For as long back as Big Mac could remember, his role in life was the silent older brother that kept everything in check. After a while however that burden became too much to bear, and he needed to come up with a way to keep him sane. The result was different than even he could have ever imagined, and he would never tell a soul...
...until his little orange sister poked her head in at the wrong time.
Big Macs in for an interesting ride.
(This story contains: copious amounts of diapers, mild wetting, and a heavy amount of a large red stallion acting adorable, viewer discussion advised.)
Chapters (1)
Well......its uhh....something im into a lot of things but the diaper thing isnt one of them ill probably still read it though
well guys, I would just like to say this was good and that, am I the only one who masturbates to this stuff....whats that smells
What the heck did I just read?!?! xD
4198924 it's nice to hear that you read it, even if you aren't into the subject matter.
4199081 thank you for the complement.
4199437 the beginning of a story.
4200497 I figured as much :/ but still Big Mac I hadno idea had some very weird ways 2 relive the stress of llife...
4200513 doesn't everybody.
4200525 I normally just play minecraft or the zombies mode of black ops II if I feel stress..seems normal and legit
4200525 I normally just play minecraft or the zombies mode of black ops II if I feel stress..seems normal and legit
4200525 I normally just play minecraft or the zombies mode of black ops II if I feel stress..seems normal and legit
4200541 for some people yes, me personally I write. It's different with every person.
(If you plan on continuing this discussion, I would recommend not posting it in the comments.)
haven't i read this story before?......
4202882 I would doubt it, it was written by me and a friend, if you mean the plot of the story then maybe.
4203700 yeah i already read a story about this exact same premise , but i think it was only as long as the first chapter of this is.....
4203709 well this will be about 12ish chapters long, and it does get better.
Rushed, you tell the reader things that are obvious, new speakers need a new paragraph, present tense- though correct, it doesn't really suit this story and it sounds awkward in most cases- you actually listed things, with new lines for each item, in a story where you had no excuse not to actually put it in a paragraph and most of all, it's just plain dull. Nearly every non-dialogue line starts with either a name or a pronoun. You can't do that if you want a story that people will want to read, varying your sentence starters and structures are an absolute must.
Also, change your character tags. AJ and Mac are the only characters in this story, AB and Granny Smith don't feature.
4211834 Thank you Mr. Jacker, I appreciate your constructive criticisms, and I will take them into account.
The other characters will show up, just in later chapters.
that's a different story.
I def know how he feels. I'm 2nd oldest of 6. We expect ourselves to be the bigger sibling.
4515473 well I'm oldest of 3, so I drew on some of that for inspiration.
Could u please continue this please I like how u wrote out the story so far
4534926 I have lots more finished, I just need to finish editing it all out into a story, and I will post more.
Okay I will wait patiently then for the story to continue don't rush
4549162 thank you for waiting, I hope not to disappoint.
Adorable!
It seems like a long tome since this was made, i. can only see one thing on everypony's mind: MORE RIGHT NOW!!!! WE NEED MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE