Scootaloo's final thoughts as she plummets to her demise.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 15th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 4th, 2022
Scott Grimm
I just write for fun. Don't take things too seriously.
Scott Grimm
Joined 15th Oct, 2012 ·
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It's been awhile since I've seen a character voice their last thoughts in a story, but I have to say that you did a nice job of it.
Great... You killed best pony...
Puts new meaning to this emote:
ummmmm this was interesting, but, eh, too short, I could however see this as something which you could jump from into a full on story, playing out the events that lead to this, or the events that play out after, either way you have a good writing style
Man, this story is completely opposite from my story's second chapter... Its kinda hard wrapping your head around the fact that in this story, Scootaloo actually died...
If you wanna see the contradiction, title: When Worlds Collide Chapter two: The Line Between Student and Master. Great fic nonetheless! 
You switch from present to past tense halfway through. When the narrator dies, first person past really doesn't work very well. My suggestion is to keep it in present all the way through.
I'll be honest, I would've liked a follow up to this centered around Sweetie Belle and Applebloom mourning over their loss, but it is what it is.
woa.... 24 likes, 0 dislikes! im gonna read it
and now thay i have.. what seperates s good fic from a bad one is pacing, and you did it just right :) Good job xD heres a watcher you've earned
When you think about it, it should be that short, because if Scootaloo is falling from the sky, then it would be fast. Great fic btw! Loved it. A few grammatical errors here and there but for two hours, this is an EXCELLENT fic!
Meh...Stories like these have been done far to often.
Honestly, I am not surprised by the amount of likes popping up already. It's far too easy to pop a favorite character into a 'close to death' situation and press hard the feels to spur a like count. For a two hour challenge and only a little over 1k words... I feel you really didn't 'challenge' yourself all to much judging by your past stories.
For two hours this is goddamn awesome.
Congrats.
And then Rainbow saves her right . . . RIGHT !?!?!?
At first the feeling wasn't really hitting me. Was kind of like "meh" the whole time.
And then...
Oh goddammit the tears...
Short 'n' sweet; it brought a little tear to my eye, but that's the effect I was supposed to have.
The tears...
I'm giving this a 'like'!
2521092
I cried at that too...
Reminds me of someone...
...oh no...
...OH NO...
...OH. NO.
the death of innocence always rips my heart in two....*tear flows down cheek* but this made me feel dead inside im thankful this is only a short imaginary story kind of like a "what would it be like if scootaloo died" great story it will get a fav and like even thought when i look at the cover art and title my heart and soul yearn in pain
R.I.P
also i think you could very well turn this into a longer story i see a massive amount of potential in it maybe she wakes up a hospital bed and rainbow dash is there with sweetie bell and apple bloom i would hate to see this story end here and on such a tragic note
Honestly, it's simple, it's deep, it's tragic, and beautiful. Nothing captures the attention of the reader quite like the fear of one's mortality. Getting so close to such a sensitive topic (especially when the imminent death is that of a foal) forces us out of our comfort zones, which, in my opinion, is what makes the experience so real. I love your writting style. Great story!
Now excuse me while I go cry in the corner.
Dude, this is amazing, truly amazing, you did this in two hours? i wouldn't be able to pull of something this good, in two days!
I honestly think that this fanfic will have made my life a little bit better.
Thank you.
And Rainbow Dash doesn't know about this because she's at the academy?
*reads story*
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WHY MUST SHE DIE!!!!!
If anything, this type of near death experience would make a great story.
She wakes up in the hospital and, since she already expected to be dead, now has trouble coping with the idea of surviving or something like that.
2521519 That in fact the intention of the story, was to let the reader decide how it ends. Maybe Rainbow Dash comes out of nowhere and saved her with one of her famous last second rescues?
But the reason for me not, well... 'ending' the story is quite simply that people would be greatly saddened by any possible outcome I would come up with. This allows the reader to decide what really happened and be happy with it in the end.
2521464 Who can say. She may be off over at the Crystal empire watching the pony games.
And then comes the sequel: 'The Stain Scootaloo Made'.
What? Half of you were thinking it.
2520903 Woa guy's please don't down vote this guys/girls comment. They're speaking their mind and how they feel about the fic.
Yes I too have seen near death exp. fics on the site, but never have I thought for a second of doing it just for the sake of up votes. And as for the part where you say I didn't quite challenge myself, well that is all in the eye of the beholder. I myself didn't think I did a good job, especially since I made a note of it in the author notes, however it seems that others disagree with you and I.
Good for a quick read. I found a couple places where "your" should have been "you're", but grammar was pretty good otherwise. One thing that kinda stuck with me the whole time though...
You mentioned that ponies were watching in horror. In that case, is that to say that not a single pegasus saw what was happening? I'd have to believe that there would be at least one, and a moment like that would have provided enough adrenaline for even the weakest flier to rescue her. Though, that is all based on speculation, and maybe there just weren't any pegasii around. It doesn't detract from the story, it was just on my mind ever since you mentioned the other ponies watching. You get a like and favorite
Is it wierd that I thought of the opening scene from Megamind as I read this? That's kind of the feel I was getting.
Anyway, a great short story, really enjoyed it.
Keep up the good work!
ALICORN TWILIGHT IS UPSET.
Why.. why would you write this....
2521651 I don't see why I wouldn't.
2521654
It really hurt my heart. Just imagining these thoughts, her falling to her death, her final thoughts... and the last sentence... just made me... cry really hard.
2521534
Here's my version of the ending (for anyone who's interested):
I lie back, resigned on the rushing air, as I feel the ground looming large below me like an ominous shadow. The screams from below are much nearer, I can even feel magic desperately snatching at my coat but it's all too late. Every last second of my life that goes by stretches into an eternity, yet I have nothing left to do but wait - no final thoughts or prayers to say, just that strange feeling of expectation clutching at my entire body of the final blow that is about to come.
Please let it be quick...
Please don't let me suffer...
More screams ring out, I can hear Sweetie's and Applebloom's among them. My heart breaks as I think of them witnessing my end, to see my body bounce and twist, hear the snap of my bones breaking and smell my blood as it fountains from my broken body. I feel guilty for all the sleepless nights they will have, and the grief that I will cause them.
And then something slams into me. Hard. Something soft
...and warm...
I'm still alive...but I'm not falling anymore.
I dare to open my eyes. The wind is still rushing throught my mane, but it's changed direction - and there's the ground below me, it's changed direction too as if I'm flying throught the air instead of falling through it. My mind suddenly awakens, trying to make sense of what is happening as my heart begins to beat again - each new pulse sending the faintest of hope through my veins.
Fur?
It's a sea of blue fur below me, waving in the wind as we sail through the air, but unlike fur on any pony I've ever known before. It's soft and plush, and there's too little of it - as if whoever it belongs to isn't much bigger than I am.
I have no time to take in any more though. The ground is coming back, still rushing past below us but coming nearer and I screw my eyes shut, bracing myself again for the painful landing and humiliating death that I know is inevitable. I feel my body jump and bounce, but then all is still - no queasy feeling of weightlessness in my stomach, the ground hovering motionless a few inches before my eyes as I hang over the back of my rescuer.
I'm...still alive...
The world suddenly tilts violently, my head starts to spin as the shock of my would-be death catches up with me. The shouts and gasps all around me merge into a distant roar and everything in my vision goes blurry and grey as I slide down limply to the ground. I start crying - alot, everything that just happened suddenly pouring out of me. For what seems like years I curl up on the grass, until I feel the heat of somepony standing over me and touching my side gently with a hoof. Except it isn't a hoof, it's much softer - and smaller.
I look up into a pair of blue eyes, but not the eyes of a pony. I feel my heart freeze again as I look into the muzzle of a strange creature. It looks like a Timberwolf or even an ordinary wolf, but it's fur is the richest dark blue I've ever seen, with snowy white over it's chest all the way up to it's chin. Bands of gold encircle it's four legs just above it's paws, and a gold necklace very much like Princess Celestia's is fastened about it's neck. The Wolf gives me a look then suddenly is gone in a rush of it's flowing tail, and my vision suddenly darkens once again. Shouts of "Stop! Come back- oof!", "It's running through the stream under the bridge!", "it's runnin' ON the stream under the bridge, how's it doin' that?" and "It's getting away!" seem far off and distant as I slump to the grass as unconciousness claims me, but I know as everything goes black that I still will wake up safe, with my friends around me...
(Sorry - ended up being longer than I thought. Hope you like it though. *pants* Damn that Scootaloo's heavy! XD)
I thought she was gonna pull up, she'd just flap her wings and fly away.
But no, there are no deus ex machinas, no big damn Rainbow Dash's. Just Scootaloo, her fate and her acceptance of it. And through the whole thing I thought she'd live. The fact that you managed to make it painfully clear through this story that she would die but add that childlike naivety that something would save her, is outright amazing. You played this story through a childlike mindset and that just makes it more emotional to read.
2522161 YOU ARE AWESOME
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2521530 tell ya what, make the next chapter of this fic and I'll post it
Those feels man."
For a story that was written and all in 2 hours, I felt it was reasonably paced for its content. A lot was coming toward me, but I can only imagine that is what would be happening at that instant. Not only do I feel bad for Scootaloo (R.I.P.
) but also for the end of crusading with Sweetie Belle (
"I'm not gonna cry. *sniff* need... to... be... strong...") and Applebloom (
"WHYYYYYYYYYY!!!!?????").
2521625 just in my personal opinion, I think the bystander effect could come into play. Even if there were pegasai nearby, they might be thinking another pegasus will save her. But there could just be none of them, as you mentioned.
2523701 Um, wow wasn't expecting the reponse, but hell, I'll give it a shot.
Congratulations! You're going to pony hell for killing Scootaloo!
If you have any complaints please leave them neatly written down and placed in the comment box that doesn't exist!
Have a nice day!
2524317 Your comment sounds negative
But I see a favorite and an upvote from ya
2524324
BURN BURN BURN!!
Eeyup and you deserved it too!(the favorite and the upvote) Very well written for only 2 hours of work on it. When I try that my reaction is WHAT HAVE I DONE!?
anyways... well, that's it.
I liked this quite a bit, and I was fond of the open-ended nature of both the beginning and the ending.
this was really good. and i mean good!
2523982 BUT MY KNEE! IT'S SCRAPPED... SCCRRAAAAPPPPEEEEDDDDD!!!
DID THOU MEAN TO USE THY CANTERLOT VOICE MORTAL?
Also, plummeting to your death can happen every day
I liked it, though I really hoped it would end with " She hit the ground" Next paragraph, "OwieOwieOWIE", But that would be kinda predictable.
I find it strange how negative everyone is. The first thing that came to my mind is exactly what Scott suggested
2521534