After getting herself into big trouble and causing one of her sister´s friends to temporarily lose her home, Applebloom has to face the music.
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Isseus
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Yeah. Uhm... Hi everypony?
My first submission to FIMfiction and also the longest story I´ve written in a long while. It was a nice change of pace writing in English, as it isn´t my native language. I´ll happily take up all the criticism you have to offer.
Pretty good for your first fic in English, I like it.
Hey, this is pretty good. There are a few typos that you might want to fix. Like when Twilight finds out her favorite book burned, you switch between "he" and "she" and "his" and "her" multiple times. You also have two apostrophes together towards the end. Finally, I felt that Applejack's sudden change of heart was far too abrupt, and emotion was all over the place on the part of Applejack and Applebloom as well. Not sure how to fix that, though.
Well considering that was your first fic in English, that was pretty good. And I agree with O'Malley, you did catch on pretty well to AJ's accent. Couple of things I'd suggest, though.
1) cut down a bit on the apostrophes in Applejack's dialogue (and consequently Applebloom's and any other Apple)
-i.e. when you say I'm/Ah'm, since you're already in her accent, you could probably get away with Ahm.
-A sidenote while we're on the accent thing, people who speak the accent sometimes say ya'll, even when talking to one person.
2) watch for missed quotation marks and if there's a thought mid-paragraph, include your thought format, otherwise it can get kinda confusing.
Again, great work. I enjoyed reading the story.
hay a avatar buddy
Thanks to everypony who decided to give my story a read. I´m really happy to hear you liked it.
>>Blitz the Dragon: I just read through that book chapter. Oh dear. Easy to fix thought. Thanks.
About that sudden change of heart, my thinking was that AJ didn´t want to hurt Applebloom from the beginning, but her stress and anger, and the expectations she placed on herself as a big sister were making her act in a way she didn´t want to. She was carrying a big load on her mind in this chapter, but she´s not one to openly admit such things. That´s why she felt so confused and lost, and needed her friend to remind her to decide for yourself what´s best for her sibling.
>>Flutterkiin 1) Never tried using that Southerner accent before. Pretty satisfied how it came out though. =). I tried using an apostrophe only when there would be an audible stop in speech. That just doesn´t translate well into written format as it looks pretty cluttered. That mighty ya´ll feels quite alien to me still, have to study more.
2) no no no no NO NO NO NO I can´t find it! And yeah about using italics on thought passages. I used them when I wrote the text out in wordpad but the formating didn´t translate over to FIMfiction and I had to manually add the italic formatting. Missed a few though, I had been writing for 9 hours straight at the time. :p
>> pleaseworkforonce *brofacehoof*
Im glad Appljack made the right choice.
It would have upset little Applebloom to see her sister being sent to hell, even if was only for a few months.
but...
it seems as though a certian Princess and I need to have a little talk..
and perhaps a little game....
Really loved this. The entire story was full of emotions and life lessons. So glad that Twilight stopped Applejack from making the biggest mistake in her life. She would have regretted it forever. When parents whip you like that some part of you will never be able to forgive that person. For English not being your first language you did a fantastic job. I couldn't even tell until I read your note. Great job on this story it was really beautiful.
676621
Aww shucks. Now ya made me blush.
adorable
Aww, poor Applebloom.
Or is it Apple Bloom? (I think it is the latter, but I feel like spelling her Applebloom myself, too.)
She really felt bad about that mistake, even though the burns she got from the whole ordeal were already bad enough. It was also good to see that Applejack (one word
) did not blindly follow her families "tradition" when it was pretty obvious that her sister had learned her lesson long ago.
Nice story.
1354176 Oh yeah, this story still exists. I wrote it such a long time ago, I kinda left it here to see how far I've come since then. I cringe when I read it, but still, there is a sweet sense of nostalgia I get with it. I guess it has its place in the world.
1354259
I know, it feels strange getting comments on a story written months ago.
Or years ago...
Though, from experience latter fanfics tend to be good and enjoyable reading them for yourself again. Makes you realize that the time spent writing them was really worth it.
Finally got around to reading this story. I really like it, though I think Celestia is evil. I'm not going to say uncharacteristically evil, based on Twilight's fear of any kind of punishment from her during the series however.
1480857 She wasn't evil.I think she was the perfect parent/guardian, making sure her charge learned her lesson, without actually doing anything harmful 2to her. We can see that Twily still remembers the lesson, but there are no scars or trauma about it, unlike what would have happened with Apple Bloom. That was the contrast I was trying to bring to the solution.
It was a good story. For a first attempt, quite good. And in a foreign language, to boot. It's an excellent first attempt.
Others have pointed out the grammar and Applejack's accent, so I won't go into detail. Ya'll is a great one to know. So useful. Down here in Southern USA (Cajun Country - Louisiana), we use it all the time. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I guess I'm the only one to disagree with the basic premise - that a spanking somehow causes irreparable harm to a parent-child relationship (or big sister-child). As stubborn as Applejack is, I expected her to stick with her guns, Twilight's protest and all, particularly after Applebloom's insistence. I also had the thought that Twilight might have Applejack spank her, to make it even worse for Applebloom. Apart from a disappointing ending, the story is otherwise very good.
You shouldn't focus on my opinions that hard, though. They are just that. Each person will interpret each character in their own way. I've been told my characterization of Fluttershy is far different than most.
The part with Celestia was very interesting. I enjoyed the flashbacks. I also thought Celestia was a little out of character, but she served as a good plot device to continue along the line of the story. You actually gave me an idea with the second, more serious one. Permission to use the name Iron Sight in a future story?
There's little in this story that is unnecessary. Which is the mark of something truly well-written. It's a very nice one-shot that gets a point across and does it efficiently. The only unfortunate part of this is that I felt very little emotionally while reading it. It was a good read and enjoyable enough, but it's not really something that will stick with me in the future. Other than the main point of the story - which I said before, the basic premise I happen to disagree with.
But overall it's very nice, but lacking that emotional element, arguably the most critical thing in writing.
1508354 If I were to write this story today, it would be vastly different. But that's exactly the reason why I haven't taken it down or changed it; I want to see how far I've come as a writer. I want to read it once in a while, grimace at the grammar, ponder the poor plot etc.
The story was never meant to be about spankings, but about how different parents choose to raise their children. Some use physical violence, some mental or emotional, but in the end, which is truly the more dangerous? It's also about having the courage to change the way you think after your whole life, and if it's even possible. I know neither of these points come across too well, if at all. That's one of the reasons I said I might write this completely differently now. There would be more flashbacks about AJ and her parents, there would be more conversation between AJ and Twi, and the whole ending might be different.
But there's so much more to this for me. It was my first story that I let anyone read. Ever. I've written story ideas down for years, imagined stories around them, but never had a place to put them. And because of the great people on this site, I wasn't crushed, but given a load of new tools and ideas to work with. And I'll never take the story down.
Oh and Iron Sight is kinda my OC, as in my pony persona. I'd rather keep him.
665502 English isn't your native language?
You have better English than most people on this site who originally are from America! 
Also, really good fic.
Hey, Isseus, time to dredge up old painfully embarrassing memories by critiquing this little piece.
Okay, first off, it's really not fair that you're so good with english from practically the very beginnings of your illustrious career. That said, comparing this to some of your latest works, like my much loved Cadance in A Minor, you can see the distinct improvement in your quality of writing. Picking out specific details to support this assertion is a bit beyond my level right now. The most I can give is some general comment about improved story flow and maybe making the characters interact more naturally.
Ultimately, I just don't think it's possible to read a story like this without the perceptions of the content affecting how its received. I just deleted about 2 paragraphs of my thoughts on spankings to sum it up to this; I was spanked as a child, I actually think far MORE of my parents because of it, and I support spanking as a punishment provided it is done with love as its motivator.
Applebloom did irreparable damage doing something she knew she shouldn't have done, and endangered herself and the entire town in the process. To me that warrants spanking, though AJ definitely needed to take time to cool off so that she could be sure she was spanking Applebloom as an act of punishment, and not as an act of violence.
AJ's description of her own spanking struck me as odd, not from the severity of the spanking, but that her father left her there alone afterwards. The physical pain seemed almost secondary to the sense of abandonment that I felt from that scene. I suppose theoretically she might have simply not heard him say something like "now i want you to stay here until you've thought about what you did and what you'll do in the future. Come inside when you're ready to tell me what you've learned." which would have entirely changed how this scene came across to me.
Despite that, I found it particularly vexing that Twilight would simply jump to "Do you want Applebloom to fear and hate you like you fear and hate your dad?" all I could think was "say what now, sugarcube?" and kept wondering why Applejack didn't correct this obvious miss-assumption on Twilight's part. When she DIDN'T correct her, I was left wondering if AJ actually DID hate her dad, but from my own experience with spanking, I felt this seemed a bit out of place, so that left me very conflicted.
When Twilight came up with her own punishment story, I just felt completely underwhelmed. Twilight had only endangered herself, and not even specifically while doing something she wasn't supposed to, just that she wasn't being as careful as she should have been. Furthermore she didn't do any damage to anyone else or put anyone else in danger (except possibly political scandal of the princess's ward breaking her neck while under her care) so the idea that this warranted spanking was already pretty thin.
However the "punishment" Celestia used was to allow a filly who had only just recovered from a bad fall to think that she was being shipped back home over a simple mistake, essentially to make her think she was being abandoned. AJ was responding along the lines of "wow, that was crafty" and I was going "wow, that was totally not a cool thing to do and seems far more traumatizing and emotionally damaging than a simple spanking, and maybe this explains why you are such a freaking mental case when it comes to figuring out what type of punishments Celestia would come up with if you mess up, Twilight."
So then we finally get to the scene where AJ is going to take a switch to Applebloom, and then she chickens out. I wanted to facepalm, then give AJ a good shake. Especially after Applebloom actually asked for it, since to her it was a connection to her parents that she barely knew. For Luna's sake, AJ, it's not like you have to go full force and the entire day, you can go light and only use a few strokes if you feel that less is justified, but just beat your bucking sister already! Otherwise it again brings up the sense that Applebloom is being excluded from or abandoned by a very important aspect of her own family.
So the goal of the story was more to present having the strength to turn away from tradition and choose her own path. I agree with that sentiment, but I just don't feel this did a proper job at presenting a case where turning from tradition is actually warranted. Particularly in the case of AJ, who both values traditions, and also understands that sometimes dirty jobs need done whether you like doing it or not. The only issue I really felt as being a valid reason for not switching bloom was simply that AJ didn't really want to do it, but I just don't see her as the type to turn away from a necessary task for a reason as simple as that. Ultimately I was left feeling that AJ's character had been undermined considerably.
So yeah, despite the rougher quality of writing, and the fact that I almost dislike this as much as I like Cadance in A Minor, you still manage to present a story with an emotionally charged and controversial topic in a way that I can't help but pick it apart and look for some underlying unspoken issues that may or may not be present. Impressive.
2555815 Whoah, Nelly. There's a lot to cover here it seems.
First off, I don't like how Apple Family Way came out. It's rushed, it's all over the place, the topics and ideas contradict each other all the time. Pretty much everything you said about it is wrong. And you know what? AB WAS GOING TO GET SPANKED! I just chickened out at the end, because I wanted to show your exact points, but the there were two things that stopped me at the last moment.
First, this is Equestria. Whether we got the switch as kids is besides the point, because ponies would never resort to violence to solve problems. I have no problem with spankings if done right, but they don't fit my idea of Equestria.
The second is, when I wrote Apple Bloom, how she was shivering and scared as heck, having just been pulled out from a life threatening situation, and then being forced to go get her switch, I just could bring myself to do it. She's so damn cute, and she'd learned her lesson hundredfold.
Would smacking her rump have made it a better lesson? Dunno. At least she'd remember that the first/only spanking she got was for a very good reason? Should AJ have given her a light spanking to make her feel like she belonged to the family? Could be, but that would also take away from the severity of the punishment. The main idea I had about this story was to make AJ think the way she was raised in a new light that Twilight shines on the story. Are all traditions worth keeping around? I think that doing something because it's always been done that way isn't a good answer to anything. If it works, sure, don't fix it, but always be ready to re-evaluate the situation.
I've debated probably a hundred times whether I should remove AFW from the site or give it a major re-write, because it's so badly written. But, I'll never do it, because it reminds me of where I started. That was the first story I'd written and actually posted anywhere. It's damn short for a story that could have taken five times as much time to play out at a comfortable pace. Let's not even talk about the grammar. I mean, holy shit...
And I'll never remove it. Because I love it just the way it is. And will never re-write it.
Okay, I gotta fault this on two points.
Twilight's childhood accident was just that; an accident. One that literally could have happened to anyone. She didn't take some ridiculous risk, she just leaned out over a balcony railing. Celestia putting her through all that-- as if Twilight had fallen out of the balcony ON PURPOSE-- was sadistic and cruel. Not to mention rather out of character for a very forgiving character like her.
And Applebloom? Damn, Applejack, she nearly DIED. in a FIRE. I think she's gone through enough already!
2820058 Both "accidents" were caused by the foals. They were being irresponsible, thoughtless or just careless, all of which are things that get people hurt. They had to learn to think before acting. How many times do you think each of them have been told "Don't go on a balcony alone/ Don't lean over the edge / Don't play inside / Near fire" The only time I would ever approve of corporal punishment is when the child has put herself in danger. That's the nightmare of every parent everywhere and it deserves the most severe punishment possible.
This story is well over a year old, and it's my first. I'm usually very good at taking critique, but this one's a touchy subject...
2821292
This fic is going on my 'Read Later' pretty much based on this comment alone.
I've been struggling with backlash over a similar subject on Sisterly Guidance, and I am curious to how my own fic differs from this one over corporal punishment (hence my desire to read it). This one does seem to be well received, based on the likes/dislike ratio, so my intrigue deepens.
2853701 Just remember it was my very first fic and the first time I'd written anything more than an email in English for 10 years. You may be disappointed...
If you want to read something more I wrote about corporal punishment and the psychology behind it, check out Dominant Ideal
This was such a sweet read! While I'd normally disagree with avoiding a well deserved spanking, the Apples' method certainly sounds extreme. Twilight helped AJ realizing that fear was a proper motivator was not an outcome I could disagree with. I think those sisters will be just fine.
I enjoyed the small bits of humour, too! The patient Apple Bloom part made me snicker pretty hard!
Youveearned a watch in return for watching me earlier! I'll read that other fic you mentioned tomorrow. Cheers!
2858069 Cheers! I'm happy you liked it even despite the ending. To be honest, I was actually going to end this fic with a spanking that left both AB and AJ feeling awful and then reconciling. Why I didn't?
Simply because of this:
How could I hurt someone so cute!?!?
2858563
It's okay, I can hurt that myself
2858569 M-MEANIE!
Did you notice my co-authored story Payback Is A Switch? Was featured for a few days.
Only set-up for now but you might get a kick out of it.
2858593
i did indeed, but got so much to read now!
Applejack's right Twilight, it's none of your business.
I'd just like to toss up a data point, to counter the common sentiment of "I was spanked as a child and I turned out fine."
I was spanked as a child, I hated it, and I still hate it.
After a spanking, I'd behave myself well outwardly, but on the inside, I just stewed with betrayal and hatred toward my parents. I would also like to add that my cousin received similar treatment, and had similar sentiments - at one point after being spanked (for what I unquestionably agreed was bad behaviour) and sent to his room I was witness to him taking a picture of his parents and smashing it. (Don't know if this action had any consequences later; it happened out of sight of his parents and he may have disposed of the evidence somehow.)
Being hit only taught me that, when things get far enough out of line, my parents are willing to deliberately cause me pain. How can that not make me question their love? How can that not make me hate them?
The "lesson" isn't any such thing; if I understand that my actions were wrong, then the spanking is unnecessary and cruel, and serves no pedagogic purpose; if I think I was right all along and my parents' judgement of right and wrong is in error, then I'm being hurt because of their mistake.
I suppose there is a very limited sliver of applicability where the child believes themselves to be in the right, but is still doing a very wrong/dangerous action, in which case the threat of spanking may correct the behaviour until the child fully understands the wrongness of their action. But even then, things like chores, time outs, groundings, etc. are far more effective in the long term.
Apple Bloom knew her actions were wrong. Holy hell, did she ever know. What possible purpose could spanking serve at this point? It can't teach anything; the lesson is already learnt and absorbed. At that point, spanking is just pain for the sake of pain. Cruel.
4030294 couldn't agree more, spankings are wrong, bla bla bla, hate the parents after that, bla bla bla, I don't have to type it anymore 'cause you did! And therefore I thank you.
4647612 Got spanked as a kid bla bla still love my parents for setting boundaries for me bla bla bla people are different and what works for one is poison to another BLAH.
4650408 sure, it works different at different people, but people also have a different opinion about it, so yeah I don't like it (even trough I never got spanked) but yeah no offense..
Beautifully done. AJ's change of tune felt too sudden to really have much impact, but I love AB's attitude on things. Kudos to you.
4030294 I confess I fall on this side too. I was never really spanked, I can only remember it occurring twice, but even now decades later, it still bothers me. I can totally agree that sometimes a spanking may be beneficial but I stand by the attitude that negative reinforcement is almost never an effective teaching method. I feel there is almost always a better method. Will I try to stop someone? Not necesarily, it's not my kid and they have the right to raise them as they choose. But like Twilight, I would likely speak up. I know I wouldn't be comfortable being there for it.
I'm crying. This actually made me cry...
4980389 I'm both happy and quite wistful that I can get such a reaction from my first ever published fic. This is where it all started.
... 
Very touching. ^^
Y'all is spelled y'all because it's a contraction of you and all with the apostrophe dividing the two. So y'all.
I like the story. I like how Twilight helped AJ see that her parents weren't always right and that she didn't have to hurt Applebloom. I think since Applebloom was already burned by the candlewax and almost died, that she'd already been punished enough and a spanking really would have been cruel on top of it.
Se should be she
9875203 That's one of the least problems with this fic. It's seven years old, the first fic I ever wrote, and I'm darn proud of every single error in it.