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Comment posted by Chuckfinley deleted at 10:27pm on the 16th of December, 2012
Comment posted by Isseus deleted at 10:27pm on the 16th of December, 2012

Hm. Commence read.

:rainbowlaugh:

Well onto counseling.  

So here we go again. Another erotic/sex story. Not very high on the cloppiness scale, at least not yet.

Thanks to my awesome pre-readers Straves and rioichi, and my lovely editor, ChuckFinley. :twilightsmile:

How far in a minor does she get? I can't read the story until this question is answered.

>>1810866 This chapter contains only consenting adults. So will the rest.

>>1810866

My interests; this is relevant to them.

Oh, wow. Poor Cadance. Poor Shiny. I have my suspicions as to what is wrong, but I will eagerly wait for the continuation to find out.

This is very well-written, and I couldn't spot any tense trouble - definitely unusual for a fic written in present tense.

I did spot two mistakes:

"The stallion gets up from his chair with shaking limbs, and manags to climb" -> "manages"

"The doctor looks up from her clipboard and rests her ching on her hooves" -> "chin"

Oh, and I don't think horses have foreskins; the sheath is the analogous structure.

>>1810936 Fantasy horses? Please? Give me foreskins?

Nah. Fixed along with the typos. Thanks :twilightblush:

I like the premise, so far. I'm actually surprised I haven't seen it done quite like this already. Keeping an eye on the story.

(Joke) Alt. Title: Cadence In A Mirror's Edge

Well, anything's better then what Shinning Armour hasn't been putting up nowadays.

Congrats on feature!

>>1810964

Fantasy horses? Please? Give me foreskins?
You know, taken out of context, that just might be the most disturbing yet awesome quote I've ever come across. :trollestia:

>>1811456

*Hipster glasses* I liked this before it was featured.

Not bad, not bad.  I'll definitely keep up with this story's development.

Well likely a mental block. Guilt likely. He had sex with a false Cadence so that is what he sees now.

>Cadance in a minor

>shining fantasizing about barely legal mares

>cadance in a minor

Please no pedoshining...

maybe he's worried that the spark has gone out

Hmm, a story centered around sex whilst not being overly cloppy and keeping the characters sounding and acting like themselves...

I think I'll keep my eye on this.

I knew I should have done this... Ever since S3 was announced, I had this running joke that the first chapter's dilemma would be about Shining and Cadance having trouble in the bedroom and it would be up to the Mane 6 and the Elements of Harmony to get things back in, well... harmony. XD

Oh well, it's interesting seeing a sex-related story that (at least so far) touches the subject but doesn't quite involve the act itself. I'll track this for the time being.

>>1811960

I see no issue with this.

>>1812247 you never know, before marriage it just feels fun. after sometimes it feels like it doesn't feel quite restrictive anymore because sometimes after marriage the spark can go out. I heard of worse marriages ending after 2 weeks, yup. 2 weeks.

Sadly, this is completely relevant

To the people commenting about the 'a minor' in the title, I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure that 'A Minor' is meant as a musical reference (Like, G Major, C Minor, that sorta stuff) not as in, an individual who is a minor xD

Peppy Pickle? :pinkiesmile:

Sassy Swallow? :unsuresweetie:

Those are some of the best character names I've ever cum come across while reading fanfiction. :raritystarry:

I'm liking this story.  The fact that it's written in present tense took a moment to adjust to, but that's my only real complaint.

Ok...I am definitely following this :rainbowlaugh:

It's too hilarious and sexually awkward to pass up!

THIS AMUSES THE COMPENDIUM. PLEASE CONTINUE.

U are a champion my friend cant wait for a new chapter

"It's just that... you... have something on you chin."

Hahahaha, when I read that part, that just made me laugh.

Awesome story, hope to see more.

You now have another follower.

I sort of have to favorite this now, don't I.

Bugger.

You know, I never thought about the psychological impact for Shining regarding what Chrysalis did to him.  THis is a rather...unique and amusing approach to it.

>>1811960

Not sure if you're joking or have figured out otherwise, but I don't like misinformation and will still attempt to correct it.

I believe the title was meant to be like a musical term to go with her name being, well, Cadence. So it's 'A Minor' (Like G Major or D Minor) not the indefinite article a minor (as in underage).

Hope that helps, and, well, if you had already figured this out, then sorry for having bothered you, especially since it's 1am right now... :twilightblush:

Oh, and to say something of the story, I really enjoyed it. Just as a few others have said, it's not gratuitously cloppy and keeps a nice charming quality to it. Great work!

It is the bedroom that the third princess. Mi Amore Cadenza, or less formally, Cadance, calls her home.
First period should be a comma.

I take care of my armor for years, and I don't think I can let go of it just yet.
"take" should be "took"

When we go married.
Your t ran away. I found it in my yard. And you owe me a new azalea.

On a serious note, this premise actually made a fair amount of sense. Well crafted.

>>1812295 Guilty as charged. :twilightblush:

>>1814198 Thanks. All of those were last minute changes. Le Sigh. FIMFiction's moderation approval has moved from 6 hours to 15 minutes, it seems.

One of the few truly "mature" fanfics here. Funny, yet heartfelt, a bit tragic and honest. And I think I sense a bit of a Pratchett influence in it, which is always good (correct me if I am wrong).

I hope it remains as intelligent and introspective as it started. I will certainly fav it.

When I first read the title my mind immediately created an image of futa-Cadance banging Twilight back when she was her babysitter.......does that make me a terrible person?

>>1814485 Yeah. N-n-no pressure... r-right? Hehe..eh...

And of course it's influenced by Pratchett. He taught me how to love reading.

>>1814557 Nothing worse than what I could come up with. I just worry so much that the things that are planned are gonna break so many people's hearts. And minds. <3

I am SO following this :rainbowlaugh:

The beginning made me think of the monks in "Mort" (pratchett) that were experts in 'listening'

I'm interested to see where you take this, and I don't have any gripes so far other than in the beginning when you introduce Shining Armor as 'Captain Shining Armor'. I know that 95% of all readers are familiar with the show, but I don't think it would hurt to put either "Captain of the Royal Guard" or just Prince Shining Armor.

Unless you want to put him as "Consort to Her Royal Highness, Shining Armor", that's all well and good too :raritywink:

>>1814127

I was hoping. I know A Minor is a musical term, I was just really hoping this wasn't an awful pun, considering Shining seems to be interested in barely legal ponies.

I guess you could say that it's...

(Sunglasses)

A diminished cadence.

YEEEEAAAAHH!

I am so, so sorry about that.

Anyway, just a little heads-up: you should probably go over the site version of the chapter. For some reason, the site sometimes likes to throw in hard returns for no reason at all. It comes up in the edit page as an extra space for some reason. Anyway, you should probably get that fixed.

Glorious :pinkiehappy:

The name for that type of silence is written with the foreign letters of "Death", "Failure" and "Wet Noodle" mashed up together. It doesn't translate well.

best part :rainbowlaugh:

Brilliant! This is what irreverent and quirky Mature should look like.

Minor notes:

he mounts one of the mares in her mind = should this be his?

have something on you chin = should be your

>>1815201 Thanks Kai. Fixed the typos. I always mess up with the him/her things. Bloody English.

>>1815208

Thanks yourself - surprisingly few people catch the Kai reference!

Also, echoing previous comments, "Cadence In A Minor" in a Mature / Sex tagged story sounds so wrong, so you get bonus points for the deliciously misleading pun, intentional or not.

Was the title meant to be spelled differently? Cadence in the title, Cadance in the description? If so, I assume it's continuing the play on the "A Minor" musical theme.

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