1. Member Since 20th Feb, 2012
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Eakin


I occasionally words good


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"The best My Little Pony/Zombie/Shakespeare mash up you'll read this week" -Overly Narrow Superlative Quarterly

Fifteen hundred years before the events of Season One, Luna is desperately trying to hold Equestria together while Celestia is on an extended vacation. When the Fillydelphia school board makes the remarkably poor choice of hiring Xenus, Dark Lord of Evil and Necromancy as the new grade school librarian will their city survive the resulting cataclysm?

First Published
16th Jan 2013
Last Modified
14th Jun 2014

I don't know what to say about this.

Historians from the Canterlot of today speak of the deep theological rifts that threatened to tear the young nation apart, rifts that came to a head when some brave pony whose name is lost to the currents of time nailed ninety five theses to the doors of the royal palace and demanded he be permitted entry so that he might denounce the royal sisters as false Goddesses to their face.

I have not stopped laughing since then.

Calor oleum in caldario super calorem. Coque gallinaceum cum aspersionem sal, piper atque Italici condienda. Combinant liquamine, sinus, folium et allia in olla.

Pone pullum liquamine et coques pro quinque ad sex horis, donec tenera. Aufero pullum et liquamine ad casserole disco. Asperget fermentum caseo...

Servite gallinaceum cum liquamine super grana aut spaghetti cucurbitae!

:rainbowlaugh:

And I'm loving all the Spear Shaker references!

I see the Shakespeare references. I don't know what I think of them, but I see them.

Also, nice twist, being entirely the kid's fault, not focusing the spell well enough.

Also also, trite and misguided evil is best evil. :coolphoto:


Edit:.... Oh god ow. I just got the Spear Shaker pun. I'd originally just thought it was a slightly crass way to imply his promiscuity. Thanks a lot, >>1967840.

Oh heck.  I can already tell that this is going in the favorites bin.  If the rest is anything like this, I expect much hilarity, meta, and subsequent lack of consciousness due to lack of breath.

Rum, cakes, attractive stallions, and rum cakes...

Yup, definitely in the favorites bin.

Calor oleum in caldario super calorem. Coque gallinaceum cum aspersionem sal, piper atque Italici condienda. Combinant liquamine, sinus, folium et allia in olla.

Pone pullum liquamine et coques pro quinque ad sex horis, donec tenera. Aufero pullum et liquamine ad casserole disco. Asperget fermentum caseo...

Servite gallinaceum cum liquamine super grana aut spaghetti cucurbitae!

... I'm fairly certain that this is a recipie for some sort of Italian meal? Written in Italian.

Google Translate gave me 'Heat of Oleum plants', 'Boiled Gallinaceum', and possible a cassrole dish. Plus the final step seems to be about serving it, possibly with spaghetti.

This is kinda making me hungry...:twilightblush:

>>1968507

>>1967840

It's a recipe for Chicken Parmesan, run through a Google translation.

Boy, when you set out to write a comedy, you don't hold back, do you?  Classical references, a fun subversion on the evil villain...  I love this.

>>1968629

Never. I wondered how I could make Luna's Elizabethan accent  entertaining, and naturally that led to, well, what you see before you

dude, what kind of drugs do you use? and where the hell can i get some 'cause it looks like some good sh*t

>>1968806

Gods damn it, I was going to say that

But in all seriousness, I have no idea what the hell is going on or why. And that's somehow a good thing.

Fan Fiction is truely an artform. :rainbowlaugh:

*read later*

>>1968518 Yep. lol. Who knew Chicken parm could summon the dead???

Brilliant comedy, but this is where I lost it:

> With the tutoring program in place, our district’s standardized test scores will rise like the unquiet dead ...

:rainbowlaugh:

One word. That's all that is needed.

MOAR!

Clearly written by a madman, cackling with glee at his plot to entertain the masses.

Also, I think it's important to note that this is not the first time Luna has had to deal with a horde of zombie gerbils. Maybe the school district should consider removing that textbook from the curriculum. I know there was that big to do over parents trying to censor the book, but surely Xenus could recommend a safer alternative, like the recipe for Chili (zombie alligators are safer because they are always flushed and not buried)

This is quite possibly the most hilarious thing I've read recently.

Please Sir, may I have some more?

>>1974338

Yeah, that's a pretty good description of my default state

>>1968806

>>1968955

Why would I need drugs? My brain is already plenty disturbing without any help.

>>1971329

>>1974443

MOAR is coming, eventually, although the popularity of Hard Reset kinda caught me by surprise and balancing all four of my incomplete stories will be... interesting

We need a celestia the pirate story, it sounds like a great idea.

>>1989925

Write throwaway gag about Zombie Gerbils in Duel Nature -> Recieve suggestion that said gag could be its own fic -> Write said fic -> Write throwaway gag about Celestia becoming a pirate in Zombie Gerbil fic -> Recieve suggestion that said gag could be its own fic ->...

I'm sensing a pattern here. It would have to wait until the four fics I'm balancing are further along and I'd have to have a good idea for it beyond "Celestia is a Pirate"

Bwahahahahahahaha!

I heartily approve. Metaphorically of course. Because Lich.

>>1968518

That explains why Google Translate actually managed to make something sensible when I fed it back in...

Celestia, Queen of the Pirates... You mind if I jump on that idea?

>>2144639

I dropped a very brief reference to it in a collaboration fic I wrote, but you have an idea for a full story based around it go wild. Let me know when it's done, I totally want to read it

This is hilarious. The Shakespear refferences help.

“Our attentions are required, our little ponies,” said Luna, “A horde of zombie gerbils rises again.”

So... this isn't the first time this has happened?  :pinkiegasp:

I'm a filly and what the fuck is this

I can't get over how hilarious the slang is. :rainbowlaugh:

and did we just see the birth of the Royal Canterlot Voice? :raritystarry:

If any of these people end up writing a pirate!Celestia story, can you send me a note or something? That sounds awesome.

Awww, the last time this was worked on was half a year ago? Guess I need to check out the origin of the gag now.

>>2657186

For what it's worth, I do plan to wrap it up in the next few weeks

“I plan to bring too few refreshments for the number of participants, and the goods I do bring will be of poor quality and slightly stale!” the Dark Lord exclaimed with wicked glee.

That has to be the most evil dark lord I've ever seen.

You know, this brings back a memory from when I was in History and English. In History, the teacher rolled his eyes when the class (a girl really) kept complainig that they couldn't understand the wording in a book, he rolled his eyes at me when I said I could translate it. And in English, I could, and preferred to read Shake Spear in the old text; it made more sense to me.

>>2657191

w00tzers! I mean... thine priorities need not conform to my whims, but the confluence of your literary intentions with my interests reaches beyond Hard Reset.

man whenever that "slang" came up I just lost it nothing like pure unbridled insincerity to lift your spirits:twilightsmile:

>>2657191

I sure hope you do this is pretty grand :pinkiehappy:(I imagine it is also pretty tough to write as riddled with content as it is)

>>2996587

Sigh, no, this fic is stuck in "always a bridesmaid, never a bride" mode for my writing time and attention. I have the second half blocked out in my head, I just gotta buckle down and write it. It just never quite makes it to the front of the line

>>2996627 I have to ask ... have you seen Frankenweenie?  Because zombie gerbil ... yeah.

the old language is the...modern one...:rainbowhuh:? in other words: luna talks funny and gets her speech muddled somewhat often around this site.

The picture was enough for me to think " Dire Chinchillas"

I groaned so hard when I realized who Spear Shaker was. Bravo, damn you.

Well it's about f**king time.

Glad to finally put this one to bed. I probably could have stretched this chapter out a bit more, but I'm mostly just happy for it to be done.

that ending makes me think sequel but then again all zombie movies and fics have some sorta ambigious ending that hints at possible continuations

bravo bravo bravo

I am sooo glad that I had this one favorited!  I really needed a nice read, and this has been a wonderful end to my day!

Not much of a review, but I think I've said enough.

Holy buck, this is a Blast From the Past™!  :yay:

Just like the namesake, this story also rises (not unlike a zombie) to feast on the sweet, succulent flesh of the livingbe another fun blast to read again!  Much like Sightsear, I'm also glad I had this one favorited!  :scootangel:

“Which one, though?” asked Pincer. “From here, it looks like we could take up position above Monty Goo’s Gak, Slime, and Ooze Emporium on the east corner, or the Cap-U-Late Twenty Four Hat Store to the west.”

Two household goods stores, alike in dignity …

“Why choose? Are there not two of you? A box on both their houses.”

… … … :facehoof:

You've been waiting to make that pun, haven't you.

“Sergeant, what precisely is to the north of here?”

“Umm...” […] “It looks like the Everfree Rodent and Small Mammal Preserve, Princess.”

Luna grinned. “Prepare our chariot, we are leaving for Canterlot in ten minutes.”

“Is that wise? Don’t you want us to finish the patrols first? What if some of the gerbils are still out there?”

She shrugged. “We’re sure there won’t be any serious consequences to skipping one patrol, Argent. After all, what is the worst that a few gerbils can do to an entire forest?”

This is now best origin story for the Everfree Forest.

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