- Member Since 13th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen 7 hours ago
CarcinoGeneticist
I mostly post mature works. There may still be some worksafe posts though. For my non-pony smut works visit my Ao3 page.
CarcinoGeneticist
Joined 13th Jun, 2012 ·
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This is going to the top of my read later list. The premise bears too much of a striking resemblance to a scene in one of my stories to pass up reading this. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png
How I have waited for this moment.
And still I want more!
Great start to the story!
Favoriting and upvoting! Definitely looking forward to some more.
I like it!
And it is wonderfully refreshing to again come across a well-written story with sex just another aspect, if an admittedly large one.
Ah, what the hell, I'll give it a shot.
-Mis
well color me interested
whatever color that is...
And guess what happened the next night... XD
Great story so far. I may or man not have read the line “…And last but not least… a toast to me! Because I’m just always that awesome.” and asked one of my friends what the hell he was doing in your story. Also, the lipstick part had me pounding my desk laughing. That was hilarious.
princess Celestia is twilight velvet.....am i right? if you are cool with fulfilling my need to guess an entire plot by just its short description.
2474950
That would be interesting, if it wasn't for the fact that Twilight Velvet and Celestia have been in the same room before, three times now.
2475561
Shadow clone no jutsu!
2475566
MORE! Shadow clone no jutsu!
I need more of this story!
2475757
Lucky you, I just posted more!
And suddenly, featured. Concept proven.
2475802
You very well may be right. That's really interesting. I suppose it makes some sense, a rule like that ensures that it's stories of at least some substance that make it to the feature box.
Oh well, nice to have that little bonus. Thanks for the tip.
Well, this is still getting good! Must follow!
Why do I get the feeling Celestia is going to have him guard something so stupid until he realizes what Celestia is trying to teach him?
Looks like Velvet's only gonna get more into it later. If you know what I mean...
Thanks for an amazing story, man. Hope to get MUCH more from it.
Maybe if NL had told Velvet what the private asked him that morning she would have understood.
Good GOD this story. Now I see where Twilight (Sparkle) gets her adorable-ness from!
Keep it up! Can't wait for more!
Ah, Celestia. That pony sniffs out relationship blockages like a bloodhound on the trail...
Yes.
All I can say is...
OHMYGODYETAKEALMYMONEYILOVEYOUSOMUCHHAVEMYBABIIIIEEEEES!
In breif.
I appluad you, a lot.
2475561 cool seems i was wrong, might read this one :)
i do this now with almost everything since alot of things have become cliche and alot of the times you can guess the whole plot going in. which makes it boring to me.
I was a little bit off-put by the mention of changelings. My impression from A Canterlot Wedding was that nopony had even heard of them before the invasion. Still, that's a nitpick, and it doesn't really affect anything.
I approve of this story greatly, and I eagerly await further developments.
something tells me that Night Light is going to meet up with Molestia later
I am intrigued by the description.............so I will put everything else on hold and start this one!!!
2476540 I am thinking the same thing.
Nothing!! He's in the military!!! After a drunk night out, two hours late is early!!! I should know, I was three hours late this morning and my Flt Sgt asked why I wasn't still in bed!!
2476589 Yeah, if the quthor doesn't have Molestia say to him 'Prepare your anus' than I'll be surprised. either way, sometime in the near future, Night Light is gonna get raped by Molestia or Twilight Velvet, who ironically looks like the original Twilight, the way she is described.
...............this stallion needs a slap!!
Hmm..........depending on where you take this, it may end up as part of my head canon. Do you accept the challenge?
The fact that Night Light's friends don't respect the effort he puts into his job makes me a bit sad. I don't really know how Pommel could come to the conclusion that wanting to make your shift on time and not getting arrested for disorderly conducted somehow implies Night Light hero-worships the princess.
2476689
I cant but find myself agreeing with this and while I understand Night Light might be a workaholic Pommel just seems to be disturbed with the idea of taking your job seriously.
That aside I am really liking it so far and I hope to see more from you soon.
Vodka Martin, shaken not stirred
2476629 Oh, my friend was 10 minutes late and 'Seal Clubbing' happened. Seal Clubbing, is hard to explain.
Damn... you made him a dick!
2476689 I do get Night Light's reactions with Pommel and think Night has a point. However, I think that's where Velvet has a point. She does her work, and she might put in overtime all the time she gets her job done. However, to Night that doesn't seem to be enough and she needs to be more like him and a workoholic. To me, I read it as they were all a little wrong and all a little right. We have two extremes, Pommel and Night, and then someone who I think appears to be the median: Velvet.
At least those are my thoughts.
(Own thoughts)
This is story, so far, is really good. The characters are interesting and well thought out. It's perfect.
The only problem I see, is that you may go down some rather 'nasty and cliche' roads.
First off, I totally see where Night is coming from. Seeing the new recruits worry and apprehension would affect anyone, and help set a better self-image. (Although, Night is kind of pushing it, yelling at Velvet and being all strict.) But right before the letter, we see him change his mind. That he would go still, because they were his friends.
The story is set, and here are my fears.
1: I have a distinct fear that this is going to involve a Molestia vibe. Which does get me. Since, the monarch of the show doesn't strike me as such.
Granted, you could kind of use this, probably for a comedy. But you're going for a more serious tone, so I have apprehension.
The big problem with this is that, yes, this could throw him into Velvet's hooves and to get out more, but we already know he was about to do so.
So, in a sense, Celestia just prolonged the three's suffering and is about to bring more upon them.
2: The second and bigger problem that may or may not occur, is the whole 'we're not going to talk or acknowledge you' thing that often happens in squabbles like these. Those always got annoying fast and just made 'facedesk' hard, because we know they're going to work it out. The sooner, the better. (And especially over how stupid this problem is. Night Light doesn't want to go out drinking. Fine. Can't they go out and do something else? Actually, why don't they? Is getting drunk so important? Getting drunk is stupid people, it kills your braincells, causing 'hangovers', and makes you seem like a slut or idiot. Sometimes both. That's why I'm never going to drink.)
(and the big moron named Shining.))
The other problem that occurs, is when their is a 'girlfriend or loveinterest' involved. This gets me even more, because we know she likes him, but instead of talking it out, she'll go and be slutty around some other boy, either to irritate her 'real love', or actually find someone else. (It'll be more infuriating cause we know they're going to get married and have Twilight
I know Twilight Velvet is above such things and would still try and be there for Night.
_________________________________________
(Side note) It's probably just me, but I always saw both of Twilight's parents as studious bookworms, kind of like their daughter. As well, as light as it comes to drinking. (I don't think pour Twilight could handle one glass before passing out.
Surely that's hereditary.)
Again, this is your story. Do whatever you see fit, and stick to your own devices. I'm just stating my opinion.
You know i have a feeling i know exactly whats going to happen next chapter
. 
hehehe i'll inform if i was right
*Before Reading* Yes I'm not the only one to think her parent's worked for Celestia prior to their marriage!
That would be because you're being a sanctimonious douchebag, Night Light
I dearly hope there's a moment where Celestia demands that he remove the stick. Preferably while she, herself, is three sheets to the wind wasted.
That would be hilarious.
Dat cover pic.
2475802 Concept?
2477624
I'm not really sure what you mean by a "Molestia" vibe. If you mean literally 'abuses her position to literally molest ponies under her rule' then no, that's not what's (going to be) going on here. 'Molestia' is a character created by JJ, bearing little to no resemblance to Celestia, created purely for laughs and dirty humor.
In any case I feel confident in saying you need not be concerned.
2478008
We were discussing a theory over on my blog that the feature box never displays any stories with less than 4k words. I (loosely) tested this theory by leaving my first chapter up overnight by itself, at just over 3k, and saw no feature box, but within half an hour of posting chapter two the next morning, there it was.
Hardly irrefutable proof or anything, but it certainly lends credence to the theory.
dis gon b gud
Dose shameless 007 references. Me will read dis late'ah.
Twilight's reaction is too . . . mild, to say the least. Try saying what Night said to a real girl, even one as forward as Velvet. You will lose her as a friend. Also, the whole friendship triangle does not scale well in time. At all. 15 years of those two knowing each other and that's the first time Night mentioned out loud Velvet's actual intentions of 'seducing' him? I'm afraid that's just not believable. That is, if I read it correctly.
15 months, yes, but 15 years . . . hell no. Again, do a mental exercise and try to simulate in your head a friendship like that, that spans on the course of 15 years. It's a little bit tricky but if you do it step by step, you'll figure out how wrong you were when throwing those numbers there. A lot of times I see mistakes like these in assessing how characters and relations between them develop over long periods of time. Velvet's been into him since they met? Imagine just one year (12 months, 356 days) seeing each other almost daily. It would have been impossible for them NOT to have a conversation like that, probably very early in that year as well.
Also, the way Velvet talks with him at the bar (the whole name our foal like that) and his whole reaction that follows (That’s right, he recalled, his best friend Twilight Velvet had just gotten her promotion, and their other best friend Pommel had insisted on a celebratory night out.) is a rather strong contrast to have right at the beginning, especially when you are setting the characters up. Needless to say, I was rather confused of their relationship status during the whole chapter, following that rather peculiar line. Also, the blowjob attempt was rather poorly handled. Given the fact that he never talked with her about dating in 15 years, a reader could take it as a normal thing. I can imagine other drunk nights when Velvet ends up dry-humping a rather unfazed Night Light while he's carrying his drunken friend back to the barracks. "The shit I have to put up with," muttered Night, trying to ignore the damp spot on his hind thigh and the very energetic mare clinging to him. See? it's not quite believable.
You may consider these nitpicks, but for me (and probably others that aren't following this just for the porn), they form a rather big discrepancy in the plot. Again, if I've misread any of the time variables, please correct me (it is rather late here). The story promises a lot, and you can turn this into a very good read (not just clop), if you straighten out the emotional reactions and relationship time scaling.
Is every chapter going to have a Bond reference?
I have a feeling that Night Light is about to find out how much of a pony Celestia really is?
2478251
You read it incorrectly. Night Light and POMMEL have been friends for 15 years. Their friendship with Twilight Velvet is much newer. I haven't yet stated explicitly how long they've been friends, but if you'll look again at this line:
The implication here (and perhaps not a clear enough one, I'm willing to admit) is that this is a linear chain of events; as in, they are already out of school, through boot camp, and climbing the ranks of officers in the Royal Guard before meeting Twilight Velvet. So you can approximate from this that Velvet has been their friend for, oh.....maybe two to three years. Five at the most.
interesting story so far! gonna be interesting to see what the nation's most closely guarded secret is. also gonna be funny to say twilight and NOT mean sparkles.