Sagami
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What a fun story! Definitely tracking this one.
8303236
Thank you!! First comment and it's a truly nice one! My ego feels good!
Gotta say, first chapter's got me hooked. Gonna follow this for sure
8303494
Thank you! Feels good to be supported!
Not gonna lie, it felt a little rushed in a few places, and I think you should make some distinction between thoughts and spoken dialogue that doesn't hinge on 'Vinyl thought' all the time.
'I write thoughts in my own stories like this personally'
Other than that, this story could be something good and I'm curious to see where it goes. Always loved the idea of Vinyl being mute.
8304336
I was actually wondering how to make the thoughts appear more clearly, especially after chapter two when a lot of chracters start talking...
An italic font isn't a bad idea at all, I might follow your advice and replace the "Vinyl thought" by this, these bothered me as well.
Concerning the "rushed" part, it is a feeling I had concerning the first two chapters, but I didn't want to developp too much into Vinyl's life before introducing the other characters.
Thanks for your opinion and advices!
Hope you'll enjoy the other chapters!
Saga.
Welp, I'm guessing Vinyl and her friends knows how to sign?
8308438
They didn't use sign language yet, but I introduce it in the next chapter ^^
This sounds really good.
I hope he teaches them about chaos theory
Interesting story so far. Definitely going to be following this one.
The cover image is certainly interesting. I'm positive that I've seen the style in which it's presented, but I honestly can't recall where I've seen the style before.
Well I'm glad I'm not the only one who wrote Vinyl speechless. I like what you have in here, but this chapter felt bland... Nothing really happens, but at least it establishes the characters. I like Lyra's and Vinyl's dynamic here. I'll keep reading.
Okay, this chapter is quite alright since Vinyl finally sees Octavia for the first time. BUT there are a lot of problems reading this. Your paragraph formatting needs a lot of work and a bit of proofreading. I guess the paragraph format annoys me more than anything else here.
Here are some other things I noticed
I'm not sure why you're using this instead of this [ hr ] page break.
Don't you mean Heartstrings?
It's supposed to be capitalized if professor is used as a title.
EDIT: I love your cover. Did you make it?
8309972
Hello and thanks for your comment!
Hum hum....
1) For the page break I just like to have mine, that's all
2) For Lyra, my bad, I'll change it.
3) For Discord, since it's a spoken dialog and not an official paper or anything, it sounds more natural to have it in normal size.
EDIT: 4) For the paragraph format, I'm still trying to find a decent presentation with chapter three. Once that's done, I'll edit the two first.
Concerning the first chapter, as I said to someone else, it's an issue I've been having after writing it, but it was mainly to set Vinyl's character, some backstory, and her current life. I think you see it more bland than others since you wrote your own Vinyl fic, but it's still an issue the two first chapters have. I finished the third one yesterday, and I can honestly say this issue is not present anymore, to my opinion.
The cover art was made by a friend of mine, i put her FB page in the story's description!
Thank you again for your advices and see you!
Saga.
8310016
Well, it may be speech on the word professor, but it's still written here as a story for people to read so it's still correct to write it as Professor Discord or Prof. Discord.
Hope I'm not being to insistent on this.
8310037
Nah don't worry it's always nice to have intelligent comments ^^
For now I'll keep it like this, and you'll tell me what you think of it in the next chapter where there is more character development okay?
Kisses.
Damn, Discord is amazing
I should learn Sign language too. After i finish school.
8316697
Of course he's amazing! He's Discord!
Seriously though, thank you!
Sign language doesn't require as much time as "normal" languages since there are no conjugaisons, no conjonctions, no plurals.... It really depends on your motivation.
So far so fucking good! Plus this kinda makes stuff relatable. I'm not mute but I might as well be 'cuz I never talk except when I need to. Keep up the great work, lookin' forward to more chapters!
8317425
Thank youuuuuu!!
Don't be quiet! Speak! Be funny! Laugh! Unless you had a really hard emotional event lately, you have no reason! I know that, because it almost happened to me, but do not trap yourself into this style. It may look "cool and dark", but trust me, when people know that you can speak and you just don't, it's no good for you!
Anyway, kisses,
Saga.
8317499
Actually I'm just a quiet person in general but my friends don't care and we still have hella good times.
Appreciate the thought!
Your loyal reader,
Dj DS
My friend is thinking about learning to Sign and I was thinking about joining her in that adventure. Love the story by the way! It looks like it is going to be quite cute so keep it up ^^
This story keeps living up to my expectations, even when I'm behind on reading. Well done.
8321490
Thank you! Hope your expectations are high!
8321200
You should! It's pretty fun!
And thank you!
Brilliant! I think you did a great job of describing the 'lonely and desperately wants friends but was taught not to' rich kid style. Fantastic job mate.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
Yours truly,
D.s
8332253
**Ego rate critical**
Thank you!! Love ya!
Saga.
Enjoying the story, looking forward to future installments.
Minor note; "How would she ever convince her mother to accept that? Vinyl, Lyra and Octavia were really nice to her, which was rare from her fellow students" I think you meant BonBon, rather than Octavia here :)
8333719
I edited this mistake, thank you for this and for your positive feedback!
This could be good.
Where do you take your name from, author? I live near Sagami.
8341942
Um, thanks?
My name? I don't even remember... I have been using it for so long.... But I know it means several things...
Octavia is so sheltered. I really worry her parents are gonna be a REAL problem later on. But with friends like Lyra, Bon Bon, and Vinyl, I am optimistic that she will end up ok!
I'm really feeling this!
8343576
Haha thank you for your comment!
They are gonna be a problem, more to come later. ^^
Very nice job with this chapter. (Like all the others :) Liking the story development and the slow, I repeat, SLOW. Progress of Tavi starting to have a regular human (pony-human? Eqg gives me a headache at times lol) teenager.
Looking forward to more chapters to come.
Yours truly,
D.s
And who's teaching the drama class? Chrysalis?
8351304
Hummmmm that's actually a good idea but since none of the four main characters study drama, I don't think it'd be useful to have such an important teacher for that.
8351314
No problem! Focus on the characters ye chose to write on and shift the spotlight away from the non-essentials!
All according to Her Majesty's Glorious Plan! BWUAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!
Also, favored and now keeping track of this story!
I kind of wanted to see sombra as a cooking class teacher
8351344
Ummmmm okay to everyone their fantasies I guess xD
(Just kidding)
Just making him a cooking teacher for the joke of "it doesnt match with his look" isn't something I want to do...
But nice idea though!
EDIT: And I also could say the exact same thing as the previous comment: none of the 4 main characters do cooking. Okay maybe Bon-Bon does, but she's not central enough.
I see what you did there. Now there's one PE teacher I wouldn't want to have.
I like this story so far, keep it up!
Yet another fantastic job, Mate! Great job describing the teachers and how Octavia feels about "exposure". I definitely like how you're adding more of a sexual humor to. Keep that up and you'll meet my standards of provocativeness ;)
Yours truly,
D.s
(P.s - Feel free to let me know if you think I should shut up and just read the story and stop commenting so much. Don't mean to bug but lemme know if I do.)
8351858
Haha man I love your comments! I already feel like I don't get enough feedback, so having yours every chapter is a blessing
I think the girls need to have a word with Discord, so he can have a word with Sombra.
8361692
Haha more Discord to come, he'll play his part ^^
Damn, Sombra's not big on the subtle, huh?
I'm surprised he's been able to keep his job so long. If someone acted that blatantly sadistic in class for everyone to see, then I'm sure he would have the whole freaking school report him for not only bullying, but also physical and verbal abuse. Bad teachers are one thing, but this character is a bit over the top in my opinion.
8362210
I've thought abou it but first of all, EG characters are too much to start with, and then I think we saw the incompetence of the two principals regarding issues like this (sunset shimmer in EG 1...). As long as he doesn't truly attack or threaten the students, his word will always be more valuable than a student's... Sad but true....
But don't you worry, I plan on giving him what he deserves at one point...
EDIT: I edited the author's note with further explanations, you should give it a look.
Bisous,
Saga.
8362813
You know Octavia has dark gray skin in Equestria Girls right?
8365469
Oops! I'm dumb! I'll edit right away, thanks!