Twilight Sparkle has earned quite a reputation in her young life. She's helped defeat Nightmare Moon and Discord, saved Ponyville from a rampaging Ursa Minor and a swarm of Pinkie Pie clones, authored the best-selling HUMAN trilogy of novels, and was recently crowned Equestria's fourth Alicorn princess. With so much fame attached to her name, it's no wonder she's offered the chance to adapt her HUMAN trilogy to Crystalvision. The question to ask is, how long will it take before the lavender princess cracks under the stress of balancing her royal duties with leading HUMAN's production? Probably Definitely sooner than she expects.
The first few chapters actually follow up the events of The Bold, The Brash, and The Beautiful, in turn setting up everything for the HUMAN sequel proper. Reading that story isn't necessary to enjoy or understand this one, however.
Good start. I only noticed a couple errors. Let's see if you can make it even better than the first story.
I was also the first to like :)
I saw that red bar, and I went
So I turned it green, and then I was
Nah, but in all seriousness, good opening. Your closing comments are also certainly suggestive.
As for errors, the only one I remember is this
Rarity then let out a cackling laughter
I'm pretty sure this should either be- Rarity let out cackling laughter
Or- Rarity let out a cackling laugh.
3086201 Thank you.
I believe the following addition should be implemented; before anyone can down vote a story they have to give a brief summary stating why they're doing so. Just to see how many dislikes should be disregarded as trolls'.
3086501
If only that was added, if only.
So he went from explaining why the Applejack's in a coma to proposing a new TV series?
That's especially dickish.
3086640 Wait until the next chapter.
T.V. Adaptions. Hell awaits... Twilight Sparkle.
I almost want to see this smug prick get blasted through a door for attempting to essentially bribe a member of royalty.
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Why I am tempted to down vote this story:
I enjoyed "HUMAN" and went to read "The Bold, the Brash, and the Beautiful" so that I would be up to speed for the sequal. I didn't enjoy the first chapter so I skipped to the end and found I didn't enjoy that either. This brought me in to "The Crystalvision Series" apprehensive that it wouldn't be like the story I had followed to its end, but like the one that I had skipped through. And my fears were played out. So far, as you had warned at the beginning, this is a sequal to BBB that will eventually involve HUMAN. It is not yet the sequal to HUMAN that people were expecting.
I don't know about your other readers, but I read HUMAN for the world building (and Lyra, if we're being honest). After the description of Hiddenite, all we had was a hurried recap and some overly dramatic acting (i.e."Violently" throwing open doors/ being "utterly delighted" when Pinkie is silenced/ freezing wide eyed, visibly shaking, and then letting out an audible gulp). I could continue, but I'm afraid of receiving a TLDR responce.
In short, get back to HUMAN. That's what we came for.
YES YESYSEYESYESYSEYESYESYESYESYESYSEYESYESYESYESYESYESYES
He's proposing business at a time like this, no doubt to try to save his company from the impending lawsuits! Unbelievable! Also despite his 'solemn' attitude, he hasn't even apologised to her! Now given the title of this story, Twilight obviously goes for this at some point, but I don't think she should agree to this idea until this prick if fired! Also she should yell at him a lot, and maybe blast him a bit.
Actually better idea, tell him to get stuffed. Then take his idea to another company with crystalvision rights. A company that supports the idea of crystalvision for the masses instead of just the rich, Twilight would prefer that I think.
3087097 I understand your worries, but hear me out before you down vote. First of all, TBTBATB occurs after the events of HUMAN By: Twilight Sparkle with AJ, Dash, and Rarity pooling their shares of the book's profits to visit the resort; it was even foreshadowed in chapter four of that story. When I thought up the idea for HUMAN's sequel, I needed a path of logic to follow for setting it up. Luckily, I'd inadvertently done just that with TBTBATB as DELOS would no doubt work quickly to save themselves, or at least their entertainment division, from shutting down.
Anyway, the point of recapping TBTBATB was specifically for people like you who couldn't bring themselves to read all the way through that story, so don't be complaining about it because otherwise you'd be completely in the dark as to what's going on. Last of all, rest assured that by the third chapter everything will come back to what made the first HUMAN so great, a little patience is all I ask for.
3086827 Indeed it does.
no it doesn't excuse what they did, twilight should still tear him a new one, eitehr she does or deadpool well!
.....who the fuck is pear?
3095200 A character from TBTBATB, however, he isn't important to this story.
3095246 ah kk
I'm still waiting for the HUMAN part to begin, but in the meantime I wanted to point out that companies only have one CEO. Also, even if a corporation is truly sorry for its gross negligence, it should still suffer a penalty for it. In Equestria this would probably just be paying the medical bills for those affected but some mention of retribution should be made.
3104452
If you read the A/N you'll know that starts next chapter.
*tornado strikes*
Gigh, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. In fact, I don't think we're even on Earth anymore. We're
, the magical land where hierarchies in both government and private enterprise work nothing like our own.
That goes without saying/writing.
Except it WAS mentioned, like, a lot.
Yes, and DELOS saved the princess' the trouble of condemning the resort by shutting it down themselves. Wasn't that considerate of them?
With this saying at the end that she's looking for voice-actors, I hav eto wonder just how long it will be before someone does an audio-read of this on Youtube. With different voices for the narrator, and characters.
3106669 More than just voice actors, actually.
And I'd be thrilled if someone did an audio reading of this at some point.
3105070
Now you've got me thinking about Equestrian office politics. How many CFO's, CTO's, and presidents do companies have? Who responds to the shareholders? What does CEO stand for here if not Chief Executive Officer?
Company Equine Overseer?
Corporate Egghead On-high?
Creepy Evil Oligarch?
3107299 All excellent questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . *walks away*
3107299I vote for the last one.
Twilight you blithering idiot, what are you thinking?! Ok kudos for being a mature mare and forgiving them, but still... These ponies, careful as they claimed to be, screwed up with complex technology once before. Now you want to trust them a technology that interfaced directly with a unicorns brain! Seriously that's asking for trouble, I bet the DELOS idiots try subliminal advertising and it all goes wrong resulting in mindless ponies that just want to buy DELOS stuff.
Also a few small points on this chapter. Sol Do is the only unicorn used to (or willing to do) labor? Are you implying that unicorns are lazy? Also Crystalvision nedding coloured light sources, including black? Black light? How does that work, black would be the absence of light wouldn't it? (Yes I'm aware of the UV 'black' lights, those aren't really black light, just light outside our perception, and completely useless for this application). Lastly while she was ranting to Mozier, Twilight spoke of her friend Applejack and the other victims, while seeming to forget that poor Rarity coped actual physical injuries. Had she fallen badly down that ravine she might have broken her neck or something. I know in the end it was just a bunch of bad bruises but still, Twi might have made mention of that fact, after all the Mind Crush spell wasn't really ever a danger to anypony. Well except for it being a bit unstable I suppose. That's another thing, Twilight mentioned the fact that she thought it was reckless for DELOS to give their robots the Mind Crush spell in the first place, she never brought that point up with Mozier, just saying.
3121694 Oooh, thanks for the idea. Now it's MIIIIIINNNNE!!! *insert non-existent Discorded Rarity emoticon here*
Out of the ones in Hiddenite, yes. Huh, I have no idea why I put that in; maybe I was in the same "Tao" state of mind as that one chapter from the first HUMAN. Regardless, thanks for pointing it out and I'll be sure to fix that. Rarity more or less did that to herself. Twilight never brought it up because she was too distracted by Mozier's proposal.
3122458 Well you can usse the idea if you want, I could see it happening. Also yes, Rarity did do that to herself... BY RUNNING FROM A CRAZED ROBOT UNICORN!!! Sorry, I just think the fact that Rarity could have been seriously hurt is just as important as a bunch of ponies who slumped to ground in coma's for a while. I also think it's worth mentioning because she was instrumental in destroying that thing, she risked serious injury to save everypony and herself from further harm for pony's sake.
Lol... that's what Twilight gets.
Twilight, you've been trolled!
NEW CANNON
BIG MACINTROLL
3151409
CANON ENEMY SIGHTED. FIRE THE FORWARD CANNONS.
...See what I did there?
3151679
.... well my face hoofs are not appearing for some reason
First, naked hairless Lyra... Crossing and uncrossing her legs... With no nipples... And this is supposed to be rated everyone?
Second, "I constructed him out of 'surrogate' flesh and blood using a spell of my own design". I'm not sure about your word choice there. The image of Twilight collecting flesh to build a puppet also pushes the everyone rating.
Beyond that, my finger is no longer hovering over the down vote button. You could have replaced the opening paragraph with the sentence "Spike entered the Library with a large box." but after that things started picking up again. In fact, with a throw back line about why DELOS is funding the series, you could have made this 'chapter one' and avoided my ire from the get go. I mean, what are the odds that the DELOS executives are going to be important later on?
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It helps to not go into details.
See above answer. Though, now that I think about it, saying 'synthetic' instead of 'surrogate' would be a more accurate choice of words. I'll change that right away; thanks for pointing it out.
You mean . . . exposition!? *head explodes*
Everything was going so well,
and then Twilight had a seizure.
I expected Trixie but got Iron Will! Have a feeling this is going to be awesome!
Ok, even though I know that the flesh puppets are the Pony version of Flash puppets, I can't help but think of the Psychos from Borderlands. They have an obsession with meat puppets.
the worst that could happen to the puppets is they gain life like a golem or glitch out but this is twilight work so that not likely gonna happen so no accidents to worry about unless there fowl play not likely! man i now wonder if all the race's find HUMANS popular?
now i wonder if ponies in the future are gonna what to market for these special human puppets? bet they have all kinds of uses from life size to toy size i bet it be popular since it be fully costume able! to creepy weird of an idea?
Okay, first let me just say, Spike is the worst psuedo-son ever!
Also I still don't get this whole flesh puppet thing, I mean, creepy. Seriously Lyra turned herself into a humanoid, wouldn't turning a buch of ponies humanoid be easier than this. Also their attitude is strange, Lyra is 'sick' for turning herself into a human, but flesh puppets are A-ok?! Really?! I mean let's not forget that Twilight herself has turned a bird into a mutant bird-orange thing okay that one was an accident. However she has also turned mice into horses, and she gave Rarity glimmer wings, is this really all that different? Just saying.
3197953
She turned herself anthro, not fully human like Twilight's flesh puppets.
3198934 Oh yes I know that, but surely Twilight or Lyra could modify the spell to work as a full human transformation. It wasn't that that bothered me as much as the attitude towards these things. You know flesh puppets are fine, but transforming into an anthro isn't? When Twilight transfors living things all the time.
3201803 It's different because Lyra is willingly turning herself into something she isn't. As for giving Rarity wings and the mice thing; 1. It was only to get her up to Cloudsdale and would wear off eventually. Besides, it didn't transform her entire body, just added something on. 2. From what's been shown, mice aren't sapient species in Equestria, so Twilight wouldn't have any reservations about using them like she did.
3202851 hmmm, yeah, I see what your saying. I still think their reaction was a bit harsh, sapient or not a transformation a transformation. Still, I wonder why nopony seems to be creeped out by flesh puppets, I know I would be. Well I guess most of them haven't actually seen the puppets yet though have they?
3202898 They understand the puppets are made of synthetic flesh. What would creep them out is if they got a look at what's inside them.
3202925 Oh yeah, what is inside them? I can't remember if it was mentioned.
3202930 It wasn't mentioned, and won't be for good reason.
3206003 Awww, so we never get to find out?
3206109 Strange, I didn't get this comment in my inbox.
Anyway, you'll get to see, just not in explicit detail.
3228155 Ah ok. Yes this site seems to have a number of technical issues.
3231384 What site doesn't? Still, FimFiction is the best place for MLP:FiM fan fics.