I had been containing. Twilight nodded her head expectantly, her eyes gleaming with interest. “She said she had no idea who I was. I thought maybe it was a joke, but she seemed so -”


“So dead serious.” Twilight finished, a long sigh following. “I don’t know what to say, Spike. That’s so odd. Perhaps she was just out of it today. I know for a fact that she’s been struggling to balance her life since she received several very important clients. Maybe she just needs rest before she can think straight. Remember last summer, and how I was constantly forgetting things because I had been too stressed over my studies?”


I simply nodded, not having the strength or will to breath a word of reply.


“Cheer up, Spike, nopony just flat-out forgets about one of their dearest friends.”


“Then why did she remember everypony else? Why, out of hundreds of towns ponies, did she not remember me? It just doesn’t add up, Twi.”


That’s when I noticed.


Twilight was crying. She hovered over me, fixing me with eyes brimming with tears. She gave me an apologetic smile as a loud sob escaped her trembling lips, and her knees buckled.


“Twilight!” I cried, rushing to her side. Tears trickled freely down her lavender cheeks, and her eyes darted away from mine.


“I am so sorry, Spike. But I had to. It was my job. I erased her memory,” she cried, her puffed and bloodshot eyes peering pleadingly up at me. I stood frozen there, my mouth open and closing as words failed to escape, or even come to mind.

“But not by choice, Spike.” Twilight sniffled. “Rarity asked me to.”

Comments ( 38 )

Goddamn you, Twilight!:raritydespair:

3548600 Nice to see you writing again my friend:moustache:

3548607 I'm glad to! I'd like to keep it up.

You actually inspired me to write a story, since you're constantly writing nice stories.

3548633 Dang, Patrick is sooo sexy in that gif. :twilightsheepish:

3548638
Hey speaking of stories did you check out my newest one?:duck:

3548710 I had been planning on reading it when i got the time. I have it now, so off I go! :twilightsmile:

Alright, Miss Velvet, I have an input. I like where this is going, and I could enjoy reading it. I have my doubts, however, as to whether it will reach my standards of quality (because I'm a jerk who only tolerates the highest quality, AKA my username). If you don't mind, I'll be leaving a "little bit" of constructive criticism. Here we go.

* I like the detail you're using. You aren't boring me to death, and you're not giving me a vague idea.
* I dislike the occasional punctuation slip. Make sure to give your chapters a once-over before an upload.
* I've not read any Rarity-Spike shipping before (or much shipping in general), so I won't comment on the romantic aspect relative to my standard. Just make me feel emotion, which I am normally so devoid of.
* I like reading more at one time. Two thousand words at minimum to a chapter makes it feel more thick. I like them (the stories I read) thick.

Best of luck having success with this venture.

3548808 Thank you! I always appreciate some good constructive criticism. :pinkiesmile: I am fully intending on making future chapters longer and 'thicker', as you say. As for punctuation, I shall check it over when I have time.

While I'm not usually into Sparity I'm curious to see where this goes.

3548896 Well, I hope I don't disappoint then. :twilightsmile:

Alright, I'll bite.
+Loving the premise. Fits really well with these characters.
+You detail things in a way that doesn't bore me and also doesn't leave me not knowing something. Keep that up.
-Spike sounds a mite older than he's supposed to be. It's not a bad idea to make him more articulate than others his age, because he lives in a library (with Twilight of all ponies!), but try not to tread too closely to the out-of-character line. Spike is really often and really easily butchered in terms of character.
-Make sure to go over your story once or twice when you've pasted what you have into the in-site editor. Even if you've went over it a million bajillion times before hand, it never hurts to check. There are a couple of grammar and punctuation errors. (If you want to cut the guess work out, find a beta reader.)
Aside from that, I've got nothing. Too little shown to make any huge judgements. Keep it up.

“Spike.” I said quietly,

Comma after 'Spike'

but I’m sure that anypony --even the most elegant and astute of them -- could have one

You have a space on only one side of the first EM dash but on both for the second.

and my lips failed to utter a goodbye’.

You have a single quotation mark after 'goodbye'.

autumn afternoon -- heavy with the musk of fallen leaves and winter’s bated breath-- that Rarity forgot me

Again, spaces on both sides of the first EM dash and only one side of the second.

but I could sense her relief upon my arrival - however delayed it may have been

You only has a single dash in the EM dash.

That’s so odd.Perhaps she was just

Missed a space

I erased her memory.” she cried

Comma after 'memory'

Just a few things I noticed and thought I would point out.

I saw the name and was like "WAIT!" Then I saw I was right about what you based this on. Great movie. And despite that I have seen the movie, I am still intrigued. Not my favorite ship (only the second Sparity fic I remember reading (the other was one I edited)), but I like it. Good choice with the first-person, too. I also think these characters fit the story great and can't wait for more.

3551904 Thank you very much, I am glad you enjoyed it! :pinkiehappy: I was a bit concerned that Spike would come off as a little too articulate for his age, even if he lived in a library. In your honest opinion, would it help keep Spike in-character if his verbal dialogue was less descriptive and astute?

He may describe the sunset beautifully, and then go: "Yo, Twi. Where are the sandwiches?" :rainbowwild:

I'll keep the editor thing in mind as well. Thank you ever so much again!

3551974 Wonderful, thank you so much for providing examples. It is always so difficult to point out your own errors, even if you read it over and over, so this will come in handy. :twilightsmile:

I'm glad you're enjoying it.

3552093
I agree, which is why I am always happy to point stuff out when I have time. If you end up needing an editor, I would be more than happy to help.

3552127 Really? I have always wanted an editor, but my requests on popular forums around here always went ignored. :twilightsmile: Consider yourself hired!

Be prepared.

3552164
Woohoo! If only getting an actual job was this easy.:ajbemused: Just PM me when you are ready for me to get on the next chapter (do you happen to use GDocs?).

3552213 If only. :twilightsmile: And I do indeed! A new chapter may take quite some time, as my schedule is generally hectic this time of year.

3552226
'Scool. Holiday season. Understandable. Main problem GDocs gives me is when I convert it it likes to delete partial paragraphs. And adds odd spacing in place of indents.

Small, slightly insignificant thingy I just noticed as I added this to a group: in the character tags, you tagged Twilight. Shouldn't you have tagged Twilicorn, since she is an Alicorn in this?

why do i readthis and my gut twists in agony at it. I just hope something good comes of it that or spike goes pissed and leaves twilight for good... either one makes sense.

This story...has potential. Right now it's nothing special, but it could very easily turn into something grand.

So I'll keep an eye on it...for now.

In the meantime, I saw the other commenters' remarks about Spike in this story, so let me throw in my two cents.

Without knowing that Spike is the narrator, reading the first couple of paragraphs put the impression of a sophisticated, British-Accent person in my head. Doesn't really fit Spike as you imagine, even for being in a library. Sure he might have a bigger vocabulary but that wouldn't make his descriptions so...poetic. I suppose it's not much of an issue since it's only for his inner monologues and not his dialogue, but it's still something you might want to watch.

Alternatively, the Spike in your story could be an older version of himself, probably in his teens or something. But that's up to you I suppose.

3554710 Nothing good will happen. I assure you. :twilightblush:

3555125 Thanks? :twilightsheepish: I suppose I should take that as a compliment, but since I have neither impressed nor disappointed you thus far, I'll just have to see.

Yes, Spike is a teen in my story. That's what I've decided.

God damn it! You beat me to this crossover.
So the way I see it, we can either duel, or...
I shut up and follow yours.
I wish you luck, and I'm really looking forward to see how you do this.

3556807 :twilightoops: So sorry! I guess great minds think alike. It's up to you what you wish to do.

3559197

I may write something later on. In all honesty, though, I'm just glad there's someone else who knows what "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" is and also thought a crossover was a great idea.:raritywink:

3563364 Know what it is? I love it! :pinkiehappy: I'm glad someone else understands!

3563742 It's a great, sad movie. Pity, though. We both know this isn't going to be very happy for either of them.

WHY WOULD RARITY ASK TWILIGHT TO DO SUCH A THING ???? it would make more sense for spike to have this done, as it's his hopeless crush.

5942366 Fair enough. It was mostly done for the play on words, as well as plot points that would've been revealed later...

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