Not sure why this is getting instantly downvoted, unless maybe it's just because you have an OC pony getting the job instead of an established character. (Which is a silly reason, considering how few canon male ponies there are to choose from. What, would you guys rather see Snowflake a.k.a. "Roid Rage" getting the job of royal consort? If you're going to put a stallion in the story, you're almost forced to invent your own OC pony as often as not.)
Seemed a bit odd for Thunder Shock to freak out about Celestia being "nude" in the dreamworld, though, considering that Equestria is very much clothing-optional to begin with. Sure, Celestia didn't have her jewelry, but it's not like that would have really covered up anything to begin with...
Your story is...interesting. I am curious on how this story unfolds for Thunder Shock, Celestia, and Luna. So far, I give your story: 4.7 muffins out of 5 muffins. Please continue on. Some spots seem to need a comma here and there. Of course, I am not perfect either.
2843342 He's just copying what happens in cartoons. The toon wears only a shirt as their article of clothes and is completely decent but as soon as that shirt goes suddenly they're 'naked' even though they haven't been wearing anything else in the first place.
Interesting idea. I hope you are able to keep up with it. I expect to read some clop, but for it not at all to be the main focus. I look forward to the next chapter to see how it goes.
This is quite a fascinating beginning, and it definitely makes me hopeful to see more. It's an idea I haven't seen explored much before, and you are handling it with grace.
My only beef is the liberal sprinkling of little grammatical errors (mostly word choice) throughout. I know it's better to point them out, but in Chapter 2 I saw at least 5, so rather than go into detail here I thought I'd ask if you would (a) like a proofreader for the whole thing and/or (b) would like a complete list sent to your e-mail or something. Your story interests me enough that I would be glad to do this if you wish. If so, you can reach me at SongCoyote at yahoo.
If not, that's okay too - I'll still watch for updates and gladly read all of them based on what you have so far
As others have pointed out, there were some small grammatical errors here and there, but nothing too major. That aside, I really like what you've got going here. It's been a loooooong time since I've seen a new story that didn't come from a well established author in the feature box that actually deserved it, and this one definitely deserves it.
There are a few places where I would recommend some minor additions/changes as an editor, but since these are the first chapters of your first story, I'm not worried about it. I'm looking forward to seeing how both this story, and your writing overall, changes as get more practice. Keep up the good work and all that jazz.
2843342 I can almost guarantee the auto-downvotes are because it's an OCxCanon pairing and there's a sex tag. Pairing any OC with any canon character, especially a prominent one, is a surefire way to get immediate hate, regardless of the actual quality of the story (this gets worse when sex is involved in any way). Yes, it is irrational and stupid, but this is a fandom; and in fandoms, shipping is serious business and causes more irrational reactions from otherwise sane people than it has any reason to.
I think it is fair to be weary of OC's in general, Sturgeon's Law and all that, but it would be nice if people would at least read a chapter before voting.
2850620 To be fair, I can sort of understand why people do it - in fan fiction, not just MLP specifically - most original characters are terrible at best, piss-poor self-inserts at worst.
And by most, I mean 99%.
So instead of reading and looking for themselves, they automatically down vote - it's a stigma, I'm afraid.
I'm liking where this is going. I anticipate a bit of comedy, and a lot of amusing awkwardness - especially when his cohorts on the weather patrol find out.
So I was casually strolling through the recommended stories when I stumble upon one about a consort. Since I'm also writing a story about a consort, I thought I'd give this a look. I've only made it a little ways in, but I love the premise you set up. Your start is much stronger than mine and I'd love to see where this goes. You should consider continuing.
Not sure why this is getting instantly downvoted, unless maybe it's just because you have an OC pony getting the job instead of an established character. (Which is a silly reason, considering how few canon male ponies there are to choose from. What, would you guys rather see Snowflake a.k.a. "Roid Rage" getting the job of royal consort? If you're going to put a stallion in the story, you're almost forced to invent your own OC pony as often as not.)
Seemed a bit odd for Thunder Shock to freak out about Celestia being "nude" in the dreamworld, though, considering that Equestria is very much clothing-optional to begin with. Sure, Celestia didn't have her jewelry, but it's not like that would have really covered up anything to begin with...
I like what I've read thus far. Please continue!
Your story is...interesting. I am curious on how this story unfolds for Thunder Shock, Celestia, and Luna. So far, I give your story: 4.7 muffins out of 5 muffins. Please continue on. Some spots seem to need a comma here and there. Of course, I am not perfect either.
Love it, keep it up
2843533
Uh, is that good?
2845465 IT IS SPIKE WITH A STASH OF BLOODY CORSE IT IS GOODDDDDDDDDDDDDD
CHAOUS LOVE IT
2845493
Ah. Thanks.
2843342 He's just copying what happens in cartoons. The toon wears only a shirt as their article of clothes and is completely decent but as soon as that shirt goes suddenly they're 'naked' even though they haven't been wearing anything else in the first place.
Sure, i'll read this.
Thumbs up and all that jazz
Can't wait for the rest.
I hope you can keep a solid plot, so it doesnt plunge straight into CLOP CLOP CLOP.
But AMAZING so far.
4.9 Muffins out of 5
OMG! *faves story* MOAR PLZ!!
A pretty unique story. I look forward to reading more of it. Keep up the good work!
mmmmmmmm yes quite...i will be waiting for more
.... a very... intersesting two chapters...... can't wait to see what happens
MOAR?
Interesting idea. I hope you are able to keep up with it. I expect to read some clop, but for it not at all to be the main focus. I look forward to the next chapter to see how it goes.
This is quite a fascinating beginning, and it definitely makes me hopeful to see more. It's an idea I haven't seen explored much before, and you are handling it with grace.
My only beef is the liberal sprinkling of little grammatical errors (mostly word choice) throughout. I know it's better to point them out, but in Chapter 2 I saw at least 5, so rather than go into detail here I thought I'd ask if you would (a) like a proofreader for the whole thing and/or (b) would like a complete list sent to your e-mail or something. Your story interests me enough that I would be glad to do this if you wish. If so, you can reach me at SongCoyote at yahoo.
If not, that's okay too - I'll still watch for updates and gladly read all of them based on what you have so far
Light and laughter,
SongCoyote
2849921
Sky wasn't referring to money. He was referring to Thunder's....you know.
As others have pointed out, there were some small grammatical errors here and there, but nothing too major. That aside, I really like what you've got going here. It's been a loooooong time since I've seen a new story that didn't come from a well established author in the feature box that actually deserved it, and this one definitely deserves it.
There are a few places where I would recommend some minor additions/changes as an editor, but since these are the first chapters of your first story, I'm not worried about it. I'm looking forward to seeing how both this story, and your writing overall, changes as get more practice. Keep up the good work and all that jazz.
2843342 I can almost guarantee the auto-downvotes are because it's an OCxCanon pairing and there's a sex tag. Pairing any OC with any canon character, especially a prominent one, is a surefire way to get immediate hate, regardless of the actual quality of the story (this gets worse when sex is involved in any way). Yes, it is irrational and stupid, but this is a fandom; and in fandoms, shipping is serious business and causes more irrational reactions from otherwise sane people than it has any reason to.
I think it is fair to be weary of OC's in general, Sturgeon's Law and all that, but it would be nice if people would at least read a chapter before voting.
2850620
To be fair, I can sort of understand why people do it - in fan fiction, not just MLP specifically - most original characters are terrible at best, piss-poor self-inserts at worst.
And by most, I mean 99%.
So instead of reading and looking for themselves, they automatically down vote - it's a stigma, I'm afraid.
OH HELL YES!
bring on the chapters and make them quick can't wait to read more
2843342
I am now imagining Snowflake being the Consort of the Princesses...
I am now laughing my ass off.
This requires cuddles!
I'm liking where this is going. I anticipate a bit of comedy, and a lot of amusing awkwardness - especially when his cohorts on the weather patrol find out.
2852129
Then my job here is done.
2859722
Someone needs to make that a story. Just for the hell of it.
"We have a busy day ahead Thunder Shock. Brace yourself."......winter is coming!
I love this
2869395 Game of Ponehs!
So I was casually strolling through the recommended stories when I stumble upon one about a consort. Since I'm also writing a story about a consort, I thought I'd give this a look. I've only made it a little ways in, but I love the premise you set up. Your start is much stronger than mine and I'd love to see where this goes. You should consider continuing.
Until BlueBalls and the rest of the shitty nobles find out that is.