Vizit meh on teh web! Drax99.deviantart.com
Finally wanting to prove that her life-long belief in humans is valid, Lyra tries to summon one. It all goes horribly wrong when she ineptly summons a creature that cannot speak Equish, and scares the crap out of ponies. He instead escapes into the Everfree Forest to live among the other monsters there.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Random idea outta nowhere. Instead of loving and tolerant ponies, the human befriends monsters. Oh, and Lyra screws up a spell, instead of Twilight.
Also, this human is not a brony, and is a bit of a dick.
Ah. Another of THESE fics.
If this human is enough of a non-brony to make fan-fic's like this, then I'll take it
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1683076
The human is feared. Good enough for me. As long as no one likes him he's in his place.
Human befriends monsters of the Everfree.
...Should I expect Changelings in this fic? I mean, as far as the average pony is concerned, they are monsters.
Why isn't there any riften Guards in a story?
1683629 Mary Christmas.
Interesting. Not only is Lyra obsessed with humans, she has a human fetish? I restate: interesting. Wonder what direction you intend to take this...
Spotted quite a few grammatical errors, but very few in spelling. Good on you, but you should try and find an editor, or a beta-reader at the very least.
Also, noted a bit of the ol' 'purple unicorn syndrome' in the first few lines. Watch that. It can be a deal-breaker to a lot of people.
Good writing, overall. I could see it getting at least an A-, were I back in high school. Keep it up!
Well lets see what you did wrong here young Lyra;
First you kidnap a sentient being from god knows where without so much as a by your leave.
Secondly you proceed to perform questionable acts with his unconscious body.
Thirdly when he does wake up and is understandably upset by his new surroundings and his possible molestation by a fluorescent semi-anthropomorphised equine your carelessness with the wards allow him to escape, to almost certain death in the forest full of enthusiastically lethal abominations before any Deity you care to name.
Alright, faceplaming at Lyras' mishaps aside the story does have potential as an a spin on the anti-brony in Equestria cliché, that Lyras' eagerness would lead to such mistakes does fit in with her common characterization and works well as a plot point. The human will of course been as an outsider by the ponies and Lyra may or may not be so eager to reveal he mistake, meaning that he will have little choice to attempt to seek assistance elsewhere, the average human is not well suited to a life without technology after all.
I will be interested to see how this human will be able to forge an alliance with creatures that see him as dinner, and presumably cannot speak the same language.
Awaiting the next installment
BlackWinter
He must have pledged at a real shitty frat if that was his first time making out with a horse.
You have most certainly gotten my attention, though I question why he would randomly start screaming... spoilers?
Also, Lyra needs to calm her shit down...
My interest has been piqued.
This is quite interesting.
1683759
So yea, look forward to a complete revision when he finally does get done!
This is why friends don't let friends write drunk.
Seriously, I didnt even proof it myself, just handed it to my friend to edit, and when he said he was done, I fixed the errors he found and hit publish. And then the next day he tells me he is still working on it...
As for the purple unicorn thing, my editor said the same thing And I was totally
? After he explained wtf that meant, I laughed. In this case it was intentional. I tend to think of my stories in terms of cinema, with scenes, open and closing effect and all that. So since we are starting the story in the middle of a scene, we start with what you can see, and let the dialogue supply the details. In this case, the characters were seen, and they tell you their names.
1683774
I have plans... Trust me, most readers are not gonna like this guy, at least not at first. He's a dick, and he knows it, but he admits its mostly for show. He's still friends with the weirdos, and even calls them the Breakfast Club. I am basing him off one of my own friends, who is seriously anti-brony. And no, I am no self inserting as the token brony friend, although some of his character is based off another brony friend.
There will be a language barrier, and I am debating on either a long term "Enemy Mine" teaching montage, or some quick fix like a communicator. He's gonna be teamed with Iron Will, who is on a hunting trip to get away from the "Candy-ass cud-chewin ponies". He starts befriending monsters, instead of ponies and such. His macho attitude helps with that.
1683965
Waking up naked, with a hangover, kissing one is bound to ruin anybody's morning. Two words: Hay breath
Ok, my editor made a new pass and we hammered out more problems. Here's the final draft!
Yay! Something that's not like everything else!
>Doesn't speak language, as you would expect?
Yes, awesome.
>Understandably thinks it's not real then freaks out?
Yes, more awesome.
>Lyra being adorkable?
Yes, not unique but still awesome.
>Human is not a "brony" or from an existence where the show doesn't exist?
Possibly, super awesome depending on future.
Not enough to determine if worthy of a Fav or Like, but will keep an eye on.
1698675
Now that's just fuckin creepy...
good job and keep it up...............that is all
Can't wait for the next chapter! :D
Well Richie is not totally a Dick.
love you to horny. ..........................................................................wat?
Ahh, young lesbians in love. And pet names. lol.
I'd like to take this moment to make a drunken reply to all the readers that think Richie is too much of an asshole, and swears too much.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/12/13/181708__safe_spike_edit_vulgar_hurricane+fluttershy_middle+finger.jpg
It's intentional. If you like him, I screwed up.
1797136 ...Your picture doesn't show...
3906496 Fixd
3907721 Isn't that technically his first finger? I mean, he only has four...
Continue pls.