It only gets weirder-er

by Aiet

When a man loves a pony

I woke up alone, which happens often and makes me sad but this time I was full of joy. I sat up and looked around the hotel I was in with Lyra for our honeymoon. She was no where to be seen and I took this chance to tear the hell out of there. I got dressed back in the tux, sloppily, and made a break for it. Turns out I was still in Ponyville so I just went strait for the tree house. I looked all around as I ran but still no Lyra. I made it inside and was greeted by Travis.

“Hey bud, so what happened the other day?” he was sitting on the couch with a book in hand and I trudged over to him and sat next to him.

“I got married.” he gave me a puzzled look.

“To?” I took a deep breath.

“You know Lyra?”

“Yea-oh. Damn... so what happened?” This asshole, I still can't figure out how she didn’t see him.

“She drugged me twice and the first time she thought she killed me. I woke up in a hole as she was throwing dirt back over me. And now we're married. So... how have you been?” he gave me a worried look and answered me.

“Well pretty good. Ah've been helpin' the Apple's harvest and they even been helpin' me fixin' my truck.” stupid piece of shit, that thing needed to be junked.

“So you've been having just a perfect Brony time.”

“What's a Brony?” we both jumped and looked around to find Pinkie Pie in the room with us. Travis looked like he had been caught with his hand down his pants (again) but I just spoke calmly.

“It's a guy that likes ponies.” she thought about it then smiled.

“Okie dokie lokie.” then she hopped off to the door and left. Travis took a sigh of relief and I just sat back.

“Where's Twilight?” Travis went back to his book and answered me.

“She left to go get something or another. She'll be back soon.” that's nice. I wonder where Lyra is? It's not that I care about her I just want to make sure I was safe. I went to the bathroom and got out of the tux, underneath was my normal clothing. It's weird how I always have them on and they are clean. Coming out the bathroom I noticed Travis was gone and everything was quiet, almost to quiet. I didn't like this at all. I knew I might regret it but I quickly turned around to find... nothing. I looked around some more and saw no one at all. I could have sworn it was Lyra again but no one was here but me. I shrugged my shoulders and decided I would take another nap, so I went to lay down on Twilight's bed. Maybe if I was lucky something would happen and I would be awake to remember it this time.

“See here's the other one like Travis."

“Wow he's big.”

“And a little fat.” it was three different voices and the last one sounded a little tom boyish, the one that called me fat. Now I know I was fat but to call someone fat while they are sleeping and you're in the same room with them is a little messed up. I opened my eyes and sat up to be greeted by six adorable stares. It was the Cutie Mark Crusaders and how they got in I don't know.

“Fat am I?” Scottaloo looked at me sheepishly with a blush and the other two giggled. Then I heard something like dishes being set down.

“Girls time for lunch.” it was Twilight who was calling out. The three fillies left in a hurry and I got up, following them. I walked slowly so when I got there they were already sitting down and about to eat.

“Oh hey Meason I didn't know you were here.” Funny a lot of people have told me that. I just nodded for some reason and sat down next to Sweetie Belle, Scottaloo and Applebloom sat on the other side. They were eating salads, again. One of the few things I missed was meat, no place here had meat. I could always corner a pony at night but I'm not that disparate... or am I?

“Oh Twilight I was wondering if you and, Meason right, were special someponies to each other?” Sweetie Belle suddenly asked this random question from nowhere and if I had been eating I would still have been eating, the question didn't surprise me at all. Twilight on the other hoof nearly choked on air and went red.

“Now why would you ask that?” she looked really nervous and I thought it was funny.

“Because he was sleeping in your bed and then Spike had told us about magic fingers-”

“I'm leaving, see you later.” I got up and quickly made it to the door. As funny as it would have been to see her try to answer that would have been, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. Now that I was free from that I needed something to do, something to get me away from here for a bit. After a little walking around I saw Derpy over head letting fliers drop to ponies below. I caught one as it fell and read it. It said three days from now was... Pony-gra? That sound like...

“No way? Can it be?” if my hunch was correct I was about to be partying like an epileptic at a rave. I went back to the tree house as they finished lunch.

“Twilight what is Pony-gra?” she looked up quickly but Scottaloo answered me.

“It's really huge party in Canterlot. Rainbow dash said it's for adults only though but I don't know why.” Jack pot. I turned right back around and ran. I had to find someone to go with me, someone had to drag me back or I'd be stuck in a gutter for a week before I woke up. It was Fluttershy I found first who was just going for a walk. I ran up to her and picked her up to my face really close.

“Pony-gra.” she looked at me for a second confused.

“It's a really big party in Canterlot and-”

“You're coming with me.” I picked her up over my head and ran before she could answer. As I was running I felt weird and that was because my body became a stick figure while my head stayed the same. So now a stick figure with my head holding Fluttershy in the air was running around town looking for...

“Rainbow Dash!” she was flying low when I called out to her. When she landed I popped back to normal.

“What's up?”

“Pony-gra.”

“Pony-gra?”

“Pony-gra.”

“Ok I'll get my stuff ready!” she took off in a blast, now that left one more.

“Um Meason? I'll go but will you put me down?” oh I was wondering why my arms were getting tired. I set her down and she left to her home to get ready. Now for the last pony. I looked high. I popped out of a cloud that Derpy was resting on.

“Have you seen Pinkie Pie?” she looked confused about where I suddenly came from.

“No.” I slipped back into the cloud and was gone, she started digging in the cloud trying to find me. Then I searched low. Mr Cake had just delivered an order and was heading back to the shop when he suddenly fell into a hole. I caught him as he was falling and looked him in the eye.

“Have you seen Pinkie?”

“Uh no.” I tossed him out the hole and it filled back up. Bon Bon was eating soup that had a mint leaf garnish when it suddenly shook and raised. My head raised out of her soup with the leaf on my head. Cheese soup, yummy.

“Have you seen Pinkie Pie?”

“...no...” I lowered back into the soup and was gone. She lifted the leaf then pushed back the bowl, she wasn't hungry any more. I kept on looking for her but had no luck at all, so at the moment I was sitting on a bench pouting.

“What's wrong?”

“I can't find you any where.” wait a tit. I turned quickly to see Pinkie pie sitting next to me.

“Yeah I hate it when I can't fine my self either.” I quickly grabbed her and pulled her into a hug.

“Pony-gra.” she pulled back with big eyes.

“Pony-gra?! That's only the most hard core party ever!” she zoomed off in a hurry in which I assumed to get stuff ready. Now that I had my party ponies getting ready I needed to also so I went back to the tree house. I packed quickly and waited, we wouldn't be leaving until tomorrow unfortunately.

“Oh I know let's go get Travis.” I went out side and started to Sweetapple acres when I noticed a stallion giving out free balloons. I quickly went to him and asked for a red one.

“Um sure but don't you think you're a bit to old for one?” I gave him a strange look.

“No, because no one is to old for free balloons.” and with that I floated off. I held the balloon above me and lifted off the ground as he watched in amazement. Now to Sweetapple acres and my virgin.

“So what does this thing do?” Applebloom asked Travis as she watched him repairing his truck.

“It's like a carriage but a lot faster.” she just nodded and suddenly looked up to see me floating up high.

“Uh Travis, can yar friend fly?” he turned and looked at her with a confused look.

“Not that ah know of. Why?” she pointed up and he saw me.

“Well ah hope he knows how to land.” I had been floating peacefully but then some asshole sparrow decided that it would land on top of my balloon. When it's claws touched the balloon I had I second of floating there to look down after it popped. I held up a sigh that had “uh-oh” on it and then I fell. I think I should have died but I didn't, I was just really flat. Travis and Applebloom ran over to the small crater I made as I was inflating my self back to normal.

“Uh Meason are ya ok?” Travis stopped in front of the crater as I was getting out.

“Like I was missing my Ritalin.” he looked at me confused but before he could say anything I spoke again.

“Pony-gra.” he looked at me confused again and so did Applebloom.

“Ah don't know what that is but ah can't go. Ah'ma going with the Apple's to the rodeo today and be back tomorrow late.” I gave him a grumpy look and walked off. They both looked at me confused. Nothing to do now but go to the tree house and wait. As I was waking down the path of Sweetapple something red caught my eye. Now let me be more specific since there is a shit ton of red things here. He had a green apple half on his flank, time to go have some fun.

“Well hey there big guy.” when I came up to Big Mac he was bucking trees like normal. He stopped and looked at me real quick then went back to bucking.

“Howdy.” it seems like that I'm going to have to keep this conversation going.

“So what's you're name big boy?” he stopped again and looked a little uncomfortable.

“Big Mac.”

“Hmm, do they call you that for obvious reasons or is it something else?” Wait. Did I just hit on him? He looked around real quick as if seeing if no one else was around.

“Ah guess ya have to find out on ya own.” damn it. Why do I have this effect on gay man? I had to get out of this quick.

“Maybe another time.” I winked at him and turned to leave. Why did I wink at him? It probably made things worse. When I was sure he couldn't see me any more I picked up the pace back into town. I got to the tree house just fine and found Twilight by her self.

“Hey Meason, I had a question for you.” she was sitting on the couch and I went over and sat next to her.

“Ok, shoot.” she looked around as if to see if no one was around. I didn't like this.

“What can I pay you with for the “study” time?” never mind, I liked this. I all ways liked nerdy chicks. She was sitting down like ponies normal do but her flank towards me. I gave her an impish smile and started walking my fingers on her flank.

“It depends on what you got to offer me.” she went red and looked around. I walked my fingers to her tail but then grabbed it, yanking her to me. She yelped when I did this and now I leaned over her face to face.

“So what do you have to offer me?” she became bright red as she looked up at me. Sometimes I'm a horrible person (ok a lot of times) but people enjoy it. Some really enjoy it.