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After a bad run in with some poison joke, Dash finds herself a young foal. She's back to her youngest state, and with no way of returning, (except for growing up, of course) will she ever live normally again? Twilight makes a promise to help her, but what Rainbow Dash doesn't know is that Twilight has always wanted a daughter. How far is Twilight willing to go to feel the thrill of parenthood by using Dash?
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First label this "Alternative Universe".
Second slow down. Spread out the details and explain some things.
This could be a better concept with a little improvement.
And I thought I wrote fast.
Why are you saying this? She never moved to Ponyville in canon, either. She's still deep in the Everfree Forest.
2731986
Thanks for that :3 I didn't even realize it!
2731818
Thanks for the advice
Anything specific about those parts that you think should be changed?
2732034 The biggest change might be Twilight forcing Rainbow Dash to use her diaper. That just seems rather mean spirited of Twilight.
Now if a day or two passed and Rainbow Dash hadn't used it maybe it might work better since Twilight could be concerned and decide to force Rainbow Dash to go just in case.
2732177
Thanks for the advice, I'll see what I can do.
2732196 There's also the whole t.v. thing. If you are going to include it at least mention briefly how it works.
2732209 Magic.
2732209 alternate universe
and also who says that equestria doesnt have tv?
2732536 I never said it doesn't exist but I figure since this is an alternative universe fic it might work better to explain a few things like that.
LOVE! MUST READ MORE!
readable
1) More details. Maybe, what Twilight had do when Dash was asleep. Or by the feeding scene.
2) Not so Fast! Take your Time and explain more.
Nice premise, but you need to pace yourself a little more. Add some scene breaks. Build up some suspense instead of following one thing after another. Your audience knows how to be patient for the payoff of diapers and Foal!Dash.
Twilight was OoC in forcing Rainbow to use a diaper and with imprisoning her, new speakers need a new paragraph and you seem to be attempting to set a new land speed record with your writing. In about a thousand words you crammed in far too much stuff and missed out on a lot of detail, like the feeding scene for example. Grammar seemed fine though.
I like it so far
Too much wetting and messing. Try to keep it a minimum.
You're improving slightly but you still have a long way to go.
2736653
No, I will not keep it to a minimum, that is not at all realistic.
2736702 To heck with realism. Or at the least don't mention it all the time.
Also Twilight is OOC forcing Rainbow Dash to be her daughter. She's not even trying to look for a cure.
Plus there are still some issues with pacing and dialogue placement.
2736988
The story states it, why don't you understand? This is a different side of Twilight that nobody has ever known
2737192 Regardless you could stand to slow down a little more and make sure to start a new paragraph whenever the speaker changes.
more please
Remeber "sunny" is still a foal
wow, if that'd have happened to me i'd have said. plain and simple "you aren't my friend anymore. you're worse than sunset...just plain selfish"
i mean. she DID have a life and twilight doesn't seem to care about that.
2740145
Same here
You really shouldn't restart somebody's life
This reminds me of a similar story with Rarity and Twilight entitled "What Is Happening to Me?".
Twilight is being a selfish dick
You know I came in expecting something different. when I read the first part I pictured something more canon where rainbow ran across a bit of permanent Poison joke with no cure. Where she got transformed back into a young foal and twilight decided to take care of her. where twilight told her about her desire to be a mother and rainbow accepted to be twilights child because there was no way to change back. And it was happy.
not this... kinda just makes me sick.
Pretty good. Muck better pacing now i wanna see where this goes and what RD will do when she's back to normal. Maby put Twilight through the same thing? That would be so funny
2740550
Well, you make me sick :3 I like my story, and I don't care if you don't
2740326
I know
2740243
Oh, I like that one :3
2743080
\
Hey I ain't bad mouthing you are a good writer... Good enough even though I know I wouldn't like the subject you got me to read all 3 chapters. its why I did upvoted your story i mean if you can make me read 3 chapters of something I don't like it means your doing something right.
2743595
Thanks :3
I haven't read this chapter yet, but I have read the introduction. DON'T YOU DARE USE RAINBOW DASH, TWILIGHT
!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! lol. I'll see how this turns out.
Update: TWILIGHT IS A F***ING B*****!!! (Censored it because i'm kind) I am going to kill her!
Ok... I see what's going on...
Twilight doesn't care about her friends anymore... *sniff* ... 
Just continue it...
2736653 You're telling this person that they're not doing good enough? I'd like to see you writing a story.
Huh?
Does Twilight not care about anyone anymore? I am hoping this story has a happy ending and Twilight realizes her mistake but this is seeming less and less likely.
I still think it feels rushed, and it can be confusing it seems like they keep changing there personality too quick... I still like it thought :)
..........Urgh. This version of Twilight reminds me of two things. 1.Non remake Pattycakes Fluttershy, and 2. A fanfic where Twilight harvests Rainbows technicolor magical feces to power Equestria, and keeps her in a machine in her basement, which she later uses on Rainbow and Soarin's foal, causing Rainbow to jump off a cliff.
2746014
2 is horribly creepy 0_0
Don't tell me Rarity got infected as well. Twilight deserves that sort of punishment for betraying her friends and taking advantage of Rainbow Dash but not Rarity, she didn't do anything wrong.
2747709
Just wait :3
One thing I've only now noticed where's Spike during all this? Or have you "conviently" written him out as well?
2751229
What do you mean "conveniently"?! I'll write this story however I want to, and if you don't like it, bucking leave!
2751745 I mean did you write Spike out so he can't affect the plot? Cause it seems to me like Spike would tell Twilight how wrong the things she's doing are.
i.imgur.com/FhdOOMl.jpg
I acually really like it. Its kinda nice to see what this alternate Twilight will do
2753689 So what's the problem