Wub, Wub Slide

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Comments ( 9 )

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ShotgunNeko

ShotgunNeko #1 · Jul 26th, 2013 · · ·

I enjoyed the concept but u have some grammatical issues. You tend to switch from past to present tense and there are a few little mistakes like instead of vinyl saying "sweet" she said "sweat" or instead of saying "she" you used "her"....just a few minor things that a proofreader would probably pick up! If you can't find one then check the editors group on this site :)

Bloodmoon

Bloodmoon #2 · Jul 26th, 2013 · · ·

not bad not bad at all :)

fateswriter

fateswriter #3 · Aug 26th, 2013 · · 4 ·

she hurt vinyl. why, why i now you were hurting and afraid of the doctors visit but was this-this-this-this torture really neccesary. huh octavia if you trully love her than you would no bring pain, absent mindedly or not, to the one person in the world that sees you as not only an angle decende from heaven just for her. but as beauty itself, in all its glory only to fully show its self to her,in her mind, a low life mortal with not a care in or for the wold. one as infurior as her must be lucky no maximizingly bleast by the godess of the sun and moon that somepony such as her who would blind even the godessess by them merrliy glancing at her unearthly beauty to have met let alone love somepony as this. and i thought you were civalized.

Treelance12

Treelance12 #4 · Aug 30th, 2013 · · 1 ·

F***ing LOVE this story!!!! 10/10 Pinkies.

Reaps

Reaps #5 · Oct 18th, 2013 · · ·

Good job. Fix up the spelling and grammar a bit and this is an excellent story. Nicely done.

SolidFire

SolidFire #6 · Oct 27th, 2013 · · ·

Love the concept. Love Vinyl and Octavia a ton too. This could just use some major polishing and a purging of spelling, punctuation, and general flow errors.

~SolidFire

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