Rick Gartners begins a new and vivid life in a mythical world he knows not much of.
Between two difficult choices to leave or stay, Rick Gartners chose the former and was sent to Equestria to be reunited with his beloved and adopted daughter, Fluttershy. However, Rick must habituate himself to a brand new world full of ponies.
A planet where I was born on; a planet where I spent several of my years isolated in a house from everybody including my foster parents; a planet... I once called home. Why was it once called my home? Well, sit awhile for those who find this diary, and prepare yourselves for the unbelievable tale that lies within. A tale about my new life in a different world. My life... in Equestria.
It had been a whole month since my arrival here, a quaint yet peaceful place inhabited by talking, technicolored ponies whose culture can be almost compared to ours. When I used to be a child, I always held the belief that there were many different worlds out there other than ours. I was right, and never had I thought out of every one of them I would end up on this one.
But it was for a personal cause; the reason I'm here; the whole purpose I abandoned Earth for, was because of a certain pegasus. A butter-colored, pink maned pegasus to be exact. Her name is known as Fluttershy, my adopted and beloved daughter I had raised on Earth. If it weren't for her, my life wouldn't have turned so different; I would never have learned the passions of love and kindness.
However, now that I'm living in Equestria, things were going to be different. This world being full of mystical creatures that are mainly herbivorous, it'd be likely that I won't find any meat in town to buy. What I had to do, granted by Fluttershy's blessing, was catch fish just by using a thick stick carved as a spear with a rope tied at the end of it at a spot several miles from the cottage. It would take around half an hour walking to and another walking back from the path I chose, located on Equestria's Map
Following the course of the river (directly above Everfree Forest) flowing to the right would lead to a lake right of Ponyville which is where I fish at. The first time I brought my food back home, cooking it, Fluttershy wasn't too fond of the smell. So from that point, I had to bring along twigs and some flint to cook at the lake.
Continuing. Without my own home to live under, Fluttershy heavily insisted I'd stay in her house until Celestia can receive approval with the royal council to have the ponies build a house for me.
About the residents of Ponyville, the first time I was seen in their town let's just say their reactions were a bit... hysterical. They accused me of being an alien, which I figured it'd be natural of a reaction likewise. Some of them claimed me as some sort of monster or an animal due to my anatomy similar to an ape's, but the monster bit could be related to who knows what.
Celestia had to reassure her subjects I posed no threat or harm to them. While a few abide by their ruler's words, others remain wary whenever I'm around. I wouldn't blame them. I'm sure my world would react the same way if an alien was discovered. Whether it'd be a cartoon pony or whatever.
Anyway, Fluttershy begged for me to come live with her. Much as I didn't want to impose, I couldn't turn down those beautiful, piercing blue eyes of hers. It was every time I saw them I would remind myself of the timid filly I had raised on Earth, and I'd then perk up a gentle smile and pull her in for a hug.
Funnily enough, her friends; Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Spike, never knew all about Fluttershy in my world. Heck, I had to tell them the story of my years raising her. While we were surprised why Celestia, especially Twilight, hadn't explained to them how Fluttershy ended on Earth in the first place, we decided things were probably better left unsaid. Whatever the teacher and her student wanted to hide, I'll respect their discretion.
With that, I will stop writing here for tonight.
Here I sat on a little wooden chair in front of a brown desk table, both not fitted for my ginormous size, for what could have been countless hours in the middle of the night. To my right on the table was a tiny, half-full ink bottle, and pinched between my right hand's index finger and thumb was the quill to dip it in with. To my left was a golden candlestick. A speck of flame whose round, burning aura lit up little of the environment, casting shadows behind any solid object, including myself. I lightly pushed myself away from the table as I stretched, letting out a hushed yawn.
"Whew," I softly whistled in relief, quiet enough so that I wouldn't disturb the peace since Fluttershy was sleeping in her bedroom upstairs. "Guess I should finally hit the hay." I then lightly chuckled to myself from making that remark.
Closing the journal's cover, and dipping the quill back into its ink bottle, I carefully rose from the chair and grabbed the candlestick as I made the way through the darkness from downstairs to upstairs. I tiptoed with my heels raised with each careful step. The hardware floor of the stairs moaned and creaked under the pressure of my weight, but not loud enough to wake Fluttershy's creatures from their sleep.
I reached the top of the stairway and approached her bedroom door with even more caution. Opening the door slowly, I peeked in and saw the pegasus sleeping peacefully underneath her beds' covers that have shapes of butterflies sewn across them. I stood for a minute admiring the precious scenery. She was so content, so peaceful. Squinting harder, I noticed she had her olive-colored blanket held tightly in her hooves. It was her very first gift she received from me. I'm grateful I brought it with me. The sentimental value of it was probably what triggered her hidden memories.
I can't fully explain it, but when Celestia sent the blanket back with me it somehow still carried all the memories of Fluttershy and I, along with the feather that was tucked in there.
Coming back to reality from reminiscing, I shook my head and proceeded inward and closed the bedroom door behind me. I blew the candle out and placed it on a shelf, and went to lie down on the sleeping bag Fluttershy kindly had set out for me next to her bed. For a while I stared at the ceiling above me, contemplating if Celestia will have that house permit someday soon...
Morning arrived when I heard the early birds chiming from outside and inside Fluttershy's cottage. The rays of the sun eventually made direct contact with my face as I felt the burning sensation. I then grumbled and shifted away from the obnoxious glares. However, the back of my head was getting hot and sweaty as I felt a trail of sweat run down my temple. The irritating heat finally awoke me that I sat up stretching my arms far and wide.
Yawning, I rubbed the sand out of my eyes and slowly cracked them open. Everything was blurry at first, but after blinking a few times my vision became much clearer. I shifted my sight to the direction of opened shutters on my right where the rays were beaming out from. There, I had a clear and perfect view of the sun goddess' star peaking halfway out behind the mountainous horizon. It illuminated the landscapes of Equestria with a vivid brilliance like it is breathing life into it. The great yonder above slowly converted from a fiery orange glow to an oceanic blue as the sun climbed higher and higher in the sky.
Everything here wasn't much different compared to Earth, yet Equestria had the most beautiful verdant landscapes I ever did see; the towering trees of various kinds, as well as the blankets of grass waving in the breeze, looked so healthy and colorful- in fact, they looked greener than the grass back at home.
I groggily stood up and took a glance around the bedroom and Fluttershy's empty bed. Since I couldn't find her, I hunched she had already woken up before I did. So with a couple of stretches and a mild jog down the stairs to get the blood pumping, I stepped off from the final stair-step while scratching the back of my bed head, grimacing at how oily my hair feels. I stopped and peered down at a familiar white rabbit sitting inches before my very feet like he'd been expecting me.
"Mornin' there, Angel." I greeted him with a smirk.
The snowy-white bunny also perked up a small smile, waving in return before he scurried off to the cottage's front door.
I met Angel on the second day of my stay here in Fluttershy's cottage. He was quite a sentient; the most intelligent rabbit I had come across. Whenever Fluttershy would ask of him for something he would reply either by nodding or shaking his head, or by doing charades even. Heck, I wished animals were that understanding in my world.
However, he wasn't a nice guy when I came into the picture and acted rather... "rude" (if I had to put it kindly as possible). Supposedly it would have to do with him meeting someone new, at least that was what Fluttershy told me. It took me some painful attempts at getting on his good side. I had Fluttershy explain to Angel that I raised her and kept her safe when she was on Earth, and once he had understood it all, he and I became buds.
Calling it pretty ironic; when Fluttershy had her very own pet rabbit named Angel, who looked vaguely similar to the one here in Equestria, she and that pet of hers were the best of friends. And here I am getting along with the other Angel. But, I would slightly cringe at the painful reminder of Angel's death, the one from Earth, of course. I remembered the way Fluttershy cried, the sound of her wailing and the grimacing look on her face when she found out he died. My heart felt like it got torn completely in half when I heard her cry for the very first time. I had never witnessed such grief, and I would pray it won't have to happen again to our Angel here. Hopefully not for many years, anyway.
I snapped to reality after hearing the sounds of birds chirping, and continued my way into the living room where Fluttershy was presumably in. When I ducked and passed through the threshold, sure enough, I saw my daughter sitting down on her haunches, humming softly to herself while tending a gray mouse whose squeaking indicated like it was in pain. Fluttershy tore off an end of the gauze and wrapped it around the mouse's tiny left arm diligently.
"There you go, little fella," Fluttershy cooed motherly-like, putting the bandage roll back into an open medkit beside her and closed it. "Now, what have we learned?"
The mouse squeaked a few times.
"That's right," Fluttershy nodded. "Never think anypony will leave a piece of cheese lying around. Still," her eyebrows partially narrowed. "Shame on that pony!"
The rodent gently wobbled its bandaged arm and smiled. Grateful, the mouse went over and gave Fluttershy a long and tender hug before it scampered back into its newly found hole of a home in one of the cottage's walls.
That was one of the things I love about Fluttershy; whenever there were animals who wanted or needed help, she would be the perfect pony for the job. Illnesses? She could diagnose. Injuries? She could treat them. There wasn't anything Fluttershy couldn't do when it came to animals. She was, after all, the Element of Kindness; she was my dear Shy.
I took another step forward, and the creaking sound of the wooden floor caused Fluttershy's ears to prick as she straightened up. She turned her head left, looking at me with a sigh of relief.
"Good morning, Father. Did you sleep well?" she asked warmly, trotting towards me with the medkit carried in her left-wing.
I knelt on one knee and allowed her to trot in for a hug. Combing my fingers in her mane running down from her neck, the silky strands of her hair were undeniably silky, soothing as each of my fingers brushed through them without encountering any knots.
"And a good morning to you too," I replied, planting a small kiss on her forehead. Letting go, I stood back up to my feet. "That mouse another guest I should be introduced to?"
"Oh I haven't given her a name yet," Fluttershy replied, moving over to a cabinet planted on a wall left of the threshold I came in from. "She tried to take a cube of cheese from a mousetrap in another pony's house, and luckily her left arm was the only thing that got injured," she explained.
Fluttershy used her right wing to open the wooden cabinets, and inside of them were filled with assorted rows of medical supplies: pill bottles of various cures, cough drops, and other medicinal ointments. She stashed the medkit inside and closed the cabinet. She then lowered her head and stared at the ground, loathing. Part of me always found it uncharacteristic seeing her loathe. Then again, the situation did involve an injured rodent.
"The nerve of somepony!" Fluttershy scolded again out of the blue. "Why would they want to hurt such a delicate creature. All she wanted was some food...." she said sullenly.
I slightly flinched as I felt the pang rushing through my heart again. I hated seeing Fluttershy so sad and depressed. As a father, it was my duty to comfort her when she necessarily needed it, so I approached her and once again knelt to stroke the sullen mare's elegant mane with a gentle hand.
"I wouldn't know why, either," I said sympathetically. "But we can be thankful that she didn't end up... you know."
"I know..." Fluttershy sighed. She swiveled her head to look straight into my eyes as her perfectly-round, large orbs were reflecting with that of dread.
I moved my hand from the top of her head to her face's left cheek, rubbing away a single tear with a thumb. "Maybe they don't get it as you do. I'm sure whoever used that trap would have known they've made someone upset, they'd probably feel very, very sorry," I said. "But the good thing is that your new friend is still alive and feeling better after you patched her up. If you're sad, then I'm sad, and I'm sure we wouldn't want to ruin such a perfect morning feeling gloomy."
I saw Angel pop from atop the thickness of Fluttershy's mane, nodding.
"See," I pointed at Angel with my other free hand. "Even Angel agrees. So why not we put the thought aside for now and enjoy this beautiful time of the day?"
"O-okay..." Fluttershy murmured, pawing the floor with her hoof.
Given the sound of that depressing tone, I stood up, thinking about what I could do to cheer her up. "Hmm," I hummed thoughtfully, stroking my chin. Seconds later, an idea had sprung. "I'll tell you what," I started. "Why not we take a trip down to... Sugarcube Corner, is it? And we can have your friend Pinkie Pie make you your favorite dessert: a simple cupcake filled with whip cream in its center and vanilla icing slathered on top. What do you say?"
Exhilarated, Fluttershy's lips rose with a smile. "That would be delightful," she said, fluttering excitedly. "But," she briefly glanced around the squirrels, rabbits, ducks and other small creatures surrounding her. "It's almost feeding time, and I can't just leave my animal friends unfed for a while longer. That'd be unfair to them."
"I know you're obliged to care for your animal friends, but you can't always stay cooped up inside your little home most of the time almost every day."
What are you talking about? You pretty much did the same thing back on Earth. Talk about being a hypocrite. My brain pestered me.
'That's a whole different story.' I retorted. 'Fluttershy is just... well, shy! I have a different reason why I'm anti-social.'
Yeah, yeah. Being neglected and all that holla-boo-loo-wee. My brain mocked matter-of-factly. But your "daughter" wants to stay and feed the animals she considers as friends. Which seems to make her happy. Isn't that what you want for her?
'...'
At that point I had nothing else to say, although my conscience was right. If Fluttershy wanted to do what makes her happy, I should encourage.
"Actually," I shook my head. "Nevermind what I just said. You're right. It would be unfair to them. So how about this: I'll be going fishing, and later on, after fishing, I'll make a pit stop at Pinkie's place and bring the cupcakes along the way back."
Fluttershy perked her head up at me again, smiling brighter than before. "Thank you, Father," she said happily.
"You're welcome, my dear Shy," I replied with a heartwarming grin.
I headed over and sat down on the green, dwarf-sized couch in the living room, letting minutes pass by while I went through an imaginary checklist of today's plans inside my head. After I would have to change out of my pajamas and into my clothes I would have to visit Twilight's place so I could return a book I borrowed.
Next, I would have to stop at Rarity's if she could patch a hole in one of my blue jeans. I wouldn't be sure if she were able to but I figured since our clothes weren't any different, she should have no problem patching a simple hole.
After I would get all those chores done, I would be able to then take the rest of the day fishing at the lake.
Getting up, my left shoulder suddenly popped with a jolt of pain.
"Ah!" I winced, groaning loudly.
Fluttershy, who was about to head out to do her daily chores around the house, came galloping back in.
"Father, are you okay?!" she asked, panicking. "Do you need to go to the hospital?!"
I waved with my other hand as a sign of 'no need to', then rubbed the painful soreness on my shoulder.
"No, no," I groaned with gritted teeth. "Either the muscles are contracting or somehow the shoulder's joints dislocated. Nothing to get too worried about."
Fluttershy quickly fluttered over next to me, examining the lower front of my shoulder with her hooves. "I think your shoulder may have dislocated," she confirmed.
"Okay..." I excessively inhaled. "I'm going to need you to do something because I can't do it myself. I need you to grab hold of my hand..."
"U-um, okay..." Fluttershy stuttered. She did as I said and grabbed the base of my palm nervously.
"Alllriiiight," I exhaled and braced myself. "Pull as hard as you can, but don't do it until I count to three. One..."
"Um, Dad, I don't know if I-"
"Two..."
"Is it going to hur-"
"Three!"
She pulled my arm hard as she possibly could, and I screamed out to God at the top of my lungs. My agonizing scream was so loud if Luna were still banished on the moon she probably would have heard it.
After the torment of having my daughter relocate my dislocated shoulder, I prepared the day by changing out of my flannel pajamas and into my normal clothes, and then I gathered some stuff and put them inside Fluttershy's saddlebag which I've currently borrowed.
I took a quick inspection of the bag to assure I hadn't forgotten what I needed to bring.
Twilight's book to return. Check.
Spare jeans with a torn hole needing to be patched. Check.
Map of Equestria. Check.
Some dead twigs, flint, and a fishing spear. Check.
I fumbled around the items thoroughly, seeing if there was anything else I didn't miss.
Special sauce... Check.
All items accounted for, and without delay, I headed for the front door and opened it swiftly. Taking several steps outside, the morning sun hovering above the sky was briskly yellow and incredibly hot. This is the season of summer, after all. I furrowed my brows and crossed the small bridge, meanwhile following the dirt road leading to Ponyville.
A few feet further down past the bridge, I noticed my daughter was watering her beds of lilies and daisies to my left. She was lullabying happily, content in her blissful singing that I stopped to briefly admire her angelic tone. Her melody was invigorating, my whole body could just melt from her soothing voice.
"Alright, Fluttershy," I shouted to her softly, waving an arm in the air. "I'm going over to Twilight's, then Rarity's, then the lake. I'll probably be back..." I paused to estimate. "Around four to five hours."
Fluttershy heard as she gently lowered her watering can with her mouth. "Just a second," she said, trotting towards me.
Pretty much every time or every day, Fluttershy always would stop me to hug me and wish for my safe travels before I'd leave, and whenever I'd return home she'd also be waiting at the front door and welcome me with her ever contagious smile. How it warmed my heart each time I'd see that smile.
Fluttershy wrapped her forehooves around my left leg, smothering it. "Come back home safely." she cooed as she released my leg.
"I will," I said with a chuckle.
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After several minutes of walking, I finally made it to Ponyville. Ponyville was a nice and quiet town, littered with ponies and foals of various kinds; pegasi, ponies who were able to fly and could alter conditions of the weather by using their wings. Unicorns, ponies who could cast and use varying levels of magic with a spark of their horns. And there were your average earth ponies without wings nor horns.
Some locals I passed by would gesture a welcoming wave or shoot a friendly shout if they noticed me. Others plainly would look away or act like I was inconspicuous. Being disregarded bothered me, but I'd shrug and just go along my business as well.
Two weeks ago, Celestia did offer to turn me into a pony so I would fit in better. However, I had told her I'd rather die if that were to happen because being turned to a pony didn't seem pleasing. Plus, I wouldn't get used to it. While it seemed a bit rash that I had said that to her, she respected my decision nonetheless.
Unfortunately, whenever I had to say her name in public, I'd have to pronounce her formerly as Princess Celestia so her servants, followers, and loyal subjects wouldn't get offended. It was annoying but there wasn't much I could do anything about it, although I will continue to call her Celestia in this diary.
Continuing. This village was lively, and at least a couple of ponies of Ponyville were kind enough to point me the location of Twilight's house when I asked for directions. No thanks to those who ignored me, of course...
Twilight, and the rest of her friends, including my beloved daughter, were pretty well known throughout town from their heroic deeds. I heard they stopped Nightmare Moon from bringing an endless night and turned Discord, a spirit of chaos and disharmony, completely to stone; preventing him from reigning over Equestria.
There was another story about Shining Armor's (Twilight's Big-Brother-Best-Friend-Forever. Try saying that three times fast...) wedding in Canterlot.
Twilight suspected that her brother's fiance, Cadence, princess of the crystal kingdom, was acting unusually... "bitchy". It was an imposter named Chrysalis, a changeling queen who had the real Cadence held captive and wanted to rule Equestria. She was very close too, I'd say closer than Nightmare Moon or Discord, but Shining Armor and Cadence's love somehow triumphed and repelled Chrysalis and her invasion.
However nothing, and I mean nothing, could compare what my daughter did to save the town one time; she stood up to a full-grown, fire-breathing dragon! I heard Twilight and her friends had to get rid of the mythical creature. Otherwise, the black smoke it created would shadow Equestria for the next one-hundred years! When Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, failed to convince the dragon to leave, it was my daughter who persuaded the lizard to leave! Heck, she even reformed Discord when he was freed from his statue prison and Celestia herself said she was the only one capable of doing it.
Unbiological though we were, I was still extremely proud of her; proud as much as a father of his daughter could.
With the help of a few pointers, I found Twilight's humble abode that was her treehouse. When the ponies mentioned treehouse, I took the term like it was a teeny, tiny house built on top of a tree. I was dead wrong. I realized that when they said treehouse, literally they meant that it was an actual tree. A big, bulky tree refined as a livable home. It had glass windows, a balcony, including a door with a 'welcome' mat lying out front.
I walked, stood, and wiped my black Nikes over the mat, then I loosened my shoulders to ease up a little. Three weeks ago, the first time I visited her place, I felt pretty awkward when Twilight and I discussed why my culture needed clothes to stay warm and how it kept them from looking at our "special" areas. What was terrifying was that Twilight seemed fascinated by our anatomy and said she'll want to perform experiments (as she called it) on me one day.
I shuddered from that unsettling memory, praying it won't happen. Couldn't blame her, though. She was always eager for learning new things.
Shaking off the awkward memory, I knocked on the tree's wooden door and waited for a response. From the other side, I heard clopping sounds, getting closer and closer, thus the door opened and standing before me was the egghead (a word I abducted from Rainbow Dash) herself, Twilight Sparkle.
Her horn glowed an aura of lilac, vibrant like a lit candle, synced to the door's knob. Yes, quite frankly, she had a knob on her door this time...
Twilight immediately acknowledged who I was and the corner of her lips rose to a cheeky smile. "Oh hey there, Rick," she said in a gleeful tone. "I take it you're here to return a certain thing you've borrowed?"
"Heh, you presume correctly," I quipped. "So, are you going to let me in?" I asked, raising a brow.
"Of course, of course," Twilight happily obliged. The witty unicorn trotted aside, granting me a clear entry into her lovely home. I nodded appreciatively and stepped inside.
"How was the story?" Twilight began, looking at me curiously.
"It was good," I replied. "Although I'm not entirely into horror or thriller stories. More of an action type, you know. A good read nevertheless."
Twilight closed the door with another spark of magic. "I thought it was interesting. Then again, I find all books interesting," she added.
"A lonely filly meandering around Everfree Forest, trying to find her way back home, then encounters a strange pony with a magnifying glass for a cutie mark." I quoted in a ghostly tone, wiggling my fingers while adding a bit of an 'Ooo' for more eeriness effect.
Twilight childishly giggled at my silly charade. "I wouldn't say it like that, but it probably would've been scarier if I read it that way." She then went over to me with an innocent smile plastered on her face. "The book, if you please?" she asked politely.
I pulled the weighted novel out of the bag and handed it to Twilight. "Here you go."
With another glow of her horn, the aura enveloped the book as it levitated from out of my grasp and onto one of the bookshelves that were ultimately aligned with even more assorted books.
"Anyways. Have you obtained a letter from C- I mean, have you obtained a letter from Princess Celestia about the permit?" I inquired.
"Not yet," Twilight replied discouragingly. "But I'm sure it'll be around today!" she said cheerfully.
"I understand you're trying to cheer me up, but I'm still pretty anxious if the council doesn't approve," I said, walking back and forth with a hand planted over my mouth.
"You really shouldn't worry. I have faith that Princess Celestia will convince them."
"But it's been two weeks now!" I exclaimed. "And I'm not sure what to do if I don't get the permit. I don't like living in my daughter's house as a freeloader. It's unfair to her."
"I'm sure Fluttershy doesn't mind. Really," Twilight smiled reassuringly. "She is the element of kindness, after all. More importantly, she's your daughter. If there is any problem, she'll support you all the way because-"
"Because she loves me," I cut Twilight off. "With every ounce of her beating heart. Still, I just can't bear the thought of taking up space- let alone have her wash my clothes for me."
"Hmm," Twilight hummed, staring at the floor like she was brainstorming. "Well," she quickly rose her head back up. "If anything happens and you don't get your permit, why not look for a job? Applejack or Rarity will be more than happy to hire you."
It was rather ironic; Twilight and her suggestions of what jobs I could apply, reminded me of Tina back on Earth. Tina... I usually thought about her from time to time throughout the entire month, wondering how she was handling life that I'm no longer around. I mean, the entire month I'd been on Equestria, it should be thirty years on Earth. I couldn't imagine how many things changed; Tina probably should be old by then, or maybe dead. I don't know. But I shouldn't dwell on the past anymore. What was done was done; water under the bridge. On Equestria with my dear Shy, that was all I ever wanted, and I'm glad I made that decision.
"I appreciate it. But I'm not the type of man who enjoys physical labor. And I'm not particular to cosplaying as a barbie for a fashionista."
"I-" said Twilight before she suddenly paused, cocking a brow. "'Barbie'? What's that?" Twilight questioned, staring at me bemusedly yet also curiously. And I knew the moment she had asked that question, something made me guess that I was going to stay here longer than I estimated I would...
"Ah jeez..." I muttered, face-palming.
------------------
"That's entirely what they are. Toys. Plain and simple."
Twilight and I were still standing at the center of her living room, and I had finished explaining to the curious unicorn about Barbie Dolls for which she was curious. There wasn't much to talk about, really; I only knew what they looked like and nothing else, although Twilight wanted to know more about me and my world. She had asked question after question regarding Earth. What was our food like? What different types of languages were we able to speak? How did we evolve from the primitive era to the revolution of advanced technology? So many things I couldn't answer quickly. It was just like the time when we first conversed.
I didn't know how long time had passed, so I lifted an index finger and put it on Twilight's lips to hush her.
"Hold on a second," I said as I looked through a window where the sun was setting nearly at mid-point in the ocean-blue sky. "Oh great, it's a quarter over noon!" I exclaimed. "Sorry, Twilight, but I must be going to Rarity's while it's still bright out. Perhaps we can continue this at ano-"
Suddenly, I was interrupted when a blur of purple and green bolted down the stairs and stopped right between me and Twilight.
"You're going over to Rarity's?!" exclaimed Spike, hopping up and down like an excited school girl.
Spike was a baby dragon and Twilight's number one assistant (so he proclaimed). He had purple scales and green spikes with a pair of sharp, emerald eyes. Being a baby dragon he was, he could only spew jets of tiny flames. But he had another unique talent; he could send corresponding scrolls to Princess Celestia by using his magical flames. He could also belch out messages from Princess Celestia. He had been living with Twilight ever since he was born, so their bond to one another was that of a brother and sister. They were pretty inseparable.
This was the second time I met the scaly dwarf. The first time we didn't get to acquaint ourselves due to "things" that I dared not to speak of it again.
Spike was practically down on his knees, tugging on my blue jeans. "Did you say you're going over to Rarity's?! Can I come?! Please, please, please!" he pleaded.
He was really serious about wanting to go with me. I shrugged cluelessly while staring at Twilight who just stood there rolling her eyes.
"Well," Twilight began with a smile. "Since there are no things needed to be done for a while, I suppose you can follow Rick to Rarity's. That is if he doesn't mind?"
"Long as we get there soon, I have no problem with that." I comply, nodding.
"Then what are we waiting for!?" hollered Spike while pushing me impatiently.
"Okay, okay. Stop shoving would ya. I guess I'll see you next time." I said, waving dismissively at Twilight.
"Alright. I'll see you later then." Twilight replied, hollering.
Just like that, I was finally shoved outside as Spike and I marched onward to Rarity's place.
So there I was, sitting boringly on a green and small wooden stool with crossed arms and a tapping foot, waiting for a certain fashionista to finish some dress she had been designing for nearly thirty minutes. Spike, who accompanied me on the trip to Rarity's boutique, had been gawking at the unicorn-like eye candy ever since we'd got there.
I'd been watching him following her like a dog on a leash, and it was no surprise to me why he was acting that way. When we had time alone, I talked to him about his huge crush on the mare. He was utterly shocked how I figured it out (not sure why he would be, his demeanor was readable as a book) but he had me "Pinkie Promise" to never tell anyone or anypony. I'm sure Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy (maybe the entire damn village) may have already known for a while now, although I'm surprised Rarity hadn't. Maybe she did and didn't tell Spike. I wouldn't know for certain.
For another ten minutes, I sat, bored out of my mind, waiting while the unicorn was in her private quarters for the near passing hour, and after all that time I still hadn't received a message from Celestia.
Twilight did say it was to arrive very soon, but I had major doubts. Speaking of Twilight... I noticed how she had been so obsessed with my world and my kind lately. I would understand her undying thirst for knowledge but she was acting far too fascinated. Heck, I was scared if it'd come to a point where she'd want to... mate with a human being. I wouldn't think it's wrong, not when our worlds share some similarities. But, a human and a pony in a relationship? It just doesn't sound right.
Then, the doors of Rarity's quarters squeaked as they opened, which made me sprung up in anticipation.
"I'm done!" chimed Rarity musically, opening and trotting out of the said door with a pair of my jeans levitating beside her. And there was the gullible baby dragon, following behind her in pursuit.
Rarity was one of Twilight's best friends and the bearer of the 'Element of Generosity'. I did admit, for a pony herself she looked pretty stunning. She had a pristine, pearly white coat with a dark purple mane and tail. Her diamond-cutting blue eyes allured me with interest, and I found myself intrigued by the profundity of her accent as well. Her curly mane and tail were bouncing up and down vigorously as she trotted toward me.
"About time," I groaned as I rose up, stretching my aching back. "I was getting drowsy there for a minute."
"You can never rush work of art. Here you go, Darling," said Rarity, levitating the patched-up pants over to me. "I did what I could, but you'll have to pardon if the patch's colors are... unmatched."
That said, I examined the back of the jeans and saw a circular, white patch sewn on the left back pocket of where the damage used to be.
"If I may ask... did you get that hole by some sort of fire incident?" She added.
I hadn't given her an answer right away. Rather, I took a moment looking over my jeans seeing Spike's cheeks glowing pinkish red while he fiddled guiltily with his claws.
My face was as deadpanned as a professional poker player when I stared at Spike, who gulped nervously. I jerked back my sight at Rarity and raised a sly smirk.
"Yeah," I replied nonchalantly. "I was out fishing one day when suddenly I tripped backward and landed on my small fire pit. Next thing I knew, my pants were on fire. Thank God I was near a lake. If I wasn't, I would have lost my wallet along with a good pair of jeans."
I was always a pretty good liar, and I had to thank my foster father for that reason.
"Goodness gracious," Rarity gasped dramatically.
"No joke." I agreed curtly as I stuffed the patched jeans in Fluttershy's saddlebag. "Well, thanks for helping out with the jeans and whatnot."
Rarity flicked a hoof. "No thanks are necessary, Darling. After all, the other girls and I greatly appreciate what you've done for Fluttershy."
"Mhmm." I hummed, nodding. "And much as I'd like to stick around for the message I have other plans in mind."
"I understand," Rarity replied. "But if there is anything else I can do for you please don't be afraid to ask."
"Well," I stroked the bottom of my chin. "If it's not too much to ask; do you think you can make a couple of clothes for me?"
"Of course!" Rarity answered gingerly. "I'm gonna need to measure you in order to make them," then a vibrant aura of blue glowed around her horn and a yellow measuring tape covered in the exact aura was taken out of a nearby drawer and floated next to her.
"Oh, no, no, no," I shook my head. "Sorry but I don't mean right now; seeing that I'm a tad late on certain things, why not we do this at another time or day?"
"Very well," Rarity said with a pinch of disappointment. "I was kind of eager to make something I've never made before. But I'll be glad to set up an appointment."
"Cool," I said, walking out toward the door. "Ciao." I two-finger saluted.
I walked restlessly through the village of Ponyville out toward the direction where the lake was located. The residents of the town were lively and noisily; the mares and stallions were playing happily with their foals, whether they'd be sons or daughters.
There were ponies behind market stands where they were selling quality fruits or vegetables to any welcoming customers. How much it reminded me of the times the city on Earth was once like this. Everybody was happy; they had cars, jobs, families, and a life ahead of them. But when corruption became far too great, everything that was once perfect went downhill. However, I no longer had the sympathy for whatever happened to it. My life here, in Equestria; in Ponyville, where I had a few friends and a loving daughter, was all that mattered to me.
After the tedious journey, I finally arrived at the lake where I would spend the majority of the day doing. Fishing. Fishing was my second hobby before writing. I abducted the habit of fishing when my foster father would always take me fishing with a couple of his jerks for friends. I remembered the first few times trying to fish. I'll be honest, it was the most boring, uninteresting, exhausting experience I ever had during my adolescent years that it made me wish I was dead. Throughout the couple years of fishing, though, I've grown more fond of the peace and tranquility fishing had and I found it very relaxing.
Anyway, I finally reached my usual spot underneath a tall and aged willow tree sitting close to the border of the lake's clear, crystalline waters. The willow swayed smoothly by the gentle breezes, and the bark was pretty rigid and rough throughout the years of aging. The sun was settled at the sky's center, and there was nobody else around but me and the collection of warm breezes calmly passing by.
I gazed into the water, looking at the sparkling flecks of the fiery sun dancing along the lake's surface while I made way to the cool shade beneath the willow's canopy. Sitting down, I rummaged through the saddlebag (which Fluttershy kindly let me borrowed) full of dead twigs, a couple of flints, a bottle of refreshing water, and lastly my handcrafted wooden spear. Trying to catch fish with a spear was really such a chore. Every attempt had to count, otherwise, I'd have to come home without dinner.
Fluttershy wouldn't let me go unrewarded, of course. When the couple previous times where I had fished and returned home without a single catch, she'd whip up a tasty salad sundae (Angel's favorite), with a cherry on top. I'd imagine dessert and salad wouldn't go great together but that wasn't until I had my first dish, and in my opinion, it wasn't all that bad as it turned out to be. Can't compare it to normal desserts. But still, it tasted good.
After I've taken everything out of the saddlebag, I gathered the twigs and had them standing like a miniature teepee with the flint placed aside. Before I did anything else, a large splashing sound caught my astute attention. I glanced at the ripples of the lake and saw nothing out of the ordinary.
"Huh, must've been a fish jumping out of the water," I said, shrugging, then I went back focusing on getting the rest of the dead twigs out of the bag.
There was the splash again, yet it sounded very close that time.
I looked back to the lake... and this time I saw something swimming towards the shore. Curious, I stood up with the spear held in hand and cautiously approached what I assumed to be a fish coming closer and closer to me. Guess first catch is a giveaway I grinned.
There it stopped right almost at the edge of the shore where the water was a foot deep. Since the waters in Equestria were clean and so clear, I leaned in closer to see what the fish looked like. It was... a clown fish, and I don't mean the tropical marine one, by clownfish literally the creature bore a makeup of a clown. It was surprisingly large, too. I lowered my spear and squatted down to get an even closer view.
After looking at it, the fish caught me off guard when it jumped high and squirted a good chunk of water right at my face. I fell backward and became utterly bemused beyond comprehension.
Echoing out of the blue, I heard someone chortling uncontrollably. The sound of his hysterical laughter wasn't any news to me as I knew who the trickster was.
The clownfish disappeared in a magical puff of smoke and there, I saw a very tall, slender creature with appendages of varied animal parts floating above the lake who was bursting into tears of laughter.
"You should've seen the look on your face," Discord chuckled, mimicking my surprised expression. "Priceless, hahaha."
Discord, as I figured it would have been. I should have expected that an actual clown fish was a bit fishy right at the start, but there were times I believed that I have seen everything, like a week ago when I saw wolves made out of timber at the edge of the Everfree Forest across the river. I did remember Fluttershy had told me that they were timberwolves; dastardly beasts that act similar to the normal ones from Earth, except more ferocious.
Losing my train of thought there for a moment, I reverted back to reality realizing my clothes were merely soaked by Discord's prank.
"Heh," I snorted as I rose up, straightening my wrinkled and slightly drenched t-shirt. "That was a pretty good one, Discord."
----------
Moments had gone by while Discord and I shared a few jokes here and there. He told me a time when he magically removed all of Celestia's hair and ate it on a cone-like as if it were cotton candy. Boy did I laugh so hard at hearing that. Of course, it was just a harmless prank, and Discord did say he gave her hair back to its original form. How I wished I was there to see it all, though.
When it was my turn telling a joke, I told him there was a time I met Apple Bloom and her two other friends, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, and when they asked of me where fillies came from, I explained to them that they came from their mother's behinds.
----------
Discord chilled on a floating lawn chair, taking a slight sip of a full glass of chocolate milk. "So, Rick," Discord began, swirling his glass' contents with his lion paw. "How has life been treating you lately?"
I was lying on the ground, my head against the willow tree, arms resting on my stomach and eyes sleepily half-lidded. "It's... okay so far," I sighed, shrugging. "I just want to get my own house and a well-payed job, but I can't do anything until I receive notice of Princess Celestia's message."
"Hmm," Discord hummed casually, readjusting his sunglasses. "Yes, that does sound troublesome, although it wouldn't surprise me if they much as decline the permit."
I turned my head at the draconequus, raising a quizzical brow. "Wouldn't surprise you?" I questioned. However, I just tossed the thought aside. "Ah, suppose you're right. Wouldn't surprise me either, given that they've never seen anything like me before."
"Perhaps they have, or perhaps they haven't," said Discord, spawning a trash bin with a snap of his talon whilst sipping the last of his chocolate milk.
"And what's that supposed to mean, are you saying that there's somebody other than me they've seen?"
Discord held the glass above him, his tongue sticking out to savor one last drop of his drink. He stared briefly into the glass, probably thinking if there was any more left. Then, he tossed the dishware in the trash bin and with another snap of his talon the bin disappeared.
The Spirit of Chaos sat up straight and bent his back forward, letting out a loud *crack* or *pop* that made me shudder. "Well," Discord grunted. "It appears that I must bid my farewells, Rick. But before I go I'd like to talk to you about one simple thing."
I too rose up and stretched while shooting a curious look at Discord. "And what would that be?" I asked.
"It's about that weapon you hold in your suitcase." Discord replied.
My brows narrowed. "You know you had no right to snoop in my belongings."
"Oh don't look at me like that, Rick," said Discord flatly, crossing his arms. "I only say this for Fluttershy's safety. Do you think it is necessary to hold on to something as dangerous as that?"
"I have it so I can protect me and my dear Shy. You don't have to worry."
"Me? Worry?" Discord pointed a claw on his chest in question. "I am the god of chaos. I needn't worry about small, ridiculous things. However, as I said before, I'm just saying that it probably isn't needed. If there is any trouble with Fluttershy at all, I will be there faster than a heartbeat." Discord took an x-ray monitor and held it over his chest, revealing his tiny, beating heart.
I stared down at the ground, with a palm covering my mouth. "I'll think about it," I said.
Discord perked a calm smirk. "Good. I must be off, for there is a chocolate fountain in Ponyville calling my name."
"Chocolate fountain? But I was at Ponyville's park not too long ago and I didn't see any chocolate fountain."
"Hm, hm, hm. Not until now," laughed Discord, wringing his claws. With a snap, he disappeared.
The day was nearing its end. The top-half of Celestia's sun merely peeked from the end of the horizon, coloring the sky above an orange, autumn glow. Where it was gradually descending to rest, allowing her sister's moon to take over the spotlight over the great yonder for the rest of the twenty-four-hour cycle.
The thin air surrounding me got cold as the breeze brushed coldly against my face's skin. Darkness approached as time elapsed; the moon started to rise from the east by the time the sun fully descended to the west. I was packing up my supplies, then I began hearing crickets chirping and the distinct cries of wolves howling far from a distance. In steady haste, I gathered my stuff, buried the bones of the delectable meal I caught and ate, and made my journey toward home. As I walked, while staring at the black magenta sky, I admired the vast collection of Luna's glimmering stars hanging from the heavens above. Sure the stars in Equestria were no different than Earth's, but it was just... beautiful to watch - a habit I always enjoyed doing.
It reminded me of when I used to camp outdoors when I was just a young boy. I remembered how I sat next to a campfire, star-gazing rather than listening to my step-father's shitty stories about his years as a wilderness scout or whatever shit he came up with. Most of the time I ignored him and his stories. Whenever I did pay attention, though, by God did he had a stern, narrating voice. It had me thinking he could have been some sort of narrator for a hero movie.
Moving on. Normally I'd venture the usual path that followed the river back to Fluttershy's cottage, but I instead went to Rarity's boutique to bring Spike back to Twilight's place. I told Rarity it'd best we reschedule the appointment for tomorrow, seeing it had gotten late.
"Why of course, darling," Rarity happily obliged. "I'll be seeing you later then. Ta-ta!"
With a simple nod, I resumed walking out the door with Spike following behind.
----------
After bringing the baby dragon back to Twilight's treehouse, it was no surprise that Twilight had asked if I'd come in for another "friendly conversation". Since I had to get back home before Fluttershy would become more worried, I replied that I'd have no time for another chit-chat.
Twilight, excited when she was, was disappointed by my answer but understood it completely.
"Well, thank you for bringing Spike back home. I appreciate it," said Twilight, beaming me a gentle smile.
I stood for a bit, itching the back of my head idly. "Thanks aren't necessary," I replied, returning her gesture with a grin.
Twilight glanced away from me momentarily as if something caught her attention. In a mere few seconds, she swiveled her sight back to me.
Her ears slightly pinned back, the purple unicorn raised her head and looked at me again. "Sooo," Twilight started, brushing her right foreleg with her left one as her face's cheeks glowed a faint blush. "You sure I can't convince you to come in for some sweet tea?" she offered.
Seeing as it was getting late by the minute, I shook my head, declining her offer. "Sorry, but I have to hurry," I replied. "Fluttershy must be very worried that I've been gone this long, and if I don't return home anytime sooner she'll probably become even more worried sick."
"That's true," Twilight agreed, albeit her tone sounded a little discouraged. "You know Fluttershy - always worrying and whatnot."
"That's just how she is," I huffed out a weak chuckle to Twilight's remark. "But," I added. "There is something I've been meaning to ask since I came here, yet I was too focused on the "Celestia getting me a license" business."
In an instant Twilight's ears stood straight up at attention. "Yes?" she eagerly questioned, her pupils sparkling as she tilted her head forward, listening attentively.
"Since I've only been here for about a whole month, I still know nothing about the locations, the stores and whatever in Ponyville. So I was wondering... if you'd like to become my tour guide for a week or two? That is if you don't have any plans."
"Hmm," Twilight hummed thoughtfully. She stood there for several seconds, meanwhile rubbing the bottom of her chin thoroughly with a hoof. "Just a sec," motioned Twilight before she closed the door.
I thought it seemed strange she told me to wait, but I considered she probably had to check her calendar or something. I rocked my arms back and forth, staring up at the stars while I waited for the purple unicorn.
Waiting... If there was one thing I hated most, it had to be waiting. Patience hasn't been particularly my thing. Even when I used to be young I hated it. Take for an example on my previous log in my diary; that dumbass register guy had it coming when he couldn't scan a damn carton of milk; he'd be better off scooping manure at a farm than working at a grocery store.
Dismissing that little rant there, I watched as the misty clouds shifted to reveal a full moon casting its passionate, lunar gaze down at me. Its radiance so bright, it formed my very own shadow. Said shadow only lied there, flat across the ground, mimicking whatever action I did like a mirror. Whenever I raised an arm or made a single step, it'd do the same.
After a single minute had gone by, Twilight finally opened the door and said, "I took your request into consideration."
"And?" I said, raising a brow.
"And I'll be glad to be your tour guide for a whole week, starting tomorrow at noon." Twilight cheerily finished.
"Great!" I said. "That'll give me enough time for my errands in the morning. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Safe travels, and good night." Twilight waved before closing the door once again.
Then, I overheard Twilight saying something beyond her door. I swore for a second I heard her squealing 'Yes!' repeatedly.
Not sure why she was getting pretty excited, but I chalked it up that being a tour guide must've been exciting for her. I'd probably be happy too if I got to be something I never was. Sadly, me becoming an author continued to remain a fantasy; a dream I believed could never come true. But a man could dream, couldn't he?
I turned around, humming a tune -- 'Time of Your Life' by Green Day -- to myself while treading toward to Sugarcube Corner, hoping I'd make it there before it'd close.
It was four weeks ago -- the second day after my arrival in Equestria -- that I first came to Sugarcube Corner when me, Fluttershy, Twilight, Rainbow, Applejack, Rarity, including Spike, were invited to Pinkie Pie's 'Welcome to Ponyville' party - a special party dedicated to me staying in their world. The building was a bakery and confectionery, decked out like what you'd expect a gingerbread house to be. Except it wasn't made out of candy, or at least I hoped not.
Speaking of Pinkie Pie, boy I'll tell ya, she was quite the most bubbly character I had ever met in my entire life. The minute she'd gotten all hyperactive there was no telling when she'd stop talking. She'd go blabbering on and on and on, I imagined she would have to stop to breathe. But no, she'd go on talking for hours. Centuries, if that were even possible.
Thing was, she was incredibly annoying when she wouldn't keep her yapper shut. Just... people of that kind tick me off. They feel the need to talk about anything unnecessary, whether the topics were pointless or not. I would love nothing more than give the right mind to punch them in the face just so they would shut the hell up. Of course, I wouldn't do such a thing to Pinkie Pie (much as I wanted to) because after all, she's one of my daughter's closest friends.
If I had to say one thing I liked about Pinkie Pie, it would be her sense of humor - a personality I could relate to. Replacing Celestia's ink with invisible ink, a bouquet rigged with sneezing powder, painting the apples of Appleacres of random colors. All those pranks Rainbow Dash told me were funny. Not as "comedy-gold" funny but simply funny nonetheless.
Anyway. When I arrived at Sugarcube Corner it was closed, so I resumed walking home, disappointed that I couldn't bring the cupcakes I promised to Fluttershy. While walking, I thought about Discord's interesting riddle. Assuming it was a riddle.
Perhaps they have or perhaps they haven't.
Was there some other human besides me? Would I not be only the only human living in Equestria? Given the confused, scrutinizing looks from the pony-folk, I would say that they hadn't seen anything like me, so I didn't know what Discord meant by what he said. Then again, Discord was always a very strange one.
Another concern did cross my mind. The weapon Discord mentioned; the revolver inside my suitcase. I knew very well the consequences of possessing a lethal gun, but I wasn't going to stay in a world without any protection. What if I went out to the Everfree Forest (heaven forbid) for whatever reason alone? There's no telling what foul, mythical creatures lie in that forest. I could get attacked and the only thing I'd have to defend myself with would be an ineffective wooden spear and a couple of flints.
That's why I brought the revolver. If anything or anyone dared to try to harm me or my daughter they'd get a .44 lodged in their skull.
At last, after another trip of tedious walking, I was standing a couple of feet of distance from Fluttershy's cottage. It had been such a tiring cardio; the base of my forehead was sweating, the bottom of both my feet pulsated in soreness as they longed for the relaxation they so desperately needed.
Ever since I came to Equestria, I had been having a subsequent diet of fish meat and confectioneries. Mostly the latter. Fish meat's okay when it came to protein, but what would I'd give for some greasy bacon... Seeing as eating a ton of sweets was not only affecting my weight but it was also bad for my health. Heck, I didn't have any health care coverage. So I hereby swore myself to lay off the sugary delights as a resolution to this first day of summer's last month - August. Quite a shame, really, yet sacrifices had to be made for the sake of one's constitution.
Ponies and their homes in Equestria were small. A majority of them were either at or a couple centimeters shorter than the waist of an adult human. This excluded Celestia as she was the exact height of one such as myself. Because of their teen-ish size, it became a nuisance having to occasionally lower my head or crawl on fours just to enter each time. My daughter's home was an exception.
Her cottage was pretty broad, and the doorways were ideal for me to walk through without having to crawl. And how would I know? Because of a week and two days ago, when I came home after fishing, there was seriously a bear inside the place and boy was it humongous! I didn't think anything bigger than me could fit through the front door. I was dead wrong. Though much as it pained me to admit I, as a grown man, shouldn't have to live inside a hut crowded with animals. One of the other downsides was that Fluttershy didn't own a kitchen.
Just... I know I shouldn't complain about my daughter's home, but this was why I need a house of my very own - a crib that'd be perfect for me; a home where I'd have a normal couch to sit on, an actual comfy bed that wasn't a sleeping bag, a kitchenette to cook and eat my food in. And maybe an office for bills or stuff.
Bless Fluttershy's heart, anyway. She heavily insisted I'd come to live with her, and I never regretted doing so. I just hated the burden of freeloading, was all.
Raising a hand up, I prodded the cottage's door open further, allowing the cool air to spill inside the cottage. The metallic hinges eerily groaned as the door slowly swung out over the polished wooden floorboards. An unpleasing stench of animals lingering in the cottage washed over me like a tidal wave the moment the door opened. It smelled pretty bad, but after living in Fluttershy's cottage for a whole month it's something I kinda had to get used to.
Lowering my head, I cupped a hand to my mouth and softly hollered, "Fluttershy, I'm home!"
"Just a second," she too hollered back softly from her bedroom.
I hanged Fluttershy's saddlebag on a pristine coat rack stand to the right of me. The stand was made of fine oak; a gift from Rarity at the welcoming party. The fashionista was generous enough to pair it with a fancy black fedora (guess that'd be why she's nominated as the Element of Generosity). I hadn't worn it since but I didn't deny how 'arguably dashing', as she so lovingly put it, it'd go with my coal-black suit and pants if I wore it.
After passing the threshold I stood up to my full height, with my head inches away from touching the ceiling, and closed the door behind me.
I trudged further inward to the center of the cottage meanwhile examining my surroundings; the room was fairly small in size and held little furniture. There was a couch along one wall, a light green in color. The wall it rested on was actually created by a staircase housing an under-the-stairs closet. Across the couch was a small wooden table. On it rested a shiny glass vase, and three framed pictures; one which was of Fluttershy and Angel with a group of animals behind them, one of only Angel, and lastly, one of me holding Fluttershy in my arms. That picture, oh how it had me think back the day we took it. It was taken several months before the incident -- the tragic day of Angel's death -- back on Earth. She looked so young and angelic. Beautiful, I would also say. As she had gotten older she had retained her beauty, as well as her shyness for that matter. It'd make one inquisitive about how someone old can still look young and pretty. N-not that Fluttershy was old or anything. Actually, forget the last two sentences I've written. I'll just cross them and this out.
Popping out of that reminiscing montage, my eyes reverted their bleary gaze back to the luxurious-looking couch. The mere sight allured the temptation to sit on it, so I did just that. Moseying on over to the said furniture, I carelessly flopped down onto it as my rump sank into its plush cushion thus relieving the soreness from the bottom of my feet.
"That's much better...." I sighed in utter relief.
Untying my black Nikes and pulling them off, I lay them next to the couch. Stretching my legs over the table, I carefully rested my feet on top of it and closed my eyes temporarily.
After a minute or two, I raised an eyelid seeing Fluttershy already at the bottom of the staircase. She was pretty light on her hooves (what with being a pegasus and all), but it was interesting just how quiet her steps were; I didn't hear a single click or clop when she was coming down. That's where I mused on an engrossing theory -- maybe the gravity here was lighter than that of Earth's, or something else?
As a man who miserably failed his physics class in homeschool, I can't go 'Bill-Nye' with the whole "universal gravitation" mumbo-jumbo, so I plainly surmised Equestria's gravity being lighter than Earth's. Simple as that.
After a couple more steps, all of Fluttershy's hooves touched to the ground floor. She began trotting elegantly toward me, her pink tail drooping low enough that it was being dragged along the floor as she went. I've reminded myself a couple of times for the past week that her mane and tail were in need of desperate trimming, but the concern of it would always elude me for an odd reason...
"Welcome back home, Father," Fluttershy greeted with a warm smile, her pacing becoming slower as she'd gotten closer. "You must have had an awfully busy day coming home at this late hour." She said.
"Heh. It sure was an assiduous day," I replied wearily. "My feet and legs are so sore I think they're going to be numb tomorrow."
Fluttershy softly giggled, taking my remark as a joke. I swear, that delightful giggle of hers sounds as enchanting as an angel. Who'd I be kidding? Fluttershy practically was an angel; a heavenly, yellow-furred and pink-maned angel of a daughter whom I loved so very much.
She neatly strolled around the coffee table and hopped onto the green couch beside me. "Did you um... end up talking to Twilight today?" Fluttershy asked knowingly.
"Per usual," I nodded. "The conversation was cut short when Spike overheard me saying that I was going to Rarity's. He got so excited that he pleaded to come with," shifting closer, Fluttershy had the upper-half of her body laying on my lap, listening to my words attentively. "But I can't understand why he never has the guts to tell Rarity how he feels if he's so madly in love with her. Heck, he had me Pinkie Promise to never tell anyone," I grimaced at the memory of doing the stupid charade for the promise. "Love works in such mysterious ways."
"But you meant it, right?" Fluttershy questioned.
"What do you mean?" I questioned back, with an addition to raising a brow.
"You're going to keep that promise, aren't you? It's Pinkie's traditional way of trusting somepony. If you don't stand by your word for it, Pinkie Pie would be terribly upset. That and you'd betray Spike's trust," she added.
I blatantly shrugged.
Fluttershy's brow furrowed as she peered up at me. "Daaad..." she said, acting discontent.
"I kid, I kid!" I chuckled while stroking the back of my daughter's neck with a thorough hand. My skinny fingers swept across her neck, their nerves tickled by the soothing sensation of her buttery-colored fur. "You know I wouldn't do anything to make your friends upset if it then makes YOU upset," Fluttershy's heartwarming smile returned, which earned a fatherly smile from me. "As I was saying, the second Spike overheard me saying that I was going to Rarity's he pleaded to come along with, and Twilight didn't mind that at all as long as I'd bring him back home before dusk. Which I did, in case you'd ask."
"Definitely sounds like you've had your hooves full. What else did you do after that?"
"I hurried on over to Sugarcube Corner afterward," I bluntly answered without correcting her metaphor of 'hooves' instead of 'hands'. "Sadly it was closed by the time I arrived there. Sorry I couldn't bring the cupcakes like I promised I would."
I really couldn't tell her about the talk between Discord and me; the draconequus wanted our meetings at the lake to be our little secret. I had asked him why, but his cryptic reply to me was just this: Just because. Even though I said this before, Discord sure was an odd and mysterious fellow.
"It's okay," she said, not a single disappointment hinted in her voice. She leaned the side of her head closer to my chest, her nose nuzzling my neck as she did so. "I'm just glad you're home safe and sound. That's all that matters to me."
It'd be times like this that if you weren't a father you'd probably find this a tad heartwarming. To me, it was more than that. I held back a tear I felt was going to come out because that was the most precious (albeit corny) thing my daughter had ever said to me.
Pulling myself together, I snuggled her closer and gave a light peck on her forehead. "And that's one of the main reasons why I love you. You always seem to know how to brighten your father's mood."
"I love you too," Fluttershy cooed sweetly. She then pulled herself out of my embrace and perked her head up at me. "Dad," she started.
"Hm?" I hummed as she snatched my undivided attention.
"Do you... like it here?" She asked, her piercing blue eyes glistening a mixture of anxiety and curiosity.
It didn't take me a second to reply to an obvious question. "Of course I like it here," I said assuredly. "What on Equestria gave you that idea?"
Ugh. Saying 'What on Earth' would have sounded far better than that. But this wasn't my home planet, so I had no choice but to have used the phrase....
"I-it's just that..." Fluttershy's words began trailing off. Her eyes were then staring directly at the ground. "N-nevermind. Forget I asked." She said defeatedly.
I knew there was something wrong, so I lent a gentle thumb underneath her chin and leveled her head up where our eyes locked into one another, face to face. "My dear Shy, as your father it is my solemn duty to listen to anything that troubles you. Don't be afraid to speak your mind out. Whatever it is we can talk through it together, but we'll do that tomorrow because right now your father is awfully exhausted. I also need to write an entry in my journal before I go to bed."
"Oh, okay." Fluttershy nodded as she shifted herself off my lap.
It sure was later than ever, and my legs were stiff from sitting in that position too long. The moment I had freedom, I arched my spine forward until it made a painful pop' or two. After steadily getting up from the couch, I took my a palm over my mouth to mask the yawn that was coming out.
Fluttershy was already on her way toward the staircase and she too made a graceful yawn. As she ascended up the staircase, she stopped midway where she could still see me. "Dad," she called again.
"Yes?" I replied.
"Goodnight," she said, her delicate lips stretching into a grateful smile.
And with that, she went out of plain view and entered her bedroom. However, I had just noticed something off about my daughter when she was climbing up the stairs....
"Never say what you mean, all I hear is a scream!"
The abrupt, jarring sound of my alarm clock radio disrupted me from my peaceful slumber. I immediately sat up, with eyes cracked wide open, out of startlement and looked from left to right frantically. Teeth gritting, my fragile eyes winced from the harmful glares of the sun slitting through the bedroom window blinds. I promptly shielded them with a right forearm.
The radio resting on my small white dresser resumed blaring the song, "Never say that to me! Never say that to me! Wipe that SHIT off your face! Let's not stop till we bleed! The more you spit out your mouth the less I believe!"
"Denial, seems it had to come... Relied on me to say it all! Denial has LEFT YOU ALL ALONE-"
I bellowed angrily at the noisy clock, "That's enough!", before hammering my solid fist down onto it repeatedly until bits started flying off. The obnoxious music finally quelled as silence filled the room once again, although the lyrics continued lingering inside my head like a song left on auto-loop. "I don't even like Sevendust!" I grumbled under my breath, knowing which band the song belonged to.
Stretching the stiffness out of my arms, I lousily tossed the comforters aside and made haste to the lavatory with an intention of 'bleeding the lizard'. After I had relieved my kidneys, I stood before the sink and raised the single lever upward straightly. A perpetual stream of water gushed out from the faucet as I slowly stuck a right hand in to determine its temperature. Not too hot. Not too cold. It was perfect. Nudging the lever over to the left a little, I felt the rushing water suddenly become slightly warmer. Satisfied with this tolerable degree, I let go of the lever and began lathering both tainted hands with orange-scented liquid soap.
After accomplishing the first step of my morning ritual, I moved on to the next one: brushing my teeth. I closed my eyes and let out a tedious yawn while rummaging the cabinet for toothpaste. Grabbing the said product, I then grabbed the toothbrush. The white, plastic dental tool looked dull from years of usage; a couple of its bristles were missing and some pointed in several directions. Regardless, it was still usable, and I didn't want to burden myself buying a new one just yet. I always preferred making my money's worth by using them until they'd become obsolete.
With step two completed, it was time for me to take a shower and get dressed for work. All of a sudden my pupils shrank to the size of pins as realization struck me fast like lightning.
"Is this my old home...?" I whispered to myself. Sure enough it was; same old white carpet, same old bed I slept and awoke on, same old (abused) alarm clock, and same old bathroom. I didn't know what was going on. The last thing I remembered was that I told Fluttershy I was going to write an entry in my journal before going to bed. Then it struck me. Either it was a trick by a certain draconequus or a dream. I (obviously) picked the former. "I swear, if this is some kind of prank, Discord, I sure as hell ain't laughin'."
I figured this could had been a part of his shenanigans. Discord and I had this "bond" where our friendship revolved around pranking ourselves or others, and frankly that's how it's kinda been since we met. He could pull unexpected stunts mortals like myself couldn't, but there were times I'd catch him off guard. And knowing him, he'd be the kind of jerk behind the whole gag.
Given the silent treatment I had been receiving, I was growing more anxious. "Okay. Seriously. You got me, now come out." I submitted to the God of Chaos in question.
Normally Discord would make a random entry whenever he was called out. Yet he didn't show up. It then occurred to me that it wasn't a prank. I mused on the last and only option: it had to be a dream. Confirming that it was, I indulged myself in a state of meditation; an attempt to create a mental image that could be brought to life. Eyelids shut tight, brows heavily narrowed, I rubbed my temples pouring every ounce of my concentration on something simple: a cup full of chocolate milk.
Out of nowhere, breaking my chain of focus, a feminine voice echoed from the living room.
She chortled hysterically, "Ahahaha! This entertainment, it amuses us!"
"Us?" I questioned, musing the 'third-person' remark.
When I woke up to realize I was back in my old house and not in Fluttershy's cottage, I was quite shocked. Well, confused more than shocked. To be precise, I could say I was literally dumbstruck beyond belief. I didn't know how I just wounded up back on Earth. I mean, I conjectured about the culprits responsible; one of which were Discord. It could have been Celestia, and she could have done it without leaving a note or having my consent. Or... it could be that it was nothing more than a simple dream and I'm being a total dick for jumping to rash conclusions. But it's not my fault. I'm sure everyone probably would point their fingers or hooves at Discord if he just so as much as scratches his ass. And seeing as Celestia has the magic to send me back and forth between worlds, it was very likely I'd suspected her of such.
I crumpled and threw the wild assumptions away but still held the plausible idea that it had to be a dream. There are multiple methods to know when you're in a lucid dream; when one believes he or she is in an unconscious state, one should check their appearance to see if their legs, toes, arms or fingers are either disfigured or missing. Problem was I checked every part of my body thoroughly (I had pajamas on. Thank God it wasn't that kind of dream) and every part looked exactly the way they were, so that method didn't really help out much... Usually if I noticed I'm dreaming I'd think up of something that would then pop out of nowhere before me, so I did exactly that, although my meditating process was short-lived when an elegant, female voice was heard from the living room, guffawing in a boisterous manner.
More presumptions accumulated inside my (un)conscious brain; would the laughing woman in the living room possibly be Tina? Come to think of it, I have never, in my entire life, heard her laugh like that. Thinking it over thoughtfully, I hunched it had to be one of the... mane six. Okay, I understand the slight comparisons between Equestria and Earth -- Saddle Arabia (Saudi Arabia), Manehattan (Manhattan), Las Pegasus (Las Vegas) -- yet using the word 'mane' instead of 'main' was just... well, silly to say! But I wasn't living on my own world, now was I?
Alas when I couldn't decipher whose laughter it was, I stopped what I was doing and went to go investigate.
As I hastily crept past the exit of my bedroom and down the empty hallway corridors, my ears caught some quirky sounds I was all too familiar with.
"Ed why's your helmet tied to your butt?" Eddy asked, sounding pretty irritated.
"For protection," Ed replied.
Judging by the dialogue (while restraining myself from bursting out into a fit of giggles) it appeared whoever the woman was, was watching a repeat of 'Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy' where the three boys were building a treehouse clubhouse on top of a tree.
It seemed rather peculiar. Something gnawed at the back of my brain- something that made me suspicious about the whole thing besides the mysterious, chortling person. It's a weird feeling like when someone dreams of a place they haven't been to yet. Almost like their mind's are predicting the future. When I used to be young, I had one of those bizarre experiences; as I said, it's weird since that dream I had was the exact house I bought and lived in. At first I didn't know why I dreamt of something like that, but years later when I became an adult it actually happened. Talk about Deja Vu.
After going through a massive brainstorm, I finally put the puzzle pieces together: this dream I was having was a memory of sorts. I pulled out my smartphone from my pajamas pen pocket to reveal an interesting revelation. With a sweep of an index finger on the screen, the calendar on the top-right side depicted the date to be October 9th, 2011; the day before I found Fluttershy. Sorta explained the 'smashing the alarm clock' reaction.
Acknowledging the facts, I stashed the phone back into the pocket and continued creeping toward the living room. Quietly and cautiously, I stretched my neck out a couple inches and took a peek at the person sitting on the couch. And to my phenomenal discovery, it was not a human but a... pony. Would have been anticlimactic... if it weren't an alicorn.
Indeed it was an alicorn, based on Twilight's intuition; I've learned several things of pony culture and different species including the alicorns thanks to her. An alicorn is a pegasus and unicorn hybrid. They fly just like any other pegasus but their magic powers are unlike a normal unicorn's. While their powers are significantly limited, they could still perform spells and rituals not any mere unicorn are capable of performing. From my understanding, at least.
So it came to me as a shock that not only was there a female alicorn -- according to Twilight there hadn't been confirmations on the existences of male alicorns -- sitting on her haunches on the couch, laughing her dare to say... plot off to one of my favorite episodes of all time, but I haven't met this certain pony. As I leaned further outward, I managed to make out some of her features.
She had a very dark shade of blue of a coat, like the skies during twilight hour. She also had a translucent mane, rippling and sparkling just like Celestia's. The mare blew out a hearty chuckle at the part where Ed was slapping Eddy to snap him out of it. I had to admit, that part got me snickering in the inside. Back to my analysis; there was an inky-black regal crown resting atop of her head. Squinting, I managed to catch a glimpse of her mystical horn, although it looked much shorter than Celestia's. Perhaps the length of an alicorn's horn varied on their age or something.
I leaned outward a bit more while maintaining my balance, ensuring I wouldn't tumble and give myself away. Unfortunately, it appeared that the mare had already sensed my presence. Well, she didn't exactly sense; she had known all along.
She spoke aloud softly, without as much as giving me a single glance, "How has the view been, human?"
Alicorns sure were up to their reputation... I was positively certain I was being stealthily as possible. "Other than a random stranger who I have no knowledge of is sitting on my couch and is watching cartoon shows on my television set like she own place? I have to say the view's been splendid," I quipped. I sauntered my way over to the couch, and as I got closer the mare swiveled her head around to look at me. There I had a crystal clear vision of her large, aquamarine eyes. "How did you know I was awake?" I asked, scratching the back of my head curiously.
She shot me a 'are you kidding me?' expression. "Hasn't the loud banging sound been proof enough?" She replied flatly.
Embarrassed, my face flushed in red as I bit my lower lip. "Oh... so you heard that, huh?" I muttered, looking down at the floor timidly.
When one person so happens to wake up in a place where he's not supposed to be, then unexpectedly discovers there's an alicorn sitting on his brown antique of a couch, he would surely stamp that as nothing more than a dream. And this wasn't just any average alicorn, either. Frankly it was Celestia's younger sister, Luna, the Princess of the Night, the pony who lowers and raises the moon. When I closely observed her hair's anatomy, hers and Celestia's sparkling manes were very alike. Only one consisted color patterns like the rainbow while the other was as extravagant as the night itself.
After our first exchange of words (while I had made a fool of myself during that time), I settled down next to her on the far left end of the couch and asked a question regarding to what was at hand. Turned out this was indeed all just a dream based off of a past memory. Luna explained this was her doing with the use of her magic; a unique spell which creates an alternate reality parallel to a dream. Almost like a virtual game, except powered by magic. But the touching, sensing and smelling were astonishingly genuine! Earlier when I was washing my hands with warm water, I felt the warmth! As for the orange-scented soap? I actually smelled the fruity aroma! The distinct sound of the television? Nothing different from what I could tell.
There were, however, complications on how this seemingly differed from a standard dream, so I'll kindly spare the entire conversation and skim to what's really important.
"So, what exactly are you here for?" I inquired, my feet kicked up on the coffee table as I maintained eye contact to hers.
Luna turned her gaze to me, cracking a friendly smirk. Something that I should've been suspicious about, but didn't catch onto. "Not necessarily any reason. But my sister has spoken of you around me, and it piqued my curiosity. I have asked of her and there wasn't much information about you. All I have learned was that you're a human named Rick from another world. Is that correct?"
"Not much information about me, huh?" I crossed my arms, intrigued by this. "Well I suppose if you're actually here to learn a thing or two about me, I'll be obliged to answer several of those questions. I'll answer that first one for starters. Yes. I'm what you call a homosapien, a technical term meaning for human. And I indeed came from a planet properly known as Earth. A homeworld where me and my whole kind live."
"Interesting," muttered Luna as she stroked her chin with the base of her right foreleg leisurely. "Judging from your, er..." She then trailed off to a split second of silence. Her eyes temporarily glanced at the ground, shifting left to right at a moderate pace. She was trying to think of a word that wouldn't sound farfetched or offensive-like. "Appearance," Luna continued, "are you in any relation to a primate?"
"A pretty common thing to talk about, really," I quickly replied, expectant what one of her questions would end up being. Every movie I had seen where a human falls into an alien planet, it's always with the cliche 'humans looking like apes' concept. "We may share DNA and that bunch of nonsense, but that doesn't typically mean we share the same intellect."
"You share similar traits with a species, yet you treat them as inferiors?" Luna asked.
"In my world, we treat every animal like "inferiors"," I said, using a 'finger quote' gesture at the last word. "Say like, dogs, cats, and other sort of animal - we cater them as pets and lock them up in cages and stuff. There are people out there who experiment them for scientific purposes."
She paused for a moment. "Define what your kind actually do for these "scientific purposes"," she then did the impression of a 'finger quote' gesture with her hooves.
"Probably to discover cures for illnesses or whatever. There are other things I should not say what they do as they it might sound appalling." I replied.
"Very well," Luna nodded. "Then let's go ahead and discuss something else like..." she held her words as she stretched one of her hooves out and pointed it directly at my television monitor, "this. Is it some sort of magical, portal device?"
"A-ha-ha!" I chuckled while reaching for the television remote.
Luna cocked a confused brow at my childish response. "Why are you laughing at my question? Was it that amusing?"
"You'll have to pardon me. It's just that you're the first to have ever asked that. 'A magical portal device', good one." I mockingly snorted. Luna, on the other hand, didn't find that funny at the slightest. Shortly after noticing her stern look, I sat back up and cleared my throat. "Anyway," I began, "this thing here is called a television.
Saying that, it seemed Luna was becoming more fascinated. "A tell-a-vision? Elaborate, if you please?"
"It's an electronic device often used for visual entertainment, information or education. It receives signals from several stations and broadcasts them globally."
I blame the years of watching television for that answer. Sometimes there are many dull things in life compared to cartoons. That's why I watch them; cartoons were what made life somewhat more... cheery (if that's the word to put it) and they kept me going since. And I found it quite funny that I was living in one.
Luna still bore the look of confusion on her composure, unable to fully grasp the gist of everything I had just said.
I refrained the urge to face palm and instead hoisted the remote and pointed it at the flat-screen monitor. "You'll probably better understand it if we watch another cartoon episode. Here, why not we watch some..." I trailed off for a moment, looking at the programs that were available at the time. Considering this was based on a past memory, I couldn't help but notice the scheduled programs listed on 'Comcast's Guide'. Some of the names were easily readable and recognizable such as: Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Kids Next Door (given those are my all-time favorites). Others were blurred out that they were quite impossible to decipher. This was, after all, a supposed dream, and based on several facts I've read on about the human mind; when dreaming, things will appear and act a bit out of the ordinary, very much like how a person wouldn't see him or herself in a mirror.
I bothered clicking on the next episode of Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy. The screen slowly came alive as the memorized cartoon's theme played. It was nostalgia all over again, and my lips couldn't help but perk a small smile.
"This is a prime example of 'good' cartoons," I started. "A shame it got cancelled right after they made a movie of it."
"Cancelled?" Luna questioned. "As in discontinued?"
"Yeah," I replied. "Not exactly sure why. But it sure was heck of a blast watching every single season of the series."
"I know it seems a bother of me to ask this but explain to me abo-"
Before she could speak any further, I stretched an arm out to stifle her for just a moment. "Hold on," I interrupted, "this is one of my favorite parts!"
On the screen there was Eddy, the shortest kid of the trio, with a square head so flat you could practically stand a glass on top of it, carrying some sort of machine strapped to his back, holding a hose of some sort.
"What's a winter without a snow job, eh sockhead? Get it? Snow job!" Eddy repeated, ensuring that his skinny yet brilliant friend, Double D (his name's actually Edd, but since there's another 'Ed', they preferred pronouncing him 'Double D' to prevent any confusion) got the joke.
This was where I started snickering uncontrollably. No matter how many times this was seen, the jokes never got old. I was very thankful I grew up to this generation of cartoons before Cartoon Network decided to air some garbage that you'd call cartoon television. 'Adventure Time' and 'Regular Show' weren't that bad, actually. It's programs like 'Johnny Test' that make me want to throw up. So bad of a show, I would throw up twice just to clarify my hatred towards it.
In unison, Luna laughed with. I wasn't certain if it was because she literally understood it, or she didn't want to be that "person in the crowd" and be left out. Aside from her being a pony, it felt quite nice having somebody around to talk cartoons with. She was having fun, and I was having fun. I guess you could say... that I enjoyed having company despite my cynical behavior.
As time went on, hour after hour, we both had a delightful time watching television. Even if it's just ran on by memory, it was still a great time.
After a while (ten episodes to be precise), Luna stretched her hooves wide and exhaled a tired yawn. "Well, Rick, it sure has been pleasant spending some time with you, but I must now depart for my time here is at an end."
"Really?" I said while getting up from the couch, arching my back until a resounding pop happened. "Jeez, time sure flies by." I weakly groaned. "I also agree that's been fun. And that's saying something."
"Hm, hm," Luna hummingly chuckled. "Well, I guess this is goodbye. Again, it's been a pleasure speaking to you. Perhaps next week I'll pay another visit." She said with a playful wink.
"I'll be looking forward to it, then. See you later."
Waving farewell, the alicorn's horn brimmed with a magical aura and in a flash... she was gone.
This was definitely going to be a dream worth writing down...
Luna's visit in my dream was... quaint, to say the least. I never expected that she would have the unique ability to enter one's dreamland. Like she can just poof in and out at any given time whenever she pleases. Saying it that way, it frankly makes it an unsettling thought; Luna could intrude upon someone's dream without notice, and there are several reasons why that sounds disturbing. I mean, what if she came barged in on a wet dream? Yeah... That'd be quite a conversation starter, to say the least.
Let's dismiss that irrelevance for the moment and focus on more relevant matters.
-----
There I was, slumped over my writing desk... sleeping. It must have been quite exhausting yesterday for me to spontaneously fall asleep while writing a log in my journal. Plenty of walking can tire a guy out, especially someone of my scrawny condition; even though I've been eating my share of meat, mainly fish, it wasn't enough to gain any significant amount of muscle, and all the walking around Ponyville and the surrounding area has made me lose a bit of weight. There was muscle in there that for certain, but nowhere near enough to where I'd be proclaimed "muscular". Safely putting it, I was partially muscular and partially skinny. Being a writer type-of-guy can be the result of that. Sure, with all the spare time from the past years I could have been pumping at the gym to stay strong and athletic, but I didn't much care for my weight. What concerned me more than watching my weight was my career and pursuit of a better future career such as becoming a writer.
Unfortunately chasing that dream turned out futile, and I was stuck with a dead-end job as a journalist. I'd be saying that IF I wasn't on Equestria.
Having no source of income or a job here wasn't my only problem; the ponies of Ponyville have treated me like a total outcast for that past month. In rare circumstances, a few of the residents would happily share their salutations, but the majority of them would go out of their way to avoid any means of communicating with me. At one particular time when I had to go on an errand for groceries some of the merchants at the market valley would charge triple the price of their wares because... I didn't know what! Far as I was aware, the prejudice they've been given me was only making the 'me fitting in' plan slightly difficult. Not that I cared, honestly. As long as my daughter loved me, unbiased for who and what I was, that's pretty much a reasonable excuse why I shouldn't worry about getting alienated by the other ponies.
Still... If I was going to remain on a magical planet full of equines, griffins, dragons for the rest of my life, I might as well try to get acquainted with them. Who knows -- maybe they wouldn't be as asinine as I'm judging them to be if I try making a connection or two. Perhaps then getting a job wouldn't be hard.
The last thing I'd ever want, however, is to get intimately close. Twilight may have explained about the shudder-inducing topic of interspecies (omitting how far she delved in the details), but I would never, NEVER put myself that deep in a relationship even if it's a sentient being that shares the same thoughts and feelings like a human does.
But, I digress. My hand oftentimes has a nasty habit of writing whatever my brain thinks.
My formidable adversary; the morning sun, rose steadily to peek over the craggy mountains and spewed its fiery gaze through the small crevice of the cottage's window at my face. My face scrunched up as the rays burned my eyelids, coercing me to turn my head in the other direction.
Yet the cherishing blissful silence was rudely put at an end when an obnoxious rooster outside began spontaneously crowing to the rising sun. It crowed loudly for everyone-within-the-vicinity's ears to hear; a foul and subsequent cry which brought nothing more than pain to my eardrums.
"Rrrr...." I growled. My eyelids closed tighter than a vice as a poor attempt to neglect the fowl's cries but to no avail when it crowed one last time, albeit noisier and prolonging.
Cock-a-doooodle-doooo!
A low grumble escaped my lips as I slowly raised my head. "For heaven's sake..." I lazily groaned, managing an inaudible swear or two under a single breath. "Can't a guy get some peace without that racket goin' on?!"
Eyes remained securely shut, legs and arms stretching the stiffness out of them, I mouthed an exaggerated quiet yawn -- yawning long enough that my nostrils got a good whiff of my disgusting morning breath smell. 'Ugh. I should brush my teeth more often...'
Before I began to do anything else, a loud sudden noise of dishes shattering from downstairs startled me wide awake. Alarmed and worried that this could mean a possible burglary, I instantly jumped to my feet and reached an arm for a silvery suitcase located underneath the desk. Swiftly I undid the clips and tossed some clothes aside until I found a small, vintage wooden gun case. This old, yet finely crafted antique made out of oak had a chipped corner, a company logo too faded to read on the lid and the middle hinge out of three was missing. I hurried to open the box; inside it contained my trusty revolver, and twelve .44 rounds bundled neatly in tiny, separate pouches.
Picking it up and loading it, I maliciously whispered to the unseen fool, "So, planning on stealing from my daughter's house, are you? You'll rue the day the moment you walked into this house with an intention to steal."
Finally, all six chambers were loaded in. I inched toward the door, grabbed the knob (somehow it was a knob this time...), turned it counter-clockwise and began stepping down the stairs foot by foot cautiously. Another violent sound of dishware breaking was heard below. I knew better than my dear Shy would find a hiding place if there was an intrusion. Well, luckily for the both of us I'm here with a revolver held firmly in my right hand. The supposed robber, on the other hand, wasn't going to be lucky once I get my hands on him... or her. Knowing what gender didn't matter, what mattered was whether I should or shouldn't pick an excuse why he/she should live before planting a bullet permanently in his/her skull.
As I descended closer to the living room, distinct noises of different types of animals just got louder and louder; barking, cawing, hissing, squeaking. They sounded... erratic as if it were a riot. Arching a confused brow, I prompted another few ginger steps until the living room came to view. When I assumed it was a possible burglary, the culprit(s) responsible for the broken dishes were a bunch of pissed off animals running amok and trashing the place. I wouldn't even begin to know where to describe it other than utter destruction! Nothing in the whole house was whole anymore; there's an angry grizzly bear stuck in a threshold, blocking full entry from the storage closet, a fox chasing a triplet of brown rabbits, a cat clawing the drapes and a vulture eating... Wait- what? What in blue blazes was that thing eating?! Better not be Angel, otherwise, there'd be hearing no end of it from my daughter.
Tucking the lethal weapon down the back of my pants, I reached the bottom of the stairs. Suddenly, a blue blur leaving a rainbow trail behind shot right past me. There was only one pegasus on Equestria who could do that...
"Rainbow Dash," I roared her name, "what the bloody hell is going on around here?!" She then whizzed past me again. I didn't think she heard me the first time. I mean, of course, she wouldn't hear me among the deafening racket the animals were making. "Rainbow Dash!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.
She still didn't catch that.
Figuring shouting at her was pointless, I deadpanned and shortly went to fetch a frying pan. Returning to the spot after retrieving the said pan, I stuck it out forward where she would likely dash into. Frankly enough, she zoomed in and... wait for it.
'WHAM!'
Bingo. The cyan pegasus fell face flat to the ground after marking a dent of her face in the frying pan. Hey, it's a cartoon world. I'm sure a tough pony like her could handle a simple bump.
'Guess I'll be keeping this as a souvenir' I said in thought, considering the cooking tool was now officially a collectible. Too bad it wasn't Pinkie Pie, I would have loved to have done that to her. Eh, perhaps that could happen at another time. You know, I've always wondered how cartoon characters managed to imprint their faces and bodies on walls, frying pans and the like. If people did that back on Earth for the comedic value then they'd drop dead like flies. Note to self: ask Pinkie Pie, she'd have an answer to that.
Anyway. Rainbow Dash hazily sat up, shiny stars orbiting her head until she regained full consciousness. She instantly shook off the pain and gazed up at me with seething anger.
"What was that for?!" Rainbow Dash angrily exclaimed, now properly up on all four of her legs.
"Because you were ignoring me, so I decided to grab your attention in a different way." I quipped, cracking a wise-ass smirk. "But it's not like that hurt or anything, right?"
At this point, the infuriated pegasus hovered off the ground and came in close to where her nose was practically an inch from mine. Judging the fury in her eyes, along with her narrowed brows, I had a hunch that whatever I did may have hurt her a teeny, tiny bit...
"Uh, duh, it did hurt!" Rainbow Dash retorted with an angry snort.
Okay, maybe a little...
"Quite a lot!" She then added.
Fine, maybe it did hurt her a lot! It just seemed funny seeing cartoon characters getting brutally smacked by a blunt object, and they just walk the pain off as if it were an everyday thing. I mean, look at Tom and Jerry! The cat got pounded, burned, shredded. He even got dismembered for crying out loud! Then again... him screaming in agony may have been solid proof enough that it could have been abhorrently painful.
"So, jerk," said Rainbow Dash, crossing her forelegs, "what do you want?"
Aside from the fact that there was a big-eyed pegasus right in front of my face, I regained my composure and returned her glaring stare.
"A rather good question. But I have a better question: what's going on around here?!" I yelled in Rainbow Dash's ear which caused her to fall onto the ground on her stomach yet again.
Rainbow Dash gradually sat up to her haunches, groaning. "Ow... Did you have to yell that close?" She said as she scrubbed an aching ear with a hoof.
"Stop whining. Now answer me; what are you doing here and why are you tendering the animals? That's usually my daughter's job." While Rainbow Dash continued soothing her ear, plus the commotion from the animals happening in the background, my gaze lowered to her flank and they widened in pure shock. Instead of her traditional cloud and lightning cutie mark, she had three butterflies that were... similar to Fluttershy's. "Um... i-is t-that Fluttershy's cutie mark?" I stuttered apprehensively, pointing a quivering index finger down at her flank.
"For your information, it's mine," Rainbow Dash corrected. "And what are you talking about? You know full well that it's my destiny to take care of these animals, Dad."
Just like that, a sound effect of glass shattering occurred when my eyes widened even further. Did... did Rainbow Dash just straight up called me...
No. No, surely that had to be a part of my imagination; maybe I misheard her due to the ruckus going on around us. Yeah, that had to be it. Cleaning the wax out of a right ear with a pinky finger, I leaned my head closer to her. "Come again?" I asked, nervousness edged in my tone. "For a second there I swear I heard you mistook me as your father, ahaha... ha." I anxiously chuckled.
Rainbow Dash cocked a confused brow at me. "Uh... did you hit your head along your way down here, Dad? I mean, duh, it's me; your little Dashie."
I didn't respond right away. I remained silent for the duration of the time. Standing like a statue, pupils shrunk to the size of pins in sheer horror, I was completely beyond dumbstruck where my brain plunged into a surreal zone from reality. There was my conscience, lost; floating alone in an abyss of nothingness. Words of terror echoed around: 'Rainbow Dash... is my daughter. My daughter... Rainbow Dash...'
Back in the physical world, Rainbow Dash continually stared at me this entire time, having not the slightest clue what was going on. She took flight and hovered head-to-head level, bewildered upon my sudden, frozen state.
"Dad... you okay there?" Rainbow Dash asked worriedly. She merely approached and knocked my forehead a few times with a gentle hoof. "Helllooo."
Though as deliberately gentle as she tried, her clunky hoof was only hurting my noggin. After the fourth time she tapped against my forehead, the golden gateway of reality inside my mind burst open. Behind it spilled forth an immense wave of light. The darkness surrounding me evaporated from the brilliant luminescence (the light being an interpretation for Dash's hoof whilst the darkness was an interpretation for my bewilderment). With Rainbow Dash breaking me from my trance, I quickly shook my head and rubbed my temples.
"Sorry about that. I guess I suddenly lost my train of thought there for a while." I said.
"Whew," Rainbow Dash whistled, wiping away sweat off her face, "You had me worried there for a second." She then beamed me a relieving smile.
This was rather awkward. Awkward as in I knew nothing of Rainbow Dash besides her boastful personality and her need for adventure and that bunch. To a brony, I guess they'd probably 'aww' all over that. To her father, he'd smile back. Me? I was stumped as a dunce figuring out a zero plus zero equation but not because Rainbow Dash was concerned for my health (to be honest, that thought did unsettle me) but the disconcerting fact that she was calling me her father. Having Equestria's best flyer and coolest pegasus as a daughter would sound neat... IF I wasn't a father of a pegasus already. Seriously. I wanted my kind, elegant, timid and loving Fluttershy, not... THIS! Yet the only way I could solve this predicament would be to find the culprit responsible and have my good pal 'Silver' (of course my revolver has a name, in case anyone was curious) "politely" persuade 'em into fixing this mess.
I recapped a conversation I had with Twilight about cutie marks back at her tree house (a week ago it was): Twilight was quite sincere in her statement that -- far to her knowledge -- a simple unicorn cannot tamper with another pony's cutie mark, let alone swap it with another. She also stated that not even an alicorn has the magic to do that. So based upon those facts, I took a moment to ponder on the myriad of possibilities.
'So who would be capable of pulling this off, then?' I mentally questioned to myself thoughtfully. 'Twilight said it herself, "there's no way a mere unicorn, or an alicorn, can tinker with a pony's cutie mark". Come on, Rick, think.' I clenched my left hand into a fist and bonked the side of my head in the hope an answer would reveal itself to me. After a minute... nothing. The reason? Cartoon logic. Some of the brainless characters I've seen can unexpectedly come up with the greatest idea just from a smack on the head -- whether the object would be a bat, a piano or an anvil. Ah, an anvil. Classic.
Now wasn't the appropriate time to trail off again. I had to come up with an actual solution. Rainbow Dash has my daughter's cutie mark, she's mistaken me as her father and believes it's her destiny to tend the animals. The culprit couldn't have been Luna, considering she's an alicorn. Cadence? I've heard of her from Twilight, but she too was an alicorn so there went that plan...
Interrupting the middle of my musing, Rainbow Dash rested one of her hooves on my right shoulder. "You sure you're all right, Dad? You've been acting strange since... just now. It's kind of creeping me out."
"Yeah just give me a sec," I replied aloud and curtly shrugged her hoof away. I planted a palm over my mouth, glancing down at the floor pondering intensely. 'It has to be someone who wields magic greater than Celestia's. Why that guy would have to be so chaot-' I suddenly stopped in mid-thought. The cogs in my head were slowly turning, and I eventually became aware of the jackass who'd be responsible for causing this much mayhem. It all made sense now...
My face boiled slightly crimson as I narrowed my brows until they couldn't go any narrower. I silently blurted some incoherent, murderous threats at Discord; to put it bluntly, by the time I'd be done with him he'd be shredded to pieces. Well, at least that's how I fancied the scenery. Truthfully, despite how enraged I was, I'd have no chance of causing harm to a possible god. Still, that speculation wasn't going to stop me from pursuing his sorry ass.
Since I was already wearing a shirt and pants, I quickly retrieved my boots next to the green couch and slipped them on. I then made a beeline to the front door afterward. I extended an arm for the front door's handle, but I was once again halted by a yelping Rainbow Dash.
"Whoa wait a minute!" she shouted. "Where are you going?!"
"I have to go somewhere. It's important." I said, peering over my shoulder with my hand squeezing the cold handle.
"Does it have to be right now? I could use a bit of your help here right now!" Rainbow Dash rotated halfway and pointed at a... sleeping crocodile?! What the bloody hell!? "What could be more important than helping your daughter in her time of need?"
"...I don't know." I answered dumbly.
Rainbow Dash was still suspended in the air as she put her hooves onto her hips, irritated. "What do you mean you don't know? Are you lying just so you can ditch on me again?"
It's not every day that someone caught me with my hand in the cookie jar. Figuratively speaking, of course. And from Rainbow Dash? Color me slightly impressed; here I presumed every pony were as gullible as they'd come.
"Uh..." I mindlessly uttered, sweaty beads slowly forming and trickling down the side of my face.
Rainbow Dash leered at me. They say an angry woman leering at you is sort of a scary thing. But coming from a pony in this instance, it's not at all intimidating. "No, not this time!" She yelled.
Time was of the essence. I wanted- er no, NEEDED to get out of here as soon as possible before I get dragged into 'animal cleaning duty' again. I had to clean after the bear's "massive mess" the last time I did that. I didn't know what Fluttershy fed it, but damn whatever that creature ate almost made me pass out from the nauseating smell! And here I'd have to do it again? Two words. Screw. That.
Being the quick thinker I am, I tapped a finger on my chin profusely until, I kid you not, a dimmed light bulb appeared out of the blue and lit up above my head. I'd be lying if I said that'd be the first time it has happened. Gracious no. This was like the third time it did that. My initial response to it was bemusing, but the second time may have occurred to me that the longer I stayed here, the more I become affected by the magic, and oddly the 'toon effect'. Wouldn't surprise me if I see floating stars after I'd hit my head on something or vice-versa.
"You see uh," I started, eyes scanning the animal's growing destructive behavior. "Oh, don't you remember yesterday that we were running low on food?"
"We did?" Rainbow Dash queried. She turned to look at the bear that was now free from being stuck in the storage closet housed under the stairs, and there she spotted three empty sacks sprawled across the floor with labels on them; seeds, food and vegan mix (again if curious, a vegan mix bag has various dried vegetables and fruit used specifically for certain herbivores). "Huh. I didn't notice we ran out so quickly."
This elicited a facepalm from me. 'For Pete's sake, Rainbow Dash, now you're making me feel sorry for the animals more than you...'
The pegasus swiveled her sight back to me, her stern look softening a bit. "So you see," I played on a sly smile, "I recently remember why it was important for me to go out; we need to restock the animal's food supply. Perhaps that's the reason they're acting very cranky, they're hungry."
Rainbow Dash crossed her forelegs and pondered it over. She then shot me a scrutinizing stare before coming to a conclusion. "Well... alright."
I brushed a hand through my hair, sighing inwardly and relievingly. "Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it." Not really.
"You better." Rainbow Dash said sternly.
I simply nodded. Without paying attention, head still peered over my shoulder, I pulled the door as recklessly swift as I could manage. The wooden gate swung fast and whacked the back of my head with such brute force.
I firmly bit my bottom lip and hissed a series of incoherent swears at the inanimate object.
"Oh my gosh, Dad, are you okay?!" Rainbow Dash cried as she witnessed the whole thing.
"I'm fine! Just tend the animals!" I bellowed, angry at my own carelessness. I could feel a swelled-up bump in the back of my head, throbbing. Fortunately I wasn't at that stage where I would've been seeing stars. 'God... damn it. That's going to sting tomorrow.' Rubbing the sore spot, I carefully lowered my head and stepped outside whereas from behind I slammed the door shut so hard that a hinge came loose. I huffed out a disgruntled sigh. "Shit... Guess I'll have to fix that when I get back."
A sudden, chilling gust of ice-cold wind went up my spine. Tucking my head down and folding my arms to keep them warm, I started treading the dirt path down into Ponyville, but something caught the corner my eye. It was small, a white speck floating downward. It softly landed on my forehead, greeting me with an icy touch. Snow? I didn't know the weather team was scheduled for any snow today. In the last month of summer... Craning my neck skywards, I saw that it was not the work of the weather pegasi as the clouds were arranged in a checkered pattern against the blue sky.
The sight of such nonsense only leads the suspicion back to Discord. "Damnit Discord." I scorned what could have been the umpteenth time this morning. I was so angry that steam practically billowed out of my ears. As I grumpily stomped my way toward Ponyville, another unfamiliarity caught my glimpse. There, mellowing on a lonely lilypad in the pond, sat a... orange? In disbelief, I squinted to make out the green-like toes and limbs the fruit had. The moment the thing croaked like a frog, I was taken aback and resumed walking toward Ponyville, pretending what I had seen was just my imagination.
"Oi..." I exasperatedly sighed as I walked further down the dirt-beaten path toward Ponyville, fingers pinching the bridge of my nose.
What could had been one of the many peaceful days; a beautiful day where I could have woken up at a relative time; a day where I could have been sitting down at my writing desk and continue from where I left off on a novel-in-progress -- 'Light & Darkness' -- with a fresh cup of Silver Leaf brewed by my precious daughter.
But no. Instead, I had to get myself mixed up in one of what I reckoned to be Discord's antics. I could tolerate the whoopee cushions, him giving me near heart attacks whenever he randomly pops in without warning. And don't get me started on him turning me into a pony that one time while I was asleep. I should have seen my overreaction when I woke up with hooves instead of hands. Thank God it was merely a prank. But him swapping Rainbow Dash's cutie mark with my dear Shy's? This was the straw that broke the camel's back. This was where he crossed the line! Because of him, I had a Rainbow Dash for a daughter, and the entire cottage was out of order. It was a pigsty. I couldn't bear to stay there for another minute. To top it off, it seemed he dicked around with the weather. You could also say the orange frog he made had me 'hop' back in shock.
That pun was unnecessary and uncalled for...
Regardless. When I first arrived in this world, I knew of the adventures my daughter and her friends get into, the changelings and their hunger for love, the unspeakable atrocities in Everfree Forest. I wanted none of that. The moment I began a new life here all I wanted was to own a home, apply for a decent-paying job to pay the taxes, write a horror novel in isolation. That's all. I had no intention enrolling in some crazy, epic adventure that would likely have me get charred by a fire-breathing dragon, turned to stone by a cockatrice or become enslaved by an underground empire of diamond dogs. I prefer living a normal, quiet, non-life threatening paradise.
The only person who managed to liven up things around here was none other than... Discord. Don't get me wrong, the reformed spirit isn't at all that terrible if you didn't mind being turned into a pony without any regard. Frankly, I somehow enjoy his company. The guy's got a great sense of humor, and since he was a god (debatable) he could bend anything to his will and conjure up all sorts of stuff out of thin air. As I stated earlier about him livening things up, Discord sure as heck keeps me from being bored. Why if I hadn't met him, I could figuratively say I would have died from boredom. Though I'm uncertain about his... "randomness" (a lack for a better word). I mean sure, with magical powers you have to make use of them. Discord, on the other hand, uses magic in the weirdest ways that are nonsensical. But I must confess and agree with Discord: "What fun is there in making sense?"
However. Whatever he did here disrupted that oath. This was a prank that had gone too far, and I planned to do something about it rather than rant 'til the problem would fix itself.
If I had known that it was going to be cold outside I would have buttoned on a coat. I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I reach my destination, I hadn't been awake long enough for much rational thought, but dammit I wasn't going to let this slide. I deserved an explanation or an apology. Both an explanation and an apology would suit just fine.
First things first, much to my dismay; I needed to consult Twilight about this dire situation. Only she would probably have the solution to all of this. Why not Celestia? Pardon me for not having a mailbox that could scorch and regurgitate parchment letters. Though if this so much would become some sort of adventure, I'm walking away. I didn't care if it meant the end of the world, I'm not getting myself involved.
Giving the sky another glance, the white and black checkered pattern clouds overhead were seemingly more violent than before. A storm cloud was raining, emitting roaring thunder whilst a neighboring winter cloud was storming a blizzard. Quite a conundrum Discord wrought. Where was the pegasus, though? I would have speculated that they'd clean all this up. Something was wrong here; what if Discord returned to his evil ways? With Rainbow Dash and presumably the others' cutie marks switched, that would spell disaster with a capital D for everyone. Including myself.
I upped my pacing and prayed for the best.
After the monotonous walking, I was finally in Ponyville. I was somewhat glad to see the town wasn't in ruin or the sort. Guess I was harsh accusing Discord of being evil. But I still believed that he had to be responsible for the sky, the frog, and Rainbow Dash's cutie mark. As it turned out, the weather over half of the village farthest from the cottage was quite nice. Not a single cloud in the sky as far as the eye could see... unless you'd turn around. I noticed something peculiar when I got here: all the townsfolk were trotting around with their heads low to the ground and venomous glowers on their faces.
Unaware of my presence, a bland-gray earth pony stallion with a brownie-colored mane bumped his head against my back thigh. I turned to face the clumsy pony, and my oh my were the bags underneath his eyes dark and gloomy. Almost made me mistake him as a goth. He glared daggers with his large oval-shaped eyes at me, bitterly frowning. "Watch where you're going, bub!" he barked acidly.
He then shoved me aside and just... trotted away. I blinked. That was abrupt, and odd to say the least. Was everyone on their period or something? Were they aware of the plight that would soon befall them?
Much as I wanted to return a nasty comeback, I couldn't; the punk was already long-gone before I even considered it. Well, he wasn't worth wasting my breath anyway. To his back I flipped him the bird and continued walking through the village's streets, avoiding bumping into any other stallion or mare for the possible chance I'll get scowled at again.
'Should have brought a map...' my brain scolded me for the third time as I wandered helplessly around town. Another problem was at hand; I got myself lost in this labyrinth of thatched huts. 'We've passed that confectionary twice already.'
'Will you shut up! I'm capable of knowing where we're going.' I retorted.
'Was that before or after you tried asking a pony for directions?" my brain snarked. 'Not that it mattered. Everyone's too pissed to give you directions. Too pissed to talk to you even.'
'Maybe if you'd stop antagonizing me, I could find out where we are.'
'Maybe if you didn't waltz out the cottage before thinking it through, we wouldn't be in this situation. I mean, the map inside the saddlebag was hanging on the coat rack stand next to you. But you were so steamed up that you forgot about it. Face it. You have no idea where we are now and you're too ignorant to admit that.'
'You don't even know me.'
'Don't even know you? I practically am you! If that was some sort of excuse, clearly it's a horrible one.'
I rubbed both my temples vigorously, frustrated. 'I don't know why I'm even arguing with myself...'
'Neither do I. Funny that ever since you came here you've been acting strange lately.'
'Whatever do you mean by that?' I inquired.
'For starters you're talking to yourself. Almost as if the air here is affecting your fragile mind, making you senile. As it would seem.'
'Senile?' I scoffed. 'Don't be so ridiculous. Who would bring up that idea?'
'You.'
'Get out.'
And like that, the sound of a door slamming was heard.
I decided to screw it and move on locating the direction towards the lake. Finding Twilight would have been a lost cause anyway. I hunched that even if I got there she probably wouldn't be home. What would the trip be for then? A waste of time. The unpredictable and violent storm clouds that WERE over in that general area the last time I checked have seemingly expanded, so I had no other choice but get to the lake as swift as possible and confront Discord before the conditions become too unstable to handle.
As I circled the town and inadvertently ended up at Sugarcube Corner for the third time (without the bickering of a pestering brain...), I took a minute to muse where the lake would be located from here.
'Okay,' I sighed confidently, observing my surroundings, 'if my memory serves me correctly, Canterlot should be north-west from here. If so then the lake should be...' As deep in thought as I was, I couldn't help but notice two streams of ponies; one entering the confectionery store and the second coming out. It was like a production factory! The line of ponies going in have frowns and the line coming out have the sourest looks on any face I had ever seen! Much worse than when they went in. I couldn't imagine the poor sap who got stuck with Pinkie Pie's cutie mark. Which could only mean... Oh ho ho! Pinkie Pie must be having the time of her life without being in her element! Which cutie mark did she get? Rarity's? Apple Jack's? How it would bring me joy just to see her right now. That would certainly explain the rotten behavior of the townsfolk.
The mere thought etched a devious grin from ear-to-ear on my face. I had to go inside to see what the hubbub was all about, I'm certain that sparing a few minutes shouldn't hurt; just a quick peek, that's all.
I sauntered to the entrance and inched the door open halfway. Partially peeking my head in, the interior was almost identical as the exterior; there were golden, intricate swirl designs sketched across the dark chocolate painted walls, the polished tiled floor had a lighter brown color, kind of looked like a gigantic scored chocolate bar, just nonedible, and a couple of candy-cane styled beams supporting the second floor overhead. Cracking the door further, I saw an entire plethora of ponies watching a miserably failing, out-of-view pony blowing balloons up.
One of the spectators of the audience called out to the unseen performer, "You call that blowing a balloon? My wife can blow better than that."
Okay, that there earned a hysteric snicker from me. Clearly, the pony and everyone around him was either too miserable or too oblivious to find the humor in his blatantly dirty joke.
"I-I'm sorry, everypony," apologized the whimpering performer who sounded female, "I'm trying my hardest..."
The moment that disheartened, familiar voice rang my ears the bright smile on my face instantly anchored to a frown as I realized who the 'poor sap' was. Heart suddenly hammering against my chest like a jackhammer, I pushed the door all the way to get a clear vision. Alas, my fears were as suspected; the entertainer, a yellow-furred and pink-maned pegasus to be accurate was none other than my dear Shy blowing up balloons in a fruitless manner in front of a displeased audience.
She picked up one more funny balloon, determined to do it right this time, but after another deflating defeat, the crowd expressed their contemptuous booing at the pitiful display and then trotted themselves out of the lobby in a single file. The nerve of those heathens, belittling my dear Shy like that.
The demoralizing treatment they threw at her deepened my frown, inciting me to leer and wave an angry hand at them as they passed along. "Oh boo yourselves!" I hollered skeptically. "You wouldn't know entertainment if it bit you in your plots!" I wasn't keen resorting to using what could be deemed as foul language by pony standards. The last time I threatened to shove a stick up a pony's ass, they thought I was referencing 'ass' like a donkey.
I didn't want to admit it, but I must say that it was awful watching Fluttershy humiliating herself like that. My initial thoughts were that if Rainbow Dash had my daughter's cutie mark, I reckoned Fluttershy would have had hers, too. I didn't expect it'd be her who ended up with Pinkie Pie's cutie mark, and after I called her a poor sap... Though if anybody believed I was going to stand around and let her continue ridiculing herself, they'd be sadly mistaken.
As soon as it was just me and Fluttershy alone in the room for the meanwhile, I quickly walked over and knelt to her. She had her head hanging low and paid no attention to my presence until I was the first to speak out.
I lent her a sympathetic hand, "You okay?" I asked concernedly.
She raised her head, brushing away her mane to reveal her pearly eyes welling in tears, ready to burst open like a floodgate. It wouldn't take a genius to tell that her spirit had been crushed under the sheer weight of a thousand stampeding hooves, the only difference being is the hooves are words in this case. Seeing her this discouraged ached the pit of my heart sincerely. But that was nothing compared to what I was unprepared for when she replied, "Oh..." Fluttershy squeaked, "Hi, mister Gartners."
How many heartaches does a man go through in his supposed single lifetime? Once? Twice? As many as you can count? For me, it's six. The third was at its worst; the moment my dear Shy was taken away from me. It's completely heart-wrenching when a father's daughter gets taken away from him. Sometimes they get to be lucky to see them several times per year. Compared to those who don't, though, it would shatter them.
And here I am in Sugarcube Corner, heart afflicted after hearing my daughter pronouncing my last name. Normally she would say "Hello, Father," in that soft and quiet tone that'd always warm the deepest depth of my heart. Instead, I got called formerly by my last name, as if I wasn't sentimental to her.
I was kneeling on one knee, both arms widely spread in preparation for a loving embrace. "W-what?" I said with a nervous smile; my voice sounded a little cracked, and a sweatdrop formed on the left side of my forehead. The drop trickled down, tickling the thick and wiry strands of my sideburns. "My dear Shy, don't you recognize who I am?"
Fluttershy responded just above a whisper, her sad demeanor instantly turning confused, "I don't know what you mean, mister Gartners," and there it was again; I felt another pin of pain pricking inside the left side of my chest. "But my father calls me by that... but... you can call me that, too. Only if you want to, that is." She said timidly. Fluttershy lowered her head at a degree where her mane obscured most of her features, to the point her eyes couldn't be seen.
"No..." I muttered below a whisper, quiet that it was inaudible even to an elephant. The white clouds in my head were converting to black as my anger started to rise. A storm was brewing, and by the looks of it - it doesn't look too pretty. "Not this again," I sharply muttered once more through clenched teeth. "How many more times is this going to happen to me?"
Fluttershy perked up and brushed her mane away. She must have sensed something was troubling me. "Mister Gartners, are you okay?"
Her words were only blurred out by my anger. I mainly focused on staring at the ground, refraining the urge to cry. The thing was that: I didn't want to cry; I was far too angry to cry. I had dealt with this enough times already. My daughter didn't recognize me, and she said it herself that it's what HER father calls her as when I'M supposed to be her father. I had enough of these shenanigans. Harmless prank or not, I was going to confront Discord no matter what. Slowly, I rose to my feet, my eyes never leaving the floor meanwhile.
Fluttershy backed up anxiously, her mouth opening as she was ready to say something. My darkened eyes then looked at her. She suddenly closed her mouth and froze stiffly in place, recoiled by my vicious stare. I turned away stomping toward the confectionery's exit. Stopping right at the threshold, I raised a hand that soon balled into a shaking fist and punched the wall as hard as I could. I didn't feel any pain on impact. It went straight through without any problem, almost like it was out of cardboard. If I wasn't so damn angry I would've been impressed on how I managed to punch a hole without difficulty or effort. But I was too busy thinking morbid things. This elicited a frightened yelp from a timid pegasus behind me. I then pulled my arm back, briefly gazed at the gaping hole in the wall, and left the confectionery without uttering another word.
One thing was certain: Silver's going to claim a victim
With a mighty push of the double doors, I stormed out of the confectionery and proceeded to mark my path toward the lake. The ponies who were single-filed in line had the courtesy to step aside, despite the foul behaviors they displayed moments ago. Perhaps it could have been because they hadn't abandoned their city's tradition to strangers, or whatever. Or it had to be the livid scowl on my face that gave the hint they should step out of harm's way.
It didn't matter. I sure as heck was more pissed than I ever was before. The mental storm stirring inside my head raged harder. Both my cheeks were flushed rosy red. Teeth bared, gnashing. Eyes cracked slightly red from crying in conjunction with anger. Steam billowing out of my nostrils. I never felt this angry ever since those years ago -- back in the adolescent days -- when my foster father often pelted me with a leather belt as a way of punishment.
There'd be a saying for this: "It is easy to forget those you liked, but it is not easy to forget those you hate". I'm sure that's how it's pronounced.
Yeah, I hated my foster father with a passion of a thousand suns. He abused me as an act to toughen me up. "Men don't cry like little babies. Compassion is for the weak," he'd say. Cruel, yet his lessons were mentally implemented solidly.
However, let me put that on hold and get right to the part where I found the way to the lake from Ponyville, but I had lost the track of time the moment I got there. As I walked tiredly to the willow tree I looked up into the sky, a right hand over my eyes to shade the sunlight, and examined the sun's position for a little while. To roughly estimate how long it took me from the confectionery to the lake, I had to say the trip may have been an hour and a few minutes without a single break.
I stopped right under the willow tree just as my legs, pulsating in soreness, were about to give in. As I finally sat down in the shade, reclined against the tree, a sudden rush of cool air washed over my face. Such a nice therapeutic treatment to have after the monotonous walking. That, and to hide from the intense heat of the sun. I wearily gazed at the sky once more, whereas I observed a couple of miles ahead there were the checkered-pattern blizzard and storm clouds. The mere sight immediately reminded me of Discord again. There'd be no telling what I was going to do if I ever saw his face. The first thing I imagined I'd do was Shoryuken his sorry tail. POW! Right in the kisser. Unfortunately... the god of chaos in question wasn't anywhere to be found at the sparkling lake, which made me hunch I may have had arrived a bit early.
That said, I then decided to take the perfect opportunity to unwind and earn some rest, considering I never got all the hours of sleep I needed. After all, that's happened recently, I believed an hour of sleep was what the doctor ordered. Heck, maybe I might wake up less bitter and let Discord off with another warning. Just like the many previous times, he pushed my buttons.
'Well, I guess we'll have to wait until then,' I said in thought before my eyelids grew heavy. I leaned my head against the tree's rigid bark, blearily watching the sun's distorted reflection dancing along the lake's rippling surface, eyes slowly closing. "I just hope everything will go back to..." I paused to let out a stifling yawn before I had completely fallen asleep without finishing my sentence.
Sleeping is quite refreshing, it revitalizes the body and mind. I tend to find myself quickly tempered and act before rationally thinking most of the time. That would be a viable reason why I eat food with a dash of my secret sauce every day. Its potent contents put me in a better mood. However, I realized this morning when everything became FUBAR that I completely forgot to take some. Thankfully, having an or two of undisturbed sleep alternatively helps throw the cares away. Rarely it does, though. But hey, not everything works the way you intend it.
After some time, around an hour or more-ish, a chilling breeze swept by and shivered me awake. I started the awakening routine as the per norm; a wide and simple stretch, followed by a vigorous yawn. I idly scratched the itchiness off my back as I sat upright, eyes still closed, and arched my neck for a crackling pop or two. I stretched my legs lazily outward to purge the stiffness, until all of a sudden my right leg's muscles tightened, thus snapping me to a full-awake state.
"Crap!" I immediately yelped, my eyes shooting wide open from pain. I instinctively grasped the part of the leg where the cramp was, massaging it to soothe the pain a little bit. Through gritted teeth, I cried out, "Charley horse! Charley horse," and kept gently stroking the calf muscles for a solid minute or two. Soon the cramping torture finally had come to an end. "Damn these cramps..." I bitterly grumbled.
While waking up with a bad cramp wasn't what I expected, sleeping did manage to help ease my anger a little bit. Pondering, I felt that I had been somewhat harsh with the whole speculation of Discord going back to his evil ways. I mean, Discord once admitted that being reformed wasn't as bad as he turned it out to be. And I could tell he was pretty sincere on that statement, so maybe my anger got the better of me.
For the second time, though, a cold wind gusted by, catching me off guard.
I wrapped my arms around my stomach. "Jeez, when did it get a bit windy all of a sudden? Not to mention freezing."
An unknown sense told me to look up, so I did. To my little surprise, there was the sky -- crystal clear and blue as it ever is -- and not a sign of a particular canopy of a willow tree that was supposed to be shading me from the sun's rays could be seen anywhere. Then, an annoying honking noise of a duck's quacking was heard not too far, and I turned to the wailer's whereabouts. There the obnoxious foul was, blissfully flying through the air solo, soaring along until the feathered fellow flew beyond my field of vision. Never to be seen again.
I swiveled my view back to front and arched a confused brow. 'What on Earth would a duck be flying so low to the grou-' my train of thought was then halted when realization dawned on me. 'The lake, it's gone!'
Mouth agape, I stared directly at the scene where the lake should have been, trying to figure out what in blue blazes was happening here. My hand reached for the ground, and for a very bizarre reason, I felt something cold, yet incredibly soft. Like fluffy soft. If I'd known better, I'd known that mud isn't supposed to feel this kind of soft. Mud is all yucky and thick and not all pleasant to touch. To me, anyway. This was neither of those things but instead very smooth and delicate to the slightest touch.
I grabbed hold of whatever it was and lifted it. The stuff on the surface of my palm was snowy white and puffy-looking, similar to that of a cotton ball, with lumpy outlines. Scrutinizing it furtherly, I noticed that it was...
'A piece of... cloud?'
Peculiar indeed. It would be as if I'm implying that I'm sitting on a cloud. A human, on a cloud made out of nothing but mist which that is water? Why that's about as absurd as a child believing there's a pot of gold at an end of a rainbow. How utterly ridiculous does that sound? Not to mention impossible.
But in a magical world where there's talking pastel-colored ponies, griffons, dragons and every other fairy-tale creature anyone could think of, I'd be afraid to say that the impossibilities may become possibilities. And sure enough, I leaned over to see that the lake was below me. Way, way, way below me...
Acting nonchalantly, I added up the list, "So I'm sitting helplessly on a cloud, which is miles high off the ground, with no idea as to how I got up in the first place, and there's absolutely nobody around who can help get me down. Aha-ha... ha. Yeah..."
At times like this, even I amaze myself of how I could act so casual in these situations. There are some times when one would have thought he'd know himself too-
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed out loud in sheer terror. "Someone! Anyone! Help!"
And then poof popped a certain draconequus out of the blue, guffawing hysterically childishly.
"Oh-ho-ho-ho!" Discord laughed uproariously, holding his gut tight to prevent it from bursting out confetti as he did before when he turned me into a... pony. (which shall be the last time I'll mention it).
"D-D-Discord?!" I stuttered. I couldn't look at the chortling trickster as I was too frightened by the distance between me and the ground. "What's go-going on here?! Next, I was sleeping under the willow tree, and then I wake up sitting on a cloud!"
I continued peeking down, imagining the horror of what it'd be like to fall from this level of height. The mere thought only made me feel a lot worse.
Discord still was laughing himself to death (frankly it wouldn't surprise me). "Now that's one for the papers. Ahahaha!" he crowed. "This may be my best prank yet!"
"Your best prank?" I asked quizzically. At that moment there was a long silence, filled only by the whistling winds and the connecting of dots. I stood up and sought the spirit's red pupils. "So this was all your doing?!"
The cloud shook slightly from the movement, and I cowered back down to my knees staring down at the ground again.
"I don't know," said Discord innocently, although him looking away to conceal his laughter made it quite obvious he was guilty. He turned back around with a perky smile plastered on his face. "Maybe."
"What on Earth possessed you to do this?!"
"Well," Discord began, stroking his unruly goatee, "promise you won't be mad, but I have been spectating you for some time. I must say after all that's happened today that you looked like you were about to explode. When I later followed you to the lake and saw that you fell asleep against the willow tree I pondered: 'Hmm, judging the trouble he's been through, perhaps as a good friend I'll give him something nice to sleep on'. Now here you are. Did you have a swell nap?"
Discord's explanation briefly left me kneeling in disbelief. "So let me get this straight: all this time you've been following me? Why couldn't you have just saved me the trouble looking for you?! And while I do appreciate the kind gesture... You don't place your friends a million feet in the air that can potentially kill them as a prank! You know full bloody-well that I'm scared of heights!" I exclaimed.
"Really?" Discord questioned, pretending to act surprised. "Huh, it must have slipped my mind," he shrugged dismissively, "oopsie."
The corners of my lips anchored to a deep, scowling frown. "Oopsie? Man, when I get my hands on you I'll-" I spat malicious incoherent threats at the spirit of chaos, arms quivering in rising rage. "Forget it! Can you just get me down!?
"Very well," Discord submitted. "But first things first: How's the weather up here?"
Of all jokes, Discord, of all jokes...
I deadpanned with an unamused expression. "Me. Off this cloud. Now."
"Are you sure?" he queried.
"Yes!" I bellowed, voice a little hoarse from hyperventilating in fear. "I just want off of this thing!"
Discord lips stretched to a devious smile. "As you wish," he obliged as he brought forth his lion paw, snapping his fingers.
There was the moment of silence again afterward. Nothing seemed to have happened; I was still lofted on a cloud, wondering why I hadn't been teleported to the ground yet.
Discord snapped his fingers again and materialized a nail file before him. He then began grinding away at his claws with the said object. "You'll have to give it a moment. The spell doesn't take an immediate effect once cast," he said.
I shot him a quick glare, bemused by that comment. "What do you mean by-" all of a sudden I inexplicably fell through the cloud and began plummeting down toward the lake, "thaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Isn't it Deja Vu that a few days ago I had a dream of falling from the sky? Well, I was now. Though this time instead of a lucid dream this was pure reality, which didn't comfort the fact that I'm falling to my inevitable demise. If I ever become a ghost after this, I pledge a solemn swear on my own cobblestone grave that I'd haunt Discord until the end of time.
Losing altitude at a very alarming rate, I clasped both palms together in a pleading pose and silently prayed for a random miracle to happen. But I guess the universe decided, 'No, sirree. You've had this coming for a while.' Couldn't say I didn't. I knew that someday I'd get just payback for the sinful things I've done on Earth.
I closed my eyes in hopelessness, ready to answer the grim reaper who stood outside my life's door knocking at it. The bag of bones probably would ask what the cause of my death was.
The answer? All because a dick of a draconequus pulled a (deadly) prank on me.
The last thing I could remember for the life of me was when I fell from many stories high due to a mischievous prankster. After that, I went and fainted.
What does being unconscious feel like? Well, it's a distant memory, but I'll do my best to recall.
One could describe it much like how one is asleep. It's peaceful, to put it bluntly. The whole world around me was nothing more than a blank subspace. My mind was empty of worries but filled with waters of clarity. The encircling darkness welcomed me to its serenity, and I embraced the welcoming. For the very first time, I felt very calm and, perhaps, happy; I had never been this relaxed since forever. Beyond the vast, infinite blackness there was a white, divine light shimmering brightly across the groundless yonder.
This illumination had a holy aura attached to it, an aura so strangely compelling I dragged myself towards it with relative ease.
In this plane of unconsciousness, there was no law of physics or gravity; there wasn't any sound of footsteps as my body was light as a feather. Soon half of the surrounding darkness was engulfed by the light, and for some inexplicable reason, gravity began taking its claim the closer I approached. After a few more steps the light entirely devoured the darkness, enveloping me to a brand new world of antique white.
Then the colorless expanse gradually dissipated, and this was the moment I realized I was coming to.
Starting off, I remembered everything was blissfully quiet, save for the sounds of mother nature's balmy breaths and the lenient rustling of leaves. Thank God I wasn't sapped of the ability to hear or feel. My brain attempted to give my limbs, and my eyelids, the command to budge. Only to no avail, sadly. However, the minute my mouth emitted a groan, my head registered the pleasing conclusion that I may have survived the fall. Moreover, the luxuriantly-distinctive smell of grass invading my nostrils encouraged the assumption that I could have been very much alive.
But there was an unsettling question left unanswered: why was it that I didn't feel any pain when I landed? Going out on a limb here, I pondered on the possibility I could have had fallen into the lake. Though that wouldn't make sense... because if I did, I and my clothes would've been soaked.
A viable thought instilled with anxiousness reverberated in the depths of my mind, 'please don't tell me where I think I am...'
With as much willpower as I could muster, I urged the nerves of my toes to wiggle. Miraculously, the little toe was the first to twitch. The other toe beside it followed. Then the next, and then the next, until every one of my toes was in sync. Over time, my other foot's toes wiggled as well. The lower part of my body, and eventually the upper section, were corresponding with positive movements; every appendage was wholly intact and accounted for. The last thing I had to do was lift my eyelids so that I could investigate my whereabouts.
The effort to do so was struggling, but with sheer success, I managed to lift my eyelids at a sluggish pace.
I winced when I was first introduced by the harsh rays of the sunlight. I immediately shielded my eyes and rolled to the side, allowing them to recover in the safe shelter of my hands. They regained their focus shortly afterward. Lowering my hands, I got a clear close-up view of a teeny ladybug standing remotely still on an unblemished blade of grass. It looked to be just your average ladybug: a dainty minuscule beetle with a smooth red body and black spots. It's incredible how insects in Equestria were parallel to the ones on Earth. Yet I never liked insects. I always thought they were plain gross and revolting like spiders (my number one phobia, next to escalating heights).
Who wouldn't agree? Spiders have eight hairy crawlers, wrap their prey in webbing and the ghastliest of it all is their eyes. Six, eight, twelve. No matter how many eyes they have, whether the spider be large or small, they're downright creepy. God, it makes me shudder thinking about it.
Butterflies, though, were my favorite among all the other bugs. I don't know why, but how I see them is they're majestic, harmless, and quite beautiful above all else. Of course, their beauty can never top my adoring daughter; my dear Shy will always and forever be my little butterfly.
I was snapped out of my reminiscing when I examined the ladybug closer. For whatever reason, the thing had a familiar unruly goatee with crazy red pupils that were staring right back at me.
I was assured that wherever I was it wasn't heaven nor paradise, but instead... hell.
"Just what were you thinking, Discord?!"
"Calm down, Rick," replied the draconequus nonchalantly, who was perched onto one of the willow tree's thick branches on his back, both of his mismatched legs and serpentine-like tail dangling limply off aside. "You act as if I had done something exceptionally horrid."
I stared at him in disbelief. "You cannot be serious..."
"I never am serious. Unlike somepony I know," Discord made no effort masking the sneer in his voice at that last sentence. He quickly shifted about and was now lying on his stomach but his neck stayed as it were.
I brought a hand and facepalmed, groaning in exasperation. "I'm being serious here, Discord! I mean, have you seen what's been goin' on lately aka the erratic behavior of the clouds?" I pointed a finger at the direction of Ponyville where the checkered-pattern clouds were ominously looming over.
"Indeed I have," he answered, a touch too casual.
There was a short exchange of silence between the two of us; he was humming a tune within his contentment while I stared at him incredulously.
"...and do you plan on doing something about it?" I asked.
Discord ceased his humming, his gaze never wavering. "What was that? Sorry but I think I have something in my ear." The spirit knocked his noggin with a lion paw and out came a pink... fly-thingy? Okay, I didn't know what the heck it was but it had wings of a fly. The pink bug buzzed away as Discord materialized an ear trumpet and raised it to his left ear. "You were saying?"
"I said: and do you plan on doing something about it?"
"Why are you asking me that for?" Discord inquired curiously.
"I don't know. Maybe because those clouds have your name written all over them!"
My accusation snagged his attention. He sat up with his back against me since his neck was still twisted at a hundred 'n' eighty-degree angle. "Why, Rick, I'm so flattered you would accuse me of such a thing." The spirit's body rotated until his chest aimed at the same direction his face was. "But I'm afraid to tell you that I had no part of it. My hands are clean."
He showed the palms of his eagle talon and lion paw. They were so clean they practically reflected the sunlight.
He lounged back onto the branch. "And besides," Discord continued, "it's nothing the pegasi can't handle."
I lifted a finger and opened my mouth to retort, but the god of chaos did have a point. I lowered my finger, only then to raise it back up. "Well, what about my dear Shy and the others?"
"What about them?"
"So you don't know?" I cocked a quizzed brow. "Their cutie marks got switched; Rainbow Dash has my daughter's cutie mark, while my daughter has Pinkie Pie's cutie mark. Everything has gone haywire! From what I've been told nobody, even alicorns like Celestia herself, can't tamper a pony's cutie mark. Twilight theorized something more powerful than an alicorn could be capable of such. So, care to explain?"
I caught Discord's attention once more. However, he seemed to be more intrigued. "Is that so?" The spirit snapped his finger, vanishing and reappearing right beside me. "We-he-he-ll. In all the years of my immortal life, this surprises me. I've been surprised before but this would be the first time I'm legitimately shocked. The elements must be quite distraught. Their cutie marks switched, having no idea what to do outside their element? Why didn't I think of that earlier before? I digress. I must applaud the fellow for a job well done. Jolly good show!"
"Wha?" I blinked, twice. I rubbed my temples in aggravating confusion. "Okay, I'm kind of confused here. Are you telling me that you're not responsible for the unstable clouds and the cutie mark switch?"
Suddenly there were party blowers as I was showered with a cascade of yellow confetti.
"Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner here, Johnny!" Discord chimed uproariously aloud.
Unfazed, I crossed my arms and glowered. "Regardless," I began, "if you're not the one who started this whole mess, you still have the power to fix it."
"I do, don't I," Discord boastfully admitted.
"So why don't you do it?"
Discord rolled his eyes. "Sorry if I rain on your parade, Rick," he said as he conjured a small rain cloud above me, yet not a sign of a single raindrop descended, "but I am forbidden to do anything because Princess Celestia," he mockingly recited the name in a regal accent, "wishes me to lay low for today."
My glowering demeanor was wiped away and to be replaced with an inquisitive one. "For what apparent reason?" I asked.
The spirit extended a lion's finger in front of my face, waving it back and forth like a metronome. "Ah, ah, ah," he clicked his tongue, "that reason is only for me and her to know and for you to find out."
I curtly raised my arms in the air dismissively. "Okay. Fine. But I'm still mad at you for what you did earlier. I mean, did you have any idea how bad my heart rate was going? Did you consider the fact my phobia of escalating heights could've wrought a heart attack? Seriously. My heart hammered against my chest so hard it felt like it was going to burst right out of it!"
Discord blatantly shrugged as a reciprocation. "Oh, I don't know about that. I mean, it was out of fun, right?"
The minute Discord said that asinine comment, I shot him a glare as if my eyes were sharpened daggers. A stare that nearly rivaled my daughter's. Yes, my daughter once pulled out 'The Stare' (as she profoundly calls it) on me. It was way back when I tried giving her animal crackers. Admittedly saying if looks could kill, by George Fluttershy's could have easily done so. I mean, damn. Rainbow Dash's glare earlier had nothing on Fluttershy's. Even as her father, I dreaded whenever she'd use that authoritative stare of hers again.
"Fun? Fun?!" I repeated with an angry stomp. "A prank is only funny when the prankster and the pranked laugh! Do I look like I'm laughing?!"
"Well," Discord took a talon and groomed his goatee thoughtfully, "I guess I might have gone a little overboard."
"Overboard?! More like you took it to the extreme!" I snapped. "And what was with that stunt? Making me fall from a bajillion feet high! Teleporting would've sufficed enough without undergoing such a horrific experience!"
"Relax, Rick," Discord replied calmly. "It wasn't as if I would voluntarily let you hit the ground. What sort of monster do you take me for?"
"A mutant freak with a lion paw, an eagle talon for arms, a mane of a donkey, I think. An antler of a deer and that one..." I briefly paused trying to decipher his other horn. "I don't know what that other horn is."
"A blue goat horn," Discord said flatly.
"Whatever. What I know is you have a head of a horse and a body of different animals. Where I originally come from, we would call that a monstrosity; an abomination."
Discord poofed up a plain-white handkerchief, padding it against his watery eyes which I presumed I hurt his feelings. "Why..." he sniffed. "Why that's some of the nicest things anyone has ever called me."
"For Pete's sake!" I grumbled heatedly. "That wasn't a compliment- you- you know what, forget it," I huffed, and twirled around, my back now facing Discord. I stuck my nose in the air pointedly. "How did I even become friends with you in the first place?"
Discord teleported in front of me, his face inches from mine. "Is it because of my good looks?" he snarkily queried, wiggling his eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes. "I highly doubt that'd be the reason," I scoffed as I again swiveled away from his goofy face. "Plus, nobody in Ponyville would ever ask somebody such as you out," I added.
"Now you're just deliberately twying to hurt my widdle feewings," Discord spoke in a baby's voice. Stubborn as he was, he reappeared before me in a bright flash. He stood straightly upright how a British guard would stand outside his queen's castle. He placed his lion arm behind his back and offered his eagle claw for a handshake. This was highly unusual for Discord to behave so... normal. It's kind of disturbing. "But I suppose I should indulge myself to say I sincerely apologize for performing such an act. Why not we forget it ever happened and let bygones be bygones."
I stared at his claw, then his face, then back to the claw. I stretched my lips to a forgiving smirk and grabbed his hand firmly in acceptance. "Tch. Sure, why not," I said, shaking my hand up and down twice.
I pulled my hand away, only to realize that I actually yanked his arm off of his body.
Both of Discord's cheeks started inflating like a puffed up pufferfish, holding back from laughing.
I cracked a wry smile and said, "Well that's disarming."
For uncounted hours of the day, after we had arranged our settlement, Discord and I were chillaxing underneath the willow tree in front of the still waters of the lake, watching Celestia's sun slowly descend as half of it had already sunken below the distant horizon, glazing the sky a splendid glamour of autumn orange and dark magenta.
How an astonishing view such as this reminded me of home; the wondrous steep slopes stretched for miles on end, covered in a rich blanket of grass and daisies, the staggering collection of towering maple trees sprinkled around with the addition of the rising sun was always breathtaking to behold each morning. Living in that house for several solitary years were the crowning moments of my life. I relished every single minute of it.
A decent-paying job to fill the bills, a gnarly BMW vehicle for easy traveling, a wide plasma screen, and fancy laptop; I had everything a single man could ever ask for. But things changed when Fluttershy came along. When she stepped into the picture, she became my everything then. When she left, all that I possessed became meaningless to me then. For the sake of reuniting with my dear Shy, I had to give up the life, even the possessions I earned through hard work, I had on Earth to develop a new one in Equestria.
I never looked back since then. Though oftentimes I'd wonder how Earth has been doing. If I were somehow allowed to go back to Earth, would I shy away from that chance? Having lived in Equestria for a month would mean it has been thirty years on Earth. Even if I did return my house and my belongings would likely be gone; I'd be homeless and limping around the streets scavenging scraps of fast food out of trash bins wearing nothing but torn garbage bags as a poor choice of clothing for a living. So with that said, would I go back? The answer is obvious: Hell no. And besides, the air in Equestria is so clean that I would never dare go back to breathing toxic air.
Of course one would have to pardon the populace of ponies that behave hysterically around the alien-human. If I had to look on the bright side to this is I wouldn't have to worry about making too many friends. One single man, his daughter, and a couple of friends. That's as ideal as I can manage.
The story? Ah. Right. My apologies for the pointless rambling.
There was me and Discord, a simple mortal and an immortal deity as buddies, reclined against the willow tree as we watched the sun bidding its farewell to us and this side of the world for the moon to take the spotlight in the sky. Tracking back right after I and Discord formed our settlement, I had allowed myself to take an excursion through my mind about his "Celestia forbidding him to do anything today" and "only him and her to know and for me to find out" statement. Discord reassured me everything would fix itself eventually. Sure his reassurance drained the worries, but there was still a lingering puddle of curiosity about Celestia's vague intentions.
What was it she had to be secretive about? What sort of plan was she concocting if she had to make Discord be secretive too?
Quite a mystery to untangle. Perhaps the swapped cutie marks were-
I was then snapped out of my train of thoughts when Discord exhaled a dull yawn.
I swiveled my head to see the spirit nimbly spring to his feet. He arched his back at an impossible, and rather painful-looking might I regrettably add, angle. "Well this certainly has been an interesting day," he grunted as he bent his back further, meanwhile bending his knuckles with both hands to release a series of shuddering popping noises. He returned standing straight and massaged his back. "But I think it is time for me to bid you a humble farewell," said the draconequus with a quick bow.
I slowly got on to my knees and rose to my feet as well. "From the looks of it, I would say so," I weakly moaned as I stretched my arms to their fullest extent which made both my elbows yield a soft POP! sound. "I'm still concerned for my dear Shy though..."
Walking in front of me, Discord extended an arm and perched a comforting lion's paw on my shoulder. "As I told you before, Rick, this is nothing you should worry about," he said with a reassuring tone. He whipped out a smirk. "Shouldn't you be reminded this is the exact Fluttershy who stood up to a dragon. The one Fluttershy who blazed through a ruthless swarm of shape-changing, love-sucking changelings. And who was it that put a stop to Nightmare Moon's reign of terror?"
"Fluttershy," I answered quickly.
Discord nodded once. "Right, and who was the pegasus that stopped a raging tornado?"
"Fluttershy," I answered quickly again, albeit louder.
"And who was it that reformed I," announced Discord, placing an eagle claw on his chest's center, "The Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony. The God of Nonsensical Mischief. The Witty and Dastardly Dashing Rogue." I rolled my eyes but went along with it nonetheless. Discord's brows narrowed. He leaned closer until the tip of his nose was touching mine. "Tell me, Rick Gartners. Who? Who?!" he repeated with emphasis as he shook me lightly.
There was a brief dramatic pause before I repeated the answer for the third and hopefully for the final time, "Fluttershy."
Discord gently pushed himself away. "Right. So there's nothing you should be concerned about. I'll bet right now everything is back to normal," he said. I raised an incredulous brow. "Okay, maybe not as normal normal, but you get the picture," Discord quickly added.
I inclined my head to an affirmative nod. "I get it," I said.
"Good," Discord confirmed with another satisfied smirk, crossing his mismatched arms.
Before Discord snapped his fingers, I raised a hand to interrupt. "Oh, and Discord."
The spirit halted his movement and stared at me attentively. "Hm?" he hummed.
I sort of stood around in silence, my mind having an apology prepared yet my mouth refused to let it out. Why do men have to make it such a chore to say they're sorry?
I idly scratched the back of my head, gathering the nerve to speak while kicking the dirt. "Y' see. Well. I..." Damn it, Rick. Just spit it out already. It's two simple words. "I have something to tell you-" I was abruptly silenced when Discord planted an eagle talon over my lips.
"No need to say anymore, Rick," he said knowingly, reeling his talon back. "I completely forgive you. Sometimes we let loose our wild emotions out of our cages." He summoned a birdcage, and, I kid not, letters 'N', 'A', 'E', 'R', 'G' which my brain automatically spelled them out as 'Anger' with avian wings fluttered frantically about inside. "Should we do so, we abandon all sense of rationality." He lifted the pin locking the cage's door, freeing the frenzied letters.
The first thing they did with their newfound freedom was hurling themselves at me at the velocity of a speeding bullet. On instinct, I crossed my arms in front of my face to block the oncoming attack.
A loud sound of fingers snapping was heard beforehand. After some seconds, nothing happened to me. I peeked through the slit between my arms and saw that the aggressive letters were back in their metallic prison. With another snap of a finger, the cage turned -- along with the letters -- into mere grains of beach sand. A calm wind blew and carried a milky way of sand toward the yonder.
"As such, we tend to hurt those close to us. While we never mean to, what's done has been done; it'll leave a permanent scar that'll haunt you for the rest of your days," said Discord sagely with a somber demeanor.
I was standing here speechless at Discord's profound display of wisdom. Another side of him I never thought I'd get to see. I couldn't help but feel a tad sympathetic at his last sentence.
I wittingly shook myself out of my awestruck state. "Well, I'm still sorry," and finally I spoke. "I shouldn't have been so reckless with my accusations without evidence or proof."
Discord waved a dismissive hand. "It's all water under the bridge. Besides, I already forgave you." The deity again lifted up his hand, but suddenly froze. "Oh, I almost forgot," he said as he dove an eagle talon into his pockets that was his skin.
It's at this point I'd given up questioning Discord's illogicalness and went with the flow. The draconequus spent a whole minute digging profusely through his pockets, his expression is that of slight annoyance.
"Now where did I put that thing?" Discord grumbled in irritation, still unable to find what he was deliberately searching for for another wasted minute. He stopped to give himself a soft slap to the forehead with his lion paw. "Of course! How silly of me." He quickly pulled his eagle talon out of a pocket and plunged it into his left nostril.
I would say if he weren't doing this just out of cartoon humor I would have sprayed my yesterday's lunch all over the ground.
Plucked out of his nose, which surprisingly but thankfully wasn't coated in mucus, was my revolver Silver. "I believe you dropped this while you were, well," Discord then coughed, "out of commission." Pinched between a finger and thumb, he dangled the six-shooter by the barrel.
My eyes widened. I reached two hands to pad the backside of my pants to guarantee what he had wasn't just a makeshift copy of the real deal. No lump, no nothing. The revolver Discord had was genuinely Silver.
With a snap, the weapon took flight on its own and levitated in the air. "I thought it was best I'd hold onto it until your temper would simmer down." The revolver leisurely floated towards me.
I grabbed the handle with uttermost care and inspected it thoroughly; I flicked my wrist to swing the cylinder out, seeing all chambers loaded with rounds. I went on inspecting the hammer. I pulled the hammer back and prompted a firm squeeze on the trigger. The hammer gave a loud, functional click. I skated a finger delicately across the barrel to check for any feeling of dents. The harsh, cold steel bit the sensitive nerves of my skin, but vividly smooth nonetheless. I flicked the cylinder back in and spun the chamber.
Amply pleased with the results, I holstered the revolver into the back of my pants. "Smart thinking," I remarked fairly. Not paying attention to the time that's passed, I noticed that it was getting rather dark. Being that it was a night of a full moon, it was bright enough to illuminate the ground. "I wonder if everything is back to the way it was," I mused aloud.
"Still mulling over that, huh? Well why don't you go and find out?" quizzed Discord deviously. It was dark, but I was certain that I saw a sly smile crested on his face. Without giving me a chance to react, the spirit clicked his fingers. My vision was recently re-acquainted with a bright flash of white.
If there's one thing Discord loved to do, it's pulling surprises. The moment I heard those last words, 'Well why don't you go and find out?', and noticed that mischievous smile of his, I suspected he was gonna pull a fast one on me. That's Discord for ya, though.
I'll be completely honest here - elucidating the intricacies on how teleportation works are far beyond my own extent of knowledge and comprehension. So I'll just skim to the matters at hand.
The featureless whiteness shrouding every corner of my vision was periodically fading away. I repeatedly blinked as a means to hasten the dissipation, although it was useless. I waited another minute until I recovered enough sight to notice a wooden wall before me. Everything was still gray, but the color soon returned to me as I was able to distinguish the colors of the wooden wall.
Peach pink. That's all there was on this smooth, wooden wall. I whirled around to see several rows of bookshelves, each shelf crammed to the brim with organized books that varied in colors and bulging sizes, thus evoking the indication that this was, without doubt, a library. Correction - The Golden Oak Library, evidently known as Twilight's humble tree home. I could easily tell because I've been here before and by surveying my surroundings; likewise, there are the two pedestals opposite from one another to lay books atop of. There are the stairs with three pink hearts -- a tad girly for my taste if you ask me -- engraved on the risers which I'd presumed they lead up towards Twilight's bedroom on the second floor. I've heard there's a basement, but never had I been down there yet. And let's not forget the perfectly round table centered at the ground floor with a morbidly-disturbing wooden pony head figure standing atop of it.
I then looked up pointedly and lo and behold there's a gigantic sun symbol plastered on the ceiling, a symbol that echoed Celestia's cutie mark. That was actually new to me. Was it always there before or...? Well, I decided this wasn't the appropriate time to dawdle around asking myself pointless questions when I should be wondering where Twilight and Spike went seeing as the whole ground floor was barren of its occupants, except for an owl who had just woken up from my out-of-nowhere intrusion.
Ah yes. Twilight's pet. What was the owl's name? I couldn't think at the top of my head. Owlicious? Owloysius? Well, I guessed it really didn't matter. Far as I was aware, the owl is sentient enough to understand english language, so I sauntered over to the nocturnal creature to show I wasn't nervous or unfriendly.
"Oh hey, Owloysius," I greeted calmly, uncertain if I pronounced the name correctly.
"Who," hooted the owl sitting on its tall perch, eyes leveled with mine.
I cocked a brow. "What do you mean who? I'm referring to you, Owloysius."
"Who," Owloysius repeated.
"You," I said, pointing at the bird matter-of-factly.
"Who."
"You," I said with a sagging frown.
"Who," the owl repeated for the fourth time.
I facepalmed irritably. "For the last time y-" I quickly paused and took a smack of realization to the face. "Ah, right. You're an owl. Forgot that's the only thing you creatures can say." I lightly chuckled, awkwardly embarrassed how foolish I had made myself look. Luckily there wasn't anyone else around to witness the entire scene. "Promise you won't mention this to anyone?" I asked.
"Who," Owloysius replied.
"Good girl," I acknowledged with a satisfied grin and received a confused frown in return.
Suddenly, intense rays of blinding light from outside spontaneously beamed through all the windows, showering the ground with sparkling illumination. I shaded myself temporarily until it died down seconds after.
That was... short-lived, I thought as I approached the front door.
"Twilight... is that you?" I heard someone's voice from beyond the door. It was muffled, but I could determine whose voice that belonged to. A myriad of gasps followed afterward.
Gently prodding the wooden gate slightly forward, ensuring the hinges don't creak but enough to get a clear view, I peeked through the crack. Outside under the silverish glow were six ponies and a baby dragon. There's Applejack, the orange pony with the stetson cowboy hat. The pink, poofy-maned pony was obviously Pinkie Pie. Rainbow Dash, known for her cyan fur and exclusive rainbow-colored mane and tail. The pearly-white unicorn was Rarity given she'd be the only one to have her purple mane and tail meticulously styled.
And there was my sunshine and happiness; my little butterfly, Fluttershy.
Oh and Twilight Sparkle.
The purple unicorn steadily stood up on fours and wings majestically burst forth, proudly stretching to their fullest extent for flair.
Awe-inspiring to say the least but-
Hold the phone! Wings? Twilight didn't have wings, to begin with. She was a plain, wingless unicorn. She now had both wings and a horn. When did this happen? If this means what I think this means then... Oh, snap. Slack-jawed, I quickly readjusted my composure and watched by as the five ponies and dragon marveled at their friend's new transformation.
Applejack trotted near Twilight, bringing a hoof close to her own jaw. "Ah... Ah never seen anything like it," she said.
"I've never seen anything like it either," I seconded aloud.
Each of the ponies and the baby dragon directed their attention toward my whereabouts.
Their eyes widened. "Rick?!" they blurted out in unison and in shock upon my appearance. All except Fluttershy, who continued staring at me, dumbfounded.
I stood in front of Twilight's house, waving a hand and itching the back of my neck with the other. "Uh... hi," I said. "Hope I haven't interrupted anything important but I thought I'd-"
Abruptly, Fluttershy bolted past her friends in a blur and lunged at me so hard I fell to the ground. I wheezed when her hooves wrapped themselves around my stomach in a vice grip as she dug her face deep into my chest. I could hear her sobbing as she rubbed her face further into me. Stretching a fatherly smile, I returned the embrace with a warm hug of my own, content that everything was back to the way things were.
The ceremonial embrace was interrupted when the newly promoted alicorn spoke up, "Rick? When... Where... How did you get here?" she asked confusedly.
Once again here I was sitting quietly inside my daughter's cottage, in front of the brown desk table, lit candlestick to my left and ink bottle to my right, writing down a log of today's anomalous experience in the middle of the silent night - serenity and bliss which I'm always overly fond of. Quill squeezed firmly between my thumb and index finger, I quickly hovered the instrument over the ink bottle for a small dip and back to finish off a sentence with a solid-black period poked at the end. I let out a silent, tired yawn and scanned over the page for any errors or misspellings. Not one misspelling or flaw to be traced. Superb.
It was certainly one short adventure to remember, and hopefully my last. It's like I said, I very much preferred living a simple and tranquil lifestyle. But an unsettling sense was nagging me that there's more to come, no matter how much I resent the obnoxious feeling. Fluttershy though, I swear, is just the sweetest little angel. Turned out that her not acknowledging me as her father was the silly reason she was crying back at Twilight's tree house. Oh, how she begged me to forgive her. It was the darndest thing ever. I told her it was never her fault, to begin with. Though I later found out that it was Twilight's; she explained the situation which involved some sort of spell a wise old unicorn named Star the Swirly Bearded or whatever never finished, and when she tried solving it, she miscalculated to which entailed the cutie mark switch. But then I actually found out that it was Celestia who assigned Twilight with the task.
So if there was anybody to blame, it'd be Celestia. Why? Because I had to get out of bed early, meander around town and get lost in the process, meanwhile searching for a draconequus who had nothing to do with the whole mess only for naught. Zip. Nada. A whole day wasted on a wild goose chase. Someday. Someday, I'll get back at Celestia. It's a matter of convenience. Today was inconvenient, given my daughter and her friends were right there. Speaking of which, yeah, the celestial mare arrived during the same night after Twilight became an alicorn. I took this opportune moment to ask about the house permit and, get this, Celestia literally said in three days I am to attend a court meeting with her for the signature papers of homeownership. Unfortunately, that's only half the reason why I'd be going there... Somebody must have informed someone about me smashing a hole through Sugarcube Corner's wall, so Celestia added that I'd be attending court for paying the damage fee of twenty bits.
Fluttershy, as usual, insisted she'd cover the charges, but I swore an oath that I'd look for a job. I'll housekeep. I'll scrub windows. Heck, I'll even clean up pet crap, just so I can repay her.
Anything else? Hmm... Ah! What with Twilight's ascension, she'll be coronated as a legitimate princess, hence tomorrow's her coronation day. Was I cordially invited to be part of it? Evidently... by Twilight no less. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the thought, but I didn't exactly DO anything to partake in the ceremony. If it had to do with me taking care of Fluttershy on Earth, then I could see it as a plausible reason. But what really hooked me in was the buffet Twilight promised. Quality food prepared for royalty? Awesome. I didn't care if I was going to get scrutinized by wary glares; there was no way I'd turn down free food.
Since I had three days to wait for the house permits, I'm going with my dear Shy the day after tomorrow to the market valley in Ponyville to restock on animal supplies due to the reserve stock running low. I think we all know who was to blame for that... So it'd be about time Fluttershy and I get to spend some quality time together as human father and pony daughter. I mean, me at the market valley, carrying all the stuff while my dear Shy talks about her habits and hobbies she likes on a perfectly (non-threatening) normal day. That's a sobering thought for sure.
My ears caught the creaking, eerie sound of the wooden floor to the right. I grabbed hold of the candlestick over to the direction. The figure responsible for the noise stepped into the light. It was Fluttershy. Her pink tresses was an absolute tangled mess, a few strands were out of place, and so was her tail.
Her face scrunched from the candle's flickering flare.
"Dad..." said Fluttershy, her voice and tone dry from tiredness as she rubbed the bags underneath her eyes with a foreleg.
I closed the journal and pushed the chair away from the desk, shifting myself directly toward her.
"What's the matter, sweetie?" I whispered.
"I can't sleep. Do you mind if I..." her words trailed off as she softly fidgeted the floor with her hooves.
"Of course," I answered knowingly with a soft smile. This occasionally happens whenever she has a nightmare. She then won't go back to sleep and would ask of me to lay beside her until she does. It's... a bit complicated. I don't know what it is, but she feels a lot safer sleeping whenever I'm around. You could say I'm her personal teddy bear... I'm going to need to talk with her about this at some point.
With a free arm, I hoisted Fluttershy up and started taking her up the stairs. "Oooh," I huffed under the surprising strain of her weight. "No more cupcakes for you young miss."
"Mmm," Fluttershy lazily murmured in response, as if she barely heard what I said.
Finally, we reached the top, and thankful am I that Fluttershy left her door wide open. Half-asleep in my arm, I hobbled toward her bed. Her yellow coat and pink mane vibrantly glowed from the rays of the silver moonlight slitting past the cottage's window above her bed's headboard.
And so I tucked ourselves in underneath the cozy comforters and sheets, my legs poking out of the foot of the bed due to its dwarfish size. Fluttershy contently sighed as she snuggled herself closer to me, a heartwarming smile plastered on her features. I planted a soft peck on her forehead before I, too, drifted into slumber.
It's been officially two weeks since my arrival here in Equestria. Well, technically two weeks and three days, and each of those days wasn't that exciting. But my very first day... Boy, that was one heck of a party Pinkie Pie held. Granted, she can be extremely annoying when she blabbers anything nonstop, and I mean anything whether it's about parties or whatever topic springs to her mind, but that 'Welcome to Ponyville' party was something. I practically stuffed myself up with sweets and fruit punch until I felt like I was gonna burst like a thoroughly-packed pinata.
Besides that, nothing new or interesting had happened in those two weeks. Which is saying something given the genre of the show.
Well, that was until the sixteenth day...
Father's Day.
Ah, yes. A particular day when we praise our fathers with gifts as a token of paternal appreciation. My daughter was overwhelmingly eager for this. She already had plans sorted for a whole day of father and daughter bonding. I was looking forward to it, knowing my dear Shy knew me well than any other person or pony could, so she endeavor to make this memorable.
But this Father's Day is unlike any other Father's Day.
It all starts on a fine day at noon. The sky devoid of clouds, the heat comfortable to walk in with just an orange t-shirt and blue jeans, the sweet aroma of flowers pervades the air. It still fills me with felicity to breathe in the clean air instead of exhaust. Everything else is bliss.
Fluttershy and I take a promenade to Ponyville, pondering on which outdoor cafe would be ideal for my first gift. Like I said, my daughter made plans for Father's Day and the first thing that crossed her mind was to have lunch at a cafe. Of course, it wouldn't go without saying that while we've been ambling through the town I've been given curious and skeptical glances by the pony folk.
The majority of the citizens around us are stallions, being this is Father's Day 'n' all. The colts and fillies accompanying them are pointing tiny hooves at me, asking their fathers questions aloud like "What is that, Daddy?" or "Where did it come from?"
I even see a colt that has a teal coat with an ocean-blue mane blurting out incoherent profanities, which earned the little shit a smack upside the head by a mare (presumably his mother). I couldn't help but snicker at that. Both the colt swearing and his mother whapping him upside the head.
As we wander around searching, we inadvertently run into Twilight Sparkle who is accompanied by a young, blue stallion who I presume is her father.
Twilight is the one to see us straight away amongst the crowd. "Fancy meeting you two here!" She says cheerfully in mild surprise. "I take it you two are out here for Father's Day too?"
I open my mouth, but my daughter speaks up before I could. "Of course," Fluttershy answers, beaming a friendly smile.
Upon the mention of my name, the stallion points his attention to me. "Oh, so you must be this 'human' my daughter talked about. You know she's spoken kindly of you."
I place the knuckle of my index finger just below my bottom lip. "Oh has she?" I ask.
"Most certainly," he replies with a chipper tone. "You know I would too if somepony saved my best friend's life. At least that's what my daughter here said." The stallion raises a hoof and gently scratches Twilight's noggin. "Isn't that right my little Twilight?"
Twilight's cheeks burn bright red as she softly elbows her father's side. "Dad!" she whines, swatting the hoof away. "Don't say it like that, I'm not a filly anymore!"
I laugh, albeit softly and quietly. "Daughters, am I right?"
"Indeed so," Twilight's father concurs with small chuckles. "It's amazing how they grow up so fast. By the way, the name's Night Light."
"The name's Rick Gärtners," I say, returning the pleasantry.
"That's a rather... unique name," Night Light says.
"Yeah. It's the name my foster parents gave me," I sneer, my right lip and nose curling up with anger at the thought of them. "But, I digress. To further answer Twilight's question, yes; my dear Shy here is taking me to a cafe and is footing the bill as part of her Father's Day present."
"What a coincidence, we're going to a cafe ourselves," Night Light says. Twilight still has the blush on her face, looking away. "My daughter here had everything planned days before Father's Day. After the cafe, we'll be going to a museum of Equestria's history BC."
"BC?" I ask.
"Before Celestia," Night Light clarifies.
I mouth a soundless oh and say, "Well, anyway, I suppose we'll be getting along now—"
"Oh, wait!" Fluttershy interjects. "Why not we let Twilight and her father join us at the cafe too?"
Twilight's blush fades quickly as her demeanor perks. "That's a wonderful idea!" Twilight chimes eagerly. She looks to Night Light, who nods, and looks to Fluttershy whose smile is also stretching from ear to ear. All three of the ponies are now looking to me, Twilight and Fluttershy both having anticipating looks on their faces.
I roll my eyes, then huff a relinquished sigh. "Very well," I say, shrugging. "If my daughter wishes it, I won't argue."
Fluttershy nuzzles the side of my leg, while Twilight keeps her joyful grin. Something about Twilight being overly joyful of Fluttershy's suggestion has me a tad suspicious, yet I think of it that they're friends who greatly enjoy each other's company. Nothing else.
Twilight and Night Light begin their move as Fluttershy and I pursuit as they usher the way. After several minutes of searching, we find a quaint cafe. There are a plethora of round, white, outdoor wooden tables scattered around with chairs to match. Each table has a pink vase with a single rose in every one of them. As for the building, it looks to be your typical, small establishment like a Starbucks, only the roof of hay being the difference. But what catches me is the name plastered on the sign.
'Penny's?' I question in thought. 'Rather interesting name...'
The place is abuzz with a myriad of stallions having the time of their lives with their sons and/or daughters, whether they're young or old or in one case I swear I see four generations sitting at one table. A lot of the tables are occupied but thank heavens there are a couple of vacant ones available. We manage to find a table with only two chairs, though we have to borrow from another two tables that weren't using the extra chairs to make up the four we need.
Twilight uses her magic to pull her father's seat. Fluttershy, using her wings, pulls mine. While I wasn't too keen to let my daughter treat me to lunch, she insisted without taking no for an answer. I would've been able to treat myself, it's just that the last time I tried I got kicked out. How was I supposed to know dollar bills were useless in Equestria? Well, with a wallet full of Washingtons, Lincolns, and a Jefferson, I guess they could provide as emergency toilet paper.
Ahaha... No.
Once we were all seated, a mare wearing a red and white striped cap on her head saunters up to us. The mare's coat is light-tan, her brown mane tied up into a ponytail, her flank bearing a heart with a baby bottle overlaying the right of it as a cutie mark.
She has a content smile, the green saddlebags strapped both to her sides bop as she approaches. "Hello there, and welcome to Penny's," the mare says happily, "I will be your waitress today." She dives her muzzle into the left saddlebag, withdrawing four menus and places them on the table. "What can I get you, fine folks?"
Twilight's horn glows as she levitates one of the menus in front of her, scanning it for a few seconds before deciding, "I'll have your daisy sandwich with a glass of water, please."
Night Light also levitates one of the menus and pores through whatever's on there. "Since my daughter's treating me, I think I'll order a daisy sandwich too, without the crust. Oh, and a glass of your famous 'Moon Juice'."
Twilight gives him a peculiar look. "What's that?" She asks, raising a brow.
"It's a combination of two things, Twilight. Coffee, and a cocktail called 'Moonshake'. Just mix an espresso with the shaken cocktail and serve."
I also raise a curious eyebrow. "I didn't know you had liqueur here."
"Well," Night Light begins. "I don't know what ones you had, but they're not well known. It's a case of knowing somepony who knows somepony kind of situations if you want some. It's not illegal, just hard to come by," he adds. Night Light and Twilight hover their menus back to the waitress.
"Alrighty," our waitress mutters after jotting down the orders on a small notebook with a pen in her mouth. How ponies can do that skillfully is beyond my comprehension. Another thing that puzzles me is how this mare acts so content and relaxed around me even when some of the other ponies surrounding us have been eyeing me a bit strangely as if I'm some freaky science project let loose. She turns to me and Fluttershy, ready to write our order. "And what can I get you two?"
Out of curiosity, I lean forward and ask softly, "Uh, I don't mean to come out... blunt, but, aren't you afraid of me, or nervous at all?"
The mare's eyes remain glued to her notebook as she replies, "We welcome all customers here at Penny's, alien or not. We're not like any other cafe or establishment; long as the customer pays the bill, we are unbiased," she answers casually.
"I see," I respond blandly, sitting back in my chair. "I'm liking this place already." I reach for one of the two remaining menus and examine the selections.
At the very top is a big, bolded 'Beverages' and below there are various names for the said drinks. First, we have the 'Moon Juice' that even had #1 Selling beside it (I suppose that's why Night Light announced it as "famous"), but with 'For Adults Only' texted on it's right. Second is 'Fresh 'n' Fruity'. It had a list of the contents which include: pineapple, strawberry, blueberry and lastly banana. And there's 'Iced Tea' and 'Root Beer Float'. Are... are they serious? No witty name, or anything? Oh well, at least they have floats. And since I'm in the mood for something sweet, I decide to go with the root beer float, but I closely check the price beforehand.
'Two bits? That seems about fair. Not too expensive, not too cheap,' I say in thought. I momentarily lower the menu and raise a single finger. "I think I'll quench myself with your guys' root beer float," I declare.
"Good choice," the waitress says, "and what dish would you like to order with your float?"
I peek at the menu once more, and there are three categories: Breakfast, Lunch, and, last but not the least, Dinner. Being noon, I peruse the choices under Lunch.
First, we have Buttered Biscuits. Riveting... The second we have... Cinnamon Swirl?
'Okay, that's more of a dessert than lunch, but I'll dismiss that for now.'
Third, we have Daisy Sandwich, which is definitely out of the question. I'm not a vegetarian if that's been obvious from the get-go. And fourth we have... Quesadilla? I guess there's no escaping Mexican food, no matter what universe I'm in.
I opt for the buttered biscuits without glancing at the other options. "And to go with that float I'd like an order of buttered biscuits." Fluttershy softly nudges my arm. "Please," I add, handing the menu over to the waitress who just finished scribbling.
She stashes the menu in her saddlebags and looks to Fluttershy. "And what about you, miss?" the mare queries.
"Just iced tea, please," Fluttershy kindly requests, not having to look through the menu. She probably has been here plenty of times to know their selections.
I turn to my daughter quizzically. "Not going to eat?" I ask.
"Not really hungry right now," Fluttershy replies. "I kinda had a big breakfast."
"Alright, if you're sure," I say, shrugging. I take the last menu and hand it to the waitress.
"So we have two daisy sandwiches, one without the crust. One buttered biscuit. One Moon Juice, light on the ice. One iced tea. A glass of water and a root beer float," our waitress proclaims. "Will that be all for now, folks?"
"Yes," Twilight confirmed.
"Yup," Night Light seconded.
"Mhmm," Fluttershy hums loudly.
"Mhmm," I hum with an affirming nod.
"Great! I'll be back with your drinks shortly," the mare chirps before she ambles toward another table.
I groan inwardly. 'Yeah, great, except now we gotta wait for our food for who knows how long.' My fingers softly drum on the wooden table's surface as I watch Twilight and her father sitting around quietly and patiently for our beverages to arrive. Meanwhile, Fluttershy is sky gazing, admiring the cloudless yonder as she hums a harmonious tune to herself.
I couldn't help but take notice of the rhythm. It sounds vaguely familiar to something I used to listen to years ago.
I cross my arms and smirk. "Humming your old man's favorite song, huh?"
Fluttershy rips her gaze from the sky and smiles at me brightly. "Yes," she replies before she starts humming again.
I stretch a warm smile and rest an elbow on the table with my chin on my palm, listening to my daughter's most beautiful hums. The times I've heard her sing, I'd get so lost in her angelic melodies; I would melt just from hearing her silky voice. So soothing, so... enchanting. I close my eyes, letting tranquility wash over me.
Sure I can exaggerate when it comes to praising my daughter. But take my word for it.
It feels like time has gone fast forward, for by the time my dear Shy stops her humming, I open my eyes to find our drinks on the table. The mare that was our waitress is already gone. Have I... dozed off for a bit? Well, it doesn't matter. The beverages are here, and I am parched.
I sit upright and observe my float, awestruck as it is not a wee glass but a remarkably-large mug full of fizzy root beer that could quench the thirstiest of the thirsty. I watch as a stream of foam trails down the side of the mug, the sight causing me to lick my lips. For two bits I did not expect this, but I wasn't complaining either. Pleased with my choice, I firmly grab the thick handle and start chugging it down in vigor. I've gotten about four mouthfuls before stopping to catch my breath.
As it is notoriously root beer, the stuff works its carbonated magic as my stomach gurgles loudly, and I feel something crawling up to my throat and eventually to my mouth. My cheeks bulge before I release a mighty, resonating burp. I gently slam my mug down on the table, wiped away the foam mustache under my nose, and smiled in pure satisfaction.
"Now that there is a float!" I exclaim satisfyingly.
But the hushed-slash-loud conversations that once surrounded us are gone. I look around the area and see that the ponies are staring at me even more strangely, excluding my daughter who continues drinking her iced tea through a straw. Few of the colts and fillies giggle while the adult ponies speechlessly gawk for possibly about a minute until they return to their babbling.
I face forward where Twilight and Night Light are exchanging me similar looks the ponies gave me. Well, not really in regards to that. They seem a bit... astonished? The word's there, I just can't think of an accurate term. Regardless, Night Light is the first to speak up after the brief silence.
"Well, didn't know you had that in you, Rick," Night Light comments with a chuckle.
"Heh, yeah, my bad," I respond with a slight grin. "How often do you drink coffee, anyway?"
"I've got it on good authority that Princess Luna, while she can hold her liquor, coffee has a more... pronounced effect on her. Princess Celestia made her this concoction to see what would happen."
"And... What exactly did transpire?" I query.
"Have you ever seen an all but immortal Princess off her plot; drunk and buzzed out of her mind on coffee? Word of mouth found its way to me, and dozens of coffee pots and bottles of liquor later, she kept comically proclaiming she could fly. You should have seen the state of her!"
Twilight's horn sparks to life as a purplish aura envelopes her glass of water. The edge of the cup floats up to her lips as she took a small, silent sip. Setting it back down, the unicorn leans her torso forward, placing both elbows on the table and rests her chin between her crossed forelegs, her eyes fixated on me.
"So, Rick, how has living in Equestria been faring you?" Twilight inquires.
"Aside from the stares, somewhat fairly," I reply, somewhat enthusiastic.
Twilight perked a small smile. "That sounds good. So what else have you been doing for the past week or two?"
I lean backward, teetering on the chair's rear legs back and forth, with my feet rooted on the ground to stay balanced, as I contemplate. I then stand the chair back on to its fours. "Well, I'm still trying to finish up that book I borrowed from you. I've only gotten up to the creepy bit where the filly finds a sketchy town filled with sketchy ponies in the middle of a forest."
"Ah, yes, that book. I've read it myself and it is true to its genre," Twilight nods before taking another sip of her water.
"Yeah," I wholly agree, "the ambiance the book builds is bone-chillingly descriptive. Props to the writer. I really am curious as to what happens next."
"You'll have to read more to find out," Twilight teases with a wink.
"Hmm. Fair enough," I say, smiling wryly.
"Long as we're asking questions," Night Light butts in, "my daughter told me you lived in a different world." He gingerly rubbed the bottom of his chin. "Memory's sort of faint, but you used to live on a planet called Earth, right?"
"Correctomundo," I reply.
"Ah, so what is Earth like, if you don't mind explaining?"
"Well," I begin, scratching the bristly facial hair underneath my chin, "Earth isn't much "different" than your world in comparison. The major difference between yours and ours is we have advanced technology. I mean, in our world we have these things called cell phones that enable us to communicate with people around the world without having to go speak to them face to face."
"Very much like sending letters," Night Light remarks.
"A much more advanced and immediate way of sending letters," I quickly add. "With a few presses of a button, you can verbally communicate with anybody in an instant, whether they're on the opposite end of the world, there's no limit to how far cell phones can reach."
"I see," Night Light mutters. "Sounds like your kind is quite more advanced than us."
"To some degree. Even though your world is a bit primitive, you guys have magic whereas we don't. I certainly can't levitate things with my mind."
Twilight covers her mouth with a hoof and gasps. "You mean to tell me you don't have magic in your world?!"
"Allow me to reiterate," I say, "that we DO have so-called "magic". But it's not quite the same as your world's. Y'see, our way of magic is smoke and mirrors. To simply put it in layman's terms, our magic is fake and is a scam to rob people's money. Plain and simple."
"Awful, I know," I finish for her. I grab my mug for a quick swig and set it back down. "We humans have to make a living, whether it's an honest job or not."
"Speaking of which, I-"
Twilight is suddenly cut off when our waitress finally arrives, carrying a platter with our food atop of it on her head. Carefully, the mare sets the platter down on the table.
"Here are your orders and the bill, folks! Remain seated once you've finished, and place the payment on the platter and I'll mosey on by to retrieve it. Thank you for choosing Penny's!"
And with that she quickly trots off, leaving us to our food. I stare deprecatingly down at my petite dish, but the luxurious scent of melted butter in the biscuits almost has made me drool, and I hadn't eaten much of breakfast earlier today. I rub my palms together with the tip of my tongue sticking out the corner of my lips and grab the warm, fluffy biscuit, mouth opening wide as I am about to take the first bite. That is until Twilight continues.
"As I was saying... What was your occupation on Earth?"
Irritated, though not visibly shown, I lower the biscuit and rolled my right wrist. "Journalism. Just your average kind of job, and I've worked as a journalist for more than five years." I ready for the bite once more, only to be stopped by another question.
"That's very fascinating," Twilight says in slight interest. "What were the best events you ever recorded or written into the newspaper? Surely you've written some engrossing topics."
I rest the biscuit onto its miniature plate, my face contorting a little. "Eehhh... Not exactly," I say in an unassured, cracked voice. "They weren't, uh, "engrossing" as you might think."
"Come now, Rick, surely there's some attainment you had to have done if you've rolled journalism for several years. There's no need to be reticent or cryptic about it."
"Well," I begin, scratching the side of my face, "I guess it wouldn't-"
Across a couple tables, I could hear some crying. Craning my neck to try and locate its source, I see a lighter lavender unicorn filly with blonde hair crying, hugging an older, grey pegasus mare who also has blonde hair.
So where's the stallion of a father? While I'm not that close-minded on the matter of a mother taking the role of a father, I'm the kind of man who was raised by a traditional family who has been taught traditional values. I personally believe that a family should consist of a mother and father. But there's probably more to this than what I'm assuming.
"Excuse me," I say to Twilight, keeping my gaze fixed on the duo.
Rising from my seat, I saunter to the pegasus who is desperately trying to calm the wailing unicorn filly.
"Rick, where you going?" Twilight hollers.
"Just give me a second," I reply loudly. Once I reach the table with the pegasus mare and unicorn filly, I look down at the two with a stern gaze. "What's going on around here?" I demand.
The mother holds her breath when I crouch down next to her wailing daughter. "Hey," I say to the filly softly, whose wailing ceases momentarily, "what's the matter, little one?"
"I don't have a daddy," squeaks the sniffling filly. I could tell from the mother's expression that her heart has cracked from the middle, both halves falling away from each other. I'm going to assume two things: either the father has passed away or the filly could be adopted. Either way, it's saddening to listen to a child's cry.
"Oh..." I murmur, feeling sympathetic. "That's, well, unfortunate to hear. It really is. But you want to hear a secret?" I whisper, one hand cupped at the side of my mouth.
"What is it?" the filly asks curiously, no longer sniffling or tearing.
"When I was— Actually, beforehand, what's your name, and how exactly old are you?"
"My name? Dinky, and I'm turning five in three weeks," Dinky answers.
"Alright, Dinky," I say, tittering at the name. "As I was saying, when I was maybe two years old, I was raised by foster parents. I... didn't really have a real mother and/or father."
"Really?" Dinky asks.
"Yes, really," I admit. "Foster parents just aren't the same, let me tell you that. Even if you don't have a father, I'd say you are most lucky to have your real mother who'll love you unconditionally. No. Matter. What." I quickly look at the pegasus who is also listening. "If I were you, I'd be extremely happy to be with her every second because nothing is greater than a mother's love. If you look over there," I point at my daughter sitting at our table waving at me happily, "that's my daughter, and I raised her as a single father."
Dinky shifts her gaze between me and Fluttershy. She tilts her head in confusion. "Is she your real daughter?"
"A-haha..." I titter. "Well... no. Not biologically, anyway. But that's not the point. What matters is that you have a mother who'll always be there for you, care for you, and will always love you. Keep that to heart." I ruffle her mane a little, and the filly lets out a jovial giggle.
The filly stands on her hind legs and wraps her forehooves around my neck. "Thank you, mister," Dinky says gratefully.
I was a bit surprised at this but return the hug in kind. "You're welcome."
Dinky sits back down on her seat, no longer frowning. "Will... Will you be my daddy? Just for today?" She implores with puppy-dog eyes.
My eyes widen in disbelief. Why on Ea-I mean Equestria-would someone, let alone a filly, ask a complete stranger to be her father for a day? Furthermore, I didn't even introduce myself, so I'm rather shocked at the sudden trust the filly has for me. In brief silence, I look at my daughter, who overheard the entire speech, and she nods indulgently.
I then look up, as I am still crouched, at the smiling pegasus mare. "And you're okay with this, miss...?" I ask.
"Ditzy. Ditzy Doo," the blonde pegasus replies, "and if it means a lot to her, I won't oppose."
'Heh. That sounds just like what I said moments ago.' I then look back at the filly with a soft smile. "Then of course," I finally answer.
What entailed after those three words? Well, let's just say I made a filly's day, made an actual new friend, and considered renaming diabeetus to Dinkybeetus.
"Alright, son. I want you to take this revolver and shoot that target there pinned on the tree."
"Bullseye! And on your first try, too."
"Wow! Another three shots dead in the center! You seem to have a natural talent for this."
"Now let me go grab the target so we can-"
*BANG*
The loud bang of a shutting door startles me wide awake that I spontaneously sit up in a cold sweat, chest inflating in and out as my heart thumps at an irregular beat.
I frantically glance around the empty bedroom as it has ligneous furniture hugging its walls, solar rays stream out of the shutters down onto a few butterfly-patterned rugs that lay across the wooden floor in a triangular pattern. My rapid breathing slows to a steady and calm pace as soon as I gather my bearings. I lay back against the headboard and close my eyes with a collected sigh.
Should there be any questions as to what the deal is, I will spare the explanation.
Wiping away the beads of sweat from my forehead, I hop out of bed and make a beeline for the restroom for my bladders are screaming for relief.
Exiting Fluttershy's bedroom, I turn to my immediate left and grab the bathroom's door handle. My stomach loudly protests the minute I open the door to give me a harsh reminder that I haven't eaten anything since last night.
"There, there, buddy," I say, patting my stomach. "I know you're cranky, but remember that today's the day we can chow down until we explode, so hang in there until then." My stomach then growls its response like it has a mind of its own.
I smirk and proceed to make my bladder gladder. Some of you may be contemplating why Fluttershy has a bathroom, let alone a toilet? Well, disturbingly funnily enough, it turns out the ponies here do have bladders, which implicates they have... dare I say... genitalia.
Don't ask me how or why they do. Do you honestly think I would even have the audacity to ask some cartoon characters if they have honeypots or teabags? I'd fucking die out of embarrassment.
Sorry. Bit of a write-down-your-thoughts oopsie there.
Their toilets are what you expect to be squat toilets, and they're rather parallel to those that you can find in Japan, which would make sense given the fact they're ponies without hands. And now I can't help but visualize how'd they'd do it with their hooves... I shudder just at the mere thought...
However, for me, it's an uncomfortable position -- not to mention awkward -- let me tell you.
After squeezing the lemon (get it?), I wash my hands and leave the bathroom. My ears catch Fluttershy's voice coming from downstairs.
"Oh, I don't know, Twilight. Father is usually cranky when he doesn't get enough sleep," Fluttershy says.
'Great... Twilight's here. Given that my name was mentioned, I'm assuming Twilight wants to have a chat with me or something?' I muse.
I pray to God it's nothing like the discussion we had around last week. Was bad enough we've conversed about copulation between different species like a donkey and pony, or a zebra and dragon.
"But he needs to be up and ready! We've only got approximately three hours before the coronation!" Twilight replies, albeit slightly exclamative with a slight touch of panic in her tone. "We've already got Pinkie Pie and Apple Jack handling the party designs and pastries. Rainbow Dash is still at her home doing Celestia-knows-what. Rarity is busy finishing up the dresses she has been working on since yesterday. And I need you to gather up some doves."
"Doves?" Fluttershy asks.
"Rock doves for releasing on the sound of the bells," Twilight rephrases. "And I need to discuss things with Rick. If I want this ceremony to be perfect, it is important that I speak with him right away!"
Dead silent, I stand stock-still at the top of the stairs having a hand cupped to my ear for better hearing. I'm curious to know if Twilight will impart her reasons why she needs to talk to me.
"If I may suggest, Twilight, can you please not be so loud? I would hate it if Father doesn't get his nine hours of sleep," Fluttershy says softly.
"Fluttershy," Twilight sighs my daughter's name, "the average hours of sleep for a pony is about seven to eight hours."
"Well... Father's not a pony..." Fluttershy corrects. "And he taught me a saying: a working and tired mind needs an extra hour of beauty sleep."
Yeah... I guess I did tell her that way back. I'll admit that I made that shit up. I had a headache at the time, and the printers at my workplace were on the fritz because some artard spilled coffee on them. Broken printers are a recipe for calamity. It doesn't take a genius to know.
"That doesn't seem sound of a saying at all, Fluttershy..." Twilight says impassively. "It sounds like something a grumpy pony would say after an exhausting day at work as an excuse to sleep longer. But we're getting a little off-topic here! I seriously need to talk to him!"
"What exactly do you need to talk to him for? ...if you don't mind me asking? I mean, it's okay if you don't want to," Fluttershy timidly says.
"I mean no offense when I say this, Fluttershy," Twilight begins. "Rick is a nice guy when he wants to be, but, sometimes his manners can be," Twilight holds her tongue for a pondering second, "exceptionable, to bluntly put it."
My manners can be exceptionable? I'm not too familiar with the word, but the writer in me has an inkling that it's not complimentary. An even stronger guess by hearing how Twilight spoke the word in a slightly cracked voice.
"N-not that I mean it that way, really!" Twilight quickly adds. "It's just based on your stories about his habits and personality that I'm worried he'll cause a scene or attract too much attention."
Can't blame you there, Einstein.
"I'm sure he wouldn't," Fluttershy reassures. "Sure he can be a bit mischievous here and there, but, I'm one-hundred-percent certain my father will be on his best behavior. Especially on the momentous day of your life."
That's my girl. Always sticking up for her old man.
"Oh, I'm also certain of that, don't get me wrong. But I want to go over a few things with him first before we set out. That being said, would you mind bringing him down here for me, please?" Twilight pleads.
"She doesn't need to."
Twilight and Fluttershy pinpoint their sight at me as I descend the stairs. The two ponies are sitting on the green couch in front of the table. On the table, there's a tea set on a silver platter; one tiny cup full of steaming hot tea sits next to a kettle while the other is magically floating in front of Twilight Sparkle.
"Rick!" Twilight gasps in surprise. She settles the teacup atop the platter. "How long have you-"
"Long enough."
"Even-"
"Even the exceptionable bit," I interrupt again. "I've had my fair share of judgments back on Earth. It's something I've grown accustomed to. There's no need to apologize." The lavender uni- I mean, alicorn's cheeks redden upon the statement. I would engage her a question about what exceptionable means, but, given the circumstances, I put the thought on hold for now.
Eventually, I get to the bottom of the stairs and rest an arm on the newel post.
"So what is it that you want to talk about?" I ask, straight to the point. Twilight lightly shakes away her blush and regains her composure.
"Ah, right! Actually, if it's not too much trouble, do you mind if we-" Twilight pauses to clear her throat "-talk privately?"
It doesn't sound like an ordinary question, but more of a pleading one. It's clear by the imploring expression on Twilight's face. I glance at Fluttershy who nods her head and motions her eyes to the front door in silence.
I direct my sight back to Twilight quizzically. "Uh... sure," I reply.
The alicorn beams a smile. "Excellent!" She chirps. She hops off the couch and ushers me to the front door. Before we continue on, I remind myself of the door's hinges. They were fixed and not broken, oddly enough. While I am puzzled about when this happened, my ponderings are cut off when Twilight pushes me forward with a nudge.
Twilight and I keep walking out until we stop at the bridge, whereas Fluttershy closes the door behind so she doesn't eavesdrop.
I cross my arms and look down at Twilight. "Alright, we're out here. What is it you want to talk with me about?"
She takes her sweet time to gather her thoughts, and I can tell by watching her brush the back of her neck with a foreleg. Her mouth opens for one second but immediately closes after.
She kicks the dirt in another one-minute silence, creating tiny clouds of dust as she does so before she finally speaks up. "Rick..."
"Yes?" I ask.
"There are things I've wanted to ask you for such a long while. But I want to say a few things prior."
"Such as?" I say, standing before the pony, raising a brow.
Twilight doesn't reply but turns away from me momentarily, mumbling things to herself that were inaudible to hear.
Arms still crossed, I observe everything around us until Twilight gets the guts to blurt out what needs to be said. The summer morning sun is out nicely settled above the mountains at the horizon -- hot and humid. The blue majesty that is the sky is completely cloud-barren, as it should be from what Fluttershy had informed me yesterday.
I bring my attention back to Twilight who happens to be facing me again. Her cheeks are flushed in pink, but her demeanor reads that of determination which belies her sheepish gestures.
"Rick," Twilight says, pronouncing my first name confidently. "I want you to know that Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Apple Jack and I have been extremely grateful for what you did for Fluttershy on Earth. It means so much to every one of us to have our friend back. Being coronated a princess wouldn't have been possible without her."
"No sweat," I reply. "Though I don't think I should be given credit. Raising Fluttershy was the most eventful thing I've ever had the pleasure of doing." I try on a wistful smile.
"I'm sure it was. But I do hope you're still not mad at me and Celestia for all the heartbreak."
"I was," I reply, scratching the back of my head. "If you have a kid-"
"Don't have one and never had," Twilight interrupts.
"Then imagine you did. Having raised a single child on your own, taught them everything they needed to know, fed and bathed them with every ounce of love, can you imagine the pain and sorrow a parent would have to endure if their kid had to be taken away?"
"Much as I wanted to hate you and Celestia for taking her away, I couldn't," I continue. "I understood the situation. She had to go home. There's no reason to hold a grudge against you and Celestia for doing what had to be done." I crane my neck to stare up at the clear sky. "You must have been torn from all of it especially since it wasn't your first time, as you mentioned before."
"I know," Twilight confirms sadly, both her pointy ears folding against her head. "Believe me, Rick, when I say that it's never easy doing the right things. Even Celestia had to banish her one and only sister to the moon because she thought it was the only viable option."
I flick my gaze back to Twilight with a nod. "Ah, yes. I remember reading up on that when I came over to your place two weeks ago."
"Anyway, we're deviating the main subject here. I want to go over a few things before we move on to other matters."
"Ask away," I prompt her with a wave of a hand.
"Alright," Twilight nods. "So first things first is your attire. You're not going to go to Canterlot dressed in that, are you?"
I self-inspect myself and see that I am actually clad in my flannel pajamas still.
"I've got a pair of suit and pants in my suitcase. They should do just fine," I say.
"Good!" Twilight chimes. "And make sure you clean up because, no offense, you're giving off a repulsive odor..." Twilight says, holding a hoof over her muzzle for emphasis.
Cocking a brow, I raise an arm and sniff at my armpit. Wowee! With an odor such as this, I might very well be Pepe Le Pew. Hey, it isn't that I'm skipping baths! When one lives inside a cottage filled with filthy wild animals, one wouldn't be able to smell his own damn fart. That's how repugnant it is.
"Yeah... Bathing will be my number one priority after this," I say, grimacing from taking another whiff.
Twilight suppresses a giggle. "Finally, and most importantly, I'd like to ask you if you could-" she then clops her hooves together "-behave yourself?"
"Behave?" I parrot quizzically. "Could you maybe enlighten me on what I should do at Canterlot?"
"Certainly." Twilight nods enthusiastically. "Perhaps what you could do is tell a little about yourself. Like you could say what your hobbies are. For example, my hobbies are reading books. Simple as that."
"Ah, I see. So basically, I explain what I do for a living or what my favorite food is. I could probably talk about my world's music and stuff. Maybe even throw a few jokes here and there."
"Right. But please keep it genteel and mannerly."
"I'm not sure I quite follow."
"Fluttershy told me that you have a "wicked sense of humor". She commented on some of them as... "mean"."
"So what point are you trying to make here?"
"The point I'm trying to make is: can you hold back on saying things that are deemed inappropriate or explicit?"
I stare at her for a blank second before my brain registers the idea. "Oh! Well... I'll use the best of my ability to stop myself from swearing and stuff."
"Perfect!" Twilight cheers with a grin. "Now all there is to do is... well." The lavender alicorn trails off, the pinkness on her cheeks coming back furiously pinker than before. "You see, well, um. The thing is, Rick, I..." She gently bit her lower lip anxiously, brushing her right foreleg with her left.
I peer down at her, confused as to why she's acting unusual so suddenly. "If it has to do with that tour, I-"
Out of nowhere, the alicorn protests, "Oh, no, no! That's not it at all! How can I put this? Rick, did your heart ever want to ask something, but your head is too afraid of what the answer might be?"
"What?" I reply dumbly. "Enough questions, why not you just tell me upfront?"
No verbal reply yet as the blush on her cheeks glow pinker. With a collected sigh, Twilight finally speaks up again.
"I... like you, Rick."
"Is that what you were anxious to say?" I laugh. "I mean, I like you, too."
"No, no-I mean, Rick. It's... It's so embarrassing that I can't really say it out loud."
"Well, what are you trying to say?"
Twilight mumbles something, to which I cannot hear. Her lips are moving, but no words are coming out. I was almost fed up with having to wait, that is until Twilight beckons me to lend her my ear, so I comply. I tilt myself forward and listen as she whispers in my ear. I blink. Twice, actually.
I pull myself away to look down at Twilight. "Err... I'm sorry, Twilight. But could you maybe run that by me again?" I ask, to ensure I haven't misheard. I lean forward and allow her to whisper into my ear again. I then retreat a few steps back as the words sink into my head.
"Y-y-you what?" I stammer, gawking.
The bashful mare fidgets with her hooves sheepishly, staring down at the ground with cheeks flushing like a ripe tomato.
"I said I have a crush on you," Twilight confesses. "I wanted to talk about this for a long time but I didn't have the courage to. Not until now."
Twilight coming out like this definitely has caught me off-guard. I wasn't exactly certain how else I'd react other than be perplexed by this revelation.
"I- I- I-," I stammer again. "I mean, when did this happen? How long have you been keeping this a secret for?"
"About three weeks ago; the first week of the first month since your arrival here in Equestria," Twilight clarifies. She perks her head up, staring at me straight with those violet eyes of hers.
"Okay. But when when and where? Like, what did I do to invoke these feelings?"
"The seventh day, precisely one week, when you came over to borrow a book to read - the one book you returned two days ago. It was your very first visit to my home. There you met Spike, and I'm not quite sure you remember Owlowiscious, but you met him too."
While Twilight is babbling onward, I ponder, 'Oh, Owlowiscious is how it's pronounced. That'll be noted. Wait... It's a he?! Crap, that faults the 'females with eyelashes' hypothesis... But given Twilight's explanation, I still don't know how I made this happen, nor can I recount the moment.'
"Sounds like you got yourself in a bind," my brain says, observingly.
Oh good, you're here! Maybe you can help me with this.
"Now you need my help?" My brain scoffs. "No way. Not after you neglected me."
I need you for real this time. I'm sorry about before. Please, man.
"Well, alright. Only because you said please. So, you want to know, hm? First let me ask you: are you positive that you can't remember anything you have done or said that entailed this?"
"Mmm... Not really."
My brain groans exasperatedly. "Goodness gracious. You can't be this freakin' dense. Fine. I'll help you step by step. You know back when you borrowed a book from her? Did you notice anything slightly different about her appearance? Maybe her tresses?"
Now that you mention it. Yeah, I think I do remember. She had her hair all tied up into a bun, like one of the female secretaries or psychologists I've seen on Earth.
"And?"
I deeply ponder it for a split-second. I suppose I called her cute because of it. Why? What's that got to do with this?
"I now see how you've gotten into this mess. Rick, Twilight is -- how I would state it -- a nerd. She tends to stay indoors most of the day reading books. Have you ever wondered why she doesn't have a, bleh, coltfriend?"
Can't say that I do, I reply innocently.
"She's. A. Nerd. Think, Rick, think. Do you often see nerds in a relationship?"
Not many.
"Precisely. The fact she's a nerd clearly means she doesn't get out much, and that also means she doesn't see boys too often. All her friends are bleedin' mares, for Pete's sake. Do you see any stallions or know ones she knows besides her brother and father?"
No. But I always thought she's a... I hesitate to finish the sentence.
"Of course not! I mean, I don't know that, but neither do you. Yet her signs perfectly state otherwise."
What signs?
"For the love of all that is holy—" my brain grumbles "—you really need to start using me regularly. Here's the list: allowing you to borrow a book for over two weeks. She normally wouldn't let it go for that very long. Offering tea and inviting you inside her home late at night — in a seductive way that you were too clueless to notice, might I firmly add. And she gladly, and enthusiastically, agreed to be your tour guide."
And? I query.
"And the fact that she's been a lonely nerd for who-knows-how-long. Those of her type are probably the desperate kind. Telling a woman such as her 'she's cute' can potentially lead to misunderstandings."
Oh? After some seconds, the gears in my head start to rotate. Oohhhh...
"So you finally got it?"
Yup. So what can I do about it?
"You want me to suggest for you or decide for you?"
Suggest, duh. Do you think I'm going to let you take control?
"Rick, I know this is probably stressful for you, but if you don't know what to do on your own and expect me to solve your problems for you then you can kiss our ass."
Then there's a series of stomps and the slamming of a door.
Fine.
"Um, Rick?" Twilight lightly pokes at my stomach. "You okay?"
I blink out of my stupor. "Wha?"
Twilight looks at me concernedly. "You were sort of standing there like a plain statue. Have you been listening to every word I said?" she asks.
"Oh yes, yes. Most certainly!" I lie, inclining my head to an affirming nod.
"So...? What's your answer?" Twilight asks in an anxious tone. Her eyes are gleaming hopefully with eagerness.
"My a-answer? Well, I-" I freeze in mid-sentence, sweating due to pressure-building nervousness. How am I going to answer when I didn't hear the rest of her dialogue...
The sound of a door creaks open.
"Hey, dumbass, she wants to know if you feel the same away about her," my brain insults before going silent again.
Well, at least my brain is kind enough for that, though the insult was unnecessary. I open my mouth to respond.
"Twilight," I begin with a soft tone, "earlier when you asked that question: 'did your heart ever want to ask something, but your head is too afraid of what the answer might be?'. I have an answer for that."
Twilight slightly stretches her neck out.
"You see... Sometimes it's best not to ask those questions." Twilight's ears slowly droop. Man, I am terrible for doing this. "Sometimes we should cherish what we already have. Like our friendship. That's more than enough, right?"
Utter silence then hangs in the air, except for the chirping of birds in the sky and croaking of frogs in the pond. I tried acting calmly and carefully when I gave my response. Well, I suppose I wasn't as careful as I wanted it to be.
I've never been the romantic type, which is evident based on my reactions and answer.
"So... that day when you said I was-"
"P-please don't take it the wrong way!" I say, raising my hands defensively. "When I said you were cute, I meant it as a compliment. I didn't know you mistook it as me flirting you."
Ah shit. Probably shouldn't have said it that way.
"Then what about that other time when you came over to visit and said you liked hanging out?"
"I did say that. I did. But I meant it that I liked hanging out at your place because of how quiet it was," I explain. "Look, I'm not one that chooses the best words, let alone come up with good excuses. It's just that this is all too sudden. I've only been here for a month. I have plans here and there, and getting into a relationship would be the last thing I'd be concerned about." I kneel and rest a right hand on her left shoulder. We both make direct eye contact. Deep in her eyes, I see that she is hurt - as to be expected. "Even if I have done everything, I just don't know how I would feel dating a pony. Back in my world, that..." I pause, trying to find the appropriate words, "would be tantamount to jail time in a sense. Human prejudice, you could call it. So, I'm sorry to say this, Twilight, but I can't requite your feelings."
Twilight wipes away a bubbly tear that threatens to break out from the corner of her eye.
"I... understand, Rick," Twilight says with a despondent nod as she hangs her head.
I lift my hand off her shoulder and stand back up. I know what I said may have been blunt. Maybe insensitive, even. However, I won't leave it like this. I may be a jerkwad, but I'm not a douchebag like somebody I've known my whole life.
"Fuck you," my brain growls.
"But, things can change," I begin. Twilight then snaps her gaze up to me, newfound hope twinkling in her eye. "If we get to know each other a little better; perhaps if we hang out at some places like that cafe two weeks ago, or read together, or whatever else friends do, I might have second thoughts. I'm still comfortable enough to stay as friends, Twilight. I want you to know that. I'm willing to get to know you better."
My consolation seems to affect Twilight, for she brushes her hair away to reveal a warm smile curling up on her lips.
"I... would like that," Twilight says. "I would like to get to know you better, too, Rick."
I return her warm smile with my own, happy that everything has turned out fine. I drop down to one knee and open my arms. Twilight slowly trots toward me as I wrap my arms around her for a friendly, soft embrace.
I must say, it feels nice to settle things on a positive note rather than an ugly one. By that, I am regarding how I may have given Twilight a glimmering ray of hope to woo me over. I mean, she can try since I did open my big mouth when I added: "anything is possible if you try hard enough". I never intentionally wanted to give her the idea that we're boyfriend and girlfriend, but I never saw the harm in any of that, long as it remains platonic.
And you know how the universe just loves to twist things up a bit. I'm sure after what I had said just earlier, I might have gone up and made the genre a romantic comedy. Well, if I have to tell you all the truth... That's exactly what transpires. Confused? Read on further and you'll see why...
So remember when I had explained to Twilight all those things we'd do together? As in dating? Well, the universe thought it'd be hilarious to throw a proverbial curveball at me. And by that, I mean a musical. I'll recap what happened after Twilight and I talked...
It started off faintly but kept growing, as cheery music started to play. Oh no... As I recalled the research on the show on Wikipedia, there were musicals, or formally known as...
The Magic of Music.
This would be the very first time I get to partake in one, but I dread to sing. Truth be told I'm a terrible singer. There's no point hiding or denying that fact. Last time I tried to sing, I swear if I were in a list of singers with Justin Bieber in it, I'd be below him by a couple of numbers. And the worst part would be is that he's second to last. I know, I know... I'm that awful.
The feeling was swelling in the upper-left part of my chest, pushing its way up to my throat as the background music plays louder and louder.
I don't know how the cartoons do it, but I did my best to look at the audience -- wherever they may be -- and shot them a deadpan stare before my lips began quivering.
'Well... shit.'
Okay. It might've been too short to have called upon a recap. But whatever.
After the uneventful fiasco that is the musical, Twilight and I are casually heading back towards Fluttershy's cottage. I'm the one who is more languid in my steps than Twilight—who is still humming the tune to herself—that I am disgruntled enough to mask my face out of sheer embarrassment from involuntarily contributing my gritty, sandpaper-esque voice to the mare's merry song.
"I cannot believe I was pulled into that..." I grumble indignantly.
Twilight keeps herself at my flank with the same snails-pace, ceasing her humming for the time being. "Aw, come on, Rick! It wasn't all that bad," she assures.
"I told you that I wasn't the singing type more than I would normally care to." I did. Really, I did. It was during the short break in the song. "Thank God it was short," I mutter, "otherwise I would've knocked myself silly until I'd pass out."
We halt inches before Fluttershy's cottage door. "There's no need to be pessimistic about it," Twilight argues. "I thought it was... nice." I couldn't help but notice she has hesitated on that last word.
"Aha! So even you think it's bad!" I exclaim, pointing a finger at her.
"No, I don't!" Twilight protests.
"Oh really?" I quiz with a skeptical tone.
"Yes, really."
"I don't believe that for a second."
"How so?"
"Because when we were somehow from the cottage to Ponyville in a matter of seconds, all the ponies in town had those disgusted looks on their faces every time I sang my verses. I think I even saw one vomiting in a garbage bin. Next thing after the song we're back outside the cottage." A big, shit-eating grin appears on my face. "So, by way of answer, if you thought my singing was more deserving than simply being called 'nice', you would have said so!"
The strange thing about the power of musicals. The first moment you sing, the background would fade into blackness only to be short-lived by a new scenery and the jolting sound of trumpets, chimes and whatever else they throw at you.
"That still doesn't answer the question," Twilight says.
"My voice. Is. Terrible! Come on, I can see it written all over your face that you were lying about it being nice earlier."
"Rick," Twilight begins sternly with narrowed brows, "you shouldn't need to worry how bad your voice sounds. When it comes from the heart, terrible or not, it's still considered beautiful," she finished that sentence with the tap of her hoof on her chest. "I, for one, thought you were spectacular."
I give a little snort in disbelief. "Well, the other ponies didn't seem to think so," I say with a wry smirk.
"Who cares if anypony else finds it awful," Twilight argues. "Take Sweetie Belle for example; last time Fluttershy told me she sang... Well, let's just say the way she explained it, it was overtly loud and rambunctious. Not everypony is perfect at singing, and no matter how bad it sounds, as long as one pony likes it, it's good enough for them." I notice the tone in her voice as she stressed that last sentence.
"Fine, but it still doesn't change the fact that everypo- everyone," damn pony culture slang! "heard it," I huff quietly.
Twilight's ears pricked up. "What?" She asks.
"Oh, nothing..." I reply quickly. "But I really have to ask, Twilight."
She looks up at me, raising a brow. "Hm?"
I place both hands on my hip. "Back when we had our, uh, tete-a-tete, surely calling you pretty alone couldn't have been the reason you liked me, right?"
There's a brief, thoughtful pause. "Well," Twilight lightly blushes, "I always did think you were... I don't know... Handsome," she admits bashfully. "But there's more to it than just your looks. Like yesterday when I had cast a half-finished spell that Starswirl the Bearded created and turned everything upside down, you went out of your way and disregarded any concern for your own safety from the dangerous weather to look for me. As Fluttershy's closest friends, you prioritize our well being just as much as her's. That there is one of the reasons I like you, Rick."
"Oh come on now, you're making me blush," I say, scratching the back of my head sheepishly. "Only some of those things you said are partially true."
Twilight gives me a friendly nudge to my right thigh. "Don't sell yourself short, Rick. I mean it when I say it."
With that out of the way, Twilight's horn begins to glow with her signature rose-pink hue. The door is promptly opened but left ajar by her magic. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but, do you care if I can see how you change clothes? It would be good for research purposes," the purple mare asks with a small, sheepish smile as she clops her hooves together.
My eyes widen incredulously. "Why in Sam's Hell would you want to do that?!"
"For educational purposes," Twilight answers in passing.
I tilt my head. "Really, just... Really? 'Educational purposes...'" I say, my voice dripping sarcasm with an eyebrow raised.
Twilight's cheeks are burning red as a bead of sweat forms on the far right side of her forehead. "Educational and... to... sate..." she trails off for a brief second, "Uhm, curiosity?" Her wings suddenly sprout forth, stiff as wood, and her whole face is tinted in a much deeper red and her eyes moving in her head to see what involuntarily happened, much to my bemusement.
Oh oh oh, I remember this! This was back when I found myself researching pegasi on the internet. It's not like I was forced to, mind you. I had to for the sake of raising Fluttershy when it came to teaching her how to fly. I digress. If I know this, wings of a pegasus flare whenever they're excited because that excitement stimulates the blood into the wings and therefore they become erect like Twilight is doing now. Wait a second... If I haven't known any better, I'd say that's rather equivalent to...
Oh dear...
My face also turns beet red at the realization. Did it just get hotter all of a sudden? It's probably the blazing sun getting to me, that or the pajamas. Maybe both. "Oh. Well. Um," I stammer uneasily. "I- I don't know."
Twilight steps forward more, using her hoof to stroke my leg. "Just relax, Rick. I mean, there's no reason to be nervous. Especially around your new marefriend," she says with her best bedroom eyes. I really, really should have seen this coming when I added in that bit of dialogue.
Thanks a lot, universe!
I take a long, deep and calm breath. "I'm not exactly nervous. It's just..." I fidget trying to find the right word. "I would find it uncomfortable having someone watch me getting dressed. I would much prefer it if you wait downstairs for me."
Twilight gives a stiff, understanding, but at the same time disappointed, nod, the blush receding from her cheeks. I could still see a faint shade of red though. "Alright," she complies as she flicks her tail on the back of my leg salaciously. "But you can always watch me anytime," she adds with a flirtatious wink over her shoulder, then resumes trotting into the cottage.
Ponies don't even have clothes, so what in the hay did she mean by that!?
I follow in after and make my way upstairs into Fluttershy's room to access my suitcase that's underneath her bed. I slide it out from underneath and flip up the locks to unlock it, and proceed to pull out my suit and pants. Twilight's words earlier come back to haunt me and at that moment I stand in the room momentarily - shoulders slumped, expression blank and eyes blinking owlishly. If I had all knowledge of the universe, through some erroneous reason, there would only be one word in the entirety of the English vocabulary that would best fit with my current expression as the innuendo dawns on me.
"...What?"
I shake my head to rid of the thoughts and when I amble my way back downstairs with the suit and pants in arms, Twilight is sitting on the couch.
With her wings still flared.
"Uhm, Twilight?"
"Yes?"
I lean down to whisper softly in her ear. "Your wings." I stand back up, and the blush Twilight made minutes ago returns with a vengeance, and she just sits there looking totally embarrassed—much to my amusement. I couldn't help but grin.
Hearing this, Twilight peers over her shoulder to discover that her wings are indeed still sticking out. With a frightened gasp, she says, "Well don't just stand there like an impish foal! Help me with these things before Fluttershy comes back from the backyard!"
"W-why do I have to?!" I protest. "Can't you will them down with your magic or something? You're a bloody alicorn, for Pete's sake!"
"It's not that simple! I mean I could, but it takes some time! You can do it simple enough; just massage the specific joints where the muscles are and they'll relax them, please!" Twilight pleads.
I rest the suit and pants on the couch's armrest to hold my hands up, waving them in protest. "No freakin' way! If I did that to them it'd almost be like I'm giving you a handjob!"
She turns to look back up at me inquisitively. "What's a handjob?"
"Twilight, there aren't enough nopes in the world. I'm not going to explain that to you, no way!"
"All I'm asking is for you is to massage and relax my wings so I can fold them! What's so bad about that?"
"I... Uh, I..." I try to argue.
She does have a point though - that's all she's asking me to do. Yet the way she's asking me to do it is loaded with innuendo.
I sigh in defeat and quickly take a spot on the couch, as Twilight turns her back to me. With reluctance and self-deprecation, I raise my hands and start running them along with the tips of her wings, causing Twilight to whicker as I do so.
I lightly press on them and this further elicits a soft moan. Sweet Jesus this is beyond wrong on so many levels.
"Remember the joints, too," Twilight reminds.
Without a reply, I skate my fingertips along with the wings until I find a joint in them and firmly press my thumbs into it to help relax the muscles in the area. She doesn't seem to do anything in response besides those whickers and moans. If only you all can see the expression I'm making right now...
"How's that?" I ask.
She turns to me with a blush on her face. "Better. Thank you."
I shake my head at the sight of the blush and move onto the next wing, relaxing the joints in that one too. Not too long, after massaging them, she ruffles the wings and folds them back to her sides.
"That's much better, but if you don't mind, could you just give them a once over?"
I stare at her questionably. "...Why?"
"I can move them, but it's just to get out any remaining stiffness."
I groan inwardly and use one hand on each wing this time. I rub my fingers and thumbs down the wings, getting closer and closer to the joints on her back. When I got there, I put my thumbs on the base of each joint and wrap my hand around each wing, using my thumbs as a pivot when I pull the wings back towards me. Is this what you want, the universe? You sick fuck?
However... the inevitable has happened...
"Oh, goodness! I've forgotten the pellets!" Fluttershy gasps as she hastily trots back in from the back door, her eyes focus on the storage closet. Out of the corner of her eye, she straightaway notices our presence on the sofa... Fluttershy skids to an immediate halt, both hooves covering her mouth as her pupils shrink to the size of pins.
Dreadful silence takes over. Twilight and I remain remotely frozen in place, exchanging petrified looks.
I turn to my daughter and speak as casually as I could muster, "My dear Shy, please don't freak out, but this is totally what it looks like."
"Fluttershy? You all right?" I ask my daughter—who is lying unconscious on the floor—worriedly. No response. But there's nothing to worry about! She's breathing normally, her pulse is fine and she's as healthy as, well, a horse.
Her reaction to 'me massaging her best and closest friend's wings' wasn't what either I or Twilight quite expected. Well, Twilight may have. God knows I least expected it. When Fluttershy had caught us in the middle of the scene, she just... fell flat on the ground like a felled tree. It came to my astute attention that pegasi wings are profoundly... sensitive and must, therefore, be treated with utmost and proper care, which is why it is the fundamental reason they typically preen it by themselves only. Their beau and close relatives are the exceptions, of course. This might also apply to unicorns and their horn, but I don't know about the sensitivity of horns nor should I ever find out.
Though at the same time they gain, dare I tentatively say, pleasure when either their wings or horn are handled professionally. N-not to say I am professional in that regard... Let's just cross this out and pretend I didn't scribble this bit of detail.
So I guess the message was too much for my dear Shy to absorb that all she could do was faint.
Twilight, on her haunches, is next to me looking down at her pegasus friend with a frown. "You sure she's okay?" Twilight queries, concernedly. "That fall really sounded like it hurt..."
"I've checked; no bumps, bruises, scrapes or any sort. Though I knew something like this was going to happen eventually. But I never wanted her to catch us doing that." I sighed. "Let's be grateful she didn't catch us doing something else that could have been worse." And there I mentally facepalm for giving Twilight ideas.
"Like if she would ever catch us-"
I instantly plant an index finger on her lips, expectant what she's going to say. "Whoa there, Timmy Turner! Now's not the appropriate time to be thinking about that! Besides, I think we're a long, long way away from anything like that. I mean, it's just too sudden to be discussing those types of... things. Especially on the first day of our relationship."
I've known for some time that Twilight's voice was scarily familiar to that of Timmy Turner from The Fairly Oddparents. There was a certain pitch to it which made me make the connection. Jeez, it's sure been an awful long time since the last I've seen it. I really missed watching Cosmo. That trouble-making half-a-meatball was definitely my favorite alongside Ed and Billy. I don't know if it's only me, but, I seem to be fond of the dumb more entertaining cartoon characters. I swear, that fairy's slower than a playground full of retarded kids. No offense intended.
"I know," Twilight says with a squeaky smile under my finger. She then arches a quizzed brow. "Wait. Timmy Turner? Who's-"
Twilight is interrupted again by a weak groan from Fluttershy. I hastily retract my finger from the purple mare's lips and glance down at my daughter.
"I think she's coming to!" I softly holler, relieved she is all right. I slide a gentle hand to the back of her head and lift it up.
Twilight is pretty relieved as well. "Thank goodness," she whistles.
Fluttershy twitches each of her limbs, her face scrunching just a little. She wrinkles her muzzle, followed by another tiny groan and a double flick of her pointy ears. I carefully brush away the silky strands of her pink hair that were obstructing her eyes as they are slowly opening. About halfway lidded, they then spontaneously flit open.
"Dad?! Twilight?!" Fluttershy exclaims perplexedly. Twilight and I back away to allow her space as she instantly hops up on her fours. She points at the purple mare, gawking, "Twilight, you were..." She then points at me. "And Dad, you were..."
Swiveling her sight back and forth, Twilight and I wordlessly nod in unison. "Quite a shocker, huh?" I say wryly. Twilight and I then look at each other before staring down, our cheeks partially flushing hot pink.
Fluttershy continues to juggle her vision between us until she fits the cerebral pieces together. "So moments ago when I saw you two, does that mean you and her are..?" She purposely trails her words off for me to finish. Okay, much as it is to my dismay, I have to go along with it. I'm going to have to talk with her later about what the actual status is between Twilight and me.
"Indeed so," I answer.
"W-when? Where? For how long?" Fluttershy blurts the questions rapidly.
"Easy there. You'll pass out again if you keep that up," I say jokingly. "Our relationship started outside when Twilight wanted to speak to me privately. We discussed what to do at the coronation party. Twilight confessed that she had a crush on me, and there was some talk here and there. Then we came back in and, well, that's when you stumbled upon our... awkward situation. That's the gist of it, really."
Fluttershy silently fixes me a confused stare, that is until she taps her chin thoughtfully. I can tell that she must be replaying the scenario in her head as a small blush appears on her face. She looks to Twilight inquisitively. "So that really means you two are..?"
Twilight rest a hoof on my shoulder. "It does, Fluttershy. We're coltfriend and marefriend!" Twilight chirps happily.
Fluttershy then turns to me with the same inquisitive look. "And Dad?"
I bring a hand to Twilight's hoof, rubbing it affectionately. "Yes, my dear Shy," I confirm. "You could say that The Fates have brought us together."
For the record, The Fates are a bunch of bitches. And the universe is too.
Fluttershy doesn't respond right away. Her brows are narrow, eyes darting to and fro at the floor, she lowers her jaw but snaps it back shut to dwell further in her thoughts.
Feeling Twilight's hoof tensing, I stroke it to soothe her anxiety. "Don't worry. It's Fluttershy we're talking here. You're each other's best friends, I'm sure she won't disapprove," I whisper calmly.
Twilight smiles. "That's the other thing I like about you - you tend to act so placid under certain stressful conditions," she whispers back.
"Let's just say that I had a lot of "snacks" before bed."
"Oh?" Twilight nudges closer with a pique of interest. "Mind if you give me a snack later?"
"I think I can sneak some over to your place," I say, playing a composed smile. Just keep it together, Rick. Surely she really meant an actual snack and not some innuen- Oh lord that's exactly what she really meant, wasn't it?
"And perhaps some Honey Dew wine to go with it," Twilight purrs provocatively, her warm breath caressing the edges of my left ear.
I swear I'm not making this up. Maybe relationships in Equestria are slightly different than Earth's? Please prove to me if I'm wrong here.
A loud cough from Fluttershy breaks our hushed conversation and snags our undivided attention. We fix our gaze to Fluttershy's, who has a seemingly disapproving frown. "That's..." she ominously begins, her expression distinguishable as a rock - both dull and impossible to read.
Twilight leans in, her anxiety evergrowing, as I could determine by her trembling hoof still resting on my shoulder. However, seconds later, Fluttershy's frown slowly lights up to a soft smile. I couldn't help taking note that the frown was meant to playfully mislead us. Touche, daughter. Touche.
"That's wonderful!" Fluttershy outbursts with a cheer, her face brightened like the sun rising. I urge a smile while watching Twilight's own smile stretching from ear to ear. "This is absolutely wonderful! I mean, you and Twilight?" Fluttershy flutters in for a celebratory hug, wrapping us around with not just her hooves but her large wings as well. "I'm so, so happy for the two of you!"
"I'm glad you think so!" Twilight comments cheerily.
"And here you almost had us going there for a second, my dear Shy. I would give you applause, but I think a hug works just as fine," I quip.
Fluttershy giggles to that. "Aren't I a stinker, Father?"
Ah, one of the famous quotes from the illustrious Bugs Bunny. Brings back childhood memories. I grin and tighten my hug. "Heh, you sure are, sweetie. You sure are."
Somewhere in the depths of my consciousness, I can hear someone sipping their drink loudly in a smug kind of way from what I can imagine.
You know, it'd be times like this I'd reflect on me establishing a certain form of closeness with a pony. A lavender cartoon pony with pegasus wings, a unicorn horn, and having the gift to speak fluid English. Well, technically they speak Equestrian, as I've been oh so humbly reminded from time and time again. Whatever.
I do find it queer that their language is scarily parallel to mine, and much as I'd want to know how or why I think it'll only make my brain numb. Furthermore, upon my observational visits around Ponyville from how long I've lived here, I've ascertained that several ponies here do possess architectures that starkly resemble our human handiwork...
Getting back on topic—before I almost railed off from the main subject there—it's times like this I'd be pensive about establishing a romantic bond with Twilight. Sure, I might again sound bigoted by noting such discriminatory thoughts but no matter what there is always going to be that boundary in how a person was born and raised to believe. Maybe if I was raised in Equestria, I'd probably have a more lenient perspective dating ponies.
Despite my hysterics, I assured myself that I'm willing to go along with it, even if it completely goes against the morals I've abided for years, and there's one of the things about me everyone should know is that I never go back on my word. I at least have to make a chivalrous example of my gender, right?
Nevertheless, I will make it a priority today to discuss things over with Twilight about keeping the illicit romance on a lower level, and possibly a lecture on dating. Perhaps I'll have that opportunity when we get to Canterlot.
"I'm just so happy for you two!" Fluttershy cheers for the second time, her hug tightening, turning vice-like, that it's draining the air in both mine and Twilight's lungs until our faces turn dark blue like blueberries. Who'd've thought that she has the bone-crushing strength of a python!
With little air I have to spare, I wheeze. "Ha... Yes- yes. I understand you're extremely happy for the both of us, but perhaps you could, ha, loosen up the hug a bit! I feel like my insides are gonna pop out of one of two exits."
Fluttershy releases her powerful grip, allowing us the opportune freedom to gasp for precious oxygen. "Oh, I'm sorry, Father. I guess I got carried away." Fluttershy blushes as she squees. "I mean, it's so marvelous that you've found a special somepony! And that special somepony is one of my best friends in the whole world!" She softly squeals in utter joy. Only my daughter could pull off something that graceful.
"I know!" Twilight exclaims happily. "I'm so glad you're not angry about all this."
Fluttershy leans in for another hug. "Why would I be? I have one of my best friends in the whole world dating the best dad in the whole world!" Aww shucks, Fluttershy. I don't think I rightfully deserve that title, but it's heartwarming to know that she thought it to be true. Letting go, she quickly skips over and gives me another short hug. "This is so exciting that I could scream out to the entire town! Oh um... Not really, but... You get the point."
I stand back up to my full height, nodding.
"Alright, well I'm going to go get my suit and pants and head upstairs to get cleaned up," I say as I grab the aforementioned clothes from the couch's armrest and sling them over my shoulder.
"In that case, I need to get the pellets to feed my fluffy bunnies. The poor little things must be starving from waiting this long," Fluttershy says worriedly.
"And I should go with Rick and make sure he doesn't, uh, fall or anything," Twilight adds, following me in pursuit.
I begin to escalate the stairs, rolling my eyes. Yeah... in case I'd fall...
I mistake the timing of my feet, and instead of putting my whole foot on the topmost stair, only my toes catch the lip of it, causing me to teeter. I flail both arms in a vain effort to recover my balance but with Twilight right behind me, she catches my fall with the blanket of her magic and pushes me forward as I regain my footing.
Whew, I mouth. I look over my shoulder and give her a thankful look. "Heh... Uh, thanks, Twilight. Guess I should be more careful."
"No problem!" Twilight beams.
I take a moment to catch my breath, while Twilight goes ahead of me, swishing her tail from side to side. That's given me more of a view than I wanted, or needed for that matter.
Honestly, some things are better left to the imagination. I'm not exactly sure how to feel about that, though.
I shake my head and continue up the stairs as Twilight enters the bathroom first, much to my relief, except now I have to wait, which thank my stars it hasn't taken her long. She exits the bathroom minutes after with that saucy look on her visage as she passes me by.
I do get it that I maybe am her first boyfriend, but all this flirtation and seduction nonsense does not tickle my fancy nor is it helping with my prejudices. I have a sneaking suspicion that she could have been given some tips by certain ponies, which I automatically presume Rarity amongst them.
Why have I presumed it to be Rarity? My daughter had imparted to me that Rarity is kind of known to be a minx. Well, that is plausible, what with the accent the unicorn has and how overtly flirtatious she is at times, especially with calling almost everyone "Darling". She even has an obsessive history with romance.
Fluttershy knows too well of this since about several months ago, she told me that Rarity would persistently goad her to flirt with a dude named Big Macintosh, or some other guy named Doctor Whooves. I don't know why, but the latter's name seems dimly familiar...
With all that thoughtfully said, I will need to talk with Twilight how I feel about the flirting and questionable gestures.
I march straight into the bathroom and take a nice, clean and warm shower. I make an extra effort scrubbing my armpits to rid all of the odor. After rinsing and drying off, I wrap a towel around my waist and stand in front of the mirror cabinet. I run a hand down the side of my cheeks to my chin, feeling my rigid sideburns.
Boy, I sure let myself go, I say in thought.
Opening the cabinet that is full of various toiletries, which includes a pit stick and cologne I've brought from Earth, I grab a buzzer on the shelf and gently close it. Why Fluttershy has a buzzer remains a mystery to me, but I'm not going to question it now as it is about to prove its usefulness. As I shave away, I could feel the coolness touching my skin. It feels therapeutic. I then put away the buzzer back into the cabinet and snatch the cologne. I spray the fragrance from head to toe profusely. I store away the cologne and next rub my pits with the deodorant.
Setting the deodorant down beside the cologne, I grab a toothbrush and toothpaste in each hand. With my left hand I squeeze the tube as a string of the stuff comes out like play dough onto the bristles, and with my right hand holding the dental instrument I begin brushing away. Once finished, I sip the tap water, gurgle, and spit into the sink's drain. Using my forearm to wipe my mouth off, I notice an oddity in the mirror...
Part of me is wondering if I'm dreaming or if someone had spiked the water supply with some kind of hallucinogenic drug since my reflection is holding up its right arm while I'm holding up my right arm. That's... not right. If I'm raising my right hand, the reflection should be raising its left hand.
I just stand here, holding the toothbrush absentmindedly while trying to figure out what the hell is going on. I move my hand, the reflection's hand goes in the complete opposite direction. I blink my right eye, the reflection blinks its right eye, too. Calmly I lay the toothbrush down on the sink, rubbing my eyes with the ball of my palms. I then eye the mirror scrutinizingly.
I blink my left eye, the reflection blinks the appropriate eye.
Good, everything is back to normal.
As I put on the suit and pants and about to depart, once again I notice my reflection is going in the opposite direction where I'm originally going. I backpedal back to the mirror just as my mirrored counterpart does.
Okay, I think I might be hallucinating now.
I blink several more times, as my reflection does also. However, after the fourth time I blinked, my reflection's eyes change color. The sclera stays white, but the irises are a jaundiced yellow with red pinpricks.
Oh, now I'm understanding what's going on...
I glare at the mirror with a scowling frown. "Cut it out, Discord."
My reflection gains a mind of its own and starts floating around within the frame of the mirror.
"Awww, you're no fun, Ricky-boy."
"Far as our friendship goes, you will address me regularly as Rick," I scowl. "What exactly are you doing here, anyway?" I ask, cocking a brow.
"Well," the other me begins in Discord's voice. He materializes a comfy-looking red recliner with one snap and sits on it. "I thought I'd drop by to see how you are doing."
I stare at him oddly. "Good, I guess?" I am not privy to what the actual occasion Discord is here for. The timing is a bit coincidental... I shoot him a stink eye. "Seriously, what are you doing here? I don't think you'd pop here out of no reason."
Discord taps his chin thoughtfully. "I suppose I am here for something," he vaguely says.
"Okay? Go on?" I goad with a roll of my wrist.
"I happen to have noticed that you've gotten yourself a marefriend," Discord states with an impish smirk.
"You have a tendency brown-nosing in people's business," I remark.
"Then what friend would I be if I couldn't stay in touch with everything you do?" Discord gives his defensive reason. "Is that so wrong, Rick?"
"In some way, yes," I say flatly. "Look, I don't have the time to chit-chat, Discord. You see-"
"Yes, yes. I know," Discord interrupts, nodding knowingly. "Foregathering at Celestia's castle in Canterlot, am I right?"
I glare. "Just how long have you been eavesdropping?"
Discord poofs up a wine glass and a carton of chocolate milk. He holds the wine glass upside down above the carton as the contents from the carton float up into the glass like a reversal pour. With another snap, the carton puffs up in smoke as he swirls the milk in his glass.
"Long enough to know about your disdain for musicals, my compadre," he says in a way that's like a cat that got the cream, before taking a light sip of his drink.
Great... he now has an ace in his arsenal...
The anger that was building up within flips to that of instant anxiety. I look to him imploringly.
"Discord, buddy," I say, "surely you wouldn't be that cruel enough to consider torturing me with musicals, would you?"
He looks at me with that same smug. "The thought never occurred to me," he admits. "But I will make note of it. Sometimes I wonder if you ever think ahead before acting out."
I gulp. "Yes, that tends to be a foible of mine," I admit, ashamed. "What exactly would I have to do to persuade you not to use that prank?"
"How can a human such as you offer anything to a spirit of chaos?" Discord asks wryly. "I can conjure anything on a whim."
"Uhh..." I begin dumbly. I then shrug. "I'll be honest that I've got nothing."
"I figured as such," Discord says with a sly grin. "But there may be someway you can convince me never to use it."
"And what would that be?"
Discord sips the remainder of his drink and flicks it away. "Hmm..." he hums thoughtfully. His expression brightens as a light bulb appears above his head. "Your suit and pants, Rick."
"Yeah? What about them?" I say, wringing my hands.
Discord's devious smile stretches further, making me feel more uneasy. "What about them is they're too bland. Black is such a depressing color and in no way a suitable choice on such a wonderful day. If you're going to be somewhere and aim to impress the populace, I'd say you need a touch of color here and there."
I really don't like where this is going...
I frown. "Oh, you're so not going to do anything to them. I paid good money for these!" I protest.
Discord crosses his arms and shakes his head in a deprecating way. "That is a shame. I suppose I'll mosey along, then." Discord, still assumed as I, stands up from the recliner and begins to slowly walk away.
"WAIT!" I holler softly.
"Yeeesss?" Discord says, his neck stretching to an absurd length.
I huff out a defeated sigh and look away, grumbling. "I'll do it..."
"You'll what?" he asks, with an ear growing twice its normal size.
I speak up louder with clenched teeth. "I said I'll do it..." I snarl acidly.
Discord clicks his tongue.
"Come on, Rick. Try to say it in a more lively tone."
Some day Discord, I'll get you back for this.
I make the poor attempt to smile despite how boiled I am and speak politely. "I'll do it, Discord. Please... give my suit and pants more of an animated color..."
There goes my dignity and pride.
Discord claps his hands and rubs them together gleefully. "As you wish, Ricky-boy!"
I lightly stomp down the stairs in my new suit and pants, murmuring minced curses. I see Twilight sitting on the couch with Fluttershy as they snap their attention to me as soon as I enter their peripheral vision. Both of them give me a once-over and I can see that Fluttershy has a perplexed look on her face while Twilight has a doting one.
"Aww," Twilight says, "magenta with yellow polka-dot smiley faces? How-" I then hold up a hand.
The time for the coronation draws nearer. About an hour and a half, to be exact. When Twilight had noticed how much time had passed, she became a tad panicked. And that's putting it mildly. It was at that moment she left right away but not before giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. Let me recall how it went down.
It was right after I had descended the stairs, chagrined from what transpired in the bathroom. While my daughter found my suit bizarre, as she knew well enough that I favor the colors black and gray, Twilight found it rather adorable. I swore to myself that Discord would get his just desserts.
It was some minutes later that I suddenly remembered about the coronation. "Anyway, as it just occurred to me, how many hours are left until the coronation?" I asked. "I kind of lost the track of time."
Twilight's serene smile vanished in an instant; her ears fell behind her head, eyes broadly widened, pupils shrunk to the size of pinpricks, the corners of her mouth sagged in horror, Twilight squished her cheeks with the flat of her hooves and gasped. "OH MY GOSH! I completely forgot all about the coronation!" The alicorn mare ran up to me and pushed herself onto her hind legs, putting her forehooves on my chest. She shook me wildly until my eyes were spinning dizzily. "Why didn't you remind me!?" she shouted.
"I-"
Twilight landed back down on her fours and bolted to the nearest window she could find, observing the sun's position in the clear sky with scrutiny. "It must have been nearly two hours, or an hour and a half at the very least!" she cried. "How could I have been so absentminded?!'
I raised a finger, mouth still agape. "Well, I-"
I got cut off once more. "And I've yet prepared!" Twilight cried as she immediately bolted out the cottage's front door before I had the chance to say anything else. She quickly flew back in and was fluttering right in front of my face a millisecond later. "Sorry, I almost forgot!" She lightly pecked me on the cheek. "Alrightgottagoseeya!" With that, she zoomed out of the house in a purple blur.
I idly stood by and watched her figure sink into the horizon, blinking multiple times. I shook out of my stupor as I rubbed my cheek where Twilight pecked on, muttering to no one in particular. "Well then..."
There you have it.
My daughter has a similar reaction to Twilight's since she wasn't fully prepared as well, so she rushes into the bathroom upstairs to do her touch-up while I lounge on the sofa. It might have taken roughly around thirty minutes by the time she has finished as she flies down the stairs.
"I'm sorry, Father!" she shouts. It isn't much of a shout. It's more along the line of talking loud in a graceful kind of way.
"Don't worry about it," I pardon, slowly walking outside with a hand gripping the door's handle at the ready. "If we hurry a little, I'm sure we can make up the time."
Fluttershy slows once she passes the threshold. She signals me with a quick nod. I nod at her back and close the door. We finally begin walking down our path to Ponyville.
Oh, right: I remember the part in Twilight's plans that we are to rendezvous at the Golden Oaks Library where a carriage would be waiting to take us to Canterlot. It hasn't crossed my mind until this recently.
We have almost arrived at our destination, although we had to quicken our pace from time to time. I'm sweating profusely, and the answer is simple: the unadulterated heat of the summer sun plus the trip walking to Ponyville.
'My God, I'm gonna have two fried nuggets in my pants by the end of the day.'
I'm practically panting with a tongue lolling out of my mouth. I swear I can feel a stream of sweat running down the back of my left leg. My pits are in no better condition, either. I have to find some sort of shade otherwise my suit is going to be ruined.
Fluttershy merrily trots along beside me, somehow unaffected by this god-forsaken heat. I highly reckon the ponies here are used to these intense temperatures. I guess my body has yet to be adjusted enough, despite a month's worth of walking from the cottage to the lake and back. Then again, I haven't eaten anything since last night and earlier today.
Fluttershy is evidently moving ahead of me while I'm losing stamina at a dangerous rate. My feet feel like lead as if I'm wearing iron boots given I've been trudging rather than walking. My whole figure slumped, both shoulders sagging and arms hanging limply near to the ground, I pant heavily as I try my best to keep up.
But I end up falling forward as my chin hits the ground first. I speak in a dry, hoarse voice. "I don't think I can make it, my dear Shy..."
My daughter stops for a moment and turns halfway, looking down at me, perplexed. "But, Dad-"
"The heat! It's unbearable!" I croak. "Go, my dear Shy! Go on without me!"
"But, Dad," Fluttershy repeats, "we're here..." She slowly lifts a pointing hoof at the Golden Oaks Library several feet ahead, and there outside in front of the treehouse with confused stares are Twilight Sparkle and a duo of well-attired stallions, all standing beside an ornate white carriage and wooden wheels trimmed with gold paint.
One of the stallions has a dullish-grey coat. He also has a black mane and tail and has yellow eyes. The second stallion has the same mane as the former, but his coat being chocolate-brown and has cobalt-colored eyes instead.
Each of them, save Fluttershy, look at me bemusedly. Red my face is, by the account of the scorching heat and overwhelming shame, my cheeks flush in an even darker red as I fumble getting back up.
I brush the dusty dirt off of me and stand upright with one arm behind my back and speak articulately as I could with a bow. "Evening, Twilight. Evening, gentlecolts." I fake a lavish smile, but the two stallions still have their brows aloft in bewilderment.
There is an awkward silence between the three of us, that is until Twilight clears her throat to prevent any more awkwardness than there could've been.
"So glad you two could make it," Twilight says cheerfully. "And only one minute, point twenty-three seconds late."
And the stallions are still staring...
"I'm terribly sorry," Fluttershy says guiltily. "I was in the bathroom getting ready and I wasn't aware how long I was in there. My Father and I hurried here as quickly as possible."
And they're still staring... Starting to get old and aggravating.
Twilight chuckles with a dismissive wave of her hoof, smiling brightly. "No trouble at all!" she says. "We can compensate by taking the carriage right away."
I break from my staring contest with the stallions and look at Twilight. "Great!" I say, enthusiastically. The faster we get these punks out of my face, the better. "Let's get this thing rolling."
The two speechless stallions continue fixing me with those dumb stares of theirs, and it's gotten to a point that I have developed an eye twitch.
"Um..." Fluttershy coughs nervously at my twitch, "yes, let's get to it." Fluttershy pokes me on my thigh. "Father?"
I glance down at my daughter, shaking off my aggravation. "Right, right. Sorry."
With that said, Twilight and Fluttershy are the first to hop inside the carriage, I being the last, but not before I give the two stallions another daggering glare.
They nervously gulp, sweating bullets as they dutifully gear up in their harnesses in a matter of seconds.
Got to say, this vehicle is mainly designed for ponies as getting in required me to bend down almost halfway. I've taken up one whole side of the carriage while Twilight and Fluttershy sit on the other side comfortably fine together.
The entire carriage lurches forward once the stallions begin their pulling. I barely hear them mumbling something offensive that I wouldn't like to repeat, knowing it involves me. I shrug... for now, anyway.
I have a leg folded over my thigh, as it is slightly cramped inside the carriage. I'm relieved all I have to do is keep my head down with my chin on my chest. Well, relieved as I didn't have to stay bent during the whole ride. My neck's already aching the first minute of our road trip.
"Oh, this is so exhilarating," Fluttershy says conversationally. "My best friend is going to be crowned as an official princess."
"Mhmm," Twilight genially hums at my daughter's comment. Twilight looks to me. "What do you think, Rick?"
I make a short grunt before replying. "I think it's, hng, great."
Trust me, the discomfort is only the least of my worries. My major concern is what I will be going to do at the buffet. I know Twilight and I have already compromised what I was going to do, but what am I to do when I run out of nice things to talk about?
We run across a small bump, which causes me to knock my head on the top of the carriage. I wince with a hiss, rubbing the new sore spot. Both Fluttershy and Twilight notice this.
"You okay, Father?" Fluttershy asks.
"It's fine, my dear Shy. Just a tiny bonk on the head. No big deal," I insist. I shift a bit to get rid of the numbness in my ass. "It's just sitting like this isn't... comfortable."
"I do apologize, Rick," Twilight says, "this was the only biggest one they have."
"As I said, it's no big deal," I lie. I don't want Twilight or my daughter to worry over something trivial. Reassured, the mares resume their pithy conversation, though I can hear the two stallions indistinctive sniggering outside. I growl inwardly, suspicious that the bump was nothing but intentional.
During the ride, and a bump or two that followed after that first one, I ask of Twilight why she couldn't have just zapped us to Canterlot from Ponyville with a whip of her teleportation magic. That would have saved a lot of time! Frankly, she could have, but it involves the measurement of yards, coordinations of the location and yadda yadda yadda.
Not trying to be rude, although I inadvertently would by replying "Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh" and nod every so often because I couldn't understand a single thing she has said.
I think Twilight knew I've lost interest in the middle of her rambling but she kept at it anyway. I wasn't really trying to be rude. It's just that I lost her the minute she'd go in technobabble of numbers and whatnot.
Mathematics is not my cup of tea. Especially the advanced mathematics.
In conclusion, my version of her elaboration is: "It's really, really far away and it'd be all but impossible to transfer more than two people across that distance with the magic I have."
Anyway, our trip to Canterlot has taken around thirty minutes, leaving us a whopping remainder of thirty-three minutes before the coronation would start just as Twilight estimated. Before our arrival, Twilight explained that we'd rendezvous with Rarity and Spike inside Celestia's castle since they have the gowns prepared for the coronation. As it turns out, Twilight was informed by the two stallions (who were Rarity's acquaintances, go figure) that her other friends have been idling at Canterlot for some time, so it's no doubt that we're the company they're waiting on.
I'm also somewhat surprised that Twilight isn't tense or anxious when she's going to have to recite a speech in front of the entire city's populace. On the contrary, she is rather eager for it.
The carriage immediately comes to a rough halt.
I'm the first to quickly exit the vehicle, stretching my arms and legs to purge the cramp out of them. After stretching, I glimpsed at the scene laid before me...
The thick walls ahead are white, standing exceptionally tall like a human giant. Guards, clad in shiny gold armor, patrol the top of the castle's walls, marching to and fro, their stern gaze never wavering. Long, finely tapered horns protrude from their heads, and they look almost as sharp as spear tips. Pegasus guards are flying in tight formations overhead, but the ambiance is one of happiness and joy among the capital's citizens. As it typically should be in a magical land of sunshine and rainbows...
Between the walls is a giant, ornate double-door with intricate details that are difficult to delineate. They're opened, allowing the affluent ponies full entry to the castle. Each of the ponies has their own unique hairstyle (or manestyle, I don't know) yet few are wearing suits virtually identical to mine, except on the apparent fact that their suits are black...
Black is a depressing choice of color, my ass.
What makes matters worse, knowing it would happen, is that I'm drawing plenty of attention more than I would have liked or expected to. The expressions on their faces are ranging from pure curiosity to amused curiosity. It's like my pride and honor have taken a katana and committed seppuku.
Twilight and Fluttershy sidle beside me, thus taking my attention away from the surrounding crowd.
Twilight gazes at the two of us before sighing calmly. "Well, Rick, Fluttershy, it's only a matter of time until I'm the newly-crowned princess of Equestria.
"Fluttershy," Twilight looks at my daughter sentimentally, "this wouldn't have been achievable without you and the others. I remember back when I first came to Ponyville, I always thought that making friends would have been a waste of my time. I was so caught up in Nightmare Moon's return that there wouldn't have been enough time to make friends.
"But I was wrong. If I hadn't met you guys, Equestria would've been plunged into an eternal night even up to this day, not to mention what would have happened if it was perpetual night and Discord showed up... Instead, the power of our friendship reunited Celestia with her younger sister, and it was our friendship that prevented Discord from ruling over Equestria. We've managed to reform him, and showed him how valuable friendship is.
"We overcame the trials that were thrown at us." Twilight then turns to me next, caressing my knee gingerly with her hoof. Admittedly, it's surprisingly soothing. "All those accomplishments have led down to this. I cannot thank you enough, Rick, and Fluttershy, for making this all possible for me."
Fluttershy leans over and hugs Twilight. "And we're thankful to have a wonderful friend like you, Twilight," Fluttershy says.
"Don't mention it," I say, looking away with a faint blush. After saying that, both sides of my legs are being cuddled. I look down to see the two ponies hugging them. I blush at the heartwarming display. "Alright, alright," I say with half-a-smile, "I get it. We all love each other."
The girls back away with a step, giving me warm smiles.
"We love you, Father," Fluttershy says happily.
"And I love you too, sweetie," I say to her.
Suddenly from our left is a stallion's voice, shouting with a slight grunt. "Twiley!"
We sequentially turn our necks to the source of his voice. To our surprise, it's some white, unicorn stallion squeezing past bundles of smartly-dressed ponies that are indistinctly conversating amongst themselves.
"Twiley!" The stallion repeats in delight. "There's my younger sister!"
With those additional words, my look of surprise quickly changes to horrified.
Perfect days are overrated anyways.
I should have expected something like this coming. I really should have. If it wasn't going to be Godzilla terrorizing Canterlot, or me becoming the hidden seventh element through some bullshit reason, it was going to be this.
I could probably rant this on for days, but time isn't going to do me any favors since the white stallion with a dark blue mane and tail is trotting up to us, a smile on his pale-white visage that broadens as the distance between us thin. I'm not quite sure if he has any idea about Twilight and me, but since he isn't angrily barreling towards me I can say with utter certainty that he probably doesn't.
"Twiley!" the stallion says chipperly, whose name eludes me for the time being, as he pulls Twilight in for a hug. "There's my sister who's soon-to-be-princess!"
"Twiley?" I titter. "What a silly nickname."
Even though I was sure to make that remark quietly as possible, the stallion's ears prick and snaps his attention to me. I really should just speak my thoughts mentally rather than speak them verbally. Die-hard habit, I guess one could say.
He squints at me for several seconds. "Ah," he finally speaks, eyes slightly widening upon realization. "So this is the human you've mentioned several times before, Twiley?" He and Twilight part from their familial embrace, and looks at me curiously. "I know my sis mentioned things here and there but you look far different than how I pictured you... uh-"
"Rick," I finish curtly. "And, how exactly, did you picture me?" I inquire.
"Well," Twilight's brother, Shining Armor, as my memory has caught up to me, rubs the back of his neck with a chuckle. "I pictured you more... hairy. An ape."
I snort in slight annoyance. "You wouldn't be the first to make that inane deduction," I say.
"I mean, you do stand up like one and your anatomy kind of resembles one," Shining Armor states innocently.
I sigh and rub my left temple, doing my level best to refrain myself from acting out in rage. I know it is not something to get too worked up about but trust me when I say this that whenever you walk around and almost everyone would compare you to a poop-throwing animal, it gets obnoxious.
I don't care what scientists say, it's baffling to even theorize that humans have evolved from apes. I'm not the religious type, mind you. I like to think things logically, and my logic tells me that if we have evolved from apes, then why do we still have them around?
"And what did Twilight's descriptions of me gave you that ludicrous idea?" I ask, tone dripping venom.
"Uh..." is all that Shining Armor could utter as he gazes me with a perplexed look on his blank face. It's like he's trying to wrap his head around as to what he has done to make me glower at him.
"Well?" I say as I cross my arms and tap my left foot.
Before Shining Armor could speak another word, Twilight bumps between the two of us and hurriedly points him towards the castle's entrance.
"Oh, look at the time! Perhaps you should be on your way," Twilight says with a nervous smile, gently shoving her brother forward. "Gotta get ready for the coronation, you know. We can continue conversations at the buffet!"
"Uh, sure. Okay. Um. I guess I'll see you later then, sis," Shining Armor says. The stallion leans in for a quick hug and departs, disappearing into the crowd of ponies, leaving me alone with the two girls.
The immediate Shining Armor walks out of earshot, Twilight twirls around and glares fiercely at me.
"What in the hay was that?!" Twilight angrily questions.
"Hey!" I retort with a pointing finger. "If you were in my shoes, you'd get pi-pardon-mad for being referred to an ape more than the times you can count!"
"It still doesn't excuse the fact that that's my brother!" Twilight angrily counters.
"I don't flippin' give a hoot. The fact is that every time I walk around, it's the usual: "Hey there alien from a strange world that looks vaguely resembling an ape, how are you doing?". It has gotten old since day one, and now it's just irritating. Sorry to say this but your brother is no exception."
"Please, Rick," Twilight begins, "if we're to make this work, I need you to act on your best behavior. It's only for today, okay?" I remain silent as I snort. She then looks up at me and clapped her hooves together, pouting. "Please?"
Okay, I'll have to set my manhood aside to say that that is adorable. Of course, it'll never be on par with Fluttershy's pouting.
I give it a thought, turn away for a second to snort, and then turn right back to Twilight. I run a palm from my forehead down to my chin. "...Fine," I sigh. Twilight smiles upon my acquiescence. "I'll try my very best to behave. But if your brother ever mentions-"
"Don't worry," Twilight interrupts, "I'll make sure everypony is duly noted."
My face slightly softens. "That'd be cool." I slightly glance away. "And..." I start, scratching the back of my neck, "I... apologize for the retort."
"I understand. Fluttershy did mention about your temper problem. Promise me though you won't do anything rash today?"
"Just so as long as things go swimmingly, there won't be any further issue."
"I'm sure things will go swimmingly, so there's no need to worry." Twilight sighs. She takes a quick step forward before examining me, her eyes shifting slowly up and down. "You know, you look smart in that outfit," Twilight adds with a giggle.
My face flushes red with a slight grimace. "Thanks..." I say with a self-deprecating smile. "They happen to be my work clothes."
"They look rather fancy to be your work clothes. How much did they cost, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Mmm," I hum thoughtfully. I couldn't remember how expensive my suit and pants were. It's been so long since I had these, and I always ensured throughout the years they were treated nicely as if they were a Ferrari. Maybe a Ferrari isn't the right comparison to use, but it's the only thing I can think up in this instance. Anyway, all I know that the suit and pants weren't cheap. And it was worth every penny. "I can't necessarily remember. Whenever the memory comes around, I'll let you know," I reply.
"Very well," Twilight says with a single nod. "So, shall we?" Twilight asks.
"Lead the way," I say as Twilight trots ahead.
My daughter follows behind me, who is strangely being quiet all of a sudden.
While I am concerned, I've reminded myself about the coronation, and Twilight isn't one to be late on such a life-changing event. I'll have to ask of my daughter's silence later. Then again, it's not uncanny how bashful my daughter can be, given the 'shy' in her name. Although she is usually vivid whenever I'm around, hence the reason why her period of silence has me filled with bewildered concern.
For that matter, another concern crosses my mind...
Will there be any meat at the buffet?
Twilight ushers the way as Fluttershy and I follow closely behind. Thankfully, the massive crowd of ponies disperses to allow us a clear pathway to the castle's entrance. I reckon it may have to do with recognizing Twilight being an alicorn or something. The wall of ponies on both sides cheer for Twilight. Some have jovial smiles. Some cheerfully wave. Some throw livid glares in my direction, to which I spare no effort to ignore.
Inside my brain, there's an irrational part of me that desperately wants to sock the living daylights out of them. But the rational part reminds me of what Twilight said earlier ago. All I have to do is endure this for several more hours of today. Several hours... No problem...
Scanning my left and right, I spot a particular gray pegasus and a light lavender unicorn filly by her side among the bustling crowd of fancy ponies. She's wearing a plain, adorable black dress; the sleeves extend halfway down to the knees of her forelegs, the skirt covering her entire backside with her folded wings protruding out the sides of it. Her blonde mane is curled up much like a bun but with three meticulous coils in different sections of the said bun, an unfamiliar hairstyle yet one I assume required a skilled stylist to perfect. Wouldn't have surprised me if Rarity would have been behind that. As for Dinky: she wears a small red dress identical to her mother's. Her mane, however, remains untouched and looks just as it was the last time we saw each other.
I smirk. 'Well I'll be damned.'
Because I've looked in her direction, Ditzy happens to notice me. Her mouth opens to a bright, cheerful smile as she waves a hoof at me. Her daughter, Dinky, does her best to reach her hoof high to the sky so I'd acknowledge her. She doesn't have to worry; I already saw her the second I saw Ditzy.
I want to saunter over and ask how they're doing, but I get a light tug on the collar by Twilight's magic, knowing that now isn't the best of time. I hope I'll get a chance to speak to them.
We eventually pace through the wall's threshold and escalate up the stairs where we approach an even bigger pair of opened doors, thankfully unguarded. Why am I thankful it is unguarded? To put it short, I kinda got in a pickle with the royal guards. It may have happened, I don't know, sixteen days ago. Regardless, here's my advice: never, and I mean never, get into trouble with these guys, because you don't want to end up like poor old me when it came to a cavity search.
Finally, we've entered the castle, and much like Celestia's throne room, the whole area is exceptionally expansive and fabulously regal. It's so damn big I could practically fit a house in it. Now if only I have the strength of an insane person.
Ahead there is Rarity and Spike idly standing at the center of the area. They spot us out of the corner of their eye and then amble towards our direction. Spike is carrying a bright pink business suitcase -- my guess that it contains Twilight's gown -- 'clawtched' tightly between his scaly little arms.
Get it? Clawtched, as in...
...Ah to hell with it.
"So delightful you've arrived on time, Darling," Rarity says. Halting before us, Rarity ignites her horn and levitates the baggage out of Spike's grip, over to Twilight, and snaps the suitcase open, revealing the dress within. There isn't much to look at, as the gown is folded in a pink square.
Receiving an affirmative nod from Twilight, Rarity quickly closes the suitcase and beckons us to follow. Fluttershy, Twilight, and Spike amble ahead while I follow a couple of feet behind, minding my own business and all that jazz.
"So is everything all set up?" Twilight asks, with the pink suitcase wrapped by Rarity's magic floating next to her.
"Of course, Darling," Rarity answers. "Applejack handled the desserts. Pinkie Pie handled the festivities with the help of Rainbow Dash. I even managed to make the dresses right at the last minute. Everything's all according to plan."
"Perfect!" Twilight replies exuberantly. "All there's left now is the coronation."
Meanwhile, as Rarity and Twilight converse something about whatever, Fluttershy slows her pacing until she's by my side. We don't exchange any words for a minute, that is until my daughter finally breaks the silence.
"This is just amazing," Fluttershy comments with a small smile.
"Hm?" I question in a hum.
"Everything that's happened; I just can't believe Twilight's an alicorn now. Well, I do believe it but at the same time, it's unbelievable having a princess for a friend. What do you think, Father?" Fluttershy inquires, looking up at me.
"To tell you the truth, I'm still surprised about all of this. I mean, never in my mind did I expect to be living on an actual cartoon universe full of technicolor ponies. Heck, it's far more surprising having a pony as your girlfriend. Practically surreal."
"I see," Fluttershy says. "So you still miss Earth, Father?"
I hum thoughtfully. "Somewhat," I simply reply.
"Somewhat?" my daughter asks, tilting her head slightly with a cocked brow.
"Somewhat as in that I kinda miss it but at the same time don't. You see, my dear Shy, I wasn't exactly your social kind of guy; I never liked being around people, that or they never liked being around me. Likely the latter." I gaze up at the ceiling high above and exhale a wistful sigh. "But I lived several good years there. I had a mediocre job to pay out all the bills. I lived in a home away from everybody else and watched cartoons to my heart's content."
"Oh," Fluttershy mutters. "Do you... Um. Do you like living here then?"
I gingerly tap an index finger on my chin. "I... I'm not exactly sure how to answer that, but, long as I'm with you, my dear Shy, I'll always be happy. No matter where I am."
And there, my daughter gives me the brightest, infectious smile I ever have seen her do today. She then leans in and nuzzles the side of my thigh. I return the sentiment by combing my fingers through her soft mane, looking down at her with an even wider, fatherly smile.
And so we -- Fluttershy, Rarity, Spike, Twilight and I -- continually walk down the marble-floored hallway for what almost feels like an eternity, although I'm sure it's only been like several minutes. The echoes of my footsteps, as well as the frequent squeaks from my sneakers, resonate down the spacious corridor. There is no telling where the end is nor the start wherever we were at, almost like those neverending hallway shenanigans you'd see in silly cartoons. I wonder how close we are to our destination as my feet are beginning to feel sore. After several more steps, Rarity subtly makes a halt right in front of a wooden door, this one door which bears literally no difference from twenty of its brethren that we've already passed. And yes, I've been counting, thank you very much.
"Here we are!" Rarity chimes. "Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack should be inside this room."
"Uh..." I start with a raised finger, which gains their attention. "Pardon me for saying this, but, you're absolutely certain that this is the right door?"
"Whatever do you mean, Darling?" questioned Rarity, using a hoof to put her curly mane back in place.
"Gee, I don't know. Ever noticed how every blasted door here looks exactly the same as all the others? Heck, it doesn't seem to have a slab or anything. I mean, unless you have an infallible recall. That there would be quite impressive."
"Why of course I'm certain this is the right door," Rarity assures. "Hold this for me would you, Spike?" she asks as the suitcase held by her magic floats down to Spike, to which he eagerly makes a grab for it. Her horn flares up again as the door's iron handle is coated in a blue aura, and with little magical force, it creaks open like nails dragging down a chalkboard intermittently. As luck would have it (if there was any, to begin with), there's Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash inside...
I pinch the bridge of my nose, whispering to myself. "Why doesn't this surprise me at all? It's a bloody cartoon; everything is freakin' scripted."
"Howdy!" greets Applejack, followed by Pinkie Pie's joyous "Hello!" as she waves her pink hoof vibrantly.
Rainbow Dash, however, has a scowling frown when she sees me. She then turns her tail to me and humphs, snout in the air.
"Seriously, Rainbow? Still not over that whole 'me slamming a pan in your face' thing from yesterday?"
"What?!" Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack and Twilight blurt in unison, aghast. All except for Spike and Pinkie Pie, they do their best suppressing themselves from giggling. At least I am glad I'm not the only one thinking it's funny.
"What in tarnation were you thinking?!" Applejack asks.
I quickly hold my hands up. "Hold your horses, girls. Before you all get your tails tangled up into knots, she technically flew into the pan. The girl was ignoring me when I was trying to get her attention."
"And you thought putting up a pan to fly into was the best solution?" Rarity argues.
"Yes," I reply with a shit-eating grin.
"Dad!" my daughter exclaims with a soft stomp. I mean so soft she doesn't even make a sound. "Apologize to Rainbow Dash!"
I again hold my hands up, waving them a little bit. "All right. All right," I say, taking a step toward Rainbow Dash. I huff out a sigh with a slight roll of my eyes. "Rainbow Dash..." I mumble with a cringe.
"Father..." Fluttershy pronounces my name in an assertive tone, a tone like that of a supervising parent. Funnily ironic.
Huffing another sigh, I recompose and start once more stoically. "Rainbow Dash. I, Rick, stand here before judging eyes," as I am referring to the ponies and baby dragon, "sincerely apologize for smacking a pan right into your face. So we cool? Hip? Whatever it is you say around here."
The cyan pegasus barely shoots me back a look, but I could have sworn the corner of her lip has a smirk. She swivels around until she is facing me, that smirk of hers now fully visible.
"Mmm, yeah. We're cool, dude," Rainbow Dash says. "But there's one thing you gotta do, just so it's solid."
I slightly lean forward, raising a brow. "And what might that be...?"
The cyan pegasus takes flight and hovers over until she is about an arm's length from me. I reactively back up a single step, unsure whatever it is Rainbow Dash intends to do. I somewhat flinch when she stretches a hoof at me. I blink, wondering if she is pointing at me because, honestly, it's hard to discern their gestures without fingers. Nevertheless. Whatever her intention is, I hope it doesn't involve degrading myself in front of everyone.
"Hoof Bump," Rainbow Dash says.
I blink dumbly. "Beg your pardon?"
"Hoof Bump," Rainbow Dash repeats. "It's to show we're cool. Y'know, water under the bridge and sort? Don't you guys have that sort of thing where you're from?"
Okay... First of all, how Rainbow Dash knew that we fist bump as a friendly gesture has me a bit curious. Secondly, if this is what bronies call a ‘brohoof’, and being that I'm not a brony…
"How ‘bout you go shove a pole up your plot," is what I reply.
Now everyone would be thinking in their head that my response may have been an overreaction, and they'd be right. Heck, I could just imagine the thousands of them face-palming simultaneously.
Everything goes abruptly silent. I look around, and everyone’s eyes are all widened in pure shock, including Spike whose lower jaw drops to the floor hard as an anchor that I swear it even sounded like one when it made an impact.
...
That was how I simulated the ordeal in my brain if I DID say that. What actually happens is that I internally groan and, much to my chagrin, I ball my hand into a fist and... gingerly pound my fist to the flat of her hoof. Everybody gives me cheerful smiles and approving glances, especially my daughter, glancing at me most proudly. In a way, I feel like I lost my pride and dignity completely but making my daughter happy is certainly worth the humility.
"So what're we waiting for? We got a coronation to attend to!" Applejack hollers.
With synchronized nods, five of the ponies and baby dragon, excluding Twilight and I, make an egress out the door to finally prepare for the big event, leaving us in the dust. Once they've left, the door slams itself shut behind them, and soon we are graced by sweet old silence.
"Well," Twilight says as she rubs her right foreleg. "Guess I should go get dressed. Don't want to keep everypony waiting." Her horn sparks and the suitcase lying on the floor where Spike once stood levitated over to the alicorn. "Y'know, my offer still stands," Twilight adds with a hip shake.
I shake my head. "Yeah," I drawl, "I'm good. Thanks."
"Pssst. Rick, perhaps you may have forgotten, but this seems like the aptest of timing to talk to Twilight..."
Oh, right!
I extend an arm out and softly holler at the lavender alicorn. "Hold on, Twilight!"
Twilight, already inside the bathroom, peeks her head out from the cracked opening. "Is there something the matter, Rick?"
"I, um..." I meekly begin, straining on the thought for an appropriate way to call her over. "If there is some time left... do you think we could possibly have a chat?"
Twilight's muzzle slightly frowns as she cocks an eyebrow. "A chat?" she asks, trotting out of the bathroom.
"Y-yeah," I stutter. "I have some things to go over with you... if it's not too much ask," I ask sincerely.
Twilight slowly trots out of the bathroom door and comes over to sit in front of me. I nod at her and yank away a stool from a nearby table. As I sit on the tiny stool, I stare down solemnly at Twilight Sparkle. She raises her gaze to meet mine, and I can tell just by gazing into her eyes she is brimming with anxiety.
"Twilight," I start with an impassive facade. I rest my elbows on my knees as I interlaced my hands, staring down at the floors.
"Yes, Rick?"
"I've been wanting to discuss with you about something; I want to tell you about what it is that I like about you and some other things before I get to the point. I also want to share a little about my history so you'd have a better understanding of me."
"Okay," Twilight replies with an earnest nod.
"I'm going to come out straight saying that I do like you, make no mistake about that. I want you to know that I like your affinity for knowledge and literature. You're blisteringly intelligent, and you have such fancy vocabulary that I at times wish I'd have the pleasure of knowing." I twiddle my thumbs a little, my gaze remains glued to the floor as I continue.
"I can somewhat relate: I was somewhat of an avid reader myself when I was younger. Books were the fundamental source of my imagination; I loved how the words brought the events to life inside my head, and I loved how they acutely described the ambiance, the actions, and the emotions down to the tiniest speck of detail. That and my adoration for cartoons.
"I was your typical, spritely kid, always seeing the positive side of things even when things were grim and dark. But all that came tumbling down when my foster parents told me who I really was; it was when I became thirteen years old that they revealed to me that I was adopted." I tighten my clasped hand as I shift a little on the stool. "My world kept rolling downhill when they further revealed I have Aspergers. I never liked the idea that I was... special; I never liked how different I was treated, or how I understood things differently.
"Throughout my teenage years, I was becoming socially distant, refusing to make any friends. Kids at the school would ridicule me because of how socially awkward I was. It got bad enough that my foster parents had to homeschool me. My foster father taught me how the world worked and influenced me to follow his harsh examples. By the time I was an adult and managed to land a job as a journalist, I saved up enough money so I could move out and afford a house. I was fortunate to have bought one far outside the city, where there would be no neighbors to pester me.
"I lived at that house for so many years in solitude that it made me bitter and selfish, and I always kept my distance from forming any friendships. I was a miserable introvert."
Twilight's eyes are glossy as she looks at me sympathetically.
"Rick, I didn't-"
"Please, I am almost finished," I plead, still maintaining my stoic expression. Twilight nods and gestures me to continue. "You should know that I'm far from being an innocent man. I've stolen people's jobs; I've spread false gossip that got some of my fellow employees fired so that I could move up and take their positions.
"So... now that I've disclosed all this to you, can you still say you like me?"
"Rick," Twilight begins softly, "I'm sure it has taken a lot of courage for you to tell me all of this. The pain you've gone through must have been such a burden, and I'm sorry it has taken a toll on you. But... that was the old you. What matters is the present you and all the great things you did."
Twilight gets up from her haunches and places a gentle hoof on my arm.
"You've atoned for all your wickedness when you saved and raised Fluttershy," Twilight continues. "From what she told me: you became a much better person throughout the years of raising her. You found the meaning of love and friendship, and you gave everything up just to be with her. That is the Rick I care about."
I never once have shed a tear. Rather, a small smile breaks out from my stoicism as I look up to meet her eyes with mine.
"I'm glad to hear those words, Twilight," I say softly. "And so now with all that said, I want to talk to you how I feel about the way you've been seducing me."
Twilight's eyes slightly widen as her face flushes. She retracts her hoof away from my arm. "Oh, yes... Well, you see," she starts sheepishly, "the reason I've been doing all of that is that I've done some reading..."
I frown a little. "Reading what, exactly?"
Twilight backs up a few inches and clops her hooves together with a sheepish smile. "I've been reading some fantasy romance novels that Rarity lent me. She also gave me some pointers that were..." Twilight's face glows deeper red "explicitly dirty, per se. I mean, I've never been in a relationship before so of course I listened to her."
My soft smile returns as I chuckle. "Well that was your biggest mistake. Sure she may have the experience but I don't think she's the right pony to turn to when it comes down to things like this. And I will be blunt to say that all that flirting and seduction doesn't tickle my fancy, Twilight. It made me uncomfortable."
Twilight frowns as her ears droop. "I'm sorry for doing that. You could at least have said something about it earlier."
I blush. "I was going to. But I didn't want to talk about it in public, you know?"
"Oh, yes, absolutely!" Twilight exclaims. "And I'm glad you're telling me this now! It's just that Rarity told me that by wooing you it'd probably help with your fear-"
"It's not a fear! I just find it taboo, is all!" I protest. I exhale a tired sigh. "Again I may have not chosen the right words or been clear of the things I've said earlier today. I would just like for us to start again from the ground up."
"That's actually okay by me!" Twilight beams.
I smirk and ruffle her mane a little. "Awesome. So what do you say tomorrow we just read together for our first date? Just to start things off simple?"
"That would be superb," Twilight happily agrees. Her smile then brightens more as she bounces around me shouting out Yesses in a celebratory manner.
I cross my arms and smirk at the bouncy egghead.
"You could have also told her that you were a bed wetter as a kid," my brain quips wryly.
How about you stop being a wet blanket and just let me enjoy this?
"I'll be in the bathroom to get ready," Twilight says as she heads into the bathroom, towing the pink suitcase with her magic.
I decide to wait by scrutinizing my surroundings, starting with the quaint-looking furniture scattered around the room:
There is a fancy queen sleigh bed sitting against the left-hand side of the room's wall, complete with sheets and dotted with pillows. At the opposite end of the room is a stained glass window depicting a majestic white dove with its wings spread, glowing radiantly from the sunlight outside. Fetching. Oddly situated on the right of the window is an antiquated, bookless bookshelf. It seems rather pointless to have an empty bookshelf. But who's to say I'm a critic, right? Then to the right of it is your average, four-legged wooden round table and your average wooden three-legged stool.
And, well, that's rather about it other than the lack of wallpaper and a few counterfeit paintings that vaguely resemble Earth's like the Mona Lisa.
Except they're... ponified.
I bury my face into the palm of my right hand, shaking my head. "Seriously?" I grumble.
A couple of minutes later, the bathroom door slowly opens with a tedious squeak. Turning to the noise, my vision is graced by an alicorn adorning purple regalia. And... yeah, that's about as much as I could jot down when it comes to meticulous gowns. Who do you think I am? Pierre Cardin? There on her forehooves are golden-plated shoes much like Celestia's.
Anyway. The moment I saw her, I was utterly speechless. No, really. Speechless as in that I didn't know what to say about her dress. But given it's a dress regardless, I blurt out the first compliment that quickly comes to mind.
"Nice outfit," I say.
I could hear an imitation slap to the forehead withinside my cranium. 'Smoooooth move, Romeo,' my brain snarks.
As if you could do better!
'I would, but it would contain expletives.'
Then keep your damn mouth shut.
"Outfit?" Twilight asks, confused.
Snapping back to matters at hand, a tiny drop of sweat trickles down my temple. "Err. No, no." I shake my head. "Let me rephrase. What I meant to say was... uh," I trail off into a contemplative pause to come up with a better compliment.
'Divine. Ravishing. Gorgeous. Amazing. Fabulous,' my brain barrages me an array of choices.
"Beautiful," I quickly say. "What I really meant to say was that you look beautiful!"
Twilight holds a hoof to her cheek, looking away with a flushed visage. "R-really?" she queries, bashful.
'Mmm. Cliche. But nice recovery nonetheless. I probably would've gone with sexy.'
Paying no mind to that absurd suggestion, I approach Twilight nonchalantly, kneel on my left knee in front of her, lift one of her forehooves with an assiduous hand and smooch right on the tip of the shoe. I'm not being flirtatious. I'm being gentlemanly. There's a difference.
"I'd be downright lying if I said you weren't," I say, giving her hoof another gentle peck while my eyes remain fixed on hers. This elicits a giggle from the blushing alicorn.
"My, you're such a flatterer," Twilight remarks.
'Sheesh. You practically have her head over heels for you.'
Correction: head over hooves. And here I thought you had the brains.
What follows after that is pure silence you could practically hear the ellipsis.
Here are the scores. Me: a big fat number one. Brain: zilch.
I let go of her hoof and stand up. "I reckon we should get a move on," I suggest. I begin walking towards the door, pull it wide open and bow down low gentlemanlike. “After you,” I say with a smirk.
Twilight trots on with a grateful smile. “Such a gentlecolt,” she says as she passes by.
I would’ve corrected her, but I instead perish the thought and close the door on the way out. Back in the vacant hallway, the two of us stroll down the way we came. When we've returned to the central area of the palace, there are five of the girls and baby dragon, all properly dressed up for the coronation. As I've stated before, I have no education for fashion, so I'll skip scrawling the details to save my journal a page or two.
When we have arrived at the central area and saw that everyone is well-prepared for the ceremony, Twilight thoroughly examines each of them and breathes in and out. "Alright, girls, it's almost time," she says. "If I may share a few sentimental words, I want to say that I am very proud to have such great ponies to call as friends." I silently look at the smiling girls, small blushes radiating from their dimples. "Whatever happens today, just remember that I will still be the egghead librarian," there I titter, "everypony knows and loves, princess or not, and you girls, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, will still be my most beloved friends."
A chorus of heartfelt Awws fill the room as the girls including Spike huddle together and give the alicorn a group hug.
"And may it stay that way for the rest of our lives," Rarity says.
Twilight peers over her shoulder to look at me. "There's enough room for one more."
I refuse politely with a waving hand. "I'm fine standing over here. 'Preciate the offer, though."
"Aw come on, Ricky!" Pinkie Pie pipes up. "The more the merrier!"
"I told y- Ack!" a pink extremity that stretches to comically-exaggerated proportions rings around my arm and whisks me right into the group hug instantly, nearly giving me whiplash.
"The gang's all together now!" Pinkie Pie jovially exclaims.
Pinkie Pie, the next time my birthday comes around, you're not invited.
The anticipated, life-changing event is upon us. Specifically upon Twilight Sparkle. Anybody could imagine how stirring this has to be for her; promoted from a studious unicorn to a full-fledged alicorn that is soon to be coronated as a princess. Like her friends Twilight never expected this turn of events, and even as of today she is still slightly shocked, shocked that all her hard studying and perilous adventures with her friends have led her up to this very moment. This indeed will be -- without any traces of doubt -- the perfect day she'll never forget.
Well, so far it's been perfect.
I've repeated to myself multiple amounts of times that I need to keep calm and collected to endure the coronation and the buffet. Easier said than done! The more I've wanted the day to be over quickly, the slower time appears to tick away.
Ascending several flights of stairs, we reach a balcony overlooking the entire courtyard in front of the palace. There, I have a crystal-clear view of the buildings of varying shapes and sizes, far as the eye could see. Such a view somewhat reminds me of the city, and all I'd have to do is slap in some refineries, bums, BK, and it'd be the spitting image of it.
Up high in the cloudless sky is Celestia's sun, shining vibrantly bright that gives everything it touches color and life. The air is also crisp and cool, just how it should be for this momentous occasion. Squinting, I see the silhouettes of the pegasi guards soaring across the blue yonder, like a flock of bloodthirsty hawks ready to strike should things go awry. Finally, I proceed on to the end of the platform and rest my hands on the pearly-white stone railings. The warmth seeped in the railings are pleasant to my fingers and palms. I carefully lean forward and gaze down at the cheering horde of ponies below and wince at how far of a drop it is from the balcony to the ground, so I backpedal a few steps until I'm with the girls again. There are times that I forget my fear of high places. Acrophobia, if memory serves.
Speaking of which, heh, y'know two weeks ago when I complied to be Dinky's temporary dad on Father's Day? Boy did Ditzy have a funny story to tell. To make a long story short, she once knew a pegasus in her filly years who had acrophobia! Can you imagine how ludicrous that is? A winged creature who is afraid of heights. I never thought I'd laugh so hard.
Moving on. One of the girls, Applejack, happens to have noticed my reaction at the railings. "Not a fan of high places, I reckon?" Applejack asks with a playful grin.
I look down and shoot her a deadpan stare. "Brilliant observation skills, Applejack," I answer sarcastically. "What gave it away?"
"Well ya scurried back here right after you peered over the railings. Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out," Applejack counters smugly.
I open my mouth to spit a comeback but the small rational part of me knows she's in the right here so I close my mouth, accepting defeat. Touche, Freckles. Touche.
"It's okay, Father," my daughter says consolingly. "Back when I used to be a filly, I had a fear of heights."
Oh... now I feel ashamed for laughing at Ditzy's story...
"So, uh," I begin, quickly changing the subject, "you all know where the other princesses are at?"
"We're right here, Rick," answers a feminine voice from behind.
Speak of the devil...
I whirl around to see Celestia, Luna, and Cadance emerge from the shadows and onto the balcony's platform with gentle smiles plastered on their faces. The girls and dragon bow their heads low. Fluttershy then gestures me to do the same, so I acquiesce by bowing low as well. It's also about damn time that I finally get to see Cadance in person since Twilight told me so much about her.
From what I recall, she's the Princess of Love who rules an empire of crystals, I think, and is married to Twilight's older brother. She, too, is an alicorn. A pink one at that. Her mane consists of three solid streaks of white, dark purple and magenta. The cutie mark embedded on her flank is a crystalline heart with multiple mirror-like facets around its center. Her lavender eyes gleam once she's seen Twilight, and then she saunters over to give Twilight a quick hug.
"Thank you all for being courteously patient," Celestia says, beaming at us gratefully. "There were matters that had to be attended, but now that it's been settled we can carry on with the ceremony."
The celestial mare trots up to the edge of the balcony, her prismatic mane flowing gracefully in the wind. Although what's really the difference when it already flows without it? I watch as Cadence goes up after her, then Luna. When Luna passes me by, however, she gives me a wink. I reciprocate by nodding with a smirk. The Princess of the Night acknowledges and moves on to the balcony with the other two alicorns.
Gladly nobody has caught the exchange as it would be sort of awkward for me to explain, anyway.
Celestia stands fully upright, gracing everybody her royal presence. Her subjects below cheer their hearts out, hooves stomping on the ground that my feet can feel the small vibrations. The celestial mare raises a hoof, and everyone immediately goes dead silent in a snap. Such obedience. I'd bet Celestia could make them fetch or play dead, too.
"Fillies and gentlecolts," Celestia loudly proclaims with thunderous enthusiasm. "We are gathered here today for a glorious ceremony! My most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, has done many extraordinary things since she's lived in Ponyville."
I'm sure having a crush on a human counts as one of them, My brain snarks.
'Oh for the love of God,' I mentally groan.
"She even helped reunite me with my sister, Princess Luna." Celestia looks at her sister fondly for a brief moment before turning back to the multitude of her equine subjects. "But today Twilight Sparkle did something extraordinary."
Gee, to say her student has done extraordinary things twice must definitely be extraordinary.
'If only you have a neck I'd strangle you right now,' I threaten.
Celestia continues her speech. "She created new magic, proving without a doubt that she is ready to be crowned Equestria's newest princess."
Princess of B-
'Don't you dare finish that sentence or I will jump off this balcony.'
"Fillies and gentlecolts, may I present for the very first time," and on that line Twilight slowly advances toward Celestia, wings unfolded, "Princess Twilight Sparkle!"
Twilight joins the other princesses in a horizontal line, with Spike who is carrying a gold tiara studded with sapphires and a magenta star-shaped gem reminiscent of Twilight's cutie mark as he walks beside her, putting on the happiest smile for everybody to see. Celestia uses her magic to lift the crown and rest it on Twilight's head.
The sound of cheering, whistling and stomping erupt from the roaring crowd louder than ever before that it is almost deafening. They wave their hooves in the air as colorful streamers and confetti rain from the sky. Twilight, speechless, makes a toothy smile and waves down at the ponies in return.
Celestia lends a hoof on Twilight's shoulders, whispering something in her ear. Twilight's lips form an 'o' before clearing her throat.
"A little while ago, my mentor and teacher, Princess Celestia, sent me to live in Ponyville. She sent me to study friendship, which is something I didn't care much about," Twilight says, turning halfway to see her friends sentimentally. "But now, on a day like today, I can honestly say," Twilight fully faces her friends, motioning them forward with a hoof, to which they oblige. Except me, of course, for I stay put. "I wouldn't be standing here if it weren't for the friendships I made with all of you. Each one of you has taught me something about friendship and for that... I will always be grateful." Twilight swivels to the crowd once more. "Today, I consider myself the luckiest pony in Equestria. Thank you, friends. Thank you, everypony!"
The ponies cheer for possibly the third and hopefully the last time since my eardrums are beginning to ache. Trumpets playing, drums drumming, Twilight heads back into the palace. Meanwhile, at the threshold between the balcony and palace, my brain has an unsettling thought.
Why do I have the heavy feeling a song is coming on...?
'You're getting worried over nothing. I mean, I don't feel it, so I know it's not going to happen.'
Actually...
'What? What is it?'
I'm slightly certain there's a thing called reprise.
'Meaning...?'
Reprise means a repeat of music.
'Oh. Surely the writers wouldn't dare t-' I bite my tongue when an ominously familiar feeling forces it's way up from the recesses of my stomach to the upper-left part of my chest. '...Fuck my life.'
Today has been a tug of war between eventful and uneventful:
I haven't eaten lately.
I got sucked into a musical number. Twice...
My embarrassing suit.
The stares and snickering because of said suit.
All those misfortunes combined have put me in such a sour mood as of late, but I try my hardest to bottle it in.
Just relax, Rick. Keep it together. You've still got about maybe a couple of hours until this is over, then you go back to your daughter's home and enjoy some peace and quiet. Well, as much peace and quiet as one can get with a cottage full of squawks, hisses, chirps, roars, and howls and so forth...
But everything isn't all that bad. After all, all that patience will graciously soon reward me...
"Food!" I say as I gawk at the assorted row of giant round tables loaded with delectables and appetizers far as the hungry eye can see: Mashed potatoes. A plethora of steamed veggies. Buttered biscuits. Cupcakes, and other tantalizing varieties of pastries. Pasta. And so much more!
I'm practically salivating that I use a wrist to wipe the excess drool off the corner of my mouth. If my stomach had a face, it's probably shedding a tear of joy right about now. Instead, it growls in eagerness. I happily share the sentiment as I rush for one of the tables.
I'm not even sure where to even begin. Since my patience has already been thinned, I slowly -- ever so agonizingly slowly -- reach a hand for the biscuits. They look so fresh I'll bet they're even heavenly soft. Just as I am inches away from grabbing the biscuits a swift yellow hoof smacks my hand away.
"Yeow!" I yelp as I quickly retreat my hand to my stomach.
"No, bad Father," Fluttershy softly scolds me like I'd been a spoiled puppy that got into the treats. "We don't use our hooves or hands. That's what the tongs are for. But you need to take a plate first."
I'm going to outright admit that my dear Shy can be rather intimidating when she gets pretty stern.
"Yeesh, you don't hold back," I remark. I hiss as I gingerly rub the red mark with my other hand. It doesn't stay there for long, but man did it sting. Fluttershy smiles and carefully takes the topmost plate from a short tower of plates with her wing.
It's marveling and yet somewhat disturbing to me how Fluttershy can skillfully use her wings like a giant pair of hands...
I sigh and grab the next topmost plate from the stack and slowly shuffle in the orderly line next to my daughter with the other snobby, rich ponies who, to no one's surprise, are giving me those irritating stares. They even so as much as scowl when I'm nowhere near touching them. I keep myself composed and collected because, at this point, I'm beginning to care less and less of what they're supposedly thinking and focus solely on filling up my stomach.
My dear Shy, ahead of me, lends me the tongs for the biscuits. I accept the tongs and use them to grab two biscuits. I lower the tongs back on the table and aim for the scooping soup spoon next to a bowl of mixed steamed veggies and scoop some for my plate.
When I have gathered enough food on my plate, including a slice of Applejack's famous apple pie that I overheard some ponies say it's to die for, Fluttershy and I sit down at a table with the rest of the gang who had a large table reserved for all of us. The ponies did mention the ingredients that were in the pie, but I didn't bother sticking around long enough to find out.
As I sit down, I unfold a napkin with silverware in it. With a fork in hand, I begin to chow down on the steamed veggies first while the ponies and baby dragon are having an animated conversation about today's experience. They take small bites of their food in between their chatter. My eyes are spellbound to my plate and nothing else, but from time to time I would glance up and see the ponies smiling and giggling. The sour mood I've developed is melting away as I hear the buoyant sounds of their chatter and laughter.
This is... nice. It's times like this I'd regret having lived those years alone and bitter when life had so much more to offer such as this. Now here I am, sitting at a table surrounded by these ponies that consider me their friend. Strangely enough, I feel the same way.
My dear Shy takes notice of the smile stretching across my face and smiles too. I also take notice of it and look back down at my food with a faint blush. My daughter giggles and goes back confabulating with her friends amicably. I stay quiet most of the time as I don't want to interrupt or get too absorbed in the chat when there are leftovers on my plate. The evening continues on like that.
Eventually, I manage to clean up my plate save for the slice of pie. I hold it off until the food can settle inside my stomach. Since I've nothing better to do, I listen on and find out they're currently talking about music and their favorite instrument.
Pinkie Pie has an interest in drums, which is unprecedented. To me, anyway.
Rainbow Dash, obvious as it was, has a major likeness for electric guitars.
Applejack being the banjo.
Fluttershy shyly expresses her interest in the tambourine.
The piano for Rarity.
As for Spike, he had to give it a moment's pause before declaring the bass.
And that only leaves...
"Well..." Twilight begins thoughtfully. "I do like classical and instrumental, so I'd have to say... the violin."
The violin, huh? I remember that I took violin classes when my foster parents, especially my foster mother, homeschooled me. She was heavily insistent that I'd become a musician.
I blankly stare at Fluttershy. Then I blink. "What?"
"I didn't know you played the violin, Rick," Twilight says, pleasantly surprised. I blink again.
Did I seriously just speak my mind out? That was not supposed to come out of my mouth. It is at this moment my insides begin to feel like ice as I nervously look at the mares. Their undivided attention to me, they each have profound curiosity bored on their expressions.
A drop of sweat trickles down my temple. "I-I never said a thing l-like that," I stutter with a nervous grin. "I said that I like violins, too. You guys must have misheard." Much as I have tried to act sincere and convincing, none of the girls seem to have bought it.
"I'm pretty sure we heard you say you used to play the violin," Rainbow Dash points out.
"You've got to play it for us!" Pinkie Pie encourages.
"I agree with Pinkie," Twilight says enthusiastically. "I think everypony here wants to listen to you play."
"Uhh..." I open my mouth to oppose, but that's when...
"Please, Father. I would love to hear how you play."
I frown upon hearing that plea and — though my brain strongly told me not to — look to my daughter. The minute I did, she's staring up at me with those puppy-dog eyes one cannot just say no to. I clutch my chest with a grimace. Why must you be so damn adorable, Fluttershy?!
"Fluttershy I'm-" I try to speak.
My daughter then brings her forelegs together, her pupils dilating as they sparkle. "Pretty please?" Fluttershy pleads with that squeaky smile of hers.
Insert obligatory 'heart explodes due to cuteness overload' cliche.
"I would my dear Shy," I say, struggling to keep myself from submitting to that face of hers, "but since I never brought one from Earth-"
"Here you go!" Pinkie Pie exclaims cheerily as she gently shoves a violin to my chest.
"Wait, wha- Pinkie!" I stammer, gaping. "Where did you even-"
"Play it, play it!" Pinkie Pie says, her bubbling excitement drawing lots of unwanted attention. Everything falls into utter silence.
I can feel my heart nearly jumping out of my chest due to overwhelming anxiety as many of the ponies that were minding their own business are now pinning their attention to me and only me. I start sweating bullets. I'm even creating a puddle on the pearly-white floor. Some of the ponies talk amongst themselves in hushed whispers. I can tell they're already being judgemental, and the pressure is building up on me. I... I don't know if I can do this... This is just like that time...
"Go, Rick!"
Wait a second... that voice...
I look for the one who cheered for me and, to my shock, it's Ditzy Doo sitting at a couple of tables down from where I'm at.
"Yeah, go Daddy!" Dinky shouts.
I don't know how, and I don't know why, but after hearing them cheer for me has helped me gain some confidence, enough so that I manage to stand. However, I'm not completely certain that I can still play, that is until Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Spike, Twilight and my daughter whisper their encouragement: that I am going to do splendidly. That I can do this.
My daughter brushes her hoof on my knee soothingly for extra encouragement. I smile with a nod.
I close my eyes, and everything fades into a black void. But the strangest thing is... I can see my daughter and her friends; there is nobody else but them under a brilliant ray of light. The harsh, rapid beating of my heart reverts to its natural rhythm. My anxiety vanishing, I inhale through my nostrils and then...
"Breathe out," I whisper as I open my eyes. My lips perk into a confident smile.
Memories of my lessons race through my mind:
I assume a posture, supporting the violin with my left shoulder as I place the left side of my jaw on the chinrest of the instrument. I carefully tune the violin with my fingers as I hold the bow in the same hand. I give it a few strums and tune it a bit more. When it is tuned to my liking, I gingerly plant my fingers on the neck's strings.
I furrow my brow as I contemplate on the solo of a choosing. To be honest, I've only learned how to play two. One being of Samvel Yervinhan, and the other Lindsey Stirling. I pick the former. I glance at a pianist pony across the room and nod at him. Thankfully the pony nods understandably and turns to face the keys, hooves at the ready.
And here, I start playing.
It starts off slow, and the pianist follows the mood pretty well. Many of the ponies that had doubts have their jaws partially slacked, whether from astonishment or plain shock, as I continue playing purely based on muscle memory.
My daughter is simply captivated, along with Twilight and some of her other friends. Except for Rainbow Dash who is mumbling something. Pinkie Pie plants the flat of her hoof on the blue pegasus' muzzle.
I cast a brief glance at Ditzy and Dinky. Dinky is just sitting there with a bright smile, all the meanwhile Ditzy's eyes are half-lidded as she looks at me dreamily.
Finally, I finish. As I lower the instrument, the ponies clop their hooves in soft applause with approving smiles. My daughter and her friends express their appraisals with whistles and shouts. This feeling I'm having right now... Just what is it? I can't describe it in words. It's... foreign to me.
"That's the sense of accomplishment, Darling," Rarity says.
I cock a brow. "Did I seriously just blurt my thoughts out loud again?" I ask.
"Yes, but that doesn't matter. What matters is your audience! Bow!" Pinkie Pie says.
Facing the crowd, I make a short bow not just to them but also to the pianist. The pianist bows to me in-kind before trotting off for presumably a drink. Speaking of which, I sit back down to chug up my untouched glass of water. Man was I thirsty. And hungry.
I snatch the apple pie I left on my plate and shove it in my mouth and munch on it before swallowing in the span of seconds. Now that, there, is a good pie despite how petite it was.
"Going to admit, Applejack, that pie of yours is..." Suddenly my stomach loudly growls, and not in a pleasant or good way. I immediately push myself away from the table, rushing for the bathroom. To my rotten luck... I couldn't make it.
Man. That had to be the worst, embarassing day of my life... I really shouldn't have eaten too much at the buffet. I also shouldn't hav- Oh jeez just a second.
...
Ugh. Sorry for the pause there. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to cut this short because I am rather unwell at the moment. Allow me to shed some light: it was right after I impressed everybody with my violin solo that I ate Applejack's "famous" apple pie.
That's when everything went horribly, horribly wrong. For some odd reason, my stomach was churning, unpleasantly, when I ate that slice of Applejack's apple pie. The effect was worsened due to the fact I was full... To keep the gross level at a minimum, let's just say that the servants had to clean up my leftovers that were splayed out across the floor.
When my dear Shy asked Freckles what was in that slice after the incident, well it turned out that they were baked with... Hay. I wasn't sure if it was an allergic reaction or what, but damn my stomach did not like it at all. I also discovered that compared to Pinkie Pie's baked goods was that the pink mare doesn't use hay in her ingredients. She admitted hay "takes the sugary sweetness out of them". Well that explained everything- Hold up...
...
Ergh. Aside from ruining everyone's appetite at the buffet, and slashed the hopes on making a good impression, I was immediately guided home by my daughter and will be treated under her care. Bless her. Just bless her. Right now I am writing this journal in the bathroom where I've been hurling whatever's left in my stomach minutes before bed. Hey, I had to write this down one way or another.
"Alright, Father," Fluttershy coos from behind the bathroom door outside, "it's time for bed, but not before you take your medicine."
I raise my head from the toilet -- which is oddly a sitting toilet this time, yet I'm not going to complain -- and wiped off some drool from my bottom lip. "Be right out," I say. From now on, only eat Pinkie Pie's bakery.
So here's Rick's short list on how to start off a shitty morning.
Throw up in a bucket the first minute you wake up in bed? Check.
Throat burns like hell with irritated coughs? Check.
Throw up the second time after the coughing? Check.
Use the Lord's name in vain? ...Double-check.
"This sucks!" I whine with an indignant frown, lowering the puke bucket down to the floor next to my bed. It really does suck to have that weird feeling when your stomach gurgles and you believe it to be an incoming burp, but then come to the horrific realization that it's not until it's too late.
To the left of me, there is my precious and caring daughter using a clean napkin to wipe away some of the vomit drool on my mouth. To the right of me, dust-filled beams of sunlight stream through the two heart-shaped holes of the closed shutter window. The beams land right where my heart is. It is warm and soothing, just like my daughter's soft smile.
"It's all right, Father," my daughter coos placatingly, petting the side of my noggin with a hoof. She takes the same napkin and gently dabs the corners of my mouth with her other hoof. "Everypony has to be allergic to something."
I deadpan. "But hay? I mean come on! Out of all the things I could've likely been allergic to, it has to be hay. Moreover, I'm living in a universe where the inhabitants mainly eat the stuff!"
"That's half-true. But we also eat fruits and vegetables, just like you," Fluttershy explains. My daughter discards the dirty tissue into a tiny waste bin next to her. "Though I'm sorry things turned out the way they did, especially right after your marvelous performance."
My shoulders slump as I hang my head low. "Yeah..." I say, discontented. "And here I thought I'd made a good impression, only for it to be squandered." I shuffle slightly to lay my back against the headboard. "But the mentioning of food is makin' me hungry all of a sudden."
Fluttershy giggles. "It's so funny that every time we talk about food, it makes you hungry." She rises from sitting on the floor and saunters toward the bedroom door. "I'll go boil some broccoli and cauliflower for you."
"That'd be terrific," I say with a grin. "What would I ever do without you?"
"You'd probably be rotting in a coffin," Fluttershy quips.
My lips curl up to a proud smile. "That's my girl."
As I lie back down, Fluttershy slowly cracks the bedroom door open to leave. She then squeaks in mild surprise. "Oh, Twilight? Didn't expect to see you here."
"Hi Fluttershy," Twilight cordially greets, unseen yet the sound of her voice is easily recognizable. "So is Rick in there?"
"Mhmm," Fluttershy loudly hums with a nod. "He's lying in bed. I was just about to go downstairs to brew him up a vegetable stew. He's still a little sick from what happened yesterday."
"And you've been giving him the herbs I brought from last night, right?" Twilight asks.
"Most certainly. They do seem to be working. Dad managed to sleep through the night without any incident," Fluttershy replies happily.
"Courtesy of Zecora," Twilight says, sounding glad. "His condition must only be minor if it's only vomiting, and him ready to eat something is also a good sign of recovery. Is it okay if I come in to see how he's doing?"
"Of course," says Fluttershy indulgently. "Perhaps seeing you will help brighten his mood. Poor thing can't even get out of bed until his tummy's all better."
My daughter steps aside and poking out the edge of the door is Twilight's purple head with a gentle smile. "Heeey Rick," Twilight says, the rest of her coming into view. I would have expected Twilight, what with her now being a princess, to have kept the tiara and golden shoes on. Nope. She's just as naked as every other pony.
Okay, I am not sure how I should feel from writing that last part down...
"So, um, did you enjoy the coronation buffet?" Twilight asks. There was reluctance in her tone when she asked that question, as she should since she is cognizant of what transpired yesterday.
I slightly sit back up, deadpanned. "Besides barfing the food I ate all over the floor? I had the time of my life," I answer with a hint of sarcasm.
Fluttershy continues moving out the door as Twilight carefully closes it behind. "Nopony knew about your allergy to hay, Rick."
"That makes two of us; I didn't know either until yesterday."
"However it may be," Twilight huffs, "it was purely unintended and accidental. Applejack felt really sorry for what happened. I even brought her and the girls here. Thought bringing you company might cheer you up a bit."
"Oh, so you brought the other girls here, too? While you're at it, why not we all have a sleepover! We can all wear make-up and prance around in our jammies and tell ghost stories!" I say, making silly hand gestures with an even stronger hint of sarcasm to which Twilight has noticed.
Twilight smirks. "Looks like somepony woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I think I'll have the girls come up once you've taken your medicine." Twilight then trots over to my side, her cheery expression slowly changing to that of sympathy. She lightly brushes my shoulder. "It's very unfortunate what happened to you back at Canterlot, Rick. Nopony should ever have had to go through that kind of embarrassment."
"You think?" I say, flatly as ever.
"Trust me, Rick: I've had my fair share of embarrassing moments long ways back. I know how it feels."
"I won't dismiss that you have. It's..." I pause to exhale a downhearted sigh. "It's just that I've been having the worst luck lately. I mean, things haven't been going my way, and I feel that every time something good does happen, bad luck smacks me in the face twofold." I shrug. "I'm not usually one to whine about my tribulations or failures since I've been taught that things just happen and that I'm supposed to roll with it."
"Again, that was the old you," Twilight reminds me. "You can't move forward to the future if you're stuck in the past. Remember our talk?"
I gently scratch the back of my neck. "Yeah, I remember," I mutter. "And you are right. Sometimes it's difficult to ignore the past, especially when there have been instances that have had an impact on you."
"I can relate," Twilight admits. "I mean, like you, I was so obsessed with studying indoors that I was an introvert myself. To some degree, anyway. I wasn't keen on the idea of making friends; I found it impertinent and kept to myself until my mentor heavily insisted I'd go out and make friends," Twilight explains. "So I do get where you're coming from, Rick."
I snort with half a smirk. "Heh. I can't help but think how strange it is that we have a couple of things in common..."
Twilight softly smiles. "Normally everypony does," she says matter-of-factly.
I chuckle, amused. "I mean, you're not wrong. It's, uh... What's the word..." I snap my fingers, brainstorming. "Oddly coincidental? I'll go with that."
Twilight raises a brow. "Oddly coincidental?"
I huff out a sigh with an annoyed frown. "Maybe I mean it as coincidentally odd. I don't know. My knowledge on word structuring isn't squarely up to par with yours."
"I understand what you are trying to say," Twilight says. "And if you need help, don't be hesitant to ask, Rick."
"Okay, yes, but getting back to what I am saying is that it's strange how you and I have a common ground for things like the violin or having the preference to stay indoors, you know."
"Why do you find that strange?" Twilight quizzes.
I hold my tongue seconds before replying. "Well, it should be obvious, right?" Twilight looks at me blankly. I sigh. "I find it strange because I wouldn't think that a pony-"
"That a pony has emotions? Capable of sapience?" Twilight interrupts. "Are you still comparing us to the ponies in your world?" I could vaguely sense that she is a bit bristled. Sense probably isn't needed when I can clearly read 'offended' written on her face.
"I've only been here for a month, Twilight," I say calmly and defensively. "While I may have had raised Fluttershy on Earth, it's still not that simple for me to... intimately bond outside my species? I hope I'm being clear enough."
Her expression seems to soften a little. "I suppose that is fair to say. I wouldn't expect any big changes within a month. We still haven't properly dated," Twilight states.
I smile gratefully with a sage nod. "I'm glad you can see it in my perspective," I say. However, that frown of Twilight's never left her. I breathe out another sigh. "I'll go ahead and say that I do apologize for offending you. It was never intentional." Twilight still has yet to say anything or remove that frown of hers, unappeased. I shake my head, knowing that I'm going to regret this...
"How about I massage your wings? Would that be enough?" I bribe.
Twilight's frown immediately vanishes upon those words. Complacent, she flutters up onto the bed and sits on my lap, unfolding her wings to their full extent. She peers over her shoulder with a smile that one can deem is slightly suggestive.
"When you get better, I'd also like for you to come down to my place and play the violin for me," Twilight says. "Then I'll forgive you."
Well, it's not like I can do anything about it as I am at fault for setting myself up for this...
"Remember to stay in bed after you take your medicine~" Twilight sing-songs as she gleefully trots out of the bedroom. She halts right at the threshold and spins around to look at me with a wide, satisfied grin. "And thanks for the massage!" she says cheerfully, twirling back around as she finally exits the bedroom.
I could only stare in traumatized silence. The whickering... The moaning... Oh the horror.
Here I am. Alone. Alone without a television to keep me entertained. Though I should have bit my tongue for saying I'm alone when a serpent-like creature with mismatched appendages crawls along the ceiling above me, head twisting around as his jaundiced yellow eyes gazes down at me. He wiggles his talons. I shake away my trauma and frown.
The interloper that is Discord crawls some more until he's directly above me. He then stands on the ceiling upright (although in this instance wouldn't it be 'downright'?) as his neck turns another one-hundred-eighty degrees until he's facing his front. The deity has a grandiose grin plastered on his upside-down face. I would have been concerned about his grin if not the fact that I'm shuddering from his bones audibly snapping, crackling, and popping earlier.
"Well hello, Rick," Discords begins ever so casually as he purposely ignores the face I'm making. "Tis not a fine morning we have here?"
I glare at him before laying down. "Not really in the mood, Discord," I grouchily say as I pull the covers over my stomach. "Can't you see I'm sort of unwell at the moment?"
"Ah, yes," Discord nods, stroking his unruly goatee. "The whole barfing incident at the buffet, as I heard recently."
"Typical you eavesdropped," I accuse.
"Such accusatory verbiage," says the spirit. He snaps and vanishes and instantly reappears right by my side in a flash, that smile of his still etched on his cheeky face. "I couldn't simply idle by while my poor, sad, depressed, miserable-"
"I get it!" I growl. "Why are you trying to make my life a living hell?"
Discord gasps. "I would never do such a thing! What kind of a friend do you take me for?"
"An ass," I reply wryly.
Discord clicks his tongue as he shakes his head in disappointment. "Is that anyway to treat your friends?"
"Only when they're being jerks," I grumble. "I appreciate the concerns," I say as I turn away from the spirit, yanking the blanket over my shoulder, "but right now I'm cranky from a bad wake up call. So if you want to be the friend you say you are, I suggest you leave me alone so I can rest until my daughter returns with my food."
Knowing how obviously stubborn Discord is trademarked to be, he arches over me like a bridge and we're face to face once more.
"Looks like somepony woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Discord notes as he snaps his talon. Bear traps, skunks, and barbed wire fences are scattered around the floor to where I'm facing. Leave it to Discord to literalize everything he says. He snaps and the hazards poof up in smoke.
"Isn't the first time I've been told that," I mutter. My stomach gurgles. I make a sudden grab for the bucket as precaution. The feeling, however, goes down south, and now I have the compulsion to expel something gassy. To avoid the embarrassment, I hold it in.
Discord frowns concernedly, to which I find suspicious. "My oh my. You look rather pale, my friend," he says. Discord snaps his talon and vanishes but returns a second later dressed in... a pink nurse's outfit, with high heels and a nurse's cap to boot. Seeing Discord -- a creature made up of different animal parts -- wearing that outfit very much qualifies as nightmare fuel for me. What's been seen cannot be unseen... "Come on, Rick. At least let me provide you service. Nothing would make me happier than help a friend in need," he says, giving a curtsey.
Now I'm really tempted to gouge my eyes out. And why did those last three words sound familiar?
I cross my arms and stare at him dubiously. I then pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh in exasperation. "Fine," I reply simply. "Maybe you can be useful and bring me-"
"Done!" Discord chimes as he snaps the digitals of his lion paw. A shot glass filled with water appears and floats before my very eyes.
I blink at the floating object, arching a brow. "Uh... Thanks," I say while making an uncertain reach for it. "Though I was actually going to-"
"Way ahead of you!" Discord interrupts me again, conjuring up an extra fluffy pillow that voluntarily tucks itself underneath my initial one. "Anything else you need?" Discord asks.
"Thanks..." I say, agitated. "But what I really want is-"
A very thick blanket appears and shrouds over me like a flying predator. Another heavy blanket layers over me and my mouth. Then another, and then another, to the point where I'm unable to budge or speak even. I squirm helplessly underneath my fabric prison.
"Is there anything else I can do?" Discord asks, filing his talons self-admirably. "How about another glass of water? Perhaps a massage? What about a sponge bath? Acupuncture? Or how about-"
I erupt into an explosive rage, throwing the covers off of me with every ounce of feverish strength. My whole face burns red that steam is actually belching out of my ears as I seethe at the deity.
"No! No! And hell no!" I bellow. I jump out of bed and stomp towards Discord with my arms flailing wildly in the air. "For the love of God just please get me my flippin' sauce! I swear you must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen!" I shout. "And I would castrate you, but it seems somebody has already beaten me to it! Is this how you get your sick kicks?!" I add.
I could hear frantic hoofsteps coming from outside the bedroom door. Fluttershy bursts through the door as her face is contorted with worry.
"I heard yelling! Is everything okay, Fath-" Fluttershy's mouth freezes as her eyes widen, aghast. She covers her mouth with a hoof and points at the draconequus' attire. "Discord? Wha... Just what are you doing here? And w-why are you wearing that?!"
Discord taps his digits together. "Well you see, Fluttershy," he coughs nervously, "I-I was-"
"You was torturing me is what you were doing!" I exclaim, accusing him with a pointing finger. My daughter gasps by this.
Fluttershy turns to the draconequus. "Is that true?" Fluttershy asks with scolding eyes. Discord shrugs.
"Well I wouldn't particularly say it was torture but-"
"Discord!" Fluttershy chastises.
Discord quickly holds his lion paw and talon up defensively. "Now, now, Fluttershy. I was merely trying to help! I thought I'd cater your father's wishes as gesture of goodwill. I mean, I am reformed aren't I?" Discord explains.
My daughter turns to me inquisitively. "Is that true, Father?" she asks.
"Initially," I respond, "but I haven't even asked one darn thing and he's been showering me with unnecessary things! All I wanted was one simple thing: and that was a jar of my special sauce." I gingerly rub the base of my forehead as I can feel a headache coming on.
"And is that also true?" Fluttershy inquires.
Discord hangs his head low, guilt-ridden, like a scolded child. He pauses before answering with a sigh. "Yes, it's true. Of course I asked for his permission first."
I cross my arms, glaring at the spirit incredulously. "You didn't ask me anything you liar! I said 'you could do something useful and bring me-' and that's when you started giving me this stuff I didn't ask for!" I said, breathing heavily. Fluttershy takes the air and hovers over to me, holding my hand.
"Now, Father," Fluttershy tuts, her soft voice assuaging my anger, "this temper isn't going to help you get any better, so why not just take a deep breath and lie back down in bed."
She rubs my hand placatingly. I stare at my daughter, then at the spirit, and back at her again. Soon I find myself simmering down once I've seen the imploring look on Fluttershy's face. I inhale through my nostrils deeply and blow out a collected sigh. Fluttershy beams and slowly guides me to her bed. I slide into bed as my beloved daughter pulls the sheets over me. She flies to the spirit, whispering something in his ear. Discord nods and shuffles toward me.
He doffs his nurse's cap, holding it across his chest, looking awfully remorseful. I roll my eyes. "I do apologize for my nuisance," Discord begins, his digits thumping on the cap. "I only wanted to show everypony that I'm not the tyrant I once was." The spirit looked to me with trembling lips and puppy dog eyes. "Do you think you can forgive me?"
I deadpan. I have a hunch this is all an act. Regardless, seeing as my daughter expects an answer out of me I roll my eyes and sigh begrudgingly. "I forgive you..." I drawl on the last word. Discord's lips literally swirl from a frown to a brightened smile, demeanor changed in an instant.
"Oh I just knew you had a heart in you!" Discord springs with glee. He slides out an x-ray monitor from offscreen and presents it in front of me, showing off my itty-bitty, shriveled heart. It then grows an umpteenth times it's size that it's breaking the borders of the x-ray monitor.
I'll give Discord pointers for the The Grinch reference.
"BUT," I add. "How about next time you don't wear that?" I point at his nurse's outfit. "Seriously, you make me want to throw up," I say with a cringe.
Why me? Why of all days to get sick it has to be Saturday, the most sacred day of the weekend?
When my daughter had finally brewed up the broccoli and cauliflower stew, she forgot that she had other matters to attend to -- like feeding the animals for instance -- so she assigned Pinkie Pie to deliver the soup. Sounds simple, right? Oh you'd be wrong. Observe.
"Soup's here, Ricky!" the 'Pink Menace' announces cheerfully, using the pet name which I abhor, as she balances a tray with the bowl of freshly-made soup and a small corked bottle atop of it on her head. It's striking how she can manage that without any difficulty in the slightest. Even more impressive since she's bouncing towards me. Not many people (and ponies, I guess) are talented at that. Though this shouldn't come as a shocker when we're talking about Pinkie Pie here. "But be careful! It's super-duper hot!" she adds.
"Pinkie, how many bloody times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" I ask, testily.
Pinkie Pie bounces along and carefully lays the tray on the nightstand right of me, answering with a jovial smile, "About over twenty times a week."
I stare at her, deadpanned. "That wasn't a serious question..." I say dryly.
"But you always sound serious. How can I tell when you're not?"
"Then let me tell you this: Did you know that the ponies on my planet can also talk?"
"Really?!" Pinkie Pie gasps.
"Of course not!"
"Could've fooled me," Pinkie Pie remarks.
I bring my hands over my face as I take a deep breath. Surely she can't be this asininely gullible. I guess I now know how Dexter must feel having to put up with his 'halfwit older sister'. Perhaps that's what's happening in my situation. Never thought I'd say this, but, I wish Discord would come back. Err. Then again, I think that would only double the trouble.
I'm not sure whether that was a Team Rocket reference or not.
I lower my hands slowly as I practice a calm demeanor, although a scowl nearly threatens to break out. "Anywho. Since you've delivered the soup, you can scram now." I first grab the corked bottle which contains a thick, mucky-green substance. As I uncork the bottle, I immediately retch from smelling the fetid fumes that visibly trail out of the bottle's opening. In one quick motion, I wrap my lips around the opening and chug it straight down my throat so my tastebuds can live another day.
Fucking disgusting...
When I place the bottle back onto the tray, I proceed to reach for the bowl. I stop midway and notice Pinkie Pie is still here standing at the end of the bed. She just stands there and continually stares at me. I clear my throat.
"You can go on your way now. I've no more assistance needed." I carefully grab hold of the bowl as it is mildly hot to the touch. Taking a slight sip, the pink pony hops to my side.
"But Fluttershy told me to stick around and chat for a bit. She said that you'd probably appreciate talking with somepony."
My eyes abruptly snap wide open as I do a spit take, spewing bits of vegetables across the blanket. "What?!" I cough, still trying to swallow what's left of the soup in my mouth. "M-maybe you misheard her or something," I shakily say.
"Nope!" Pinkie Pie beams, shaking her head. "No mistake about it!"
Everything dips into total silence.
I continually look beyond, mind blank as my trembling hands place the bowl back onto the platter. Just... Why? Why am I being unjustly punished for this shit? Why, universe? Why must you be so merciless? Y'know what, though, screw it. I'm a freakin' man. I've dealt things far worse than this. If the universe wants to play rough, then let's have a go at it.
Collecting my cool, I turn to the pony as I force a smile. "Well, that's thoughtful of my daughter," I calmly remark. "So, what exactly is it that you want to talk about? Maybe you got some jokes to help make me feel better?" I ask with hidden resentment in that last sentence.
The pony's smile brightens further, evident that I must've hit jackpot with that question.
"You bet I have jokes!" Pinkie exclaims excitedly as she performs a joyful bounce in the air. "I have so many jokes that'll surely knock your socks off! ...Unless you're not wearing socks? Then again, you're in bed so I guess it'd be kinda weird sleeping with socks on. Or maybe it's because-" thus Pinkie Pie begins prattling on and on about sleeping with socks. Meanwhile, I'm just angrily rubbing my temples.
In the middle of her pointless prattle, I muster the patience of a saint as I clear my throat. "I don't mean to be a bother, but weren't you just about to tell me some jokes?" I ask with gritted teeth.
"Oh, right!" Pinkie Pie lightly gasps. "Silly me!" She then starts humming in deep thought, presumably thinking some way to start. Thusly, a dim light bulb appears over her head. In a few short seconds, the bulb lights up. "Ooh! Ooh! This one should tickle your funny bone!" Yeah, we'll see about that... "So what do you call an alligator in a vest?"
Apathetic, I shrug. "I don't know," I answer flatly, "what do you call an alligator in a vest?"
"An 'Investigator'!"
After... that, there is a brief moment of silence. The corner of my lip twitches, as the joke has made little of an impact. Still, I have to admit that the joke was kind of clever. "So, what else ya got?" I ask.
Pinkie Pie's grin stretches further, knowing her first joke has barely dented the surface. "Okay!" She begins, rubbing her hooves together. "Let's see if you can handle this:
"Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?"
I perk a faint smile competitively, accepting the pink mare's challenge. "No, I haven't heard. What happened in the race between the lettuce and the tomato?"
"The lettuce was a 'head' and the tomato was trying to 'ketchup'!"
Once again another brief moment of silence has taken over. Once my brain has registered the joke, I titter. Huh. Guess this isn't as bad as I thought it'd be.
"Oh!" Pinkie Pie said, "This one's a classic: What is the best day to go to the beach?"
"I don't know," I play along with a bit of enthusiasm. "What is the best day to go to the beach?"
"Sunday, of course!"
Indeed classic. While that isn't as 'funny' as the last two, it still got me to crack a smile. I give it some thought. "Say, since we're telling jokes here, why not I tell one myself?"
Pinkie Pie's jaw drops as she fixes me with an incredulous stare as if my words were news to her. "You? Telling a joke?! You never told any jokes ever since you came here! Why all of a sudden?"
"Well... maybe I'm sort of in a good mood right now," I reply with a grin.
"But you're grumpy most of the time." I'm mostly grumpy whenever I'm around you... Even this is a shocker for me. "Are... are my jokes making you happy?"
I scratch my face, looking distantly in the other direction. "Mmm. You could say that" I vaguely admit. I did hate to admit it, but I am having, dare I say the word, fun. And with Pinkie Pie? That's hard to believe. The pink pony starts to vibrate, almost like she's going to explode with unadulterated excitement. "Whoa-whoa-whoa! Let's just stay calm here, Pinkie. At least celebrate after I tell my joke, okay?" I ask to settle her down.
"O-okay!" Pinkie Pie lightly nods. Her lips are trembling as she does her best to contain her excitement. Even her damn pupils are sparkling. Sheesh. Never have I seen her this happy.
I slowly inhale to prepare for my turn of a joke. "Say, is your refrigerator running?"
"Of course it is, silly!" Pinkie Pie innocently responds.
"Then you better go catch it!" I holler.
At this, Pinkie Pie gasps. "Oh my gosh! I better hurry!" With that, the pink pony zips out of the room like the Flash.
I reach an arm out to stop her. "Wait!" I shout, "I didn't mean it literally!"
Well... Shit.
That fun sure was short-lived... I mean, I was certain Pinkie Pie knew by then that it was meant to be a joke. Go figure she took me seriously, again. Meh. Guess there's always something else to do to get by, such as having a normal conversation with Twilight. Normal... Huh. Maybe that's an understatement-slash-exaggeration.
Because everything that's happened is surreal than anything I've ever experienced and would be out of the norm.
So I engaged by asking Twilight if there were, ahem, "realms" of either paradise or torment and oddly enough they in fact have such things. Twilight elaborated that their interpretation of "hell" is this place called Tartarus, and frankly it exists here under their soil... Well, sort of. But of course, when Twilight goes nerd mode -- my rendition of technobabble -- I might as well just keep 'Mhmm'ing' and nodding as I have no bloody clue what some of the words coming out of her mouth meant.
There are some days that I have a short memory span, okay? I am human, after all. And by God should it remain that way.
"And it's been recorded that Tartarus actually was-" Twilight holds her breath as I yawn out of boredom. She quirks a brow, annoyed. "Is there something you want to add, Rick?"
"It's freakin' boring here!" I whine, arms crossing. "Why do I have to skip out on the most sacred day of days? This is bull honky!"
"First of all, I don't have the slightest idea what 'bull honky' is. And second, you're ill and need to rest until Zecora's medicine does its job," Twilight scolds. "Didn't you humans have anything that passes the time? Say, board games for an example."
"Ugh, yes," I groan, "but there is a viable reason as to why they're called board games."
"Why?" Twilight quizzes.
"Because they're boring!" I proclaim with a pun. I then plop my head back onto the pillow. Twilight, from the end of the bed, ambles to my left side as she drags a small wooden stool with her sparkling magic.
"Well resting in bed doing nothing isn't going to liven things up around here," Twilight says dryly as she sits down.
"That's correct," I point out. "So if it's okay with you, why not we talk about something regarding one of my interests?"
Twilight raises a curious brow. "Oh, and perhaps what sort of subject from your universe are we going to talk about?" She queries with enthusiasm.
"Hobbies," I simply reply.
"Hobbies, huh?" Twilight muses, stroking her chin. "What sort of leisure activity did you enjoy the most?
Leisure activity? What am I speaking to, a dictionary? In any case, I slowly sit upright, my lips stretching to a childish smile. "Video games!" I answer brightly. At that, Twilight's expression sort of changes into confusion. "I'll take your silence as a sign you have no idea what video games are?"
"You're smarter than you let on," Twilight teases. Okay. I guess I could chalk one point on her board for this round.
"Very funny..." I drawl. "Anyway. When I used to be, uh, eight years old my foster father took me around town in his car. He was doing his errands or whatever, and promised me if I behaved he'd give me five dollars in quarters to spend at the arcade." Here Twilight pauses me with her waving hoof.
"As I recall from our previous discussions, dollars are your world's currency, correct?" She asks. I nodded.
"Yes. As I was saying: if I promised to behave he'd give me money for the arcade. At first, I didn't know what an arcade was; I genuinely thought it was some sort of dessert." There I evoke a giggle out of Twilight. "So I behaved throughout the whole drive. As promised, we stopped at the 'arcade'. The building itself wasn't large from the outside, because we were out in some small town. I can't quite remember what it was called. Regardless, the building wasn't big from the outside, but when I gazed at the open entrance you couldn't see the end of the interior! It was filled with these tall, box-shaped machines with colorful screens on them and stuff!"
"Similar to those television sets we talked before?" Twilight recalls.
"Very much so, but mainly designed for gaming. You see they're slightly taller so that people can stand and play. They have these colored buttons which vary between blue, yellow, red and white, with one or several joysticks depending on the game, those are mainly called the controls. The controls are used to operate the game-slash-characters. Imagine that the minute I walked in there with a plastic bag full of five dollars worth of quarters, I found my calling." Twilight slightly widens her eyes.
"Wow. That definitely sounds-"
"Awesome. Yes, I know," I finish for her, even though that might not be what she was going to say. "Not to mention that back then arcade machines were just one measly quarter per play. So throughout half the day, I spent the entire five dollars playing arcade games: Pacman, Galaxia, Centipede, TMNT and so on!"
"TMNT?"
"Acronym for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."
"Strange, but continue," Twilight says, flicking her hoof. I continue.
"Street Fighter. Oh, and my all-time favorite: Donkey Kong!"
Twilight stifles a giggle once more. She lays her hoof on my forearm, smiling. "Oh, Rick. You sound very much like me when I discover something extraordinaire." I smile back.
"Oh, it was much more than extraordinaire. Video games were a major part of my adolescence!"
"Must have been such a life-changing experience," Twilight admires. "Too bad I won't get to have that kind of experience."
"Actually..." I begin. "You might have that chance."
Twilight looks at me, perplexed. "Huh? What do you mean?"
"I'll show you. Better than explaining," I say as I push the comforter off of me. I shift towards the bedside opposite of Twilight and stand on my two feet. The alicorn immediately hops off the stool, rushing around the bed to get in front of me.
"Hold on, mister! You need to lie back down. You're still not feeling well," Twilight orders.
I wave at her dismissively. "It's no big deal. I'm only going to duck under the bed to fetch-"
"No," Twilight cuts me off, adamantly, with those stern eyes of hers. "I'll go get whatever it is. You need to lie down and rest."
Hate to say it but Twilight sure has some intimidation in that tone. Including that glare. Comparison to Rainbow Dash's, I'd say Twilight beats hers by a mile.
Nonchalantly, I hold my hands up and comply. "Alright, alright," I sigh. "No point arguing about it." I sit back down while Twilight, smiling triumphantly, ducks underneath the bed. "In case you're looking for something specific, there should be a suitcase down there. It should have my personal belongings."
I could hear something spark, presumably Twilight's horn. In seconds she pops back up with my said suitcase in her telekinetic hold.
"This suitcase?" asks Twilight, showing me the object. I nod. The suitcase gently lands on the bed with a 'pomf'. The alicorn gets back on the stool and scoots closer. "So what's the deal about the suitcase?"
Her question unanswered, I snap open the suitcase and pull out the cluttered mess of wrinkly shirts. Hey, it's not like I tried. I'm just a bit lazy when it comes to folding clothes. Minute later, I find my prize. I pause to keep the suspense. Seeing Twilight's eagerness, I finally pull out the... Wait for it.
The sound when Link from The Legend of Zelda opening a chest and taking the item plays inside my head.
"W-what is it?" asks the puzzled mare.
"What is it?" I parrot, wiggling the grey "contraption" in front of her. It's almost bigger than my hand, with two matching dark purple buttons, a 'start' and 'select' button side to side at the front's bottom, a directional pad, and finally the blank, green monitor screen. "This, m'lady, is the original Game Boy. Made by Nintendo!"
"Game... Boy?"
"Game Boy," I repeat. "What was considered the ultimate mobile gaming machine. In my opinion, at least."
"Game Boy..." Twilight mutters as her eyes examine it. She rubs her chin, making thoughtful hums to herself. She then shrugs. "I don't get it."
"It's easy," I say, "all you have to do is hold it with both hands, like so, and with the magic touch of an index finger..."
I slither my left hand's index finger at the top left corner of the device. In just one flick, the red light left of the screen lights up. Awesome, the batteries still have juice left in them. The device blips as letters depicting Game Boy slowly scroll down from the top of the screen and stops right at the center with the famous 'Ding!' sound.
Lips curving into a giddy smile, I sigh nostalgically. "Never gets old." I turn to the alicorn and see her leaning very close, her eyes widening in pure bewilderment mixed with astonishment. "Just a second," I say as I dive my right hand into the suitcase again, "thing won't work until I put a cartridge in."
"Cartridge?"
I don't say anything until I fish out two thin, tiny square-shaped cartridges: one with the bloody color of red whilst the other with grey much like the Game Boy, thin enough to slide into the empty slot located on the back of the Game Boy. On the front of one has the title Super Mario Land whilst the other one is Pokemon Red Version. Yes, thee first and original red version.
First I turn the thing off so I could properly boot up Super Mario Land. I insert the game, flick the switch once more, the logo dings, and finally, the game boots up.
"And we are online," I say, smirking.
Twilight keeps gazing at the Game Boy, dumbfounded. I thought for a second that her entire brain might have either flew into space or exploded. Maybe it did both. I don't know. She's totally gawking at it. When I turn it off, she blinks.
"W-wha? Why aren't you going to play it?" Twilight asks, disappointed.
"Because I'm sorta not in the mood to play it right at this moment. Second, I don't want to drain the batteries. I only have a limited number of them."
"Well then why did you bring it along?"
"Are you kidding?!" I look at her in disbelief. "This is one of the most prized and cherishing possessions I've had since I was little. I treat it like how you treat your Smarty Pants doll."
Twilight's purple cheeks blush red. "You've made your point. But what will you do with it now?"
"Well, what do you mean? I brought this out so I can show it to you. If you want, and only this once, I can let you have it for today."
Twilight blinks again. Twice. "Wait, wait, wait. W-what? Are you sure you want to? You did say it's one of your most prized items, after all!" she protests.
"You did say you wanted to have the experience. I'd say this thing here," I wiggle the Game Boy in my hand, "is your golden opportunity." I shrug. "Besides, I trust you completely. If there's any... pony," I internally sneer at the use of the word, "out there who's incredibly smart and loves to try things first... hoof, that pony would be you."
"Why, Rick, I-"
I plant a finger on her lips. "No. There's nothing else that needs to be said. Just go ahead and take it." I take away my finger and offer her the hand-held device.
Twilight ponders for a moment, her eyes shifting from me to the device back and forth. Smiling, she happily seizes the device with her magic.
"Thank you, Rick. I swear to you that you'll have it by tomorrow." Twilight then leans in and smooches the left side of my face. It catches me off guard at first, but I incline on the idea that it's a gesture of appreciation. She then gets off the stool and goes out the door.
Me? Nah, I'm not too worried. She's Twilight. Who else would be more careful with priceless artifacts? Possibly nothing bad could happen... With her...
Maybe I should've thought this ahead before giving it to her.
I'm standing in front of the floor mirror, inspecting the small flab of fat on my stomach with my hands. There's not much but still has me concerned on how I quickly gained a few pounds. And to those inquiring about where I acquired such a mirror, I found it in Fluttershy's attic. No, I'm not yanking anyone's chain. Fluttershy has an attic. When I had discovered this, I had to inquire why she never mentioned it before. She indeed admitted she had one. I asked if she had been up there before. Again she admitted it but said it was her last visit. Her reason was this:
"It's too dark and scary."
Hahaha. That never gets old.
Back to the matter.
I'm standing in front of the mirror, even when not too long ago was I ordered to lie down and get some rest. You could say that I'm quite the defiant kind of guy. I am feeling slightly better, thanks to the medicine I drank earlier. Perhaps one day I'd get to meet this "Zecora" in person. If this- uh- Zebra? I believe that's what Twilight described. If this zebra knows her thing about plants, then maybe I should ask if she also knows some "herbs" that I can have for... "health problems". Sure, let's roll with that.
Meanwhile, seeing through the mirror's reflection, Applejack and Rarity trot into the bedroom side-by-side.
"So that thingamajig Twilight showed us downstairs, is it some sort of alien contraption?" Applejack asks.
"It's called a Game Boy, for your information," I correct her as I moved on examining my face. A little bit of softness there, but it warranted a vow to lay off the sweets.
"What a peculiar name for a peculiar thing," Rarity comments.
I frown, but not because of Rarity's statement. "There a reason why you both are here?" I ask in a bitter tone.
"Ah wanted to meet ya face to face so Ah can say that Ah'm terribly sorry for what happened," Applejack apologizes as she doffs her hat.
"And there's no need to be rude, Darling," Rarity butts in. "Applejack here is genuinely sorry for that..." She then makes a face. "That horrible incident. I was terribly afraid some of it might have gotten on my dress!" Noticing my glare from the mirror, she quickly adds, "A-and I'm truly sorry about your suit, too, deary! It was such a fabulous outfit."
An action so abrupt, I spin around and my eyes glare harder- so hard that Rarity could feel it piercing through her soul (if it hasn't already jumped out from my sudden movement). I close my eyes and puff out an exasperated sigh. "It's fine, it's fine. Let us be thankful that I didn't DIE out of embarrassment. A moment where I could've made a huge first impression to the public. Instead that sail sunk, because now I will be remembered as 'that guy who vomited everywhere' kind of guy. The worst of it, though? Some poor bystander somehow got caught in the midst of that bile. Because of that, that poor soul also vomited across the floor. Everypony then had to evacuate the buffet to avoid any further catastrophes.
"In other words: your stupid pie ruined that moment!"
Applejack and Rarity look away, their ears fold against their head in shame. Seeing the two looking down at the floor with sad faces, I take a moment to think that I might have lashed out at them too harshly. I sigh once more. "Look, I didn't mean to take my anger out on you two. I'm just sort of upset about the whole thing."
The two ponies glance back at me, beaming weak smiles.
"We understand transparently, and we're very sorry about that," Rarity consoles.
Applejack dons her hat as she makes a step forth. "So whaddya say, Rick, should we let bygones be bygones?"
"Well..." I begin, stroking my chin thoroughly. Ugh, even my chin feels a tad pudgy. I definitely am thinking about cutting off the sweets. I know I said it before, but this time I mean it. But before I make the resolution, I think this was my golden opportunity for one last dessert. "I suppose," I say with a sly smile, "IF you bring me, say..." I tap my fingers, "a slice of one of your freshly made apple pies, I'll accept your apology. With no hay, though!" I quickly add.
What? Can't a guy bargain over an apology?
Applejack hums and itches her chin with the base of her forehoof. "Ah suppose Ah do owe ya one," she murmurs. She then promptly nods. "Consider it a deal, then." I flash the farmer a grateful smile.
"Splendid," I say. I begin sauntering over to give the pony a handshake but immediately stop dead when my vision starts to blur. The entire room is warping, my legs tingling, as numbness slowly courses through every nerve as my balance gradually becomes unstable.
"Ya all right, Rick?" Applejack asks concernedly, a distorted frown on her face, much as I could discern from my contorting vision.
Rarity's lips are moving, but the sound of her voice is being drowned out by the ringing in my ears.
I rapidly blink in hopes it would help. Alas, it doesn't. Instead, it somehow has given me a throbbing, massive headache. It feels as if there is a person pounding away at my skull with a hammer. The pain is unbearable. Soon the entire world in front me begins to spin and shortly later my whole vision falls into darkness.
But honey. Isn't taking a child out to the woods for shooting kind of irresponsible? You know he's too young to be handling firearms.
Quit your bellyaching. My dad taught me how to shoot when I was the boy's age, and we've gone out there every week for over ten years. I know the forest like the back of my hand. I'll make sure we return home safe and sound.
Well... Okay. Just don't run into any psychopaths flailing machetes around while you're out there. Okay?
Ahaha. Hun, you watch too many horror movies!
Ah, darkness. Whether one falls unconscious or stands in an unlit room, or when the sun goes down, or when one closes his or her eyes; a rather familiar acquaintance, is it not?
It's an uneasy feeling: being surrounded by pitch blackness, unable to speak or budge a single muscle. Should one be in this state — should one be obligated to speculate that this may be the result of, daresay, death? And that this void could only mean they're in purgatory.
In this void all I could do is idle by- nobody to see, nobody to talk to. There is no heat, nor is there coolness. Just plain nothingness.
A ball of light appears, far across the invisible horizon from where I'm standing. I urge to move forward. Surprisingly, the distance between me and the light is thinning. It's almost like my body is moving on its own free will. That or the orb is coming towards me.
The latter sounds more plausible.
I'm able to distinguish something within the luminescence. It's a lily. It has a stem, with a buttery-yellow color. The petals, however, are that of light pink with white trimmed edges. It hit me: this flower bears the same colors as my dear Shy. Even when I want to feel confused, I couldn't. This forsaken void deprives me of expressing emotions.
At this very moment, though, my whole being begins to form, like something from a fantasy movie; first is my hand as small bits of dust swirl around and connect themselves little by little. Slowly, but surely, the fingers start coming into view. Then my hand, and all the way down from my arm down to my shoulder. There, it stops, leaving only my right arm to be exposed. Despite whatever happened, I still couldn't feel anything.
Though with an arm, I proceed to reach for the flower. The light surrounding it envelopes my hand. Suddenly warmth rushes through it. It feels... soothing. Not to my hand but directly to my soul. It is as if this flower represents my daughter, showering me with great affection.
As I continue reaching out to touch it, the light disperses in an abrupt manner. The glowing warmth I felt also dissipates at that same time, and the lily's colors melt away into a gooey puddle, leaving it completely monotonously-grey. Its petals shrivel up, falling off one by one, with the stem tumbling over, almost like I am somehow draining its life away.
I retract my hand as I am unable to comprehend why this has occurred.
I'm slowly coming to, with incoherent voices drumming against my ears. Oh God, my freakin' head. Seconds of gaining consciousness am I already having another headache; this aching pain is driving my nerves crazy, and whoever's talking is only making it worse. I feel nauseous, but with reserved mental strength, I steadily open my eyes. I see that I'm back on the bed, nerves tingling just by making the slightest movement. I blink twice to clear my vision, and here I swear to myself that I must be in heaven for I see two winged angels before my naked eyes: one that is purple to my right and one that is yellow to my left.
I blink one more time. The angels disappear, and in their place are ponies instead: one being a worried yellow pegasus, whose eyes are glossed with tears. This is, without a doubt, my dear Shy.
And then there's an angry purple alicorn. This is, without a doubt, someone who's about to scold the shit out of me.
I slowly raise my head up with a faint smile, "Are you two my guardian angels?" I question wittily. I supposed to myself that that remark wasn't quite the best to lighten the mood. My daughter lunges herself at me, wrapping her hooves around my neck almost vice-like that I wheeze.
Fluttershy croaks through sobs, tightening her grip as she does so, "I thought something terrible had happened to you! You had me so worried!"
"Fluttershy!" Twilight begins. "We're supposed to be angry at him! Must I remind everypony that he disregarded my instructions?"
As I weakly struggled for release, my daughter looked back at Twilight, unknowingly strangling me breathless. By the time my head flushes red as a beet, Fluttershy snaps her attention back to me. With a small yelp, she releases her hold and I immediately gasp deeply for oxygen. I hack a couple of times before being able to speak.
"But I-" I let out another cough. I clear my throat, but before I could explain any further Twilight cuts me off.
"But nothing! I thought I specifically told you to lay down and get some rest," Twilight reprimands, she then starts pacing left and right (from my perspective, obviously). "When we heard that loud thud from downstairs, we rushed upstairs to find out what had happened." She ceases her pacing. She throws her hooves on the foot of the bed and stands up on her hind legs so her eyes can meet mine. Her visage of anger slowly fades into one of worry. "As we entered the room, we saw you flat on the floor face down.
"You weren't responding to either mine or Fluttershy's calls. We thought of the worst..." Beady tears form on the corners of her eyes. Her doleful expression suddenly turns to mild anger, matching her tone, "Though when Rarity and Applejack told me you were standing up looking at the mirror, I was furious- Furious because you ignored to do what I told you to do," Twilight says as she points a hoof at me.
I gesture both hands as a means of calming her down with an anxious grin on my face. "Now, now. No reason to overreact-"
"Overreact?!" Twilight hollers. I flinch and lower my hands, realizing that overreact might have been the wrong term to use. Maybe. I don't know. All I could say in my defense is that this headache is intervening my focus. "Rick, there's a solid reason why Zecora was serious about this medicine. Its healing properties are profound, and like many types of medicine, it has its side effects that include: numbing, nausea and weariness. Any exertion during the digestion process will trigger these symptoms.
"Rick," Twilight says, ambling up to my side, her anger diminishing as she places a gentle hoof on my arm, "I'm mad not just because you're ignorant, but it is because I care about you; me, my friends, and Fluttershy care about you." The mare rubs her hoof on my arm. Something in my heart ticks. It's a familiar feeling, and it is making me feel more guilty for my ignorance. "So do you understand?"
I fight the urge to look yet for the life of me, I couldn't. I turn to stare deep into her shiny, lavender eyes. Inside there was that spark, just like before when I first saw them. I bring my other hand and caress the fur of her foreleg. Her worried frown disappears as a warm smile takes its place. My comprehension has wrought reassurance to her. Even my dear Shy shares the same relaxed expression.
I match their smiles with my own and say to the alicorn with sincerity, "I... I'm sorry. I just thought it wasn't a big deal. But clearly I was stupid enough not to know any better."
"It's fine, Rick," Twilight reassures. "I'm just glad that you're all right. Just... Please rest."
With that, Twilight is the first to head out of the room, with Fluttershy following suit. Right before Fluttershy goes out the door, she turns around. "Rest well, Father." I nod.
"I will," I reply.
"I love you, Father," Fluttershy coos as she closes the door behind her.
I lay on my right side as I pull the comforter over me, whispering, "And I love you, too, my dear Shy."
I had undisturbed sleep throughout the rest of the day like Twilight told me to. I must admit, it worked like a charm. I woke up hours later right when night came and found myself a bit healthier than I was before. I didn't feel completely better, however, so I stayed in bed for precautious reasons. I had asked of Fluttershy if she were to retrieve my journal so I could write down a short log in my journal, which she did so and later had gone to the bathroom.
I am grateful for how loving and kind she is. Well, kindness is in her nature. Her element, in fact. Sure she can be naïve and at times act timid, but that is what makes me fond of her. There's nobody I knew on Earth that could level her kindness. I mean, of course there's nobody I knew that could since I never met anybody or knew anybody. I guess that's not entirely true. There was one person, and that was Tina.
Tina... I've always wondered how she was doing back on Earth. It must have been thirty years there since I've been here for, what, a month? She probably has wrinkles by now. Heck, how do I even know if she's still alive? On second thought, I don't know why I'd think that. She has to be, considering that she was in her twenties.
I still have memories of our last phone call. She sounded really upset over me leaving. To be honest, when she confessed her love to me, I almost hesitated on going. Yes, it pricked my heart a little, but it ached more for my dear Shy. I'm very sorry, Tina. I've already made my decision, and I wish not to dwell on this any further.
Oh! I forgot to mention that as soon as I recover, Fluttershy plans on taking me to the market for necessity shopping. That's how I called it, anyway. I was overjoyed because there's nothing I like more than to spend some quality time with my amazing-
I stop writing, tapping the feathery tip of the quill pen on my chin.
'No, no. Uh... How about...'
Beautiful-
I stop again as a frustrated groan rumbles from my throat.
'No, that's not it.'
I struck the pen on the paper again, eyes squinted in pure concentration.
Spectacular-
No! Dammit! How hard is it to remember one simple word? This is why I always write at the desk. I always preferred the desk. It's my 'thinking space'. Just like how people use the toilet as their thinking space. Don't question me on why. But on the bed I'm completely... My face then lights up.
'Wonderful! That's what I'm looking for!'
It's rather a shame for the wasted space. I've always bickered my other half to use a pencil, that way I can at least undo my mistakes.
Anyways. I was greatly looking forward spending some quality time with my wonderful daughter. It'd be a nice change of pace. I also need to remember that I have to visit Twilight for our first date, considering that we had to postpone it for an obvious reason. That, and my promise to play the violin for her...
I'll come clean: I never liked playing the violin. Nor did I enjoy the lessons when I was young.
In addition to the list of tribulations I've explained before, my hate for the violin started when my foster mother enjoined me to do a solo at a community talent show or something when I was probably around sixteen years old. Of course I inveighed against the proposition to perform on a stage in front of so many people I never met or cared for. My foster mother didn't take the response... well. She escalated it to a point where I was coerced, meaning that if I didn't do as she said I'd be stripped the privilege to gaming until I'd reach adulthood. In other words: until I'd become eighteen.
So what did I do? I did what I was told. And what happened afterwards? I ended up wetting myself. Not only was I abashed but I also became a laughingstock. My foster parents were utterly embarrassed and even reproached me while we drove back home. Ever since that uneventful day, I never wanted to play the violin again. If it weren't for Ditzy and Dinky's motivational push back at the buffet, I would have 'Arriba'd' out of there like Speedy Gonzales.
No matter how much I wanted to smash that cursed violin into millions of pieces, I didn't have the heart to do it; I didn't want to relive the moment where I have disappointed everyone; I didn't want my daughter to be disappointed in me.
It was after that performance, and when all those ponies gave me their applause, I had this strange sense of... Pride, was it? Or was it accomplishment like Rarity stated? It's that kind of feeling where one of the holes inside your heart has been filled. It's difficult to come up with the best word or phrase for it. It might come to me eventually. I don't know.
After punching the period at the end of my log, I put the quill back in the Inkwell and close the journal with a THAP! right as Fluttershy enters the room, her figure barely visible at the penumbra of candlelight.
"Done writing, Father?" Fluttershy asks quietly, tip-hoofing over to the bed.
"Yes," I reply evenly as quiet. I pull the nightstand's drawer open right of me, stash the journal inside, and close it with diligence.
Instead of fluttering to get on the bed, Fluttershy climbs up on it. Poor girl must be awfully tired. She crawls further up and nestles right beside me, resting her head on the other pillow. Her mouth opens to let out a squeaky yawn. Her cute, contagious yawn causes me to yawn as well.
I lean over to snuff out the candle's flame with a whistling blow, and the whole room instantly succumbs to utter darkness. I stretch both arms to grab the edge of the comforter and slide it over our bodies as I lean backward. As I fully lay down, Fluttershy shifts herself closer toward me. I can feel her muzzle bury itself between my neck and shoulder as she rests a foreleg across my chest. I stifle a chuckle.
"I'm not bothering you, am I?" Fluttershy whispers.
I smile as I brush her foreleg fondly. "No. Not at all," I whisper reassuringly.
"I love you. Goodnight, Father."
Her breathing grows steady before she falls asleep.
I close my eyes, whispering, "Love you too," before I fall asleep myself.
Fluttershy's entire bedroom is eerily dark and still as the shutters are locked shut with her door firmly closed. There is nothing but unadulterated silence, like an abandoned playground save for the intermittent groans of the wooden floors and scratching of mice behind the walls. Other than that, it is pure bliss. I sleep soundly underneath the comforters, relishing the peace this place usually rejects.
Much as I wanted to stay in bed and enjoy this tranquility just a tad longer, today beckons me to rise from my slumber for it tells me that my daughter and I shall go shopping together. Thoughts of bonding with my dear Shy enliven me that I snap my eyes open and kick the sheets off of me. I quickly rise up with sudden energy I never knew I had, which must mean that the medicine has done its job that I don't feel drowsy one bit; I feel so vivid and alive that I could take on the entire world. And to be honest, this feeling is bucking awesome.
...
Wait.
Did I seriously just use 'bucking' as an Equestrian term for...
Bah, who flippin' cares. I'm pumped like an excited toddler waking up on Christmas morning. I spring out of bed in my valentine-hearts boxer shorts and immediately head straight for the shutters first. I draw them open to see the sun climbing over a jagged teeth of snow-capped mountains as the sky alters from purplish to a tinge of bluish hue. My nose catches the wafting smell of crisp morning air as I look beyond:
Celestia's fiery star ascends further, its incandescent light touching everything in its wake; the dew scattered across the grassy plains glitter like bits of polished diamonds; creatures of the night retreat to the safety of their dens; pegasi soar through the sky and buck every cloud away with their magically-gifted purpose to do so.
I take a deep breath, appreciating the scenery staged before me. This backwater town sure knows how to make a perfect Sunday. I close the shutters and begin to prepare my own morning ritual.
I face the bed and kneel to pull the suitcase from underneath. I click it open and pull out a pair of blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a pair of unmatched white socks. The reason they're unmatched... Well... Remember back when I was packing for the trip to Equestria? I guess I wasn't paying the slightest attention when it came to packing the socks. One sock here has a red trim at the toe and heel area, while the other has blue trim only at the toe area. Then again, it hardly matters. I mean, nobody's going to know what socks you're wearing while wearing shoes.
I sling the t-shirt and jeans over my shoulder as I walk for the bathroom at a slow pace. I have noticed that my dear Shy was nowhere to be found earlier and I hunched that she's already gone through her own morning ritual before I did. Given that she's planned on going shopping in the morning, I surmise that she's feeding the animals beforeha- beforehoof. I've been here for a month, alright? I'm still not quite customed to using Equestrian language or literature, despite what has been said not too long ago.
I approach the bathroom door and stop to notice that it is cracked open. Normally the rules are that whenever the door's open, nobody should be occupying, especially when there's multiple people in the house (counting Angel, I suppose). Sounds of rushing water can be heard from inside, evidently hot by the steam flowing through the crack.
I rap on the door with my index finger's knuckle, yelling softly, "Fluttershy, you in there?" No response. I knock harder to see if that got her attention. Still nothing. "Fluttershy?" I call her name in a louder volume. Then there comes the reply, but coming from downstairs.
"Yes, Father?" Fluttershy answers.
"Were you in the bathroom recently?" I quiz.
"About forty minutes ago. Why?"
"I ask because the bathroom door is cracked open and the water's running, and I just woke up."
"Oh. I'm terribly sorry, Father, I don't know how or why but could you turn it off for me, please?"
"Sure thing!"
Without any hesitance, I push the door wide open. The entire lavatory is shrouded in hot mist. I examine the area, and, to my bewilderment, I can hear somebody humming. In my mind I ask myself who other than Fluttershy and I live in this household? As if I had to ask. It had to be Discord, definitely. Though the most peculiar thing is: the hummer sounds pretty feminine. And we all are incredibly aware that Discord is far from feminine.
Here I become more confused than before. If it isn't Discord, then who the hell is in the shower? An intruder, perhaps? No. Come on, Rick, don't be stupid. What kind of person breaks into a house not their own and takes a shower? I mean, it's farfetched but not entirely implausible. Would you believe me if I said that one of my co-workers back on Earth had their house broken into by window and that nothing was missing, later to find out there was a turd in the toilet? Like, wow. I don't know about you, but whoever the mysterious shitter was had to have been pretty desperate. Maybe they had Taco Bell?
Anyway. I am holding on to the very possibility that this could be one of Discord's dastardly pranks. But I'm still not that too certain on the matter.
To get to the bottom of this, I carefully lay the pants and shirt on the corner of the sink's counter and crouch low. I creep towards the tub so as to not alarm the interloper. The female in the shower continues humming, unaware of my presence it seems. My heartbeat pounds faster by each step. I can see the silhouette of the distinctive figure through the shower's curtain.
Okay, so there's the slender legs. The arms... Long hair... A-and... Boobs?!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you just say boobs? my brain says incredulously.
Of all the timing...
'Now's not the damn time, brain.' I grumble
Dude, you and I both know that what you just described is a human woman. A naked. Human. Woman.
'Which is impossible because-
Deny all you want, but these eyes of ours don't lie: there's a hot naked chick taking a shower in our house! my brain declares.
'No. Shut up,' I order. 'You're wrong- Oh so very wrong on so many levels of wrong.'
Come ooooon, my brain whines with a drawl. Don't you want a peek? You know you want to.
Bewitched, I give a cursory glance at the lady's... frame. I know you're all judging. I still am a man, after all; it's mine and my fellow brethren's nature. My eyes intently scan from top to bottom meticulously. 'Well... She sure does have...' Just when I thought I've lost control, Master Willpower swoops in and slaps me out of my devious ruse. I shake my head and take a backward step. What am I doing?! What would my daughter think of me if she saw me doing this?!
She's not going to know. Now come on, pull the curtain, my brain presses.
Curse me and my other half's primitive urges...
'Here's a better idea: I can just walk out and pretend this never happened.
No. Screw you. I'm gonna pull the curtain.
'What- No!
My other half manages to take brief control of my right hand and yanks the drape away in one swift motion. I've watched many cartoon shows my entire life and I've seen the shenanigans they do. Have my dumber half known better, this is one of them. The interloper in the shower, much to my chagrin, is Discord. Though I'm extremely relieved- Relieved that if it weren't for this show's G rating, I would have been probably traumatized beyond repair.
The draconequus, unfazed, stares back flatly, "A bit of privacy? Honestly, people these days."
I seethe at the deity of mischief. "Discord," I begin with an angry frown, "I swear I'm going to-"
"Going to what?" Discord scoffs. A bath brush appears in a flash by a snap of his talon. He grabs the cleaning tool with his scaly tail and scrubs his back with it. "If I understand this correctly, you saw this coming yet you decided to walk into it. Technically, I haven't done anything wrong."
I raise an index finger, ready to retort, yet remain silent after processing his words. Well, shit. He is technically right, and I despise that matter of fact. My index finger goes limp in defeat. "Son of a..." I mutter under a breath.
The smug bastard shoots me a wise-ass smirk, meanwhile lathering the brush with a bar of soap. He then shoves the brush in his mouth and brushes his teeth with it.
My cheeks bulge as my stomach churns. "Ooookaay. I'm out." I say, making posthaste for the exit but not before grabbing my shirt and pants. Slamming it behind me, I shake my head in shame.
That certainly was a killjoy, my brain comments. I glare at the nothingness ahead. What?
I pinch the bridge of my nose, huffing out an exasperated sigh. "Whatever. At least there's still-" I get cut off by a hard knock from the front door downstairs. "What the..." I murmur, bemused. Not wanting to delay, I speedily descend down the stairs in a careful fashion. The visitor knocks a little harder. "Coming," I holler softly. I'm fairly curious on who else would be up at this early time of the day.
I slip on the t-shirt before grabbing the door handle. Would want to look decent, don't we? Without further procrastination, I open the wooden door. My face brightens as the knocker happens to be Ditzy Doo. And look, she even brought her lookalike daughter, Dinky, who's saddled on her back. She appears to be still asleep.
"Well this is quite the pleasant surprise," I say cheerfully. "I didn't expect my daughter to have visitors here at such an early time."
Ditzy graces me with a giggle. She lightly shakes her head. "No, silly. Yesterday I actually had to go around and ask a few ponies where to find you since you never told me where you lived."
I hiss through gritted teeth as I look at her with a twinge of sheepish guilt. "Oh, dang. Terribly sorry about that," I apologize, itching the back of my head sheepishly. Ditzy waves her hoof dismissively.
"It's no big deal," Ditzy assures. "I've ran across here several times before and I never saw you around, though!"
"Probably either I've been gone or end up oversleeping," I explain. "And of course I was sick after the buffet." Ditzy frowns sadly.
"Ah, yes. I remember," Ditzy says. "You must have been dying out of embarrassment."
I fold my arms with a snort. "Believe me, I felt like I did," I say. "But let's get to the point: what was it you wanted me for?"
Ditzy's demeanor perks up a little. "I'm glad you asked, actually," Ditzy says. "You see, my foalsitter I had hired moved away to another town the day before yesterday. That's why I flew around town asking if anypony would be kind enough to foalsit Dinky while I'm at work. But nopony wanted to spare their time with her, and I didn't want to impose Pinkie Pie since she's already foalsitting her niece and nephew, so I asked them where to find you. Luckily I bumped into Rainbow Dash..."
I wonder by that phrase if she literally bumped into that Halloween donkey. Ooh, Halloween donkey, that's brilliant. This should get a good laugh out of Discord. Rick, you bloody genius, you.
Where was I? Oh, right. I got distracted that I forgot Ditzy is still prattling on. I hope she didn't catch me zoning out.
"-And that's how I found you here," Ditzy finishes.
"I see. Yes, fascinating," I quickly reply. The bubbly mare beams a smile. "So you searched for me because nobody else would watch Dinky while you work?" I surmise. Ditzy's face brightens.
"Exactly!" Ditzy proclaims happily with a flap of her wings. Dinky's eyes startle wide open from the mare's abrupt movement. It doesn't take long for her to fall back asleep however. "I would be really, really grateful! I'll even pay you in advance." The mere mention of pay snags my attention.
"Pay in advance you say?" I query with stark interest. I thoughtfully pause to consider her offer. On one hand, I can earn money. On the other hand, I can charge nothing and make an impression... So come on, Rick. What do you value more? Greed? Or kindness? I then sigh, going for the obvious choice. "You know what? Your money won't be necessary; I can watch the little tike for no charge."
At this, Ditzy looks at me like I'm a tad loony. "A-are you serious?" Ditzy stutters. I've managed to detect a hint of disbelief in her tone. "You're sure you don't want compensation for the trouble?" I gesture a hand as a way of saying no.
"Like you said, it's no big deal," I reassure. While part of me does regret upon making this decision, an intense sentiment of pride overcomes me, and I express this feeling through a friendly smile. With Ditzy's approval, I reach for Dinky and scoop her up in my arms and begin cradling her as I smile down at her fondly. She promptly sinks deeper into my arms, yawning in contentment.
"Hmm... Daddy feels nice and warm," Dinky hums as she nuzzles my chest.
Somebody better call an ambulance, for I believe I'm having a heart attack.
"You'll take good care of Dinky, won't you?" Ditzy asks, anxiety masked in her voice. I give the worried mother a confident smile
"Relax. There's nothing to worry about," I reply. "I've raised a filly of my own for fourteen years. You can be certain that I'm more than qualified for the task. And I won't just take good care of her- I'll take great care!" I proudly add. My pacifying words quell the mare's anxiety as the motherly concern in her eyes fade away.
"That's comforting to hear," Ditzy sighs, alleviated. "But are you sure you don't want to be paid?"
"I'm very sure," I reply sincerely with a firm nod. I look down at the snoozing filly in my arms, my lips forming into a fatherly smile. The sight of it has me reminisce the times when Fluttershy was little and how I'd hold her until she would fall asleep.
Oh where had time gone? I could still remember that pegasus' bright smile... A smile so bright to make the sun jealous, even. It's that kind of smile that brought joy and happiness to my dark and malevolent world. Such a precious memory. How could I have forgotten it for so long? Such is the incessant curse of time. Time moves forward without rest, leaving old histories behind to create new ones. Yet our brain, like a chisel, can carve these stones of histories into monumental memories. The flaw to this, however, is how forgetful we can be. Some memories are retain-able, while some end up completely forgotten.
I got so absorbed in my reminisce that I didn't pay attention what was going on around me. Snapping back to reality, I look ahead and see that the mare is gone. I figure she must have taken off to do... whatever she does for a living. Something to do with delivery? I shrug and once more stare down at Dinky cuddled in my arms as I carefully and quietly shut the front door with a heel of a foot. I look ahead as Fluttershy trots in from the kitchen.
"Who was at the door, Father?" my daughter asks. She's wearing what is a pink, pony-sized bathrobe, its fuzzy collar and cuffs shaded in darker pink. This doesn't go without saying: this accentuated her to a higher degree of adorableness.
"Ditzy Doo," I answer simply.
"Ditzy Doo? What possessed her to come here at..." Fluttershy pauses in a squeaky yawn. "Daybreak?"
"She needed someone to foalsit Dinky, since her foalsitter moved away." I shift my arms a little to better the filly's comfort. "Said she'd been looking for me yesterday."
"Really?" Fluttershy says, somewhat surprised. She trots up to me and sits on her haunches. "Hasn't she found somepony else to do it?"
"That's what I thought, too, but apparently she went around town and it seems nobody had the balls to do the job (no offense to the ladies/mares). I guess I was her 'last resort'. She also said she'd pay me for the trouble."
"And what did you say?"
I shrug. "I said I'd foalsit for no charge. Figured I'd return the favor." The corners of Fluttershy's lips curl up into a proud smile.
"That's so kind of you, Father," Fluttershy praises.
"It's nothing, really" I say with a sheepish grin. "Seeing Dinky in my arms like this has made me thought of you, and I simply couldn't say no because of that."
Fluttershy closes in, giving my leg a tight hug.
"That's so very thoughtful of you, Father," Fluttershy coos as she brushes her head against me.
I lower a free hand on her mane and rub her scalp. The silkiness of her hair tickles against my leg's skin. I suppress a chuckle. Having to hold a filly bigger than your average two year-old child with just one arm and petting your loving daughter with the other is not as easy as it sounds but I manage it as this is heartwarming. Fluttershy's tail swishes to and fro as she closes her eyes. She hums blissfully while I run my fingers through her mane down to one of her ears. I gently scratch along the outer part with the nail of my thumb. This elicits a louder hum from her.
I continue to gently scritch-scratch Fluttershy's ear and watch as one of her hind legs kick the air reactively. Fluttershy proceeds to rub her face against my hand similar to how a cat would, and I happily rub her cheeks in kind. I can practically hear my daughter's adorable purrs as the contented smile on her muzzle curls up more. I'm not exaggerating when I say that the peach-fuzziness that is her fur feels like absolute heaven. And I do mean to use the word absolute.
Since the weight from holding this filly is causing my arm's muscles to grow sore, I have to reluctantly pull my hand away. My daughter gives out a little whimper.
"Sorry my dear Shy. Arm's getting a little tired."
Fluttershy then beams at me with an understanding nod. "It's okay. I love you, Father," Fluttershy croons, giving my leg one last hug.
"And I love you, too," I say, wishing I could return the hug. The two of us smile at one another in a small amount of silence.
"I'll be up in my room to get ready," Fluttershy says, making her egress up the stairs. She suddenly stops midway. "Oh. Did you happen to find out about the running water in the bathroom?"
"Err..." I nervously utter. A small drop of cold sweat rolls down my left temple. "I did, but..."
My daughter's eyes narrow as a scolding frown forms on her muzzle. "Discord..." Fluttershy admonishes the spirit's name under an angry whisper. Off she goes, storming up the stairs where I presume she'll be ripping Discord a new one for the prank he pulled on me.
What? Did you think I was going to sit here and let the golden opportunity slip past me? Fat chance. Sure it's vindictive and immature of me to rat out on Discord like that, but it was rightfully done so as payback for my precious suit and pants. It may have been a good idea in hindsight, but now it's probable that Discord will get the one up on me whenever the timing's right.
I set the paranoia aside, for now, and kill time by relaxing on the green sofa. I carefully lay Dinky down and watch her sleep soundly on my stomach as her tail curls up around her tiny body. I'll admittedly say it's adorable, and seeing her like that has me recount the days when my dear Shy used to do the same thing, and she sort of still does to this very day.
It was quite amusing how Fluttershy not once tried to sleep anywhere but on the bed back on Earth. She was pretty insistent to be with her 'Daddy', never willing to sleep alone because of how she was too scared of the dark even when she was an adult. I suddenly remind myself of that time, when I first found her, that she was afraid of the closet. Heh. That memory gets a chuckle out of me every time.
Sure here she's grown to be an independent mare who also braved many perils and faced hardships that conditioned her for the better, but there have been instances where she would get startled slightly or freeze on the spot, either by calling her name or from a sudden sound. Not as often, mind you. It happens rarely. When it does, however, I would just smile as it'd remind me that she's still the timid daughter I raised and loved.
And now look at her: she's all grown up and is scolding a god of chaos. I can't tell you how proud I am for writing this down.
Unfortunately, in the middle of my musing, another cart has attached itself to my train of thoughts: concern. My head is instilled with an anxious foresight that should I snoop around the market, will I attract some glares and be glowered at? Undoubtedly. Not that it should be of any surprise, but hey, maybe today will be different. Maybe there are ponies in Ponyville who have heard my performance back at Canterlot and they could very well have spread a few good words about it.
It's a strong maybe, and a belief that I'm going to cling onto as I don't want to dampen my positive mood more than it already has after what happened upstairs...
Lots of other things race through my mind, one being that I will get to hang out and read with Twilight Sparkle as our first date. To be honest, it is something I am looking forward to. As it was stated: I really like how serene it is over there. Although one should expect it to be as it is a library. O-of course I'm comfortably fine with my daughter's cottage, too. Honest. At times though the rowdy noises tend to negatively affect one's disposition enough so that they'll lust after for some peace and quiet. Yours truly is guilty of that.
As of now, however, everything is blissful save for the morning birds chirping outside and inside. I stare up at the wooden ceiling, chewing over what else I will be doing other than reading with the nerdy alicorn. Well, there shouldn't be anything else to think about other than that, right? Why am I now just cogitating on something else besides reading with her?
'Dude, I can see what you are thinking. Stop...' my brain upbraids me with an audible shiver.
Do you honestly think I have that much restraint when I get too lost in my pondering? I retort.
'Yeah but that's a bit too far. I thought you wanted to keep things platonic?' my brain asks wryly.
It's not like I intended to! I reply defensively. It just randomly pops up!
'You do you. I'm not going to get involved in this any further. Just try to keep your cogitations at the bare minimum, alright?'
I roll my eyes. Okay, Mom... I scoff with a drawl.
After that... exchange with my annoying half, my gaze floats back down at the sleeping filly. Fondness encroaches me as I smile softly. I bring up a tender hand and rest it on the side of her belly, and one of her ears flick upon the contact. I proceed to let my hand sail along from her belly up to her rib and back tenderly as possible, her fur ticklish to my palm.
Dinky exhales through her nostrils as a contented smile stretches across her muzzle, a happy hum rumbling in her throat. In her sleep, the filly's head blindly searches for my hand, like a mole sniffing out for its wormy meal, and, once she has felt it, nuzzles my hand. Happiness and warmth swaddle my heart. My smile brightens further as I continue to pet the filly, and each time I do, I'm rewarded with another affectionate nuzzle.
"Daddy..." are the soft words that escape her lips. Again the warmth overcomes me that I refuse to stop petting her. A memory then floods my mind...
Outside I was laying on the grass on a warm and sunny afternoon, eyes closed, surrounded by the serenade of Mother Nature; the rustling of trees and creaking branches being caressed by the whistling breeze, accompanied by a nearby bird's chiming chirps. The fragrance of flowers filled the air as I inhaled through my nose. I then sighed out my contentment.
Blades of waving grass tickled my skin. I opened my eyes and am greeted by a pink and yellow butterfly fluttering above me. It gracefully descended unto my forehead. I vainly tried to look up to see it. However, I couldn't. Not that it mattered...
I brought my gaze down to another butterfly laid on my stomach... One that is most graceful and kind of all. I gently brushed her pink mane aside to get a view of her gorgeous face. The sunlight bouncing off her orbs gives them such a dazzling sparkle one's heart would melt upon seeing.
"Look at the pretty butterfly on your head, Father," Fluttershy giggles.
"Why look at it when I'm already looking at the most majestic butterfly..."
Something cold and wet running down my cheeks rouses me from my memory.
"Father, I'm ready!" my daughter chirps, her voice loud yet soft at the same time, but still soft enough that it hasn't startled Dinky awake, as she gracefully hovers down the stairs. Even the flapping of her wings barely emits any sound.
Lying supine on the sofa, I tilt my head upwards and flash Fluttershy an upside-down smile.
"Awesome," I say.
I'm not going to bother taking the shower, not after what transpired upstairs, if the second reminder is necessitous. While there's a slight hint of odor coming out of my armpits, thankfully the reek of animals here overrides it (which I don't know why I'm being thankful or finding this a plus), so I don't think anybody can pick up on it lest they're within hugging proximity.
I've yet to be ready, as it is conspicuous by the lack of pants.
I adroitly slide my hands underneath Dinky and lift her by her armpits as I steadily rise, so far successful in keeping her asleep. I, diligent in my motions, lay her back down on the comfy sofa. Dinky now recumbent on the couch, her little furry belly is exposed. Ripe for the petting. My left hand involuntarily reaches out for the filly's stomach like it has a mind of its own, but, with the swift aid of Master Willpower, I thwart its intentions by grabbing it with my right hand.
That taken care of, I swipe the blue jeans from the sofa's armrest and slip them on, button, and zip up the zipper carefully.
"There, all set and ready," I say, patting my jeans.
I perform a thorough self-inspection to make certain I'm prepared. As if it couldn't be any more of a convenience, there is a ha- hoof held mirror on the coffee table from across the sofa. I procure the mirror and hold it up in front of me, checking for anything out of place. Everything seems to be in order, save for the unsightly bedhead (another thing to add to the roster of 'Discord's an Asshole').
While it's unhygienic and somewhat frowned upon, I lick my palm to apply a thin coat of saliva and stroke down the loose strands. I bring the mirror back up and examine my hair once more. Hmm. Well, there's only so much that saliva can do in lieu of hair gel.
I don't think she caught my unhygienic act earlier. Although given that she's probably seen plenty of animals licking themselves, I'm confident she would hardly care.
Fluttershy daintily alights on the wooden floor and tucks her wings away and reciprocates with a fond smile. She then starts trotting over to the saddlebag suspended on a coat rack next to the front door. Seeing this, I walk on over to retrieve it for her.
"Here, I'll help," I offer. My daughter beams brightly and nods.
I have earlier learned that this saddlebag is not authentic leather. I believe they've called it synthetic leather? Artificial? Well, whatever it may be, I definitely would have found it questionable if it was authentic.
I hoist it off the coat rack and gingerly sling it over the center of my daughter's spine. Kneeling, I grab hold of the buckle strap and the other strap with holes underneath her barrel, being wary of her personal space. She really doesn't mind my help on occasions such as this. But, as her father, I tend to be mindful of her boundaries nonetheless.
I somewhat struggle — for this is my third time attempting this, even though it's nothing short compared to buckling a normal belt strap — upon lacing the plain strap through the metallic loop of the buckle.
I abstain from blurting out an expletive when I ineptly lost my grip on the buckle strap. Yes, I know, I'm an imbecile. A lone droplet of sweat falls off from between my furrowed brows. I grab the buckle again and successfully got the other end through its hoop seconds after.
So once I've gotten past that hurdle, I push the buckle's tongue through the middle hole of the three. I grin complacently when the strap is girdled snugly around Fluttershy's barrel.
Using both shoulder sleeves to wipe away the sweat off my brows, I slowly stand back up on my two feet with a short grunt. My daughter then beams a fond and grateful smile before nuzzling my hand.
I then place my hand on her crest and snake my fingers slowly through her pink mane. Fluttershy promptly hums a low purr as she presses her face against my palm. I give her scalp a gentle scratch before retracting my hand.
"Thank you very much, Father," Fluttershy says.
"You're very much welcome," I kindly reply.
That said and done, I quietly walk over to the sofa and hoist the sleeping Dinky up into my cradling arms. I turn back around and make my way to my daughter as she quietly opens the cottage door. My face scrunches as momentary blindness hits me; I quickly shield Dinky's eyes when the sun cascades its brilliant rays on us so she wouldn't wake up. I must say I'm astonished how ridiculously bright it is this early in the morning.
Fluttershy closes the door behind us with her hind leg. The hinges from the door make an ear-piercing squeak for a split second. This, of course, causes Dinky to stir in my arms. The filly arches her back as she exhales a dull yawn. She lazily rubs her face with a foreleg before she slowly opens her eyes.
Dinky blinks a couple of times, probably to purge the blurriness away. She then flicks her gaze up at me with a puzzled look on her visage.
She tiredly yawns before asking, "Hey, Daddy, where's Mommy?"
"Oh, she's at work," I answer softly. "But don't fret, because today I will be your foalsitter," I add.
Dinky's eyes flit wide open, pupils dilated, as a smile stretches on her tiny lips, brimming with childish excitement.
"Really?! Yay! I get to hang out with Daddy!"
Both my dear Shy and I smile sequentially. Today just keeps getting better and better.
So it might have taken roughly around five minutes striding down the dirt-beaten path for my dumb brain to realize that I've been walking shoeless. I know I've displayed my obliviousness time and time again, but this is just beyond absurd. It makes me more shamefaced to admit that I've been wondering why the path felt rockier than usual those past five minutes.
Because of this, I had to leave Dinky with my daughter so I could race back to the cottage, while grumbling minced curses to myself, slip on my shoes, and hurry right back in a flash. Before grabbing the shoes, however, I've rushed up the stairs into my daughter's bedroom to grab Silver from the case, stashed it in the back of my pants, and bounded down the stairs in a carefully-hasty fashion.
Why am I bringing my gun? Just for precautionary reasons, should something problematic happens. Although that could be my paranoia talking. Still, it doesn't hurt to be prepared for anything.
Getting there and back only took less than half the time walking, but man, I almost pushed my lungs to their limit; by the time I've gotten up to Fluttershy and Dinky, I'm panting like a thirsty dog. I take a needed breather to collect myself.
"I think you need to cut the sweets from your diet, Father," my daughter titters.
"Yeah, I probably should," I agree in a pant, a faint blush glowing on my flushed cheeks.
Dinky then hops in front of me, standing on her hind legs as she stretches her forelegs up to me. I gingerly lift the filly and saddle her on my shoulders. We finally resume our toddle towards Ponyville.
The three of us barely exchange any words during the journey, except give each other fond smiles. Dinky stares at the few clouds in the ocean-blue sky while I do the same. I take a deep breath of the clean and fresh air, finding it novelly refreshing, no matter the many times I've done so since my arrival here. I then pivot my attention to the grassy fields right of me, impressed by the vibrant colors, albeit a bit sore to look at, given how bright it is.
The steep green hills stretch far as the eye can see. A gentle wind blows and causes the tall grass to wave as if it were an emerald sea. It's breathtaking.
The trip doesn't take long for we're now on the outskirts of Ponyville, and from here I can see that today is a busy day as the streets are teeming with the town's locals. I suppose it would make sense, considering it's a Sunday.
Sure, there are a few with similar colors or styles, but never are they the same. Some even have unique patterns such as pinto, roan, and there's even one who has a leopard complex.
I'm heavily breathing through my nose, with sweat accumulating on my brows. It also doesn't help that I'm giving Dinky a piggy-back ride, but I haven't the care at the slightest long as she's having fun.
Fluttershy trots alongside at a leisure pace similar to mine. She looks up to me, a bright and fond smile adorning her muzzle. She lightly brushes her face against the side of my thigh. I keep one hand holding Dinky while I lower the other to pat my daughter's head softly. She beams at me radiantly and nuzzles my palm.
The natives around us are eyeing me with expressions that vary from wariness to interest? Well, maybe not exactly that. I don't know. At times like this, I wish I hadn't squandered my adolescent years playing video games had I known I'd later develop a pursuit for literature. I've clearly shown my lack of knowledge in the field if the poor choice of words hasn't been evident enough.
What I'm getting at is some of the ponies we pass by would talk amongst themselves in hushed whispers like: "Isn't that the 'thing' that played the solo at Canterlot?" and "I didn't think that 'creature' could play the violin."
Well, I'm content with being labeled a 'thing' or 'creature' rather than 'monkey'. That's a big fat plus in my book.
There have been other things they've said in louder whispers, especially these two mares I walk by, but the details I'll omit since it involves, um, inappropriate language.
And by inappropriate, I mean carnal.
I internally gag and stare ahead without so much as batting them an eye in fear that if I do, they'll maybe mistake it as me having a sudden interest. Thankfully Dinky seems to have been too absentminded that she didn't hear what those mares said.
I couldn't help but notice my daughter's narrowed eyes are tracking the mares until they're beyond her peripheral vision. Now, call me crazy if anyone will, but I swear my daughter muttered an expletive or some form of insult under a growl.
I don't say anything. I just look at her, pride in my eyes and smirk.
"Look at all the strangers staring at you, Daddy," Dinky says.
"They're just curious, is all," I reply as the marketplace slowly comes into view.
We haven't crossed paths with Fluttershy's friends. At least not yet, anyway. I'm sure we will run into Applejack around here; it's not too uncommon to see her in the marketplace since she sells her apples on the same spot every Sunday, based on what my daughter told me prior to our departure this morning.
"Why are they curious?" Dinky asks.
Ah, right. Dinky's at that curious stage at her age, huh? Head full of questions, and answering one leads to another. A slight annoyance, sure, but that's just how they are. I've raised Fluttershy long enough to know this.
"Well..." I briefly trail off to think up an explanation. I couldn't, so I give her a half-assed answer, "They just are, Dinky. It's nothing to worry over."
We're several meters away from the marketplace now. There are many stalls lined up on both sides of the dirt road, leaving a clear, big passage of the center for buyers or tourists to meander through freely. I must say, this place is abuzz with commercing activity. Some ponies go in with empty bags, and some ponies go out with bags stuffed.
"So, what else will we be doing here besides shopping?" Dinky asks another question.
"After we do our shopping, I might leave you with my daughter so I can go visit somepony named Twilight Sparkle. We're going to read together for our first date," I explain to her.
"You're talking about that mean purple unicorn pony, right?" Dinky says.
I cock a confused brow and my dear Shy echoes with a cock of her own.
"Mean? What on Ear- I mean Equestria makes you think she's mean?" I ask.
"Because she's keeping you away from Mommy," Dinky replies. "I think you and Mommy would be happier together."
I answer carefully, as I should to the child, "You may think that now. But later on, when you get older, I'm sure your mother will have found a stallion that would make her even happier. Heck, that stallion might end up being a better dad than I am."
Sometimes I may be too modest for my well own being, ashamed to admit.
"No way!" Dinky exclaims. "There's nopony better than you! You're like the best dad I know!" Fluttershy bobs a confirming nod to Dinky's remark.
My dear Shy, you certainly can warm a grown-up man's heart.
"That's rather nice of you to say that, Dinky," I say with a smile.
My nostrils soon catch the familiarly-sweet, fruity scent of oranges, watermelon, bananas, and various other fruits lingering in the air. My eardrums are assaulted by the bleats, whinnying, braying happening around me. It's that active.
Like I have mentioned earlier, it's not just the ponies browsing around the marketplace: there is a griffin. By the eye shadow on her eyelids, she's female. Moreover, the long eyelashes and elegant dress are a dead giveaway. I'm amazed simply on the fact I'm gawking at a mythical creature said to be, well, a myth- An actual griffin who sticks her beak up in the air as we cross paths.
...Fuck you too, lady.
As we tread a little further down the marketplace, the ponies keep themselves at a fair distance, which is convenient as Fluttershy slows to a stop in front of a peach stand.
The seller behind it appears to be an earth pony stallion who has had his fair share of lunches. Too many lunches, I would dare say because the guy has quite the bloated gut on him. His maroon-colored fur glistens in the sunlight, and his eyebrows are slightly darker in color, making them partially invisible if you aren't squinting hard enough like I am. Blue bore the irises of his abnormally-large eyes.
"Top of the morning to you, lass!" the peach merchant greets my daughter. There is an Irish accent to his voice, oddly to say. "How can I help a beautiful mare such as yourself?" he adds with a flirtatious wink.
I swear I'm not making this shit up. I mean, who the fuck wrote this show's script, anyway?
Fluttershy faintly blushes. Like the protective father I am, I shoot the merchant a deathly glare. He just ignores my presence entirely.
Fluttershy looks over the peaches with interest. "Yes, um, I'd like to buy some peaches, please," she says. It's adorable seeing her act shy and whatnot.
She digs her muzzle into her saddlebag and pulls out a smaller pink bag (which I presume is the equivalent of a coin purse) with her mouth. She rests the pink bag on the counter, snaps it open, and takes out the bits one at a time with her teeth until there's ten of them laying across the counter.
"How much can I get with these?" Fluttershy asks.
The stallion's eyes intently stare down at the shiny coins as he silently mouths the estimations.
"For you miss, I can give you three peaches!" he answers.
"Oh... Um. Do you think I can get five?" Fluttershy asks.
"Sorry, missy," the merchant says apologetically, "it's three bits per peach. No less." The stallion slightly leans over. "But, uh," he begins, chuckling (under my sharp observance, his eyes are scanning my daughter meticulously), "I can give you a discount if you can help me with a favor."
Oh, the nerve of this motherfucker. This crook can pretend like I'm nonexistent, but if he thinks he can woo my daughter, he's got another thing coming.
When I was just about to bark an insult, my daughter speaks up. "That's a shame, really," she says, sweeping the bits back into her coin bag with a hoof. "I suppose I'll take my money elsewhere." She looks several stalls down, where a mare is also selling peaches. "Like her over there." Fluttershy points. "Her peaches seem like they're cheaper."
As she prepares to leave, the merchant raises a hoof. "Er, wait, miss, please. Perhaps we can compromise," he offers.
"I'm listening," Fluttershy says.
"What do you say two bits a peach?" he bargains.
A smile creases my lips. Aha. So that's what you were planning.
Fluttershy's sly smile widens a smidge. "Hmm. I don't know," she says, tapping her chin.
The merchant's demeanor has changed, almost desperate-like. "Okay, okay. Then how about two peaches for the price of three bits? That's fair, right?"
There's the nibble...
My daughter hums to herself for some time, tapping her chin again.
Steady... Steady...
"It's a deal," Fluttershy nods as she gives the merchant nine shiny bits.
And there's the catch. Got to say, my daughter sure knows how to do business.
Greedily, the peach salesma- salespony (damn pony slangs) swipes the bits off the counter. He sinks behind his stall, then rises with a paper bag with the six peaches inside.
"There you go, miss!" the peach merchant says happily, waving us off.
"Thank you," Fluttershy replies. She takes the paper bag and stashes it into her saddlebag. Just like that, we're off to find another stall.
"He seems like a good pony," Dinky remarks.
I roll my eyes with a snort. 'Tch. Good pony, my ass.'
The ruthless sun continues beating down on me like some wrathful god(dess). To make matters worse, it gets hotter as time passes by.
For the love of Pete, Celestia. I get that raising the sun is your ritual, or princess duty, whatever, but maybe you should tone it down before you inadvertently roast someone alive! If not, then the heatstroke will be the cause of my death.
Okay, I may be exaggerating. I just hate the heat. It often throws off my way of thinking.
Dinky trots alongside, occasionally doing a skip after two steps or three to keep up. I, being the thoughtful parent, am carrying two hefty bags of healthy contents -- one full of tangerines and one full of carrots, in each arm -- for my precious daughter so her spine won't ache from holding every burden she purchased. Like the peaches, she got these for a steal of a deal.
Fluttershy was stuck confabulating with a pegasus mare she once met at the Flight Academy. This Flight Academy might have been some school where pegasi attended, or whatever; I remember something about it on the wiki. Memory's way too fuzzy to recollect every detail, but I know it's where Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash became friends.
While this pegasus mare implored to hold their friendly conversation, Fluttershy had to bid farewell.
We resume trekking down the crowded marketplace. My daughter looks up to me with a grateful smile. "It's very nice of you to hold the groceries, Father," she says.
I reciprocate with a warm smile. "Anything for you, my dear Shy," I reply. "There'd be no reason why I shouldn't."
"Hey! I'm helping too, you know!" Dinky exclaims. Fluttershy and I pivot our attention to the unicorn filly balancing a peach on her head.
Fluttershy giggles, whereas I chuckle, at the filly's enthusiasm.
"Oh, yes, little one," Fluttershy says sweetly, "you're being such a great help!" Dinky perks a complacent smile at the two of us. "Now," Fluttershy continues, "all we need is-"
"Apples! Get yer quality apples here! Fresh and ripe from the trees of Sweet Apple Acres!" A southern-accented mare shouts several feet ahead of us. The owner of the voice is none other than the earth pony mare, Applejack, showing off her bright and juicy-looking red apples.
Applejack is relatively more than just your average earth pony. I say this due to her being one of the "main characters" of this here show (and perhaps several other reasons, but I'll get to that at another time). She's orange as an orange cream popsicle.
What? I'm dying of heat here! And the first thing that popped into my mind was a mouth-watering popsicle. Putting that awkward comparison aside, this earth pony mare has an attractive blonde mane and tail -- tresses golden as corn itself -- tied up into "ponytails".
Attractive? Obvious that it's the heat throwing me off, like I mentioned.
Dotted on her face's cheeks are her white freckles. As usual, perched on her head is a light-brown stetson cowboy hat. I need to detail this just to be safe, in case I haven't included a description of her in a past log.
She showcases her rows of shiny-red apples to the customers, and wow can she draw in a crowd. A sextet of ponies gathers around the stall and eagerly exchange their bags of bits for her produce. Heck, some of the other competitive neighbors to our left and right are gaping at the apple farmer in mounting envy.
Either Applejack injects her products with drugs, or they're just that amazing.
We move towards Applejack's stall leisurely, and, as we approach, the customers milling the area disperse, satisfied with their purchases. Applejack waves off to each of them, eyes sparkling at the numerous bags of bits piled in front of her. Okay, now I'm a bit envious of her success. Once Applejack has seen us, she waves at the two of us jubilantly, a broad smile blooming on her face.
"Howdy there, Sugarcube!" Applejack hollers. "Ah wondered when ya were going to show up!"
"Hello, Applejack," Fluttershy and I greet in unison, stopping right in front of her.
"Wow, Applejack," Fluttershy says, surveying the bits with a touch of astonishment, "it looks like your apples have been selling well."
"They sure are!" Applejack confirms gleefully. The farmer rounds up her spoils with a foreleg, sweeping them off the counter and right into an empty bucket beneath her, a series of metal clunking against the wood. "If this keeps up, Ah'll have enough spare money to last through fall and maybe even winter! Got to sell many as Ah can before that happens, though." Applejack submerges below her counter and then shortly reemerges with a bucket full of fresh apples held between two hooves. She deposits the heavy bucket onto the counter and the wooden stall rattles slightly. "So, what can Ah do fer ya, Sugarcube?"
Fluttershy points to the red delicacies. "I'd like to purchase five of your delicious apples, please," she replies.
"Sure thing!" Applejack says. She whips out a paper bag from underneath the counter and hoofs it to Fluttershy. Or is it hooves it? Whatever. "Don't worry about the cost. These are on the house."
"Why, thank you," Fluttershy says gratefully. My daughter diligently bites the stems of an apple with her teeth, dropping them into the bag one at a time. Afterward, once she's finished bagging the apples, my daughter asks, "Where's Apple Bloom? I've noticed she's not with you."
Applejack rests an elbow on the stall's wooden counter, chin resting on the sole of her hoof. "Same old, same old: she's out cutie mark crusadin' with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo," she chuckles with a dismissive roll of her other hoof. "But Ah'd like to know how y'all are doing." Applejack's gaze slowly floats down to Dinky. "Oh? Isn't that Ditzy's daughter there? Dinky, is it?"
"Yes, she is," Fluttershy replies. "Father is foalsitting her while Ditzy's at work."
Applejack snorts, a tad surprised, yet remains smiling. "Foalsitting, huh? Ah must honestly say that Ah never took you fer the foalsitting type, Rick," she remarks, pointing her attention to me now.
I readjust my hold on the paper bags and shrug. "Yeah, I tend to surprise."
"Yeah, and Daddy's like the best foalsitter ever!" Dinky chimes in with a joyful hop, still balancing the peach on her head.
Applejack's eyes slightly widen as she arches a bemused brow. "Ah don't know if these ears of mine are full of wax, but, did Dinky just call you 'Daddy'?"
"Yes, she did," I reply in honesty.
"So then that means yer're married to Ditzy?" Applejack asks.
"Oh! No, no, no. That's not what it is at all!" I say quickly, shaking my head. "It's kind of a funny story."
Applejack fixes me with a dubious expression, but she gestures for me to explain. I clarify the circumstances best to my ability while keeping the story short since there are ponies lining up behind us. The farmer attentively listens with a few understanding nods.
"And that's the gist of it," I finish, once more readjusting my hold on the paper bags as my arms begin to sore from carrying them prolongingly.
"Ah get ya, and Ah think it's generously kind of ya to foalsit fer free," Applejack says with another comprehensive nod. She steps back to stand on her fours behind the stall. "Well, it's been nice chatting, but Ah've got customers! Hope the rest of yer day goes by swimmingly!" The mare hollers us farewell, smiling as we make way for home.
Fluttershy and Dinky wave back to her while I smirk.
My daughter's cottage is just a few walks ahead. The long trip, as well as the shopping, was such a tiring errand; my legs almost feel like spaghetti from traipsing around Ponyville for two hours straight, but it hardly matters since I got to shop with my precious daughter.
"Ugh! Finally!" I groan as I walk up to the cottage's door, happy that I'll get some R and R. For a little while, anyway. I'll need to take a quick shower and get suited up for my date. Although I'm reluctant to, considering that Twilight is keenly fond of the dreadful purple suit and pants I'll be wearing for the said date.
Fluttershy trots ahead and kindly opens the door for me. I would do it myself, but my arms are preoccupied with holding the groceries.
Dinky hurriedly zips in, still carefully balancing the peach on her head. I'm the last to walk right in after my daughter and beeline for the coffee table so I can set the groceries down on it. Various woodland critters, including Angel, scurry away to give me a clear path, thankfully.
Once I've done so, I roll my shoulders. I then rub my aching back while ambling to the green couch and plop myself down onto it. What with the couch being small, and designed mainly for ponies, it creaks and groans underneath my weight.
It would probably be better if Fluttershy had gotten a bigger one, but it is what it is. I pat the back of my pants to check for Silver, and, to my relief and luck, it is still there.
Like a seal, Dinky balances the peach on the tip of her snout talentedly before tossing it into a bag. The one that has the carrots, specifically. My OCD goes off as my left eye twitches.
"Father," my daughter calls out to me softly, "do you think you can help take the groceries out of my saddlebag?"
Despite the soreness in my leg's muscles, I acquiesce, "Of course I will help you." Fluttershy smiles at me, grateful. I grunt as I rise from the couch. Then, I make my way over to her and kneel beside her.
"I want you to put these on the table. And this here, too." She says, pointing the two bags in her saddlebag with a hoof.
I nod and pull them out of her saddlebag and carry them over to the table. As I carefully set them down next to the other two that I carried, I return to Fluttershy and unbuckle her saddlebag's strap - luckily without too much difficulty - and hang it up on the rack next to the front door.
Fluttershy stands there, beaming at me. It warms my heart to see her smile with the daughterly adoration and love she has for me as her father.
"Thank you, Father," my dear Shy says. No longer burdened by the groceries and saddlebag, she stretches her wings outward far as they can go. As she stretches — her top down and plot up in a cat-like way — she tilts her head until the joints in her neck emit a soft, hearable pop. "Ah, much better," she sighs, relaxedly, folding her wings back to her sides before standing upright.
My daughter then turns her attention to the bags of groceries. She takes a few steps forward and begins picking out the items from each bag.
I kneel beside Fluttershy again and begin to do likewise. She's probably reassuring herself that every fruit is accounted for, and checking for bruises or any blemishes they may have.
Dinky squeezes in between us. "Can I help?" she asks.
"Later, you can," I answer, gently ruffling the unicorn filly's mane. "Why don't you sit on the couch and wait until then, okay?"
"Okay!" Dinky says cheerfully without any protest. She rears herself out and starts bounding towards the couch. I do find it amusing that the filly has slight difficulty climbing up the furniture on her own. But she manages, and she sits down on her haunches, quietly watching us like a hawk.
I've always wondered why Dinky hasn't used any magic yet. Last time I visited Twilight's place, Twilight expatiated on that unicorns around Dinky's age should be able to levitate small objects or even themselves around a scant twenty centimeters high. She did add that age doesn't adequately factor on how a unicorn utilizes magic. I'd annotate her entire lecture on here, but, that would require an indefinite number of pages to write.
Maybe at a later point I'll ask Ditzy about Dinky.
I flash the filly a closed-lip smile before turning back to the bags. I then speak up after a minute of subdued silence. "It was rather lively down at the marketplace," I begin, conversationally.
"Oh yes, it was. I was surprised to see so many ponies down there," Fluttershy replies.
"No kidding," I agree. "But at least when they were around me, they seemed a bit more, uh, lenient, if that's the right way to put it. I overheard the mentioning of my solo down at Canterlot, and their feedback seemed neutral rather than negative."
Fluttershy nods slowly. We've emptied the bags completely, and my daughter pores over the pile of fruit thoroughly. A satisfied smile blooms on her visage.
"Well that sounds like an improvement, Father," she replies.
"Right? Initially, I had my doubts. But I'm happy and relieved that today didn't go so bad like I thought it would." The cheery smile I had falters. "I'm still bummed out about the puking incident there, though. So damn embarrassing that I did that in front of a large crowd."
Fluttershy extends her right wing and drapes it on my shoulder. "It's all right, Father," she says to me in a soothing, motherly tone. "It's just like what we talked about before: it was not your fault, and you had no idea about your allergy. Regarding your performance, I think it was beautiful, and my friends thought so, too. And I didn't know you had such talent. How come you never told me anything about it, even way back when we were on Earth?"
I remain silent for half a minute. I never intended to share my past trials and tribulations more than I need to. Even when after I've imparted a portion of it to Twilight.
But this is Fluttershy I'm dealing with here. I can't muster the heart to say no to her questions; she can be persistent, and would do everything she can to cheer me up in order to swat away the shrouding darkness, as is part of her kind-hearted nature. In this instance, my shift from a happy to a melancholic mood is enough to confirm her worries as she looks at me, concerned. I put on a straight face.
"If you don't want to talk about it, Father, I understand," she says, brushing my back with her wing tenderly, "and I don't want to press if it makes you uncomfortable."
I blow out a sigh, and a gulp to follow it up. It felt like there was a pebble in my throat.
"No, no. I think you deserve to know. You see, my dear Shy, the reason I didn't tell anyone is that I had a terrible teenage experience with the violin. To make the story short: my foster mother had me play it in front of an audience at some community talent show, and...well, I ended up soiling myself on the stage." My bottom lip would tremble, threatening to shatter my stolidness before I try to finish. "It was so upsetting when some of them laughed at me, even. I felt so humiliated, and I wanted to die that day."
And here, the corners of my mouth give way as they droop. I quickly put a hand over my mouth to mask my frown, hoping she hasn't noticed it. My daughter has seen it, however, and promptly scoots over. She extends her other wing and wraps it around me.
"Shh, it's okay, Father," my daughter says under a consoling whisper. She snuggles up to my side, her wings closing around me where my body is now fully wrapped in her feathery embrace. "It must have been so scarring of a memory, and I now understand why you don't want to talk about it, Father. But it is good that you are. It's certainly not healthy to repress those feelings when they should be let out."
I clench my teeth together as a means to suppress the emotions that keep irritably surfacing. "It's how I was taught, my dear Shy," I say, some words having a slight hiss to them due to the clenched teeth.
"It's not good for you to do that to your teeth, either," my daughter chides, yet her voice remains soothing and soft. "Please, look at me, Father."
I amend by cocking my head up, and my sullen gaze meets her compassionate gaze. While my lips bear a frown, her lips, however, are that of a smile.
As I stare into those beautiful, aquamarine eyes of hers, my mandible muscles relax, and all the sorrow, all the anger, disappear, like a strong wind blowing away the storm clouds eclipsing the sun. The clouds represent my sorrow and anger, whereas Fluttershy's smile represents the sun.
Her smile brings solace to my soul. Even my heart begins to beat more lively, as though it is being fueled by her love, and this causes my lips to perk up a warm smile in turn.
Words needn't be said then. Fluttershy's kindness, along with her love, has swept the negativity away.
I slowly raise a right hand and reach out for my daughter's angelic face. She voluntarily inches herself closer, aware of my intentions. My palm lands on her left cheek gingerly, and I sigh pleasantly when my skin makes contact with her soft fur.
It still astonishes me to this very day how she keeps her coat pristine and soft. It's a sensation akin to touching silky fabric.
Her eyelids lazily droop, and she lets out an adorable, pleased hum. Her eyes have completely closed, that blissed smile of hers stretching more by my gentle ministrations. I bring my other hand to cup her other cheek.
Her cheeks have just the right amount of pudginess to them, and I relish in their softness when I lightly press my palms on them. She continues to make relaxed, cute noises and purrs as she snuggles up closer into my chest, nuzzling it. I could not hold back a chuckle when she starts wagging her tail happily.
My daughter perks her head up and opens her eyes with a radiant smile. Happiness washes over me as I stare back, glowingly. I lower my forehead onto hers — carefully so as to not bonk her forehead against mine — and nuzzle her snout with the tip of my nose.
My heart flutters with joy when Fluttershy lets out the cutest giggle, and I continue to delight in the combination of caressing her soft fur and hearing her reactions.
I plant a soft kiss on her forehead and wrap my arms around her, giving her a long embrace. She rests her head against my chest, breathing a contented sigh.
Man, a steamy shower was all I simply needed; I feel refreshed and am ready for my date with Twilight. Here I'm walking down the stairs casual-like, dressed smartly in my purple suit and pants with a smile on my face (I really have to thank my daughter for washing them yesterday). However, my smile and calm demeanor is actually a guise to hide my overwhelming anxiety.
I'm not confidently sure what I will be doing at Twilight's place other than reading, and what should I bring prior? Should I get a box of chocolates? Then what fillings would she prefer? Does she even like chocolates? Would they give her gas? Should I bring a bouquet instead? What flowers should it have? Tulips? Does Twilight even like tulips? What if she's allergic to them?
Maybe a book would be far more ideal for a gift? But what could I possibly get she doesn't already have? Even then, how can I afford any of the mentioned items without borrowing my daughter's bits?
So many damn headache-inducing questions.
I'll be explicitly honest: I haven't had an official date before. Embarrassed to admit, yes, I have had a...close interaction with a woman before, so I can say with an ounce of certainty that I have some experience with women. Disgruntedly to include, however, this woman in question was a...prostitute. Some would debate that that doesn't count as dating at a technical level, and I wholeheartedly agree.
It's not that I was curious or prurient; my foster father hired the prostitute on my eighteenth birthday, said I was a grown man and wanted me to have some "fun" in my life. I have adamantly explained it to him - ever since I turned sixteen, whenever we'd discuss relationships - I had no venereal interest in women (and men, might I earnestly add) whatsoever. He was insufferably pig-headed to listen, anyway, as he kept encouraging me to do other things I found mundane.
The rant aside, this will be my first actual date, who just happens to be a pony. A purple-furred bookworm alicorn with an aptitude for science and literature and widely known as a kook for undiscovered knowledge.
I can recall the discussion we had that mingling with species outside one's own is commonplace among their culture and society. I still view it as an anomaly, however, and it's a daunting hurdle remaining proven to be a challenge to jump over due to my stubborn prejudice. How is this pertinent and why is this being brought up again? I've no clue.
My intestines feel like they've knotted themselves in agitation, and the questions overloading my brain are compounding to the mounting anxiety. But I retain the composed facade as I resume my descent on the staircase.
When I get to the bottom, I see Dinky on the couch holding Angel, smothering him as the poor rabbit wriggles to break free fruitlessly from her inescapable grasp.
My dear Shy has finished up putting away the fruit and vegetables - the ones she bought from the marketplace - in the pantries. She then looks to me with the exact bemused expression she wore days ago, on the day of the coronation.
"If I may ask, Father, but aren't those suit and pants supposed to be the ones you brought from Earth, and weren't they originally black and grey?" Fluttershy inquires
"Yes..." I reply, my faux smile waning upon the reminder of my attire's former dull glory. "They were supposed to be black and grey."
My daughter trots up to me, brows partially narrowed. "I'm going to presume he's responsible for the color change?"
"Yes..." I repeat the same answer in a flat tone. "But it was for a good reason, Fluttershy."
She raises a brow. "What reason, exactly?"
"I begged him not to use a particular prank, and he would do so if I allowed him to change their color," I explain.
"But you loved how they initially looked, Father! Discord shouldn't have coerced you into making a decision you didn't like!" she exclaims with a stamp of her hoof, which oddly doesn't make a sound.
"Not like I had a choice," I sigh, running a palm from my forehead down to my chin. "Much as I dislike the choice of color and the stupid smiley faces, Twilight seems to be fond of them, at least."
"I still think it's wrong. Discord had no right to do that to you, Father," Fluttershy angrily says. "I will be sure he apologizes to you by the end of the day."
"Aw, you don't have to go to such lengths. It's merely a harmless prank." I snap my gaze to the cuckoo clock mounted on a wall to my left as it reads four on the nose. "Well...I should get going. I'll probably be back in a few hours. Maybe less, depending on how the date goes." I proceed walking over to the door, hand gripping on its handle.
"Um, Father," my daughter says, nodding to the coffee table where my Nike sneakers are underneath, "your shoes?"
I look at her with a spaced stare. I then look down at my socked feet to see that I have indeed forgotten to put on the shoes. Again. My cheeks burn a sheepish red as I head to the table.
"Sheesh, I can be that one-track-minded, huh?" I joke half-heartedly, snatching the Nike sneakers and putting them on.
Fluttershy angelically giggles. "Not everypony is perfect, Father," she says placatingly, sauntering up to me. "It's of the few endearing aspects that make you you."
I chuckle with a reinforced smile. "My dear Shy, it's times like this that I count myself lucky to have you as my daughter."
"And I count myself lucky to have you as my father," Fluttershy says, beaming at me.
After I get done tying the shoelaces, I turn to her and kneel on one knee, arms wide open. My daughter eagerly moves in and wraps her forehooves around my chest, or tries to as my anatomy wouldn't allow it. I close my arms around her and groom her pink tresses, nerves tingling positively by the touch. My daughter hums happily.
Eventually, we part ourselves, much as I wanted it to last a tad longer, and I believe Fluttershy wanted to, too, evident by the disappointment in her eyes.
"I want a hug, too!" Dinky cries indignantly from behind.
I stand up and spin to her. "Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you," I say with a laugh. Dinky releases her hold on Angel and the rabbit takes the golden opportunity to hightail it out of here.
The filly balances on her hind legs on the couch's cushions, slightly wobbling while she reaches out for me.
I make two large quick steps and scoop her up in a cradling arm. With my free hand, I fold all the digits except my index finger. She stares at it, oblivious to my plan. I point it at her face and inch it closer to her snout agonizingly slow, and her eyes cross when I boop her nose. Dinky lets out a small giggle. I then use the tip of the same finger to tickle her little tummy. Dinky's cheeks puff up before bursting into a paroxysm of squeaky laughter, the kind of laugh that would melt anyone's heart if they were within earshot.
Rather ticklish, isn't she?
I do it a couple more times as I find her laugh adorably amusing. I glance back at my daughter, who is smiling wistfully at us. She must be reminiscing the times when I used to do this to her as a filly. Thinking back on it now, this also has me feeling wistful. Sure she's gotten older and has noticeably gained a few pounds. But when would that ever stop me from trying?
I give Dinky another tickle and hug her close before setting her back down on the sofa. The filly beams up at me and climbs off the couch to go search for her furry escapee.
I swivel to Fluttershy, calling her name, with a tone soft as a chinchilla's fur, and with parental authority in tandem, "My dear Shy, come here."
"But Father, don't you have to-"
"I know," I cut her off. "I'd like for you to come over here for a moment, though."
She shoots me a quizzical stare, then she nods compliantly and trots up in front of me. "Alright, Father, I'm here. What do you- Eep!"
"Upsy-daisy!" I say as I quickly bend down and pick her up by the barrel. My dear Shy instinctively curls her hooves over her chest as I stand upright and cradle her in my arms. Hoo boy, she's a mite heftier than the last time I held her. But what does it matter when one has the most beautiful creature in their arms?
I abstain from grunting as I hoist her up more until her face is close to mine, and I initiate by nuzzling her muzzle. Fluttershy makes a graceful snort, doing her best to keep herself from giggling. Hmm. Perhaps I should up the ante. And by that, I mean tickle. I simply must hear her laugh.
I carefully slide an arm out - one arm now straining to keep Fluttershy aloft - and I hover a claw-like hand just above her belly, a sly smile playing on my lips.
My daughter's eyes widen as she becomes fully aware of what I'm about to do. She opens her mouth to say something, but she then erupts into a giggling fit when I start tickling her stomach with the nails of my clawed hand. There it is. It's music to my ears to hear her sweet laughter. My fingers sort of sink into her pudgy tummy as I continue my tickly assault.
Remember when I said Dinky's laugh could melt anyone's heart? Well let me again tell you this that my daughter's laugh is so undeniably cute and graceful, I swear it can melt the iciest of icy hearts. Probably even a Windigo's. I don't care if I end up tardy on my first date with Twilight, this is just too precious. I could throw in an excuse that I got caught up in something and hope Twilight will buy it. I'll have to think up of something convinceable, is the problem.
My daughter's eyes begin to water, and her hind legs barely kick the air. Her giggles are compared to that of a drug because I am grossly addicted to them, and I simply cannot get enough of them. I have a hidden sense that many other people second the notion mutually. Any lingering worries and anxiety about the date I had then are gone without a trace and are replaced by mounting fondness and adoration. I smile a heartwarming smile at my giggling daughter.
I finally cease the tickling and pull my hand away so she can collect herself. She calms down and wipes away the waters from her eyes before nuzzling my chin. I return the kindness by nuzzling her forehead.
I lower her down afterward and glance at the cuckoo clock. Twelve past four? Meh. Not much time has been lost. Still, I can alternate between walking and jogging (mostly walking) on the way to Twilight's to make up the lost amount of time.
'And while you're on the idea, be sure to grab that map because I sure as hell don't want your dumb ass to get lost like the last time,' my brain harshly reminds.
How very thoughtful of you... I respond sarcastically.
I walk up to Fluttershy's saddlebag hanging on the hat rack stand and dig into until I grab the sought out map. "Well, I'll be going now," I say, opening the front door. I suddenly halt when my daughter gives me one last tight hug around my leg.
"Please travel safe, Father. I love you," she coos.
"I will, my dear Shy. I love you, too," I reply. With that said, as Fluttershy releases my leg, I wave goodbye to her and Dinky as I journey out the cottage and down towards Ponyville with the map in hand.
Today has been rather...hmm. What words can I coin up to describe today's experience?
Abnormally-smooth? No.
Unusually-swell? Negative.
Extraordinarily-okay? Too many syllables.
Let me plainly say today has been surprisingly-well, thus far.
I know it may sound pessimistic of me for saying that, but I have this looming sensethat the universe has something ominous in store for me. I just bloody know it. One could say it's comparable to Spider-Man's spidey-senses. The difference being is it's in my gut.
Or it could very well be the anxiety coming back with a vengeance, as I'm still debating whether to get Twilight a gift or not. Then again, I don't have the wherewithal to buy one, anyway.
Unless I sneakily snatch one right under a merchant's nose.
I kid. I'm not that scummy, and I would not risk getting into trouble and ruin any chance of fitting in with their society. And I suppose to avoid retribution.
Is Twilight even expecting me to bring a gift anyway? I'm getting a throbbing headache just from asking myself these unanswered questions repeatedly.
'You do know you also promised Twilight you'd play the violin for her, right?' my brain reminds like the considerate organ it is.
Oh gee, you bring that up now?! I snap at my other half. I'm already on the rack as is! You want us to have a bowel movement?!
'Just a friendly reminder,' my brain replies calmly, doing its best to ease my anxiety. 'Besides, should you encounter any trouble, per se, you'll have a reasonable excuse for being late. Right?'
That doesn't reassure or comfort me at all! I whine. I even left Silver back at the cottage since today has been going peachy-keen so far!'
'Relax! You're getting yourself worked up over nothing! I mean, sure, it's your first date, that I understand. But getting neurotic about it isn't going to help. You need to act all nonchalant and be yourself.'
I hit the outskirts of Ponyville after several minutes of uneventful walking. I keep my attention divided on the map and my surroundings as I continually meander down the dirt road.
I briefly tear my vision away from the map to gaze up, watching the pegasi above move some clouds in punctual timing just as the ether subtly shifts from an oceanic-blue to golden-amber.
It was like a giant invisible hand of God took a paintbrush and stroke it across the sky.
The temperature has changed, too. Only by a minuscule. Still, I'm thankful it's gotten colder, and Mother Nature guerdons me with a gentle, breezy kiss on my face.
There are fewer ponies here than the last time I was here, and, to my utter lack of surprise, some of them thronged to my left and right look at me like I'm hairy at the heel as per the usual whenever I'm present.
My ears catch their maunderings as I walk by, but the distance makes it difficult to make out what they're saying. I have the intuitive guess it's about me.
Maybe it's my realistic appearance, similar to Eddie Valiant in ToonTown? I sure as hell would stare if I were in their shoes (or horseshoes in an equine sense). Another example would be Candy Wife on the Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack.
I'll downright admit that that thing scared me when I was younger. And now thinking about it, it still does. It's unnervingly uncanny to see a three-dimensional character in a two-dimensional world.
But that's only an assumption. I'd go and inquire, but I'm already late enough as is, so I instead pin my focus on the map and the path ahead, no longer paying even a sliver of attention to the mumbling onlookers.
I scan the map studiously to know if I'm still on the right path. Much to my relief, I am, and I lower the map to see a familiar stocky hollowed-out tree that is the Golden Oak Library up ahead. I roll up the map and continue my mental convo.
That's what I'm afraid of, though: what if I inadvertently say something offensive or blurt out anything obscenely stupid?
'Well then think your words before you speak them, which is unlikely because this is you we're talking about after all since you have a nasty habit of speaking your mind aloud.'
I glare daggers at the nothingness in front of me, and a few ponies who've seen my glare distance themselves further.
It'd be so nice if you were a separate being so I could kick you in the family jewels.
'I'm just speaking the truth. Must you get so aggressive?'
I'm agitatedly aggressive now, no thanks to you.
'I don't think those two words can coalesce. You're agitated and aggressive is more proper,' my brain emends.
Okay, smart guy! How about you take control and deal with the date yourself!
I stop right on the outdoor mat, with the word 'Welcome' written on it.
'Whoa there! I appreciate the offer, but we both know the moment you grant me total management, I will walk on over to Twilight's and deliberately cancel our date. You may be into that kind of stuff, but I sure as hell am not.'
What exactly do you mean by "into that kind of stuff"?
My brain imitates an exasperated sigh. 'Let me reiterate: say you're on a boat which represents your life, and the riverbed is the course your life floats through. It has separated currents that represent choices. You picturing this yet?'
Yeah, I'm picturing it.
'Good. Now, imagine you're the captain of the said vessel, and I'm your first mate; I've been by your side ever since, and I've condoned some of the questionable passages you've chosen. But the minute you drove the boat right towards the current with the waterfall, I pinched my nose and abandoned ship. Are you getting the gist of what I've been saying?'
I ponder over his words, and the rusty cogs inside my mind then click to life and spin.
Wait, are you saying you have a problem with Twilight? I question in disbelief.
'Yes,' my brain curtly says.
What the hell do you have against her?
'Oh, I don't have that much against her. There's one, itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny problem about her that severely irks me, though.'
And what is it?
'She's a pony!'
A sentient, pastel-colored pony whose intellect is in the same league as Stephen Hawking and Albert Einstein.
'Who cares! It still baffles me that you even dared to consider having a date with her.'
I'm at least giving it a try. There's no harm in that. I mean seriously? Does dating a pony bother you that much?'
'Where do you think your prejudices come from, Einstein?' my brain retorts. 'I'm the predominant side that bears all your logic, irrational phobias and prejudices."
I figured as much. Can you set those two last things aside for the rest of the day, at least?
'Fine. Whatever. Just as long as it stays platonic; if the date gets...intimate,' my brain shudders at the word, 'I'm going to intervene. Got it?'
Sure. I suppose that's fair enough, I assent. Though I doubt anything will happen under one date.
'...You serious?' my brain says, clearly unamused. 'Care to say that again after the several times she's tried to woo you? Remember that time on the stairs-'
D-Don't need to go there! I quickly interrupt. I can vividly recall that scenario, unfortunately... But she only did those things because Rarity told her to; on the day of her coronation, when we sat down and talked, she admitted she found it uncomfortable as well.
'I remember, and I guess that's a fair point,' my brain concedes. 'But still, don't expect my opinion to change after this one date.'
I never would expect you to.
'Good. Have fun, I guess.'
With that said and done, I lean forward and ball my hand into a fist to knock on the door. For some strange reason, I freeze just when my knuckles are inches from the door; the inside of my stomach begins to churn like there's a maelstrom of profound anxiety swirling within, and this overwhelming feeling causes me to pull my hand away.
Damn. Why am I letting my anxiety get the better of me? I've dealt with situations far more stressful than this. Is it due to my stubborn prejudice, or could it be my severe lack of confidence? The latter makes a lot more sense.
I could be dawdling here all day asking more stupid questions about personal issues, but I need to suck it up (or as my foster father worded it: gird one's loins). I can't let my fears or perturbation deter me. If Robin can date an alien, then so can I.
'Starfire, despite being an alien, is humanoid, which is contrary to a pony. Not a sound comparison,' my brain says matter-of-factly.
Quiet, you.
'Just saying.'
I take a deep breath and exhale to push the fears and worries aside, replacing them with steely determination. I then lean forward and extend a shaky fist towards the door, giving it a trio of weak knocks with the knuckles of my fingers.
It is certain Twilight can hear that since ponies are renowned for their aural acuity (I don't know if I've covered this in a previous log already), and it proves true when she hollers from inside her house, "Coming!"
There's gentle clopping behind the door, and they grow louder within each passing second until they stop.
"I pray I'm presentable enough," I whisper in a jittery tone, smoothing out my suit as I stand up straight like some British guard.
'About as presentable in a McDonald's commercial...'
The door clicks and creaks ajar by a paltry of inches, and I see a purple-irised eye peeking out of the small crack. The owner of said eye lightly gasps and closes the door afterward.
Several seconds later, the door swings open immediately without warning that I almost jumped, revealing a beaming Twilight Sparkle.
"Ah, Rick! It's great to see you!" Twilight says, excitement burgeoning in her countenance.
I was expecting Twilight to be wearing make-up, or perhaps in a fancy dress. But she isn't. She's as plain-looking and naked as she has been. Nothing out of the ordinary. There is, however, a cloying fragrance of lilac invading my nostrils. It's almost enough to make me gag.
"I wondered when you'd arrive!" Twilight adds.
"Let's just say I've hit some bumps along the way here," I lie. "Hope I'm not awfully late."
'Nailed it,' my brain says.
"Twenty-seven minutes is nothing to fuss over," Twilight scoffs with a roll of her eyes. She studies me from bottom to top thoroughly. "I see you're wearing those clothes," she notes.
I scratch the back of my neck out of sheepishness. "Yeah... If I have to be honest with you, Twilight, I was quite disinclined to, uh, wearing these."
"Disinclined? Can you elaborate?" Twilight asks, tilting her head.
"Disinclined as in that I'm...not too keenly fond of them. I mean I was, but, I..." I trail off, trying to come up with an articulate explanation of my distaste for the colorful suit and how it turned out the way it was. I decide not to and just sigh, going with a simple reply. "What I'm getting at is that I don't like them."
"Then why would you wear them if you don't like them?"
"Well... Because..." I begin with a faint blush, "I remembered how much you adored the color and smiley faces, and I thought it best against my judgment that I'd wear them for you," I elucidate my reason.
A hue of pink touches Twilight's cheeks as she says, "That's incredibly sweet of you, Rick."
I scratch the scruff of my neck once more as I avert my gaze from hers, by finding the ground somehow interesting.
"D-don't mention it," I say, shyly. I look back up at her and add, "I also thought about getting you a gift, but I couldn't since I didn't have the money. My apologies."
"No need to be sorry," Twilight dismisses, the blush still glowing on her visage. "I wasn't expecting you to get me anything on our first date. Still, it's very thoughtful of you to think about me." The alicorn steps aside, nodding her head at me to step inward.
Granted wordless entry, I nod at her and slightly bend down as I enter head first, careful not to bonk my head on the arched door jamb during the process.
Once inside, I turn halfway and see a sparkling, rosy aura surround Twilight's horn, and the handle on the door becomes enveloped in the same misty magic. By her telekinetic command, the door creakily closes shut, and the aura around her horn and the door's handle fades away.
I slowly stand up to my full height, head inches away from touching the ceiling, and give the living room a cursory glance as there's nothing notably different the last time I visited this place. Well, nothing save for the short stack of books, a rectangular case, and rolled-up parchment sitting on the table ahead of me. I'm lead to presume those are the books she wants us to read together.
As for the case, I haven't the foggiest idea.
Dust-filled, aureate beams of the midday's sun spills forth from the room's only window, like a waterfall of brilliant light, and it gives the whole area a sense of coziness.
I scan the room to find out someone is missing. "I'm going to guess Spike is up in your room?" I ask.
"I had Rarity come over and pick him up so we can have the place to ourselves," she replies with an innocent smile.
I raise a skeptical brow only for a moment, since I'm not confidently sure how I should feel about being alone with Twilight and that smile of hers. I mean, I do trust her, and I don't think she'll dare to try anything funny, like Family Guy Quagmire kind of funny.
At least that's what I'm counting on.
"I see," I simply say. "Well, what do you say we get to reading then, huh?"
"Actually..." Twilight begins as her horn glows, and I turn my neck to see the parchment next to the stacked books take the air and gently hover past me over to her. "I've prepared a list, and here I thought we could start it off by chatting on the sofa with freshly-made tea."
"Sorry if I might be blunt to ask why? Just out of curiosity."
"I wanted to continue where we left off from Father's Day; I'd like to know more about you," Twilight answers.
"Oh, right. I forgot about that," I say.
The alicorn levitates the list over to me so I can examine it, and indeed she's already had listed down several (about four, really) things we'd do together. She even has them time-stamped. She sure holds the reputation for being organized. Although, there is something crossed off to oblivion right above the 'chat'.
I'm not sure whether my lateness coerced Twilight into a change of plan, or it was a mistake.
Twilight clops her hooves together. "I've been looking forward to this!" she says in an excited tone.
I linger on the parchment for another minute and see that she wants me to play the violin for her as the very last thing. That reassures me somewhat. Although I wonder if Twilight will reconsider it if I explained my troubled past with the violin?
Maybe not right now. When the moment comes, I will.
Next on the list after the chat is 'Synonym Game.' I'm familiar with word games such as Scrabble, but this is new to me. I'll have to wait for Twilight to explain what it is when we get to it.
After that is 'stargazing on the balcony'. Well, that's something I'm going to look forward to doing.
I flinch-blink when the parchment suddenly rolls up and flies over to the table to perch on it.
"I'll go ahead and start making tea!" Twilight says, trotting over to the kitchen that's part of the living room. Is it just me, or has she always had a kitchen? I never paid any real attention during my previous visits. "And feel free to look around for the time being!"
I sort of do just that by approaching the bookshelves, surveying her vast collection of books, and such. They're alphabetized, which comes hardly a shocker. There are a few that I'd recognize as ponified versions of popular novels, take for Moby Dick.
I'm...not going to comment on it.
I focus on Twilight, for now, to see how she prepares her tea.
As she approaches the wood-burning type of stove, she magically opens a wooden cabinet from her left and pulls out a tiny wooden box and a metallic kettle, and then she snatches a small log from a short pile of logs near the stove.
She rests the kettle on the stove after filling it with tap water from the kitchen's sink as she opens the firebox to throw the log inside. The alicorn shoots a sparky bolt of magic at the log to ignite it before quickly closing the firebox and the dampers.
All of that done quickly in a simultaneous fashion, and I can't help but be a touch green with envy. Magic can be so awesome sometimes.
"Thanks! I could help teach you if you'd like!" Twilight offers.
I blink dumbly. It takes another second of me blankly staring at Twilight to realize that I must have spoken my mind aloud, and I slap a palm to my forehead.
"Sorry, that was meant to be kept in thought..." I say with a faint blush. "I appreciate the offer, but I'll have to pass. I wouldn't want to waste your time or anything."
The alicorn turns to face me with a bright smile as she zips right up in front of me, and I make one backward step from the suddenness of her movements. She gazes up into my eyes, enthused. "It'd be no trouble!" Twilight eagerly insists. A bit too insistent, I'd dare say. I reckon the prospect of tutoring somebody magic may be very exciting for her.
It does seem promising, what with the limitless possibilities I could do if I learned the arts of arcane and wizardry. Although would I be able to? And exactly how long would it take to master just one spell? And what if I screw up a spell and accidentally turn myself into a pickle?
That would certainly bring a whole new level of being cool as a cucumber.
...
I have the asinine habit of making lame jokes like that out of the blue, huh?
Anyway, after several seconds of thinking it over, I reply, "I'm... indecisive at the moment; I'll come up with an answer after we have our chat."
The twinkle in Twilight's eyes vanish. Not out of disappointment, as it would seem. She still has that look of anticipation crossed on her visage. "Very well," Twilight says, turning around and trotting back up to the stove once the kettle starts whistling, the wooden box still held in her magical grasp.
She magically lifts the kettle off the stove while pulling out a metal tray, a teapot, and two teacups from the same wooden cabinet she got the wooden box from. Opening both the box and the kettle's lid, black leaves fly out of the wooden container and into the kettle.
Closing the box and putting it back into the cabinet where it belongs, Twilight proceeds to telekinetically grab another necessity such as cubes of sugar while the leaves steep in the kettle.
After some time, she carefully pours the fresh, piping hot tea from the kettle into the teapot, places the kettle in the sink, and trots on over to a small table in front of her couch with the levitating sugar cubes, tray, teapot, saucers, and teacups floating above her.
Placing the tray down first, she deposits the rest of the things atop the tray and settles down on the couch.
"All done!" Twilight chimes. She pats the empty cushion next to her, and I accept the invitation by slowly sitting down with a soft pomf!. "I hope you like black tea."
"If I enjoy my black coffee, then I'm sure I'll enjoy black tea," I say as I lean forward to grab the teapot, to which it slides out of my reach.
"Here, let me do it. You're my guest after all," Twilight says.
I stare at her with a slightly annoyed look before laying back with a curt shrug. The floating pot tilts forward as the tea pours out from its spout into the cup. Once the cup is half full, Twilight grasps it in her magic and proffers it to me.
I carefully pinch at the cup's ridges and nod for Twilight to kill her magic, which she does, and I hold it up to my lips as I take a slight sip.
A bit bland without any sweetness. Just the way I like it.
With another sip, the mildly-hot tea entering my body, I hum approvingly and relax.
"That's some good tea," I comment.
"Thanks! I'm glad to hear that," Twilight beams a proud smile. Using her magic, she pours herself some tea, lifts the full teacup off its saucer, and takes a slight, soundless sip. "So Fluttershy has mentioned to me that you've been writing a novel. Is it okay if I ask what it is?"
I finish my cup before replying, "Well, it's been a work-in-progress for, uh, a while; I can't say precisely how long ago since I've started it or how long I've been working on it, but it's titled Light and Darkness."
"Oh? How fascinating!" Twilight says with prodigious interest. "And might I ask what it is about?"
"As the title would suggest, it's about the Light and Dark and the eternal conflict with one another. I figured that, as a twist, a man inheriting the darkness would be the main protagonist."
"Oh? That is a twist," Twilight agrees.
"And I wanted to build the world and explain how darkness isn't all that evil or scary like many perceive it to be; I wanted to explain how darkness is simply misunderstood and show how it is loving and kind."
"Sounds almost similar to Celestia and Luna," Twilight comments. She then levitates the teapot in front of me. "Refill?"
"Yes, please," I reply, holding out the cup as she goes to refill it. "Anyway," I continue, "I always had this idea that the dark was originally the kindest and loving essence. But I can never seem to find the right words or describe the atmosphere in a specific way that I envision it."
Twilight sets the teapot back onto the platter. "Well I'd be more than happy to help, Rick. Don't be afraid to ask. From what you explained, it really does sound thrilling. But you know, the prime reason Darkness is popularly characterized as evil is due to an equilibrium."
"An equi-what?"
"Equilibrium. It means a state in which opposing forces or influences are balanced," Twilight recites the definition. "I've done some research on this myself, and I firmly believe the reason darkness is predetermined to be evil is to maintain a universal balance. I'm sure you're familiar with the saying 'one thing cannot exist without the other'?"
"Indeed I am."
"And while I'm not trying to disbar your opinion or idea about it, but knowing the light as the celestial embodiment of good, there has to be an opposite force in order to keep everything in balance. In which case, it'd be darkness."
"I suppose that makes sense with the way you explained it," I say with a sage nod. Sipping half my tea away, I smack my lips and continue, "But I wanted to make the concept somewhat different. Like a role reversal."
"I see," Twilight says in passing. She drinks the rest of her tea before setting the cup on its saucer, taking a few quiet seconds to think. She looks to me and asks, "What do you think about kids, Rick?"
"Kids?" I say in a spurted chuckle. "That's a weird question to ask on our first date, don't you think?"
Twilight blinks once, and then her whole face burns bright red. "I-I meant it in a way t-that you get along with kids pretty well!" She sputters. "I d-didn't mean to insinuate-"
"Relax, Twilight. I know what you intended to ask in that question. I was just yanking your chain there."
While it was harmless and only for the fun of it, Twilight's unamused frown says otherwise.
I immediately remove my grin faster than Lando Calrissian gets turned on by a toaster oven in his bedroom and reply, "Uh, regarding your question, I think kids are okay; they can be fun to hang around with sometimes. In a way, they remind me of my youth- So full of innocence and energy; I wish that all stays as time lets on. I guess I still am a kid at heart, to be honest.
Twilight ditches her glare and looks at me, a bit sympathetic.
"Have you ever had these thoughts, Twilight?" I ask.
"Sometimes," Twilight admits, "and there have been instances where I wanted to take back some mistakes I've made as a filly. But, those mistakes have helped me learn not to repeat them. It's all part of growing up."
"I suppose. It's just...well..." I pause to breathe out a depressed sigh. "I've made lots of mistakes back then, and several of them I wish I could take back in a heartbeat, and I probably wouldn't have become the miserable, discourteous, narcissistic man I once was. I probably would have gotten happily married. I would have gotten a far better job. I also wouldn't have had made all the people who knew me hate me."
"That can't be true at all," Twilight argues. "Surely there had to have been a single soul who liked you."
There indeed was... My mind flashes back to the day when I first met Tina in that grocery store, and then to the day when she tried asking me out on a date, and lastly...the phone call. I remain silent as those memories play inside my head. A pang of guilt hits me in the heart, and I clutch my chest with a right hand. I look down at my tea and see my distorted face's reflection in it.
"There was at least one..." I say in a loud, sullen whisper. "A woman..."
"A woman? Did this woman... I mean, was this woman..."
"No, she wasn't my fiance or anything related to that. Just a friend," I cut her off, as I expected what her question was going to be. My solemn gaze remains in the teacup as I gently swirl the liquid inside it. "Although would it be right to even call her a friend? She was such a nice and kind person to me, she was the reason I even managed to get into that position as a journalist. And all I ever did was try to make up stupid excuses just to avoid her or get her to leave me alone. She did not deserve to be treated like that after all she's done for me. She sure as hell did not deserve a guy like me. What she saw in me, I never knew." I stop swirling the tea and quickly gulp up the rest of it.
"What makes you think that?" Twilight asks.
"What do you mean? I literally just said it; I kept doing my best to avoid her because I was a miserable and lonely man who only looked out for himself, all thanks to my foster father and his influences. And was it wrong to think that way? I don't know! It sure got me all the things I could ask for.
"I had a house. A job. A car. A television. All of these I earned."
"But not completely on your own, though," Twilight states. "Even though you liked to believe you've gotten so far in life all on your own, you had others to help you."
"And to be honest, I hated that fact; while I was grateful to an extent, I never asked anybody for anything because-"
"Because you don't want to be too dependant on others, do you? Your foster father taught you to be reliant only on yourself, and you kept your heart only to yourself, fearing that relying on others would make you weak. Is that right?"
I don't reply right away. I narrow my brows as I stare down at the now-empty teacup. My other hand wraps and tightens its hold around the teacup, but not too much as I fear that I'll crack it.
After being grimly silent for a few seconds, I soften my grip on the cup and reply, "Yes. It is the reason why I believed she deserved someone better than me. The only thing I did to repay the kindness was that I called her and explained to her I was leaving."
"Did she ask why?"
"Of course she did. The problem was that I couldn't tell her why, and you know why, too." I tear my gaze away from the cup and finally stare at the alicorn mare. "The question I've been meaning to get off my chest is this, Twilight: was it selfish?"
"Selfish?" Twilight quizzes with a raised brow.
"After learning what friendship truly meant, and how I could have made things right, was it selfish of me to abandon her without even telling her why? Was it outright selfish of me to abandon everything? Everything, just to be with Fluttershy?"
Twilight stays quiet for a few thoughtful seconds.
"What matters is what your heart desired. Do you think it was selfish, Rick? Do you think it was selfish to leave your world, to sacrifice everything you've worked up for, to be with Fluttershy?
"The way I see it, you followed your heart because you believed doing so would make you happy. Are you happy, Rick? Are you happy you got to be reunited with Fluttershy and fulfill your promise to her?"
"Of course I am!" I say, affronted by her question. "And I have no regrets upon making that decision!"
Twilight then complacently smirks, which has me tilting my head.
"There's your answer. Whatever's been done has been done. And if you don't have any regrets, you should just press on forward without looking behind."
"I-" and that's where I shut my trap.
I contemplate over her words and realize that she's right. Everything I've done up to this point, all my decisions which brought me to this world was because I followed what my heart desired, and that was to be with my dear Shy. The weight of regret on my shoulders disappear. I feel relieved and a little more at peace with my past decisions.
"I... Er, I mean, t-thank you, Twilight. I feel slightly better now."
"Not a problem!" Twilight beams. "Just remember that as a friend, I'm here to help if something is bothering you," she says, placing a comforting hoof on my elbow.
I smile at her, putting my hand over her hoof. I widen my eyes from realizing how much time must have gone by. I quickly twist my neck to the cuckoo clock mounted on the wall and see it's way past the 'chat' limit.
"Oh, shoot... I feel ashamed that I just prattled the entire session away. Now we won't get to do that 'Synonym Game' you wanted."
"It's okay, Rick. Even if things don't go according to plan, we can still enjoy the other things I have planned," Twilight says, rubbing my elbow. "How about we just continue enjoying our tea until it gets dark."
I hum with an approving nod. We continue to sit on the couch in placid silence, smiling at each other.
Twilight and I remain seated on her sofa, taking deliberate sips out of our teacups. I would sometimes throw her a sideways glance, and she would do the same and add in a friendly smile, which I match hers with a cordial smile of my own.
This is my heaven without all those noisy animals and Discord's occasional pranks (funny as they may be).
"Is that why you're looking for a place of your own?" Twilight asks.
Chagrined, I exhale an exasperated sigh. The serenity of this place has gotten me thinking too clearly.
"Yes," I confirm. "But that doesn't mean I didn't love spending every moment with my daughter."
"I never would question it. I get where you're coming from, Rick," Twilight says reassuringly. "There's only so much you can tolerate before it starts negatively affecting your psyche."
"When you have friends like Pinkie Pie, I can imagine," I chuckle. Twilight giggles.
"She's quite the enigmatic character."
I can think of another 'pink' character with an "enigmatic mindset".
"That, I wholeheartedly agree." I take a quiet sip before continuing. "And I'm sure you can imagine how chaotic it can be at my dear Shy's cottage, especially when Discord often visits."
"Oh, for sure," Twilight agrees. "Discord also tends to unexpectedly and inexplicably visit on... unseasonable circumstances," she adds with an embarrassed blush. I'd inquire what she means yet at the same time my intuitiveness suggests it'd be best not to.
"I'll bet. Not much happens around your place, does it?" I ask.
"Oh, how I wish I could tell you that," Twilight chuckles nervously. "The only pet I have here is Owlowiscious, and he's not much of a talker or a troublemaker. Thank goodness. Spike can cause a mishap here and there. But he's young and quickly learns from his mistakes. Almost every day is an adventure of sorts.
With her teacup coated in her violet, sparkly aura, Twilight brings it up to her lips to sip the remainder of her tea before gently setting it down on its respective saucer.
"Pleasant days like this are a rare occurrence," Twilight continues. "Some time ago, back when I used to be a filly, before Spike hatched out of his egg, I spent several of my filly years at Celestia's castle where I had quietude and a massive library of books to myself. In short, it was a bookworm's paradise. Well, my paradise."
"And that's the kind of thing I'd want. I'd like to live a quiet life and get to do stuff I'm interested in," I prattle on. "However, that won't be possible until I get a house permit. Have you heard anything from Princess Celestia about it?"
"I haven't. Though you should be thoughtful about what Celestia goes through. You may not know it, but she's been preoccupied with serious affairs and royal duties such as conciliations, writing laws, and so forth," Twilight says.
Her words strike some guilt into my conscience, and I hide my face behind my teacup to take a quick sip. Once I'm done drinking and reflecting, I lower the teacup and resume the conversation.
"My apologies for my ignorance. She's a very busy mare, isn't she?"
"Busier than you know, and I'm not exaggerating. Celestia bears a lot of responsibility. While she sleeps, Luna handles the nightly affairs in her place. I'd even say they have little to no time for themselves."
"Sheesh. How I would hate to be royalty." Twilight narrows her eyes at me. "Only speaking my mind. At least intentionally, this time." She drops the scowl and sighs exhaustingly.
"It's fine. I know these things well enough that I can handle it, what with all the friendship lessons that led up to this momentous attainment." She flares her pegasus wings as proof.
"Being a princess seems pretty stressful," I comment.
"It is," Twilight confirms. "Coffee and tea can only do so much to get me through the day without losing my sanity. Talking to you and drinking tea has been quite relaxing."
I give Twilight a wan smirk.
"Well, that makes me somewhat happy to hear that. Not many people, or ponies, seem to enjoy me or my company," I say.
"Surely you jest," Twilight argues. "If they get to know you better, I'm sure they would find you likeable and interesting. Sometimes it is best to go out and look for friends instead of waiting for them. You know, establishing a positive rapport with the townsfolk. How else would you have met Ditzy if you didn't go over to calm down Dinky?"
"You're right about that," I admit with a nod, briefly recalling the scenario. "Though I want to take it slow with the "making friends" stuff. I appreciate the support and everything, but I'd like to keep my list short if you get my meaning."
"I understand," Twilight agrees. "Best to do it at a leisurely pace and not tackle everything at once. I wouldn't want to overwhelm you since, as you've stated earlier, you've only been here for about a month. Take the time you need to adjust."
"Thanks. I appreciate the thoughtfulness."
"Anytime!" Twilight says with a beaming smile.
That said, Twilight and I drop into temporary silence. Silent enough that my ears can faintly hear the tick tock sounds of the cuckoo clock. Speaking of which, I briefly look at the cuckoo clock on the wooden wall to my right, the small hand between six and seven and the big hand almost on six. Sheesh. We talked for almost an hour and thirty minutes. I didn't think time would fly that fast just by chatting.
I don't know what else I should do, and given that Twilight hasn't spoken another word, she's probably thinking of a way to start up a different topic or subject. Even our teacups are empty, and the kettle must have run out of tea since she hasn't offered another refill. Soon the silence becomes an awkward silence as I look between my teacup and Twilight. I wonder if she's expecting me to say anything.
This is probably my best time to tell Twilight why I'm not particularly eager to play the violin. I could talk about other things until we'd get to the other things on her agenda. However, not only is it selfish, but it also puts my wants over hers. Twilight has been excited about this date and enthusiastic about getting to know me more. I even showed up late. What sort of imbecile promises their first date night and shows up late?
Me. I'm the imbecile.
It's just like with Tina; I never bothered to ask or understand how Tina felt about me. Twilight is right. I need to put the harsh past behind me and move on ahead; I shouldn't let my terrible memories stop me from playing the violin, especially when Twilight has been anxiously looking forward to it. Twilight also did say she spends most of her days writing paperwork now that she's a princess. Not to mention she does often get into perilous and whacky adventures.
It's the least I can do. She deserves it.
I raise my head to look at the alicorn and gulp down my anxiety.
"Twilight, I have to be honest with you, yet I'd like to ask two quick questions beforehand. If you don't mind."
"Sure," Twilight replies.
I turn my neck much as I can to look at the table's rectangular case (which I think is made out of black ironwood) on the table. "The case on the table there. Does it happen to contain a violin?"
"Yes," Twilight nods.
I return my gaze to Twilight. "I had a hunch." I hesitate to ask the second question, yet I press on anyway. "How badly do you want to hear me play the violin?"
"To tell you the truth, Rick, when I heard that sterling performance back at Canterlot, I really, REALLY wanted to hear another performance from you. I found it so... emotionally-moving, for lack of a better word."
"The adulation touches me. Truly," I say, grateful. The anxiety I pushed back returns even greater that it's making my stomach churn a bit. "If I have to be completely honest with you, Twilight, when I read your things-to-do list, I... dreaded upon seeing that you wanted me to play the violin."
Twilight's beaming expression twists into confusion.
"Dreaded?" Twilight asks, bemused.
"As in feared," I clarify, "and the reason as to why is..."
I narrate my embarrassing incident without putting in too much detail. There are some parts where I struggle to speak, especially on the wetting part. I bottle in my emotions to the best of my ability for the sake of my pride as a man. Twilight listens attentively and reacts appropriately. By the time I finish my story, Twilight scoots a couple of inches closer and comforts me by rubbing my forearm.
"Oh, Rick... I am deeply sorry you had to experience all of that," Twilight consoles. "Had I known sooner, I wouldn't have-"
"Hey, hey," I interrupt with a raised palm, "there's no need to stress over it. Initially my reason for telling you about it was I figured you'd give it a pass. But, after everything you said about focusing on the present, aiming to be a better man, and being considerate of others, I've decided to be put your interests above mine. After all, we made a deal, and I'm not the type of man to back out on it."
I stare at the alicorn as I hold her hoof with both hands before pulling her in for a hug.
"Thank you, Twilight, for listening and for your compassion."
"Y-you're welcome, R-Rick!" Twilight stammers, blushingly. She softly pats the back of my left shoulder with a hoof. "Although you should give a mare a warning next time!"
I release her and scoot back. "S-sorry. I tried to hold back my strength a bit."
"It's no trouble," Twilight reassures as she still has the blush on her visage. "It was pretty unexpected. If you used more muscle in that hug you would've broken my spine!" she jokes.
"Aw, you're such a kidder!" I laugh. "Anyway, now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's crack open that violin case!"
