A lost souls second chance

by Blue dragon 116

glmpse of the past

As storm lay unconscious in the hospital the day to day workings of equestria continued especially that of the princess. Ever since storms arrival in equestria celestia has been wary of him based on what her sister told of him but in all the time he has been here storm has never shown any violence when it wasn't necessary. Luna must have been mistaken celestia thought to herself the young dragon was nothing but kind and gentle fluttershy has attested to that end many times when he helped her, many ponies grow impatient and angry with fluttershys timid ways but not storm. Celestia loved and trusted her sister but surely she must be mistaken maybe she brought the wrong person to equestria and it was to this end that the solar regent sought out her sister late that evening after the sun was set and the moon had risen. As she approached those familiar oaken doors celestia drew in a calming breath and raised a hoof to knock.

"The door is open" luna said from inside surprising celestia to no end. And so celestia entered the dark room, no matter how many times she saw it celstia's breath always caught at the sight of lunas room. Lunas room was large and ornate just like hers with a large bed, a desk, a large window some seats and other things. But lunas room was a dark blue with the moon and stars on her ceiling, and with every night the constellations and moon would move just like it would in the sky outside. Celestia couldn't help but stare in awe for a few seconds before addressing her sister who was watching her with a amused expression from the window balcony.

"Not that it is any trouble tia but what brings you here at this time" luna asked approaching her sister smiling warmly.

"actually sister it Is about storm" celestia said meekly expecting some sort of out cry or back lash from her sister.

"Its not that I don't trust you sister its just that in all the time that storm has been here he has never harmed anypony and has been nothing but kind to Everypony here. And I cant help but wonder if maybe you brought the wrong pony here in his place." Here luna chuckled warmly confusing celestia who looked at her quizzically waiting for a answer.

"Don't worry sister I too have had these thoughts, but I can assure that storm bringer is indeed the one I brought from that dark world." luna said warmly before she took a more thoughtful and serious look and tone.

"But he is acting in stark contrast to how I found him so I wonder if this is his real personality or just a elaborate façade?" A long silence ensued as the sisters pondered this question with no conceivable way to answer it without risking insult or injury.

"I know how to solve this problem" luna said looking rather proud of herself and smiling at celestia.

"To decide if this is indeed his true personality we must look back at storms life before he came to equestria." Luna said walking towards her desk and picking up a large book with her magic before returning to celestia.

"I know for a fact that for all of his adult life storm was a cruel being so we must dive deeper into his child hood to find what caused this change." Luna said reading from the book and her horn lighting up as she charged a spell then when she released it both her and celestia were engulfed in a blinding light. When the light faded the sisters found they weren't in lunas room but outside a small home and upon further inspection the sisters identified this place as a farm or ranch much to their surprise. Unsure of what to do celestia looked to her sister to see that luna had approached the house and was standing before a large window smiling warmly as she gazed inside. Once beside her sister celestia found why she was smiling the house was much like the apple family farm it was small but warm welcoming and full of laughter. And as the sisters watched several young ones passed the window all chasing a boy in a overly large Stetson into another room. The sisters fallowed them to the next room via a window and watched as they chased each other laughing without a care in the world. The chase continued for a few minute until two adults came in the room and got the children to settle down all save the boy in the Stetson. The boy ran across the room to the window that celestia and luna were looking through and when he stood in a chair celestia let out a startled gasp and looked to her sister who nodded in agreement to her unasked question. Celestia could tell by the eyes that the child in front of her was storm, granted they weren't the same color but the youthful love and uncharacteristic wisdom that seemed to pour from this child was defiantly storms. As celestia stared the child was called back to the table where he was seated and a large cake was placed before him while everyone sang a happy birthday and he blew out the candles and young storms face lit up with glee. But it was short lived for as everyone settled into their places around the table a horrendous crash sounded from the front of the house. Everyone including the princess jumped at the startling sound but no one had the time to move as three masked individuals rushed into the house and held the family at gun point. And immediately began screaming at the father while all the children cried and the mother desperately tried to calm them. The father refused what ever the men were asking for and was slapped across the face with a gun and one of the men grabbed the nearest child which happened to be storm and held him at gun point. Here tears ran down the fathers cheeks as he pleaded with the men telling them he didn't have what they were searching for but he only angered the men further. Infuriated the leader leveled his gun on the mother and shot, and before she hit the floor more shots rang out as the father and all of storms sibling's dropped dead around him. Storm had gone limp in his captors hands by this time staring blankly at the place where his father once sat completely ignoring his captors until they struck him across the face to gain his attention. Where they proceeded to beat him and scream at him to give them what they were looking for but he refused and was almost shot himself before sirens sounded outside and the men panicked and fled. Leaving a broken storm on the floor who crawled to his parents and tried to wake them from their supposed slumber to no avail. Finally people in uniforms swarmed the house and grabbed storm who was kicking and screaming as they dragged him from the house and as he left and the door closed behind them the scene before them faded until the sisters were back in luna's room. A long silence followed as the sisters tried to absorb what they just saw and both couldn't hold back tears as they recalled storms face as he was dragged away.

"I believe it is safe to say that what we are seeing is indeed storms true personality" luna said her voice quivering slightly before the two burst into uncontrollable sobs. This continued on for a few minutes until luna remembered something she heard chrysalis say last night during her attack and storms reaction. Does storm truly love me? luna thought to herself It doesn't matter after tonight I make a solemn promise to protect him and make sure he never has to live through something like that again. and with that celestia excused herself and luna returned to her balcony staring in the direction of the hospital thoughtfully.

Comments

[Blue dragon 116]

critasism is welcome to a appoint please no bashing the story I know it isn't the best this is what ive come up with so far and wether or not I post more depends on how these 4 are received

[Jphyper]

The errors... this actually made my eye twitch. You have a crap-ton of run-on sentences. You also don't have the slightest clue about the rules of capitalization. In addition, you also need to include the "Human" tag. Finally, there's your spelling. Nearly all text programs have a spell check feature. USE IT!

You'll find people tend to be harsher on a person's first story. That's because they want to make sure the person learns. Trying to be nice about it simply doesn't get the point across effectively in most cases.

I would like to direct you to a helpful guide this site has that explains everything you need to know about writing well.

[Blue dragon 116]

2719497 ok besides the blatant errors was the story easy to understand, were the events comprehensible?

[Jphyper]

2719642 I guess so. However, the errors tend to be a distraction. The more I see, the harder it is to concentrate on the story.

[Blue dragon 116]

2721243 lol well I guess I should be lookin for a editor thanks for the comments by the way and the link

[Blue dragon 116]

thanks everyone for the likes and favorites if you would please leave comments what u liked or didn't like where you feel things could be improved I would appreciate it