I am nothing great, just a pony who enjoys reading great stories and trying my best to tell some myself.
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Twilight fell in love with a stallion and when things happen and she was pregnant. He just left her standing there. Life has to move on and now she has an eight year filly. Time with her has been the best of her life, but the memories of her past mistakes keep haunting her in her sleep. Will Twilight ever move past this bad part of her life or will she let it hunt her?
Want to thank aquapunkchick for their help as a proofreader.
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Looking good. A few errors here and there but nothing too bad.
3030041
Thank you. This is my first try at writing a one-shot.
Just going straight for my feels aren't ya?
Just be sure to edit and revise your writing
that is always my biggest problem when writing anything
I did like the concept and storytelling, but I have to say, it had the horror movie effect, where most of it was build up, but then all tumbled together into an ending way too quickly. secondly, you could REALLY use an editor, I almost quit multiple times just because I was so overwhelmed with the spelling and grammar.
3030129
Yes, yes I am.
3031305
I know, my editor has been busy with other great stories out there. I hope to have it fix before long. I'm really sorry.
"Twilight fell in love with a stallion and when things happen and she was pregnant."
Oof! Right in the grammar.
OHHHHH!!!!! RIGHT IN THE FEELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
woops!
3869442
Thank you
I like the story very much but I didn't finish it because I kept stopping to fix sentences in my head. If your editor is still too busy I would be glad to edit this story for you.
3887589
Mistake Happen Thank you
It is a wonderful story, showing a side of Twilight that the show only lightly touches upon with Spike at times.
That being said, there are quite a few grammar errors that I'm sorry to have found quite frequently.
I say, you write a sequel and show us Redbook and Twilight going out again, and maybe bringing back Clever Spark for a little confrontation. That's just me though.
3983971
Thank you for your kind words. I never thought about that. Right now I am afraid that I might buck it up like I have done with my stories lately. Sorry, feeling kind of down about my writing.
3984017 Let me tell you, you're not the only one. I once read, that "all artists hate their work because what they make is absolute s***." In a way, a writer is an artist, and I keep going back to try and write again to fix my crap and expand upon it. Don't give up.
3984023
I will try not to, just hard not to just stop typing at times.
3984023
I want to thank you. I am rereading this story so that I can write another part for this story. So I'm making fixes to things.
3986166 It's not a problem at all. It really is a touching story. If you want, PM Me and I can run through it for grammatical errors.
Your choice, either way.
3986315
Thank you, I might do that after I finish my little check. I need to learn to do this. I want to become better.
3986342 Well, you let me know. That's something even I struggle with, but help is always good.
3986526
Help is always welcome. Thank you
I really liked this story.putting twi in a motherly role is. Something some struggle with. I had to. Think about a lot myself before I started writing my Fic where twi is a mother, but you pulled it off well
One thing I have to point out though is tense. It switched so often between past and present it became really annoying. Plus, grammar errors were all over the place.
This was a good Fic though. I enjoyed It and am sad there are no other chapters
One thing I did notice though, it would've helped if you had some more time while Twi was pregnant. That would have made readers feel more connected to twinkle.
By the way, you were really kind to twi. You gave her an alicorn for a daughter. That means she'll never have to watch her daughter grow all and die of age. That was a very kind thing to do
By the way. I noticed you put yourself in there
All in all, minus the grammar errors and tense switches,this was a very good Fic. I'm glad I favourited it
4107634
I first want to say thank you for the comment. Read it before going to bed. For this I started with a rough idea of a story and well this is what it became.
I'm still looking for help editing it. I just haven't been very vocal about asking for it lately. I might take another look myself and see what I can fix.
Don't be sad, You have not been the only one who has wish for more. And now that you got me thinking about it. I might make another story that comes before this one of when Twilight was pregnant with Twinkle.
I never thought of it that way. I just made twinkle an Alicorn because I thought that if an Alicorn was to have a child, it would be Alicorn due to that being the dom gene or some other fancy words saying that all children of Alicorn are going to be Alicorns. I guess I was nice without noticing it.
Yeah, I couldn't help myself. I needed another male charter and thought, why not let it be me. I'm not going to lie, I am like Twilight to a point. Growing up, the library was my second home.
I'm really glad you enjoyed it and hope to see what you think of my other stories and other installments of stories from this Universe.
I think you meant "with one sentence echoing in her sleep."
4613148
Thank you, it should be fixed now.
This story really could use an editor. The premise is very good, but the mistakes get in the way.
BTW, did Clever at least pay alimony, or did you let him get away with being scoundrel and happy about it?
4658225
I'm sorry, I been pushing getting this edited more back. I will sit down this weekend and read over it again. And I kind of just pushed him to the side in my mind. So I guess I just left it as he is a a** hole and let him be hated for being dumb as well.
Wait... Jews? Was that a typo? Cause I had no idea religion was a thing in this pony world... not to mention the fact that Jews are apparently sparkly now... huh...
8652679
Thank you for finding that. It was a typo. I did have a good laugh that it took so long for such a mistake to be noticed. Again thank you for finding that.
Why is Comedy the only tag that represents any genre? Shouldn’t there atleast be a sad tag? This is a pretty sad story afterall.
Really good story
Hope for a sequel?