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“I will give you the power to not be remembered for the next 24 hours. Anything you do will be forgotten, and anything you do to anypony will not make a single bit of difference. You have one day to do absolutely anything you want to without any consequences.”
How could Rainbow Dash refuse?
A commission for BlackSnowyOwl.
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A VERY interesting idea there, and I was sure RD was looking for Gilda for some heartfelt reason.
You've won my upvote.
2206737
Thanks.
This was really good. Very interesting and unique concept, pulled off more than decently.
Cool! But you know what would have been a cool twist? If the "owl" had been lying, and everything she did would be remembered.
2206842
I had considered doing that and dropped a few not-so-subtle hints that such might have been the case.
However, I felt it would have undermined what Dash learned and the gravitas of the ending, so I decided to do otherwise.
tl;dr
Upvoted for the first sentence.
2206912
I'll take it!
Dash takes medication to help her stop seeing magical talking owls?
kinda reminds me of Ralph Wigam [youtube=5dJznTAwLSY]
ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4681163085513896&pid=15.1
Man, that sure sounds familiar...
This was a pretty interesting, if short, fic.
I do want to see another chapter about Rainbow apologizing to Lightning and finding Gilda and patching things up. Make it so please.
Wha...
I'm gonna have to sit and think about this one.
Serious ingenuity at work here.
I'll be honest. I am not sure what the lesson was.
2206842>>2207055
Maybe if it was expanded and we see Dash apologizing to Lightning Dust and making up with Gilda.
Also, I agree that it would be a better twist if the magic was a lie and Rainbow had dig herself out of the hole she created.
Way I see it, by exploiting a perceived power, she exposed her true self.
Very interesting. Feels bad for Lightning and Gilda. Little sequel, pls?
That familiar story description.
That first sentence.
What have you done, Vimbert?
Wow, that was unexpected.
2207737 I'm curious to know more about why you think that. I think that what she showed was at most a facet of her true self. to say that it's entirely her true self feels unfair to Dash. She's more complex than what was shown here.
To me it felt like a vignette. I sort of enjoyed the idea that she does get away with it because to Dash it was more important that *she* remembered her behaviour than if others remembered.
Make sense?
2209071
I guess what I mean is that we all have desires and behaviors we don't act upon because we know there are consequences.
We've all seen that drunk person who acts completely differently when sober. It is partly true that our hidden truths and desires get out when inhibitions are lost.
Rainbow Dash has never been much of a critical thinker, so it's not surprising that she goes off and does a bunch of selfish, stupid things when a magical talking owl tells her there will be no consequences. But it sucks that she permanently screwed up her chances at getting into the Wonderbolts because Princess Celestia lied to her. Unless I'm reading it wrong, Celestia isn't actually going to modify the memories of everyone Rainbow Dash hurt that day.
I still like this story, since Rainbow Dash learns something significant and has a change of heart regarding Gilda. That was very well done.
I was kinda hoping it'd turn out she was just nuts, and had just gone and ruined her life for no good reason. Oh well, still good.
I had to ask myself at the beginning, "Would I even accept something like that; would it even really be a gift?" and I would have rejected it. You don't just suddenly abandon your own carefully evolved and thought-out principles on a whim, even knowing no one else will remember: You will remember.
So from my perspective it's an interesting view of Dash's self-observation (or really, the lack of). She's 95% 'Do it!', 4% regret, and 1% introspection. I suppose increasing Dash's introspection was part of Celestia's plan, but to me the ending paragraphs seemed a little... vague.
"Learn from this and apply it if necessary to help center Twilight when she goes bonkers." Hmmm...
Sorry, I really am not criticizing at all; I enjoyed this. But my interpretation feels a bit off from others'.
There's art to be had in condensed storytelling. I should study your works with greater fervor.
>>as of course she’d just had to have a treat or two at Sugarcube Corner first
Huh... “as of course she had just had to have a treat...” Not sure if want. Already, I see where this story could have used some... mmm... syntactical editing?
You typed out "hehe," that's super bizarre. Oh Nieztsche, I do hope part of the prompt for this wasn't that you had to emulate some lemur. X_X
Oh lawd, I smell a crack fic. It's visual acuity is based on movements... bowel movements.
I wonder, if one's doing a written commission for someone, perhaps the expositionary pages should be discounted half off? F'naaa.
I suspect a twilight zone twist coming up. The owl is mankind cooking a meal of distorted masks for a nuclear bomb by reincarnated Hitler.
Hahaha... I almost wished Rainbow would have shouted “King of the World” instead. Cuz, y'know, motorcycles.
Cloudstairs. (Cloud Stairs.) <Cloud Stairs.>
Oh buck me up the squirrel-hole. This lockerroom scene belongs in a museum already, lulz.
Remarkably emotional aside with the whole “Gilda” angle. I like stories that explore the potential labyrinth of intimate possibilities between Rainbow and Gilda. How decidedly Vimbertish of you to put such a moment of infinitesimal reflection smack-dab in the middle of a locker room porn scene where a horny Rainbow Dash is unashamedly sniffing the ever-loving crap out of Spitfire's sweaty jumpsuit.
Rainbow isn't exactly seeing the owl's “magic” in action. She's only assuming that her actions are written out of reality. I suspect a Robot Chicken stereotype here.
The overweight griffon in Fillydelphia has just given me a flashback to the testosteronical father of Max's love interest in a Goofy Movie. Just felt as though you needed to know that.
Gah. Princess Get.
Well, the whole plug with Twilight was a tad bit foreboding. I'm not sure if you were trying to plug in the concept of a sequel or further continuation, but it sort of makes the reader imagine such.
Dear Candlestick head, you have the innate ability to take outrageously polarized concepts and moods and somehow mash them together to make a feasible story. For instance, Distorted Perspective allows us to analyze Princess Celestia and her concerns over her relationship with Twilight, all the while presenting us with a giant, gender unspecified, supersexual alicorn hitting on a ghei stallion. It's wyrd, it's quirky, and yet it works. That has an undeniable charm to it
I can't say that this story accomplishes the same. Maybe it's because it's not longer than it currently is, but it feels very top heavy. Like, the first half of it is super silly, but halfway through—quite literally in the middle of the lockerroom scene—it transforms into something sad and melancholic. This would be all fine and good if the ending capped it all off nicely, but I'm left feeling a bit frazzled, namely because the way in which Celestia imparts the lesson to Rainbow Dash is kind of superficially manufactured. I mean, the only reason Rainbow was ever tempted to lave caution to the wind in the first place is because Celestia—as the magical owl—gave her the reason to believe that she could act without expectations of moral repercussions. That somehow makes me think of the Mare Do Well climax, and how the friends of Rainbow Dash do something to highlight her excessive hubris, when they could have found a less dramatic and painful way of exposing RD to her own flaws. Also, it doesn't really help that the whole point of Celestia's morality game was to gear RD up for some nebulous purpose involving Twilight, which seems rather selfish of her and her uncharacteristic absent-mindedness at the story's end.
F'naaa. Whatever. T'was a fun romp, and it makes me curious as to the nature of the actual prompt itself, and to what degree you may or may not had deviated from the requested tone of the fic. Commissioning doesn't seem easy, and yet you gave us a very cute, fun, and palpable journey into the heart and concerns of best poni poni poni. However, I have to conclude that the overall thematic presentation is a bit lopsided, so I wouldn't call this your best story. I enjoyed it all the same, though, so thanks for slapping it across the buttocks of the Internet.
-SS&E
2209146 I must confess I had an incredible urge to kiss you on the mouth at your words. "It is partly true that our hidden truths and desires get out when inhibitions are lost." It was just a bit of a shock to see someone else who doesn't wholeheartedly subscribe to the idea that how you act when drunk is somehow a straight line to how you really feel/are.
It's been a long day I'll be insightful and interesting later.
If you want these:
This line break should be a paragraph break.
Shouldn't that "was" be a subjunctive "were"?
Many cities, not much cities.
Lie.
2213947
Weird, that line break wasn't even supposed to be in there, and I can't blame the Gdocs importer this time.
A fun read full of skirt'isms. It's a shame that it took me so long to get around to reading this
2368266
Fun fact: I wasn't actually looking to ape Skirts' styles while writing this. Aside from one offhand reference to Background Pony at the beginning (which I actually sort of dislike, despite how good of friends Skirts and I are), any other similarities in style are accidental.
Admit it, you're the sensible part of Skirts' brain placed on decorative candle stick.
How can all those references be accidental? Dude, I saw probably half a dozen Austreoh references alone.
2368544
I've never read Austreoh.
Pft... That's both hilarious and totally awesome!
and slightly dissapointing
2368567
Eh, been meaning to get around to it for a while, but I just haven't had time.
2368576 The Noble Jury shall welcome you with open arms when you do
So we had anarchy vs civility (doing the right thing the wrong way), morality vs consequence (ignoring what's right because of a lack of repercussions), and power vs ability (the one thing she wanted to do that was right, her powers were useless for).
I agree with all the lessons these entailed.
My question would be: does Dash strike you as the type to hold back so much that she would be prompted to act this way even if she could? Or strike you as one so unfocussed that she would go about it so haphazardly?
2375085
I feel like she is the type to repress and hide feeling and desires to some extent. Perhaps less now that her character has developed somewhat, but she's still rather impulsive, hence the title for the story. I don't doubt her focus, but I doubt her sense of self-restraint.
Might not be the most accurate take on the character, but it's the one I rolled with.
2376854
Nonono.
[youtube=d0I5jsBkVI8]
What I mean is Dash would pull that crap anyway, no need for magical coverups.
Dash: "I've done lots of nutty things."
Rarity and Twilight: "WE KNOW!
And all of her crazy antics have been executed with some poorly plotted plan, which is what I mean by focus.
Really. If she wanted to buck LD she would have back at the academy. She was gonna quit anyway.
[youtube=hJkKDQlpLpk]
Anyway, like I said. The story was righteous. I just have trouble believing she would not have done this crap already had she wanted to.
I was expecting stuff she would never do otherwise. She could take lessons from Fluttershy.
[youtube=8qL57lmCcUQ]
2377049
Yet given that she already does whatever she wants, would her behavior really change that much in this situation?
2378859
If there had been things she had held down and rejected, whether dark, silly, or painful then maybe, but these were kind of random and spontaneous "f-u I do what I want" stuff. Basically I just don't see her needing the excuse, so it lessened the lesson for me.
Before even reading this, I'm just going to say that this sounds right up Vimbert's alley. I just hope he writes RD doing random things better than he writes mock-shipping.
Wow, I was not expecting this. I was expecting more of a comedic slant where she does a whole bunch of random (and maybe even naughty
) things to every pony. not a good look at what too much power can do and what you need to think of when you have the power at your fingers...good job
Not sure if like. Celestia's endgoal was NOT Rainbow Dash, but Twilight Sparkle. Chessmaster Celestia moves another pawn, it seems.
How the hay am I supposed to know that this is the owl talking? Twilight's owl never talked. At first I thought it was Dash speaking up again.
2438045
It's a common convention that a new paragraph means either a shift in thought or a new actor/speaker, and since the owl had just been the subject of the previous sentence, it can be reasonably inferred that the owl's the one speaking again.
It's a very common trick to avoid tacking "he/she said" or the like to the end of everything.
*** SPOILERS BELOW ***
I went ahead and wrote out my train of thought, since I'm terrible at remembering things:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At least without warning, anyway.
How does one start their fic with a fragment sentence and get away with it?
slalom
How magniloquent.
With a sickening crunch, Rainbow Dash slammed into a tree trunk
She was still flying? For whatever reason, I imagined her coming to a halt before looking behind her.
ponderous gravity
Ummm... wat?
“Oh, hehe, hi there,” she said.
Yeah, because that's how everypony reacts after they smash into a tree. "Oh, I just love smashing into things! It just makes me so happy!"
Twilight’s avian assistant
Because the word "Spike" is not fancy enough for this fic.
“No, I meant who you were."
You know, if he constantly has this problem, why doesn't he start speaking in full sentences?
stop headbutting things…
Unecessary ellipse
frustrated avian whinny
I heard a horse whinny in my head when I read this. Maybe I just don't know what an avian sounds like when it whinnies...
You scared a bunch of rodents that were trying to move in. Now I can roost in peace, once I put it back.
Half-assed excuse is half-assed. If the owl is powerful enough to put an entire tree back right again, you'd think he could deal with a few rodents.
Especially considering, you know, owls eat rodents.
anypony you talked to. Forever.
Don't think that period has the effect you were going for.
The owl’s eyes narrowed and glowed.
Wait, isn't the owl even going to bother asking Rainbow if she wants the power or not? I mean, of course she does, but forcing a reward on someone without any choice is kind of a #^$%$ thing to do.
given Dash pause
A... kward...
"Enjoy, Rainbow Dash.”
Wait... did Rainbow telepathically tell the owl her name somewhere? Or does the owl simply have mind-reading abilities that are never explained or hinted at?
mea culpa
gazuntite
As her vision faded from pain, she saw Rainbow Dash whooping and flying away.
Wait, who's telling the story? Lightning Dust or Rainbow Dash?
look, Dash. I
The period is a bit jarring. Maybe a comma?
but where Dash had no idea
comma?
She landed later with the stars and moon in full view near where she was pretty sure she had met the owl this morning.
Wow. That day went by quick...
I’m counting on you to tell her how too much power can drive a pony a little batty
Really?! You're pulling the "Twilicorn has too much power" thing on us?!
Man... and I was just getting into this fic. It's like every single fic out there has to allude to Twilight's new super-power-status. I was hoping for some simple Rainbow Dash fun...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Final thoughts:
This is a bit of a bait and switch. I feel like I was promised a "Rainbow Dash does crazy things" fic, and instead got pitted with a "I feel like being a jerk", "I want Gilda"
, "I feel so guilty" fic that goes so heavy-handed (hoofed) on the morality that it's practically Anvilicious. I mean, don't get me wrong or anything, it was a (for the most part) good fic. And maybe it's just me, not looking at the "Slice of Life" tag the right way, but this fic just wasn't what I was expecting.
2438135
Because people understand that some stylistic allowances can be made in fiction.
So when did Spike become a bird, again?
The mouse thing was part of the prompt given, and I thought it would be a neat twist if a flimsy excuse like that was all part of the disguise.
Kinda short and deus ex machina with little explination, sure the lesson was one of empathy but I don't really think it is spelled out enough or shown as a theme enough.
2438135
To be fair, Rainbow has a history of ramming things.
It's 2am, and there's something to be said for not commenting at such an unhelpful hour. Still, here we are, and here we go.
Vim,
On the widest scale, the concept was solid—though I wonder if the concept was yours, given that it's a commission. The problems creep in on a scene-by-scene scale, where the pacing is rushing forward with great abandon and leaving little opportunity to breathe. It's not that it's a short fic; for me, the problem is the use of intimate third person PoV to brush over a lot of beats with some very heavy handed telling. It's very hard to be invested in the story when the context is repeatedly beaten into me with a shovel rather than experienced through empathy.
If I had to sum up how the story made me feel, it's that the author didn't really care about it. The descriptions are rarely interesting, the emotions are fairly forced, and the plot procedural. I did enjoy conjuring up all the possible things that RD might get up to, and subsequently, the ways in which it might all come crashing down, but the actual ending was so much less interesting. Not one of these thing was overly bad in itself, but I found them almost tripping over each other to distance me from the story.
That said, I do allow a healthy bit of leeway for not knowing how to split the premise of the commission from the workings of the writer. Even so, the rather casual disregard for emotional investment in a morality tale is fairly damning.
-Scott
P.S. It's pretty hard to make any reasonable judgements based on just two stories, but I can't help but notice that I get the same feeling from this as I did from Twilight, Revised. On a macro scale, both stories stray far too far into telling, rather than allowing a reader to comfortably experience any nuance for themselves. As I said, I have insufficient data to decide if this is simply a style clash.
2438283
Since he got so jealous of Owlowiscious that he turned himself into an owl just to spite him.
vimbert, i see you in almost every fanfic i read and i start laughing because of your profile pic, its just