Spike ran through the underbrush, his glowing claw clutching the wound on his side. The healing rune was keeping him from bleeding out, but the pain and injury was making escape hard. His growth spell shattered when the rockets shattered some of his scales that held the runes necessary for maintaining it. Now here he was, his normal size, wounded, running for his life through the Whitetail woods from a bunch of genocidal aliens... not his best day.
He could still hear his pursuers crashing through the brush. They weren't making any effort to remain undetected, but then they didn't really need to. All they had to do was chase Spike until he collapsed from exhaustion and either finish him or let him bleed to death. Whichever way this turned out, it wouldn't be good for the young dragon. Even if he escaped and was rescued, he would likely have lasting injuries.
He just passed a thick tree when it practically exploded. They found him. Redoubling his efforts, he ran as fast as his injured body would go. He could feel the shots pass less than an inch from his flesh, spurring him on further. There was no destination other than 'away from the bad guys'.
The wounded dragon cried out as one of the shots found his leg, passing through the scales and bone. No longer able to sustain his weight, his leg buckled and sent him rolling. When he finally came to a stop, his exhaustion set in. He lay there, the wound on his side opened back up, staring into the sky. The first of the Dratali stood over him, soon joined by a half dozen others.
Well, Spike, you tried. Sorry Dashie, Twilight. I guess I'm not coming home after all.
The first reptile smirked and brought his rifle up. Then, something very weird happened. The Dratali jumped back in shock. They started looking around as if Spike had vanished. As if that weren't enough, they suddenly got extremely scared, firing at the trees. One by one, they were knocked off their feet with a scream. Spike looked around as much as he could trying to figure out what was going on.
He didn't have to wait long before a familiar voice answered his questions, “It's amazing what one can do with illusions, wouldn't you agree?”
“Tr... Trixie? What...” Spike tried to speak.
“Hush now. Let me close up your injuries before you bleed to death.”
The blue unicorn pressed her glowing horn to the drake's side and began stitching the worst of the injuries. The spell was painful, but Spike toughed it out. It only took about three minutes before Trixie stopped.
“There,” she said, “Now you won't die. Come, I'll take you to a hospital where they can finish what I started.” The 'show mare' lifted Spike and placed him gently on her back, “Oof... ease up on the emeralds.” Spike chuckled at that. “You should be glad I saw what happened. Nice job with that... thing. Using brain over brawn is a rare trait in a dragon, but then so is being raised by a genius unicorn in a library I suppose.”
Trixie took off as smoothly as she could towards the nearest hospital in Ponyville.
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
“We're getting hammered out here!” Cowboy hollered over the open channel, “Units five, six and fourteen are completely gone! Didn't Command say reinforcements were on the way?”
“They are. We just need to hold out until they get here.”
“God damn it! We're not going to last until they get here!”
“Quit your bitching Cowboy,” another voice came over the comm, “Firefly's here to save you ass!”
A silvery blur shot past Cowboy. It looked like an Ax, but it was too fast and had a few extra pieces. Firefly set her sights on a bomber and its four escorts. The quartette of enemy fighters moved into position to defend their charge from the approaching threat. She gunned it toward the small craft and quickly pulled up so fast it should have killed her... if not for the inertial dampening field surrounding the cockpit. In her wake was a dozen shimmering crystals that, without warning, shot toward the enemy fighters, tearing them to shreds.
“Ain't magic awesome?” chided the half-aviva pilot.
Without its guardians, the bomber was easy prey.
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
Fluttershy was a mare with many fears. It was a well known fact that she was scared of everything from dragons to her own shadow, but one fear was stronger than the rest. It was a fear that sprang up around nine years ago when she and her friends were trying to convince a dragon to sleep elsewhere, and it was her greatest fear by far... the fear of losing her friends. It was this fear that drove her to confront dragons, cockatrices, chimera, and all manner of other beasts and monsters. Just like it was this fear that drove her to face down a being trained to use its powerful magic to kill as effectively as possible.
A wall exploded as the Archon's fireball struck it, instead of the yellow pegasus it was meant for. The pony was already halfway to the sorcerer by the time the attack passed her former position. Caught off guard by the pony's speed, he cast a slide spell and jumped back. He hovered slightly above the ground quickly as he fired fireballs at the charging native. He wasn't sure how, but she managed to dodge them all. Needing something faster than a fireball, the Archon fired a bolt of lightning. He quickly learned why not to use lightning against a pegasus when he barely erected his shield in time to deflect the returned voltage. The barrier dropped for another attack, but instead a hoof swung dangerously close to the Archon's face. Only his finely honed reflexes saved him, erecting another shield.
Fluttershy pressed her attack, driving her hooves into the shield. The Archon forced his shield outward, knocking the pegasus away. It wasn't something that would stop the pegasus. She just twisted, kicked off the expanding shield toward a building, and launched herself off the wall. The shield, spread as thin as it was, broke easily and she was back on the offensive. She was cut short, though, as an invisible force slammed into her, knocking her away. It carried her straight into the wall of a house. Luckily, it was already damaged and gave way before it could do and real damage, but it still knocked the wind out of her.
Fluttershy truly loved heritage and tradition. It was the reason she learned her families fighting style even though she hated fighting... okay, she loved sparing with fellow martial artists, but that was different. It was a style passed down from mother to daughter all the way back to her distant ancestor, General Hurricane. And she planned to teach her own daughter one day. That meant she couldn't let herself die here. She would teach this invader why it's called Storm Wing.
She struggled to her hooves, taking slow, deep breaths. Her wings extended fully, and started emitting a humming sound as every feather began vibrating. Fluttershy opened her eyes, the kind gentleness replaced by cold, hard steel. Like a yellow blur, she shot off toward the monster as tiny sparks arced between feathers. By the time she emerged from the dust of the collapsed wall, electricity trailed behind her. The Archon launched more balls of force at the enraged mare. Fluttershy leaped away, using the walls of the buildings around her as springboards. With one last powerful thrust of her hind legs, the yellow pony fired herself at her adversary, the lightning surrounding her wings moving to her right hoof. The Archon quickly threw up a force field a split second before the hoof struck. The electric strike seemed to drain the Dratali mage, and soon cracks started spreading along the barrier's surface. His expression turned to horror as his shield shattered. Fluttershy's hoof struck her foe's face, sending the lightning coursing through his heart.
Fluttershy released the attack when the smell of burning flesh hit her. The Archon fell in a heap of smoldering flesh that made the pegasus want to vomit. A realization of what happened hit her like a freight train. She had taken a life, even if it was necessary. She backed away, staring at what she had done before collapsing, curling up into a ball and crying.
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
Technia pranced back through Canterlot with a spring in her step and an ember in her mane.
“That was so awesome!” she squee’d for the eighth time, “Best. Wednesday. Ever.”
She continued her jovial return humming a tune when she heard a pained groan. She dropped into a threatening stance, ready to defend herself if necessary. She scanned around until her gaze fell upon a terrible sight. A storm gray unicorn with an amethyst mane... or what was left of one. She was missing a leg, an eye, and had terrible burns all over her body.
“He... help,” the broken mare groaned.
“Oh my gosh, you're alive!” Technia gasped. Her hyperactive brain ran through exactly four hundred sixty-seven different possible treatments to potentially save this mares life. Most, like transplanting her brain into a mountain goat, were not quite perfected, others, like strapping her into a missile, were counter productive. One however struck her as a viable option inspired by Miss Sparkle.
“Hey, can you hear me?” The dying mare nodded. “Do you want to live?” Another nod. “Will you accept any treatment?” Yet another nod. The cinnamon maned unicorn lifted the mare gently “I can rebuild you...I have the technology.”
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
“You're wearing your new choker?” Rarity asked as she walked with her younger sister through the town. The piece of jewelry in question was a strip of black fireworm silk, with a silver, four-tip star dangling in front. “I thought you were waiting to wear that for you first date after you asked Dinky out?”
“Shush!” Sweetie whispered harshly, “I told you that in secret! Geez, you just can't keep your big trap shut.” The younger unicorn sighed, “Besides, we could all die today. I'd like to wear it once just in case. After all, my favorite sister got it for me.”
“Ha, I'm your only sister.”
“No you’re not,” Sweetie Belle smiled. “I have Applebloom and Scootaloo, too.”
“Ah, of course. You three really are sisters in all but blood.”
“Unless you count the transfusions we've had to give each other on multiple occasions.”
Rarity could only laugh. She loved that her sister had two such close friends. She remembered feeling relieved when they had gotten their cutie marks and thought their shenanigans would cease. Oh, how wrong she was. They only got in more trouble because they weren't looking for cutie marks, only fun. The medical bills were ridiculous.
“I'm just glad you've calmed down a little,” Rarity chuckled. “Excuse me, I need to speak with Commander Hard Case. I'll be right back.”
Rarity trotted off to a rather large changeling and struck up a conversation. Sweetie wondered if the Cakes left any goods out. If so, they would certainly raise the moral of everypony in the shelter, and knowing them they would be more than happy to share. If not, her albums sell plenty to pay them back. With her plan made, she trotted toward her favorite shop, opened the door, and walked in.
Rarity watched Sweetie out of the corner of her eye as she spoke with the commander about the town’s security. She wasn't talking long when she heard something that made her blood run cold. Sweetie was screaming in fear. The fashionista ran as fast as she could, bursting through the door of Sugarcube Corner. She ran into the kitchen and froze. The pantry door was open and a Dratali soldier was standing just outside it with a bloody knife.
Sweetie Belle laid on the floor, gazing up at her sister with fear in her eyes as she clutched her bloody throat with a hoof. Her pleas for help coming out as nothing but gargles. Rarity's whole world fell to pieces, as she watched her little sisters eyes lost focus and her desperate attempts at breathing ceased.
It's a dream... It has to be... the town is clear... this can't be real...
She looked up at the invader just as the knife that took her sister, flew into her left eye. The alabaster unicorn let out a chilling scream as she fell back. Several black shapes darted past her, jumping on the monster. One, though, flew to her with concern in her eyes. The last thing Rarity saw before consciousness left her, was the changeling calling something to the others and leaning toward her with her horn alight.
Nooooo! You killed Sweetie Belle! The Best Pony! So cruel and evil!
ahh not Sweetie bell......cries
Aw, Poor Sweetie! Still, the things one must do for character development, ne?
Damn it! Would nothing else, like the death of a close friend or parent work... Sweetie did not need to die Still this does make for an interesting way to have Nightmare Rarity in your story.
...I've been enjoying your story, and though Sweetie is my favorite of the CMC, i will trust you on this. ...I'm gonna go be depressed now.
Damn....
That's...
I have no words to describe the feelings.
No wait there they are. Burn them all to ash. Let there be no survivors.
She better be turned into a Sweetie Bot
Is this an intentional reference to ADTW or did I just imagine it?
2566435 I'm not sure what ADTW is. Technia just likes blowing stuff up every Wednesday.
Fine i wont hate you for killing sweetie bell , but i wont like you for doing it either!
It's too bad that Sweetie had to die, but if it's for the best, I can let it slide. Fluttershy is a badass fighter, also heartless in the heat of battle.
-Mis
REGRET NONTHING! sorry had to.
2566443 ADTW or A Dream That Wasn't, feature a Technia that every Wednesday destroy something.
It wasn't hard seeing the parallels.
To the dratali:
O' Heretics swathed in darkness, to take lives so pure and innocent away from their families, An eternal curse I shall cast upon thee for now and forever more.
2566466 I haven't read it, but it is the same character. Blazikenking let me use her.
Someone had to die.
You can't just have the final, massive planetary invasion without a single character dying.
Of course, that doesn't make it any less sad...
2566482 Oh that makes sense I guess. Still should've seen it coming when you gave the name earlier I suppose. Same OC in multiple fics make my brain hurt.
Poor Sweetie, just when she said that she had to die...
Incoming Rarirage :rarityrageface:
also, great chapter as always.... was the Fluttershy part really necessary? I meant that you forced her to kill, even in defense
2566514 Unfortunately, yes
2566513
That's funny, because I have two OCs that I put in every fic; Jynx Charm, and Midnight Star. You'll fine one or both in every fic I write (except my one shot)
Oh good, I'm not the only one with this headcanon.
2566538 Suddenly feels bad that I haven't read any of your other fics beside this one. Also, same oc in stories by the same author is more likely than by different.
2566547 Thank you . Fluttershy is best badass!
2566557 YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD !!! You're a terrible person, and now Fluttershy AND Pinkie Pie are crying.
At least you killed her for a valid reason and not because "I don't like her!"
...Right? BECAUSE IF THAT'S WHY I WILL HIT YOU WITH A STICK UNTIL YOU LEARN.
Also, I am forced to admit I like the beginning of the story more, before you started going stir-crazy with averted tropes in excess. Tropes Are Not Bad. It's not into terrible territory yet, far from it, it just feels kinda saturated to me, like you're trying to cram a hundred ideas in at once.
2566566 I see no sign of either Fluttershy or Pinkie crying.
I'm out.
2566574 I love all the CMC and would never kill one of the off without reason.
I can see why Sweetie was the one that had to die. After all, the rest of the Elements were going to be suffering some sort of mental trauma and hardening just being in combat, but Rarity was staying far away in the presumed safety of Ponyville. Now she has the motivation she'll need to leave with the rest and go hunt down the Dratali after the invasion dies down, if that's in the cards. The only complaint I might have is how sudden it felt(and you can take that complaint with a grain of salt, as I tend to prefer death scenes to be drawn out anyway), but no hatred here for the death. Even if Sweetie is best CMC.
On a side note, I keep getting this image of when Twilight and Xander finally meet up, and after they exchange blows, Twilight gives him a rough approximation of the speech Superman gave Darkseid in Justice League Unlimited before just beating him senseless. Clip, starts at about 44 seconds in for those that haven't seen it.
2566589 Can I ask why?
omg, you killed Sweetie! YOU BASTARD!
Let me just curl up in a ball and cry...
*5 minutes later*
I'm good now.
2566602 Okey dokey. I just remember seeing that reason used (with Scootaloo) in someone else's fic which instantly earned them a thumbs down and a few postings of Scootaloo on their userpage.
2566574i have to agree with you. It's extremely well done, but there's more being Introduced now near the end than there was in the beginning.
As much as I hate to say this, I am entirely for the death of Sweetie Belle. It's good that you're writing it for Rarity's character development but it is also entirely needed in this segment. To me, the entire battle so far against the Dratali has been going too well for the Equestrians. Suddenly Fluttershy is OP Broken and everybody in Equestria is capable of destroying huge platoons of enemies. Either you need to balance out the Equestrians or something bad needs to happen to make it a better story. I think Sweetie Belle's death is a good element in the story however sad it might be.
I'm starting to not like Technia. Being hyper is all well and good, but that's her sole, defining trope. She's a genki girl and that's it. All she does is giggle madly and embrace her trope in its entirely. I can expect the same behavior out of her, regardless of the situation, especially when that situation does not call for it. She's a one trick pony, with the same actions and consequences for every situation.
As for the end.... meh. It might just be me, but the twist didn't hold any real weight. I didn't know Sweetie enough to actually care about her fate. Sure, it's sad, but I didn't feel any emotion towards it one way or the other. She had nine years of growth, and it was only glanced over. I wasn't emotionally invested in her in any way, and I just finished the Killer Rarity trilogy. Feels for Sweetie should be high.
And I must agree with 2566574 on the issue with averted tropes. it's okay to go against the grain, but that's the problem. If you go too much against the grain, all you're doing is piling up twists and redirection upon previous piles. If you go even further, it negates the advantage of averted tropes entirely. If too much has changed, the changes become the new norm, and the story becomes predictable again. If the fact that it becomes different spreads to all corners, then the averted tropes become just regular tropes again. The twists become anticipated. It's like M. Night Shyamalan. If you constantly have twists, than we know the twists are coming.
Gather round the hearth and allow me to spin you a tale. A tale so chilling that no hearth will warm you and the only emotion you will feel is her burning rage despite the hundreds of years between us and her. Allow me to tell a tale on how the Dratili sealed their own fate with the action of one soldier and the death of her sister.
I, of course, refer to the tale of Rarity's Rancor where she bested all foes and cemented her spot in cosmic history with how she destroyed the Dratili systematicly with nothing but utter contempt and made sure that no other race in the galaxy would dare so much as to think a galatic purge would be a great idea. Hear now the tale of the mare that warned the galaxy "She'll be waiting."
2566608
Your story has been borderline dark for a while, and now you've crossed the line and are chugging along to tragic. I would have never started reading this story if you had been truthful with the tags.
2566667 They aren't taking out platoons of Dratali. Really, they're just holding their own, and that's just because they outnumber them, have the advantage of fighting on familiar ground, and have more mages WITH Alliance tech. Celestia's been drained of magic and is helpless, Applejack was stabbed in the gut, and Spike took a pair of rockets to the side. I don't think it's going as good as you think.
2566608 its ok in great stories like these character deaths are nessassary sometimes and i only like them when there well done and this sir is well done indeed this is war and i expected a few of the character too die my only thought is whos next? im expecting a few more and cant wait! poor dinky though :/ she'll be crushed when she finds out.
suraht summed up my thoughts on this chapter perfectly every last word and the suddenness of it is a very small complain for my end as well ^^ i really hope thers a sequel to this story after the dratali invasion is over :D
2566684
hmm, so SB dying is where you draw the line? Despite the fact that he has done his best to show war is coming and showed how willing the Dratili were to further their goals with a suicide bomb that tragicly killed kids? Despite the fact that Twilight's new mentor was killed tragicly in front of her and she subsequently repainted the prison halls with the color of blood and guts? So a sub-character (not even a true main character) dying in a warzone (there are no "safe" spots when an entire planet is at war) is where "you draw the line?"
Sit back down and finish the ride, you had plenty of opportunities to get off beforehand and you didn't take them. We are nearing the end anyways and the next roller coaster only gets worse, so avoid that one.
My problem is that you killed this version of Sweetie before I could really get attached to her. To me, it might as well have been a doll with a nametag that said "Hello, my name is Sweetie Belle" pasted to its forehead. Even in a fanfic, it's bad form to rely on someone's previous experience with a character making them invested in the version that appears in your own story. If you're going to make a big deal out of killing someone off, at least make the audience attached to the character first to maximize the death's impact.
You're better than this. I know you can make us attached to characters. If you were to kill off Curt, Twilight, "Anal Retentive," or even Technia, I know it'd hit me like a ton of bricks. You've focused on them and built them up, and I love those characters. Sweetie Belle, though, was just some chick I hadn't seen in nearly a decade. She was a background pony, and her death might as well have been a background event instead of posing as the climactic cliffhanger of the chapter. Claiming to have the tech to rebuild a mare a-la-Robocop feels like a much better stopping point.
I say this with Sweetie Belle being far and away my favorite CMC and close to the top of my best pony list. I'm disappointed in you for wasting a perfectly good death on an underdeveloped character. I don't expect you to go back and change it. Just please think about whether the audience is going to really care when a character dies, and don't assume they will just because the character hails from show canon.
Side note: Shouldn't the battle hymn of the crystal heart have kept Fluttershy from feeling the shock of her actions?
You're still keeping my like and my fave for your combat scenes, your Twilight, and your humanoid OCs. You do an awesome job with those things. It's really annoying, though, when an author kills off a bit character and expects me to care. Maybe you could make me care about Sweetie's death later by showing me more of her life from before so I feel for it after the fact, but that'd still be putting the cart before the horse, so to speak.
Speaking of combat scenes, what's going on with Twilight? My popcorn's starting to go stale...
Guile's theme goes with FUCKING EVERYTHING.
Also you are horrible person for killing off Sweetie Belle. I'm strangely not as angry, confused, or upset as I should be. I think it's because you've emphasized the "War is Hell" aspect far too little in most of the story, only allowing brief glimpses via Twilight's psyche, and even then only on unimportant characters, enemies, or flashback characters we know are alive. Sweetie's death seems almost...needed.
Also Guile's theme goes with FUCKING EVERYTHING!
2566788
It's not the line in the sand, it's the straw that broke the camel's back. For instance, in one of my stories, I have a scene where Shining and Cadance have a little lovin' that's borderline clop. It happens once, I avert the messy details, and continue. It's something that happens, and I get past it. I don't put a sex tag, because it was a one time thing that did not reflect the the story as a whole.
However, if I kept on writing sexy fun times, that's entirely different matter. It becomes center stage, a more mainstream focus of the story. What shiro is doing is exactly that. He keeps showing the horrors of war without consequence. That's dark stuff. If it happens on occasion, that's fine, but if it keeps coming, we have a problem.
It's not about what is right, or about what should or shouldn't be in a story, it's about tone. This story has a darker tone, and it can trick new readers into believing it's more lighthearted. Once we get deeper, however, we see that is not the case. Killing people, gruesomely in fact, is something you can exactly shrug off.
I agree with him. This story does deserve a dark tag. What's on the tin is not what is IN the tin.
OH NO YOU DON'T!
Sorry, but cyborgs are never a good sign.
If we are unlucky, we will get a snapped Technia leading an army of Awakened.
bestgamewallpapers.com/files/command-conquer-3-kanes-wrath/the-awakened.jpg
If we are lucky... Well, let's just say that Equestria might get Viktor on their side.
gamereplays.org/community/uploads/post-71856-1324737299.jpg
2566695 The Dratali sent enough forces to wipe out an Alliance planet because they thought that Avol would be a threat. They have superior technology and training yet the Equestrians are able to hold them off. If that's not good then I don't know what is. And of course moments like when Applejack got stabbed and when Celestia lost her magic are both setbacks, the way these scenes are written make it seem like Avol is winning. Even if Spike is injured, he took down that massive mech. You have Pinkie Pie, that crazy tech mare, Fluttershy, Vinyl, all of the everyone that is skilled with magic. Either you need to write more scenes with Alliance losses or you need to seriously cut back on the badassery of the Alliance side. Because the way I see it, the Alliance is beating the Dratali.
2566838 I suppose you are right about the dark tag. To be honest, when I started this I didn't plan on most of these dark scenes even being there, they kinda just happened.
2566788
The kids were background characters and her mentor was little more than a side character, Sweetie Belle is a character we know and love. I said it was borderline dark and was hoping that death would remain with minor background characters. I don't read dark or tragic fics, especially when they are not even labeled as such. He has show that story can and probably will get worse from here on in.
2566957 I didn't intend for the story to be as dark as it's gotten, honestly. I can assure you, however, this is as bad as it gets. There's only two or three more chapters of the war, and it'll start get brighter from here (other than the inevitable sad scene after the war). If you decide to drop the story, I'm sorry to hear that, but I'd be grateful if you keep with it. After all, you've come this far.
PS I've added the dark tag. As I said, this wasn't suppose to get this dark.
Nice story and all but I couldn't continue after 40.