As we all know Rainbow dash is always darting around everywhere trying to find something new to do. But we never knew her other side.
Chapters (8)
nrace
Joined 6th Jan, 2013 ·
Offline
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.117 seconds
Total duration
1,054 users online
1,617,041 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Just wingin it aren't you
you described my Christmas so well
you described my Christmas so well
road trip!
should have watched porn
I can barely read this. I'm guessing English isn't your first language?
You really need to get a proofreader (I'm sure you can find someone on FIMFiction who would help you) to go over this. More than that, you need to go over it more than once.
Also, Nick's not very bright, is he?
I don't even know where to start with this.
The title of this chapter is messed up. The title. No words were capitalized (not even the first one! Come on, at least that one should be a given), millenium wasn't spelled right, and it doesn't even really fit.
The spelling is pretty bad (example right above), the grammar is even worse (goodbye punctuation), and the characters are so unbelievable that it's not even funny. I mean, do you not understand what was going on? Rainbow Dash just went out in public, to a diner, with no attempt at disguise. With all the people around, it's almost certain at least one person would recognize Rainbow Dash. Even if the show didn't exist in this world, that still wouldn't change the fact that all those people have just seen undeniable proof of aliens. She is living proof that humanity is not the only form of intelligent life in the universe. Her going out into the open has just revolutionized the entire world in every way possible, scientific or otherwise.
And no one cares.
The one thing that could have made this interesting, and it was ruined.
Please get someone to help you with this story.
I've noticed that you seem to have problems with analogies. There's this example, and the one from the last chapter with the kiss analogy (which made about as much sense as this one). The problem is that they don't make sense. At all. As it is, this one isn't even worded right. Using scarier in the way you used it means it switched from Rainbow being scared, to Rainbow being scary. Basically, you just called Rainbow scarier than Slender. Even if it was worded right, it still wouldn't make much sense. Why the sudden reference? How does that random tangent relate at all to the situation they were in?
Oh well, good luck with the rest of the story.
Please remember that it's I and not i. You always need to capitalize I.
Anyway, yet another chapter that shows just how bright the characters here are. Generally, you take someone who is injured to a hospital. I'm guessing they don't have those in this place, because I can't imagine why the first thing they'd do wouldn't be to go to a hospital. This chapter does have the excuse of being snowed in, but even then I can't see why she wouldn't be able to go out for help.
That's pretty messed up for something meant to sound sweet.
First, the fact that the phones are still working kind of ruins everything. Why didn't they just call for help? Is Nick really just that stupid? Actually, the insane solutions he comes up with, the nonsensical rambling, and the constant changes in mood point to him having some form of mental disorder.
I mean, really? Go to Mexico? What could that possibly solve? That kind of logic would be like me saying in the middle of summer "It's going to be very hot this week. Obviously the only possible solution is for me to move up to Alaska!" It just doesn't make the slightest bit of sense. Can't they just go to another city? I'd think that would probably be easier if nothing else.
Edit:
...
So, not only does his solution make no sense, but he doesn't even know where it is? Was that a joke or something? If it was, it wasn't funny.
I guess Nick doesn't know about those marvels of technology people have now called maps. I know, crazy right? Who ever heard of using maps to find places?
And once again, I have to admire how much he wants to die. Otherwise he might just call for help or something smart like that.
You know, I really don't know how to respond to this bit. Couldn't he have just, I don't know, wiped it off or something? What he did would be the same as me throwing a brick through a window because it had fogged over leading me (in a fit of temporary insanity) to forget that I could just wipe it with something.
That also would have had the added benefit of showing him which way south would be. Though considering the way this guy has been acting so far in this story, maybe it's a good idea he decided to just give up. Otherwise he probably would have started going north instead of south.
1934323 fortunately i don't appreciate trolls. First of all i don't wright a whole ton. I like the community for what it is. And if you put reinforcing criticism behind that and i truly appreciate that. But then there's a point in time when you just put some one down and i find that sort of sad. Im not saying anything, this was my chance to give back to the fandom.... And you putting that down makes me re-think why I did this in the first place. English is my first language... Not only that i speak Russian fluently, I cant describe the frustration your giving me... /) no need to fight.
1934380
Not sure what that has to do with anything, but that's fine.
Alright, so English is your first language. And you speak fluent Russian? That's really impressive. Going from something like English to languages like Spanish, German, etc. is usually made easier by how related the languages are, but I'd imagine it'd be much harder for Russian, considering they aren't related as much. Anyway, let me just respond to your other points.
It's perfectly fine that you don't write much. I know I certainly don't. While I am sorry for making you feel put down, I think you might be taking it more personally than you should. I always point out mistakes I find in a fic, but the only reason I do that is to help the author improve. Yes, I'm blunt when going over something, but that's just how I am, for better or worse. None of my reviews should be seen as an attack against you. Sure I'll attack the characters if they're acting in a way that doesn't make sense, but that's the character, and not you. If you felt insulted by me asking you if English was your first language, then I'm sorry. I wanted to make sure if it was or not before talking about grammar and such (English is a crazy language, that's for sure).
Alright, let me make something clear. I don't want you to quit. I don't want you to give up and feel like you didn't accomplish anything. What I want is the complete opposite. I want you to keep writing since you seem to enjoy it from what I can tell, but I also want you to get help. When I suggested finding a proofreader to help you, I was being completely serious. There is no reason you should ever feel bad about letting someone else look over your story for errors and to have someone to bounce ideas off of. In fact, most authors I've seen have proofreaders who go over their work, and there are plenty of people you can find on the site who would be happy to help you.
In fact, a quick search in groups using the word author turned this group up at the top of the list:
Struggling Authors
The description:
Why not go here and ask if someone would be willing to proofread your stories? Or ask for constructive criticism. In the end, your stories will greatly improve, you will come up with new ideas which you can bounce off of others, and all the help will just make you a better author in general.
That said, don't feel frustrated. Yes I sound harsh, and yes I sound blunt. However, I just want to help you. Go to one of the many groups made to help new authors, find someone who can look over your story, and develop your story by bouncing ideas off your proofreader.
Anyway, this message is long enough. Good luck with the rest of your story.
1934679 Thanks for that... I may get a little critical if something just pops up on me. Im going to check out the proof readers as-well. Thanks for the advice, oh and I also laughed a bit at the part you think Nick is crazy
also with the I's i know they are supposed to be capitalized, i just had no time to proof read it :D
"I say to myself. "HALO 4!!!". I walk over to your TV"
I thought there was only one person
1934877 i know lol first i did your and i was like wait why am i doing you contractions? and then I changed it to I, I probabally missed that one
1934736
Thanks for taking my advice. If you have troubles with finding errors, proofreaders will be helpful. In fact, even if you didn't have issues it would still be useful, since you can bounce ideas off of each other in order to come up with new ideas. A quick search brought up another group which I think would really help:
Proofreaders and Those Willing to Proofread
The description:
My advice (and the advice of nearly any author you'll ever talk to)? Once you finish a chapter, don't put it up right then. I can imagine why it'd be tempting to put it up right then, but it would be better wait. Take a break for a few hours, and then go back and look through the chapter for errors. One thing that helps is reading it outloud to yourself, because that way it will be easier to tell when a sentence sounds wrong. Doing the editing after a break is also helpful because you'll be refreshed and able to notice things you would have missed. If you feel that there are still mistakes (and there will be, because it's very hard to find small mistakes in something you wrote which is why having a proofreader is so helpful), then don't be afraid to hold off on posting the chapter until you've had time to look it over.
Basically, you should never feel like you have to get out a chapter as quickly as possible. Having that mindset might lead to quick updates, but almost always at the cost of quality (more errors missed, less time to dedicate to developing characters, rushed plots, etc.) which is never good. When writing a story, quality should always come before quantity. Updates might be slower, but quality will usually be much better.
If it makes you feel better, reading the part where he throws the compass because it was fogged over makes me imagine throwing a brick at a window because it's fogged over
.
Anyway, like I said before, good luck with the rest of the story, and good luck with finding someone to help you with it.
You gonna finish this? Cause you need to I'm in love with it.
1963524 I will soon when this week is done it's outta here just need to proof read it and it's a ok
i
this story but it is not finnished
good
want moe
1980145 on it's way, soon I hope
yayayayay
omg more!!
This trickles my pickles
1917214
Привет, спецназ! Вы говорите по-русски?