A lot better than the first scene, I think. Your writing quality is improving, even if it's slow. There were also a few errors, might wanna gloss over it before too many people read it.
I think what Shirohige meant was the first scene was too fast-paced, and it really felt like you were just getting the general idea across, without much detail at all (a+b=c), whereas this scene was better all around.
In comparison to your previous clop scene, this one is a good deal better. You're conveying more details and, thank the clop gods, you didn't use magic to get the royal folds moist!! We shall be keeping a keen eye upon thee in this regard.
That said, I am greatly enjoying your take on this topic and look forward to more chapters from you.
Such a sweet chapter! I loved the pacing, and the clop scene at the end was perfect. The chapter really showed what Thunder meant for being more concerned with his "job", from previous chapters. Your writing skills are definitely improving!
You can choose to go to so many paths from here. If I may, I suggest you throw in some conflict to the story. You could, for example, use the fact that Thunder and Celestia started kissing with the bedroom windows open, and have a paparazzi that was lucky enough to have his camera pointed to the window at the right moment. Imagine what will be in the cover of the Canterlot tabloids next week...
You could also add some friction between Celestia and Luna regarding Thunder. Make them compete each other for him. Or stressing him to be a good consort for both of them, and then failing. You will need to deepen his relationship with Luna for this to happen, but I think it will be an interesting development of the story.
I'm loving this story, it's one of the few that I'm always hungry for another update. I'm getting excited about what could happen, and then lots of ideas start popping in my brain. I know that this is your story, and you are doing a very good job at writing it, but I just can't help it! Very few stories get me pumped like this!
A lot better than the first scene, I think. Your writing quality is improving, even if it's slow. There were also a few errors, might wanna gloss over it before too many people read it.
Yay! This chapter has great feels, cute moments, and a well written clop section! hope theres more to come!
3080392
What do you mean? It seems fine to me.
...Aw Yeah.
3080437
I think what Shirohige meant was the first scene was too fast-paced, and it really felt like you were just getting the general idea across, without much detail at all (a+b=c), whereas this scene was better all around.
3080494
Well, I can see where you're coming from, but to me it seems fine. I'll keep it in mind however for the future.
Thank you for your continued interest in the story.
In comparison to your previous clop scene, this one is a good deal better. You're conveying more details and, thank the clop gods, you didn't use magic to get the royal folds moist!! We shall be keeping a keen eye upon thee in this regard.
That said, I am greatly enjoying your take on this topic and look forward to more chapters from you.
Think you meant 'powerful'
Such a sweet chapter! I loved the pacing, and the clop scene at the end was perfect. The chapter really showed what Thunder meant for being more concerned with his "job", from previous chapters. Your writing skills are definitely improving!
You can choose to go to so many paths from here. If I may, I suggest you throw in some conflict to the story. You could, for example, use the fact that Thunder and Celestia started kissing with the bedroom windows open, and have a paparazzi that was lucky enough to have his camera pointed to the window at the right moment. Imagine what will be in the cover of the Canterlot tabloids next week...
You could also add some friction between Celestia and Luna regarding Thunder. Make them compete each other for him. Or stressing him to be a good consort for both of them, and then failing. You will need to deepen his relationship with Luna for this to happen, but I think it will be an interesting development of the story.
I'm loving this story, it's one of the few that I'm always hungry for another update. I'm getting excited about what could happen, and then lots of ideas start popping in my brain. I know that this is your story, and you are doing a very good job at writing it, but I just can't help it! Very few stories get me pumped like this!
Anyway, keep up the good work!
3080645
Got that fixed. Thanks.
3080618
I didn't do that in the first place, but I do appreciate the feedback. Thank you for liking the story.
3080721 Ah... I see I have stumbled across a fubar in my memory. My most sincere apologies!
3080863
No prob. Glad you like the chapter. I REALLY wanted this one to come out better. Know you guys wouldn't tolerate the same mistake twice.
3080870 indeed, as a writer myself, I know how tough a crowd it can be out here. Oh well... brony on my friend. Brony on.
I wonder what Luna will add to his sexual life.
He keeps hesitating before he says Tia. I'd assume after the first time he called her that he would
grow a pairstop hesitating every single time.>>insaineodin that will probebly be the best and worst time for him
3080494 I always thought that was the intention of the first scene, being Thunder's first time after all.