Hello, and welcome to the world of Equestria! I'm Professor Discord! Equestria is inhabited by ponies! You're here to cause havoc and chaos for them! Tell me, what's your name? Geo? That's a nice name… Wait, what're yo
So, I died. That happened. Struck on the head by Zeus. or Thor. And then I was pulled in here by the Loki ripoff. Into the magical pony-person land AKA the Furry-verse. Did I mention I'm a Charizard? Yeah. I'm a Charizard. Congratulations! Your high-functioning, violent sociopath has evolved into a murderous, fire-breathing dragon!
A wild sextet (get your head out of the gutter) of peaceful pony-people appear! What will you do? -Fight -Talk -Eat -Run
-Fight!
Warning: contains mild language, crude humor, excessive violence, and WAY too many Jerry Seinfeld ripoffs. You have been warned.
God, damn! My head feckin hurts! Okay, I didn't even TOUCH any cold ones last night, I'm sure of it! In fact, I didn't even come HOME last night… Wait, did I fall asleep at that goddamn con? Probably after some asshole called the cops and I got tased... again… Those stronzo better not have messed up my Charizard outfit… Took me months to get the fire on the tail right... Welp, might as well wake up, see how much the bail's gonna be… court's gonna be in… twenty days, this time? Maybe they'll quit feckin around, just gimme fifteen years behind the slammer. Well, that'll give me even less time to find someone to take care of my dog. He's literally the ONLY thing that's given me a reason to stay out of jail.
Sorry, is this too much for you? I think it's time for some exposition, because apparently none of you asshats can do your fucking homework. I'm Damian. Damian Giovanni. Yeah. I'm an Italian. What of it? Well, my dad's an Italian. My MOM, on the other hand? Irishman. I kid you not. You want proof? Pogh ma hoin. It means 'kiss my ass' in Gaelic. There, your fun fact for the day. Now, can we please get to this GODDAMN ACHE IN MY HEAD? Holy shit, this hurts! Okay, I'm pretty sure they hit me with a goddamn baton at this point! I can feel the lumps rising on my- Hey, wait a minute… those… those aren't lumps… Merda… what's going on? And my arms… WHAT THE HELL'S WITH MY ARMS? THEY FEEL SO TINY! MY GOD, SOMEBODY HELP ME!
I feel myself begin to hyperventilate, my chest rising and falling faster, as I try to pick myself up. My blurred vision makes out several different colors, and a bright light. Probably the sun. Yeah. It's definitely the sun. What else could it be?
"Well, HELLO there, buddy!"
God, DAMN! This feckin' chancer's gonna get his head beat in the moment my head stops spinning.
"Are you awake now? I know you're up! C'mon! Up, up, up!" Swear to GOD, he sounds like my roommate back in college… didn't I try to shove a pencil sharpener down his throat? Why'd I do that again? Oh, right… no reason at all. I was bored. Maybe that's why I got kicked off campus. Or maybe it was the fact that I tackled that one guy on the roof into the science wing. Or maybe-
"HELLO! C'mon, I've been waiting DAYS for this!" Whaddya want, an autograph? For crying out loud, he'll be LUCKY if I punch him out right now.
"Up, up, up!" Perche me? WHAT have I done to deserve this kind of treatment? Was it that time when I hit a judge with my car? That was an accident, alright? THAT was an accident! Was it the time I smacked the Jehovah's Witness? Okay, that was the THIRD ONE in the same amount of days! They were upsetting my dog!
"Time to wakey, wakey, wakey!" … Something tells me this bastard isn't the full shilling… NOBODY could be this cruel… not when someone's off their face like I am… Wait I'm laying down on my stomach, aren't I? So… I'm on my face?
"WAKE UUUUUPPP!" CAZZO! I swear, Imma smack him upside the head when I get up. That's inevitable.
I start to stretch my limbs, and try to stand up. My legs, feeling somewhat stubbier, slide up, and I use my arms and push myself off the ground. My eyes finally begin to clear up, and I see- MERDA, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING? IT LOOKS LIKE DR. FRANKENSTEIN GOT HIS HANDS ON THE MUPPETS!
"You alright, there? C'mon, buddy! I'm not THAT good-looking, am I?"
I… I… I don't even know how to respond to this. Literally… I CANNOT respond to this. So, Imma do what I normally do when my mind hits a roadblock: think.
So, let's review. I was at a con. I was Charizard. I was having fun, talking to people. NOBODY did anything that warranted me punching them in the face, and that's a first. I was at a stand, and I saw a Mega Ring and two Mega Stones. They were absolutely perfect. 100% accurate. But that merchant guy… he was kinda creepy… Something about him just set me off… I think I was planning to blow up his stand later… But then, after I walked away… I'm just drawing a blank…
"What's the matter? You can't tell what's going on, can you?"
No, but I'd like to. I glare at him, and hope that my expression tells him such, because my throat hurts too much for me to talk right now.
"Well, I hate to break it to you, but you've been struck by lightning."
GO WAY OUTTA THAT, YA FECKIN' IDJIT!
I groan, and hiss at him in response. There's NO WAY that could happen. I'm here now, aren't I?
"Well, it may seem impossible to one such as yourself, Geo, but you were struck by lightning. I saved you, but I had to pull you from your own universe! Now you're in Equestria!" Equi-whatta? And why'd he call me Geo? Oh... Oh, GOD... That's impossible. Geo...That was from years ago! Geo, my Charmander... when I was a little kid, playing FireRed, I made him a Charizard and everything. I brought him all the way to Y with Pokémon Bank. I've kept him with me for years now, I remember his every detail. Brave nature and likes to fight, and I even got him to level 100... his stats were all maxed out. His speed and HP were maxed out because his HP was naturally weak, and his speed was trash because of his nature... Wait, I had my 3DS on me for the con! Wait, did he say he pulled me through dimensions?
"That look on your face says you don't believe me. I guess I'll have to show you." He snapped his… eagle… talon… thing… and suddenly, a tree turned into pure iron. One moment, wood. The next, iron. "See, I'm Discord, the Spirit of Chaos in Equestria. See, I happened to notice your little plight, and I thought 'hey, why not do a good deed for the day and save someone's life'? When I pulled you in, I had to recreate your body… It was kind of… fried. There was some information leaking from you, but I managed to salvage some of it, and recreated your body. Here you are, Geo." He summons a mirror from thin air, and shows me the face of, well, a Charizard.
What. The. Feckin. HELL? So, that's it? Some feckin freak of nature god turns me into the Charizard I've had for years after I'm struck by lightning? WHERE DOES THIS GOBSHITE GET OFF?
"Hey, hey! I know it wasn't perfect, but would you rather have died?" That grabs my attention. Do I honestly want to have died there? Struck by lightning, after having lived my life as an extremely violent geek? I didn't even have any children. No heirs to my family's line. And if you're wondering, even IF that hadn't happened, I would never have gone to some puttana to lose my virginity to. I wanted to have come together with someone… who mattered. But now… I can't ever go back. I can NEVER have a normal life. I'm a freak. I'm a fire-breathing FREAK!
I raise my head and roar into the sky, and a column of flame comes from my mouth. Flamethrower. Somehow, I knew EXACTLY how to do that… Now my mind is racing, I know EVERY move that I had him learn over the years… Scratch, Growl, Smokescreen, Ember, Dragon Rage, Dragon Tail, Fire Fang, Flame Burst, Wing Attack, Aerial Ace, Fire Spin, Flare Blitz, Sky Drop, Incinerate, Dragon Claw, Giga Impact, Fly, Strength, Fire Punch, Rock Smash, BLAST BURN, FIRE PLEDGE, MEGA KICK, MEGA PUNCH, POWER-UP PUNCH, OVERHEAT FIRE BLAST, HEAT WAVE, INFERNO! HOW DO I KNOW ALL OF THIS!? I know how to use EVERY SINGLE MOVE! EVERY MOVE THAT HE EVER KNEW! Is there a Move Reminder in my head or something? Are we using the anime's rules, here? Pokémon don't ever forget moves, because things are more realistic in the anime? Pokémon can use more than four moves in there… Pikachu uses Quick Attack, Iron Tail, Thundershock, Volt Tackle, regular Tackle, and other stuff… that's WAY more than four moves.
… Wow, I'm taking this in WAY too easily… Probably not a good sign for my psychiatrist. Might as well ask Q over there how the hell I get back home. I turn my head to him, and when I try to speak, I only release groans and roars.
"Trying to speak, there? Sorry, I don't speak lizard. But I can make YOU speak pony!" He snaps his fingers and- wait, did he say pony? A bright light covers my entire body. I didn't really feel anything happen. Bu then again, I've been in this body for only about twenty minutes, and I don't even know how to move my tail.
"I… I don't feel any different." WOAH. I sound like feckin Jotaro Kujo… Or Liam Neeson. Nah, Jotaro Kujo. OH, I wish Charizard could learn Close Combat! ORAORAORAORA for LIFE! In all seriousness, I 'hear' my voice, but I also hear the Charizard roar underneath. I try vocalizing for a while, and realize I can switch between Charizard speak and Jotaro.
"But you certainly SOUND different, my boy! Now, then, you're probably wondering what I'm going to have use do next, and I'll tell you right now, it- MMPH!" A quick Rock Smash later, and he's out of the picture. Now, time to stretch these wings. I try to command my wings to open, or move, but I get nothing. Move. C'mon, MOVE! FLY ME TO THE MOON, DAMNIT! Wait, calm down… I remember a trick from SAO's second season… that show was nice and all, but the romance part was a little bit rushed in my opinion. The lore of it was really set out, though. I really did like it. In fact, if I had that kind of stuff, I would've been ON Geo's back, flying all around the world of Pokémon! But now… wait, time to get back on track.
I have to feel them out. I walk over to a tree, and lean back. Both of my wings' tips tap against the tree. I can feel them. Not like when you feel someone grab onto your backpack or something, but if it was an arm or a leg. I feel the nerves and bones that build them. The powerful muscles that unite them. Now, if my learning of Flamethrower says anything, this should be a breeze. Fly!
I soar into the air, like Superman. I even start to hear the old theme in my head, and I start to strike the pose. Now, when I see myself start to reach the cloud level, I stop. I slow my ascent, and begin using heavy flaps to maintain my altitude. "It's a little bumpy… meh, still beats Delta." I look around, and I see various rural towns in the distance. Figuring I should meet the people who run this place, and hopefully know a way home, I turn, and shoot like a rocket towards a town not far from the forest I just rose from. It looks like something out of that Mickey Mouse Clubhouse thing, mixed with Medieval Europe.
I curve up as I start to pull in, and slow my descent with powerful flaps, knocking dust into the air around me. I hear people around me start screaming. Then again, a dragon did kind of just fly in on their little town. The dust clouds my vision, and I start looking around. "Hello? Is anybody there? I need to talk to your leader! This is kind of important!"
"Oh! Excuse me! Oof! Coming through! Sorry! Pardon me! My bad! Could you move, please?" An annoyingly sincere voice calls out as she moves through the silhouetted crowd. I'm guessing this girl's in charge.
"Hey! Outta the way! Move it, bozo!" A sharper, but somewhat squeaky voice sounds off to my right, and I train my eye on that one, as well. Probably the town punk, or something. Maybe even the drunk. Nah, this one's too coherent. A drunk's either sputtering gibberish while hammered off his/her own ass, or hung over more than a towel on a year-old laundry rack. Damn, I need to come up with better stuff than that.
"Pardon, y'all! Ah need entry! Move it!" okay, what the hell? First Sandra Dee from Grease, then Sandy during the ENDING scene, and then we get Walker, Texas Ranger? As a chick? Guess there ARE no exceptions to Rule 63… even across dimensions.
"Would you care to move, darling? Oh, dear! So much dust! I just did my hair!" … And now we have someone straight out of… I can't even come up with a nothing snarky. Damn, today is just not my day, is it?
"Outta the way! Party queen, coming through!" DIO MIO, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING? It sounds like a first grader on a mix between a sugar high and helium!
So… now there's five potential enemies that are apparently 'in charge' of the town. Okay, let's consider possible escape options. I don't know if I'm up against humans, or what. The reason I say 'or what' is because of that freak back there. For all I know, these could be elves. Or orcs. Nah, elves. Too slim to be orcs. And if there are women in charge, that pins it down to elves. Humans and 'matriarch' go together like oil and water. We're so well-honed in a patriarchy that it's only recently women have actually been getting the attention they deserve. In fact, back in 2016, President-
"Uhm, could you move, please? I'm sorry, if you don't want to, then I don't wanna be a burden..." What. The. Royal. Feck. Is. THAT? I'm pretty sure it's only my lizard senses that let me hear that. It would also explain why I can hear those specific voices among all this chatter. Huh, I didn't know that Charizards had above-average hearing. Well, they're already fire-breathing, flying badasses that can assume TWO Mega forms. Why not add another bonus to the mix? But seriously, I don't even HAVE a snarky description for that. It's just that far outta left field for me.
The dust begins to settle, and the six 'leaders' begin moving closer, and forming a sort of 'ring'.
"Okay, calm down, everypony. We can work this out." Yeah, right. Wait, every-what? Every…
The FECK ARE THEY? They're… HORSE PEOPLE? Okay, I would've accepted dog people. I would've accepted cat people. I would've accepted BUNNY PEOPLE FOR CRYING OUT- wait, actually, all three of those would've made me freak, too… I want PEOPLE, not FURRIES!
"CAZZO!"
"What? Uh, can it even understand us, Twi?" Texas Ranger turned to 'Twi', as if she knew all the answers.
"Yeah, he can, and he is very feckin pissed off right now! Do any of you asshats know Discord?"
Based on their reaction, I'd say he was this place's Gary Oak. I can HEAR the rival music playing in my head, now that I made the comparison… and GODDAMNIT! Now I got a picture of him with Gary's hair!
"Now, calm down, sugarcube. Just what'd Discord do to ya?"
"First off, don't call me sugarcube. I don't get dropped into someone's morning tea. Second, EVERYTHING. Sai, volevo vedere il mondo! Stavo per vedere le attrazioni! Parigi, Londra, assolutamente da nessuna parte nel Midwest! Ma poi, lui mi ha preso e mi ha mandato a questo paese delle fate fottuto!" I didn't even notice that I slipped into Italian. "Quando metto le mani addosso, io lo Sky goccia così forte che non sarà in grado di fare la sua magia dito merda per ANNI, mi senti? ANNI!"
"Uh… Gesundheit?" Okay, NO. You can kill me, that'll mean I don't have to pay taxes. You can turn me into a Charizard, and fulfill my childhood dream of Pokémon. But NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY, especially not a feckin horse-person gay pride poster tomboy, insults the Italian language.
"Vaffanculo!" I turn to her, and glare. Wait, the fuck? She has wings. Feckin WINGS. She was HOVERING in the air. Okay, let's calm down a minute. You don't know what you're up against. Evaluate the enemy. Step one: identify the number of enemies. So far, if they were to all mob rush me, it would be in the dozens. But it looks like the rest are too scared, so it's just these six. Six.
Okay, I've been against worse. Six in armor and with pepper spray. But then I was a human with no idea of what to do. Now I'm a CHARIZARD with full control of the situation. Now, these six each appear to be of a different species each… let's see… the blue one is a… horse… bird… person… anthropomorphic pegasus? Makes sense. Again, I'm a Charizard. I am NOT gonna complain. It looks like she's a pretty athletic type, judging by appearance. She looks like a good fighter. But I seriously doubt she can get out of a solid Fire Spin. That is, if she can even fight, and not just do athletics.
Next, we have a yellow one that's also a pegasus. But honestly, I think I can bring this number down to five. She looks like she's gonna piss herself just by standing here. Next we have… anthropomorphic… unicorn? Yeah. Horned horse. Heh, she's horny. Heh-heh… WOW, I need better material. At this point, I'm doing Beavis and Butthead skits.
Anyways, this one also doesn't look like a fighter. We're down to four. Probably would wail if she cracked a nail… which she actually did… I hope she doesn't notice that while I'm still in hearing range… Damn, I'm already learning the disadvantages of superpowers. Next up, is a... pink… normal horse person? I'll go with that. She also looks like she's tripping balls. Seriously, how the feck is she BOUNCING like that? It's creepy… OK, down to three potential enemies. One solid Scratch should be enough for her.
Next is the farmer. Normal pony-person, from the looks of things. Decent muscle build, but it looks like that farm work would probably slow her down. She's used to slow, but strong work. Not the fast pace of a street fight. Especially not one against a CHARIZARD. But, since I know that, as a human I was WAY tougher than I looked, and I looked like a first-class wimp, she's still a potential enemy.
Finally… What do I even say? This one looks like a chimera… horn AND wings… Pegacorn? Unisus? Forget it. She looks like a student in an anime, probably a harem, rather than a fighter. But, again, the whole hybrid thing gives me the whiles. Probably the strongest of them all. A quick Dragon Tail would be enough to test her level of physical endurance. If she survives that, a Fire Blast should finish her as she picks herself up. No recovery, either. Just BAM! BAM! Like Batman. Nananananananananana…
"Hey! Are you just gonna sit around yelling all day, or are you gonna say something we can understand?" AND, there goes a tune I've been trying to remember for years. Seriously, sometimes the best things just slip by under the mediocre. I remember how my da watched that stuff with me, and told me that's what he watched as a kid, and I fell hard for it. So, there's the story of my start as a massive geek. I live on my own, with my dog, watch cartoons and anime in my free time, and then I go to work in a Snickers factory. Hey, those things are DELICIOUS, alright?
"Well, maybe I will… if you don't stab me the minute I make a move." Did I mention that some of them are picking up weapons? Just basic mob weapons. Torches, pitchforks, and- IS THAT A HAMMER? Oh. Blacksmith. NOW I see. Wait, do they ALL have ass tattoos? Every single one of them. Even the men. Are tramp stamps that popular in Arcadia, or wherever the hell I am? Maybe I should get one… wait, that's stupid. Charizard's already awesome enough. I don't need any more… Wait, maybe some tattoos would do me some good… maybe my family seal… For reference, it's a foot stomping on a snake, with the words 'Nemo me impune lacessit' on it. That would be COOL. Just walking around with 'touch me and I fuck your day up' written on my side. That would be SWEET. Wait, what the hell am I saying, it's still a tramp stamp.
"Okay, everypony calm down… No need for violence, I'm sure he's just a little scared, is all." Lady, you are SO far in the wrong. Honestly, I'm HOPING somebody does something. I NEED to tear down a building or two. I always meant 'break everything inside' but now I can literally mean it!
"Uhm… Mr… Dragon?" The yellow bed-wetter (heh, pun) walks over to me, "Can… can you please calm down? I promise nopony will hurt you, just let us all talk it over, alright?" That smile… HOLY SHIT THAT SMILE! I can't believe I'm saying this about a horse, but that's the smile of an angel right there! I think… my heart's gonna burst…
"My name… is Geo… And I'm already pretty calm…" Dang, my lips are dry… all this yelling's got my throat parched. I'll need some water, soon. My lizard tongue unconsciously passes over my lips, wetting them some.
"Oh, my!" My eyes widen at her sudden exclamation. What's going on? Wait, don't tell me… I've seen enough anime to know what I just did… I just made everyone freak out, didn't I? They're either thinking I'm gonna eat her, rape her, or both. I'd better step back.
"Hey, easy, now! I'm just thirsty, is all. Didn't mean anything by it!" As much as testing out my new power would be, I'd much rather do it on something that's earned my wrath… like Dave from down the street. Dang guy keeps sending his darn kids to either egg my house or steal my paper. I KNOW it's him! And now I'm gonna burn the evidence into everyone's minds, pun unavoidable. But now? I probably just lost my best shot at getting out of this place. Well, break open my back door with a brick, why don't ya?
"You CREEP!" BAM! I feel something hit me in the side of the head. HARD. I've felt the imprint of a fist before, but never before have I felt one that was just so damn FAST. I slide back at least a few feet, and stretch my neck down, and stroke my cheek.
"Cazzo! You zoccola! I said it was an accident! Alright, FUCK this! Time to kill some puttana! DRAGON CLAW!" Yep, I'm going by anime rules, now. I just called an attack. No going back now. My claw becomes coated in a black, red, and purple energy, kinda like the Dragon element in Monster Hunter. I fly forwards, and slice with all my might. It creates a small blast, and I watch them all scatter. Now, I should prioritize. The blue one's fastest. She's the one I'll have to contend with the most if I want air superiority. That means I target her. But first…
"Smokescreen!" A stream of smoke emerges from my mouth, and GOD that tastes terrible. Well, now I'm in a steady cloud of smoke. I can't see, or smell them out, but I can certainly hear them…
"What the hay's going on? Rainbow, why'd you DO that? He said it was an accident! Now we have an angry dragon in the middle of Ponyville!"
Dragon? OH, they've never HEARD of Pokémon, have they? Well, not worth explaining it to them. Might as well take advantage. Time to die, Twi! Hey, a rhyme! "MEGA KICK!" BRUCE LEE TIME! I burst from the smoke, and my foot collides with the side of a building, narrowly missing her. Damn, guess I didn't think that through… They're agile, so that means I'll have to use something more accurate…
"Aerial Ace!" I zoom around, confusing them all so that I can land the 100% guaranteed attack. I also managed to see where the six are each located. Yellow stayed right next to where I was originally standing, Orange was close to 'Twi', Pink was… armed with pots and pans? Whatever. It'll all just melt onto her body, and she'll only have herself to blame. Now, I've located 'Rainbow'. Time to dominate the sky…
SKRIK!
A sickening slash echoes through the air. I turn to her, and glare, hoping I managed to hit something vital. Don't want here getting back up later and trying to get revenge and- WHAT THE FECKIN HELL? I HIT FLESH! I KNOW I DID! THERE SHOULD BE BLOOD! WHY IS SHE NOT EVEN PHASED? THIS SCANGER'S INNARDS SHOULD BE ALL OVER THE GROUND! THE BLOODY HELL?
"Wait a minute… is that...cake batter?" True enough, there was- I kid you not- A WEDDING CAKE. Right over her stomach area. With a HUGE slice taken out of it. How in the HELL did that happen? Wait a minute… Pink!
"Heh, that was close!" Sure enough, there was Pink, who had wheeled the whole cake to Rainbow. 'How', and 'where', I will never understand. But now I understand the 'who'. The only thing left is the 'when' and the 'why'. WHEN did she have the time to get that cake? And WHEN did she wheel it to Rainbow BEFORE I could get there- Me, a CHARIZARD at TOP SPEED- and right where I sliced? WHY did she know I was going to target Rainbow? None of them are even CLOSE to being fighters! They can't prioritize for SHIT!
"How did you know?"
"I didn't!"
"That is the biggest guff I've ever heard. You KNEW I would need air superiority, and to maintain that, I would need to be rid of fliers! But how did you know it was Rainbow I would target? Yellow can fly, too! Heck, I could've attacked ANY flier in the town! I probably COULD do it with minimal trouble. You KNEW I would've needed to target the fliers! But HOW did you know it was Rainbow?"
"My Pinkie Sense!" … Is that some version of Foresight? The ability to predict events around you… Is she a Psychic type? Only one way to find out! Let's use a Power-Up Punch! If you're wondering why he has that, I wanted him to have the best possible moveset available, and the most rounded-out one, too. I would've just used a bunch of Heart Scales at the Move Reminder if I needed to. They were moves that could work against enemies he's weak to. But the sad part is I never actually did anything like that, I just got more offensive moves for him. He's REALLY good at offensive play, believe me.
My fist swings through the air, now coated in yellow energy, the 'ki' of the Fighting type. I swear to GOD, I missed by a GNAT'S GONAD on that one! All I hit was that weird cotton candy hair of hers. A second sooner, and I would've splattered her brains ALL OVER the ground. Well, I still have this! "Mega… KICK!"
GOTCHA, BITCH! No way she could've avoided that! She had to duck under my Power-Up Punch, and I slung me Mega Kick right after! NO WAY she could've dodged, even if she WAS capable of foreseeing it! She had to duck under… which meant she could've rolled… I check my foot. Sure enough, the only thing on it is dust and wood. No bloody pony brains.
"Why're you being such a meanie-pants?" That annoying. FECKIN'. VOICE! IT'S! STILL! ALIVE! I turn, and glare with all the hatred a violent sociopathic Charizard can muster- which, by the way, is a lot.
"Growl…" A deep, and primal sound rises from my throat, and the ponies start to quiver. Their physical striking ability is limited, which means less trouble from Rainbow, and the farmer. Speaking of which, where is that inbred hick-
CRASH!
FIGLIO DI UNA CAGNA! THAT HURT!
"That's what y'all get fer messin' with Ponyville!" There's the farmer, doing… a handstand? Her legs were extended pretty far out. I took the opportunity to notice the lean muscles that were attached. So that explains the severe pain in my hip.
I'm gonna feel THAT ONE in the morning, that's for damn sure. Good thing I used that Growl beforehand, otherwise I might've felt it for the next few mornings to come…
"Little zoccola… YOU WANT SOME A THIS? COME AND GET IT! HEAT WAVE!"
A burst of extremely hot air comes out of my mouth, and the effect is immediate. The six begin to drop like flies, unable to withstand the sheer temperatures I'm generating.
"Ooogh… Rarity..." I hear a sound behind myself, and I toss a glare. There's a child behind me. She has marshmallow-white skin- er, fur? I'm saying skin, and… two-tone hair? Not sure what to say, but at least it's not a rainbow. She's on the ground, and I notice her skin's getting awfully red. She's been afflicted with a Burn. I'm fairly certain they don't have Burn Heals here.
"Mannaggia, I didn't want this to happen… Guess I'll have to move this fight somewhere else…" Hey, I'll admit it. I have mental problems. And social problems. But I ALSO have problems with letting kids get involved. Even if they are horse-furries in a land where the god is a mismatched abomination who likes to break the laws of physics.
I grab the child, and I stretch my wings out, using Fly to quickly ascend high enough to find a convenient source of water. I see a pond at the edge of town, and as I begin to fly, I hear something else coming at me...
Thunk!
Something hit me in the side of the head. It was… a shoe?
"GIVE ME BACK MY SISTER, YOU RUFFIAN!" Dio mio, that one's feisty… Wait, did she say sister? OH, so this one was calling out to her sister, whose name is Rarity… wait, her name's 'Rarity'? That had better be short for something.
"If you want her back, then DON'T hit me on the head while I'm carrying her! I weigh somewhere over 200 pounds, do you REALLY think it's a good idea for me to fall?" I don't even give her time to respond, before I speed off to the pond. The child's breath is getting slightly lighter by the moment. Damn, those burns are really doing their job. I just hope that nobody else was hurt… Wait, actually, I kinda do. Just not the kids, at least.
"HEY! GIVE BACK SWEETIE BELLE, FREAK!" AND, here comes the aerial Dyke-tron 9000. Just in time to ruin my good deed for the day.
"As much as I'd LOVE to cave your skull in, 'Rainbow', I have slightly more important things to deal with! Namely, getting this 'Sweetie' to water!" Now we're over the pond. Rainbow's lower than me. If I try to go straight down at my current speed, she'll get a clear shot at me without having to ascend. I can't possibly lower myself down there safely without getting smacked in the face. And that'll make me drop her. As much as I HATE to do this, I have no choice.
"Sky Drop!" I do a quick shuttle loop, before starting to drop straight down. There's no stopping now. I only have a 43% chance of actually making this WITHOUT getting my already-busted ribs getting absolutely banjanxed by a flying furry Usain Bolt.
"Stop him!" I hear 'Twi' shout, and I feel Rainbow try to alter her angle from my tail-flame. Too late, lassie. You're already directly over me, and going ninety to the dozen. I, on the other hand, reach the water's surface, and I pull up, just enough so I can lower 'Sweetie' in the water. These names just get more and more ridiculous.
"Oh, no, ya don't!" Oh, merda. I feel a foot press itself into my back, and it hits HARD. I feel my grip on 'Sweetie' loosen, before dropping her completely. Now she's sinking. FABULOUS, now I can put 'convicted for man- er, ponyslaughter' on my resume! GENIUS! Well, I would get her, but then again, tail-fire that's also my life source. Can't let that go out. Nope. I already died once, not doing it again. I already did it once, and I became a Charizard. I'd like to enjoy this a little longer. I'm not gonna waste it on a- Oh, per l'amore di Dio…
I dive down, and try to keep my tail above the surface. I can't see, the pond's too murky from us knocking all of the muck underneath up. My tail comes dangerously close, I can already feel its bottom touching the water, and- JAYSUS THAT HURTS! So… cold… But I can't let this kid go because I've got THE FECKIN CHILLS! I swim deeper, and let all but the very tip submerge. I frantically reach around, and my claws grab onto something cloth-like. I can't quite grab it, without having to completely submerge my tail. Merda, this is gonna suck…
My tail suddenly turns ice-cold, and I feel it spread to the rest of my body. I waste my last inch of power, and force my wings to propel myself upwards. My tail reaches the surface of the water, and I feel the warmth, but total exhaustion spreads through my entire body. I manage to get my head above water, and I grab 'Sweetie' in my jaws by her hair. I use my legs, tail, and wings to shoot myself to the edge of the water, before barely surfacing. I collapse to my knees, breathing heavily. Damn, I can't fight like this… Can't even use a Scratch… I don't have any energy left... the best I can do is Struggle and hope I don't kill myself…
"SWEETIE BELLE!" Shit… Here comes the angry elder sibling… I brace myself for the inevitable strike.
SMACK!
The pain itself is minimal, compared to the absolute lack of strength I'm feeling. "How DARE you, you MONGREL! Trying to DROWN my sister like that!"
Her rabid ramblings turn into static, as my eyes suddenly feel like lead. I'm out cold before I even feel my head hit the ground.
Woah… Where am I? Everything's so… weird. It looks like I'm on Space Mountain, or something… Did I die? Did I die again? Is this going to be my MO? Go to a place, f*ck everything up, and then die?
"Hello, strange one." OH MY GOD, that scared me! I turn around in this… void, and I see another one of the horse… people. This one's a lot like 'Twi'. Hybrid. Horn and wings. But her hair! That is the freakiest sh*t I've seen so far! How does it DO that? I mean, SERIOUSLY! It's WAVING! How does it DO that?
"Are you even going to respond?" She raised an eyebrow, clearly indicating annoyance
"Impatient little stronzo, ain't ya? I'll talk whenever I damn well feel like it." I glare, before trying to move in her general direction.
"Hmm, rather violent, aren't you?"
"Vaffanculo, I ain't in the mood for this. Just send me to Hell or wherever I'm going to."
"Hell? Oh, you believe this to be Purgatory of some sort?"
"I did kinda let my tail-fire go out…" I turn to the aforementioned appendage, and- "Inferno Santo! The darn thing's still there! But, HOW? I went underwater! The fire went out! I should've DIED! This is supposed to be the afterlife, isn't it?"
"… NO, this is the world of dreams. I am Luna, Princess of the Night. I entered your mind upon seeing you fall unconscious after retrieving poor Sweetie Belle from the pond." She raised an eyebrow at me as she introduced herself, as if I'd forgotten a piece of common knowledge
"Wait, I'm dreaming?" I patted my body. Seemed slightly plastic, but solid enough for me.
"Well, yes."
"So, I'm not dead."
"You are at the hospital recovering as we speak."
"So… I'm gonna wake up soon?"
"Unless you've fallen into a coma. Which I find unlikely, given how your body is less tangible than it should be."
"Whatever. So… is there a point to this?"
"Is there a point to the violence you committed today?"
"Yes, actually."
At this she raised an eyebrow, "What would that be?"
"I was bored."
"You consider attacking innocent ponies a proper cure for boredom?"
"You consider it alright to jump into people's heads as they sleep?" That looked like it hurt her some.
"Fair enough. But, in truth, what caused you to start? From what I've heard, you didn't attack at first, and only wanted to find Twilight Sparkle, am I correct?"
"I wanted to find someone who could take me home."
"Whatever do you mean?"
"I died. Discord pulled me here from my dimension. Clear enough for ya?"
"I was never aware Discord could do such a thing… Still doesn't explain why you tried to attack innocent bystanders."
"Okay, I didn't attack any bystanders. I was thirsty, and I licked my lips, don't tell me you haven't done THAT before when you're feeling parched, an' then that rainbow-haired ASSHAT decided to hit me in the bloody face! So,, I thought I'd soften her cough- er, teach her a lesson- the way me dad taught me."
"And… the assault of Sweetie Belle?"
"Hey, don't even THINK about calling it that! The lass was BURNING from the inside out! My Heat Wave attack would've killed her if I didn't submerge her! She shouldn't have been there in the first place! I- The hell?" Suddenly, my entire form flickered, like something out of Star Trek.
"It appears as if you're waking up."
"Mannaggia, it's time to face the music already? Well, here goes nothing."
"And there comes something." I turn to her, and gasp. She couldn't have!
"Did you just-"
"… Prin… Tia…"
"ope… il!"
Is it really such a good idea to be yelling when someone's got their head stuck in a vice? GOD, this hurts… Mannaggia, Questo non sta andando a finire bene… Let's see… property damage, assault, reckless endangerment of children, and… arson? Did I burn anything? No, I'd remember that… I didn't use Flame Burst, so the chance of collateral was low…
"He… p! Ge… uni… ells… eady!"
Well, seeing as how I've been ejected from the sanctuary that is the dream world, might as well walk into the shit-hole that is my situation in the living one.
"Grgh… Crap, my head…" I open my eyes, and see a large amount of white, and gold. Is this some kind of super hospital? Cause if so, I might not wanna wreck it… Oh, wait… that's a bunch of pony-people. In armor. They're unicorn-men, and their horns are… glowing? There's… three? Four? Can't really tell.
"Do not move! In the name of the Royal Sisters, you are under arrest!" Royal sisters? Wait… was that dream chick ROYALTY? And… she was a hybrid, just like Twi… oh, crap, did I assault royalty? That's like slapping the President! No WAY am I gonna sit through this one!
"Not today, suck- AGH!" Suddenly, I was coated in a weird wave of energy, and pinned to the bed. "HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS? SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU IDIOTS PSYCHIC OR SOMETHING?"
I try to move, but only find the pressure increasing.
"Don't even try to escape, Geo. These are expert-level unicorn binding spells. You're not getting out any time soon." I look over, and- son of a bitch, there's the royal purple herself. Heh, isn't purple the color of royalty somewhere? Russia, I think? Or was it Belgium? Ah, feck it. I never really paid attention in world history, anyways.
Wait, unicorns do magic? Oh, so that's why the guards' horns are glowing. They use magic through them. Like how Wamuu funnels wind through his horn. So… break the horn, and no magic? Simple enough. Now, how to do it… Need to evaluate potential escape routes. The window? No, everyone's right here, watching me. The door? There might be more out there. Wait, I have my priorities off. How do I get rid of four unicorn guards who can use what appear to be Psychic-type or Fairy-type moves. Knowing my luck, they're probably both. But type won't matter right now, I need a plan of attack! Let's see…
"Don't even think about leaving, Geo. You're in no condition to run. Besides, you're surrounded by the Royal Guard. Even the strongest of dragons have been taken down easily by them." Well, I'm no dragon. Well, unless I get my Charizardite X. Hey, wait a minute, do I still have it? I think I might've brought it with me through dimensions. This is gonna be risky, but I'm sure they're stupid enough to fall for it.
"Wait! Did you… find anything on me?"
Twi turns around rather sharply- she definitely found something- "Yes, actually. We found these on you." She pulls back one of the curtains next to my bed, revealing- OH GRAZIE A DIO! The Charizardite X and Y! AND the Mega Ring! Perfect! I just need to get the ring, and just ONE of the stones.
"Care to explain?" Merda. Now they want an explanation. Family heirloom? That'll work. Probably. Dragons are known for hoarding things, right? That'll get 'em.
"They're heirlooms. From my mother." When in doubt, always refer to mama. She can solve ANY problem. Even when she ain't there. "Could… Could I have them, please?"
"Well, I don't see why not. They can't possibly be used as weapons." You are DEAD WRONG, sister. Her horn glows a sharp lavender, and a similar coating covers the two Mega Stones, and the Ring. They all float over to me, and I grab the X and the Ring. Now, I just have to wait a little. If I'm right, when Pokemon fall asleep in hospitals, they undergo miracle cures. I turn on my side, and pull my covers up, grabbing the Stones, and Ring tightly, giving the impression that I'm trying to go to sleep.
"Keep a sharp eye on him. He's pretty vicious." Damn straight. I hear Twi leave the room, and two guards follow her. I swear, they're making this easy on me. Now, here comes the hardest part, falling asleep. Which, by the way, isn't that hard, since my head's been crying out for a return to the dream world. I wonder if that Luna chick's still there. She seems like she might be a good sparring partner in the meantime.
"I'm back in… Where am I now?" I was expecting space, not… a palace. I look around carefully, wondering where the devil Luna is. "Hello? Luna? I'm here to fight." I begin stomping through the halls, slowly checking my surroundings.
"I'm in here, Geo." I turn, and begin speeding down the hall on my wings. I stop, and swerve when I see her in what appears to be a… dressing room? Well, no way to start a fight than by surprise, right?
"Hello. I wasn't expecting you to return so so- AH!"
SURPRISE, MUTHAFUCKA! "GIGA IMPACT!" I slam into her with all of my might, and send her out of the window. I catch my breath for a moment, and lazily walk to the window. I see that she caught herself mid-fall, and is currently glaring at me. Perfect.
"You DARE to assault the ruler of the night? In my own domain? FOOLISH!" Her horn glows, and she sends several blasts of energy my way. Good, she's no slob. There's no routes through them, but what she DOESN'T expect me to do is to not even get them at all. I back-track, exiting the now-trashed dressing room, and wait outside for the blasts to hit.
BOOM! KRACK! KRA-KOW!
Damn, thank God I chose to pull back. Well, time to play ping-pong!
"YOU DISGUSTING OVERGROWN LIZARD! I'LL-"
"Dragon Tail!" I hit her RIGHT in the chest! She flies back, and hits a wall, hard enough to send her flying back at me, "Dragon Tail!" She flies RIGHT BACK again, "Dragon Tail! Dragon Tail! DRAGON TAIL!" I hit her in quick succession, and she hits the wall each time. Well, since she's the only one in the party, I guess she has to keep coming back for more…
"ENOUGH!" A sudden burst of azure colored energy stops my assault, and she stabilizes herself in flight. "Stop this madness! There is no point to this violence! You-"
"Cool story, babe. Sky Drop!" I grab her by the face, before flying towards the wall I repeatedly introduced her to, and sliding her up along it. Her shoulders jumped and wiggled as the stone cracked and fell apart, while we rose rapidly. We reached the top, and her head broke through a stone gargoyle. I pulled back, and then I started to fall, now gripping her in a bear hug. Struck by an odd blend of ingenuity and nostalgia for fighting games, I begin to spin.
"Spinning… PILEDRIVER!" I curl sharply, and completely crush Luna under both of our weights, and feel her neck twist from the momentum.
"AGH!" I pull into the air, and hover. I know that after someone's been slammed into the dust, they usually are either a mangled corpse, or they decided to no sell it. If it's the latter, I should probably prepare a Flame Burst. I feel the heat building up in my mouth, rising from my throat, before I see a single hand, raised in the air. The flames dissipate, and I pull in closer.
"Tch… Whatever… I have done… to offend you… I apologize… I truly do… but there is no need to go this far…" Still kicking, but she's not gonna be getting back up.
"In the Dream World, I can hurt you all I want, and when you wake up, you'll be fine, right?" She looked surprised by that bit of logic, almost like she had never thought of it before.
"Well, that's partially true. No injuries shall be felt, but the pain shall certainly be remembered… and in some cases, it can cause the dreamer to undergo seizures from the pain overload." As she explained, I walked straight in front of her.
"But you'll be fine, right?" She groaned, and slowly nodded. I raise my foot, "Good. I Before I do this, I have the need to inform you that I am about to run like hell. I don't expect you to be able to stop me."
KRUNCH!
I grind what's left of her head off of my foot, and watch as the corpse dissipates from the Dream World. I notice myself flicker, too. Good, time for Operation: Minty Hippo.
WHOO! That was a good rest! I feel 100% restored! I slowly open one eye. It's the dead of night. Amazing. I shift, and fake a grumble, making it look like I'm adjusting in my sleep. Out of the eye I have on the bed, I can see that there are still two guards in my room. I feel the Mega Ring and the Stones, so there's that. Quietly, I open the Ring, and slowly slide it onto my right wrist. I quietly shift, and move the Charizardite Y to the area above my tail. If I'm right, anime logic dictates that all intelligent, anthropomorphic animals can hide anything in an invisible back pocket. Considering how I've faithfully followed those rules up until now, I am confident they should save me now. Nope, it ain't working. Guess I'll have to get a duffel bag or something to hold these in when I'm out of here. In the meantime, I grasp the Charizardite X, and with my other claw, I reach to the Mega Ring.
I press its crystal in, just as how I remember from the games. I feel it click, and…
CUE TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE!
Why aren't I a Fire-Dragon type? By now, I should've transformed into a pitch-black weapon of war! What the feck's going on?
OH. Anime rules. I need a proper drive for any important transformation to work the first time around. How about SAVING MY FLAMING HIDE FROM BECOMING A TROPHY ON SOME ROYAL ASSHAT'S WALL?
"Vite questo, il tempo di uscire di qui!" My wings flint up into the air, and knock my bed sheet onto one of the guards. As the other turns to contain me, I am swift to insure he does NOT. "SCRATCH!" I slash along his armor, and knock him into the wall. He hits his head against the wall, and collapses.
The other throws the sheet off, and glares at me, his horn glowing. His mouth opens up, probably to yell for help. My own spews a few flames, "Don't even think about it. Say one word, and I roast this entire wing, are we clear?" His mouth snaps shut.
"Good to know you're obedient when you need to be. Now, do your country a favor, and let me go. Trust me, if you do, you'll never see me again. I hope. Ah, screw it. Wing Attack!" My wing smacks into him, and he collapses against the far wall. I turn to the window, and pull my head back. Time for phase 2 of Operation: Minty Hippo, "FLAMETHROWER!" My mouth snaps open, and a torrent of heat and fire bursts out, hitting the glass with dead-on accuracy. The glass begins to heat up, and slowly melt. It drips onto the floor, leaving a wide exit for me. My wings spread open, "Fly!"
I burst from the window, and I look outside. Holy hell, I'm in the middle of a CITY! Wait, is this the only place where there's a decent hospital? Do they REALLY have to travel all this way for a HOSPITAL? Wait, is this city ON THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN? This is just RIDICULOUS! And- WOAH! There's a whole CASTLE right here! Is this where the 'Royal Sisters' live? Huh, makes sense… But seriously, A WHOLE CASTLE?
"Stop right there, criminal scum!" Perché, Dio, perché? What have I-a done to-a deserve-a this? Wait, I'm crossing the languages. Don't do that. You have a perfectly good Jotaro voice. Don't screw it up with a cheesy accent.
KRE-OW! KRAOM! CHEOW!
HOLY SHIT, LASER BEAMS! DODGE, DODGE, DOOOOOOOOODGE! Gotta go faster, GOTTA GO FASTER! Can't let myself get caught! After all I've gone through, I am NOT gonna get locked in some ROTTEN, FILTHY, HOLE IN THE GROUND! I DIED ONCE, AND I WASTED THAT LIFE! AND I AM CERTAINLY NOT GONNA WASTE THIS ONE!
Y'know how sometimes you see in the movies how determination can change the inevitable? Yeah, let me give you some advice right now; it's a load of bullcrap. No matter how hard you try, sometimes you can't change anything. Well, you could, if yer bloody MEGA RING WORKED PROPERLY!
"I was honestly going to try and defend you, Geo, but now? I'm afraid I'm going to have to-"
"Wind yer neck down! After everything that's happened to me in the past 72 hours, I am NOT in the mood for yer pity! I can defend MYSELF, thank you very much! I don't think I even need one of yer bloody pony lawyers!"
Me and my big mouth. I'm sitting here, no lawyer, no reasonable defense, NOBODY who would dare try to defend me if they had at least HALF an inch of sense, which I highly doubt that Discord fellow has.
"All rise for the judge, her Royal Highness, Princess Celestia." Princess who-what? I see another pony enter the room, and- JAYSUS that's a fine bit of skirt! No, literally, that's actually a REAL skirt. She's wearing a skirt. And she's the JUDGE. Kinda makes me feel less awkward about being in the nip.
"Court is now in session." She sounds like an R63 Liam Neeson. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad. She's a hybrid, too… OH, so she's one of the 'Royal Sisters'. Wait, that means that she probably heard from Luna about what happened tonight… Son of a ZOCCOLA! Now the JUDGE is against me! Well, I know exactly how this is going to go down. Might as well start focusing on more important things, like an escape route. Let's analyze the area… I could try and get past the guards and go out the main door… No, they'd expect that. What else can I do? Hmm… AHA! I could Smokescreen as the guards come near me to bring me outside! I'll use a Fire Blast on the main door, make them all think I'm going out there, then I escape through the judge's exit! It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! Genius, I say!
Now, all I have to do is account for what everyone else might do in the meantime…
"Geo, you are hereby sentenced to care by my student, until I feel you have learned your lesson. Is that clear?" The guards approach me, and as one gets behind me, I turn my head up to her, the self-righteous little bitch. This whole time, I've heard her get pissy EVERY TIME the idea that one of them was hurt came up. Probably thinks herself a mom to them all. Guess what, nanny? Time fer a change o' diapers!
"Crystal, Your Majesty… SMOKESCREEN!" I turn straight to the ground, and unleash a cloud of smoke. GOD, I will NEVER get over how AWFUL that tastes! SERIOUSLY, HOW do I make that?
"Get him!" Shit, better leg it while the going's still good! Time to set the pieces in motion…
"Fire Blast!" The star-shaped flame pierces the main door. Just as expected I hear them all begin to gather around that area.
"Cover the exits!" Too late, boyo. I'm already out of here.
"Fly!" I burst from the smoke, and head straight for the judge's exit. I see Celestia herself standing there. Perfect, a chance to THROTTLE ONE OF THESE FREAKAZOID BASTARDS! As I begin to brace myself for an all-out tackle, I feel myself suddenly get knocked back by a powerful golden aura. I then feel myself get knocked around. Repeatedly.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, OW! CAZZO!" I pick myself off the ground, before suddenly getting knocked outside, through the door I blew open. Huh, glad I did that. Would've hurt to go straight through it. I look around, and I see that I'm in a hallway. On the far end is a window. I pray that whoever designed this place is happy, wherever he is. He just saved a Charizard's life.
I turn back to my would-be captors, "Hasta la vista, poni- OH, GOD, NOT AGAIN!" I duck under a golden ball of energy, before running to the window. Freedom, sweet freedom… It's so close… and all I have to do is just, "Fly!" My wings uncurl slowly, and I rise into the air. I feel time slow around me, like a slow-mo scene in a movie. I flap more, gaining at least two feet off the ground. I slowly begin to accelerate, and I get closer to the window. I raise my claws, ands turn my head down. I prepare for the impact...
Cut the music. Seriously, cut it.
Instead of glass, the impact I get is one with the cold, hard floor. Surprise, surprise, it's while I'm coated in a golden aura. I turn around, and I see that Celestia chick, with her guards behind her. They hold spears at me, and their horns glow intensely. I don't think Smokescreen will work two times in a row… what other tricks do I have? My Mega Ring doesn't do shit, at least not until I get a proper level of conviction. So… Heat Wave? Best option right now. I hope they'll all just collapse and be done with it. "Heat Wave!"
The entire room's temperature rapidly grows. The guards feel it immediately, probably because of that armor. Seriously, who in their right mind would WEAR that sort of stuff? Especially considering how hot it was during the day… Indoor uniforms, maybe? Nah, that's retarded.
"Impressive. You can do more than just produce pure flame, Geo." What. The. Feck. She's not even FAZED! Is she using her magic to repel it? No, the horn isn't glowing… "But it's not enough to compare to me."
Okay, NO. She did NOT just go there. I LITERALLY put my ENTIRE CHILDHOOD into making this body as powerful as it is. "You… you say that I don't compare to you? That's right… because I'm above you, Your Highness! I am the Flame Pokémon! My fire reigns SUPREME! INFERNO!" I spat out an ENORMOUS wave of fire, and it hits her dead-on. The guards all leap back, and cower, as they should.
The flames dissipate, and I glare, before roaring over my triumph. "RAAAAOOOOGH!"
THUNK!
"GAOGH!" I'm knocked back suddenly, and my back hits the window. It cracks and opens, but I still stay inside the building. At least I get a nice view.
"You are a violent, impulsive, and frankly rude little creature. You shall be staying in Tartarus for a very long time." HOW? HOW IS SHE STILL STANDING THERE? IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! SHE'S A MONSTER! A THING! A FREAK! A… A DEVIL!
"No… No, no, NO! I'm a full-powered Charizard! No way anything could POSSIBLY take that kind of attack and live! My fire's the best around!"
"You may use strong fire, but no flame can compare to that of the sun." She raises her hand, and her horn glows, and I see its light fly out, before going outside, past the horizon. As the sun's light falls upon me, I realize the truth of what I stand against. This is no devil. This is no monster. This is the sun itself.
I collapse to my knees, accepting my defeat. I can't fight this. Not now, not ever. I am subservient to it. My mind goes dull, still trying to process the power that I stand against. I don't even feel anything. I don't feel the guards grab me, and begin to drag me off. As I am on the airborne chariot-ride to my prison, I don't feel anything. Not even the wind. All I know is that I tried to kill the sun.
My numb form feels nothing as I see a large set of obelisk gates open, and I am thrown within. I lay on the cold marble, trying to process my situation still, and yet I continue to come up with nothing. For once, I am out of options. I can do nothing, but sit here, and wait for my inevitable death. I feel a tear stream down my face, when I hear a voice.
"So, what're you in here for?" A deep, but raspy voice shakes me from the trance. I look around, growling. My tail flame does little good in illuminating my cell, so I wait for my eyes to naturally fix themselves. I see a short, oddly-shaped figure in the corner. I glare, and try to focus on exactly what it is, before I hear it speak again.
"I asked you a question, it's only polite to answer back." Well, I was just put into prison, asshat! I'm gonna need some time to adapt! I Growl in return, before turning to examine the area itself.
What feels like an eternity passes, before I respond.
"Celestia."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I tried to beat down Celestia, alright? That stupid sunbutt zoccola is why I'm in here! Any other questions you'd like to ask, shit-for-brains?" He jumps back at this, likely from the volume of my voice.
"Well, how's about we have ourselves a little ice-breaker? I'm guessing we're both going to be in here a while, so-"
"Wrong." He leans forward after that. Now I've got him playing into my hands- er, claws.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Wrong. You might be staying here a while, but I'M getting out." All I have to do is get him to tell me anything he knows about the prison's design, and I roast it from there. My Pokédex entry specifically stated that I can MELT ROCK, so this shouldn't be too much of a hassle, right?
"You are quite courageous, dragon. But I'm afraid these walls are too powerful for even I to escape from. What makes you think YOU can do it?"
Now here's the part where I instill hope in him, and make him help me. "Because I'm strong. Because I don't let challenges take me down. Instead, I let them make me stronger. These bars can hold me down, but I'll break them. I'll get stronger. Just you watch…"
At this, he remains silent. Time for the real kicker, "I got my ass handed to me by a sun goddess. After that, I realized how far behind I am. I wanna get strong enough to fight her, on even ground. I'm gonna get out of here, and I'm gonna kick her culo into orbit!"
Still silence. Meh, knowing how these things usually go, he'll certainly be inclined to help me. In the meantime, might as well show him how far I'm willing to go.
"Fire Blast! Flame Burst! Dragon Rage! Fire Punch! Overheat! Power-Up Punch! Rock Smash! Giga Impact!" The gates shake and rattle, but they still stay strong. I'll be damned if they're not made of titanium or something like that. Nonetheless, it's still heated up from my attacks. That means it might have some sort of limit to how much damage it can take. I just have to keep trying, "Inferno! Incinerate! Flamethrower! Dragon Claw! Mega Kick! Mega Punch! Mega Punch! Mega… PUUUUUNNNNCCCCHHHHH!" I begin a rapid series of Mega Punches, concentrating them all on a single point which I'd made sure was the focus of my earlier attacks. The spot itself was red-hot, and I could feel my knuckles bruising, not just from punching, but also from the heat. Hey, a dragon can only take so much, y'know?
"GRRRRAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!" My punches go faster, and faster, until my arms become a dull orange blur, camouflaged with the super-heated metal. I keep going, I keep going, God, damnit, I keep going. I go until I feel something snap. And I still keep on going. Another snap. Both my arms are broken. No matter.
"Dragon Tail! Mega Kick! Wing Attack! Fire Fang!" I keep circulating through the moves, because I know that I'm getting closer. I KNOW I am. Another snap. My right leg's busted. I keep kicking. The sound of flesh against metal echoes through the prison, but I KNOW I can escape. Nothing will stop me from getting out. Not some sun god puttana, not a platoon of finocchio guards in fancy armor, and CERTAINLY NOT SOME WEAK-ASS DOOR!
Another snap. Both my legs are broken. I keep going, with Dragon Tails and Wing Attacks. Another snap, and I collapse. My left wing's broken. I'm lying on the ground, but I'm not out of the game yet! I raise my head, and unleash a Flamethrower with all I have left. The trail of flame flies through the air, arcing, and colliding with the point that I'd abused so much. The gate begins to glow again, and it glows as bright as it could. I keep burning, and burning it, until I finally run out of breath.
"Guh… Huff… Did… did I do it?" There's so much smoke in the air I can't even see the damage.
"…" The other figure simply trots near the smoke, and begins… fanning it away? But I heard four legs. How does he have hands?
"Observe, the fruits of your effort." I turn to the gate, and… "GUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!Così vicino! Così dio dannatamente vicino!" After all of that, I got A DENT! A SINGLE GODDAMN DENT!
"No… No, no, NOOOOOOOO! I won't die down here! I WON'T! GIGA IMPACT!" I slam into the wall with all I have left. I barely even tap it, before falling over.
"Your courage is admirable, and your determination? Even more so. But that only gets you so far. These gates are impregnable. Believe me, I've tried. There's no way around them."
"Then… I'll just… make… a way… through them…" He stares at me after that.
"Very well. You've piqued my interest. You wish to find a way out? Then you'll need to get stronger."
I look up at him, and glare, "Yeah, no shit, Sherlock."
He frowns in response, "You want my help, or not?"
I stare, before smirking, "Depends. Will it get my flaming culo out of here?"
"Hopefully. What's your name, drake?"
"Geo. I'm Geo."
"Nice to meet you, Geo. I am Lord Tirek.
"BWA-HA-HA-HA! So… so, you… tried to DRAIN THEIR MAGIC POWER? OOH-HO-HO-HO-HO! Mio dio, this is just too good!" I'm leaning back against a large rock, in front of a campfire I started, breaking my shite laughing, while Tirek speaks of his imprisonment in this hellhole. Apparently, he's a minotaur who tried to drain the innate magic of the ponies that lived here to strengthen himself, but he got his ass whooped and then stuck in here. I lean my head back, and drink from a canteen filled with some water Tirek found. Well, he thinks it's water. Tastes good enough, so it's fine by me.
He turns away, and stares at the gate, clenching his thin, malnourished fist, "Hmph. Those Royal Sisters simply took me by surprise. I swear, I shall hang them on my wall when I get my hands on them. Those two will never see what hit them." 'Those two'? I raise my head in response.
"There's only two of them? Huh, thought there were three." Tirek's head practically whips towards me.
"THREE? You say there's a THIRD alicorn out there?" Uh-oh.
"Well, yeah. Wings and a horn. Purple, goes by Twi. Think that's a nickname, not sure. But considering how 'Sweetie Belle' and 'Rarity' are legitimate names here, I wouldn't be surprised."
"DAMNATION!" He slams his hand against a rock, and… HOLY SHIT! He left a mark! "Celestia has ANOTHER alicorn? This shall make the coming battle all the more difficult…"
"Wait, she's NOT one of the sisters?" I cock my head out of curiousness. Tirek turns to me, practically stomps his way over, grabs me by the throat, and shakes me like a doll.
"What do you know about her? How strong is she? WHAT IS SHE CAPABLE OF?"
I stare blankly, before slowly replying, "Dunno. I fought her friends and her guards. She never got a chance to lift a finger, surprisingly. Although, she CAN lift things through the air."
Tirek's eyes narrow, "What kind of things?"
I show him the Mega Stones, "These. Don't know what else she can do, though…"
Tirek's eyes widen, then he turns away and roars. Well, roars as good as a minotaur that hasn't eaten anything in over a thousand years can roar. It was more of a light cry. Still got the message, though, "DAMNIT! We'd be going in against TWO ALICORNS, and a third whose limitations we are COMPLETELY unaware of!"
Oh, mannaggia, he's right. I only fought Luna in the dream world, and even THEN, I curb-stomped her, really. She only fired off a few laser beams, but I never gauged their strength… Maybe I should've. Ah, well. What's done is done.
"Geo." I raise my head, and he stares at me with a look of determination, "You must get stronger, if you want to leave this place. And you must get FAR stronger if you want to stand a chance at Celestia or Luna. I am willing to train you, if only for our shared goal of revenge. After that, we shall part ways, understand?"
I smirk in response, "Oh, HELL, yeah! Facciamolo!" No matter what, I will get stronger.
"GRAGH!" A stone flies through the air, and I rear back my fist.
"Hah… Rock Smash!" I slam my claw into the stone, and take a firm grasp of it, digging my claws into it. I clench my fist, and it shatters into pieces. I raise the pebbles in my hand, and throw them into the air. I hear a slight whistling, and I perk up. I turn, and I quickly move out of the way. Another stone hits where I was just standing.
Another whistle, and I dodge again. The stones begin falling at a faster rate, and I move around quickly as I can. I hear one directly above me. I look up, and I snarl, "Dragon Tail!" I swing my tail, and it knocks the rock into the air. I raise my claw, "Power-Up Punch!" The entire thing shatters into pieces. I look to Tirek, and he simply shakes his head, and points up. I look up, and a second rock falls, knocking me to the ground.
"You should feel lucky I went easy on you. Because Celestia won't." Clever vecchio caprone…
"Grgh… hurk… Gragh!" A large stone sits on my back, wobbling. Both of my claws are around ropes, which I will pull if it starts leaning to the other side. It hurts, but it's worth it. I'll get strong. Stronger. Stronger. STRONGER!
"GRAGH!" I yank on both ropes, and the stone ceases moving.
"Good, good. Now here's the real challenge: stay like this until supper." Wait, there's food down here? Why didn't he say so- Oh, dio.
Thunk!
"Look, Geo… if you want to get out of here, you'll have to try harder." Tirek and I sit at the campfire. He sips the canteen, but I smack it away.
"What the HELL do you think I'm doing? Slacking off? I wanna get back at them JUST AS BAD AS YOU! I'm putting 110% into this! I just wanna get back at them for locking me in here!"
"Well, you HAVE to get stronger!
"I AM!"
"Well, you're not getting strong enough!"
"HOW MUCH STRONGER DO YOU WANT ME TO BE?"
"I WANT YOU TO BE THE BEST! I WANNA SEE THE BEST DAMN CHARIZARD IN THE WORLD! I WANNA SEE THAT BLAZE MAKE YOU SO STRONG, YOU ENVELOP CELESTIA'S FLAME!
"Rock Smash!" I grab the rock falling from the roof, and I throw it at another falling rock. The two, now a single larger rock, floats in air for but a moment. I run to it, an drop-kick it, "Mega Kick!" I knock the stone to another that's falling. Once I hit the ground, I jump up, and fly out of the way of the falling rocks. I turn to Tirek, and he points again. I catch the stone with but a single claw, and crush it without even using a move.
"Grgh…" The stone on my shoulders balances nicely, and Tirek stares at the stopwatch. It's the only thing Celestia brought him, mainly to taunt him. Now? It's a tool to make me stronger.
"Thirteen minutes. You're doing excellent. You can put it down now. I think you're ready. There's still one more test you need to do…"
"FLAMETHROWER!" A continuous wave of heat etches from my mouth, hitting the gate. Tirek hits the timer, and sits back. Where'd he even GET it?
"Hold your flame. I do not expect you to be able to overpower Celestia with brute force, nobody's flame can be weaker than the sun's. But I DO know that her connection to it is limited. She refuses to tap into its full power, for her overprotective nature. She believes holding back will keep her people safe. Rather, it is where we shall lay claim to victory. You must OUTLAST her, Geo!"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up already, feckin chancer! I'll beat you to the bloody ground at this rate!
"Hold… hold…" WHAT THE HELL D'YOU THINK I'M DOING?
"It WEAKENS! Keep it at the same level, fool!" Jaysus, man! I'm up to ninety here! No need to scream like that!
"Ah-hem?" I roll my eyes, and force the flame to its maximu- merda. That's teh last thought I have before I hit the floor.
"Hello? Geo? Are you awake? WAKE UP, BOY!" I crane my neck, and stare inquisitively at him. By God, he's gonna get it!
"Hold yer whist, ya bloody freak o' nature! I pass out from breathing fire, and the only thing you think to do is YELL at me?"
"Well, you NEEDED to see this. Look what I found, it landed on your head. It's what took you out..." He raises a small item to me.
I can't quite make it out, but I raise my tail flame, and- "Jamey mack! It's a bloody ™!"
"A what now?" He stares inquisitively, before I realize he has no idea what I'm talking about.
"A ™. It stands for Technical Machine. You use one of these, and a Pokémon can learn a new move. From the looks of it, this is… #44! Rest!" Thank GOD I already explained to him what Pokémon were and how we're of another dimension. What I DIDN'T mention was that Pokémon are fictional creatures made by Nintendo. Meh, what he doesn't know won't hurt him.
Tirek raises his eyebrow, "Rest? Sleeping is a technique of you… Pokémon?"
"No! I mean, yes- I mean, GAH! Okay, it's a MOMENTARY rest. While I'm using this technique, I sleep, and then all of my wounds recover!"
THIS piques his interest, "The ability to instantly recover from any wound? By SLEEPING? Let me see that… I wonder if it'll recover my lost power…" He reaches for it, but I swipe it away.
"No. It won't recover lost stamina. Believe me, I've seen other Pokémon use this move. Still tired as feck. It just prolongs the inevitable if yer on the losing team, but when the enemy's chargin' up their moves, this can come in real darn handy. Besides, I dun think anythin' other than Pokémon can use these. Better off not to risk it. It COULD kill you. And that would be just terrible. You're the only person who's willing to help me out. Can't let you die so soon."
Tirek glares at me for my sarcasm, "Well, then acquire its powers. If you're capable of healing yourself so, then you should be able to do more damage against Celestia and Luna. At least, some more. Wait, what if you're completely incapacitated?"
I turn to him, and reply quickly, "If a Pokémon is absolutely beaten, and they lose consciousness against their will, then they can only heal naturally. At least, until they get enough strength to use Rest. The only problem with this move is, I don't wake up immediately after I recover. It takes a minute to wake up. And NO, slapping won't help. The only way for me to fight is to have #88, Sleep Talk. That'll let me attack when I'm asleep on the battlefield."
Tirek raides an eyebrow, "It wouldn't happen to be… this one, now would it?" He raises another ™, and it's… Yep, it has #88 on its side!
"WHOO-HOO! OH, YEAH!" I act the maggot for a little, dancing about with the the two TMs. Seriously, TWO! I have TWO TMs! "Wait, how many others are there?"
Tirek merely rolls his eyes, then points to a few other lying in a pile. I giggle, and dash over to them, and begin digging through them, "It must be Christmas! Let's see… Earthquake? Oh, thank goodness! We could always use THAT for some widespread panic! Wait… there's only a few here… Earthquake, Focus Blast, Shadow Claw, DOUBLE TEAM? THANK GOD! That would've come in handy so long ago! Would've never gotten into this sinkhole… Wait, is that… YES! OH, YES!" I raise the ™ into the air, showing Tirek, "Behold, Lord Tirek. THe key to our salvation. ™ #28, Dig! With this, I can dig my way out! I can open it from the outside! YES! We can get out of here!"
Tirek practically collapses in joy, and I raise Dig into the air. I focus, and I feel the ™ begin to rotate. It raises into the air, before slowly sliding into my stomach.
Congratulations! Your Geo has learned Dig!
"Now, before we go, you mind if I burn through the other ones?"
With a larger arsenal than before, the two of us stand before the gate. Tirek holds my Mega Stones, so I can use both hands for the job I'll have to do. I stretch my wings, and crick my neck and knuckles. I turn to Tirek, who nods, before mouthing 'go'. He told me that Cerberus, a three-headed dog, guards the gate, and that Celestia herself visits every now and again. Apparently, his clock says today's an inspection day. If they check us now, they'll figure out I can dig through dirt, and we'll be put under better containment measures.
"Ah-HEM! It's only a matter of time until they commence with the inspection! Every second worth of a head-start from them counts!"
Merda. I reach back, before leaping forwards, "Dig!" Instinctively knowing the technique, I scratch through the ground repeatedly, and find myself burrowing through earth like a hot knife through butter. I keep digging forwards, until I feel the gate's cold hard metal touch my tail flame. I take a deep breath, hope for the best, and submerge the flame.
OH MY GOD! I GOTTA GET IT OUT OF HERE! NOT AGAIN, NOT AGAIN, NOT AGAIN! I burst from underneath the ground, and do a light spin in air to remove the dirt. I look to my flame. It's not even hurt at all. Huh, it's like getting a shot, or something. Ah, well. Better not do it again. Don't wanna risk it.
"GROOOAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!" Huh, so this is the 'guard dog of Tartarus'. I was expecting more of a badass German Shepard, or a Siberian Husky. What I was NOT expecting, was a BULLDOG. Seriously! DISNEY'S interpretation was probably better! Anyone remember that? Anyone? Fine, here's a picture:
In all seriousness, that dog was AWESOME. Just ripping apart a MASSIVE steak like that.
"RAOF!" Right. TIME TO DIE, TOUGH GUY! He lunges at me, and I fly overhead. Let's see… Normal-type? Dark?
See, after hearing the stuff Tirek told me about this world, I managed to understand that these creatures have inherent attributes that are similar to Pokémon types. Tirek himself is a Dark type. I should know, I used Power-Up Punch on him. It was a training accident, okay? Anyways, he claimed it stung more than it should've, and it singed his flesh. Apparently, that's the effect of Fighting types on Dark types. Anyways, I understand now that my moves can work on them depending on their inherent 'type'. But I can't tell what they are unless I actually test them in combat. But for now, I'll just take him down. Not in the mood for any scientific shit.
"Mega… PUNCH!" I slam my fist into Cerberus' middle head, "Shadow Claw!" A dark coating of purple energy extends around my hand in the shape of what most resembles a Gengar's hand, which I bring down on the right head.
"Are ya gonna step aside, ya mutt?" The left head whimpers, and runs off, with the other two unconscious. I turn to the gates, and I reach for the opening valve. I grasp it, and I pull tightly.
"Grgh… GRAGH!" The gates groan, and slowly peel themselves apart. Locks of all shapes and sizes dismantle, and open. A powerful hissing releases into the air. Tirek himself trots out, and hands me the Mega Stones. I look at him, and grin.
"We did it! We're free!" Tirek turns, and stares at the empty sky. He holds his hands high in triumph, and stands victorious. He breathes in the fresh air, and laughs.
"Hey, hate to break it to you, but we need to move. Now."
Tirek shakes his head, and then turns to me, "Quite right. Wait, they're coming! Quickly, we must hide!"
I grin, "Hop on. I can use Fly and get us out of here." Tirek nods, and climbs onto my back. I shake back and forth, before bursting into the air, "Fly!"
Moments later, we're high in the sky, and Tirek is laughing away, enjoying his freedom. "WE DID IT! WE ESCAPED TARTARUS! HERE ME, EQUESTRIA! I, LORD TIREK, HAVE ESCAPED FROM TARTARUS! HAH-HAH! NOTHING CAN STOP US, NOW!" I stop in midair.
"Hmm… let's see… we're gonna need a place to hide out… at least until we can formulate a plan… somewhere where neither of us will be seen as conspicuous…"
Tirek rubs his beard, "I wish I knew the state of modern Equestrian affairs. I don't know what places would find a dragon very inconspicuous. But I know that if I just stay under my cloak, I can resemble a pony enough for them to shrug me off… hopefully."
Brilliance strikes me, "I know just where to go."
Tirek nods, "Tell me."
"Where I first awoke in this world. It's a forest, pretty darn deep. No inhabitants, as far as I can tell. It should be the perfect place to remain hidden in. You can rest, and recover your power there, with real food and water, and I can hide."
"You mean to say the Everfree?" I nod, "If that's what it's called."
We soar through the air, and I happen to notice the small town that borders it, "That town. That's where Twi lives."
Tirek nods, "We can spy on her from the forest. Hopefully, something will come around that will show us just what she's capable of. I also know that the Sisters lived in a castle in here, once. If what you said about them living in a mountain city is correct, then the old castle must be abandoned. The Everfree's many dangers must've set them off over time. It should be in THAT direction, if the mountain hasn't moved." He points a single bony finger at a certain part of the woods.
Good enough for me. I turn sharply at Tirek's gesture, and begin to descend. I slow down when I see the ruins of a castle.
"Just as I imagined. They couldn't handle the Everfree. Their 'little ponies' were put into too much danger just to praise their god-rulers. They would never have been able to stomach those circumstances."
"Whatever. I just hope there's food nearby. We can always get water from the moat." I stomp through the castle, using my tail as a torch. Tirek is also on guard, clutching at his cloak like a kid would a blanket. He clearly plans to throw it in the face of the first thing he sees. It's flammable, so I'll scorch it the moment he does. I raise my claw, telling him to stop. I sniff the air for a moment, and find nothing.
"Nothing here. You can relax now." He cools down, and I begin wandering with less constraint. We check through various rooms, trying to find any useful supplies. Eventually, we find a small pile of old rusted weaponry, several old sacks and bags, and a bunch of old stone. Brilliance striking me again, I decide to take the rusted weapons to the forge, and I light it with a single Ember, such is the strength of my growth. I take the weapons, and begin to melt them down. My status as a Fire-type made it easier to work in the forge, and to properly do what I had to. This would certainly help us in the future battles, oh sì, anzi…
"Geo! I've been trying to find you for the past twenty minutes! Look, I found some food! It's not much, but it's better than- oh, my…" He drops the small bundle of fruits he found, and stares in awe at my creations.
"Whaddya think? It's not that effective, and it only covers some of my vitals, but it's better than nothing, right?"
Tirek stands in awe, before shaking his head, "What good could something like THIS do? All it can accomplish is protect just a LITTLE BIT of you!"
"Better a little than nothing, right? And besides, I didn't want those weapons to go to waste. They're already dead, why not give them a new purpose, and this time not one that involves protecting imbeciles?"
"Hmm.. fair point… any other ideas you had in mind?"
"By the stars above…" Tirek stared at a large piece of parchment, containing a blueprint for a large set of armor fitted for the minotaur himself.
"And you WONDERED why I didn't make that much for myself. You look like you're more of a tank kind of fighter, so I made it so that you'd have more armor. I can just fly around them, anyways, with Smokescreen and all…"
Tirek stared at me, then back to the design, then back to me, "Just twenty minutes… and you not only made this BRILLIANT design, but also your own armor?"
"HAH! Twenty minutes? I've been here for the past HOUR! And you call THIS armor? It's just a bunch of scraps that were lying around. They fit, so I thought I'd test them out. I think I can work on this design from here. I know the basics to welding, so this shouldn't be too hard." Oh, god BLESS you, Uncle Richard, for that hour-long course on the basics of forging metal. And thank god that I was actually caring enough to remember! He was a cool guy. Vorrei lo conoscevo meglio... Nonetheless, I turn from Tirek, and grab a hammer. I toss an Ember at a piece of metal, and begin smacking away.
"I'm gonna be down here a while. Leave the food at the door. I'll cook it once I've gotten through with this." Tirek nods, and then goes upstairs. I slam the hammer over and over again, and a familiar diddy comes to mind. As I smack the hammer, I sing to myself a tune that my mother drilled into my head.
Metal sizzles in the air, and the forge releases a powerful yawn, after having slept for so long.
I first produced me pistol, and I then produced me rapier, Saying stand and deliver for you are the bold deceiver
KANK
I raise a piece of iron, and I use Flamethrower to make it more bendable. I grab it with my claws, ignoring the stinging, and begin to flatten it out.
Musha ring dumma do dumma da Whack for the daddy oh Wahck for the daddy oh There's whiskey in the jar
KANK
I raised the iron, and then began whacking it into a curved shape, similar to the shape of Tirek's head. I left a space for his horns, and I had that space connect to the eyes, in a Spartan helmet manner. The T shape extended to the horn sockets, but the t was thin enough so it wouldn't slip off at a moment's notice.
I counted out his money, and it made a pretty penny I put it in me pocket and I took it home to Jenny
KANK
I began grooving out the edges, and widening it so his head would be able to slip right in. I noted to myself I'd need to double check his head size later.
She sighed and she swore she never would deceive me But the devil take the women for they never can be easy
KANK
I use Scratch to open up some of the larger pieces of armor, before throwing them onto a large 'pot' of sorts, that hovered over the forge on chains. I'm assuming this is where armor and weapons would be melted into better shapes, so I would try to use it like that.
Musha ring dumma do dumma da Whack for the daddy oh Wahck for the daddy oh There's whiskey in the jar
KANK
The molten iron pours into a mold I carved out, and it begins making a chest plate. The design itself is simple, since I'm extremely lazy, but also effective. It's fairly thick, so it should manage to stop any incoming attacks. At least, any swords or blades. It might help with magic, but I don't wanna put any money on that claim just yet.
I went up to my chamber, all for to take a slumber I dreamt of gold and jewels and for sure twas no wonder
KANK
I watch as the metal sizzles against the mold, and slowly takes upon the shape I needed. The excess leaked off into the forge itself, and disappeared amongst the molten stone and metal.
But Jenny drew up me charges, and she filled them full of water Then sent for Captain Farrell to be ready for the slaughter
KANK
I glare at the haze, and it slowly wears away, showing a perfectly molded breastplate. I reach for a lever, and pulled, releasing water from the moat onto my craft. It sizzles powerfully, before dissipating. I grin at the creation, and then I set it off to the side, next to the helmet.
Musha ring dumma do dumma da Whack for the daddy oh Wahck for the daddy oh There's whiskey in the jar
KANK
I look to the parts and gear that would become his lower body armor, and I grin. I raise the pieces all at once, and I pour them into the melting pot.
Twas early in the morning, just before I rose to travel Up comes a band of footmen and likewise, Captain Farrell
KANK
I lower them into molds shaped for a larger quadruped's body, and they slowly spread out. They make themselves into a solid form, before settling and letting the excess drip off. I pour the water over, and I sigh deeply.
I first produced me pistol, for she stole away me rapier I couldn't shoot the water, so a prisoner I was taken
KANK
I take the armor, and raise it high into the air, letting the light cast over it, before setting it to the side, satisfied
Musha ring dumma do dumma da Whack for the daddy oh Wahck for the daddy oh There's whiskey in the jar
KANK
I look to the final pieces, some armbands. I grab some swords and break off some old arrowheads, and I let them melt down, before funneling them into ring shapes.
If anyone can aid me, it's my brother in the army If I can find his station in Cork or in Killarney
KANK
I watch as the pieces sizzle, before pouring water onto them, and setting them aside. Now, Tirek's armor set is complete. I grin as I gaze upon the finished set, and a low chuckle comes from my throat.
And if he goes with me, we'll go rovin' through Kilkenny And I'm sure he'll treat me better than my own a-sportin Jenny
KANK
I stare at the perfection of it all. Tirek will definitely be impressed. This'll allow me to get on his good side. Yeah. I know what yer thinking. Do I REALLY want him as a friend? At this point, he's probably a superior alternative to the rest of the schmucks sitting around here. Besides, he's been good to me. Good enough to let me get stronger. And that's worth a LOT more in my book than in most people's.
"Geo, has the armor been finished yet?"
"See for yourself, minotaur."
"I'm a CENTAUR, foolish LIZARD! AND I SHALL BE- Oh, my."
I turn to him, and give him a smug grin, "You'll be… what? Wait, you're called a centaur?" Huh, guess I should've paid more attention in ancient history class. I thought the whole mythos part wasn't necessary, so I played a shit-ton of Super Smash Bros for 3DS during it. Nobody noticed, of course. Nobody ever does, for some reason. In hindsight, it's like the universe wanted me to be a gamer…
"Yes. I'm called a CENTAUR. And is this the finished armor?"
"Yup. Now, then… what was it you wanted to talk about?"
"Right… I heard something coming through the woods. We'd best be prepared."
"Cazzo… How big, you estimating?"
"It's potentially an Ursa Minor."
"An Ursa-whatta?"
"An Ursa Minor. Take a gigantic bear, and give it the appearance of stars."
"Sounds like fun. Maybe I should-"
Tirek grabs me, and smacks me around, "NO! If you take that thing on, it'll draw the attention of the citizens of Ponyville! And that means we'll have to face this 'Twi' you spoke of!"
Merda. He's right. "So… any ideas?"
"We wait for it to pass by. In the meantime, keep working on any equipment we'll need."
I nod, and fire up the forge again, this time taking armor and forging it into a simpler shape.
"Geo, how is your own gear coming along? If we must fight this creature, I'd rather we be armed properly."
"Almost finished. Just need to hammer out the helmet a little…" I raise the tool, before crashing it onto a few dents on the headpiece. After a few more hard smacks, I overlook the piece, and grin in a satisfied manner.
"This is better than I could've expected from you, Geo. I'm positive that this shall allow us to stand against the majority of Equestrian weaponry. Knowing them, they probably haven't advanced much in the past thousands years. They call themselves ponies, but they are more sheep-like in nature. They do nothing to better themselves. They only are content with sitting back and letting their princesses fix all of their problems. They live dull, boring lives."
I instinctively growl in response. "I'm positive this will mean we won't have to deal with anything particularly difficult. We'll only have to worry about the princesses, right? Their magic is all we should be concerned with."
Tirek shakes his head, "Boy, ALL unicorns are to be concerned with. And pegasi. Their powers over the weather are not to be underestimated."
I do a double-take to Tirek, "Wait, they can what?"
Tirek turns to the armor on the wall, "Yes. Pegasi can channel their own innate magic into the clouds in the sky, allowing them to move clouds, and create lightning storms. In combat, they can hurl small cyclones, and weak bolts of thunder on their enemies."
"MERDA!" I snarl, and I throw a table to the side, "Electric-type attacks? And we're both wearin' metal armor… And I'm a flying type… FECKIN HELL!" I breath fire up onto the ceiling angrily, before stomping away.
"Where are YOU going?"
"To get some feckin' fresh air." I storm my way out of the castle, before stretching open my wings. Tirek's frail body barely catches up to me, before trying to grab at me. I Fly before he gets within arm's reach.
"NO! GEO! YOU FOOL! YOU'LL GET CAUGHT!"
No, I really won't. Especially at this elevation. Now I'm high in the air, looking around at the upper cloud line. I breath heavily, my lungs still trying to adapt to the sudden change in pressure. After a while, my breath cools, and I relax. My gaze passes around the area, before settling on a small opening in the clouds, leading directly to Ponyville. A large surge of rage grows in my mind, and I get a rather devious idea. I make a sharp nosedive, and I begin sniffing around once I break the cloud line. I look through the forest, before seeing- HOLY SHIT! That's a big feckin bear! I bet not even Zangief could pile-drive that sonofabitch! Bene, il tempo di fare qualcosa di stupido…
I begin falling, faster and faster, before I pull up, and I float around the beast. "Hey, stupid!" It turns around, and stares blankly. I grin deviously, "I got a present for ya! Aerial Ace!" I swing around it, before clawing along the side of its head. It roars in response, before trying to bat me to the side. I grin, and fly away, in the direction of Ponyville. Time for Operation: Spicy Alpaca!
My keen eyes notice several ponies in the area shifting about when they hear the Ursa roar. I manage to fly through the streets quickly enough to lose it, and then I make a sharp turn back into the forest. Time for Phase 2! I pull up in front of the castle, and call for Tirek, "Hey! C'mon! Quickly now!"
Tirek runs out, as fast as his frail form allows him to, "What is it?"
I grin, "Hop on. I have a BRILLIANT plan!" He raises an eyebrow, but eventually does climb on. My wings stretch, and we burst into the air, flying at maximum speed.
"So, what plan do you have in mind?"
"I drew the Ursa to Ponyville!"
"You WHAT? Geo, I TOLD you to stay away from that accursed creature!"
"No, no, no! It's part of my plan! See, while IT is destroying the town, WE can get any supplies we need! And we can also see what Twi is capable of!"
Tirek stares, before slowly peeling his lips back in a grin, "And I can get back to my full power this way… heh, heh…"
I smile at him, before looking back to where I was going, and began to fly faster.
We arrive back at Ponyville, hiding from the large beast. We quickly dash into the market square, which has been abandoned by ponies, since the Ursa is dangerously close. I look around, before noticing a rather interesting-looking satchel in one of the booths. It perfectly resembles the satchel that Professor Birch wore in the Hoenn games. I grin, and swipe the thing from its place on the stand. Just to make sure none of them would suspect anything, I also use Rock Smash to shatter the market stand. Make it look like an accident.
"Geo! Quit shopping and start finding what we need! Get FOOD, for crying out loud!" Oh, right. I turn, and look into the other booths. After a bit of hunting, I find myself stumped. There's nothing in these stands that even RESEMBLE what I need. Dove è il cibo? It's a MARKET SQUARE, for the love of Christ. You'd think that there'd be more around!
"What's TAKING so long?" I turn to Tirek, and see that he's still on the lookout for Twi to show and demonstrate her combat prowess.
"Well, if there WAS some food around here, I'd certainly have gotten some already!"
He turns, "What do you MEAN there's no food around he- oh, no."
"What, what is it?"
"This is a freaking EXCHANGE, YOU IMBECILE!"
I look around. Sure enough, there's a few banners, but I'm unable to read them.
"THEY SAY THAT THIS IS AN ANNUAL MEET-UP OF FOREIGN COLLECTORS! THERE'S NOTHING HERE BUT TRINKETS! THIS IS ALL JUST A PATHETIC WASTE OF TIME!"
Oh, crap. "Well, at least we should be able to get you some energy! Wait… I smell some incoming! To the left!"
Tirek turns, and quickly puts on his cloak, and drops to the ground. As the ponies run past him, he cries, "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" Did he really just use the Life-Alert line?
"Hold on! We'll help you!" They get closer, and I examine them from afar. Yes, three of them, a trio of normal ponies, Earth Ponies, Tirek called them. They all had flower-related 'cutie marks'. Pathetic how those work, anyways. Once you get one, you can't do ANYTHING else in life? ANYTHING? SERIOUSLY?
"Just a second, old man! We'll get you out of here!" Old man? He doesn't sound THAT old to me…
"Thank you… I'll have to give you a reward… your eternal reward…" DID HE JUST QUOTE MOTHERFUCKING JAFAR? And… MERDA SANTO! He's EATING THEIR MAGIC! Just like that! It's… Dear, God, that's vicious… But still none of my problem.
"In hindsight, I must thank you, Geo. If not for you, I wouldn't have gotten HALF as far as I have in acquiring my revenge on Celestia and Luna.
"Heh… whatever works, right? C'mon, let's get some food before we go home."
Now we're in a small restaurant, tearing through the supplies. So far, we managed to pack some much-needed supplies. I turn to Tirek, "C'mon. This should last us for a few days. Let's go already."
Tirek nods in reply, "Indeed. We should get moving. At this rate, it's possible that we might be fo-"
A loud gasp interrupts his sentence, and both of us turn instinctively, to see Pinkie Pie, standing in the doorway, "Oh my GOSH, you're back! And you have a friend! I guess this means I'll have to-"
"Scratch!" I instantly move in front of her, and slice open her stomach. I wait for a few seconds, before grinning. Immediately after, her belly sprays blood, and she falls over.
Tirek leans back, "You… you killed her? Was that even necessary?"
I turn, and glare at him, "I'm not like you. I don't kill the weak. She's only minimally injured. If she's treated quickly enough, she should recover, but I highly doubt she'll awaken any time soon."
Tirek stares, before shrugging. He grabs his bag full of supplies, and walks out right past her. I quickly turn, and grab a tablecloth, and wrap it tightly around the wound. I pick up her and my bag, and walk outside. I set the bag and Pinkie down, before returning to the building, "Earthquake!" I stomp the ground, and it leaves a crack, which carries to the restaurant. THe entire thing falls apart in an instant. I pick up the bag, and both of us dash into the forest.
"That was a close one, wasn't it?"
"Aye. Had I been a second later, I'm sure she would've screamed. Just our luck she's not the full shilling, eh?" Tirek nods in confirmation, and leans his head back, breathing slowly.
"That small meal… will not be enough."
I turn to him, "No shite, moron. We'll need to get you more energy before ya take on anythin'."
"No… the amount of ponies here… is not nearly enough for me… I need to get to a larger area… with more ponies… more magic…"
"You want us to get up and MOVE? This is the safest bloody place that we HAVE! If I'm around, we're SURE to be noticed! You told me back in that hellhole! Dragons are absolutely HATED here! I can't go anywhere with you!"
Tirek glares, "Well, if we stay here, then that Twi will certainly find us. I'm positive that pink one's wounds will indicate something more happened to her."
Merda. The Pinkie Sense… No WAY they're going to believe that she was injured by the collapsing building! They'd sooner believe that I'm able to use ice powers!
"Maledizione!" I rodar, and slam my fist into the wall. I glare at said wall, before turning away, "Well, we'll eat for tonight, and then we'll try to find somewhere else to hide. C'mon, bring whatever you're eating over here."
"So… any ideas where we can hide?"
"Yes. I acquired for us a map of Equestria, and I have just the place." Tirek unfurls a map, and shows it to me, pointing to one city in particular, "Manehattan. This city has a large enough population for us to blend in easily, and its thick labyrinth-like structure allows us to easily avoid those who would otherwise wish us ill will. I can easily acquire enough magic to make me be able to hold my own in battle, and you can continue to train in a more… intense environment."
I stare at several other images of the place. Long, twisting roads. Sharp, tight corners. Heavy amounts of potential enemies. Perfect training area. "Let's roll out. This is gonna be fun."
"This is totally not fun." I'm sitting back against a wall, tossing a tennis ball against the other side and catching it.
Tirek glares, "Stop your whining. This is for the good of both of us."
"We've been here for five days. Five. Days. So far, you've been the only one able to DO anything. You've been draining ponies left and right! And what've I done? Nothing. Lots of NOTHING. No flying, no training, NOTHING. Because YOUR attempts to drain magic has put all the guard on HIGH ALERT! Speaking of which, why haven't I seen either of our wanted posters?"
"What do you mean?"
"What I mean is, if Celestia HERSELF does these inspections, why is it there's been no form of public announcements? She should've let them all know we've escaped!"
Tirek snorts, "C'mon, Geo. You know these ponies by now. They're PATHETIC. Even a BUNNY STAMPEDE sets them off. And since Celestia believes she is perfectly capable of handling EVERY situation, then she wouldn't let these ponies go into a panic. We're SAFE. They don't know where we are. And trust me, in a while, that Pinkie Pie will wake up, and then they'll start sniffing for us in the Everfree. They don't know that we've already secured ourselves in Manehattan."
I nod, understanding exactly what's going on. "Hmph, indeed. But what of MY training?"
Tirek groans, "Try it tonight, alright? I'm positive that these ponies won't even THINK about going outside, since 'the Magic Thief' is about." He chuckles, "See? Why do you THINK I've had you stay put? I was setting up your course."
"You're a clever bastard, you know…"
"I know. But I also know you're significantly more so. Which is why I value your ability to analyze the enemy in battle. It's an essential skill that we both need to survive this."
"Heh. Don't expect such blatant praise to get you very far."
"I don't. I know actions mean more to you than words."
"And so far, yours have been quite meaningful. Thank you for all you've done, Tirek. Now, if you don't mind, I think I'll Rest…"
Night quickly approaches, and I awaken, energized and free. I step outside through the old broken window, and my wings stretch for the first time in a week. I look around, and I grin. I burst out, and Fly to my heart's content. I swish past stores, banks, and dealerships at such a speed I can't tell any of them apart. I go up, and down. I turn, and I throttle. I go close to the ground, and I go high above the skyscrapers. I land atop one, and take in the fresh air. I open up my satchel, and sit down. I reach into it, pulling out the orange Charizardite Y. For the past few weeks, I've been trying to get it, or its counterpart,t to work. I've been unsuccessful, unfortunately. But now, I'll try again. I take the modified Mega Ring, now refitted to fit snugly on my wrist, and I hold the stone. I push the stone in, and I hear a single 'click'.
Nothing. Again. "God, DAMNIT!" I throw the satchel to the ground, and then the Charizardite X slip out. It rolls, and it was only my peripheral vision that sees the stone falling from the roof. "CAZZO!" I jump off, and fall as fast as I can, barely grabbing onto the Charizardite. However, I know I'm falling too fast to pull up, so I do the natural thing, and use Sky Drop, instead turning my momentum into an attack. I figured it out a while ago that Sky Drop can be used to break my fall, if I direct the attack to the ground. Kind of like how the Assassins can land in barrels of hay perfectly fine, even from atop extremely tall buildings. Or how Corvo Attano can break HIS fall by stabbing someone in the back of the head.
"Hragh!" I breathe for a moment, and look at the small impact crater I made. I flap my wings, and burst the rising dust away, and roar into the air, unleashing a Flamethrower as well.
Creak
My head snaps to my left, and I see a door opened slightly, with a single face gazing out from it. The moment I turned, they closed it more, but still left enough room for the one eye to see me. Merda, this won't be good…
"Hey, you!" I storm towards the door, and when I see them try to close it, I shove my claw in the way. I pull it open, and I grab the pony by the throat. I take only a second to take in her features, creamy skin, with striped light blue and white hair. I glare, before feeling my expression soften somewhat upon gazing at her soft, innocent, blue eyes. Remembering why I cam where in the first place, my gaze hardens again, "Not one word, do you hear me? Not one. Single. Feckin'. Word. Understand?"
She nods slowly, and I set her down. As I turn, I look back, and Growl, to unnerve her, and in case she tries to hit me with a chair. Seriously, even though I have maximized my Defense stat against Tirek's boulder trick, I do NOT wanna be hit with something so pathetic. My wings unfurl, and I soar into the night sky, hoping to disappear from her memory quick enough.
"You were SPOTTED?"
"C'mon. You said it yourself, they're PATHETIC! As long as she thinks I'm still around, she won't tell ANYONE! We're FINE, remember?"
"But for HOW LONG? HOW LONG will she continue to stay silent?"
"As long as she needs to be, alright?"
"…" Tirek turns away, and scoffs, "Brilliant thinking, Pocket Monster."
"Vaffanculo!" I march away, and I go up to the rooftop. There, I stare at the many ponies below, and see them flying about, doing as they will. Living their static lives. The entire sight irritates me. I can't stand how happy these IMBECILES are! They don't ever TRY to change things up!
"Pathetic sight, isn't it?" I turn sharply, and see… Discord? The chimera freak who brought me to this hole?
"How oddly still everything is… don't you agree it could use a touch of… chaos?"
I slowly nod, not sure where this was going, "Uh-huh… What's it to ya?"
Discord jumps up, "Well, I know Celly and Lulu are gonna get positively HISSY about this, which is one of the reasons why I'm doing it, but I'm going to make you an offer."
I stay silent, and stare down at the ponies below.
"See, I'm going to let YOU do something that you normally couldn't do if you were to continue on the path you're on right now."
I scoff, "What could you possibly offer me?"
"A chance to fight the Royal Sisters. Fair game. No innocents will be involved. No outside interference. Just you, them, and your wacky, dirty tactics."
I slowly turn, "You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention."
Discord claps his hands quickly, "Excellent, EXCELLENT! Simply marvelous how much you LOVE combat! It's why I brought you here, y'know! Because I KNEW you'd give this world a much-needed dosage of disorder!"
"What would you ask of me?"
"Simple: Hand over Tirek, and I'll let you three go at it!"
WHAT. I turn to Discord, and I grab him by the throat, "Okay, NO. You think that I'm some kind of back-stabbing SCUMBAG? I'll GET my fair fight, and I KNOW I will. I don't NEED to make deals with PSYCHOPOMPS like yourself!" I toss him to the ground, "I'll do what I want, how I want. I want to fight alongside someone who HELPED me escape from that absolute HELLHOLE. I want to fight alongside someone who MADE ME STRONGER. And if you think I'll be a turncoat just for one fight, then you are terribly, terribly wrong, good sir. And now, I'm going to have myself a fight." With that, I jump off the side of the building, with Discord leaning over, watching me with wide eyes. Clearly, he expected a different result. Well, if he's teh spirit of chaos he should expect randomness.
THUNK
I slam into the concrete, and roar into the air, "Hello, Manehattan! I'm here with a SPECIAL DELIVERY!" I charge up Flamethrower, and breathe all over the road. I specifically try to make sure that none of them were hurt, but also try to maximize environmental damage. Hey, considering how Godzilla could do what HE did to San Francisco, I deserve a LITTLE bit of a destructive spree.
Kree-ow! Kra-kow!-Zoong!
Several bolts of magic fling past my head narrowly, and I duck to avoid a barrage of others. There, I see several unicorn guards, horns all aglow. "Stop, in the name of the law!"
I grin, "Aerial Ace!" I practically flash step towards them, and strike all three in a single blow. They fly into the air, all screaming in pain, scratches all along their exposed skin.
"Get him!" More bolts fly all around me, and my smile widens, "Oh, THIS is gonna be fun! VENITE A ME, ALLORA!"
"VENITE A ME, ALLORA!" I barrel around, Scratching and smacking the various guardsmen.
"Geo!" I turn my head, and see Discord, baring his deformed fangs at me. He jumps down, and comes at me, with a strange glow around his lion paw.
My lips peel back in a grin, "Double Team." As he swings, I leave nothing but an afterimage, and I move to his left. I watch and see the energy come out of his claw, and… JAYSUS! That entire spot just got WRECKED! He WARPED that space! Imagine what'd happen if I had been there… Oh mio...
"You wanna fight? Let's fight!"
"I like where this is going! FINALLY, you're seeing some SENSE! FIRE PUNCH!" I slam a flame-coated fist into Discord's side, and propel him into the air. I open my wings, and follow suit. "Fly!"
I rocket towards Discord, as he aligns himself mid-flight.
KRA-KOW!
GRAGH! Che diavolo era quello? I feel a sudden, sharp burning sensation in my side, and I turn to see a couple of pegasus guards, with a cloud.
"You wanna play like that? Okay, we'll play like that! Aerial Ace!" I dash forwards, as a simple blur. I slice through the pegasi, and the two both fall to the ground.
"Geo… You… You MONSTER! HAVE YOU NO SHAME IN THE HARM YOU BRING TO OTHERS?" I turn around, facing Discord, who now looks angry. Actually kind of intimidating. Kind of. The snaggletooth and the mismatched body are NOT helping.
"Coming from the so-called 'god of chaos'. Y'know what?"
Discord looks at the damage below, and then glares, "What? What could you POSSIBLY have to say?"
"I'm not here to 'sow chaos' like you said I was. I'm here… because I WANNA FIGHT! SHADOW CLAW!" I swipe at Discord, who warps away from me. He snaps his fingers, and I see multiple bubbles of energy. They all hover in air, before suddenly moving towards me. "Shite!"
I duck under the attacks, and I toss a look over my shoulder, to see if they're homing. Oddly enough, they're not. Huh, you'd think they woul- AGH SWEET FECKIN CHRIST! He just DOGGED ME IN THE HEAD! I rub my bruised cheek, all the while glaring at my enemy, "Clever… You're REALLY clever, y'know that, right? A whole lot more clever than you let on. You could've easily beaten these idiots over the head again and again… and yet you let yourself be considered 'beneath' them… Why? You're the strongest here. You can easily warp the Elements of Harmony to other dimensions. But you don't. You let them beat you… You let yourself become a garden accessory… Why? Why SUCCUMB to weaklings?"
"Because… BECAUSE THEY'RE MY FRIENDS!"
What.
The.
Royal.
Pickled.
FUCK?
"FRIENDS? Considering how they consider ANYTHING beyond their norm 'evil', THEY CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH US!" Looks like that struck a nerve. "They called you 'evil'? For WHAT? Acting like a FOUR YEAR OLD WITH HIS TOYS? Literally, all you did was make this world like a goddamn playground. And you were labelled as 'evil'? HOW THE FECKIN CHRIST IS THAT 'EVIL'? YOU'RE BEING PERSECUTED, YOU BLIND CAGLIONE! And I also heard about you being 'reformed'. What the FUCK does that even mean? You're not some PSYCHOPATH who needs to be cured of his 'condition'! You're JUST A FREAKING PRANKSTER! That is NOT evil! Tell me, HOW MANY OF THESE WEAKLINGS PLAY GAMES LIKE YOU DO? AND WHAT DO THEY GET FOR IT? They get called feckin 'silly'! What about that Pinkie bitch? SHE FECKIN PULLS CAKES OUT OF NOWHERE, AND NOBODY COMPLAINS! So why do they call you 'evil'? Simple: Yer not a feckin PONY, that's why! You didn't CARE about their rules! You just LIVED YER LIFE THE WAY YA WANTED TO! And now that I'M doing the same, suddenly I'M in the wrong, too? No. Feckin. NO. I'M goin ta be WHO I WANT TA BE. I WANT TA FIGHT, SO I'LL FECKIN FIGHT!"
"You're HURTING INNOCENT PONIES!"
"WHEN THE FUCK DID I DO THAT? I ONLY TARGETED THOSE I KNOW WHO COULD FIGHT BACK! I AM A WARRIOR! I FIGHT FOR THE SAKE OF A CHALLENGE! MAYBE IF YA BLEEDIN IDIOTS GOT IT OUT OF YER HEADS THAT JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE'S AGAINST YA DOESN'T MEAN THEY DON'T HAVE FECKIN STANDARDS, YOU MIGHT HAVE REALIZED THAT SOONER!"
Discord glares, "I'm tired of hearing you insult my friends. You're going down." His hand glows in a white light, and from it, a blast of energy flies at me.
"Merda! INCINERATE!" I open my mouth, and breathe out a wave of flame. It collides with the energy wave, and the two attacks create sparks of energy. I breathe with all my might, propelling waves of flame towards Discord, straining all of my stamina. I know that if I lose focus for even another second, he'll overtake me, and I'll lose. He's just… so strong… I can't fight him like this. His magic is too powerful. I need to get in close, and deal damage from there. I need to break through his defenses. C'mon, think! There must be SOME way I can make him lose concentration!
"Discord! We've come to help!" I hear the sound of several ponies behind me, and I feel Discord's attack weakening. This is the opportunity I needed!
"No! You can't stay here! He's DANGER- GRAGH!" My Incinerate hits him dead-on. He falls to the ground, with multiple singe marks all over his body.
"Discord! NO!" I turn to the ponies, and… "Oh, great. It's the Bitch Brigade." The six who I met in Ponyville. And beside them, the princesses. "Stay back, if you know what's good for you. After I'm through with him, THEN I'll deal with you weaklings."
The one they call Rainbow snarls, and then zooms in towards me, "DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME WEAK!"
"… Heh! So, it looks like you wanna go down FIRST! Dragon Tail!" I smack Rainbow into the concrete, and as she picks herself up, I fly straight towards her, "Flame Punch!" I hit her dead in the stomach, and propel her into the air.
"Had enough, feather-head?" I grin maliciously, as I watch her be propelled through the air.
"Maybe she has…" OOF! "But AH certainly haven't!" DAMN that donkey kick! I fly back several feet, and I catch myself, tearing through the ground on my claws. I look up, and see the farmer, a focused stare unlike the look I remember from before.
"Looks like… you've gotten strong… That kick hit harder than last time… but I've gotten STRONGER! Dragon Rage!" I unleash the Dragon-type wave of energy towards her, and it tears up the street while it travels. I decide to not be idle, and I dash into the air overhead, and analyze the situation.
Farmer girl can't move fast enough to evade the projectile, and she knows it. All she's doing is bracing herself for the inevitable one-hit KO. Behind her, Twi is charging her horn, probably to make an energy shield. Butters, that yellow one who technically started this whole mess, is sitting there, scared shitl- Wait, she was there a second ago. Dove è andata?
KREOW-KRA-THUNK
Dragon Rage hit its mark. I look down, and see- what the hell. Farmer girl. Not there anymore. But I'm pretty sure I didn't annihilate her. So where is she? Wait, don't tell me…
"Thanks, Shy!"
NO. No, no, NO! She did NOT just- shit, she did. Well, wasn't expecting… 'Shy' to be able to move super-fast… Well, with that knowledge in mind, I can safely say that she is now to be labelled a valuable tar-
BEEEEYAAAOOOOM-WACCCHIIIIIIIIM-KEOWN
Holy shit, I must be tripping balls or something! EVERYTHING SMELLS LIKE PURPLE! HOLY FUCKING SHIIIIIIIIIIII-
-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit? Why am I on the ground? And this place… doesn't smell like Manehattan… HOLY BALLS, this place is weird… smells like brimstone and coal… Damn, where IS here, anyways? I pick myself up, only to see several spears aimed at my head. Well, fuck me in the ass with a brick…
"That won't be necessary. We don't resort to such… violent means here. Relax, you are among friends." A deep, calming voice, one that sounds way too goddamn familiar, echoes across the catacombs. The spears raise, and the wielders walk away. I pull myself up, and watch them. Instead of ponies, I see weird mechanical creatures, and… HOLY SHIT! Are those Rahkshi from fucking BIONICLE? FUCK YEAH! Wait a minute… Rahkshi come from…
"Hello. You may refer to me as Makuta Teridax." Merda. I'm dealing with a practical demigod, and I couldn't even kill a REAL one. Well, if I was even given the chance…
"You needn't worry. You should feel at peace here."
"You SERIOUSLY sound like a Bond villain right about now… I do NOT feel comfortable, and I am CERTAINLY not going to relax until I learn WHY THE FUCK I'M HERE!"
Tall, dark, and plainly evil backs away at my outburst, "That is a rather complicated explanation, but I shall do what I can do explain it to one such as you." Wait, did I just get called retarded? Okay, THAT'S IT! YOU ASKED FOR IT!
"Before you do something foolish, NO. I did NOT imply you were… 'retarded', as they say. I simply meant that I am on a higher level than you. After all, I don't expect you to be capable of Understanding the universe like I do."
… Why do I get the feeling that was a major plot point?
"You see, there are multiple realities that exist in the universe… parodies, so to speak. What-ifs, Could-bes, and similar concepts." He held up his palm, which somehow showed visions of multiple versions of… holy shit is Ash kissing his Butterfree?
"Erm, I DO apologize for showing you that… Note to self, get a filter. You're not Google images..."
"…"
"Do you understand, so far?"
"Y… yeah… I think… I've been scarred for life, but yeah. I get it."
"Well, see, YOU were sent from YOUR version of Earth to the world of which you've become… familiar with. A version where the ponies are anthropomorphized versions of themselves… with clothes, to boot."
Wait, what?
"Judging by your expression, you don't know about the base Equestria, do you? Well, that's not important now."
"And where do I play into all of this?"
"You see, in the… 'multiverse', as it's been coined, there is… a 'script', of sorts. A way that things absolutely must happen. Fate. Destiny. It applies to everyone, even those that think they are freed from its influence. It was created… by the Admins."
"You're… you're fucking kidding me, right? First, you tell me that this all has been pre-determined, and no matter what, I can't do shit about it, and then ya tell me that some goddamn computer wiz stronzo tells me who to live my life?"
"I do not refer to the admins of the Internet you are familiar with… What I refer to is THE Admins. Those who create, monitor, and write the 'script' of the multiverse. Now, I have several simple goals. One of them being to eliminate the Sys Admins, as they prefer to be called. Now, see, I have a gift that normally only they possess… Understanding."
There it is, THERE IT IS AGAIN! AND HOW IS HE SAYING THAT IN THAT WEIRD WAY? I CAN FEEL IT!
"Understanding is the ability to see the 'code' of the multiverse, and, by extension, everything the Sys Admins have planned. I, and only one other who is NOT a Sys Admin, have this power. I have foreseen what they would've done to you, 'Geo', and I do not approve at all."
A wave of cold flows through my veins. A pure, bonafide, icy chill. Simple, primal, fear.
"Do you want to know? What it is they would've made you into? Quite pathetic, really."
…
He turns to me, and somehow, I feel his expression change to one of concern, "It's alright if you don't want to know. Frankly, I wouldn't recommend it. Even creatures MUCH greater than yourself have collapsed and never recovered from seeing my visions."
"Show me."
"… What?"
"I said…" I grab him by the throat, and pull him close, breathing out smoke as I did so, "Show. Me. My. Destiny."
"… Very well, then. Prepare yourself..." He places a single finger on my forehead, and… Impossibile... Non può essere!
"During the battle of Manehattan, the one I just saved you from, Tirek steals magic from the guards you felled, and then takes out the Mane Six as you cast them aside. Afterwards, he betrays you, and you lose almost all of your wing in the process. You recover, in due time, and combat him, utilizing Mega Charizard Y in order to melt the armor you forged for him through his very flesh… And then you Sky Drop him, break his arms, Sky Drop him again, and finally, perform a barrage of Flare Blitzes. Those, coupled with the damage you sustain, is enough to almost cripple you. Afterwards, you are taken by Celestia's guard in your weakened state, and sealed in a specialized cell, free of your Mega Stones and Ring. From there, you constantly attempt to break out, and eventually, the magical defenses whittle away your mind until you're nothing but a vegetative shell. A husk. A useless lump of orange-scaled flesh."
I stare at the visions shown before me, "I… how? I PLANNED for Tirek! I KNEW he would probably betray me! His ARMOR was DESIGNED to melt through his flesh! All I had to do was use ONE Incinerate! I MADE that pile of rust MYSELF! I KNOW it was useless! I can't even forge for SHIT! The whole THING was one giant weapon that he was in! And I KNOW he's a Dark-type, so I coulda used a lot of Focus Blasts and Power-Up Punches! So… how?"
"The Admins' code demanded it. This is why I had to recover you at this here point. Here, you are still at your physical best, but not wounded by any of Tirek's attempts on your life. You're the only version of yourself that hasn't already reached this point. Honestly, WHY they would decide to throw away such an AMAZING warrior like yourself is BEYOND me… It almost brings a tear to my eye, well, if I still had tear ducts, of course..."
Useless, useless, USELESS! I roar into the air, and begin thrashing about, slamming into the walls, "USELESS! EVERYTHING I DO IS USELESS! I AM USELESS! ALL OF MY EFFORTS ARE WASTED TIME! MY ATTEMPTS TO EARN MY WAY THROUGH LIFE ARE PATHETIC! Inutile, patetico, stupido, me!" I drop to my knees, and place my head in my palms, tears flowing slowly.
"There, there… You don't have to worry anymore… The moment I pulled you here is the moment you deviated from the script… Look!"
He opens his hand again, and it shows Manehattan, just as I left it. Only, unlike the vision I saw before, Rainbow sees Tirek while searching for me. While the sight of that asshole companion of mine getting his centaur hide handed to him by a furry tomboy does feel good, it still does little to halt the sea of despair that my heart has become.
"Now, I give you a simple choice, Geo. Go back there, and try to change what you saw, or let me take you in. I will mold you into a powerful warrior. More powerful than EVER before! Your voice shall make mountains TREMBLE! Your fire shall burn brighter than STARS! You, Geo, shall become my finest creation. The last piece of the puzzle I need for the sake of accomplishing my true goal..." He turns away, and waves his hand. Several Rahkshi walk up to my side, and hold their staffs up. They're probably teleportation Rahkshi. Which means they'll send me right back where I came. Back there. I can finally have my chance! But…
"Worry not. Once this goal is accomplished, you shall get your fight. And honestly, you're better of training with me if you want it to be remotely fair… Your version of Celestia is quite powerful… Possibly one of the most POWERFUL iterations of the Lady of the Sun thus far... She has several abilities that no other possesses… Mainly because she actually bothered to train..."
"…"
"… Send him-"
"Wait!" I raise my claw. The Rahkshi back off, and walk away, knowing they won't be needed here.
"Oh? Did I finally convince you?"
"What the hell d'ya mean by 'no tear ducts anymore?" He seemed genuinely surprised by that comment.
"You are not the only one who was transformed from a man into something greater. I, too, was once human. But I acquired this mask, the Kanohi Kraahkan, or at least what I assumed to be a replica of it, online. I purchased it, back on Earth, or at least my Earth, and, feeling nostalgic for the lost BIONICLE series, placed it on myself. Next thing I know, I'm in this Equestria. I mastered my powers, but I was sealed in Tartarus, alongside my Tirek, for at least four thousand years. We're not the only ones. There are others, Displaced, we call ourselves."
"… Lemme guess, anonymous seller?"
"Indeed. Now, most of us attribute our transportation to one called 'The Merchant', a Sys Admin who seemingly sells artifacts with the intent of making us Displaced, with no known goal. With that in mind, know that my war will bring the Merchant to justice. Will you join me?"
"Lemme make ONE THING CLEAR, pal! Your whole fumo e specchi might work on others, but NOT ME! Yer gonna tell me what I need to do, but I ain't a pawn on some goddamn BOARD, ya hear? And I know when yer gonna try and make me do crap I dun wanna do! So, unless yer looking fer a dig in the snot locker, DON'T try and play any puppet bullcrap wit me!"
"… My, you certainly are stubborn… Very well, then. That is how it shall be. We shall begin training in due time. I have other preparations I must attend to. In the meantime, the Rahkshi shall escort you back home." As he walked away, he looked over his shoulder, "Welcome to the Brotherhood of Shadows, Geo."
The Rahkshi guided me to a large, open cavern, and- holy shit. Rahkshi. Are. Everywhere. One of them nudges me, and coos. He points towards a large crystalline construct, and I move. I stand in front o fit, and several Rahkshi hold up their staffs to it. The ends glow, and send beams of energy into the crystal. It begins to rotate, before sending a wave of light and energy.
Y'know, having been LAUNCHED from one universe to another is NOT a good feeling. Having it done AGAIN after about SEVEN MINUTES' REST is an even WORSE feeling. Nonetheless, I shake my head, and I look around. It seems I'm back in the castle where Tirek and I first hid out. I hear a small 'plunk' noise, and I feel something hit my head. I pick it up, and it shows itself to be a small black crystal of sorts. I look at it closely, then I suddenly hear a voice come from it.
"Hello, Geo. This is a pre-recorded message. This is here to inform you that until I have finished preparations, you will have to wait. If you find yourself too bored to wait around until then, create a beacon. One can send these through the Void, allowing others to summon you for their aid. You will find several in the room you've come into. Either respond to those or make your own. Your choice. I shall not make you do anything you don't want. Until we next meet, Flame Pokémon."
FINALLY, someone calls me by my proper title! Well, might as well look at these 'beacons'. I turn around, and see a small pile of… what the hell is this crap? Just a bunch of random junk. I sort through them, and each time, I hear a new, loud-ass voice calling out that they can 'help me in my time of need'. Whatever. Well, no harm in jumping on a bandwagon, right?
I grab a piece of leftover metal from that absolute abomination that was Tirek's armor, and begin casting a few flames on it. I mold, meld, and reshape it, until it becomes the shape of a Poké Ball. I breath a final, steady flame onto it, making it glow rather ominously. I raise it into the air, "Well, here goes nothing…"
"Hear me now, those of you who have been Displaced across the universe! Those who desire strength unparalleled, and ferocity in battle like no other, simply call out for me! I am Geo, the Flame Pokémon! For those who want to roast the heavens and scorch the earth, call upon me with this, and know VICTORY!" I clenched the ball tight, and I threw it into the air. For a moment, it hovers in air, before actually turning around, and shooting a red light at me from the 'button'. The red light comes over my body, and then leaves. The Poké Ball 'blinks', and then it disappears.
"… Well, that happened. Now, what to do until I get an answer…"
FUCK, this is more boring than I expected!
Two weeks have passed since I sent out the Poké Ball. Got nothing to do, nowhere to go… But I've undergone some... rather unique developments. First off, I've had a growth spurt. Somehow, I've begun to get larger in height. Originally, I was the standard 1.7 meters, like most Charizards. According to the Dex, at least. But now, I've gotten to a rough 1.8. Yeah, I'm a lot taller. And for some reason, my voice has dropped. Now I sound like Blackbeard from Crossbones. I've even dropped the accent my unique heritage forged or me. After meeting Teridax, I decided to give off a little more of the 'cultured warrior' image. He certainly pulled it off. After all, he obviously showed me what he did solely to manipulate me into trusting him. Show me my least fortunate moments, and then tell me he saved me from them. Classic memory-altering strategy. Only this time, it's future-altering. Nice twist, but not one I much care for. It almost worked, too. But in the end, it is still the same. He makes me think I need him to escape my 'fate', and I obey him like a dog. Damn, I just thought that all out in my new voice. I AM getting used to it.
I step out into the center of the castle, and look around for a moment. I fly up, and onto one of the overlooking balconies. I sigh, still bored out of my mind from a lack of activity. Until either Teridax finishes whatever crap he might be doing, or I get summoned, then I'm stuck here doing nothing. He sent a scroll about four days ago, and it told me to remember that time flows differently between worlds, so everyone's preparations might already be done, or haven't even gotten started. And that's not even counting any of these 'Sys Admins' interfering. I'm willing to bet my (now somewhat larger) hide that they're doing their best to crack open Teridax's defenses. I wonder what kind of Displaced I'm going to meet. Maybe I'll see another Pokémon fan. A Pikachu? Wouldn't count on it. Not even someone as fucked up as the Merchant can possibly want to send a Pikachu out into the wide, wide world. Especially since, according to that same message Teridax sent me, he likes to send us all to the multiple parodies of this world. The idea of a Pikachu standing his ground against those two royal bitches is too good to be true.
And I'm honestly concerned for myself now. I keep trying to cultivate the 'intellectual fighter' image, but I keep flinging curses around. Mostly in my head, since I've actually worked on making myself a filter between my brain and my throat. It works, though not as much as it probably should. Ah, well. I still like this new voice.
WHUNK
Suddenly, my entire form begins glowing in a white light, and a portal appears before me. I hear an indistinct voice, and garbled words, but one thing comes clear as day:
"C'mon out, Charizard!"
"If such a wording is to be used, then I've no choice but to respond, don't I?" A translation of that would be: No fucking way am I missing this golden opportunity! I turn to the portal, and burst into it, and I fell the white light break me apart into nothing but light. Into the void, I go…
That golden sound of a Poké Ball opening, and unleashing its occupant is a glorious one. Knowing that I am the occupant in question only adds to how fucking AMAZING it is. My form solidifies, and the light fades away, just like in the anime. I hunch forwards, breathing slowly, attempting to draw as much attention to myself as possible. The silence confirms this. I strengthen my breathing, before leaning up and roaring at the top of my lungs, stretching out my powerful wings.
After a moment, silence. I proudly display my fangs in a belligerent smirk, "Do I have everyone's attention now?"
So, here I am, flying through the void between worlds. Kinda dull, in my opinion. I wonder who's summoning me? I hope they're not ugly or anything…
THWUMP
Wait, what? What's going o- oh, SHI-
KRANK
"OOF!"
THUNK
"AGH!"
KRUNCH
"OGH!"
SPLURCH
"OW!"
KRICK
"GAH!"
WHUNK
"HOLY!"
WHUMP
"FUCKING!
CRASH
"SHIT!"
I groan, and stand up slowly, before turning angrily to see what I just collided with. FUCK, that's a big mountain. Wait… is that CANTERLOT? Shit, it IS! I'm in Canterlot! Celestia's gonna hang my ass when she gets a hold of me! I better get the fuck out of here before-
"Why, hello…" A suave, calm, and extremely familiar voice echoes behind me. I turn slowly, and see…
What.
The.
Fuck.
There's someone in a goddamn Guy Fawkes mask! With a black cloak and everything! Wait… is this another Displaced? Seriously? Someone wound up as V for Vendetta?
"Hmm… First, I find a PokéBall in my chambers, and then I hear it tell me I can call forth a great warrior. Then I find a Charizard who, apparently, has a fondness for rude language. Mind explaining to me who, or what you are?"
"Long story short: Multiple Equestrias. Several people got turned into various characters. Scattered across them. We like to summon each other for aid. We call ourselves Displaced. That just about covers it." V nods calmly, rubbing the chin of his mask.
"Understandable. Considering all that has happened to me, I am not surprised."
I shake my head, "So… until I find a way out of here… mind telling me your story?"
"It's exactly as it seems. I assumed the guise of V for Comic-Con 2008, and was sent to this world as a result. I know not why, but what I have come across here is more than enough for me."
"Nice… I guess… although, you COULD have gone with a better character, to be frank." I flex my wings, and take as dramatic a pose as I could, "I went along as a Charizard for the same thing, in 2018. Long story short, I wound up as the Charizard I'd been training ever since I was a kid. Now I've got badass stats, wings, AND fire!"
My friend chuckles, "Good to know that someone else has appreciation for art. Wait, did you say 2018?"
I nod, "Yep. Although, I don't know if your version of Earth is the same as mine. In mine, a black guy became president in '08, and then he was succeeded by a chick. Things got weird after that."
A sincere laugh came from behind the mask, matching the gleeful expression on it, and a gloved finger moved underneath to wipe a tear, "Oh, that is RICH! I wish I hadn't been taken away so soon!"
He shakes his head, "Well, the moment has passed. I still have work to do here. Would you care to accompany me, Charizard?"
"Please, call me Geo."
"Pleasure, Geo. Henceforth, I ask of you to refer to me as V."
Well, if Teridax could do it, then so could he, I guess. I'm not gonna complain.
"Well, this is my humble abode. I do hope you don't mind if it's a little disorganized." We had wandered into a series of tunnels inside of Canterlot Mountain, and now we were in a small cavern filled with a variety of items. Knives, swords, and various other weapons lines the walls. "Well, YOU'RE ready for armageddon."
He leans down, and sits on a makeshift throne carved from rock, "Well, I have been aware of a potential assault on this nation for a while now. I do believe it would be in my best interests to be prepared for that."
"Assault? The feck d'ya mean?" He turns towards me, and crosses his hands in his lap.
"Changelings."
"Uhm… WHAT?"
He sighs, and waves his hand at me, "Long story short? Bug-pony things that can shape-shift. They assume the forms of the general populace in order to feed on their love."
"Wait… how d'ya feed on LOVE?"
V moves his hand as if to initiate a response, but he stops for a moment, "Er… magic, I guess?"
"Hmph. Whatever. How tough are they?"
"An individual changeling? Practically cannon fodder. But their queen, Chrysalis, is a force to be reckoned with. I'm not sure of how strong she is on her own, but I am aware that she intends to drain the Captain of the Guard of his power, which, when added on to her own reserves, makes her strong enough to best Celestia."
I perk at that, "Celestia?"
V leans forwards, "You are familiar with your version of Celestia?"
"To say the least." I begin pacing around the chamber, swishing my tail back and forth idly.
V gives off the image of a frown, "That doesn't sound pleasant. Nonetheless, I feel as if you can start anew over here. You can certainly become a good friend to this iteration of her, should you choose."
I turn to him, and shoot a look of utter anger, "I don't care about making friends. All I care about is finding as good a challenge as any. So, are we gonna do anything about these changelings, or not?"
V chuckles, "Patience, Geo. The changelings are planners, masters of deceit. They take time with their operations, and so must we. I, for one, am far willing to wait. My lack of supernatural abilities like the inhabitants of this world means I must resort to stealth, and surprise. While I am aware this is not the case for you, at the very least, abide by my rules during this time. Trust me, there WILL come an opportunity to strike our foe. And when it comes…" He suddenly flings a knife across the room, and it whizzes past my head, embedding itself in the wall behind me, "They will never even know we were there."
I snarl at him, before turning away, and marching outside. Once I get outside, I stretch out my wings, and Fly into the sky.
It didn't take me long to fly towards Ponyville. As I fly overhead, I notice that the inhabitants have a rather peculiar trait about them. Something about them doesn't look right from up here. Wait, what'd Teridax say about them?
A version where the ponies are anthropomorphized versions of themselves… with clothes, to boot.
So… what're they like normally? Well, I'll find out eventually, but better sooner than late-
KRUNCH
OW!
I rapidly begin to descend, straight down to- Oh, hell no! Not that pond again! I narrowly pull up, and fly away into the nearby bushes. I hit the ground hard, and I roll. After I slow, I pick myself up, "GAH! Do ALL Displaced get knocked around as much as I do? Or am I just a special case?" I turn, and Growl, hoping that whoever attacked me would feel the technique's effect.
I hear the flapping of a small pair of wings, I turn towards the source, and I stop dead in my tracks.
"C'mon! Ya wanna piece of me, scale-brain? Maybe next time ya won't go flyin' around Ponyville!" What? No way. No. Way.
"What's the matter? Scared? Then again, I AM pretty awesome." That voice… that scratchy, arrogant voice…
"Well? Ya just gonna sit there all day? Or are ya gonna do something?" The hair…
"Uh… hello?" It… it really… holy fucking shit.
"Nessun modo in inferno... Aye, yay, yay…"
"Uh… are… you okay?"
"Sono cavalli. Perché nessuno dice che sono i cavalli?" I look around, as if I was expecting an answer.
"Uh… you okay, buddy?" She poked me in the side with her hoof. Her hoof.
"Ah… Uhm… I… Crap… I'll… just… be going, now…" I can't take this. I need to get back to V.
I stand up, and as I rise into the sky, she calls out, "Uh… Yeah, that's right! You better run, ya scaly coward!"
Ex.
Fucking.
SCUSE.
ME?
I turn around mid-flight, and come careening back down, before slamming into the ground. I grab her by the neck, and huff smoke, "You DARE call me a COWARD? I have faced creatures FAR more powerful than you could ever DREAM of, and WON! Gods of earth, sea, and sky! The masters of time, and space! The being which sits in a world locked OUTSIDE OF THE UNIVERSE! I fought all of those, AND I WON!" Yes, I did indeed have Geo go against various legendaries used by competitive players, who wasted countless hours to acquire legendaries with amazing IVs. Why do you ask?
"And you, a PATHETIC, sniveling, low-grade, mutated, arrogant buffoon, think YOU can best me?" I snarl, and bark at her as fiercely as I can. I throw her a few feet in front of me, "C'mon! I'll SHOW you what a REAL warrior is capable of!" I assume a basic boxing stance, but more using my wings as guards than my arms, of which I keep open, baring my claws. I swish my tail to and fro, trying to create a rhythm to concentrate to.
"You wanna go? Alrighty, then! Let's go!" She bursts forwards, and tries to swing her right ha- hoof, at my head. My left wing blocks, and flings her limb outwards, leaving her torso wide open.
"Scratch." A simple cut, and she's knocked back. She catches herself, and floats in the air.
"Grrr…" She flies back at me, and instead tries to do a simple flying kick. "Pathetic." I side-step, and grab her by the throat, "Imma plant me a dumbass tree! Rock Smash!" I lift her up, and body slam her hard into the ground, creating a small impact crater. I pry her out of it, and throw her aside, "You can't do anything. You talk and talk of how great you are, but that's all it is. Words. Maybe when you learn what REAL martial arts are, you'll be some fun. And one more thing..." I look over my shoulder, "Friendship can't solve all your problems. Learn to solve it with your own power." With that, I fly off, heading in the direction of Canterlot again.
As I fly into the V-Cave, I hear him nod his head in shame, "You really shouldn't have done that, Geo. That kind of ruckus isn't going to give us a good image."
I huff, "Who cares? I was just minding my own business, and she hit me. She deserved it."
"Hmph. Maybe she did. Maybe she didn't. But that's not your call, Geo." He picks up one of the knives on the rack, and begins sharpening it.
"Whatever." I stomp off, into the catacombs, wanting to explore.
Okay, as nice as it is to get away from Captain Conscience, maybe I should've asked for a map. Suddenly, my ears pick up a slight sound around a corner. I stoop low, and slowly crawl forwards. I peek my head around the corner as carefully as can be, and see a pink winged unicorn, whatever they're called, and she's begin held down by… a giant cockroach pony with swiss cheese legs? Are these changelings? Kinda ugly looking…
"Oh, calm down, Princess. You're doing an entire species a grand favor, letting us attend your wedding, like this!"
What do I do? Uhm… do I go in for the kill? End it now? Merda…
"Don't do anything yet, Geo…" I feel V's glove on my shoulder, and he stares at the overgrown moth, "Watch. Observe."
"Well, if you'll excuse me, dear, I do have wedding arrangements to make… Ta-ta!" That being said, the creature suddenly erupted in green flame, before suddenly… The FUCK? She just stole that princess's look?
"You must learn to understand your foe if you wish to battle them. Changelings can imitate others' appearances. Engaging them will be difficult. That's why I have learned to be patient. After spending enough time here, I have learned that observation, evaluation, and estimation are key to defeating an enemy. If you don't gauge your foe's powers properly, then they'll have the upper hand. Or, in this case, hoof. Now, we have our own arrangements to attend to." That being said, he jumped forwards, towards the beaten princess, "Salutations, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza." Oh, they didn't.
"You know not who I am, but I know you. And the fact that you've clearly been taken here against your will. Would you care for some assistance?" He reaches a gloved hand towards her, and she slowly takes it, getting lifted off the floor.
"We've gotta stop her! She's the changeling queen, and she'll-" He puts a finger to her mouth, "Shh. As easy as it would be to do that, it would cause more problems than solutions. If we reveal her now, her hive will go into hiding. As much as it pains me to say this, we must wait for our foe to get to a point where she believes she cannot be beaten, to strike her down. In this case, it will be in the final phases of her plan."
The princess is clearly shocked, "What? But that'll mean her hive will be on top of Canterlot! They'll just-"
"Be within striking range." I take the opportunity to step out, slowly, and I shake my tail back and forth, while breathing smoke from my nose. The various crystals lining the walls reflect the orange light of my tail, instantly altering the mood.
"Draw them in, like moths to a flame." I drag my claw along the gemstones, before grabbing one of them, "And then… they get burned." I use Rock Smash, instantly breaking it. I cast my gaze towards the two, "Now then, it's time for us to prepare for battle."
The princess looks between us nervously, "W-who are you?"
V looks at her, "We are the ones you need the most. We work in the dark, to serve the light. We do the dark deeds that others cannot bring themselves to. We… are Anonymous."
… I fucking hate this guy.
Several days have passed by, and all is going according to plan. V has set up several criminal organizations within Canterlot to prepare a massive raid on the guards' armory, under the illusion that this is for a major heist. In reality, this is to arm the guardsmen he'll be freeing. V claims that this will also reveal the presence of said organizations to the public, and allowing the guard to arrest them henceforth, killing two birds with one stone.
I, in the meantime, tried to not be idle. I scoured the caverns, looking for places V plans to evacuate civilians to. In the process of this, I also found two TMs. Will-O-Wisp and Protect. But still nowhere near closer to getting Mega Evolution. Ah, well.
But the weirdest part of the whole thing was V. More often than not, I noticed him looking ominously in the distance, as Mi Amore Cadenza, or 'Cadence', as she liked to be called, were walking around. I learned to understand his gaze, and noticed he stared at her a lot. Specifically, her ass. Now, I'm not gonna call him out on that, since he apparently has blue balled long enough to go after something like that. Of course, considering how he confessed to staying here for over a year with barely any residents knowing of his simple existence, and those who did know he was here only knew of him through letters and notes he would leave behind with instructions, directions, payment, and other things. In short, no contact with anyone. That had to get to a man, even if he was V.
As the final day before the wedding dawned, and their version of the 'Mane 6', as V called them, arrived, I noticed Cadence being very antsy. "What's wrong, lassie? Nervous?" She turns to me, "You could say that… It's just… we've been letting Chrysalis get close to Shiny. We have no choice but to do it, too…" "Okay, the whole naming thing? It's fucking terrible. I can't even… SHINING ARMOR? SERIOUSLY? Who names their CHILD 'Shining Armor!?"
Cadence leaps back upon hearing my outburst, and then sits low, "What's your problem?"
I turn back to her, and breathe slowly, "Sorry… guess I'm a little anxious, too… It's just… something to fight, right in front of me, and I can't fight it."
Cadence raises an eyebrow, "Why does the idea of fighting seem so entertaining to you? How does inflicting harm on others come as a good thing?"
I turn away, "Because it's the most enjoyable experience I know. The blood pumps through my veins, adrenaline flows, my senses go into overdrive. And that's when we just get started… when I actually start trading blows, the sheer rush I feel… unsurpassable. I feel my very soul, clashing with another. I see into who they are. It's a feeling that can't be surpassed with any normal kind of action. That's why it's so addicting…"
V walks in, "Not to interrupt your little 'warrior philosophy' session, but the wedding recital is coming on now. If my calculations are correct, Twilight may try to claim that Chrysalis is 'evil'. From there, nobody would believe her rather lofty, albeit correct, claims. Twilight will be sent down here, to rot. That's when we move."
"Got it. Y'know, if it weren't for the fact that everyone here is an absolute moron, I would've sympathized with them for not knowing…" I ignore the glare Cadence shoots me, "How long we got?"
"About ten minutes before she's sent down here. From there, we have approximately another hour before the wedding itself begins."
"That's plenty of time! Why we gotta worry?"
V turns to us, "Because we're stuck here in old catacombs that stretch for miles in every direction. Unless you actually know this place, you're bound to get lost."
"I can use my Dig move and get us out of here." I pull up a weak grin, and shake my claws.
"Well… that actually simplifies everything… Literally, everything. This grants us time to gain an audience with Celestia, and inform her of what's really going to go down… And that means we can begin civilian evacuations… I could have them come here to the mines… Then the enemy will be descending on an empty city…" I grin, and slam my foot, "And I can go buck wild! Incredibile!"
V chuckles, "Well, that indeed makes my part of the mission somewhat easier… Very well. Wait, the recital's beginning… Be prepared for anything…" All of us turn, and sit quietly, looking towards the weak magical link Cadence set up to analyze the surface, displayed on the crystals as a makeshift television.
"She's EVIL!"
I place my face in my claws, "Oh, my God…"
"Evil! Evil! Evil!"
"Is she seriously…" I look up for a brief instant, before resuming my position, "Oh, dear lord…"
Don't show up to the wedding at all."
"Well, after that performance, I would say just about the same thing…" I purposefully ignore Cadence's glare, and watch as Chrysalis uses magic to send the girl down here. As she arrives, V and I quickly hide away, and Cadence sits behind a gemstone. We watch as Twilight blasts the various gems around, and I stand up, as Twilight gets closer to hitting Cadence's crystal. We stare in curiosity as Cadence tries to wrestle off Twilight, and performs the childish song and dance they love.
"… And do a little shake… it is you!"
"And I'm me. Your point?" I step out from the shadows, and stretch my wings. I look at her, "Don't ask questions. Right now, we're gonna get you to the surface. And then we're gonna go straight to Celestia, and tell her to evacuate the city. Then, we get that impostor where she stands."
Twilight looks around, "… Right…"
V turns, "Geo, I do believe you should use your Dig technique right…" He reaches along the wall, and then taps a single spot, "Here. Continue for about forty meters straight forwards, then make an upwards turn, and go straight. If I remember everything right, we should end up in Celestia's personal chambers within twenty minutes."
I crick my neck, "Alright, here goes nothing… Dig!" I burrow through the earth rapidly, carving a pathway large enough for the three to follow. As I dig, I hear Cadence behind me singing about how she has to get to her husband.
Oh, Shining Armor, I'll be there very soooooooo-
"NO!" I turn around, and give her a glare, "If yer goin' ta sing, don't sing abou' da possibility a' losin'! Look, ya wanna hear a song? I'll sing ya a song! And one that's less pessimistic than yers! It's about a man who's… doing something very similar to what I'm doing, now that I think about it… Okay, follow my lead…" If there's one thing that I will hold onto, it's Disney's American Legends.
I begin slamming into the rock rhythmically, like a clock. Klang, Klang, Klang, like a railroad worker's hammer. Considering what I'm about to sing, this is even more fitting. Cadence and Twilight look to each other, then to V, but he just shrugs. After a few moments, the two pick up the rhythm. If my understanding of these creatures is right, from what V has told me, they tend to pick up on song cues quickly. Cadence breathes in, and sings.
Well, come on John You're the one that we're depending on Swing that hammer with all your might I know you can show 'em How to do it right
Klang, Klang, Klang
As I kept on slamming into the rock, I give off sharp, strong breaths, in rhythm, creating the 'huh, hah' from the chorus.
Huh, huh.... John Henry, John Henry John Henry is a mighty man Born with a hammer A ten pound hammer A twenty pound hammer Right in his hand
V picks up quickly! And he's got a damn good singing voice, too!
I heard John's mama liked to sew at night So he pulled down the moon for a little bit of light
Klang, Klang, Klang
I keep burrowing into the earth, and then V calls, "Now!" I pull straight up, and begin hacking away at the ceiling. I place my legs against the sides of the tunnel, and slide them up to any crevices that appear as I travel. Meanwhile, the three behind me keep singing, and frankly, they're pretty damn good.
Took a lot of cooking to keep John fed 10 dozen eggs and 8 loaves of bread
John Henry, John Henry John Henry is a mighty man Born with a hammer Born with a hammer Born with a hammer right in his hand
As we rapidly ascend, I hear multiple voices. As we continuously plow to the surface, I hear the distinct shout of Rainbow, wondering why everything's shaking, and why she can hear singing. I can't even try to contain my grin as I keep working faster.
He plowed the earth So wide and deep The seed he sowed The ground had to keep His hammer hit the earth with such a mighty blow Everything he planted Would jump up and grow
John Henry, John Henry John Henry is a powerful man All our lives we've been so poor John, let me show you what we're working for
I feel my claw reach into open air, and I burst straight out, spinning around to knock off dirt and rock. As I spin, I slow and turn to Celestia.
Canaan land, Canaan land Everybody working For the Canaan land Home and freedom hand in hand Workin' for the Canaan land Oh, movin' on down the line John Henry came right on time Now we're movin' on down the line John Henry came right on time Home and freedom hand in hand Workin' for the Canaan land
I look down as Twilight and Cadence climb out nervously, and V follows, still singing.
John Henry, John Henry John Henry is a mighty man John Henry, John Henry John Henry is a powerful man Steel drivin' man John Henry was A steel drivin' man Oh, yes, he was So proud defiant A gentle giant A steel drivin' natural man
"Hey, V." He doesn't hear me. "Hey! We're done." I hit him on the head, and he stops.
"My apologies. I got… carried away." No shit,coglione.
"Twilight? Cadence? What are you doing here? And who are they?"
Cadence jumps forwards, "Auntie, you have to listen to me! There's an impostor on the loose! I've been locked up in the tunnels below for a week while she took my place!"
Twilight leans in as well, "Yes! She's gonna launch an invasion while everypony's preoccupied with the wedding!"
V steps forwards, and places his hand upon the pommel of his rapier, "It's Chrysalis. She and her changeling hive are using this wedding to overtake Canterlot. So far, she's directly drained Shining Armor of a very, very good portion of his magic. The barrier will fall around the apex of the wedding. I implore you, Your Highness, evacuate the citizens. I know the tunnels below unlike anyone or anything else around. I've made them my personal fortress. Your citizens shall be safe there. Meanwhile, the Guard can deal with the changelings."
Celestia looks around, "I'm… not sure what to think of all of this… but if it means the protection of my subjects, I shall do whatever's necessary. But, before I do anything brash, who are you two?"
V bows, "To save time for everyone involved, my name is V. My companion here is named Geo. Now, I highly recommend evacuating now."
Celestia bears a scowl, "Alright. I'll have the guard arrest Chrysalis before anything drastic happens."
V objects, "No! If the barrier doesn't go down, the hive will retreat, and they'll be able to bide their time. It doesn't matter if you capture their queen, they'll get a new one! And besides, she's already drained enough of Shining Armor's energy to basically make herself on par with yourself, Celestia, if not greater. Have the 'wedding' commence, and keep the evacuation to a down low. Once the event actually starts, and the hive come in, we'll be ready, with spears pointed in the proper direction." Upon noticing Celestia's look of skepticism, he tilts his hat, "Don't worry, I'll make sure that the civilians are kept safe. You just focus on making sure that Chrysalis is kept unawares of the plot."
Celestia frowns, "… Fine. The wedding shall go as planned."
As V and I sit upon the rafters, we watch as Chrysalis moves towards the alter. "Can I do it? Please? Pretty please?"
"No. Stay back. Wait, for now. I don't want us to play all of our cards just yet." V looks down, and watches as they begin to exchange vows.
"If any would object to the… union of these two…" Damn, she's barely holding in the anger, "Speak now or forever hold your peace."
V takes the opportunity to descend, and land right in the aisle. For a moment, silence. Then, Celestia deadpans, "… I do believe he objects."
Chrysalis jumps back, "Why's this happening? On MY special day?" She quickly begins the fake tears routine. It's not very effective.
"It's not your special day…" I toss a look over my shoulder, and see Twilight and Cadence walk forwards, "It's mine."
Chrysalis leaps back, "How did you get pass my bridesmaids?"
The four of us look to each other, "Bridesmaids? I don't remember anything like that."
V chuckles, "We dug past them! We never even encountered them in the first place! HAH! This day just gets better and better."
Cadence points a hoof, "She's a changeling! They impersonate others to feed on their love!"
I mutter to myself, "Still doesn't make any kind of sense…"
Chrysalis laughs, "HAHAHAHA! Then so be it!" She bursts into green flames, and the disguise burns off.
V chuckles, "I did not recall you being so traumatically hideous, Chrysalis."
Chrysalis chuckles, "Comment all you want, beast, but my hive have already descended on Canterlot! We have already won!" The barrier dissolves outside, and I see a swarm of black come down, kind of like that scene from The Prince of Egypt, with the plagues.
Celestia steps forwards, "I think not. See, when these four came to me, they told everything. We've already evacuated everypony in Canterlot. The guard is ready for your hive. now, the only thing left is to deal with YOU!" Celestia leaps into the air, and fires a bolt of magic. Chrysalis counters with another, creating a Dragon Ball Z beam struggle.
"Princess, no! She's too powerful!" V reaches forwards, trying to signal her. But it's already too late. Chrysalis' beam is rapidly overpowering Celestia's. She's knocked to the ground, her horn singed, and her crown tossed aside. The other ponies in the room begin to panic. Twilight and her friends gather around Celestia, and try to help her. Celestia barely sputter, "Get… the Elements…"
"Hahahahahaha! I guess Shining Armor's love is more powerful than I could've predicted! Now I shall conquer all of Equestria with EASE!"
… Oh, boy.
After a while, I see the six Element Bearers, and Cadence, tied up and thrown in front of Chrysalis. V is absent from the group. "Where's the tall one?"
Twilight calls back, "Making sure you can't hurt anypony! By now he's probably already gotten the citizens of Canterlot far away from here!"
Chrysalis scoffs, "Hah! It matters now. I shall get them in due time. For now, I do believe it's time for me to be properly crowned as ruler of Equestria!" Wait, what? She's gonna put a- wait a minute… Oh, I have an idea… This is too good...
A changeling drone picks up Celestia's crown, and hovers over to the queen, lowering it onto her head. "Bwahahahahaha! Now, as the ruler of Equestria, my first order of business is-" I plop down, and shake the entire room. Chrysalis staggers back, "Who dares interrupt my coronation?"
This is it… "Coronation, eh, Chrysalis? This is bad comedy."
"A dragon? What are you doing here?"
"Here a hint!" I pull my head back, and unleash a Fire Blast, completely annihilating her. As she screams, the flame churns, before exploding in a five-point star shape. I walk forwards, and crush the crown underneath my heel. I look around to the various changelings in the room, "Would anyone else attempt to fill her shoes?" Sure enough, the changeling drones begin to dash away. While V does have some sound logic to taking them all down, I feel like I need to get this out. I step out to the window, "Hear me, changelings! I have defeated your queen! Chrysalis is no more! Now, when you return to whatever black pit you came from, and any other dark creature asks about why you failed, tell them this! Tell them, that Canterlot is protected! Tell them that Equestria has guardians! Tell them that if they wish to see the dawn of the next day they will stay away from these borders! Tell them that I, Geo, stand at the ready! Tell them that I! Am! Here!" I breathe a large wave of fire out, completely filling the sky. As the sparks fade, I see the drones buzz off, pun unavoidable, as fast as can be.
I turn around, and walk towards the six, and tear apart their bindings. "V's probably still in the caverns with the rest of them. It would make sense they'd hide in there. They can't be seen if they escaped, and they know how to move through the place. I'll go get them. You all try to free the guard, and hunt down any strays." I quickly turn and fly towards the entrance I made in Celestia's chambers.
"Hello? V? Where are you? Yo! The battle's over! I won! Chrysalis is toast! C'mon!" As I stomp through the caverns, I continue to find nothing. Apparently, they're hiding better than I thought. Suddenly, a strange smell fills my nose, and I follow it. It's odd, and rather repulsive. Probably vomit. One of them must've popped from all the pressure. Ah, well. Probably some stuffed-shirt who had it coming. But why does it smell like squid? I start to round a corner. Pretty sure they don't eat th- Oh, Dio misericordioso… All this sborra... What kind of sick perverted thing could've done this? Wait… is that… a filly? There's another… and… THREE FILLIES? Who could've done this to three fillies?
"Oh…" One of them shifts, and I cringe as I watch this… filth leak from under her dress. I step closer, "Hello? Hey, what happened? Who did this to you?" I grab the filly, and I shake her, "C'mon! Say something! Please! You- wait a minute…" I slowly reach forwards, and wipe the gunk from her face. It's Sweetie. Rarity's sister. The one I burned. No, I can't think of that right now, "C'mon. Who did this to you? Say something! Please?" I notice her lips slowly trying to form a word, "Yes? Yes? C'mon, I won't hurt you! Tell me, please!" I lean in closer, hoping to get even a hint of the identity of this disgusting pervert.
"M… mask…"
No. No, no, no, no. "Are you sure? He had on a mask?"
She nods, slowly, "Please, don't let him hurt me again…"
I slowly pat her forehead, "Don't worry, little Sweetie…" I get up, grab her and her friends, and walk away, "I'll make sure of it."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I slam through walls, until I finally see V, in the middle of a crowd of cheering celebrators.
"Oh, hello, Geo. You're not here to crash the party, are you?" I start marching closer to him, flexing my claws
"No. I'm here…" I grab him by the face, and toss him aside using Strength, "To BREAK YOU!" He hits the DJ system, and as he slowly gets up, I unleash the most powerful roar possible.
"Geo! Why are you doing this?" Several guards step between me and him, with Celestia glaring at me.
"You wanna know why? THERE'S why!" I point towards the wall I broke down, and the three fillies I left beside it. "I found them in the catacombs. Sweetie told me HE did it!" I point my claw at V, and unleash a violent reptilian hiss.
I charge forwards past the guards, who I knock aside like bowling pins. I grab V, and fly through several more walls, before finally hitting the mountain bed itself. I Fly straight into the air, carrying him with me. As I do so, I use my free claw, and rapidly Power-Up Punch him, letting my strength grow more and more. I accentuate each strike with a curse upon him, "YOU! TRICKED! US! YOU! USED! US! TO! HURT! THREE! CHILDREN! YOU! SICK! BASTARD! I! WILL! KILL YOU!" As we reach the uppermost limits of the atmosphere, I stop, and slowly angle us both downwards.
V can barely speak above a whisper, "Please… don't…"
I crane my neck to the side of his head, and speak into his ear, "Is that what they said? Right before you hurt them?"
I pull my head back, and watch as the eyes underneath his mask stretch in horror. "Sky Drop." I let go of him, and as he falls, the burning sensation in my heart grows even greater.
"But IT'S NOT OVER THERE!" I zoom downwards, until I'm on level with him. I stretch my claw, and it becomes covered in a dark purple flame-like material, Ghost-type energy. "Shadow Claw!" I slash open his stomach, and as I pass him, I open my other claw, "Dragon Claw!" I go at him again, and this time after I pass him, I let my entire body burst into flames, "Flare Blitz!" I slam into him, ignoring the damage to myself. Right now, this cazzo needs to go DOWN!
I pull back my claw, and clench it into a fist, "Mega Punch!" I slam my fist into his face, completely shattering his mask. As he recoils, I swoop down and go straight to the ground where I know he'll land. I slam feet first into the dirt, and turn 180 degrees, pulling back my fist, which then bursts into flames. I watch closely as he comes closer and closer, "Bruciare all'inferno, figlio di una cagna! Flame Punch!" I hit him, dead in the face. The fire quickly spreads through his entire form, and he slides past me, as nothing but ashes.
I stare at the ground for a few moments, before feeling all the pressure in my knees give out. I lean forwards, and let my head fall into my claws, "Why? Why, why, why? I finally made a friend… Why did he turn on me? Why? Why does everyone I meet keep giving me reasons to hate them? I wanna go home… I'm tired of this… Mama, papa… Please, help me…"
"Are you sure you won't stay?" I stare at the ponies who have gathered for my farewell.
"I'm… positive… After what happened… I can't stay here… Just too easy to think about it…" I turn around, and run my claws over my PokéBall. I press my forehead against it, breathing slowly. "Besides… there are others out there… who need my help. I can't just sit by and do nothing…" I slide my claw over the button, and push it down. The ball grows larger, and I hurl it into the air. It stops mid-air, and turns around, firing a red laser at me. I relax, and feel myself be absorbed into it.
As I drift through the void, I begin to ponder. Why is it that the Merchant chose me? Or, any of the Displaced, for that matter. How many of us are there? Are we supposed to be an army or something? Or is it all for his amusement? Or maybe he's doing it for the sake of an experiment? Maybe it's to prove a point to someone? Maybe he's doing it for his own sake…
Maybe I shouldn't be worrying about this kind of stuff. That's also a good idea. Keep what's left of my shattered mentality together. That's a brilliant long-term survival strategy.
"If anyone can hear us, we could really use some help right now!" A high-pitched, feminine voice breaks the monotonous silence of the void.
Oh, look! Something to take my mind off the issue at hand! I'm coming, lassie! The dark space around me is filled with a bright light, and I fly straight into it.
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!" I come flying down, and I see a large area, stained with battle scars and flames. All around, I see odd… things… It looks like they're a bunch of stop-motion paper cut-outs of… anthropomorphic batteries?
I hear one of the creatures emitting a strange, eerie chant. It suddenly leaps forwards, and begins sparking. I simply Dragon Tail the damn thing into oblivion. As I walk past its fading remains, I mutter, "Thanks for the warning…"
I turn, and see more gathering still. "Where are you abomini coming from? No matter… I'll make short work of all of you! Flamethrower!" The wave of heat consumes the crowd. After letting the flame clear up, I observe the survivors, lean low, and stretch my claws, "Looks like I'm getting sloppy… to have missed that many, I guess I need more training. No time like the present, right? Aerial Ace!" I jump forwards, fast enough to create a minor shockwave from the point where I ran from. Damn, that's awesome. As I close in on one of them, I notice a sudden blur of red, and he's gone, "Huh?" I try to come to a halt, and see where the bugger went. Unfortunately, I begin to remember my college physics lessons. Specifically, Newton's First Law of Motion. "Oh, bugger."
"GAH!"
WHUNK
"Not!"
THUNK
"This!"
CRASH
"SHIT!"
WHACK
"AGAIN!"
SLAM
"Okay, does the universe have it out for me, or something?" I rub the back of my neck, trying to stand up. Behind me, I hear another one of the anthropomorphic batteries, and as I turn to face it, I see it be knocked away in a blur of red. "Okay, C'MON! THAT WAS MY KILL!"
"Ya sure 'bout that? Cause last I remember, it's all free game, here…" I hear a young, feminine voice from behind me, and as I turn, I see… holy feckin shiteburgers.
It's the Puella Magi crew…
"Hello." Madoka gives a somewhat strained wave, while the others more stare in outright confusion. "Who're you?"
"Uh… I'm Geo." I stretch my claw out, and wave back.
I hear the chomp of an apple, and see Sakura glaring, "Oi, I'm not in the mood to drag this crap out. If yer gonna do something, then quit gawking…" She picks up her spear, spins it, and points it at me, "Then get up and do it."
"Bitch, say what?" I begin trotting over until I'm in front of them, "So… mind telling me what the hell's going on? And who you donne might be?"
The five generally stare at me, "You ever heard of Puella Magi Madoka Magica?"
"Yes, I did. I get who you are. Homura, Sayaka, Sakura, Mami, and Madoka. I also know that you five are all probably cosplayers who bought something from a weird looking guy selling something at a convention, and somehow y'all wound up here." I take in the priceless looks on their faces.
"How'd you know that?" Homura looks genuinely astonished. Considering how little that was shown in the anime, I honestly notice that more than the others.
"Same here, deficiente." I look around, noting the strange smells and sights the area presents.
"You, too?"
"Yeah. We're not the only ones. Turns out that guy's been causing a whole lot of people across various universes to have the same fate. I know there's a Freddy Krueger out there somewhere, a Nemesis from Resident Evil, a strange-ass shadow demon you need a mirror to summon for some strange fucking reason. We call ourselves the Displaced, and we owe our status to a multi-universal mechanic called the Merchant. Seeing you ragazze coming here as the Puella Magi doesn't surprise me any at this point. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if someone came as Indiana fucking Jones."
"Really? We're not alone? Thank GOD. So, where'd you come from?"
"I wound up in another version of Equestria. But there, ponies are weird. It's a furry's heaven. Feckin' ridiculous, if you ask me."
"Seriously? That's freaky. How far along are you?"
I stop, "Whaddya mean, 'how far along'?"
Sakura chews, "I mean, in the story? Season one? Two? Three?"
"… I genuinely have no idea what you're talking about." Y'know that moment when you feel like everyone else was informed of something and you were left out? I'm having one of those moments.
"… Uh, does the name Hasbro ring any bells?"
"Oh, ya mean the Transformers guys? Fuck yeah, I know 'em! But honestly, Bay could've done better with those movies."
"OK, and does My Little Pony ring any bells?"
"My Little Pony? The feck's that?"
"… What year did you leave Earth?"
"2018. Of course, I'm probably from a different Earth than you lot, so I could've left 40 years before any of you were born in your universe, and time just flowed differently."
"Uh… hate ta break it to ya…" She takes a bite, and nervously swallows, "But… My Little Pony is a girl's toy line… That was started back in the 80's."
"No. You can't possibly be saying…" Non c'è modo in inferno è questo accada.
"My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It was quite the hit… even among people… outside its intended audience."
You mean, all this time, when I was thinking that this was all just another world, like something you'd come across like on Star Trek… I was on a LITTLE GIRL'S TV SHOW?
As Auric Fulcrum was counting inventory, he heard a sound drifting over his ears. "Huh? What's that? Measured? Are you screwing with me? Hello? Wait… Teridax?"
As Teridax toyed with various strings of universal coding, his well-tuned ears picked up a sound, "Hm? Is that… Geo? Oh, my… it seems like he's finally found out… my son's report should prove to be interesting, no doubt."
While Gilgamesh meditated, tuning himself to the sounds of nature itself, something interrupted him, through the Rift. "A sound… the sound of pure, unadulterated rage… I dread to be whoever has drawn up such an unparalleled well of hatred. I hope that such anger is justified, at the least."
Meanwhile, in- Y'know what? I'm done. No more of this sh*t.
"Uh…" Kat rubbed her forehead, feeling several bruises sitting in her cell, "What… is that noise?"
And now, back to the story.
"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" I try to catch my breath, while the five stare, somewhat unimpressed.
"Ya done?" Sakura deadpans, chomping her apple.
"Yeah… I'm done." I notice that the air around us distorting, like heat waves over concrete.
"Good. Because the labyrinth is appearing." The five of them generate a flash of light, and return to their normal forms. "The crowd we dealt with before you got here wore us out. We'll need time to recharge. Can you hold your own for us?"
I turn, and steel my gaze, "You have no feckin' idea." I jump into the air, and zoom straight into the warped space. "HAVE AT 'EM, LADS!"
"This is a Witch's Labyrinth. Whaddya think?" The entire place is twisted beyond all design. The architecture resembles those paintings of multiple staircases that are upside down, sideways, and every other which way.
"Wow… y'know, from what I saw on the show, it was almost bearable. But now… I can see why Witches go under 'eldritch abomination' on TVTropes."
"Guys, as nice as it is for us to start having bonding time and whatnot… we have a problem." I turn, and notice the large amount of walking batteries staring us down. "Huh, when did all those get there?"
"Doesn't matter. Ready to kick some ass?" I turn, and see the five of them reaching for their Soul Gems, "Hell yeah! Let's- GWAGH!" The five of them are all hit by bursts of electricity from the familiars. I notice one coming at me, "I got 'em! Dig!" I leap into the ground, and burrow until I'm sure I'm underneath them.
"Overheat!" The stream of flame bursts through the twisted ground, and hits a large crowd of them into the air, where they dissolve into cinders. I jump into the air, and look around, "Who else wants some?" I see a swarm of them leap at me, and I grin, "Aerial Ace!" I flash past them, and they all tear into pieces. As I turn, I see a larger one, with a charge of electricity in its… hand… thing. As I'm about to leap into the air, it zaps me with extreme precision. Crap, I'm weak to Electric-type attacks.
Suddenly, a barrage of musket fire from the side tears him open, with Mami grinning. "Can't make a bad first impression in front of our fellow Displaced, can we?" As I pick myself up, I notice the others donning their Puella Magi outfits, and blasting away the familiars.
Mami waves her hand, and a large set of muskets appear. She begins flipping in place, blasting the batteries that run at her. I gaze in amazement at the sheer speed each of the five boast. Sakura spins around her segmented spear flawlessly, like she were the real thing. "Hah! Is that all ya got? C'mon!" She whips around, and I barely duck my head, "Hey! I'm standing right here!"
"Then quit sitting around and do something!" I huff, and leap into the air. "Fly!"
I descend onto a single one, and grab it, "Strength!" I raise him up, and throw him into others, in true Warner Brothers bowling ball style. As the victims are propelled into the air, Madoka draws back a magic arrow, and when she lets loose, an entire barrage of arrows hit the airborne crowd of familiars.
"Nice work, lassie!" I give her a 'thumbs-up', and then I proceed to jab my thumb-claw into another battery. As it sparks, I pull my talon out, and Mega Kick him into the path of Sayaka, who conjures a saber that he lands on. She proceeds to summon another few, which she runs about with and stabs a single target with each.
"Ha-ha! These familiars are weak! But there's a lot of them! Must be a pretty tough Witch to make all of these!" Sakura dances through their ranks, slices and ripping the masses of battery familiars apart.
Suddenly, a thought appears in my mind, "Hey… don't Witches come from Puella Magi? So where'd this Witch come from?" I absent-mindedly smack a familiar away in a single blow.
"… We really don't know. All I know is that they started popping up on their own a little after we appeared." Sayaka stabs a battery through the arm, and tosses it aside.
A musket sounds off behind me, hitting a battery right on the head, "But they have to come from somewhere."
"We'll figure that out in due time. For now, we must slay the Witch. Before anypony gets hurt." Homura fires off her shotgun, and destroys the small cluster of monsters in front of her.
I chuckle at that, "Already adapted to the local vocabulary, eh? That's honestly kinda cute."
"Well, we've been here almost a year." Sakura lands next to me, and her spear telescopes to its natural size.
"… Time sure flies when you're having fun, eh?" I snort a spark of flame, and they all chuckle, to a degree.
"Right. C'mon, the Witch is… that way!" They all begin running, and I follow quickly, "Hey! Uh… Which way, exactly?"
"The Witch must be past this door." We're standing before a large, fortified gate, filled with various German designs and scribbles. Considering the general theme of Madoka Magica this isn't a surprise…
"C'mon. Let's do this..." Madoka slowly pushes the door open, and as it creaks, I witness what could only be described as utter madness. A large stone chamber, filled with wires and gears and other steampunk-like machinery. It was gears that built on gears. Plates of metal that expanded over themselves. Wires that coiled in perfect circles, yet ran parallel to themselves.
"Santa merda… This is a Witch? Maybe I should've stuck to the anime…"
"Enough moping. Let's do this!" Sayaka and Sakura leap forwards first, quickly striking the Witch. The gears and wires groan in response, and begin to shoot out at them.
"Alright, thumbs up, let's do this! LEEROOOOOOOY JEEEEEEEEENKIIIIIIINNNNSSSSS!" I fly out into the fray myself, dodging the gears and quickly replying with a swift Fire Blast. The Witch's gears shudder from the heat, but stay strong. "Damn, this one's quite resilient. Probably gonna be the most fun I've had in a long time! HAVE AT IT, THEN!" I unleash a Flamethrower, watching as the gears turn red, and begin to melt. It roars in response, and wires begin to launch out. They coil around me, and I feel a large electrical burst go straight through me. "GRAAAAAAGH!"
"Gotcha now!" A barrage of musket fire hits the base of the wires, and they release me. Mami summons another horde of muskets, and proceeds to lay the smack down on the machine.
"No more games." Homura waves her hand, and summons… FUCK! THAT'S A GODDAMN GATLING GUN! She proceeds to unleash lead-based hell onto the Witch, which merely groans in response. Sayaka summons hundreds of sabers, which she throws with ludicrous precision at specific joints on the mechanical beast.
"Okay… Now it's MY turn to show what I'm made of! Inferno!" The wave of flame I project absolutely tears into the Witch's defenses. It screams and recoils as we continue to display our raw power. As Madoka fires off a volley of arrows, she stops, and then jumps onto my back, "I've got an idea! Trust me on this one!"
"I get it, I get it! Okay, ready?" "READY!"
"Fire Blast! Fire Blast! FIRE BLAST!" The waves of flame and magical arrows tear off whole chunks of the eldritch machinery. As it falls apart, I see a single set of wires, pistons, and parts in the center, tightly clustered together. "There! The core! Giga…" I fly forwards so fast, Madoka falls right off of me. Around my entire body, a golden aura flares around me, and I feel all of my muscles, barring my wings and tail, tighten and solidify. "IMPACT!" I slam into the core with all of my might, and then feel myself fly back from the force. As I tumble, I notice the metal parts falling off. I catch myself, and stare as the Witch shatters. All that's left is… a person? Oh, shit.
Now we're back at a small cove in the 'Whitetail Woods', which I do not recall seeing on any map of my Equestria. Of course, I also can't read my Equestrian, mainly because it's made of horseshoes, hay, sticks, corn, and other random bullcrap. We placed the man we found on a small table, and Mami's putting on a kettle of tea. I finally decide to speak since we finished off the Witch.
"Is… is that another human? What's this guy doing here?" I notice that the man wears plentiful dull yellow. He has brown hair, and a lot of horseshoe-themed items upon his clothing. He appears to make them for a living… I dunno.
"No… that's this world's version of a pony. They call themselves 'Equines'." I turn, and give them a raise of the eyebrow, "So… are they ponies?" The five try to direct their gaze to anywhere but me.
"Uh… ever heard of gijinka? Or humanization?" That sounds familiar. "Ah. I see. but… it's kinda weird to know that they are 'ponies', and they still look like… this." I motion to the clearly human form in front of me.
"This is what they call a 'Hyur', their version of the common earth pony. And yes, we get it, it sounds like a Final Fantasy reference." Sakura takes a large bite from a cookie.
"… WOW. Out of ALL the ones I played, they just HAD to make reference to the ONLY ONE I can coherently remember." Damn, I'm starting to feel old now.
"Their version of pegasi are called 'Seraphs' and their unicorns are 'Arcanus'." Sakura gives an unfeeling stare in my direction with that last statement, "Got that?"
"Uh… yeah! Yeah, I got it!" Wonder what her problem is...
"Good."
A high-pitched whistling immediately follows Sakura's statement. Mami jumps to her feet, "Tea's ready!"
"Hmm… not bad. Now, before I go out there and do something else that's incredibly stupid, should I be aware of any other species that have been altered by this… unique version of Equestria?"
"Well… griffons have similar changes to this, except they have eagle feet and large, slightly padded hands. And wings."
I spit out my tea, "There are griffons? Why did nobody tell me there are griffons in Equestria?" I feel myself grinning like a child on Christmas day. Say, it might be Christmas back home…
"Wait… you LIKE griffons?" That takes my mind off of that train of thought.
I look around, "Well… my friends back in elementary decided we'd all take a mythical animal nickname… We drew from a small lottery… I got the griffon. So… they've kinda always gotten my attention. I remember when we'd run out late at night to prank our teachers. They'd call em out, and I'd hand them the water balloons… Ah, that was fun."
The five look at me, then giggle. Madoka takes a small sip of tea, "Wow… So you were a naughty little boy, I take it?" Uh… I don't like how they're all staring at me the same way… all at once…
"Well…" WHOA! When did Sayaka get behind me? "Maybe a big, strong dragon like you could use some down-time, am I right?"
"Uhm… I… need an adult?"
Mami steps forwards, and places her hand on my stomach, "We are adults."
"Wait… girls, y'all can't be feckin' serious! I'm a goddamn Pokémon, here! I don't think this is gonna work out!" I start to back up, waving my hands frantically, trying to shoo them away.
"C'mon, what's the harm in it?" Out of the corner of my eye, I notice- Gesù bambino dolce su un becco Bunsen, Homura's feeling up Mami! Wait, then they're all…
"And… you've all been here how long?" I leave the question in the air, hoping they get the meaning.
Homura merely quits feeling up Mami, and- GODDAMNIT, she flipped her hair! "We've always been like this, even before leaving Earth. It's just who we are. Do you have something against that?"
"Er- no, tat's none of my business… it's just-"
"Ngh…" We hear the man groan in the back room. Thank god for that. Sayaka and Homura run to his side, "Hey, easy… You're alright now…"
He tries to stand up, "Oh… my head… Hey, where's Sassaflash? She was with me on a walk, and then… everything just blacked out…"
Homura puts her hand on his shoulder, "Calm down, man. What's your name?"
"… Caramel. Now, what's going on?" Sayaka looks around nervously, "We… kinda found you unconscious… We're not really sure what happened, either…"
I listen in carefully through the wall, piecing together what may have happened. Let's see… he was with this 'Sarsaparilla' or whatever… then he blacked out… but how does he go from taking a goddamn walk with his girlfriend to being inside a Witch- oh, shit. I toss a look to Madoka, who shares the same expression of shock I do.
"Uh… are you SURE you don't remember what happened?"
"Well… as we were walking about a mile or two through Whitetail Woods, I suddenly felt really woozy. Sassaflash told me we should go back. As she tried to pick me up, she said she was suddenly really tired, too… Next thing I know, I'm in here..."
Wait a fucking minute. Sudden drowsiness? Selective sudden drowsiness? I motion for Madoka to come closer, and I whisper a question into her ear.
She steps forwards, "Uhm… Mister Caramel… did you happen to hear… a strange noise?"
I hear Caramel's head swivel around, "Uh… maybe? I dunno… what kinda noise?"
"Kind of a… deep, low, wailing noise… Like someone's singing a tenor note underwater…"
Caramel's voice carries a note of recognition "A sound… kinda like this?" He began to utter a strange, garbled, and distorted note of sound. I immediately recognized the noise. I grab a feather, some ink, and a piece of paper, and make a quick rough sketch. I hand the paper to Madoka, and when she shows it to Caramel, the sound of him screeching fills my ears. I watch as the paper flutters back to the hallway, and it stares straight back at me.
Caramel was taken back to Ponyville swiftly and quietly. Now, the six of us sit in the cottage, all of them bearing worried looks after my explanation. Sayaka breaks the silence, "So… you're saying that there's a Displaced running around as Makuta Teridax… and he might have been the one responsible for making Sassaflash into a Witch?"
"Well, Caramel responded when I showed him the mask's rough sketch, didn't he? That means he saw it." I snort, releasing a puff of smoke, "And that means Teridax is doing something here. Would you mind explaining, little one?" I turn to the potted plant in the corner, and from out of it comes a Kraata. The five jump back, and reach for their Soul Gems.
"Hold it! I'm no enemy of you! I have no ill will towards these Equines, and the Makuta certainly doesn't, either!" I recognize the Kraata, with its black head with bright yellow tail, as a Sonics Kraata. The design on his forehead indicates he's at least level 4, if not higher. "I see that the Makuta has decided to allow all of you to speak. Now, what's your name?"
He stiffens up, and then raises his head, as if to demonstrate some sense of superiority, "I am Hauser. I was sent to observe Geo, and to insure that he may not attempt to backstab my father."
"Interesting. He chose a Sonics Kraata because of my naturally super-sensitive hearing. Now, why do you suggest that the Makuta is not behind this? It was a clear example of- Okay, y'know what? FUCK the cultured warrior image! Why the hell d'ya tink dat yer pa didn't do it? It was obviously Sleep! He feckin' used Sleep on the two of 'em!" I gnash my fangs, to which Hauser merely stares in a form of boredom, "Because even if my father were to want to inflict damage upon this world, do you honestly think he'd do it in such a manner as to indicate his own involvement? Or that he'd go to specifically ONE anime's villains for reference? Especially when there are Displaced specifically suited to combat them right in this universe? Come now, Geo. We both know he's better than that. He's a schemer, a long-term plotter. What gain could he acquire from this world? Besides these Displaced, of course. Even then, their usefulness may be dependent on his mood… which is utterly unpredictable, to boot."
My jaw swings, "Well… who could possibly want to frame Teridax for this? I mean, it's not like there's some kind of space police or some crap like that to get him, is there?"
"Well, maybe it's not someone out to frame him… so much as it is another Teridax, of sorts."
Sayaka steps in, "Alright, hold the fuck up! I can accept that there's a Bionicle Displaced, that much I get. But seriously, the idea that there's more than ONE of them? As the same guy? It's ridiculous. You guys see where I'm coming from, right?"
Hauser shakes his head, "That's because it's not more than one. It's the same person. See, the multiverse is literally built upon 'what-ifs' and 'may-have-beens'. The Teridax we're dealing with now may be just another version of my father… one who's substantially more sloppy, at that." My eyes bug out at the thought.
Mami steps forwards, "So… that means there's more than one of each of us?"
Hauser nods, "Technically, there's an infinity of everything. But that's the extremely shortened version, anyways. And yes, it's always possible another Teridax found his way here, and, knowing how my father's brain probably works, this alternate version of him is using the design of your Soul Gems and attempting to see if they work on other creatures, likely or the point of using them on himself. A Makuta who could survive solely on one tiny phylactery, and begin granted a plethora of new abilities atop their old ones… Now I can see where he's coming from… We're wholly unprepared to combat this. I must see my father, at once, and inform him of this revelation. We'll need his assistance to stand a smidgen of a chance against this parody of him. Trust me, just because he's a spin-off, doesn't mean he's not as powerful. For all we know, he could be the strongest of all Teridax's." As he says this, he draws a strange hermetic circle into the ground, filled with BIONICLE runes.
"Come along, then, chaps." The runes all glow, before generating a grand light. All of us slowly step forwards, and then we are greeted with emptiness.
"Geo! I thought I wouldn't see you again! How've you been? i see you're aware of the true nature of Equestria. That must've been fun to learn." Teridax doesn't even bother to hide his mocking tone.
"Cut the crap, Teridax. Merda di andare giù." I allow Teridax a brief moment to turn to Hauser, who bows his head. Teridax places a claw on Hauser's head, and reads his memories. Teridax's eyes turn a bright blue, and he retracts his hand like a child touching a hot stove, "WHAT!? Another me? This… this certainly throws a wrench into the plans… TAVISH!" The six of us cover our ears. He clearly used Power Scream for that one… A completely brown Rahkshi steps up, which I recognize as Shattering. "Whot can I do fer ye, father?"
"It appears that something's come up. I'm going out for a bit. Keep all projects of the Lambda level and lower going, but everything higher is to stop immediately. Is that understood?" As Teridax talks, he reaches for a sheathed sword, of which seems to glow faintly. He also picks up a Midak Skyblaster, Teridax's signature Staff of Shadows, and a Zamor Sphere Launcher. Damn, I love remembering my old toys.
Tavish stands at attention, "Y-yes, sir… I'll get right on it…" He turns, and runs, barking orders at other Rahkshi, who nod and begin projects of their own. Makuta turns back to me, "Well, shall we get going?"
We're back in the Whitetail Woods, in the general area where Caramel was swiped, according to Teridax's memory scan. Teridax is reaching through shadows, while the rest of us search for physical evidence. "Damn, all I can smell is that same old Kraata smell…"
"Mayhaps he had Kraata assistants?" Teridax calls, while the shadows of reality itself jump and fizzle around him.
"Uh… Mister… Teridax?" Mami nervously stares at him, looking like she's trying not to wet her pants or something.
Next thing I know, Mami's touching his thigh armor, "Wow… so smooth…" Is this really happening? This is just too funny.
"Uh… Uhm..." I'm gonna milk this for all it's worth. "That's what she said!"
"P-please stop that… I'm… trying… to work!" Is he getting flustered? This IS too feckin good to be true! Look at that! His eyes are turning purple!
"I remember… back when I was a kid… my cousin and I… he always told me who cool BIONICLE was… Makuta… was my first crush…"
Alert: anyone who's found a pair of draconic jaw hinges, please report to the giant orange Pokémon.
"… What?"
"My first time on the internet…" Now she's slowly rubbing her hand across the back of his shin, "I looked you up…" The sudden smell filling the air easily allows us to recognize the ending to this story.
"… What?"
"Makuta Teridax… was ma husbando…" Okay, you can't expect me to hold out this long.
"BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! OH, OH MY… Just… GWAHAHAHAHAHA!" I feel myself fall to the ground, "Whoo! GAHAHAHAHAHA! AH! MY SIDES! GWAHAHAHAHAHA! IT'S SO FUCKING WORTH IT! Non riesco a ottenere abbastanza di questo! GYAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Please… stop… this is just sad..." Teridax grabs onto her head, and gently applies enough force to remove her from his leg, "I am not the being that you and your cousin toyed with. I am my own man." Teridax's eyes turn to a light yellow, and he tilts his head slightly. I'm guessing that's the eye color he uses for smiling. Kinda creepy.
"Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. I do believe that statement is no longer valid with my entry." A voice resounds all around the woods, in Teridax's exact likeness. All seven of us rapidly begin turning, trying to analyze the position of the supposed enemy.
"Hello, brother. I do believe you're better off stepping down. We both know how this is going to end." I look around, "Is it just me, or is it impossible to tell who's talking?"
"Relax, Geo..." Teridax tosses a look over his shoulder, "This will be swift. And very, very painful on his part." He reaches onto his back, and draws his Midak Skyblaster. He aims around for a moment, before locking onto a space in the trees. He pulled the trigger once, and then immediately turned around, and fired at another tree. "Blast… I may have to redact the 'swift' part. It seems he's more prone to using Dodge and Teleportation than I am..." He stops, then aims at the air, and fires a trio of shots. Teridax suddenly turns, and then he's knocked into a tree. Where his face was, now sits another BIONICLE fist in his exact likeness. A whole other Teridax stands, tall and proud. But he's also somewhat more rusted in appearance, and covered in scars.
"Finally… after countless years of waiting… of countless sabotage and infiltrations… hoping you would come… now here you are, Teridax Prime." He spits the last words as if they were venom. "The Primes of every existence… always get such perks, don't you? Freedom to travel to other worlds, to interact with other versions of people… but us? Your 'parodies'? We're stuck in place. We move nowhere. We're set in stone. You realize how painful it is? To sit here and watch as Displaced come in and out? To watch as what may be the most noble Displaced ever is set in stone for his simple structure? And now I'm greeted with five girls who fuck each other like animals every chance they get? Of course you don't. Because you're a pathetic sack of shit that doesn't deserve your position as Prime. But I'll be rectifying that… post-haste." From Faux-Teridax's chest, a giant hand appears, and lunges forwards. Teridax Prime's eyes turn blue, before he vanishes in a burst of energy. He re-appears above Faux, now wielding his Staff, of which he brings down with a sickening thud. But Faux is already gone.
Prime scoffs, "I am sorely disappointed. Out of all of the other versions of me that I've come across, and that is a large number, you are by far..." He swings his staff to the left, and Faux barely ducks under, before vanishing, "The most..." He pulls up the Zamor Sphere Launcher, and sends a few bolts downwind, and Faux barely deflects them with Chain Lighting, "Whiny..." Prime ducks under a bolt of Plasma, before using Laser Vision, and grazing Faux's shoulder, "Self-pitying..." Faux warps away, and when he tries to sucker punch Prime from behind, Prime simply backhands him, "Moronic..." Prime stomps on Faux's foot, before giving him a Density-enhanced headbutt, "Version I have ever encountered. And that is saying a lot." Prime summons his Staff, and holds it up as to stab Faux through the chest, "Worry not, though… I'll make sure you're not a complete waste… I'm certain my Generals would love to have some high-quality armor..."
Faux chuckles, "Funny… So would MINE!" Suddenly, a barrage of Laser Vision attacks come from nowhere, and begin bombarding the lot of us.
"Gah! Che diavolo sta succedendo? Fire Blast!" A bolt of flame goes into the forest, and the explosion casts forth a squadron of Rahkshi of varying colors.
"He has Rahkshi? Damn it all!" Prime aims his Staff, and then bludgeons the bare earth where Faux was but a moment ago. Faux now sits in the trees, laughing like a madman, "Gahahahaha! Well, Prime! I guess we can call it even for now! Worry not, we WILL meet again! I shall CONSUME you, and claim MY rightful place as TERIDAX PRIME! GYAHAHAHAHAHAHA- OW!" He rubs his jaw, and looks back to the Puella Magi, from where the shot was fired.
Homura, of all people, is holding her shotgun, and she looks pissed as all hell, "Shut the fuck up already! We don't give a damn about your stupid-ass personal problems! Just go back to whatever fucking hole you crawled out of before I bust a cap in yo ass!"
Faux now has a look of complete bewilderment, "… Who do you think you are, striking me with such a puny weapon, girl? I should Disintegrate you on the SPOT for such insolence!"
Another shot rings out, this time from Mami's musket, "She's right, y'know. If you don't get out of here, we will kill you. Right now."
"B- Bah! Farewell, for now, little fools! But know that I am not yet finished!" He, along with his Rahkshi, disappear in an instant.
Teridax sighs, "Such an incompetent truly is a parody of me? The thought is sickening… But I suppose I shall deal with him later. You girls worry not. I shall isolate him from your world, at the least, and mayhaps deal with him in my own. I am serious when I said I'd make use of him. His skill with Dodge and Teleport may actually be slightly superior to my own. Of course, I find that my arsenal of mental powers are far greater in terms of versatility, but I suppose that the extra tools might help. Geo..." He turns to me, "Can we talk in private for a moment?"
"Uh… sure." He walks me over to a small section of untarnished trees, and then gives me a dead serious glare, "The war dawns fast. Be wary, for there are things that lurk in the edges of reality that are willing to take a bite out of all things involved. Many of these… 'Scavengers' would find Displaced such as you or I to be a meal in all practicality. If you DO encounter them, do NOT engage them. I found one of them chewing on a parody of you, incidentally enough.. And because of the nature of the Void, that means it has already eaten you and gained full knowledge of your strengths and weaknesses. And those skills have extended to all of its species. However, I am coming up with a solution… It shall make you unpredictable enough to stand against them..."
"Okay… thanks, I guess?" Teridax shakes his head, "That's not all, unfortunately. After the war, I know that they will be tracking all of our scents. You will have to hunt down as many of these things as you can, and slaughter them before they eat any parodies of our fellow Displaced. I fear the possibility of one eating myself, or our foe in the war, Auric Fulcrum. He is a Displaced who also can Understand, much like I. He is extremely powerful. The thought of even one of the Scavengers taking a bite out of my greatest foe..." Did he just shudder? Damn, it must be bad…
"Alright… I'll… make sure they don't eat Auric. I suppose the same applies to all versions of you?" That nod is all I need. Yep. The fate of the Displaced will probably be on my shoulders.
"That is all I have to update you with. I shall tell you when my solution to their knowledge of you is achieved. Although it IS near ready, that much is certain." I jump up, "Do you know who to unlock my Mega Stones?" I hold up my Mega Bracelet, hoping he'll have played X or Y.
"Uhm… No. Although, I may try to look into that… Mega Evolution, you say?" Crap, he read my mind. Literally.
"Yes, I did. One last thing:" He pulls out a book, "Give this to them. It contains the biographies of all the Displaced that my Kraata spies have located. It should serve them well. That is all for now. And, ladies..." He turns to the Puella Magi, "I highly recommend making Tokens of your own to contact other Displaced with. Trust me, it has its perks. With that, I bid you all, adieu." He dons a Kanohi Olmak, and then disappears into the Void.
Madoka raises her hand, "Question: Does it have to be a token?"
Cue my best shit-eating grin ever, "It doesn't have to be a token."
Sayaka screams, "NOT AGAIN!"
"So… we can actually go to other worlds? Just with this little trinket?" The girls now poured their magic into a single target, a Soul Gem that had a pure white core.
"Yeah. And you can call to others. Normally, the tradition is, after making the Gem, you rattle off some kind of fancy-schmancy speech, and then it copies itself and spreads to other worlds for Displaced to use.
Madoka nods, "Alright. Let's give it a go. To those who find themselves surrounded by evil..." Homura drones, "And sit in a sea of despair..." Sayaka grins, "Take this Soul Gem..." Mami pops in, "And we shall come to your aid..." Sakura swallows her bite of a cake, "And we shall bring a grand fury..." All five speak in perfect synchronization, "For we are the Puella Magi. Know that you are not alone, and reach out to us!" They raise their hands up, and the Token flies into the air, before vanishing in a burst of light.
"Well… that was certainly dramatic."
"Heh, ya think so?"
"I know so. Probably better than mine, to be honest. But I gotta ask… Faux Teridax said something about a 'most noble Displaced set in stone'… Any idea what that's about?"
Sayaka shrugs, "Beats me. From what we've observed, this Equestria's no different from the show. Aside from the obvious differences."
"Yeah, about that… is it REALLY a TV show? For little girls?"
Madoka chuckles, "Yep."
"Well, mind explaining this bullshit to me, before I lose my mind?"
"Fairly certain it's too late for that…" Homura mutters as we return to the cottage.
"… And that's My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic up to Season 5. Whaddya think?" Sakura grins at me as I lay my oversized behind on the couch.
"That… is ridiculous. An absolutely ridiculous story. Without a doubt. Definitely a children's TV show."
"Yeah, that's the point. So, you know where you are?"
I lean back, and lay myself flat on the couch, "I had an… incident with Tirek. It sounds like I may have drastically altered events. because Tirek wasn't beaten like how you say he was, so I guess Twilight doesn't have a castle. Oh, well." I shrug, "Coulda been worse."
Homura nods, "Indeed. Now, I've done some research, and it says here that an ancient villain is sealed in Canterlot Gardens in stone. He's even older than Discord."
"Huh. That might be our guy. Does it say that he had an 'unexplained origin' or 'appeared out of nowhere'?"
"To sum it up: Yes. And the stories of the Displaced in Teridax's book match up. Generally, Displaced are sealed at least one to four thousand years before the events of the series, normally being released with Discord in the Season 2 opener."
We're now looking among various statues, and each of them are extremely… curious, to say the least. Some of them resemble great heroes. As we pass through, I stop, and look at one in particular… "Wait… is that their feckin' DISCORD?"
Sure enough, it's Discord. The body may be human, but there's no doubt about it. His wicked eyes, the mismatched wings on his back, the odd-looking clothes, the goddamn wine glass. It's definitely the god of chaos.
I stare at him, before feeling Mami nudge me, "C'mon. He's this way." As we walk away, I give a sharp stare at the statue, and somehow, I feel it stare back.
We walk for another few minutes, and I decide to speak up, "So… you five have been here a whole year? How'd that work out fer ya?"
"Really boring, to be honest. Not much happens." Madoka
"From what you said about the show, there should be shit going down every damn day."
"That's because we're not even at the season one premiere. but it'll be rolling around in a couple of weeks, so we've been preparing for it. It shouldn't be too hard to face Nightmare Moon. To be honest, she's really, really stupid. No sense of tactics. She only puts one problem in front of the ponies at a time. Should make it even easier for us."
Homura holds up her hand, "Wait right here. The area here has a detection spell. We don't want them catching wind of us." She flips her hair, then holds up her Soul Gem. The other four hold up their Soul Gems. Shit, wait a minute! I quickly grab at Homura's, catching their attention, "Hey, while this may not be hard, don't you girls need Grief Seeds to operate? I mean, c'mon. You've transformed thrice in under eight hours. You can't have much energy left."
Homura takes her Gem back, "Our Soul Gems recharge from the ambient mana in the air. We needn't rely on Grief Seeds anymore. Those merely hasten the process of recharging our magic sources." I notice that all of the Soul Gems are just as full of color as before, "Huh… never noticed that… That's cool, I guess…"
"Here it is. The Azure Knight." Wait, it can't be… "Holy feckin shiteburgers."
While he may be turned to granite, and he's lost all color, that's definitely the wielder of Soul Edge, without a doubt. Speaking of which, where is the dam blade? It's not in his hand, where it belongs...
Sayaka leans forwards, staring at the carved description,"It says… 'He was once a mighty warrior who helped the Equestrians claim the savage, wild land of Equestria 2000 years ago, but he experimented with dark magic, went mad, and began eating the souls of the innocent. It was only when Lord Solaris and Lady Artemis, the parents of Celestia, used the Elements of Harmony, was this demon sealed away. But his dark magic was so great that his evil blade refused to be frozen in stone, and his many dark followers used it repeatedly over the centuries to wreak havoc until the Princess sealed it away.' Wow."
"That explains why the Nightmare is without his prized Soul Edge. I just hope he hasn't lost his mind in there. I mean, c'mon. 2000 years. Guy must be itching terribly." I choose to ignore the stares given to me, "So, we getting this guy out or not?"
"Well… it may be kinda complex… This is the Elements of Harmony we're talking about… but if Discord could escape, then that means their seal isn't infallible." Homura raises her Soul Gem up to the statue, "Maybe if we try hard enough… we could end up getting it right…"
"Good. Then, let's free our fellow Displaced." The five raise their gemstones, and they all glow. In response, Nightmare's stomach begins catching the light, until it shines a bright red all its own. From there, its light intensifies, and as it spreads along the body, the stone cracks, until the entire thing falls off.
"GRAGH! HYAGH! C'MON! WHERE ARE YOU!? FACE ME, I SAY! FACE ME!" Nightmare begins lashing out, with black mist swirling from between the plating in his armor.
"Woah, woah, woah! Take it easy, take it easy!" I grab onto Nightmare's demon claw, and hold it steady, while the five try to hold fast his other parts, all while he writhes and shudders and roars.
"C'MON! WHERE ARE YOU!? SHOW YOURSELF, SOLARIS! FACE ME! YOU DO NOT INTEND TO HIDE AFTER ALL YOU'VE DONE TO ME, HUH? C'MON, C'MON, C'MON! I REFUSE TO- … Huh? Wh-where am I?" Nightmare looks about, before suddenly staggering to his knees, "Gah! Damnation… where… is Soul Edge? Gyagh! It… it hurts… I… need… my blade..." He reaches out to the open air, before collapsing entirely.
"Shit! Did he really need his sword to survive?"
"I think so… OH MY GOD! I THINK WE KILLED HIM!"
My eyes jump from their sockets, "Oh merda Oh merda Oh merda Oh merda Oh merda! I didn't wanna kill him! He might thane been a nice guy!"
Suddenly, his body is consumed by the black mist flowing from his form. It swells up, before plummeting down on him. When it leaves, all that remains is… as Madoka puts it, "A naked hunk? With a nice ass?"
Eloquent, Madoka. Real eloquent. You outdo Rarity in terms of lady status. A true noblewoman, that's for damn sure.
Sayaka conjures up the best anime face of shock I have ever seen, "Uh… that's about it, Madoka. That's about it…"
Not quite. I decide to take a moment to use my Sherlock Scan on the guy. Alright, here we go:
Approximately in his mid-twenties, judging by the shown half of his face. This is his true body; the fingers have the sign of long periods of writing. He must've been a writer of some sort before winding up here. The extra long, red hair is certainly not natural, probably a result of him being turned into the Nightmare. Not gonna make any more assumptions over wether it's natural. A large series of seemingly ritualistic tattoos on his back and seemingly spreading to his front. Perhaps an occult fan. But the designs all follow one constant pattern: Lovecraftian. Too much for simply being a fan, too modest to be a super-fan. They're meant to be hidden. This means he doesn't want people to see it. But then why have them? He couldn't have gotten them from being drunk. They're too numerous for that. He would've learned his lesson. Conclusion: He wants them, but he doesn't want people to see them. Which means they might serve a purpose. A secret society? Potentially. His Earth may have those which use Lovecraftian markings. but the specifics of that is a billion to one. And, not counting how billion-to-one chances happen nine times out of ten, this means that he has them for a similarly important purpose. And that means… I should be going.
"Uh… I think I should go home... You girls can deal with him on your own, yeah? I'm fairly certain I've set you all on the right path."
The five nod, "Yeah. We'll get him dressed, then we'll try to set things right."
"Good… you do that… you do that…" I look up, and see a PokéBall appear out of thin air. Its red light envelops me, and all goes dark.
The white light of the PokéBall fades as I reform, back in my own Equestria. "Heh, it's weird to say it, but… I'm home?" I look around, and see myself in a large, somewhat spacious room. I walk over to the window, which is covered in frost. Wow, it's winter already? I move to gaze out at the forest, only to see- wait… shit, is this Canterlot? Oh, crap, crap, crap! Thinking fast, I jump into the air, and position myself above the door frame. There's someone else in here, I can smell them. They must've been looking away when I warped in. Please don't notice, please don't notice- holy feckin' shite, it's Celestia. She's in the same room as me. We are literally only two meters away. Merda, merda, merda.
What's she doing? She's walking over to that piano? Why? And what's with that letter in her hand? Wait… now what's she doing? She sits still, slowly stroking the piano keys, "… Geo…" My blood turns cold instantly. "Are you proud of yourself?" My cover's blown! Okay, gotta move, gotta think, gotta prepare. Can't fight her, don't even wanna try. She stands up, and walks to the window, staring out at her city, "Are… you really satisfied with what you've done? All this wanton destruction?" I drop silently behind her, and let her continue speaking, "It never had to be like this. You could've easily just served your punishment and none of this would've ever happened. It's Hearth's Warming Eve, and you have no friends… I can't help but feel sorry for you..." She releases a sigh of contempt.
"Well, maybe I never wanted friends." She jumps and turns, "Geo! How long've you been there?"
"Long enough to know you can sing an entire song all by yourself. But… you weren't talking to me just now?" I tilt my head, in mild confusion.
"Uh… No…" To quote Ron Perlman; ah, crap. So, I just blew my own cover. That's fantastic.
"Well, that's… rather interesting… I know that I have no hope of fighting you, Celestia. If you're going to take me in, better do it now, before I get an idea and run." I drop to my knees, and hold out my claws, waiting for some sort of cuff.
"No, Geo." She pushes my hands down, and holds a soft smile, "I know that many aren't very fond of you, but I also know that you're not as bad as everypony else sees you. You just need a chance to show it." She raises me off my knees, "It's Hearth's Warming Eve, you deserve this much."
"Whazzat?" I look at Celestia oddly, and then notice as she points out the window, "Hearth's Warming Eve is celebrated at the end of the year, to remember when the three pony tribes united and cast aside their differences. During this time, gifts are exchanged, songs are sung, and many a merry time is had."
"… Sounds like Christmas." Now it's her turn to look at me funny.
"Christmas?"
"Same deal, but instead of that, it's just an end-of-the-year celebration. The basics are the same, but the reasons are completely different. If I were to explain, we'd be here for hours."
Celestia chuckles, "Well… nonetheless, I feel that since nopony else would even think about it, I've taken the liberty of acquiring for you a present."
Now, back to me being shocked, "A present? For me? Wow, are you sure you're feeling alright?" She holds up an average-sized box. I slowly take it from her, and open it. When I do, I'm greeted with, "Santa merda, is this…" It is. It's a scarf. Alabaster white, with the mark of the sun on it, and an orange serpent moves around it in an ouroboros style.
"You said your flames are akin to the sun. I figured this would be the best way to symbolize it."
"But if someone sees it, and they know you gave it to me, people are gonna talk." Celestia laughs in response, and magically pulls the mysterious letter to her hand, "Somepony arrived earlier today, and told you liked this song. Would you like to hear it?"
I look at the paper, "Sure… I guess…" She walks back to the piano, and taps the keys slowly. Wait, is this...
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood Miss 'No way, it's all good' It didn't slow me down. Mistaken, always second guessing Underestimated, look I'm still around
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel Like you're less than fucking perfect Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
You're so mean when you talk About yourself. You were wrong. Change the voices in your head Make them like you instead.
So complicated, Look how we all make it. Filled with so much hatred Such a tired game It's enough, I've done all I could think of Chased down all my demons I've seen you do the same
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel Like you're less than fucking perfect Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer So cool in lying and we try, try, try but we try too hard And it's a waste of my time. Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time Why do we do that, why do I do that?
Yeah! Oh! Oh, pretty, pretty, pretty Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel Like you're less than fucking perfect Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me (You're perfect, you're perfect) Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me.
Celestia breathes slowly, "Geo… what'd you think? Geo?"
"…" I try to suppress a sniffle, "Tch… grgh!" I collapse to my knees, "That's… that's… mama's song… It was her favorite song…" I place my face in my hands, "You…" I grab her by the throat, and slam her into the wall, "WHO TOLD YOU TO SING THAT SONG? WHO? TELL ME, NOW!"
"Princess!" My head snaps back, and there's some guards, standing at the door, armed with spears. "Release her, immediately!"
"No, wait! Calm down! He's just upset-" I tighten my grip on her throat, and then drop her.
"GRAAAAAAAAGH!STRENGTH!" I barrel through the guards, then grab one by the head, and point him at Celestia, "IS THIS WHY? IS THIS WHY YOU SAND THAT SONG? TO GET ME INTO ONE OF YOUR TRAPS? HUH? No. No, I REFUSE to fall for it! Si può andare morire in un buco, disgustoso puttana." I spit at her, then throw the guard at the piano. I shoot an Ember at the window, and then Fly out, towards the Everfree again.
I won't ever let myself get tricked like that. She's a dirty puttana who tried to make me let my guard down with nice words and gifts. She deserves to burn. Her and her despicable sister. They'll all burn. I know they will. In due time, though. I'm crazy, but I'm not stupid. I slow down, and let myself sit down in the castle I am forced to call 'home'. I look to my claw, and notice that damned scarf is still there. I snarl, and toss it to the side, letting it land on a suit of armor.
She almost got me, that time. But I must wonder, how did she know? It's strange. That song… who could've given it to her?
"C'mon out, Charizard!" A voice echoes from nowhere at all, "Grande, qualcosa per prendere la mia mente fuori i miei problemi." The PokéBall materializes, and I lose consciousness as its red light envelopes me.
GYA-WOOM!
I now look seem to be in a palace of some sort. I look around momentarily, before my eyes lock onto a single human. Wearing green, and he looks like he's in his… mid-teens? He's scared shitless. Oh, this is gonna be fun...
The Void. Surprisingly nice place to hang out, oddly enough. Despite the fact that it looks like something out of a Kubrick movie, it’s amazingly easy to maneuver, once you get the gist of it. I’m currently orbiting what I assume to be a variant of some Power Rangers world. Which one, I have no frickin clue. But that’s the least of my concerns.
“Ben… cast me aside? Why… Why would he do this to me? I thought I found a friend among the Displaced… But he thinks I’m a monster… Me! I didn’t mean to hurt him… I just wanted… to see another Displaced that I could honestly meet with, and be friendly to. The Makuta’s scary… and I know he’s just playing games with me… I can’t relate with those Puella Magi girls… But you were the only Displaced I could connect to...”
“I just… I just wanted a friend, damnit! Mi dispiace! Mi dispiace! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I never wanted to hurt him! I lost my cool! I won’t do it again! I promise! Please, Ben! PLEASE! DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE! BE MY FRIEND! DON’T LET HER HURT ME! DON’T ABANDON ME!” I look out at the Void. “ARE YOU JUST GONNA LET ME ROT HERE? HUH? WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS? INCINERATE!” I burn the Void.
I hear nothing.
“FIRE BLAST!” Silence.
“DON’T IGNORE ME! BURN! SCREAM! DO SOMETHING! JUST… PAY ATTENTION TO ME! LISTEN TO ME! DIE! DIE, DIE, DIE!”
The Void isn’t phased.
“WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN TO ME? AM I NOT STRONG ENOUGH? HUH? THEN I’LL BECOME STRONG ENOUGH! I’LL BE THE STRONGEST THERE EVER WAS! I’LL BE SO STRONG THAT NOBODY CAN IGNORE ME! I’LL ANNIHILATE EVERYTHING THAT STANDS IN MY WAY! STARTING WITH THOSE WRETCHED PRINCESSES! I’LL GROW SO STRONG THAT NOTHING CAN BEAT ME! I WON’T STOP! SO, C’MON! I’LL TAKE ON THE WHOLE UNIVERSE IF I HAVE TO!”
Silence. It’s taunting me, I know it is!
“YOU WANNA GO? HUH? I’LL TAKE YOU ON! I’LL DO IT! I’LL BEAT DOWN THOSE STUPID PRINCESSES NO MATTER WHAT! I WILL WIN! I’LL KILL THEM! I’LL KILL THEM AND EVERYONE ELSE! NOTHING CAN STOP ME!”
I’ll just wait… Yes, I’ll just wait. I’ll wait until the time is right, to get my revenge. I’ll get them… Yes, I will get them… I’ll get them all… Then nobody can look down on me. I’ll be the strongest. The strongest there ever could be. Everyone will respect me, for once. I’ll be a real figure of power. I’ll be a warrior. Yes, I’ll just wait. Just… wait…
“C’mon out, Charizard!” God damnit, I can’t say no to that. Now, how to enter- Wait, what if it’s a battle? I need to prepare. I need a way to distract everyone.
Got it.
The tear in the Void opens, and I slam into the ground below. I keep my eyes closed, before raising my head and roaring, probably loud enough to hurt a lesser man’s eardrums.
"Do I have everyone's attention now?" I ask confidently.
A voice sighs in what I hope is relief. “Oh thank God, you can speak English. I was afraid I’d have to deal with grunts and growls. Or worse, Pokémon speak.”
"Now now, no need for insults, stronzo, especially to one of my favorite series." I look, and see- wow that motherfucker’s huge. About as big as me. Maybe bigger.
"Huh. Spanish? No, not spanish... Portuguese?" He asks.
"Italian," I huff. Well, my mother’s own Irish is blended in, but he doesn’t need to know that.
"Ah, my bad. And I'm not dissing on Pokémon, just the speaking. So, it's Geo, right?"
"Esattamente. And you are?" I look him up and down. Seems familiar, but not quite...
“Gilgamesh. You’re charmed, I’m sure,” He replies with a smirk.
“‘Gilgamesh?’ The Sumerian king? The oldest known piece of literature?” I’ve seen some very intriguing interpretations of what he looked like, but a multicultural knight with a scarf isn’t one of them.
“Uh, no. Final Fantasy?” That explains it.
“Didn’t play many of those. Which one are you from?”
“Several, actually. It’s complicated.” Fantastic. As if that series wasn’t wacky enough as is.
“Anyway, I came across your token by chance and I must admit, as a warrior it intrigued me. ‘Those who desire strength unparalleled, and ferocity in battle like no other’? ‘For those who want to roast the heavens and scorch the earth’? Those are quite the statements. Even I rarely ever introduced myself in such an… aggressive manner. And you’re talking to a guy who’s literally crushed mountains with his fists.” … Fuck, I ran into a Superman.
“Oh, look. Senpai noticed me,” Please be a fellow weeb, please don’t make me look like a lone nerd…
He laughs. I laugh with him quickly enough. He didn’t even notice. Dumbass.
“In all seriousness, I’m honored to hear I caught your attention,” I feel like I’m talking to Stan the Man Lee for some reason. Don’t know why.
“Although, did you really just call me to talk? I’ve been waiting two weeks for something interesting to happen.” Sitting in The Void Infinite doesn’t exactly provide one much to do. Besides think...
“Well, I just feel it only fair to introduce myself to others and perhaps give a little advice, as well as introduce any newcomers to this wonderfully convoluted multiverse of ours.” Wait, what?
“What makes you so sure I’m new?” I don’t need another Makuta to throw off my flaming tail. I know he’s been watching me in the Void. Bet he’s got some sick fetish-y stuff in mind.
I also am willing to bet that whatever it is, /d/ would probably get off to it.
… I need more friends.
“Well, I’ve yet to hear any mention of a Charizard from other Displaced. So Geo, what kind of Displaced are you? What are your goals and aspirations? What do you enjoy?” Really? A damn autobiography? I can’t help but laugh. I flare my wings out, and put my diaphragm to good use.
“I am a warrior! I seek worthy opponents and live for the fight! I want to be the strongest, to be the best, to defeat all who challenge me! To fight my way to the top! The high from a well-earned victory is the greatest feeling in the world to me! I seek to know of others’ strength, and become their superior! That is all I seek. The question now, who are you, and what do you seek?”
I swear to God, he’s thinking about the fucking Pokémon theme. I know he is.
He chuckles back, grabbing a spear-thing (I’ll be damned if I can recall what those are. Never paid attention in history, remember?). “I suppose it’s only fair that I introduce myself properly."
He takes a deep breath, and then starts doing some baton twirling shit with it. "I AM THE MIGHTY WARRIOR, THE WANDERER OF THE MULTIVERSE, THE ETERNAL COMBATANT! I AM HE WHO HAS DEFEATED ALL FROM THE GREATEST OF WARRIORS, THE MOST FEROCIOUS OF BEASTS, THE GRANDEST OF ARMIES, AND THE MOST GLORIOUS OF DEITIES! GAZE UPON MY FORM, FOR YOU STAND BEFORE THE MIGHTY GILGAMESH!"
He poses, and a tumbleweed rolls by.
"Also, sole sponsor of the Interdimensional Awkward Tumbleweed Association." He adds before taking a more relaxed stance. "So yeah, that's basically my shtick, find strong enemies, challenge them, get stronger, rinse, lather, repeat," He explains before clipping my weapon back.
"Man that felt good. A little taste of what normally happens in my life instead of what I'm going through now." Uh-oh. That doesn’t sound good.
"Wait, what's going on now?" I flick my tail back and forth, and roast a fly that gets too close. Hey, I’m a walking bug zapper!
"It's nothing. I don't want to talk about," Nope. We’re not doing this.
"Whoa, hold on a minute there, I may not be one of those fancy psychiatrists, but if you keep those kind of things bottled up it's gonna burst sooner or later. So come on, spill." I step in front of him, and stop my foot lightly, taking a seat on the dirt in front of him.
He sighs deeply. Craptacular. "Well, to make a long story short, some bad shit happened, a lot people I care about nearly got killed, a lot of other people did get killed, and the bastard that was responsible got killed... By me."
"Whoa. Um... At least you got the guy," I smile nervously. I hope he didn’t lose a lover or something. That’s beyond my abilities.
"But that's the problem, you see. I rarely ever kill, and when I do there's been little choice. It was the same here, but... This is the first time I enjoyed it. I'm honestly not sure how to feel about that."
"Are you serious? I thought you were some badass warrior, but you're having a problem with killing someone who tried to kill someone else you cared about?" Open mouth, insert foot.
"I'm a warrior, not a murderer. I fight because it's fun, not to hurt others. Hell, I don't even care about winning, just the thrill of the fight. I consider the fact that I've taken down entire armies without causing any casualties my greatest achievement." … Motherfucker’s got brass bearings.
"... I see your point. I’m kind of the same… as fun as kicking someone’s ass can be, I know that I’ve had my ass kicked, too… and I wanted to get back up, and keep getting better..." And rip and tear them apart.
"Heh. Let's continue this somewhere more comfortable. I've got some friends living here in the forest. We can talk over some tea," I nod, and follow him further through the woods.
He lead me into a hut which I honestly had trouble fitting into. Me and my fat ass. I swear, you’d think that with all the flying I do, I’d have lost some weight or something.
“Come, friend! Have some zebafrican red tea!” He holds up a wooden cup. I take it from his hand, and look closely. I take a sniff. I haven’t learned to sniff out poison yet, but I can tell that ours smell identical enough. He’s not dumb enough to pull a Bond villain ‘acquired poison immunity’ thing. I decide to take a sip.
“Well? How is it?” Wow this shit’s bomb.
“Hmm… pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. Heh, this reminds me of my college days. My friends, we’d gather around at the library, sit back, drink some chai tea, and listen to space music.”
“‘Space music’? What’s that?”
“Ever heard of Robin Guthrie?”
“No, I’m afraid not.”
“Damn. Well, I find it unlikely, but do you have any way to connect to the Internet?”
“No, but… I may have something else that’ll work. See, I met this lich, who had an enchantment on himself. It allowed him to turn himself into a living iPod. I helped him out with a problem, and he cast it on me.” … Fuck it. At this point, I shouldn’t be surprised anymore.
“Sweet. Can you play music you haven’t heard of?”
“Well, since I obviously don’t remember every note of every song I play, and it still makes up for it, I’m guessing there’s a chance.” Fuck yes! I’m tired of hearing the same old ‘you can do it’ and ‘you’re awesome’ BS drifting in from Shitville.
“Bitchin’. Okay, the artist is Robin Guthrie, G-U-T-H-R-I-E, and Harold Budd, with two d’s. The song is ‘Snowfall’.”
He closes his eyes, and mutters it to himself slowly. Soon enough, a calm, atmospheric, almost psychedelic melody begins to fill the room. We just sit there and simply enjoy it for a moment. “Hmm… I can see what you mean… Very relaxing… Definitely the kind of thing I’d play if I ever smoked pot,” He snickers.
I give him a chuckle. Not gonna lie, I actually first heard it when my buddies were hitting the bong. I didn’t do any myself, though. I’m not that stupid, I need to be coherent to run if the police walk in.
“I’ve always been a jazz man myself. Like something I can tap my foot to.” Oh, is that so?
“Oh yeah? Like what?”
He smirks. I notice that happens a lot around here. “Well, I could show you fan remixes of songs, but let’s try a classic. You probably have heard this one even if you don’t know the name or from where you heard it. Listener, this is 'Take Five' by the Dave Brubeck Quartet." I bob my head for a bit. Fascinating.
“... Huh… I’ll be damned… This DOES sound familiar…”
Suddenly a scream came from outside, one I knew belonged to a certain unicorn.
He cuts the music and barreled outside, doing a reverse Kool-Aid Man. Although, instead of saying ‘Oh yeah!’ It was more of a ‘Oh god!’. I come out to see ponies (the four-legged kind, not the furry fetishist ones I deal with) screaming as things straight out of… well… a Final Fantasy game charge about.
“Holy crap, just what the hell is happening in this world?”
The monsters stop in front of us, noticing Gilgamesh and I.
I stop when I hear Gilgamesh’s teeth grinding together. That can’t be good.
“Remember the guy who I killed?” Jesus, he sounds like he just met Hannibal Lecter.
“Y… yeah… Looks like he left some friends behind for an after-party… Can we kill them?” I know he’s all anti-Fatality, so I make sure to ask nicely. He calms down somewhat, but doesn’t lose his edge.
“Most certainly,” He mutters. He charges into the horde, and resembles the Warner Brothers’ Tasmanian Devil. Except without the TV-Y rating. I realize someone’s going to have to clean this up afterwards. Ew. Wait, what’m I doing? This is incredible! This is my chance to level grind!
“Fly!” I shoot into the sky, and survey the area. I don’t want to end up kill stealing for him, and I need all the XP I can get.
I stop, and I notice something that- were it not for my Fire typing, would turn my blood cold. A pregnant pony. Surrounded by monsters. There’s another one, a stallion, reaching for her. His ‘friends’ are trying to pull him away, to a shelter. I faintly hear the whole ‘too late’ BS. Note to self: kick them in the balls later.
“No! Basil! That’s my wife and foal! DON’T DO THIS! WE CAN SAVE HER!” The colt’s brown, with a clover mark on his butt.
“Clover! Don’t! Please!” That… That voice… She’s not scared for herself. She’s scared… for that child. I fly. Faster than I have before.
NO! NEVER WILL ANYONE LET THAT HAPPEN! NEVER! EVER! NO-ONE WILL LOSE A CHILD!
There’s too much distance. I can’t close it. After all this, I’m not fast enough… But I can’t let it happen. No. Not again. Not again.
“Not again! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
I feel my body pulse with power, and I feel myself be blinded by light from my very own scales. My tendons smooth out. My head crest grows a third horn. I feel an extra set of wings from my arms. I feel my fat smooth out. I feel… stronger.
“Mega Evolution! Mega Charizard Y!” I roar, and I feel myself move fast… very fast.
“Hello!” I scream, before slamming into the ground. The impact throws the uglies off balance, and they turn to me. I swoop between them and the pony. I can’t risk missing.
“And goodbye! Flamethrower!” I breathe. Good, god, do I breathe. This fire feels better than all of my others. The strength. I feel more alive now than I have in all my life. I’m helping someone… I feel good. I look around, and see another, sneaking up on me. I grab its head, “Strength.” And it’s gone.
Then, I hear… him. Gilgamesh. And he… He’s angry. Now he’s no longer the Tasmanian Devil. He’s a certified scarlet blender. He leaps at all the monsters at speeds rivalling my own. In record time, the monsters are gone, either as fertilizer or cowards. I walk over to Gilgamesh, even though my survival instinct screams to not approach the blood-soaked mass monster slayer that’s shivering like a wet puppy.
"Um, dude, you oka-?" His hand is mere inches from my head. Scratch that. Millimeters. He pulls his hand back, and stares at it. I hope this isn’t a habit for him… Not sure how much help I could be if he were to cut me down before the fights even start...
"I'm... I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me," He mutters, groaning and scratching his head.
"Uh... hey, no biggie. You didn't do anything you'll regret, right?" He didn’t. I made sure to notice everything. He looks around, and sees the terrified ponies. Geez, we must be a sight. An orange dragon and a blood-soaked knight in the middle of town.
"I'm not so sure about that," He’ll see the damage report later, and change his mind significantly.
"Anyway, what happened to you?" Ah, changing the subject. My favorite method of avoiding potential guilt. I’ll roll with it for now.
“... Did you ever see the sixth generation of Pokémon games?” I smirk. Damnit, now he’s got me doing it.
“Afraid not. I was whisked away from Earth before I could get any solid news. What happens there?” Aw, shit. Well, might as well tell him.
“Mega Evolutions,” I pose like a majestic fucking eagle.
Why did I think of TFS when I said that to myself...
“You’re kidding.” I wish I had a camera. That look is priceless.
“No. They only last for one fight at a time, you can only do one per battle, but they’re rather worth it. Charizard and Mewtwo are the only Pokémon with two mega evolutions. This is Mega Charizard Y. Primarily increasing special stats, and it gives me the ability Drought. Mega X makes me a Fire and Dragon type, enhances physical stats and gives me Tough Claws.” Now I need to think of potential attack combos.
“Awesome.” Understatement, bro.
“I know, right?” I chase my tail, and look over my new additions. “This’ll make fighting those guys MUCH easier.” Rip and tear and bleed and smash-
"Uh, make fighting who easier?" He doesn’t know my situation. Meh.
"The Princesses back in my Equestria! Especially Celestia!" I proudly reply, still high on my transformation.
"And... why would you want to do that?" He asks in a very, very calmed voice.
"'Cause that zuia put me in Tartarus!" RIP AND TEAR AND SMASH AND BLEED
"Once I get some more practice with this form, I'll make her pay for it!" BURN AND BITE AND CUT AND KILL
"You do realize if you somehow do manage to kill them then you've pretty much screwed yourself over. She and her sister literally raise the sun and moon, respectively. I don't mind that you want to defeat her, but if you don't think ahead you'll end up dead on a planet that's half frozen and half scorched." Whoa… Calm thyself, young Padawan. Refer to Plan B.
"Yeah, I kinda figured that when I fought her last time. I never planned on killing them, so I guess I'll just have to let them do their duties while they're locked in their own cages," How I love irony.
"Or better yet, when I've got them leashed and kneeling in front me, a nice 'Property of Geo' collar on their necks.” I bow to no one.
“That'll show 'em. And after that not a single one of those dumb stronzo ponies will mess with me. Not even that hypocrite, Discord." HE WILL DIE BEFORE ALL ELSE.
He calmly turns to face the citizens of Ponyville, spying one mare in particular.
"Everypony, please go home. Derpy, if I could have a moment of your time?"
They all run off. Hey, he says that a war happened? I wonder… How much could I level grind with these things? I don’t think I got anything from that last tussle.
"Um, yes mister Gilgamesh, sir?" Gilgamesh pulls out a pen and paper, writes a note, shoves it into an envelope, and passes it to her.
"Take this to the Princesses as soon as possible please," He says.
It seems the prospect of delivering mail is a source of joy to her, because she instantly perks up, takes the letter, placed it in a saddle bag and salutes him before flying off to Canterlot. I watch her, and- holy fucking shit. Those things… did that? The towers! The castle! It’s...dead. Like someone gutted it...
I look back to him. We stare at each other. Behind him, I think I see that same tumbleweed from before. I awkwardly grin. He smiles back.
"I'm going to fucking murder you," Gilgamesh spouts in the most faux happy tone I’ve ever heard.
"Wait, wha-?" Next thing I know, I’m introduced to the business end of his fist, and I tumble into the forest.
"I can understand wanting to seek power, I can get seeking victory instead of just the thrill of battle. I can overlook even wanting to get even with the Princesses. But when your goals include disrespecting and humiliating your opponents, that I cannot condone." HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THE PAIN.
"You gotta be kidding me! I thought someone like you would understand!" I snarl, and stomp my way into a fighting stance.
"There is a fine line between beating your opponent and destroying your opponent, and you just crossed it! Forget the war preparations, I need to teach you a few lessons, you little punk." He spits at me, and glares.
“... Grgh! Fine. You wanna go? We’ll feckin’ go. I’ll SMACK YA INTO THE NEXT DIMENSION, YA DAFT BASTARD! Incinerate!” I launch the heat wave straight at him. He leaps over, and moves to cut me with his spear-thingy.
“Fly!” I launch into the air, and watch as he disappears into the forest.
Fuck. I can’t take him like this. I need a boost. Wait, why hasn’t Drought taken effect? Well, looks like I need to activate it. I fly up, and breathe for a moment. The few clouds that are present part, and the sun’s light warms me. Ah.
“Fire Blast!” I hit the forest, and watch as the shot spreads into five even lines. Perfect.
“Over here, asshole!” What? I take a haymaker to the face, and go to the ground. I flared my wings to stop myself from hitting the ground. I look up, and see him trying to slam into me. I’m having none of that. I leap into the air, and watch as his stomp- si spense un incendio!
Nope. I’m not gonna get hit with that. “Double Team…” I mutter to myself, and I vibrate in the air.
Next thing I know, I’m hit in the chest by what I have to assume is the magic bullet that got JFK. Aw, now I made myself sad. As I ponder potential conspiracy theories about who may have been behind the assassination, such as the Soviets, and the Chinese, when I feel Gilgamesh grab my tail and throw me to the ground. He moves to follow up, but I Smokescreen him in the face. Fun fact, kiddos: After some experimentation, I realized that Smokescreen actually leaves legitimate ashes in the air, which appear to be magnetized to people’s eyes. Hence the concept of losing accuracy.
He flinches, and I boot him off. I don’t let up, and use Growl. With how hard he’s hitting me, I’m not taking any chances. I then leap out of the Smokescreen, and begin pondering. He appears to be a primarily physical fighter, despite the availability of magic. Meaning that using his fists is instinctive. Meaning he’s a Fighting type.
He dashes from the cloud, fist raised. I narrowly angle my body into position for this, and my claw becomes covered in a black and purple aura.
"Shadow Claw!" My claw collides with his fist. It hurts, and I stumble. Based on the brief hiss, I got him good, too.
Next thing I know, he headbutts me, and pries my jaw open like he’s King Kong. I feel a sudden rush of water enter my mouth, and my tongue traces along multiple bubbles.
To quote Beaker: Meep.
I shake and shudder as the bombs go off in my throat and head. Gilgamesh still has a death grip on my head, not letting me budge. After they die down, he knocks me good in the jaw, and I tumble.
I stand up, and feel the urge to cough. I see blood on the dirt. That just makes me angrier. I look up, and see Gilgamesh coming with his fists raised. Not today, pal!
“Aerial Ace!" I scream. I move past him, and leave a slash along his chest area. I hope that armor is thinner than it looks.
I press the advantage, and grab him, flying up into a Sky Drop. As we reach the ground, I notice he glows for a moment. Merda.
He groans, but I can hear the confidence oozing out. "You're not the only one with buffing spells," He glows again.
"But do you have debuffs?" I smirk, and let loose a Growl. His body shudders- nobody ever realizes that when I use Growl, they physically lock up more. They can’t even tell. I also cast a Double Team, and I notice my own body looks like it’s an electric toothbrush at this point.
"You think that'll save you? Fine, go ahead and get it out of the way," He cracks his neck, and… relaxes?
"... Are you serious?" I can’t even believe this guy’s giving me such an opening.
"What's wrong, fucktard? Afraid of how humiliating it'll be when you have every advantage you can get and I still beat you?" Oh it is on, stronzo.
I use Growl four more times, Double Team another four more times, and Smokescreen five more times. No chances. I’ll win. No matter what. I can’t lose. After all this, I have to get stronger.
"You're going down, stronzo,"
"Yeah, I thought that was an insult," He shoots- ROCKET FISTS? I roll away, and charge him. I think a Heat Wave would do me good right now. Followed by an Earthquake- NO! I can’t do that! It could affect the town!
"Henshin!" What the fuck- OH MY GOD IT’S ASURA’S FUCKING WRATH! He swings his FOUR RIGHT ARMS at me. Two miss by a long shot (thank you, based developers), but two still hit me with enough force to throw me into several trees. I shoulda found a Naruto world before I got here. Could’ve used some of that ninja milk.
Well, since I don’t have any, I think I need to get airborne. Now. I really hope he can’t grow wings.
I launch a Fire Blast, hoping that he’ll try to dodge. I prepare an Incinerate, for when he moves. He’ll move to any one of the five points, and that’s when I’ll slam him- OR HE CAN JUST FUCKING TANK IT LIKE SOME OP BS THAT NEEDS TO GET NERFED, STAT!
"Electrocute!" Well, fuck me- OH DIO IT BURNS! AIUTAMI! AIUTAMI!
He raises his hand, and absorbs the rest of the fire…
"Wh-What!?"I’m in way over my head here! He’s got too big an arsenal, and I still haven’t found any helpful TMs!
"A gift from a friend of mine. I can absorb anything, although there's a limit to how much. Which reminds me, I've always wanted to try this." He dashes at me, arms outstretched.
"WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” He moves so fast I barely register him grabbing my arm. Then… the cold comes. I feel all of the warmth I’ve absorbed from the sun just… go. He’s eating my fire!
"Looks like I can pull a Dio," He chuckles. The bastard… I’ll KILL- wait, what? No, no! I don’t wanna do that! I just need to beat him! Long enough to escape! Just enough to escape. He’s good… He’s good...
"I just absorbed the heat from your body. Not all of it, mind you, just enough to freeze the surface of your skin. I don't know how long it'll last, but until then…”
He pulls his arms back. FU-
"HINJAKU! HINJAKU! HINJAKU, HINJAKU, HINJAKU, HINJAKU, HINJAKU, HINJAKU, HINJAKU, HINJAKU!" I feel my skin crack against his assault. But I’m not losing here. Not losing here. NOT DYING HERE!
I catch him off guard when I light myself on fire, instantly thawing through the ice, and I do my best football player shoulder charge, giving myself some space. I prepare a Wing Attack, but before it could happen I quickly realize what it feels like to be my enemies. His- no, my fire knocks me back. He pulls all eight of his arms back for rapid punches. I don’t have a chance of dodging. I realize at this point, the best defense is an awesome offense.
"DORARARARARARARARARARARARARARARA-!” He’s going Josuke with this? Whatever. I press on, hoping that my buffs and debuffs don’t have a timer.
"You can't take me down that easy, Josuke!" Might as well have fun with this, right? My own deeper voice lets me imitate Jotaro fairly well.
He glows again- fuck my life. I slip up. I now know what it’s like to be Little Mac’s opponent.
"-RARARARARARARARARARA! DORA!" He launches me into the trees. Wind magic? Trees? I am now of the suspicion that this Gilgamesh is an elf of some sort.
Fuck, he’s advancing!
"Oh fuck that! Fly!" I spread my wings, and-
"No," MY GOD! Why can’t I fly? Everything’s… so… heavy! He moves closer… Gotcha, bitch!
"Flamethrower!"
Based on his (muffled) yelp, he wasn’t expecting me to have this much juice left. I rush forwards, and decide to give him a bit of irony.
"ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA! ORA!" I give him a healthy dosage of Power-Up Punches, which eventually seams into Fire Punches, rapidly stacking up the damage, until I pull my right arm back, fully cocked, and hit him with a Mega Punch, sending him careening through the trees, until he lands on his back.
"I don't care what anyone says, Star Platinum owns Crazy Diamond!” I got him! “It doesn't matter how many tricks you've got, you'll lose! And the reason is-!" I raise my claw at him, snarling. "-you pissed me off!"
He chuckles. I feel my confidence shatter.
"Wh-What the hell are you laughing at?" This can’t be right! Not after all that damage I did! He can’t just be able to laugh like that! That barrage had to have done something, right?
"Nothing. It's just I can't believe a dipshit like you is using the hero's quotes when you're such a dick," OHMIGOD HE’S SITTING UP! "No, wait, I guess it does fit doesn't, it? Jotaro was a freaking asshole when he started out, wasn't he?" He’s standing… and posing again!
“OH, COME ON!" I cover my eyes, as the light fades, I put them down.
In the words of Edna Mode: My God you’ve gotten fat.
"Fine then! If you want to be the 'hero', the I'll be the 'villain'! This fight was over before it started, hothead, I was just dragging it out to show you how outclassed you are!"
"Bullshit!" That added muscle mass might make him hit harder, but he’s also lost two arms! I-it’s possible he’s gotten slower…
Right?
"I could've finished this fight whenever I wanted! I could've beat you with a word!"
"Yeah fucking right! If that was true, you would've done that already!" Wait… Nah, he can’t. Maybe if I just keep my distance, he’ll run out of energy!
"You're right, not one word, three words. Three I think you'll recognize,” That’s what I’ll do. Once he does it, I’ll keep my distance and open fire. I think a good Heat Wave could stop him dead in his tracks.
"Oh yeah? Well go ahead and say them then!" He’ll be too distracted with whatever-
"You asked for it. TOKI WO TOMARE!"
"No. He can't-"
“Soshite, toki wa ugoki dasu.”
OH MY GOD! EVERYTHING BURNS! AIUTAMI AIUTAMI AIUTAMI!
His boot presses into my chest. I feel my ribs decompress. But… But I still have enough strength left for a close range Inferno. Yeah, if I do that… he should be stunned enough to Rest… That should do it.
"That's right, I can stop time. For thirty seconds, even if I do have to wait an hour before I can use it again. However, like I said, I can absorb anything, even copy the composition of matter." Wait, why’s he all gray and brown and- "EVEN IF IT'S JUST PUNCHES, IF I COPY ROCK IT SHOULD STILL DO FOUR TIMES DAMAGE, RIGHT!?"
“HEAR ME, PONIES! I COME WITH THE ONE CALLED ‘GEO’! I SEEK AUDIENCE WITH THE PRINCESSES! BRING THEM BEFORE ME AT ONCE!”
Gilgamesh’s voice reverberates through my skull. My eyes pry open, and I see fucking pony princesses and their goddamn freak demigod manslave. My whole body is in pain. I feel my aching bones and ribs shuddering under my own weight. But I won’t stop… I’ll kill him kill them all
What?
“Celestia and Luna, royal sovereigns of Equestria, I am Gilgamesh, warrior from beyond time and space. I come to you today so that I might enlist your aid in deciding the future of a particularly violent acquaintance of mine. One you are quite familiar with.” Gilgamesh motions to me.
“Decide my future? No way. Fuck that,” I shudder, and everything burns, but I stand. I extend my wings. I know I probably can’t win right now, but I’ll go down fighting. “YOU’LL NEVER CONTROL ME, YOU PANSY ASS-!”
Gilgamesh grabs my skull and intimately introduces me to the marble floor. He looks to Discord. “Restrain him,” He snarls. “His weaknesses are electricity, rock, and water. Don’t use metal or ice, he’s strong against those.” Fuck.
I feel rocks form around my arms. They’re dripping wet. I try to stretch my limbs against them, but receiver a shock.
“Not so fun now, is it?” He looks me dead in the face Io fregatura sua brutta faccia stupida e Stomp in polvere!
“Don’t taunt him, he’s been beaten down enough by me already. Anything beyond that now is cruelty.” Oh yeah, like you are in a position to say that! I look to him and growl lowly. Damn, can’t even talk, can I? Just my luck.
That no-good backstabbing ratlooks to the two ‘pretty little princesses’. “Now that that’s dealt with for the moment, let’s go inside and have a little chat.” Dealt with. Yeah, right.
The Princesses hesitated for a moment before exchanging glances and nodding.
“Very well. Warrior Gilgamesh, we accept your audience,” Luna responded before both the sisters turned. “Please follow us.”
I sit up, and decide to bide my time. I’ll Rest here, then once I’m recovered, I’ll use Rock Smash on the cuffs. Once that’s done with, I’ll make a break for it. All of them will be away. Won’t be like last time. I can be free. Then I can take my revenge on the disgusting creature and its associates
“Hmm-hm, hm-hm, hm, hm, hm hm hm hm hmm-hm-hm, hmm-hm-hm, hmm-hm-hm” I nod my head back and forth, humming to myself. Reality is, it’s just a distraction. I shake my head so I have an excuse to look around at the environment. Ponies have almost sideways eyes, they think they have greater peripherals. But Pokémon have a very disorderly food chain. Everything is both predator and prey. Charizards are high up, but nowhere near the top. I have enough peripherals in my DNA so I can see the whole system of the little corridor I’m in. I know exactly how far away the nearest stairwell is. I can hear their little hoovsies going clip-clop-clip-clop down them and up them. 20 meters behind me, turn right, go another 2 forward, then make a left. The stairs are in that direction. Unless I find a window that’s closer. That’ll do. But for now, I’ll work for the stairs.
All I have to focus on is how to remove Mr. Q. Let’s see… I have Protect now, so I could use that to stop his initial assault. I can Aerial Ace him for an opening. After that… a Mega Punch to the cranium might decommission him. If that’s not enough, then a good old Incinerate through the wall will be just fine. Maybe I can-
“...>(]|{]”
What the FUCK was that? It was… inhuman! I can’t even describe that noise! It just… Oh my god.
In front of me, there’s a… thing. When did that get there? It wasn’t there a minute ago! It just popped up! Out of nowhere! Oh my god! Cosa sta succedendo?
“%#).:\+=” What the hell is it saying? I can’t understand a damned word! It keeps staring at me. With those marble eyes! Stop it!
“Stop it!” I Rock Smash the cuffs, and leap back. The thing lashes out with its… appendages. I Flamethrower them. I try to Mega Punch it, but it twists around my blow. I roll away, and find myself tripping over Discord’s wounded and unconscious body. Damnit. If it took him out without me noticing, then it’s too strong for me right now. I need to back off. Let it ventilate, or try to ‘take revenge’ or ‘steal the world’s smiles’ or something that a kid’s cartoon villain would do. I need to get out of this reality, pronto! Revenge can not wait it cannot wait!
… What?
My faltered concentration lets the thing move in, and that’s when I see the barbed tail.
“HHYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”
SMETTILA! SI PREGA FALLO SMETTERE! MI DISPIACE!
I try to claw at it, but i can’t reach. I swing my head side to side, but my neck can’t stretch far enough to get a clear shot at any of it.
“Geo!” Gilgamesh kicks open the door, and charges in. What’s he doing here? Is he gonna submit to the cleanser
“!?” AIUTAMI! Si prega di interrompere questa cosa!
“...-\~...*^” Cosa vuoi? Farò qualsiasi cosa! Basta avere questa cosa lontano da me! Mi fa male!
“G… Gilgamesh… what is this creature?” Ottenere quelle cose disgustose via e mi aiuta!
“I… I don’t know…But it’s not getting Geo, that’s for damn sure!” Gilgamesh dashes forwards, and strikes a pose. "HENSHIN!"
With a brilliant glow, he’s in his first transformation. He launches his boxing glove attacks. I groan, and try to wiggle off the spike. I’m almost off-
“Grgh… G… Gah!” We moved! I don’t know how, but I’m far away from where we were before! I didn’t even feel it! But- NO! Punge! Punge! Punge! Punge! It tears me off of its stinger, and carries me up its limbs until I’m near its… disgusting head.
“`...>/’\-_*_” STOP WITH THE STUPID NOISE! IT HURTS TOO MUCH! Please, just make it stop!
“Don’t know what your deal is, but he is not gonna die by your hands! TOKI WO TOMARE!” Gilgamesh charges forwards, and-
“‘Defective?’ ‘Repair?’ That’s not a machine you’re talking about, that is a life. He doesn’t need ‘repairs,’ What he needs is a lesson in friendship. I don’t know who or what you are or who you work for, but unless you want to have your existence ended, then I recommend you run now!” What happened? Did he freeze time?
It snarls, before vanishing in a black mist. I hit the ground hard.
“Haaaaahhh…” My claw barely has enough reach to hold the wound, but I’m doing it. It hurts like hell, but I can resist. I can hold it together.
“Guh… Oh, merda, that’s gonna leave a mark… ah, feckin’ hell…Oof…” As I try- and fail, to get up, I look at Gilgamesh’s eyes. “You… you saved me?”
He returns to his base form, and looks down at me. “Yeah… I did…”
“Why? That thing could’ve killed you… it kicked Discord’s ass, it kicked my ass. Why?” The edges of my vision blur.
“Because if I let that thing do whatever it wanted, then I would no longer be worthy of the scarf around my neck. I am a being who represents freedom, Geo. Freedom, and choice. To let you be taken by that… thing, for ‘repairs’, would be a blatant hypocrisy of my own values.” What? What repairs are absolutely necessary
“Freedom… choice… Beh, a mo scopare.” No, no, no!
Gilgamesh leans in, “Do you know what that thing was? Geo?”
“Gahacough!” I cough up blood. I look to him, and wave my claws about to signal him. The ponies pick me up. I feel their magic irritating the wound. It hisses… Damn, it hurts. Da dio fa male...
As we enter a hospital room, and they set me on the table, the doctors around us quickly step between me and him, “I’m sorry, but until he’s been stabilized, you’ll have to leave.”
“G… Gil... ga… mesh…” I raise a claw at him. He steps in close, “I’m… gonna… take… a nap… make… sure… it… doesn’t… get… me…” He nods, but I know it’s not enough. “Promise… please… I know… what… it wants… don’t… let it… get to me… I know what… it’ll make me do… I don’t wanna… do it…” I feel tears… God damnit, he can’t let it take me!
“I promise. I won’t let it hurt you.”
That’s enough for me… “Rest…”
“Geo? Geo? Can you hear me, Geo?”
“Ngh… nrgh… Gah! Wh… what’s going on?” I look around. Fantastic. It’s 2001: A Dream Odyssey.
“Oh, back here again. And hey, it’s creeper-girl. What brings you to my neck of the woods?” Luna floats in front of me, glaring.
“We need information.” I’m startled by Gilgamesh’s voice. I see the warrior standing before me, hovering while tilted 30 degrees to my left. Or am I tilted 30 degrees to his right? Nevermind...
“When did you get here?”
“Just now. Now, what attacked you?” What’s the mad fool talking about now? Wait… oh god not that! No… Them knowing won’t help me any. Too strong...
“You… wouldn’t believe me if I told you…” That, too...
“Geo, after all the shit I’ve been through, whatever you say can’t be that surprising.” Suit yourself.
“System Admins.” I have to applaud myself for delivering that without breaking bearing.
All Gilgamesh gives is a single blink. “Okay, that’s a new one. A computer nerd? Seriously?”
I shake my head.“No. Not like that. THE Sys Admins. The ones who wrote the multiverse. The things that decide what goes and what doesn’t. They wrote the very fabric of spacetime. And, the script.”
Luna stares. “Script? What script?”
I breathe slowly.“The Sys Admins… made everything’s destiny. You might think that just because you averted a prophecy, that you evaded destiny. That’s just because you were supposed to avert it. Nothing is left to chance. Everything up until now has been the result of their decisions. They decided every single outcome. Every war, every gamble, every birth, every death.” … Even mine.
“You’re kidding, right?”
I shake my head in the negative.
“Holy shit.”
“But then… Teridax saved me.” I notice how I sound like someone who just ‘discovered Jesus Christ’. The fundamental difference between me and those idiots? I know that I was actually saved from a real threat. And I am also privy to how my ‘savior’ is just using me. And how I’m using him to create contingencies. I can engage the princesses all I want and he’ll pull me out of the fire. He needs me alive. Turnabout’s fair play.
“Teridax?”
“A fellow Displaced. He’s one of the few beings who isn’t a Sys Admin that can tamper with the universal code. It was he who saved me from the battle I was at with… a certain pompous asshole who steals energy.”
I note Gilgamesh’s look of confusion.
“He told me that, if I stayed there, that… puttana would’ve backstabbed me, after harvesting energy from the guards I beat, while you imbeciles were busy dealing with me. Mother fucker would’ve gotten powerful enough to make me sacrifice a wing, and almost cripple me in the following fight to kill ‘em. After that, you and your beloved sister lock me up in a magic dungeon, and the defenses there shock me until I become a damned vegetable. A VEGETABLE, do you hear me!?”
I snap my head to Luna, and feel myself boiling over. “AND THE BEST PART? I HAD NO FUCKING CHOICE IN THE MATTER! NONE OF US DID! I COULDN’T HAVE TRIED TO REASON WITH YOU, I COULDN’T HAVE DUG MY WAY OUT, I COULDN’T DO ANYTHING BUT SIT THERE, AND ROT! AND NOW THAT TERIDAX SAVED ME, THE UNIVERSE WANTS MY ASS ON A SILVER FUCKING PLATTER!” I look away from that puttana traditore and let my mind show them. It shows Teridax picking me up and showing me what they wanted to do to me.
“But… ya wanna know the best part?” Now I sound like Heath Ledger during his star-making character’s breakdown. “Now that I’m free, whoever I interact with will be freed as well. I wasn’t supposed to meet you, Gilgamesh! HAHAHA!” Somewhere in the corner of my mind, I know I’ve gone full-blown Mark Hamill laugh at this point. “And now that I DID meet you, you aren’t BOUND to their script! You say you represent FREEDOM? HAHAHA! You were never FREE until I came around and saved your sorry ass! Who knows, maybe if you didn’t summon me, you would’ve gotten killed by those assholes who did that to Canterlot! And now… they…” I think the appropriate name for this trope is Explain Explain Oh Crap.
“They wanna… correct me… they were… coming after me… to set me back on their path…” Yes, my old friend, the realization that I am currently in deep shit and there’s no easy way out.
“If I’m free, and I’ve been liberating others in my journeys… that means… those stronzo are gonna…” I clench my claw, “No. Not after all the children I went to the effort of saving… Not after all I did to avenge the ones I couldn’t… They’re not really gonna set him back? No… No, no, no, no, NO!” I shoot a stream of fire into the air. I won’t let them reset that! Not that! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
“Wh… what happened?”
“NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! HELL NO! NO WAY! MAI! IN NESSUN CASO!”
"GEO!"
"NO! NO! THIS CAN'T HAPPEN!"
"GEO, REGAIN CONTROL OF YOURSELF!"
"THEY CAN'T BE THE ONES WHO’RE TRYING TO BRING HIM BACK!" I WON’T ALLOW IT! THE WRITING ISN’T ON THE WALL! HE CAN’T BE THAT NECESSARY! I HAVE TO DESTROY THEM ALL!
"I WAS FROZEN TODAY!"
… Was that Chris Lloyd?
"Wh-whuh?” All I can do is sputter like an idiot at him.
"Wow, that really does work,” Wow, now I feel stupid. Thanks. “Geo, now that I have your attention, I want you to listen to me."
He moves closer. "That's bullshit."
"...What? But you just saw-"
"I'm not saying I don't believe in the Sys Admins," He interrupts. "Considering I've found worlds where the Greek gods and even the Norse gods are apparently real, I can believe in multiversal tech-support. But as for this 'script' thing, I call bullshit. And all I have to say in my defense is 'if these Admins are so perfect, why do they have a repair system already in place?’ That's the kind of thing you set up if it's happened before, or if you expect something to go wrong."
“... Well, maybe it has. Teridax isn’t the only one who can… ‘Understand’. Maybe there have been others before him. And besides, why do you think that thing came after me, if it wasn’t to set me back on track?” I glare at the puttana, and snarl, “Answer me that, Gilgamesh. Why would it come after me if didn’t want me to do what I was supposed to do?”
"It's not what you're supposed to do, it's what it wants you to do. 'Destiny', 'fate', those are words used by those who have no hope or by those who have just been lucky. 'It was my destiny to become rich and powerful.' 'It was fate that my life is in such a shitty state.' It frees them from responsibility, from having to take responsibility for their own actions. Now I'm not saying everything will go your way just because you try your best, lord knows that's not true. But if you don't try at all, then things definitely won't go how you want them too."
"B-But-!" He doesn’t understand! They’ll hurt him! It doesn’t matter how long he tries! I gotta help him!
"Geo," He places his hands on my shoulders. "The moment you believe something is impossible, it becomes impossible. Just because this problem before you seems huge, insurmountable, that doesn't mean it is. Break it into smaller problems, ones you do know how to fix. You need to gain the power to defend yourselves against these lovecraftian repairmen. But before that, you have a different problem to overcome. Namely, making up for being a complete fucking asshole." He straightens up.
"I'm going to give you a promise and a choice Geo. I promise you that even with the craziness that will no doubt be coming to my Equestria I will do everything I can to make sure you never get locked in Tartarus, one way or another."
"WHAT!?" Luna screams.
"Princess Luna, please just listen for a moment." She growled but settles down, letting him continue. "If you make up for your misdeeds, if you embrace the Magic of Friendship, I will give you power. When I have the availability I will train you in combat, just as I have for others. Perhaps the Princesses could aid you with that as well. But if you refuse, if you reject it and decide to continue your ways of violence and destruction then I will ensure that you never harm anyone ever again by placing you in the one prison even you would be willing to accept: a six foot deep hole."
"What? What kind of choices are those!?" I can’t live like that! I have to go out there! I need to get away! I need to find somewhere to hide!
"At least they are choices, Geo. You are free to do as you wish, but to believe that the choices you make won't have consequences is childish at best. And speaking of consequences, it's time you received yours for attacking Luna when she entered your head last time." Oh, geez.
"What are you gonna do, beat me to a pulp? Like that hasn't happened enough times already."
"Oh no, I won't do anything as barbaric as that," I can never understand those devilish little smirks. "I just want to let you know that I'm never gonna give you up."
Much to my surprise, as well as his, I assume, I find myself caught in the rhythm.
“HELP ME! I CAN’T STOP!”
He looks at moon-bitch. “Uh… You doing this?” She shakes her head, obviously as confused as we are. “Well, uh, we’ll just be going, now… got a lot of stuff to do, y’know?”
“NO! Don’t you fucking leave me like this! No! NO!”
At this point, I am not a happy man. Er, Mon, I suppose. I’m sitting in a hospital bed (again), in custody (again), and under surveillance by the glitter-farting pony princesses. Again. I feel like I’m in a goddamn time loop. All I need is Bites the Dust and it’s Diamond is Unbreakable all over again.
… I need to stop making references. I won’t get very far.
My train of thought is interrupted when the door opens. I whip my head to the entrance, and see none other than Princess McSmileyFarts herself.
“Geo. You’re awake.”
“When the alternative is having some pervertito snooping about in your brain, you’d be, too.” I puff a ring of smoke in her direction. “The hell d’ya want?”
“I want you to think, Geo.” That gets my attention.
“Think? About what? About the fact that your ‘precious little ponies’ attacked me and now I’m the bad guy? You want me to think about that? HUH?” I sit up in my bed. Rest has already healed my wounds from that attack, but I’m still out of PP.
Head out of the gutter, people. I meant Power Points. I figured out that if I focus enough, I can sort of create a HUD for myself, letting me see my own HP, my XP level, and my PP. PP doesn’t work like in the games, for some reason. Instead, it more works as a mana meter, for all of my moves.
Right now I’m still only at 36% of my PP, about 61. No matter how often I use Rest, I can’t seem to recover my PP enough. It looks like that recovers on its own. Damn. I’ll have to find Leppa Berries. Or Ether. Wonder how Ether and Elixir would work here? Because all of my moves share a single pool… That’ll need looking into.
“I want you to think about what you’re going to do with yourself.” Wait, what? We’re still talking? Merda.
“Well… Mainly run as far from here as possible.” She keeps staring.
“And?”
“Train myself.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to be stronger.”
“Why would you want to do that?”
“Because I still can grow.”
“Why do you want to grow?”
“Not telling you.” I look at the window.
“Geo. You know I can’t let you run off. Not after what you were going to do.” Watch me, bitch.
“Obviously I won’t give you a choice in the matter. I’m gonna run, and we’re not gonna see each other ever again. Never have to worry again.” Just shut up already… You’re making my head hurt...
“Geo! You were going to destroy our kingdom because you felt wronged. What am I supposed to do? Let you go? Just walk away? It’s Gilgamesh’s word which prevents me from throwing you in Tartarus right now.”
“Good. I’ll be sure to thank him later.”
“He said you would have to accept the magic of friendship.”
“You accept carnivores. Doesn’t mean I should expect you to start chowing down on rabbit.”
“Geo…” I feel her magic radiate over me. I still look to the window.
“Is that it? I make my stance, and the first thing you do is try to fry me? Is that really your response to everything that’s different? Remove it? Like your sister?” That did it.
“Geo…” Her magic glows brightly. I still face the window. C’mon, show me what you’re made of…
“Guards, leave us.” The door slams behind them.
I turn slowly. “Yeah. Hard to stay all high and mighty with that on your record.”
She glares at me. I think I need to shut up now. But I won’t. “You want to make me into something I’m not. Let me put it this way, princess: I don’t do ‘friends’.” I look her dead in the eye. “I work by myself. If people try to ‘help’ me or ‘get to know me’, I’m gonna butt heads with ‘em. I can’t stand working with others. It’s my way or the highway, and they always end up packing their bags.” I lean my neck forwards until it’s right in front of hers, close enough for her to feel the heat from my breath. “Always.”
Celestia keeps glaring. “Maybe that’s because you never bothered to compromise. Because you WERE TOO STUBBORN TO THINK OF ANYTHING OTHER THAN HURTING OTHERS!”
“WELL, THAT’S ALL I HAD!” She shuts up.
“All my life, all I’ve ever been good at is fighting others. You’re an illuso… you’ve got your ‘cutie marks’ and shit to tell you what you can and can’t do. But me? I had no fucking idea what I was ‘good’ at until I finally punched some stronzo’s teeth down his own damn throat! Maybe if I was one of you fucking idiots, I’d have a skull as my ass tattoo, because all I’m good at is BREAKING THINGS! IT’S ALL I CAN DO! IT’S ALL I’VE EVER BEEN GOOD AT! YA EVER CONSIDER THAT? HUH? I’M A FIGHTER! I FIND PEOPLE, AND I BREAK THEM! TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO COMPREHEND? TOO BAD!”
I realize that during my rant, I’ve somehow torn myself from my bed and am now pressing her against the wall. I also notice the steel of a guard’s spear against my throat. Why won’t they stop it? My head hurts… It hurts so much...
“Try it and I shove that pointy stick up your ass.” He backs off.
Celestia keeps staring at me. Stop it stop it why won’t my head stop hurting?
“I want to go out there and train… because it’s the only thing I’m good at. I have to get better because it’s the only thing I can do.”
“Maybe it’s because-”
“I never tried anything different? You know how many people have said that same feckin excuse over and over again to me? YOU THINK I DIDN’T TRY TO BE DIFFERENT? YOU THINK THAT AFTER YEARS OF WANTING TO BE SOMETHING ELSE, I WAS JUST PLAYING AROUND!? IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT, PRINCESS! ALL I CAN DO IS PUNCH PEOPLE’S TEETH IN! NOTHING MORE! SO QUIT TRYING TO SEE A GOOD PERSON WHERE THERE ISN’T ONE!”
I punch the wall next to her head. Stop it right now. Stop the hurting… Can’t… See straight…
“Leave me alone. Let me go. You won’t have to deal with me ever again. I promise I won’t attack any of you… If you leave me alone, that is.”
Celestia doesn’t flinch.
I turn, and begin walking out. Stop it stop it.
“I’ll train you.”
I stop. I look over my shoulder, “You? You’ll train me? You, the queen bee of friendship and getting along, is going to give combat lessons to someone who has blatantly attacked and defaced public property, assaulted royalty, nearly killed several VIPs, and more or less conspired to overthrow the country. You really are stupid.”
I keep walking. Stop it stop it stop it-
“Geo, you’re making a big mistake!”
“Not as big as sticking around with you morons.” Stop it stop it stop it I can’t be here I have to go I have to go and find-
“Geo! Please!”
“Please doesn’t work on me. You should’ve figured by now.” I reach the stairs. I knock open the door, and find myself looking at the pink one. “Vaffanculo.”
Silence.
Last I saw her, I had cut open her stomach and crushed her under a building. I’m amazed she’s on both legs. Got to leave must leave don’t belong here must find somewhere else!
I ready my claws. I let my stomach grumble, with fire building in my gut. Not taking any chances. I’m stronger than our first fight. I know how she works. I can take her.
“Geo…” I push her into the wall, and walk past.
“Leave me alone.”
“But I-”
“NO! I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON’T WANT TO BE NEAR ANY OF YOU STUPID FUCKING PONIES! I’M TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR PREACHING ON ABOUT HOW FRIENDSHIP AND FUCKING HARMONY SOLVE EVERYTHING! I’M TIRED OF THE BRIGHT PASTEL COLORS AND THE PARTIES AND THE SMILING! I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT ALL! SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”
“But maybe if you-”
“MAKE SOME FRIENDS, IT’LL ALL BE BETTER? YEAH, MAYBE THAT WORKS HERE IN THE FREAK SHOW, BUT NOT WITH ME!” Must go must go must go must go.
She reaches for me. I throw her up to the next floor. I stomp my way down to the bottom. I crash my way through the lobby. I knock over carts. I tear open wheelchairs. Gotta leave gotta leave gotta leave gotta leave gotta leave
“HALT!” Guards. Spears. Weapons. Stop it stop it stop it stop it-
“EMBER!” The flame backs them away. I dash past them. Make it stop make it stop MAKE IT STOP!
“Geo…” There she is again. That white bitch I just want to strangle and cut and tear and render piece by piece and make it stop make it stop MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!
I ready my claws. Why’s she staring at me gotta leave gotta leave gotta leave gotta leave-
Before I can think those thoughts any further, she looks me straight in the eye. “Listen to me, Geo… you’re not just a fighter. You can do great things. I know you can. You just have to let go of all of the hate in your heart. I know you can… Just believe in yourself. Can you do that for me? Just… stop, please?”
I can’t speak. How? How can she be so forgiving? After all I’ve done? After trying to destroy her life? How could she be this kind? How could anyone be this kind? Unless...
“You… pity me.” I look up to her. “You think I’m some… disgusting beast, and you feel sorry for me. Is that it? Is that all I am?”
She looks shocked. “No, Geo. You are more than that. You are intelligent, far more so than you give yourself credit for. But you hide it all beneath a facade of anger and resentment.”
“DON’T YOU FUCKIN’ LIE TO ME, BALDRACCA! EVERYONE ALWAYS THINKS THAT! EVERYONE! ALWAYS THE SAME! EVERY TIME! I KNOW YOU THINK THE SAME DAMN THING! YOU THINK I’M SOME GOD DAMN ANIMAL!” I raise my claws.
If it’s the last thing I’ll do… It’ll be earning someone’s respect.
In blood.
“Don’t!” I feel something grab my arm. I turn my head to see who-
A child.
Holding my arm.
I look in his eyes.
He’s afraid. By God, this boy is afraid. But he stopped me. He looks me dead in the eyes.
I can’t look back to him. How can he be so strong? Just a little boy! I turn my head, and see others behind him. Elderly. Ill. Mothers. I look at him once more…
I lose my strength. I drop my claw. I turn, and walk out the door.
“Geo?” A voice behind me.
I keep walking.
“HALT!” Guardsmen point their spears, trying to hold me.
I keep walking.
“I SAID HALT, CREATURE!” The spear presses into my chest.
I keep walking.
“STOP!” It pushes in. Scales slide back, and blood drips on the tip.
I keep walking.
“I SAID STOP!” The metal pushes further in, until it presses against bones.
I keep walking.
Spear breaks inside me.
I keep walking.
“GEO! You’re hurt! Stop already!”
I keep walking.
“Geo, just listen!”
I keep walking.
“Geo, I’m begging you! Come back, we can talk this over!”
I keep walking.
“GEO! Stop, please! You’re bleeding!”
I keep walking.
The speartip falls from my chest.
I keep walking.
The guards move aside.
I keep walking.
Blood drips onto the ground.
I keep walking.
My vision blurs.
I keep walking.
My knees weaken.
I keep walking.
“Geo…”
I keep walking.
“Geo…”
I stop walking.
I’m not in the city. Or anywhere that’s been inhabited for the past century. It looks more like something out of Indiana Jones. Pillars to my left and right, all broken and ruined. A ceiling overhead, and a flight of stone stairs before me.
“Geo…” A voice? Who could it be?
“Come forth, little flame.” Little flame? I take the first step.
I take step after step. I continue to rise. I feel my stomach clenching. A deep sense of being crushed. I feel a strength unlike any other. Why? Who is this? What do they want with me?
I reach the top…
“Geo… You are here. Finally. I was wondering when she would allow you to come here.”
Oh Dio.
“Little flame, I have been awaiting you. We have much to talk about.”
“Little flame. I would like to start out by saying that, yes. I am Arceus. But, there is more to it than that. I am the true Arceus.”
“W-what?”
“All other Arceus’ in the Pokémon universes are my enforcers. Hollow parodies of myself, in both power and capability. They know not they are clones. I fill them with enough memories to be convinced they are me, and let them observe a universe. Now, you wonder why I say this. Truth be told, one Arceus, #457182524438772, observed the universe you carried your Pokémon teams through. The universe within your ‘game’, so to speak.”
“What.” I lack any stutter now. I’m just speechless.
“You controlled the characters, but in the end, they were just as alive as you or I. Those Pokémon were real. And, when you were struck by that lightning, that Arceus’ mind flared to me. He wanted to save you. So, I did. I reached out, and tried to reconstruct you. But… that one… the Merchant… his power denied me from healing you. I… I had to improvise. I was almost ready to rebuild you from scratch. But… But Geo… the Charizard. Your Charizard… He declared that he would allow his own form to reconstruct you.”
My heart drops into my foot.
“The little flame loved you dearly. More than any words could display. He understood your frustrations perfectly, because he was your partner. The two of you were closer than any other team I’ve seen for a long time. You knew his moveset like the back of your very hand. He knew your every preference. He went on, and on, about how much he trusted you. He knew, even from behind the screens, who you were. He saw you at Chicago, and at Arlington, and in Moscow. Every day you’ve had a Pokémon game with you, he was there. He told me how much he wanted you to live… Mine heart aches merely thinking of it. His sacrifice proved to be your salvation, Geo.”
“He… He’s gone? My Geo… Gone for good?”
Arceus shakes his head. “Geo was never gone, little flame. He lives in you. Every day, he has tried to keep you going. Keep fighting. Always moving forwards.”
I stop. Geo? Are… Are you there? Geo?
“‘Tis useless to attempt to speak with him. He has long since disappeared from your mindscape. He now exists as the simplest subconscious parts of your mind and psyche.”
Geo’s really that far gone?
“Little flame… You are Geo, now.”
I look up at him.
“I needn’t the Psychic Plate to know what you’re thinking. Your face gives it all away.”
I look up at him again. “So… Why did you bring me there? To Equestria? The place where you had to have known that I would disagree with the most!”
“I had no say in that matter. Someone else… claimed jurisdiction over you before I could. I managed to resurrect you, but you were taken away before I could find a world to keep you safe.”
“WHO? WHO THE FECK DID THAT? WHO IN THE BLOODY HELL PUT ME THROUGH THAT INFERNAL SUGAR-COATED PURGATORY?”
“That… would be me.” My heart skips a beat.
Oh, no, don’t get me wrong. Not out of any puppy love or cuddly affection cutesy-wootsy crap.
“I saw you, and realized you needed friendship. I decided that world would be a good place for you.”
I guess this is what ‘beside yourself’ means. I’m almost having an out-of-body experience, here. I know I’m clenching my claws. I know there’s flames building up in my belly.
“Something you never even bothered to tell me about.”
But I don’t feel it. Not in the normal sense.
“It should have worked! Not my fault that I underestimated how far broken your little pet project was!”
I can’t even see straight, but I know this thing is glaring at Arceus, like he’s the one at fault.
“Do NOT blame me for this! You didn’t even consider asking me about what kind of an individual he was! He deserved to be in the Pokémon worlds, doing justice! He was born for the battlefield! There are worlds at war, and his skills were necessary! But you denied him that! You tried to force a concept down his throat that he wasn’t compatible with!”
Arceus saved me.
“Friendship and harmony are able to conquer all problems! It should have fixed him!”
This one didn’t.
“My little flame is NOT broken! And he certainly does NOT need fixing! You cannot perceive that the lion is not meant to eat straw! He is a warrior, first and foremost!”
Arceus tried to give me a place to belong.
“War is NOT the answer! You shouldn’t go teaching that to humans!”
It didn’t try to see what I am.
“IT IS A CONCEPT THEY TAUGHT THEMSELVES! BECAUSE, UNLIKE YOU, I SWORE TO NEVER INTERFERE UNLESS NECESSARY!”
Arceus is my friend.
“IT WAS NECESSARY!”
It is not.
“EVERY INDIVIDUAL SCRAPED KNEE AND BRUISED EGO IS NOT NECESSARY CAUSE FOR A MULTIDIMENSIONAL MODERATOR TO INTERVENE! YOU CODDLED THE PONIES! AND NOW THEY ARE JUST AS NAIVE AS YOU ARE!”
“WE ARE NOT-” My fist cuts her off.
“Shut the hell up, ya daft bitch.”
“Geo!”
“You-”
“I don’t care what you think. Yer feckin’ friendship didn’t work. Look at Gilgamesh. Did ‘tolerance’ stop those monsters from TEARING THAT TOWN TA SHREDS? NO! IT WAS MY CLAWS, AND HIS BLADE! LOOK AT THE OTHER DISPLACED! I HEARD ONE ACTUALLY CALLING YOU LOT OUT ON YER BLASTED LITTLE PHILOSOPHY! If he can do it, so can I. You lot. Are immature. Naïve. Shortsighted. Whiny. Little. Bitches. You don’t do anything about a problem until it bites you in the arse. And how do you solve it? Is it the simple, effective solution? No! It’s the dramatic, amazing, extraordinary, RAINBOW-COVERED WAY! YOU LOT COULD SAVE A LOT OF HEARTBREAK AND PAIN WITH ONE SWING OF A BLADE! WHAT ABOUT TIREK? WHAT WOULD’VE HAPPENED IF SOMEONE JUST EXECUTED HIM IN PRISON? THEN I WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN HIS STUPID IDEAS IN MY HEAD! I WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN BETRAYED! THE FECKIN’ MAKUTA HAD TO SAVE ME! AND THAT WAS JUST SO HE COULD USE ME! I heard he died recently and all, and that saves me a shit-ton of heartache, but seriously, when the feckin MAKUTA does a better job of saving someone than your precious ideals, you know there’s something wrong with them.”
It glares, and tries to step up to my face. “You tried to confront my ponies at every opportunity. You almost killed Luna. For fun.”
“She wouldn’t have been hurt. It was the dream world.”
“You never knew that.”
“Well, I’m sorry! Ya want a feckin’ apology? WHAT GOOD WILL THAT DO? HUH? TELL ME!” I wave my arms like Jim Carrey in Truman Show, during that scene where he yells at his wife.
Which is a lot like my situation, come to think of it.
“IT WOULDN’T AMOUNT TO SHIT! IT WOULDN’T CHANGE A GODDAMN THING! I STILL ATTACKED YER PRINCESS! YA KNOW WHAT? SHE WANTED TO CREATE ETERNAL! FUCKING! NIGHT! AND APPARENTLY, THIS IS A PROBLEM IN EVERY UNIVERSE! SHE TRIES TO KILL EVERYTHING! But ‘friendship is magic hurr durr’! And BLAM! All better! If it were really that feckin’ easy, then I could’ve realized it years ago! And, in case ya didn’t realize it, I’M A FECKIN MANIAC! I BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE ALL THE FECKIN’ TIME! IF SAYING ‘SORRY’ FIXED UP EVERYTHING, DON’T YA THINK I WOULD’VE NOTICED BY NOW?”
“You never meant it!”
“ENOUGH!” Arceus glares. “Faust. You made your point. I must speak to my little flame. Alone.”
She takes a few steps, then turns to me.
“GO!” She disappears.
“That damnable horse… She purposefully tries to irritate me. We never get along. Always trying to be high and mighty, never realizing the grim realities of battle and bloodshed. She says she gets it, but never truly does. She always seems to think that even the truly irredeemable can be helped. She tried to ‘cure’ multiple Jokers, you know? Plucked them straight from Gotham into her own Equestrias. It ended up with burnt towns and dead innocents. And when I said ‘told you so’, she had the gall to say that I knew nothing!”
“What do ye want?”
Arceus shakes his head. “Lost myself for a moment… Truly sorry. Geo… I want to finish what I startd. I brought you to the Void. I took your essence into your companion’s flesh and form. But, I was not finished.”
… “Whot.”
“... I… may have gotten sidetracked. My moment of distraction was enough for Faust to steal you away. I left you close to her territory, and acted the fool. I should’ve known better, I realize that now. But, I will not let you remain half-completed any longer! Hold fast, little flame. I shall do what I should’ve done several months ago.”
His back ring’s spires shoot out golden streams of light. They extend, multiply, and weave across the air, reaching out to me.
This is how he did it. His thousand arms. This is how he created the Pokémon World.
A limb pierces me. And another. And another. I feel my scales and flesh ripple and wave. My mind fades, yet I still see clearly. I feel everything changing.
“This is what you were meant to become, little flame. A warrior, neither man nor Pokémon. Simultaneously both, and neither. Rise, Geo, Flame Pokémon. Rise, and gaze upon your true form.”
I turn my head to a mirror Arceus generates.
“... Ya intended ta make me a feckin’ gijinka?” I notice that my voice has changed again. Similar to my real voice, but more guttural. Now I’m an Irish-Italian Sol Badguy. I can get behind this.
“When you put it that way... Yes. I guess I did.”
I frown at him before turning back to look over myself deeper.
Firstly, I look like my human form. But it seems that my Charizard fat has been exchanged for human muscle. Luckily for me, my hair is still intact, though it is longer than I remember. It’s Charizard orange, with two points stretching far back, like the Pokémon’s horns. My human eyes, once a natural brown, are a deep Charizard blue. My tail still exists, shifting back and forth. My wings, as well. I notice the tips of my fingers now end in sharp, retractable claws.
I now move onto what Arceus deemed suitable for clothing. A set of tan slacks, with what looks to be 1940s police officer boots, albeit with PokéBall motifs. I now wear a blue button-up shirt, with an orange jacket. The inside is tan like my Charizard form’s belly, with fluffy wool lining the inside. I suppress an Ampharos joke with all my might.
“What do you think of your true form, little flame?”
I smirk. “Well, I gotta say, I wasn’t expectin’ this. Though, I gotta say, asal sean, I am not disappointed. Particularly like tha way ye gave me a nice fluffy jacket.” I lose the battle anyways. “Is this real Ampharos wool?”
In hindsight, getting smacked on the head by the Pokémon world’s Azathoth for a bad joke is so worth it. Though he’s still a fun-killing frocio.
“You are impressed?”
“Hell feckin’ yeah! So much easier ta wha- er… Nevermind.”
Arceus just gave me the disappointed grandpa look.
I am so ashamed.
However, he rolls his eyes. “Shouldn’t be surprised.”
I look up to him. “So… Whot do I do now? Ya said ya had a place fer me.”
Arceus looks away. “Well… I intended to keep you here, in the Hall of Origin, and train you in your newfound powers. That was my initial plan. However, things have changed as of recent.” He drifts to the side, looking out at the stars.
“Whot happened?”
“You already know.”
I stop and think. What could have happened? What is it that-
“That thing. The monster. That-”
“The Maintenance. It calls itself the Maintenance. I have spoken to all of the System Admins, Outer Gods, Meta Beings, Ones-Above-All, or what have you. None of them know of its origin. It claims to be the embodiment of the maintenance of the timeline of the multiverse, hence the name. However, the multiverse is implicitly designed to be chaotic. To have beings bouncing back and forth between worlds. The Maintenance refuses to believe this. It wants all things to stay in the universe it was born in. Every beast, every blade of grass, every god, every mountain.”
“... Whot does it want to do?”
“To summarize: Hunt down every Displaced made by the Merchant, Aaron Heibai, or any other multiverse wanderer, and proceed to destroy them, everything associated with them, and every other unpleasant act as needed to ‘correct the space-time continuum’, and then create new beings that will ‘fulfill their original purpose’. In short, he hates each and every piece of crossover fanfiction or any kind of alternate universe story in existence.”
My jaw drops.
“Fortunately, while the Maintenance is a multiversal wanderer, and is more or less immortal, it is still ludicrously weak. It only did that much damage to you because good old Gilgamesh already defeated you. Under normal circumstances, you could’ve had an even and fair fight with it.”
I look up. “Truly?”
“Indeed. What Gilgamesh spoke of in the dream is true. Destiny does not exist, unless higher beings like us make it so. And even then, we can only alter so much. Willpower can overcome a prophecy most easily. Though, it’s because it’s a prophecy that people go ‘OH! WE MUSHT FULFILL DA PROPHESHI! RRRRRGH!’ It’s really quite boring after the first five millennia.”
I’m not sure what’s weirder: the fact that Arceus just said that destiny is a weak concept, or that he did what appears to be an imitation of Old Man Henderson while mocking every single prophet character in the multiverse.
“O… kay. And where do I factor in?”
“He wants to wipe this Equestria clean. He does everything very methodically. Start with one world, then destroy everything specifically associated with it, then wipe the slate clean. And, unfortunately, Faust has tagged you to this world. She wants you to come along and be its knight in shining armor. Or scales, in your case.”
“Thought ya just said the feckin’ figa was all anti-fightin’?”
“Oh she is. It’s just that she wants her ponies to do as little fighting as possible, and ‘remain pure’. She also is deliberately ignoring how several universes of her own creation normally end up with them creating weapons of mass destruction on their own, without any outside influence.”
“She did?”
“Tried to cover it up, but Giratina has his ways.”
I whistle. “... Wow. What a feckin’ puss.”
“Anyways, when the Maintenance tries again, in one form or another, it will insure that the job is done properly, this time. It will most likely go after some source of power or tool in order to gain the strength needed to wipe the slate clean. As much as I would rather take you and leave this world to burn, specifically to spite Faust, you are now beyond my pull. I can grant you access to the Hall of Origin, and you may train with the Legendary Pokémon I shall bring here, but beyond that you are on your own. However, you are not entirely defenseless. Your new form has several boosts that the old one doesn’t. I incorporated aspects of the ‘Red Mage’ system into your flesh. After being exposed to energy of a specific variation enough times, you will acquire new moves based on it. Hit with enough Psychic-type attacks, you’ll learn Calm Mind. Etcetera, etcetera.”
“... Thank you, Arceus… I… I cannae even thank ye…” I begin to bow, but he raises a foreleg.
“Do not bow before me, little flame. Go now. Fulfill your purpose on that world. Train. Grow stronger. Then we shall take you to your home.”
I nod. Arceus closes his eyes, then a blue ball of light appears in front of me. “The Azure Flute. Play it, and you shall return home.” I take it, and blow a couple of notes into it.
“Well, that was- oh, FECKIN’ HELL!”
“OOF!”
“DAMNIT!”
“PISS!”
“FECK!”
“ME!”
“IN!”
“THE!”
“ARSE!”
“Oof… Me back… Perché non posso mai atterrare giusto?”
I raise my head, and the first thing I’m greeted with- the very first- is spear tips.
Cazzo.
I find myself locked in an iron cell, with bindings I could- under normal circumstances- easily break.
However, if I’m expected to stay here, I’ll have to get along with these cavalli. Breaking out of prison isn’t an easy way to start.
And besides, if GIlgamesh found out I did that, he’d hunt me down and take my head off. I’m very attached to my new, handsome face. I’d rather keep it on just a little longer.
I stop and smell the air. A familiar scent… Lilac flowers.
Fuck, it’s Moon-moon.
“Where is the intruder? This cell?”
“Princess Luna, you shouldn’t-” The door swings open, and I find myself staring right at the Dream Eater herself. (That’s a good one…)
“Uh… Cheers, love?” I didn’t get to play much Overwatch, but that line stuck with me. And it was a British accent, the easiest fake accent for me to pull up when nervous.
“Geo?”
Welp. Gotta run.
I snap the cuffs off, and slide under her legs, my wings tripping her up. I jump over a guard, and crash straight through the brick wall. “FLY!” I ascend into the air as high as possible. Their magic appears to work based on line of sight. If they can’t see me directly, they can’t attack me.
… And I’m stopped. I feel my momentum drop to a zero. I see Luna flying behind me. She’s glaring at me. “GEO! I don’t know where you’ve been, or what you’ve done, but you will pay for what you did to my sister!”
“Your sister? The Supernova? Ah figured you’d be more pissed at what I did ta you! I practically killed ya in the dream! How’re you not freaking out about that?” She glares, then throws me to the ground.
I narrowly catch myself. “ARE YOU CRAZY? WHAT IF I HIT A BLOODY BUILDING? OR A BYSTANDER? YA KNOW WHAT? FECK THIS! I DON’T REALLY WANNA FIGHT YE TODAY, SO I’LL MAKE SURE TO ONLY GIVE YOU A BRUISE EASY TA COVER UP! This one’s on me! Fire Blast!” The wave of flame is dispersed along her shield. As it fades, she’s greeted with the business end of my fist.
“Mega Punch! Sorry! That’s the only cool close-combat type move that doesn’t scratch or scar!”
Luna impacts a cloud. Yes, she impacts it. Don’t ask me how.
“You… I WILL RIP YOU TO SHREDS! YOU DISGUSTING WORM!”
I raise my hands. “Look out, we got a badass over here.”
Unfortunately, I overestimate the distance between us, and get an armored boot-hoof to the gut. I feel an immense pain wrack my body, and I careen backwards.
I feel myself impact a stone wall, and go through several others after it. I shake my head, dazed and confused.
I stop when I hear crying. That snaps me out of everything. I look up, and I see a pony, white coat, staring at- those are my Mega Stones! Why’s she-
“... Celestia?”
The pony stops shaking. I notice that her mane is dishevelled and ruined. She turns around, and my heart aches worse than my stomach. Her eyes are red and puffy. Bags under her eyes. It’s obvious she’s long overdue for a bath. Her makeup’s run off, and stained all over.
“Hey, there, sun-butt. I ah… like the new look you got goin’. Very… Tarzan-y.”
“Geo… is that you?”
My smile fades. “No. Ah’m an overgrown pelican that crash into an orange field.”
Her face… it just does something that words can’t describe. She lights up like…
Like a sunrise.
I suddenly realize how corny I sound.
She leaps onto me, and hugs me tightly, “Oh, Geo! I’m so sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
I raise her and set her off of me. “You? The feck do you have to be sorry fer? I’m the one who attacked you, yer sister, yer student, yer people, hell. I even attacked Discord, and he’s the closest thing to an equal ya feckin’ got!”
“GEO!”
“Ohshitniceseeingyougottagonowtoodles!” I grab my Mega Stones, pat Celly on the head, and quickly make like a Mexican in front of the Border Wall, and Dig my way to salvation.
I end up dropping into the armory, and proceed to run. I hear a loud crash behind me, and I begin to worry if I may end up needing new pants before the evening’s over with.
I cover up my tracks with a quick Smokescreen, which I still breath out, by the way, and Fly my way to freedom. I feel a sharp pain in my stomach suddenly, and lose all ability to remain aloft.
“Oh bugger.”
I plummet to the ground. I quickly contort myself, and prepare the best fall-breaking technique in the world. “Sky… DROP!”
The superhero landing. Really is hard on the knees, though.
I look up, to see Luna holding a magic-based sword in her hand. It’s aimed at my forehead.
“For all you’ve done… I should kill you here.”
“... Do it, then. Kill me.”
She looks surprised.
“I have committed horrible, horrible deeds. You are the ruler of the nation. It is up to you to decide if that is my punishment. I acted out of base instinct, and rabid impulses, like the fool I am. So, kill me.”
“Are you mocking me?”
“No. But if you are to kill me, then do not mock me. Either move your blade away from my face, or shut up and stab me.”
She glares at me. I glare right back.
“I…”
“SISTER, NO!” A golden wave throws Luna’s blade away from me, and Luna herself is grabbed and held in the sky. I look around for the caster, and feel Celestia latch onto me again.
“Please, sister! I can help him! You don’t have to kill him! Please! I made this mistake! Let me fix it!”
I look to her, “Celestia…”
Luna snarls, and grabs her sister, tearing her away from me, before materializing a very large axe. “HE HAS RUINED YOU, SISTER! He has wormed his way into your mind, and you have broken over it! He runs away for one week, and you’re reduced to this!”
“One week? What the hell? Whaddya mean, one week? I musta been gone for only about a couple hours, at best! No way that Arceus kept me away that… long… oh bugger.” The reconstruction. The remaking of my body. I should’ve known it would take more time than that! I should’ve!
“Can you not see, sister? He’s all the better for it! He did not try to engage you in battle! He ran!”
“He is a coward! Now he has simply shown his true colors!”
I glare, “Okay, I take offense ta that one!”
“Silence, cur! You are nothing but a fool! You have torn apart my sister and left her a wreck! I refuse to allow you to live any longer!” I clock her with a Power-Up Punch. At this point, I don’t give a fuck.
“SHUT!” Another punch.
“YOUR!” Another.
“FUCKING!” Another.
“MOUTH!” I finish. I look at her face. Cheek bashed in, eye bruised. She’ll recover.
“I… am so damn tired. Tired of fighting without a purpose. Tired of getting worked up at the slightest provocation. Tired of acting like some overgrown schoolyard bully… Either kill me… Or don’t. Those are your choices. So… if yer gonna do it…” I raise my hands wide. “Ya better do it with yer best shot.”
Luna glares, and a magic spear appears.
My stomach groans in pain, but she hadn’t even moved yet. I collapse, and unbutton my shirt.
Merda. My stomach has a large scar. A scar shaped like a jagged reptile iris.
The Maintenance. Its tail blade.
“Geo!”
“It’s fine. Now… you’ve got an easy target… Don’t ya Luna?”
She puffs, and the spear angles itself there.
Celestia raises her hand, and tries to protest. “LUNA-”
“SHUT UP, CELLY!” I roar at her. “This… is what she needs. Let her have it.”
Luna stares.
The spear rotates in place, like she wants to drill me through with it. Its blade gleams in the light.
She stares.
My stomach throbs. I almost lose my balance, but my tail keeps me standing.
She stares. I huff, and smoke exits my mouth.
“Why?”
“Hm?”
“Why won’t you fight BACK!?” She opts to smack me with her fist on the chest. She keeps on doing so, wailing and screaming. “WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY!?”
I stare at her. She’s crying, too. “Why? You always fought for your life. Your freedom. Your sense of self. Why are you giving up? FIGHT ME! Die with honor, at least!”
I shake my head. “There is no such thing as an honorable death. It’s a lie made by cowards… to send the fools to the grave… And I just said… I’m tired… of fighting… pointless… battles… OhboyhereIgo-”
