I think they call these tsundre relationships or something like that? Born out of severe friction between the two folks? Totally see that happening here, and I'm perfectly fine with it!
Thanks again for another chap AP. Nice and humorous for sure.
The 'proper' tsundere seems to be 'I HATE YOU (but I secretly love you)'. These characters are just abrasive to eachother but still capable of showing affection.
2068044 Definitions of odd words were never my strong spot, lol. Still, they make for an amusing duo. I'll be keeping an eye out for what you plan on doing with them. : )
Rainbow Dash pursed her lips at him, huffing. “I was thinking of going for a whim.”
How does one go for a whim? This I am curious to know.
With a faint sigh, Lionel stretched himself out on the shallowly-inclined ramp in the wading pool, placing his hands behind his head and closing his eyes. The sot motion of the water rocked him gently back and forth, in a lulling, calm motion.
Missed an F there pal.
“I hear that ponies love humans, because we have fingers, and fingers work so much better than hooves,” Lionel said thoughtfully, as he shifted and twisted his hand to begin sinking a digit into Rainbow Dash’s tight cunny.
Cunny huh? That a new word that I'm just now hearing about?
A helpless whine left the pegasus, and her wings pushed stiffly against his bare chest, the feathers damp, dripping water over him. He grinned and then tugged his finger from her body, slipping his hands away from her.
I'd phrase it as "chest, the damp feathers dropping water over him". Just a suggestion though.
Rainbow Dash whined heatedly, rocking her hips slightly, her tight depths cinching down on his fingers, squeezing them tightly, trying to draw them in a little bit deeper.
One whole run on sentence. I'd structure is as "Rainbow Dash whined heatedly rocking her hips slightly. Tight depths cinching down on his fingers squeezing them tightly, trying to draw them in a little bit deeper." Also just a suggestion to avoid the run on sentence.
Lionel did exactly as asked, rotating his hand and beginning to sink both digits in and out of her clenching cunny with a firm thrusting motion, his thumb slipping down to rub and push at her clit repeatedly.
Okay now I'm sure it's a new word I've yet to hear of.
Each swallowed produced an astoundingly awesome gentle tugging sensation, while she suckled on her downstroke and upstroke, keeping him in a constant state of heavenly friction that soon had him rising to a peak.
That supposed to be swallowed? Also that is a run on sentence. I'd just pull while out and replace the coma with a period capitalize the S in she.
Lionel didn’t even have time to brace himself before Rainbow Dash began to bob and suckle harder and faster, sinking down on him over and over again, pushing him right to the back of her throat and swallowing hard while grinding and slithering her tongue against the underside of his aching member.
Long sentence is long.
Lionel didn’t even have time to brace himself before Rainbow Dash began to bob and suckle harder and faster. Sinking down on him over and over again, pushing him right to the back of her throat and swallowing hard. All the while grinding and slithering her tongue against the underside of his aching member.
Great chapter looking forward for moar. Good so far and Dash sure showed him!
2069214 I have to disagree wih some of the points you brought up. Point #3: cunny is a real, if rarely used word, mostly because it sounds rather silly. But it does exist, and that's what matters. #5: That is a run-on sentence on purpose. It's not gramatically incorrect in the slightest, and it adds a sense of urgency to everything that's written. Not to mention your rewrite's punctuation and syntax are painfully wrong #8: See point #5.
Uhhh ma.......nonono *shakes his head* I just can't respond I just can't this has never happened to me very rare rarer than trioxide not acting like a bitch around twilight
2070308 I read it as if I was reading it aloud so a long sentence is odd to me. I use periods as a pause to add a little suspense in my reading. So that's where I'm coming from. Also, syntax was never my strong suite
Rainbow Dash stared at him mutinously, braying her anger, her wings fluttering, kicking up a spray of water. With a huff, she pushed her way through the water, wading over to the submerged seating, and then poking his chest with a hoof. “You’re going to finish what you started!”
This honestly makes me think of Rarity when I'm reading what Rainbow Dash says. She's not a prim and proper pony, she's a tomcolt. Why would she act proper, just because she's at a hotel?
I think they call these tsundre relationships or something like that? Born out of severe friction between the two folks? Totally see that happening here, and I'm perfectly fine with it!
Thanks again for another chap AP. Nice and humorous for sure.
2068039 I'm not sure.
The 'proper' tsundere seems to be 'I HATE YOU (but I secretly love you)'. These characters are just abrasive to eachother but still capable of showing affection.
2068044
Definitions of odd words were never my strong spot, lol. Still, they make for an amusing duo. I'll be keeping an eye out for what you plan on doing with them. : )
AIDS!!!!
"I hear you have ponyaids, do anyone else here have ponyaids?"
Sorry Rainbow Dash presents popped into my head
Jolly good Miss Dash. Everypony enjoys a good whim every now and again.
Swim not whim. Minor spelling mistake.
Very nice. Enjoyable chapter, well written. I'm looking forward to the next one, more specifically the Cafeteria scene. That should be good...
Commence read.
Seems enough people have noticed on which whim Rainbow wishes too partake in.
She was true to her words.
Darn you, Anonymous Pegasus, you make my thing go hard.
it's here! IT'S HERE!
Dammit, I need my sleep, work tomorrow
Was that an Avengers reference?
How does one go for a whim? This I am curious to know.
Missed an F there pal.
Cunny huh? That a new word that I'm just now hearing about?
I'd phrase it as "chest, the damp feathers dropping water over him". Just a suggestion though.
One whole run on sentence. I'd structure is as "Rainbow Dash whined heatedly rocking her hips slightly. Tight depths cinching down on his fingers squeezing them tightly, trying to draw them in a little bit deeper." Also just a suggestion to avoid the run on sentence.
Okay now I'm sure it's a new word I've yet to hear of.
That supposed to be swallowed? Also that is a run on sentence. I'd just pull while out and replace the coma with a period capitalize the S in she.
Long sentence is long.
Great chapter looking forward for moar. Good so far and Dash sure showed him!
i's got wierd boner
2069214 I have to disagree wih some of the points you brought up.
Point #3: cunny is a real, if rarely used word, mostly because it sounds rather silly. But it does exist, and that's what matters.
#5: That is a run-on sentence on purpose. It's not gramatically incorrect in the slightest, and it adds a sense of urgency to everything that's written. Not to mention your rewrite's punctuation and syntax are painfully wrong
#8: See point #5.
Uhhh ma.......nonono *shakes his head* I just can't respond I just can't this has never happened to me very rare rarer than trioxide not acting like a bitch around twilight
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/353/279/e31.jpg
2070308 I read it as if I was reading it aloud so a long sentence is odd to me. I use periods as a pause to add a little suspense in my reading. So that's where I'm coming from. Also, syntax was never my strong suite
HAHAHA im sorry but I just love how you people read CLOP then argue over punctuation and gramaher. (and i completely murdered grahmer.)
I'm just thinking 'well it's about fucking time' lol
t.qkme.me/3q5zi5.jpg
2072864
...WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU
2076881 a little confused with this remark...
Anyway, loved the story and cant wait for the next update.
I check this everyday to see if it is updated.
Must keep reading......
must keep checking for updates......
2149781 Same here!
Clopfics are like... my guilty pleasure. I don't read them often... but when I do, I find good ones. Damn bro, when it got to the blowjob, I was like:
skip to 4:30
Boy, that escalated quickly
I wonder if she came in 10 seconds flat?
Sounds like me and my Cheerios.
Damn Dude
deborahjones.theworldrace.org/blogphotos/theworldrace/deborahjones/no-1.jpg
say what?
Letter to Anonymous Pegasus:
Dear Anonymous Pegasus,
You are a God of Clop.
Regards,
Internet
This honestly makes me think of Rarity when I'm reading what Rainbow Dash says. She's not a prim and proper pony, she's a tomcolt. Why would she act proper, just because she's at a hotel?
2665384 Lol that's the first thing I thought too
I’m getting Calvin and Hobbes vibes
Seriously, this guy deserves a spot on the Extreme Doormats Special.