Can I Get The Number Of That Bus? (2)
Can I Get The Number Of That Bus?
"Ow." Feeling my body, it was pain. What happened? Punks on a bridge, net cafe, weird old man with no distinguishable traits, passed out. Okay, time to wake up. Move arm? Check. Move leg? Weird, but check. Now open eyes. I said open eyes. come on, work.....
"Oh hey, you're waking up. About time, I was getting tired of waiting." Hey, wait, I know that voice.
"I feel like I just got hit by a car." Really want my eyes open now.
"No, you didn't get hit by a cart. You're just an idiot who passed out in the badlands."
'Where have I heard that voice before? Finally! Got em to work.'
When I do eventually open my eyes, and find an eagle looking back at me. A BIG eagle.
"Holy Shit!" I jumped, and fell out of bed.
"Smooth move, moron." Taking a closer look, I saw that it wasn't an eagle, it was a griffin. Now I know where I know that voice from. Of all the people, or ponies, or whatever that I could run into, it had to be freaking Gilda. I cracked my neck, (yeah, I have a bad habit, so sue me), then by back, then my knuckles. Looking at myself, I didn't have hands, I had claws. Still satisfying to crack em though. Gilda shuddered. Apparently, I found her pet peeve. Mine is nails on a chalkboard. Wait a minute.....
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'Claws?! Why the hell do I have claws?' I kind of expected to have hooves. At the same time, I still didn't expect this to be happening at all. I put my claw on my head, then slowly turned myself over, and got up. I turned and looked at myself. I had wings, feathers. I also had fur, and my feet were now paws. And I had a lion's tail.
'So, I guess I'm a griffin too. Well, at least I'm not a donkey. Hey, this isn't all bad. I'm diggin the claws. Wings are also awesome in my book.' I felt stiff, so I stretched. Since I wasn't used to having wings, it took me a while to figure out how to use them. I tried moving my shoulders, arms, legs, and tensing the various muscles until I found some that I wasn't used to.
'Bingo.' I flapped them experimentally, flared them out, then tucked them in to my side neatly, enjoying the warm, fluffy, fuzzy feeling the feats gave to my skin. I'm fluffy!
'I'll have to thank that guy, if I ever see him again.' I was taking being thrown into a new world rather well.
'If I'm really here, awesome, if I'm dreaming, don't wake me, and if I'm crazy, I don't wanna be sane.' Then I noticed Gilda was looking at me strangely.
'Right, I'm checking myself out. Not strange behaviour at all *cough sarcasm cough*'
"You feelin okay?" She asked.
'Huh, so Gilda does care about other's. I better not let on that I know anything, I don't need to go breaking the fourth wall. Let's go with amnesia.'
"Where am I?" I asked.
"You serious?" She asked back.
"If I knew where I was, I wouldn't be asking you, whoever you are." Time for the duel of sass and sarcastic remarks.
"I'm Gilda, you better remember it. You're in the tail feather mountain range, in a little mud hole village on the edge of the Dominion-Equestria border." She replied.
"Dominion? Equestria?" I know what Equestria is, but I haven't got a clue about the Dominion, and I was playing ignorant.
"Come on, really? Are you that dumb? Who are you any way?" She asked, getting slightly annoyed.
"Griffin."
"Yeah, I know you're a griffin, I asked who not what." She was starting to get mad.
"Griffin."
"Your NAME dumbass." She was almost yelling.
"All I can remember is my name is Griffin. I guess my parents were unimaginative or something." I had just realized the irony of the situation. I'm a griffin, named Griffin. I had to make up a quick excuse.
"All you can remember? Amnesia huh. And yeah, your parents would have to be pretty stupid if that's all they could come up with." I didn't mind her mocking my parents. Personally, I think they're dumb too.
"Do you have a... umm..." I stumbled trying to find the right word on purpose, to sell the story. I may never be accused of not being a clever bastard. "A map! Yeah, that's it."
"Yeah, what's it to ya?" Gilda said in her normal bitchy tone.
"Because I wanna find out where the hell I am."
"Good enough." She pulled out a scroll. I had already gotten used to walking on four legs. I've been beat up enough to be forced to crawl, and this was actually easier since I wasn't in severe pain, and my legs bent the right way for it. I walked over, and took a look. It was a world map.
In the north east, there was a range of mountains labeled 'Dominion', surrounded by valleys. In the middle, there was the largest area, labeled Equestria. North-center was labeled 'Gem Fido' Which I guessed was Diamond Dog area. To the north-west was simply called 'Dragon Badlands'. Center-east was an ocean. Center-west was the same ocean. I guess it stretched all the way around the planet. South west was labeled 'Volcanic Wastes. Didn't sound too hospitable. Center-south was the 'Feline Jungle". I assumed some sort of cats lived there, well away from the dogs. South- east was 'Black Marsh'
'Like in the Elder Scrolls?' Now I was just being stupid. I looked for the tail feather mountain range. It was on the southern border of the Dominion, fairly near the eastern edge of the map. If she found me in the badlands, that meant that this was a complete world map, and it wrapped around. Sure, the mountains were near the border, but not that close.
"How did I get here?" It was an important question.
"Like I said, you passed out in the badlands, here." She pointed to a spot on the map. "I found you unconscious, so I brought you around to here." She pointed at the northern most mountain on the peak.
"Seriously, what were you doing there? Being in those badlands is dangerous. You'd make a quick snack for a hungry dragon." Gilda was all heart. I was about to say I thought dragons only ate gems, but then I remembered that Spike had hay fries once. Good thing too, because that would have blown my story.
"So you carried me all the way here?" Gilda started blushing. "Yeah big deal. And before you ask, I was there because I can handle myself, and I wanted to be alone. As for why, none of your business."
'Rainbow Dash. She's probably sore about that whole incident, and is beating herself up over it. Better let it go. Don't wanna open any wounds.' I looked at the map again, and found Ponyville. I figured I'd want to go there eventually, but as for right now, there was no hurry. I'd get there soon enough. Besides, it was on the southern half of Equestria. I'd have to cross half the continent to get there.
*Grruuuggggle*
'Wow stomach, nice timing.' I laughed weakly at Gilda.
"So, what's for eats?" I asked.
"That depends, you remember how to fly?" She had a habit of answering questions with more questions. Now that I think about it, our personalities are pretty similar.
"Nope, but I'll figure it out on the way. I may be an idiot, but I'm not stupid."
'Let her chew on that one for a while.' She just laughed. Well, let's get going then. Looking around, I saw that I was actually in a cave. Either griffins built their nests in caves, which is entirely possible, or the village was actually below us.
"Well, since this is pretty much a cliff, time to see if I can fly!" I jumped out of the cave. I figured my griffin brain would take over and let me fly. It didn't.
"YOU DUMBASS!" Gilda screeched. She dove after me, intent on catching me before I killed myself. I tumbled down the cliff a bit, keeping my limbs tucked in to avoid breaking them, before I landed on a dead tree, breaking it. It started moving down the mountain. The steep slope was not all rocky and full of pits and boulders but rather smooth stone, almost like pavement. How that was possible.... well, this is a cartoon. I guess they never animated the mountain details, except in 'Dragonshy'. Or is it? Maybe it's a real world that we just peek into on occasion? Not gonna go into that, don't wanna crush the broken remains of the fourth wall.
Anyway, I was still on top of the log, wrapping my arms around it desperately, now careening down the mountain. I just so happen to be an amateur skateboarder. I'm good enough to go down a steep hill without falling off, and a log was much sturdier than a skateboard, albeit more bumpy. I stood on it sideways, bipedal style, and ripped off some of the bark. I dug into the wood with my front claws for more stability, one in front and one behind. Now I could actually steer this death trap.
"Woohooo!" I yelled, experimentally using my new wings for balance. That made it much easier in all aspects, and also slowed me down quite a bit as I flared them out. Gilda flew down beside me, and looked at me like I was nuts.
"Well, that's got to be the dumbest way to go down a mountain." She told me once we reached the bottom. After being thrown off, I slammed my face into the dirt, and was still picking myself up when she landed.
'Legs, check. Arms, check. Wings, check. Face...... ouch. Nothing broken though. I guess I really do have a hard head.'
"Yeah, but if you can't fly, it beats getting pummeled by rocks." I said, lifting the log I rode as I coughed up some dirt I had swallowed, showing it's underside. It had been worn over halfway through by grinding on the mountain face.
"Fair enough." She smiled.
We climbed down the rest of the mountain, and found ourselves in a forested area. Gilda kept looking at me and smiling, or what I thought was a smile. It's hard to tell with just a beak.
'No way, is she falling for me? I wonder. Is just Gilda mean, or are all griffins? If that's the case, I'll both fit in perfectly, and am probably the nicest griffin she's ever met.'
"Hey, dumbass, over here." She interrupted my thoughts. I didn't care that she was calling me dumbass instead of Griffin. Honestly? It's not the worst thing I've been called.
"See that deer?" She was whispering. "Let's catch it."
"Let me guess, you're gonna fly over head, and I'm gonna chase on foot, driving it out in the open." I was whispering as well.
"You catch on quick for a moron." She teased.
"As I said, I may be an idiot, but I am by no means stupid. Just look at how I went down that mountain like a pro after plan A failed." She laughed again, then backed away before flying up, as not to scare the grazing deer. I looked up, and she signaled that there was an open field about 200 meters to the east. Since I was facing north, I had to circle around stealthily to the west. I pulled it off.
Another thing you learn when everybody hates you is how not to be seen. Avoiding bullies, running from bullies, fighting bullies. Yeah, that was my life. So, not only was I good at hiding, I was fast, a quick thinker, and knew all the weak spots. Not a bad skill set when you're trying to survive.
I signaled to get ready, and she started circling like the bird of prey she was. I crouched down like a cat about to pounce and moved in closer to the deer till I was directly behind it. I got closer still, and it still didn't see me. I got even closer, it STILL didn't see me. I took one more step, and stepped on a branch.
*Crack*
'Fuck.'
The deer looked up. I stayed perfectly still. It didn't see me, but it knew it wasn't alone. It was looking around, and slowly started to move. I pounced.
The chase was on. It was headed east, just as planned. Gilda was flying over head. She was fairly fast, and had no trouble keeping up. I was running about as fast as the deer. At first, it began to pull away as I hadn't yet figured out how to gallop, although it came pretty quick as my instincts kicked in.
'Oh sure, NOW my griffin brain decides to work. Where were you when I jumped off a cliff?'
The deer would quickly dart around pieces of bush and undergrowth, while I would just bash through them, not bothering with trying to go around. I watched how it moved, and used that to plan my course around trees and other, more solid obstacles. I was keeping up with it quite well. Suddenly, something changed. Everything seemed to slow down, I felt strong. I didn't even feel the pain from the branches hitting me. It was a feeling I knew all too well. A feeling that I had felt often when dealing with those worthless punks at school. A feeling I loved. Adrenaline.
We approached the clearing, but sensing the trap, the deer suddenly darted off to the left, and I followed in pursuit. It changing direction meant that while I was headed directly for it, it was not headed directly away from me. I closed in on it and jumped, knocking it over and pinning it to the ground. I held it's head down with my left claw, and it's body with my right. It was trapped, completely over powered. It looked at me with eyes begging me not to kill it. I drove my beak into it's neck at the base of the skull just behind the ear, killing it instantly.
I had never killed an animal before. The closest I had ever come was shooting a bow at a foam deer target. Although my eyes are bad and I needed glasses, I was an excellent shot, even better than my former friend who had been doing it for years, but stopped doing it after said friend abandoned me, just like everyone else. Still, I was a natural. As a griffin, I didn't have my poor human eyesight. In fact, since I was at least part bird of prey, I could see far better than any human could. I could instantly focus on anything, no matter how small, between on the end of my beak to over a mile away. It was freaking awesome to not have to strain my eyes. Gilda flew down, and was looking rather impressed.
"Hey, nice catch. Ya killed it already? Seems like you at least remember that. Doesn't look like you carved up the pelt any." She was rather happy that I had killed it, but at the same time seemed a little annoyed that she didn't get to. I felt really good with the whole 'hunter instinct' thing. Odds are, she did too.
"Yeah. Weakest point on a non armored body for a lethal strike is behind the ear, base of the skull. It's designed for movement, not protection, and so the skin is soft, there's very little padding. Severing the jugular or carotid artery is messy. The bone protecting the spinal chord has a gap, meaning the brain stem is unprotected. A single puncture will instantly kill, and sufficient blunt trauma will paralyze, possibly permanently." She seemed impressed by my knowledge.
"How do you know that? You sound almost like a doctor."
'SHIT, She got me. Think fast.'
"I don't know how I know, I just know. It makes sense to me. Maybe I was a doctor or something before I lost my memory." Truth was, I was studying anatomy in school, hoping to get a job in the medical field. They didn't teach that though. I figured that out all on my own. So, technically it wasn't a lie. I don't really like lying, but at the same time, I'm not just gonna tell her I'm from another dimension. I have to stick with my story.
"You have to be the strangest thing I've ever seen. Griffin, pony, or other." She was getting genuinely interested in me, and was losing her sarcasm. She still wasn't calling me by my name. I guess it's awkward. It would be like me walking up to a guy and saying 'Hi Human'. If A guy's name was Hubert Mann, it would be really weird.
"Yep, I'm not just your ordinary rabble, I'm a grade A freak." We both laughed at that.
"Alright, let's cook this sucker, I'm starved."
I was reading 'The Ballad Of Echo The Diamond Dog' and thought. An HiE, but he doesn't get turned into a pony, he get's turned into something else. Hey, that's not a half bad idea! I'm totally gonna rip it off, and give it my own flavour. So seriously, it's one of the few fics I like, go check it out. Thank's for the inspiration, I hope you don't mind. So far, I actually like this fic. I'm not gonna update Ascended as fast as I updated Monster, because Ascended is a sequel, and I have to make sure I didn't do anything I already did. I'll alternate between it and Griffin the griffin, taking time off one to write the other when I get stuck.
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Mmm..I'm starting to like this gilda
Like this, really like your others, and also a big fan of Echo.
How about Hugh Mann?
Yes, I agree; Echo is awesome. This story is good too.
274808
That's exactly what I thought!
Echo is awesome
...
...
... I wonder how griffins procreate...
485050
images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/21700000/-You-sick-bastard-nathan-young-21716124-500-282.gif
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery :D
not saying you're imitating though
but instead pumping out an awesome story, with its own twist :D
"I was reading 'The Ballad Of Echo The Diamond Dog' and thought. An HiE, but he doesn't get turned into a pony, he get's turned into something else. Hey, that's not a half bad idea! I'm totally gonna rip it off, and give it my own flavour."
lol,and an excellent job you did too
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I think the difference between this and Ballad is the love interest did not start falling for the main guy straight away or even got used to the body in a few minutes.
The other kill point is the juglier artery. The pressurized blood flow will make you exangiuate to death in about 2 seconds. If you can't get them on the head, try to paralyze them and just go for brutally murdering them with attacks down the neck and spine.
Hmmmm..... Why does Gilda seem more.... tolerable to me all of a sudden?
Obviously Griffen hasn't met the Mann family.
Shoddily written blatant wish-fulfillment, and given that it's over 200k words I'm sure it overstays its welcome.
Sorry to be a buzzkill.
Well DANG. There went MY HiE fic. I was gonna do the same thing, but make it a second person fic starting in Ponyville, but then exploring and stuff. (You know, Amnesia, trying to remember who you are, and all that crap.) Guess I won't waste my time on that, if THIS is here! xD
That author's note at the end explained a lot for me. The entire time I was reading (actually right after finishing Ballad of Echo) I kept thinking this was a rewrite with less grammar/spelling errors and a shit-bag protagonist instead of a stubborn gentleman. Normally doing revamps like this annoys me, but it's reached that level of different where the similarities are quite evident, yet it still feels like a new product. Achieving that alone is reason enough to read this, if only for educational value. You've just gotten a new watcher.
On a non-fanboy remark, Blast! My gryphon OC and resulting backstory are no longer original! My hipster-ness is ruined! I will be the laughing stock of self-absorbed douchebags everywhere! My cyber-life is over!!!
</sarcasm>
Chapter 2 note: You missed your chance to make us really hate Griffin!
>>>I held it's head down with my left claw, and it's body with my right. It was trapped, completely over powered. It looked at me with eyes begging me not to kill it. I drove my beak into it's neck at the base of the skull just behind the ear, killing it instantly.>>>
You should have had the deer TALK!! It should have said, "Please don't kill me, Bambi will be all on his own!" Then Griffin should have replied, "Tough shit, dinner. IMMA KILL YOU!!" THEN stab her beak into its brainstem!
Killing adorable talking animals is 120% guaranteed to make your character hated! Unless the audience is Cantonese. Because they'll eat ANYTHING. They're some freaky sick people, man. Eatin' live monkey brains while the thing is still screaming, chomping on live baby mice, throwing boiling water onto a donkey's legs and ripping its half-boiled flesh off while it's still alive. Sick sad world! Now, let's all share this nice bowl of toasted beetle grubs. (watches everybrony vomiting) Was it something I said?
Given in the show that even insects seem to show some self-awareness as far as Fluttershy's pet menagerie goes, I have to wonder what mental gymnastics griffons, dragons, and Diamond Dogs have to go through to enjoy their dinner without needing therapy...
255729 Ya she doesnt seem like a complete and total bitch, I hope its not going to change. (new)
Griffin: "Now I was just being stupid."
Me: Something tells me that comes naturally to ya...EYYYYYYYOOOOOOHHHHH!
evertime I see your pic and the way you usually one-line your comments it always seems sexual I'm not going after you or anything now its not but still I guess I'm just a bit sick minded sometimes 255729
Dear fucking god why are you using 'this' to indicate thought instead the industry standard italicization.
Also, you should treat thought like speech. Don't have a character think and a different one speak without a new paragraph.
I have read one chapter of this story so far and the best advice I can give is two things:
one: show more, tell less
two: combine some chapters. Seriously, This fiction is 100 chapters long and most of them are only 2-4k words. I have seen chapters breach the 20k mark and still be beautifully masterful, I would suggest just putting a page break or section break to show the shift of where the old chapters were if you decided to follow this humble reader/writers advice.
also, good luck with the sequel, I hear you are currently writing it.
1557229
The adorably sexual avatar probably doesn't help matters.
I don't understand why some authors don't put thoughts in italics. Please, reconsider.
YOU NEED TO PARAGRAPH BREAKS
we need fire lets go off of minecraft and find some gravel
flints love gravel
PHHH HAHAHAHHA
I AM TOTALLY NAMING ONE MY KIDS THAT
485050 *Slowly leans away*
485050 Their lower half is based on a similar form to that of lions, so they are probably viviparous rather than oviparous like most avian creatures. Also, this means that the males do in all probability possess both a scrotum and a penis.
Im liking this... it intrigues me. But ya combine chapters.
20,000 word chapters, gotta love diaries of a madman.
Holy shit
Being a predator has it perks.
I'm really starting to like a perspective from a griffon.
I think you ment my
Just like me, and I cracked my neck as I read this.
2606731 There's a guy I know called Colby Cocke, no joke. People mess with him telling him to name his kids Harry Cocke and Anita Cocke
I like Echo too, by the way get the author to update, im getting bored.
Wow, I like this guy already.
Bravo! Wonderful!
Amazing
I love it!
I look back and it is quite obvious how much you've improved. It's almost as drastic as Cyberfire.
4557115 I cracked my neck as I read this
Ah, good story that one. An excellent recommendation!
Why so many dislikes this is way better than the books ive seen with like 40 dislikes and 2000 likes
One thing I've noticed about your writing style, at least in the beginning of the story, is that it's very clipped and short. Reading it is kinda like listening to Mordin from ME2 and 3
7120222 Depends what yo been readin'.
Give me an example?
*Deep inhale- then exhale*
Man, it has been a long time since I last read this. I love how time can make old things seem new and interesting when enough of it passes by.
Forgot how fast paced this story was, and not in the action way. Constructive criticism only, it moves too fast. Two or three sentences and fifteen things have happened, haha.
God it's been a long time since I read this. Ah well, maybe I can delve back into it