//------------------------------//
// Panic Performance Art 
// Story: HUMAN: The Crystalvision Series 
// by Razalon The Lizardman 
//------------------------------//

	"Okay, Spike," Twilight said, pointing a casted hoof toward her desk. "Let's triple check the checklist."

It was the day before the deadline DELOS gave Twilight to assemble a cast & crew for HUMAN's Crystalvision adaptation. After scouring Ponyville for potential recruits to both, they felt confident enough horsepower was at their disposal for production to start in earnest the following day. Of course, that was assuming nothing had been overlooked on the checklist.

"Sure thing," Spike replied, snatching the checklist off the desk.

"Alright, item #1; script writers."

Spike scanned the top of the parchment. "There's seven total: Lyra Heartstrings, Written Script, Sweetie Drops, Silver Tongue, Zecora, and ourselves."

"That should be enough," Twilight mused. "Item #2; technical support and cinematography."

"We've got enough of that," Spike said without even looking at the checklist. "No doubt."

"Indeed we do," Twilight replied. When DELOS shut down its resort, every technician who hadn't quit in response worried they'd soon be laid off. But management didn't lay them off, knowing their technical skills would undoubtedly prove useful in producing Crystalvision, and even gave them all compensatory bonuses for all the time they were comatose. As a result, Twilight now had a technical crew of over 30 earth, unicorn, and pegasus ponies under her command. All they needed was a crash course in flesh puppetry and they'd be good to go.

"Item #3; voice actors."

"We have a total of six primary and four secondary VAs." Spike looked at the names. "Big Mac, Pinkie Pie, Flitter, Caramel, Golden Harvest, and Thunderlane are the primarys while Noteworthy, Ditzy Do, Fluttershy, and Pokey Pierce are the secondarys."

"That should be enough," Twilight mused once again. "Item #4; aesthetics."

"We've got Rarity for costumes and *sigh* Discord for sets & props." Spike looked up to her. "Are you absolutely sure we need him for this?"

Twilight furrowed her brow. "I don't like it either, Spike, but giving him this job makes the most sense."

"That reeks of irony," Spike commented.

"I know," Twilight replied. "Item #5; music."

"Vinyl and Octavia," Spike said without hesitation.

"Then it looks like we're all set to begin production . . . I hope."

Spike looked curiously up at Twilight. "What do you mean?" he asked her.

"Well," Twilight lightly tapped her forehead with a non-casted hoof, "I can't help but feel we've forgotten something important . . . wait a minute." Twilight shifted her gaze to the checklist, thereby showing Spike the look of utter panic in her expression. "Who'd we get to direct everypony?"

Spike raised a quizzical brow. "Isn't that your role?"

"I'm the showrunner," Twilight clarified. "I direct the writers, not the technicians; who'd we get to do that?"

Spike looked all over the list. "Ummm . . . no one?"

Twilight froze. The weight of what Spike just said came crashing down unto her like an anvil, to which she went into full blown panic mode. They had to start production on HUMAN tomorrow and the absence of a director would only cause confusion and delay. And if there was one thing Twilight feared more than fear itself, it was tardiness.

"NO ONE!!!?" Her mane began curling out of place. "Oh, this is bad. I need a full cast and crew by tomorrow if production's to run on schedule."

"Can't you fill both roles?" Spike asked while he cautiously approached his pseudo-mother. "After all, isn't it a princess' job to 'direct' their subjects anyway?"

Twilight attempted her breathing exercise to calm down, over and over, but failed to suppress her growing panic while her mane kept uncurling. Suddenly, her body began fidgeting uncontrollably. It started out small, but Spike watched the convulsions grow in intensity until, eventually, Twilight was flopping around on the floor of Golden Oaks like a fish out of water. Spike forgot his question as he stared in horror, and slight amusement, at the new panic symptom on display in front of him. His mind raced with thoughts of what to do.

Twilight needs help! But this is too amusing to end right now. She could end up hurting herself, or more ponies again. But can this really escalate into a Smarty Pants-esque incident? She might use a spell to force somepony to be her director. Does she even know a 'mind control' spell? Does such a spell even exist? Well, there's changelings, but Twilight doesn't know their magic. Hmm, she's still going at it; maybe I should just let her tire out. Yeah, that's probably the best course of action; I'll intervene if she snaps completely. Now, where's that popcorn at?





The time was 6:00 p.m. All across Ponyville, ponies began returning to their homes from work. The streets slowly emptied while the sun neared the end of its descent. By the time Celestia was ready to set it below the horizon to make way for Luna's moon, the streets of Ponyville were all but deserted. Only a small number of ponies remained outside, either chatting or sweeping their doorsteps. One group, however, was out in the street itself, making its way toward Golden Oaks. Said group was comprised of everypony who'd agreed to voice act for HUMAN. They were visiting Twilight to reaffirm their HUMAN work schedules and make absolutely sure they didn't overlap with their regular work schedules.

"Strange," Thunderlane mused to himself as the group neared the library.

"What's strange?" Pinkie Pie asked, falling back to trot alongside him.

"Twilight Sparkle's become a princess, yet the only thing she's in charge of right now is a show series for a pastime used only by their majesties and DELOS." He sighed. "I certainly hope Princess Celestia didn't crown her student for shallow reasons."

Pinkie giggled. "Oh, didn't you know? She was crowned princess because Hasbro wanted adverts of their Alicorn Princess Twilight toy."

The group stopped in its tracks and stared dubiously at her. "Pardon?" Pokey Pierce said.

Pinkie giggled again, then continued on trotting. "Oh, that's just my headcanon talking," she replied.

Everypony else continued to stare at her as she trotted on ahead of them. Eventually, they all broke out of their stupor and continued onwards as well.

Golden Harvest turned to Fluttershy. "Is it hard being her friend?" she asked the butterscotch Pegasus.

Fluttershy smiled. "Sometimes, but things never get out of hoof."

"Good to kn-"

"WOOOAAAH!!!"

Everypony turned their gaze back to Pinkie in front of them. The pink mare's body was twitching all over extremely violently. She'd stopped in her tracks and sprawled herself belly first onto the ground to stifle the twitching's intensity a little bit.

"What's your Pinkie Sense telling you?" Ditzy asked.

Pinkie got to her hooves and fought with all her strength to keep herself rooted in place. "It's a doozy," she replied. Suddenly, the twitching stopped leaving Pinkie slightly disoriented, but still able to speak clearly. "And it's happening at . . . GOLDEN OAKS!!!"

Not another word was said. Everypony quickly closed the distance between them and Twilight's home. They didn't bother knocking; Big Mac lightly tapped a hoof against the door causing it to swing open. They all rushed inside to find quite a bizarre sight. In front of them was Princess Twilight convulsing on the floor while Spike was busy munching on some popcorn off to the side.

He turned to the new arrivals. "Oh hi," he said. "Whatever you're here for, think it can wait?"

Flitter pointed toward Twilight. "What's wrong with her highness?"

Spike sighed. "It's like this," he said. "We were triple checking our checklist of HUMAN cast and crew when Twilight realized she forgot to recruit somepony to be the director. Since the deadline is tomorrow, well . . . get it?"

After a moment of comprehension everypony nodded in understanding. They all turned back toward Twilight with worried expressions, save for Pinkie whose face adopted a look of realization upon being told what triggered her Pinkie Sense. By now, Twilight's convulsions had lessened in intensity, allowing Spike to safely approach her. What he did next would've horrified everypony present under normal circumstances, but with Twilight's panic putting her health in jeopardy no objections were made when Spike grabbed Twilight by the neck and proceeded to slap her right upside the head.

"AHHH!!!" she screamed, coming back to her senses.

"Are you okay now, Twilight?" Spike asked, genuinely concerned for her.

Twilight rubbed her face with a casted hoof and shook her head a few times to get the stars out of her eyes. "Yeah, I am now." She stood up and smiled at him. "Thanks for snapping me out of it before I went crazy again."

Spike returned the smile. "Happy to help."

Twilight then turned toward the new arrivals. "Sorry you had to see me like that," she said ashamedly. "Promise you won't tell anyone?"

Instinctually, everypony turned to Pinkie Pie who proceeded to act out a Pinkie Promise for the lavender alicorn, to which they all repeated. When finished, Twilight breathed a much needed sigh of relief and looked back to them.

"So, what brings you all here?" she asked.

"We came by to discuss the timetables for our HUMAN schedules and how they related to our normal work ones," Ditzy explained while her crossed eyes tried, and failed, to focus on Twilight.

"But," Caramel spoke up, "Spike said something about not having a director?"

"Indeed," Twilight replied with her mouth set in a grim line, "and without one it'll be nigh impossible to begin production on the show as scheduled, which won't sit over well with DELOS, or me as you just saw."

"Why can't you be the director?" Pinkie asked, her head tilted. "After all, you've done such a wonderful job of leading Winter Wrap Up ever since you moved to Ponyville."

Twilight sighed. "Truth be told, I could fill the role myself. Indeed, I need to train DELOS' technicians in how to use those human flesh puppets." She shuffled her hooves a bit and looked downcast. "But the last thing I want is to have to direct everypony on set by myself. It's not like Winter Wrap Up where there's a small hoofful of groups, each with a lead pony for guidance, and all I have to do is make sure everything stays organized. As director I'd have to personally oversee the activities of over thirty ponies, something I can't manage by my lonesome; I need help."

"What kind of help?" Golden Harvest asked.

"It'd need to be somepony with good charisma, strong vocal cords and, preferably, can use body language to provide reference for the puppeteers." Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin as she pondered. "Now, who possesses those attributes and is likely to accept the position?" Twilight rubbed her temples while racking her brain for names.

"Twilight?"

Everyone turned to Fluttershy, who now stood at the front of the group with a hard smile on her face.

"Yes, Fluttershy?" Twilight asked.

"I know someone just like that."

"WHAT!!!?" Twilight shouted as she sped right up to Fluttershy's face in excitement, causing the butterscotch Pegasus to squeal in fright and backpedal a few steps. "Who is it? Where do they live? Are they available on such short notice? TELL ME!!!"

Fluttershy could only cower in response to the over influx of attention she was receiving. She curled herself up in a fetal position and whimpered. Twilight immediately recomposed herself and stepped away from Fluttershy while everyone else facehooved. A slight blush to her cheeks, Twilight cleared her throat and spoke more calmly.

"Sorry, Fluttershy," she apologized. "Would you be so kind as to tell me who this pony is?"

Fluttershy wearily got back to her hooves and spoke.

"A-actually, they aren't somepony."





The time was 9:00 p.m. Luna's moon hung proudly in the sky. The nighttime air hosted a cacophony of natural sounds ranging from crickets chirping to howls of wind sounding through gutters on homes. Regardless, and needless to say, the aura around Ponyville this night was calm and peaceful. Of course, this could've simply been a result of nopony being outside because they were fast asleep. Only Twilight and Fluttershy, still at Golden Oaks, remained awake. Spike had gone to bed while the rest of the group left after being assured everything would be alright. Despite Fluttershy's assurance, however, Twilight couldn't help but worry for the success of this last minute recruitment. She especially hoped he hadn't been interrupted from sleep by the guards sent to retrieve him. The two mares were sipping tea in the kitchen when a knock at the front door was heard. Twilight set her tea down and proceeded to open it.

"We've retrieved the subject," spoke one of the guards as he gestured to the carriage behind him, along with the 'subject', who spoke up himself.

"Iron Will's too tired to shout his offense."

The guards did and said nothing while Twilight smiled and turned back to them. "Thank you sirs," she said, "this shouldn't take more than a few minutes."

They nodded and proceeded back to the carriage to wait. Twilight gestured for Iron Will to come inside. The minotaur took lumbering steps forward as he tried to keep himself balanced despite his tired state. Hoping to get on Iron Will's good side, Twilight let him use her wings for support while he ducked his head to pass through the front door. She showed him a nearby seat and helped him get comfortable before using her magic to shut the door. It was then that Fluttershy entered the main room from the kitchen.

"Hello, Iron Will," she said to him.

Iron Will lifted his drooping head. "Oh, hi Fluttershy." He stifled a yawn and looked to Twilight. "Whatever you need, princess, can't it wait until morning?"

Twilight took a seat across from him while Fluttershy positioned herself between them; reason being so she could quickly break up any shouting contests that arose between the two before they woke up all of Ponyville. While Twilight insisted she could manage things herself, Fluttershy knew the lavender princess and the self help guru both possessed strong charismas that she feared would clash violently. To that end, Fluttershy drew back to the lesson in assertiveness management she learned the last time Iron Will visited Ponyville so she wouldn't be intimidated to intervene in case they went at it.

"No, it can't," Twilight replied. "Would you rather me explain through written or spoken words?"

"Iron Will's ears are more awake then my eyes," he replied, slightly nodding off before catching himself. "So, what's happening that's so urgent it couldn't wait until morning?"

Twilight cleared her throat before speaking. "As I'm sure you know, DELOS shut down their vacation resort after the incident, to which they needed a replacement venture and asked me for help. Have you read mine and my friends' HUMAN trilogy?"

Iron Will nodded. "Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"A lot, actually." Twilight levitated the last contract from her desk nearby and over to the sleepy minotaur. He snatched it from the air and briefly looked down at it before glancing back up as Twilight continued talking. "Ever since DELOS publicly apologized for their gross negligence, I've been putting a production team together to adapt my HUMAN trilogy for Crystalvision. All I need now is a director, and Fluttershy recommended you without hesitation."

Iron Will turned to the butterscotch Pegasus, who shrunk back a bit under his gaze. "Why?" he asked.

Fluttershy was tempted to use her mane to curtain her face from view, but steeled her resolve and answered in a moderately hard tone. "Because you're perfect for the job, and I wanted to quell Twilight's panic over being tardy with production."

Iron Will raised a curious brow and turned back to the lavender princess. "You panic ov-"

"Anyway," Twilight interrupted, "it's my understanding that your methods of teaching ponies to be assertive have recently come under scrutiny from the public. Now, I personally have no problems with you in that regard, but it seems that ever since your last visit to Ponyville business has deteriorated. Is this true?"

Iron Will sighed. "To an extent, yes. But Iron Will won't readily give up his job as self help guru without hard evidence that it's for the best."

"Well," Twilight replied, "read that contract if you want an answer, because what's best for anyone is a matter of their own opinion."

With another, more tired sigh, Iron Will began reading the contract. Every now and then Twilight would use her magic to help him stay awake when he began to doze off. While reading, even though they were only half focused and not very expressive as a result, Twilight was sure she saw skepticism in Iron Will's eyes. When at last he finished, he set the contract down next to him and returned his gaze to her.

"As much as Iron Will likes the terms," he said, "I'm still not convinced it's my best option."

Before Twilight could respond, Fluttershy spoke up.

"Please, Iron Will; Twilight doesn't have any other options at this point." She got up out of her seat and flew over to him. She rested a hoof on his shoulder as she continued. "Even though things didn't work out between us the last time, I attended your seminar because I needed your help. Now, it isn't just me that needs your help, or just me and Twilight; everyone who's part of HUMAN's production needs your help, Iron Will. And believe me when I say your methods are just what we're looking for this time."

Fluttershy retracted her hoof as Iron Will brought a hand up to his chin for support while he mulled over her words. Across from him, Twilight studied his face again and was pleased that Iron Will seemed more receptive this time around. Her assumption was confirmed when Iron Will spoke again.

"Iron Will always fantasized about getting paid to shout orders." He smiled and picked the contract back up. "I'll do it, your highness."

Both Fluttershy and Twilight squeed in delight as the lavender princess levitated a quill over to the minotaur. He snatched it from her magic grasp and hurriedly signed his name on the bottom line, completing the deal and HUMAN's production staff in turn. He then handed both back to Twilight, who breathed an enormous sigh of relief and was about ready to burst with excitement, but kept herself composed for her guests.

"Thank you very much, Iron Will," she said, "now let's get you back home."

"There's a problem with that, princess," he replied.

"What?"

"Iron Will dead bolted his front door before coming here."

". . . So?"

Suddenly, Iron Will fell forward onto the floor. Both mares jumped back in surprise and were about to panic when they heard a muffled snoring emanating from him. Fluttershy tentatively stepped forward and nudged Iron Will in hopes of waking him up, to no success. Mulling over what he'd just said, Twilight groaned when she realized what his implications were, and even more at what she'd need to do about it.

"Fluttershy?" she said.

"Yes?"

"I'm going to tell the guards outside to come back in the morning." She trotted toward the door. "When I come back, can you help me set up the guest bed downstairs before leaving?"

Fluttershy tilted her head in confusion. Then realization dawned on her as well and she nodded.

"Sure thing, Twilight."

"Thanks." Twilight opened the front door. "Tomorrow's bound to be hectic, so I'll need plenty of rest in preparation for it."