one man is on the verge of death and has seen his life flash before his eyes, he is truly distraught by what he sees. a lifetime of crime, debauchery, and ill deeds and his only comfort as he lay their is the eternal beauty of the moon with the night sky. in desperation he cries out for a chance at redemption with only the moon to witness it, but the moon may be the very one who gives him a second chance. but at what cost?
Edited by: The Only Brony
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critasism is welcome to a appoint please no bashing the story I know it isn't the best this is what ive come up with so far and wether or not I post more depends on how these 4 are received
The errors... this actually made my eye twitch. You have a crap-ton of run-on sentences. You also don't have the slightest clue about the rules of capitalization. In addition, you also need to include the "Human" tag. Finally, there's your spelling. Nearly all text programs have a spell check feature. USE IT!
You'll find people tend to be harsher on a person's first story. That's because they want to make sure the person learns. Trying to be nice about it simply doesn't get the point across effectively in most cases.
I would like to direct you to a helpful guide this site has that explains everything you need to know about writing well.
2719497 ok besides the blatant errors was the story easy to understand, were the events comprehensible?
2719642 I guess so. However, the errors tend to be a distraction. The more I see, the harder it is to concentrate on the story.
2721243 lol well I guess I should be lookin for a editor thanks for the comments by the way and the link
thanks everyone for the likes and favorites if you would please leave comments what u liked or didn't like where you feel things could be improved I would appreciate it
uhm this sentance is wrong
you need to add the to so that it says welcome TO equestria also awesome story so far
2784570 hey thanks for pointing that out to me I completely missed it and thanks for the fav and comment
1.You need more uppercase
2.Shorter paragraph
3.Put some space between paragraph, it makes reading easier
4.Fix grammar
I suggest you get a proofreader to check for mistakes, your story will be much better with one.
Also, as Jphype suggested, read the writing guide
2803231 thanks for the pointers
So many grammarical errors...
And a bit fast too.
2803441 ehh first ever fic so what would u expect
interesting so far
2921891 thanks I hope It continues to interest you
I would like to read more. Please don't hesitate to let me know if there is a new chapter because I look forward to know what happens next.
2930517 I will gladly let you know when their is a new chapter im glad you like it
2930517 next chapters up
hm not bad i like where this story is going
2956931 thanks im glad you like it I hope it continues to impress
blue dragon if you would allow it i could help you edit you'r new chapters for grammar and punctuation???
also it's a really nice story
2964989 that would be awesome If u did that.... I just don't know how to set that up or allow it
I wonder can anyone name the movie referenced in this chapter?
contact me later and I will tell you the name of the movie
Jesus, man. Do you have something against capital letters?
Nice three way wedding great touch.
3086455 thanks now if ya liked that wait till the wedding and what comes after that
Intriguing what is going to happen now. Oohh I can't wait!
I found this story to be vary good. it points out that People can change for the better it there hart is in the rite plase. Unlike Blue Blood, who has I am rich and part of the royal family complex that make me better then you. You have a way to put this in words so keep up the grate work. I do hope to see a new chapter soon.
Dragonfox
3128229 thanks a lot im glad you like it and the next chapter should be up in the next day or two
I hope you plan on a sequel because I would like to read more
I don't know what to say if that is the end. I do hope you write a sequel to the story. I like to know what happens next. Did he become a alicorn? It is being implied, in this chapter. I wood like to see there honeymoon. The Joy that is fownd. The hope for new life. Do they have foals of there own? There is so few alicorn in there world you think that they wood try for one or more? You have a grate framework to make your next story. there is all wees sum new danger to Equestria.
It is your story and you can do what you wont with it but that up to you to decide.
Dragonfox
3131428>>3128229 I must admit I wasn't planning on a sequel but I can try and see what come of it
3134226 Oh you don't have to if you don't want to i'm just saying or wonder if you were it would be nice to see what you come up with
3134285 ill see what I can do I just don't know when it will be up ive already got another story im tryin to work on and a one shot so it might be a while
3134342 That's okay
yay
6796049 I'm glad you liked it
Try spacing paragraphs. That way it lets others read it easier. Otherwise great story so far! Hope is gets better.
Needless to say the gaurds outside the door were very red in the face come morning. Best line ever I've heard
I loved the fanfic because one its the first human turned dragon turned alicorn stallion and two the first fanfic where both luna and nightmare moon are in a poly with and oc