Natives
"Oh, hey, next island, and there's a village!" Nadene called to my room over the PA system. It works like a normal PA, except magic currents instead of electric. I mean, really? So magic is basically their version of electric fields.
"Good, tell the core group to suit up. We'll go take a look." I put on my armor and headed out to the top deck, meeting my crew there, all carrying their respective weapons and gear.
"Now, remember, we're not looking for a fight. Don't draw your weapons unless we're attacked. We're trying to get a doctor, not scare them."
"So, we're going fully armed because?"
"Rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it. There's no telling how they'll react to having a bunch of foreigners here."
Leaving our ship in the usual method, this time having the crew stay on board, as we could just fly up instead of needing to walk, as Selma was not with us, we set off towards the village. Landing on the outskirts, we entered cautiously, drawing the frightened gazes of the zebras within.
"Well, so much for making a good first impression, they're already scared of us. Think it's because we're different, or because we're pirates?"
"HALT!" I spotted a pony, not a zebra, a pony guard walk up to us with his wings flared. His armor was bright and shiny. He was holding up several wanted posters. Guess who were on them?
'Shiny armor, either he just got a new set or he's new himself, judging by the way his knees are knocking, I'd say the second.'
"Beat it kiddo, we ain't here to cause trouble." Gilda scowled.
"As if I'll believe a bunch of pirates!" He lowered himself into a combat stance. Gilda was about to charge, but I held her back.
"Maria, here's a test of your combat ability. Subdue the guard." Nadene nimbly hopped off her ride, and the shy griffin stepped forward.
"Um, hi, um, I'm Maria." She dug her claw into the ground nervously.
"You're seriously sending a girl to fight me? I thought you were supposed to be big scary pirates, not wimps." The guard mocked.
"Oh? And what's wrong with being a girl! I bet I could kick your flank halfway across the ocean!" Maria got mad.
'Oho, so, she doesn't like the gender card. Let's see how this plays out.'
"Bring it on!" The guard was confident and began to snort.
"On three. And stay on the ground. It's more fun that way." I said lazily.
"One, two, three." Bored as hell. Let them go at it.
And they did. Maria dove claws first, and was met with a buck that grazed her arm. She lifted up his back legs, flipping him, only to have him flap his wings to right himself. His eyes opened in shock as the griffin pounced, he brought up his legs and they began a grapple, wings flapping in each other's faces, bludgeoning each other with them. Maria, being bigger and having better range, pushing him onto his back and held his throat in her claw.
"And ding ding ding, we have a winner. Alright Maria, put the poor sod down. Now then guard, I appreciate you trying to do your duty and all, but she's one of the weaker members of our crew. You can't hope to beat us. Besides, as Gilda said, we're not looking for trouble. Just passing through."
"Celestia damn it!" He stomped his hoof in the ground after Maria put him down.
"Whoa, dude, don't need to get so pissed off." He took off his helmet and threw it to the ground. We all just looked at his childish display.
'Seriously? A tantrum?'
"Seriously, cut it out kiddo, you're annoying me. We're way out of your league. Heck, at this point, pretty much only one of the princesses, a large number of dragons, or an army would be able to stop me, let alone my whole crew. Now, if you'll just get out of my way."
"Why are you so strong?" He asked. I just looked at him quizzically.
"Hate."
"But, what about kindness, loyalty, honesty..."
"Don't mean crap if you show them to your enemies, because they won't show you any either. The 'aspects of harmony' when among friends and allies make you a strong team, but, for individual strength, you have to have a drive. A flame that cannot be doused. Mine is hate. Tell me, what do you want in life?"
"Grif, I don't see why you're bothering with this loser." Gilda asked.
"Because, I was a loser once. So, guard, what's your name?"
"W..W...Whiplash."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear your name over the DRIBBLE coming out of your mouth. I'll ask you again, what's your NAME."
'Seriously, I don't know how this kid became a guard.'
"Whiplash sir!"
"I'm not you're drill instructor. Whiplash, tell me, what do you want in life?"
"I.... want to be a royal guard."
"What is in your way?"
"They said I wasn't good enough. Too weak, not enough discipline."
"So, how'd you end up here?"
"They said I should guard this zebra village to try and make me learn what it is to be a guard."
"So basically, you flunked out of boot camp, so instead of telling you that you failed and sending you home, they gave you some backwater post to make you THINK you were doing them a service. Pathetic."
"I know..." He hung his head low.
"And then you thought that if you could beat us, you'd be a hero, and get the respect you deserve." I didn't ask, I told.
"So, taking on someone way out of your ability, on the off chance you might beat them. Sounds like they were right about you. You gotta use your HEAD moron!" He just sat there for a second, not saying anything.
"So, you want to be a royal guard, but you are in your own way. You need to get your head out of your ass and......."
'Spider sense, tingling.... damn spiders..... okay, Griffin sense tingling.'
"Naruc, too wac merrrona!" One of the zebras shouted over and over running through the village.
"Shit! Cockatrice!" Whiplash yelled, then shouted something in the Zebrican dialect, causing them all to go inside their houses.
"What do you think you're doing?" I asked as I saw him just standing there.
"I have to protect the village, it's my duty. This may be some backwater post, but I'm still gonna do my job damn it." He charged off in the direction the zebra child had come from to meet his foe head on. My entire group facepalmed/hoofed/clawed/pawed as he turned into a statue mid stride. His rock form just fell over on it's side in the dirt.
"Well, should we go bail him out?" I asked with a yawn.
"Do we have to?" Trixie whined.
"He was a dumbass who got what he deserved." Gilda replied.
"Meh." Nadene and Maria said at the same time.
"He makes a nice looking statue." Growl added.
"He was whiny." Etch complained.
I looked to see the zebra child that had come to warn us staring up at me with puppy dog eyes as the beast closed in on us.
"Nope. Sorry." I turned my head. He really turned on the waterworks. He looked sadder than Applebloom when she thought Twilight wasn't going to stay for brunch. After all, this thing was probably going to turn his whole village to stone at this rate.
"Damnit." I gave a sigh.
"Alright, let's save this stupid village. We can't get a ship's doctor if they've all been turned to stone. Growl, you've got the best ears out of everyone here, and can tell where it is just by vibrations. Close your eyes and go kick it's scaly ass." He gave a grunt of approval before heading off to meet the mutant chicken thing. He walked up to it, eyes closed, and the entire village watched frightened from behind shutters and such.
"Bwak, BUGOOOOOCK!" The cockatrice shrieked as it charged. Growl was the epitome of calm. As it leapt into the air, flapping it's wings, the diamond dog struck out with his spear, impaling it's left wing. It dropped to the ground screaming as he drew it back and thrust it forward, right into it's mouth, goring it. When it died, Whiplash turned back into a pegasus pony, as opposed to a pegasus statue, and stumbled on the ground, trying to get up. Growl cast 'ignis' with the charged gem, cooking the thing on his spear like it was a roasting spit, before taking a bite out of the cooked meat.
'What the hell! Growl's a badass.'
"Growl, that was.... I think you forgot these." I put my pair of sunglasses over his eyes.
"There, that's better." He just shrugged.
'No! You look awesome like that with those on! Sometimes I swear my humor and style is wasted on these guys.'
"Wha... what?" Whiplash looked to see the tall dog take another bite out of the roast cockatrice.
"Ya dun goofed mah boi. Seriously? Didn't you know that they can turn you to stone with a stare?"
"Umm...."
"Never mind, don't answer that. You suck. Shimmer could beat you and she's only thirteen. She's a dragon, but, that's besides the point." He just grumbled dissatisfied.
"Whatever, just, direct us to a doctor who can speak the same language we do."
"I doubt you'll find anyzebra like that." He replied. Anyzebra? You've got to be kidding me.
"Why not?"
"Because most zebras speak their own language, which you heard earlier. Finding a doctor who speaks Equestrian in the isles is probably impossible." He explained.
"Great. So they all speak a different language. This is going to be a long trip. Searching every island for someone who speaks the same way we do AND is a skilled surgeon is going to be like finding a needle in a haystack in a field of haystacks. Might as well not even look. If my luck holds out, we'll just run into someone who fits the requirements." I gave another sigh.
"Screw it, we're not gonna find anything on these islands. Let's just gather up as much food as we possibly can on another uninhabited island, travel the whole route real quick, making note of which ones have loads of fruit, then hit the dominion, drop off our supply and initiate the next phase of the plan. As long as we have healing spells and potions, we should be fine for most doctor needs. Unless one of us gets shrapnel lodged in us and needs surgery, we'll be fine. Even then, I majored in biology. I could probably do it."
"So, wait, you're just leaving?" Whiplash asked as a number of zebra hunters walked by, obviously coming to kill the cockatrice which Growl had just finished eating.
"Yeah."
"You're not gonna teach me how to fight, help me get stronger?"
"Nope. You're on your own kid."
"But...."
"Listen, we're pirates, not heroes. We don't go around helping everyone along the way, we've got our own plans. You want to learn how to fight? Get the zebras to help you. Come to think of it, that's probably why they sent you here in the first place, it's not all that important, the zebras know how to protect themselves, you're just maintaining a presence here. They sent you here so the natives could teach you to buck up. Start using your noggin. THINK, and then you won't have to apologize to anyone, because you would have done something right for once."
At which point I thought of the 'Quest Failed' message and sound from Fallout 3 when you kill an important NPC.
'Wait a minute, I gave him advice. So, I may not get the big quest reward because I solved it with speechcraft, but who cares, there's nobody tracking my progress right? Right? I gotta stop doing this to myself.'
"So long Whiplash, if we meet again, try not to suck so much that you get beaten by a little girl!" I taunted as we flew off towards the ship. Most of the cats were sprawled out napping, as it was midday, and continued to do so as we flew over the village in our magnificent airship, heading towards the next island.
Dear Princess Celestia,
So, are Twilight and her friends home yet? I hope they make it home safe and sound. Who am I kidding, I know they do, I've seen the future, and they're all fine. Speaking of the future, at the national dessert competition, make sure to sneak a slice of cake before Pinkie eats the whole winning entry. I KNOW how much you like cake, and I'd hate for you to miss out. I'd tell you to save me a slice, but no matter how good it is, I don't think it's worth going to prison for.
I told Twilight how I perform my magic, but I didn't give her any of the specifics. I think she'll be really frustrated when she tries it and it doesn't work. I wish I could see her face when she realizes she can't research it.
I also like my new wanted poster. The picture is nice. I'm not sure when, but Rarity snapped a photo of me in my new armor. 4000? Celestia you flatter me! I didn't think I was worth that much. Then again, my crimes have been pretty minor compared to the other criminals I ran into. By the way, you're welcome, 21000 bits worth of vicious criminals are no longer climbin in yo windows, snatchin yo ponies up. Let's see, what else, oh! I almost forgot,
Have you ever seen a troll? I know for a fact one of them lives in your bathroom mirror. Try and find it!
Sincerely, The dashing rogue, Griffin.
Ps: Please tell me you hate spiders as much as I do.
He's climbin in yo windows, he's snatchin yo ponies up,
Hide yo foals,
Hide yo mare,
Hide yo foals,
Hide yo mare,
Hide yo stallion cuz he's buckin everypony out here.
575410 lol I'd like to see that
YAY. Letter to princess!
Griffiin The Pirate, ass hole by day........Even bigger ass hole by night beecause hes tired, and he gets cranky when he is tired.
I'd love to see Celly's reaction to Grif getting rid of 21000 bits worth of vicious criminal scum. Also, NICE TROLLESTIA INSERT THERE! Seriously, if she gets that, Imma laugh. Anyway, looking foward to the next chapter!
The pirates' interaction with Whiplash is basically an extended version of them saying (*imitates Australian accent*) "Harden the fuck up, Whiplash."
I love reading things like this where personalities of the characters line up with my own, it lets me get so much more immersed in the story.
That letter is awesome.
another great chapter
hahahaahah in the bathroom mirror ohh my perfect
Hmmm....
'Watch the skies yonder, be wary my friend'
'For the wings of change, are here to spread'
'Under Luna and Sol, your vision will turn red'
'For the Griffons have come, soon you be dead'
Not bad right? Something I just come up on the spot...You can add on to it, cant add more due to 'Liberated the chain, they have no law' feels like it doesn't fit.
Bwahahahahahahaha!
Nothing to criticize this chapter. All hail the return of troll Celestia letters!
Updaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
YAY
575410
nice one
Ahahaha that letter...
I was kinda hoping for some Zebra to join, but maybe you have a plan for that... Eh, who knows? Oh well, looking forward to the next chapter.
Poor Whiplash. Mmmmmm...Flame-roasted cockatrice: Tastes like chicken.
Nice reference in the letter. I too am looking forward to the next chapter.
I never dropped a comment, but i let you know: this is my favourite stroy of FimFiction. Keep it on!
Make whiplash sneak on board and join the creeewwwww.
He has a cool name.
trollestia gettin' trolled.
Lol, keep up the chapters
Now i'm hungry for KFC.
I just stayed up all night and read all 45 current chapters.
All I have to say is I fucking love you, BlackWing.
You write so perfectly, I love all your stories, and this is fucking amazing. I'm patiently awaiting the next updates, although I'll probably wait until there's five to read, because this kind of story I cant read one chapter at a time xD
time for schoo-UUUUPDAAAAATE
Well... Once you get the doctor you will need a little more help I'm sure... I dunno... Maybe they could just... Run into a... Black dragon, maybe?
Griffin... Is indestructible, determination that Is incorruptible,
From the other side a terror to behold, annihilation will be unavoidable.
Take a last look around, while you're alive, he's an indestructible, master of war.
Growl is so Badass
Moar please!
I am very much enjoying the story!
TROOOOOOLLLL IN THE DUNGEON!
... Just thought you'd like to know... *falls over*
man this was a good one, i love the letter hes getting a bit more bold whit hes inside knowledge, and "troll in the bathroom" lol
I cant help to love how he regards this whole experience as a video game or a movie, its awesome as long as you don't over do whit tons of random crap which you have not done, the random levels are perfect and you pulling it off superbly so far
One last thing, THANKS!! for not including that pony character in the crew, for a moment there i expected you to have him be a translator while they check all the islands but it's good to see they ditched him and are planning to leave the zebra land as fast as possible
575410LOL i didnt get the reference until now AWESOME
I noticed there has been a lack of troll letters. MOAR LETTERS!!!!!
I sicerely hope that when his bounty gets really high, he yells;
ITS OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!
I lauged so goddamned hard at the climbin in yo windows thing.
... XD He's a pegasus, right? Whiplash is just gonna follow them anyways, isn't he? Only one way to find out! ALLONS-Y!
Chapter 45 introspection!
>>Have you ever seen a troll? I know for a fact one of them lives in your bathroom mirror. Try and find it!>>
Celestia ups the ante: Neigh, I have not seen one, but I assume they look much like alien griffins.
Ugh, I'm halfway there, just need to keep going
Me: Hey Reality
Reality:Yes?
Me: Buck off for a sec I'm going to Equestria to see Grif..
What Cancks gotta stick together.
575410 Ahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha- I don't get it...
Here it is!
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fallout for the win
Is gonna be hilarious to see how Celestia reacts to this letter...
3715661 Dear Griffin, enclosed in this letter are bills for Twilights psychiatrist, failure to pay for them will result in things going bananas.
"Have you ever seen a troll? I know for a fact one of them lives in your bathroom mirror. Try and find it!"
4961268
My only response is .MOAR
I do hate spiders as much as, if not more than you. They're little demons in of themselves. Did you know they inhabit their own slice of hell? Its where I send my enemies.
Yay! Let's found a Growl fanclub! Who is with me?
Griff should've asked Cellie for a picture when Twilight realizes she can't figure it out!
Trollestia FTW!
6724564 sí senõr
lololololololololol